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Blinding yellow light blurred the edges of the red roses atop the bedside table. Shoko kept squinting her eyes to allow the light to distort the room around them. Though it made no physical difference, it was a comfortable illusion.
She could imagine they were at a restaurant by the window, eating chocolate cake with blood red hearts iced onto the plate. Or laying in a meadow, sharing a thermos of tea by the creek. It may seem foolish after all these years, but she adored the idea of Valentine’s Day. Everything was so adorable and heartfelt. More importantly, she was excited to spend it with Shôya, but it was just another thing she’d taken from him.
Carefully resting her hand above his heart, she watched the rise and fall of his chest. Salty tears fell against his hospital gown. She hated how fragile he looked. He’d overcome so much and now he’s bound by a fate she’d played a part in.
The speakers rested against the floors, vibrating the floor as they danced in the centre of the attic. They couldn’t do any grand moves, but all Shôya wanted was to see her smile light up. University had been stressful for both of them, taking their time and sanity. But these moments put all the pieces back together.
Shoko rested her head against his chest and he pulled her tight against it. He’d almost missed this. If he’d jumped, he’d never know what it was like to dance into serenity. He’d never understand what it meant to have his heart beat for another.
Her cheek nuzzled deeper into his chest as he breathed in her strawberry sweet hair. Keeping his sway steady, he softly sang along with the tune.
Sail up the sun and keep your chin held high
And if you ever lose your breathe, then you can inhale mine
And when the day comes just don't leave
Tomorrow's gonna bring us what we both need
Her face pressed firmer against his chest to listen to him sing. She always commended him for his singing voice; that was one of the lovely ignorances of not being able to hear. She didn’t know how off pitch he was, all she cared about was the low rumbling in his chest.
It tortured him that she ever considered herself a burden. That a younger version of him played a part in her belief that she was anything below perfect.
He’ll fight every day to show her that she’s a gift. That she’s the most kind, beautiful, and selfless person he ever met. And that he’s lucky to have her.
Some people have a death pact, they have a life pact. They both exist because of the other, they both saved each other from themselves. Each moment they shared was all the more precious.
She couldn’t help but wonder if the bread made any sound as it hit the water. It always rippled out, but never splashed in the same way as when the coys’ tails struck the surface. Perhaps it was one you’d need to be close to hear the soft patter of the crumbs.
A soft caress of her arm broke her from her reverie. Shôya towered over her with an enormous grin.
Elated, she leaped up to him, pulling his lips against hers. His lips wrestled against hers, but were too quick to pull away. Confused, she backed up, to find Shôya had already burst into laughter.
What? She huffed as his eyes glistened in amusement.
Wordlessly, Shôya pulled a crumpled loaf of bread from between his arm and ribs.
Shocked, Shoko brought her hand to her mouth and let out a small giggle of her own.
You’re too sweet, Shô. Shoko broke off a piece and brought it to her mouth. The crust was crunchy with a soft centre that melted against her mouth with a bitter salt.
Save some for the fish. Shôya teased, passing her another piece before stealing a chunk for himself.
Stepping on the ledge, she leaned over the railing as she crumbled the bread above the water’s surface. She could feel Shôya’s warm gaze upon her as she reached behind her for another piece. His hand was rough, yet softly soothing as it brushed her skin to set the loaf within her grasp; he gently curled her fingers around the piece he’d broken off for her.
As she hovered the bread over the rushing water, Shô’s supportive hand pressed at her lower back. Once she’d wiped the crumbs off her palm, Shôya was pulling her in. Her pounding heartbeat weakened her knees and numbed her shuddering lips. He bent over and wrapped his long limbs around her, enveloping her in warmth.
Allowing the constellations to shift in the sky, they stayed interconnected. It wasn’t until their breath started to float white that they allowed space within them.
I missed you. Shoko lovingly kept her gaze on Shôya’s tired eyes, marked by thick violet bags.
Soon, we’ll get to spend every night together. Shôya’s smile was comfortingly genuine, but weak.
Brushing his nose along hers he lovingly pinched her jaw. The world froze as she lost herself in emerald eyes.
Chuckling to himself, he signed their playful line of adoration. I love moon.
Rotating the pad of her foot against the bricks of the bridge she signed back. I love moon, too.
With a lopsided grin, he brought his elbow out for her to grab. Skipping to follow him, she slightly pushed in his dishevelled shirt. She really only used it as an excuse to touch him, she knew that by his next two steps his white dress shirt would have slipped out again. A bit of a mess, like Shôya himself; however, unique and irresistible just the same.
