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You stand there, unable to comprehend what happened, staring into a blank spot in space, your mind going a thousand miles a minute. You're not sure how, and why it happened, but you suddenly realize that the person you believed was the love of your life has just left, and you're not sure what to do with this information.
How do you begin to move on?
What is the first step? 9 years, down the drain.
Nothing you could’ve done or said could’ve stopped her. The hurt, the damage was already done.
You feel your heart actually cracking even though you realize that this is impossible. You didn’t think it would hurt this much.
You never realized how much your life was intertwined with another one until you no longer had them in your life.
All your dreams
All the goals
They are gone.
How to wake up and recover from that pain. You didn’t even get a say.
She just up and left, leaving you with everything inside.
Why if this was the end goal for them, why did they not inform you of this before.
Why were they so cruel as to show you dreams, hopes, just yesterday you were talking about the future.
You heard her whisper I love you in your ears while she hugged you tightly. And now? Today?
She only wanted to leave.
She didn’t see a future with you anymore. You were no longer worth it, you were too difficult to deal with, too weird, too damaged.
She was calling you the woman of their life not that long ago.
And now you're stuck here in this place, with all the memories of 9 years, all the time that had passed, all the adventures and experiences you shared since graduating Nevermore Academy, all the crimes you solved together.
How will you be able to sleep in a bed that was ours? Shower in a bathroom that still has your horrid shampoo and smells faintly of your flowery perfumes?
Dress without thinking that that specific sweater belonged to her and will still smell like her.
Who will you be with, who will you grow with, who will hug you tightly even if you swear up and down that you abhor physical contact? She always managed to slip past every barrier you had, showering you with affection and care even when you believed you didn't need it, that it was beneath you.
Why…
I just want to know why…
Why did she leave? Why could she not stay and fight for us? Why was it so easy for her to leave me?
I feel so alone…So lost…Stuck
I just wanna die.
This hurts too much…
--
So it begins.Today was the first day I woke up in our bed by myself, without you by my side, it was the first night in a long while I ever had to sleep without you, and I’m unsure how to feel.
There’s a part of me that feels numb and then there’s another a little bit positive, like it can be possible to live without you.
But then I take a look at what used to be our home, and everything reminds me of you.
You’re in every corner of this house, I can still feel and hear your laughter reverberating the walls, your questions and good mornings, the time spent cooking and making breakfast, sharing our space and joking around.
The plans we made for the day, your jokes, your smell, your warmth.
But now it’s all gone.
There’s no more you, and I’m stuck left with this emptiness