Is he going to be okay? Shoko signed towards her sister Yuzuru, who was listening intently to the quick lipped doctor.
Shoko tried to blink through her whitening vision. He had to be okay. Her breaths picked up as Yuzuru’s face started to drop.
Please, Yuzuru, what are they saying? Shoko poked her sister. She needed to know no matter how bad.
Yuzuru heavily sighed while she looked down at Shoko's shoes.
They say he got an infection. He must have been in pain for a while. Her tears fell against the floor that she continued to gaze intently towards.
Gripping at her chest, Shoko attempted to stay up. She felt like she was back on the ledge. The chilled gravel balcony ledge scraped at her feet as she soared through the air; her stomach jolting as a hand seized her wrist.
She was supposed to catch him. Back then and today. She knew he was sick. That something was wrong. Why hadn’t she caught him?
Tumbling to the ground, Yuzuru’s hands coiled around her arm. Guilty tears brewed between her lashes. Once again, she was caught before she fell.
Shôya’s face burned as he hovered over his homework. He tried to ignore the sweat dripping onto his page, blurring the pencil marks.
Bringing his hand to his back, he lightly tried to rub away the pain, sending a wave of nausea biting at his skin.
A warm hand rubbed between his shoulders, bunching the fabric against his skin. His movements were languid as he turned to the holder of the hand.
Blush pink hair cascaded to the desk beside him as honey caramel eyes sparkled towards him in concern.
Are you okay?
His features were sluggish as he nodded. He didn’t want her to worry about him.
Her brows furrowed as she tried again.
Sho, you don’t look well.
A muted chuckle fell past his lips. He tapped his head against her shoulder, a small sign of endearment. Sitting back up he defended his health once again.
I’m OK. Just tired.
Shoko ran the pad of her thumb along Shôya’s cheekbone, trying to look past his eyes. Trying to hear what he would not tell her.
Knowing his expressions were too loud, he gently grasped her wrist and nuzzled his flushed cheek into it. He thought it would calm her down more, but her increased concern was painted across her face.
He’d forgotten how sweaty he was.
The stones shifted under her feet as wind blew through her hair. White trails of steam painted across the brilliant blue sky as she stepped closer to the height of the horizon. The last drips of winter tingled at her nose, a spring of freshness that could not be replicated; ice dripping off branches, dirt muddying under the soles of her feet.
Taking a deep inhale, she scanned the horizon. It was captivating how everything seemed so petit, yet so suffocatingly vast.
So beautiful. She signed with her eyes on the scene. Once her last finger moved she turned to see Shôya, only to see he had fallen to his knees.
Her feet slammed against the ground as she felt the remnants of a tense fear rattled at her throat.
I’m ok. Ok. Ok. Shôya kept signing as his ebony hair caught in his eyelashes. His elbow was shaking under his weight as he kept signing OK over and over.
No matter how much time passed, it was clear that Shôya would constantly struggle where other people ran. The surgery had been complicated, too many aspects happening at once. He’d been too close to the edge of death.
Shoko dropped to her knees on the uneven ground, slicing her knees as she took Shôya’s forehead on her shoulder. His fingers clasped into her knees as his back heaved from his heavy breaths.
Miyako paced the waiting room of the hospital. She’d barely been able to remove her finger nail from her mouth the entire time she’d been there.
Yuzuru tightly squeezed Shoko’s arm.
Disheartened, Shoko turned towards her sister. Yuzuru’s dark eyes were filled with sympathy, leaving an acrid taste in Shoko’s mouth. Everyone should be looking towards her with venom, not remorse.
I don’t know if I can fix this. Shoko sighed before glancing towards Miyako. It was the second time she’d put her son in the hospital.
Of course not, you’re not a doctor. Yuzuru shrugged with a suggestive smile.
Shoku waited until Shôya’s mother turned her back before signing towards Yuzuru again. Does Miyako hate me?
Yuzuru’s face contorted as if she was debating slapping Shoku. No. Absolutely not.
Miyako paused at the window, light softly pooling around her blonde hair as she teetered back and forth.
She should. Shoku dropped her face into her hands and started sobbing.
It’s strange, that crying has such an array of noises. Sometimes she can hear the edges of tears, but it’s fascinating to know that there’s so many differing sounds to salty drops falling across your cheek.
A warm presence against her lap shot her attention out of her clammy paws. Blonde hair with a splash of jet black laid upon her lap. Shoku trembled as she patted Miyako’s head.
Sniffling, Miyako pushed to her knees. Maybe we should go find some flowers? Or a Valentine’s card?
Shoku shook her head. I need to be here. What if his surgery finishes and I’m not here?
Shaking her head, Miyako gave a tearful smile. Then, he’d have hours before he woke up. Would Shô want you to sulk in the waiting room?
Yuzuru shouldered her in agreement.
But I need to be here. I already failed him once by being… She bit her lip enough to draw the taste of iron. … too late.
Miyako’s cold hand wiped away Shoko’s tears. This is not your fault.
He was sick and I- , her frantic signing was soothed by Miyako’s hand, forcing her to pause before she continued her own line of thought.
Shoko. Infections happen. I wish Shô had said something first. Spoke about the pain. But he chose not to. She paused to wipe at her tears. That man’s too prideful for his own good.
Shoko grabbed Miyako’s hands. They shared a couple beats, supporting each other.
Come on. Miyako tugged Shoko while nodding toward Yuzuru to follow. Watching the wall won’t help heal him. Let’s go get us a snack and find him a gift. OK?
Bashfully smiling, Shoko nodded. She kept her light hold on Miyako’s hand as they weaved through the crowds of the hospital. Shoko couldn’t understand it. That everytime she wanted to wallow in guilt, that she prepared for the brunt of the pain, Miyako would adore her and care for her.
It seemed backwards; she constantly expected her to scream. But instead, she always held her arms out.
Shoko instinctively flashed her head back towards the shadowy hallway. She would give her life, her heart, for him. Please let him be okay.
“Sowwy!” Shoko shrieked, being subdued by both Yuzuru and Shôya’s mother.
“Itssss… itsss oo kay…” Shôya could barely recognize his own voice as he tried to wave off Shoko’s concern.
Paramedic’s were moving so quickly their limbs blurred into oil painted smudges. His skin was scorching while his body ran numb.
“Tellll hee-er…” Shôya pushed his voice out, but no one seemed to hear. Didn’t they understand that Shoko needed to know it wasn’t her fault? That she always carried his post injury symptoms at heart?
She needed to know that every ache, strain, and fall was worth it.
He’d rather share every raggedy breath with her than steadily breath in solitude.
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
Shôya’s eyelids were heavy as a blinding yellow light blurred the edges of the red roses atop the bedside table. A slight smile pulled at his weary face, he thought that he was supposed to buy the flowers for Valentine’s Day.
Beep, beep, beep-
His heartbeat started picking up, disturbing the angel cuddling at his side. Caramel eyes sparkled under tears towards him.
Be-Ep.
Her stern face was broken, her fingers still resting on his chest.
You made my heart skip a beat. Shôya chuckled as she rested her ear along his drumming heart.
Beep~ Beep~ Beep~
I love the sound of your heart. She ran her finger along her lower lip once she’d finished speaking.
Be-Ep-Be-Ep!
It’s a lot more irritating with this machine. Shôya pointed to the heart monitor.
They say surgery went well. She slightly tilted her head, shifting the pressure on his chest.
I live to see another moon. He smiled while bringing his left hand across her cheek. Her lips stretched to touch the edge of his thumb as he grazed past.
BIP BIP BIP
You scared me. Her face stilled again, not wanting her message to be lost in dreaming eyes.
I’m sorry. He kept rubbing his non-dominant hand across her face as he spoke, not wanting to pull away from her beautiful expression.
No. I’m sorry. Tears welled up again as her jaw quivered. I did this.
She went to hide her face, but Shôya pinched at her chin.
Bipbipbip. Her glistening eyes swam into his, hanging onto his every word. Bip bip. Beep. Beep. Beep.
Do you hear that? He asked her, caressing the bottom edge of her lower lip.
Furrowing her brows, she stared in silence as the rhythm of the room was set by an electronic echo.
That beat plays for you. He pulled his hand away from her face to pull at her fingers. As he rested her palm on his chest it started to pick up with a deep pace, not necessarily fast, but strong.
BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.
Tears streamed down her cheek as she smiled.
Reflecting her smile, he pushed down on her hand against his chest. Enamoured in her beauty, he spoke again.
I love you, a dry chuckle, I love moon.
He was rewarded with an amused snicker. Happily sighing, he kept speaking.
I’m here - I’m alive - because of you.
Her cheeks reddened while she nuzzled back into his chest. Inhaling deeply, he watched as her soft blush pink hair trailed down his ribs. He’d made countless mistakes throughout his life, but falling in place of Shoko would never be one.
Moon, my heart beats for you.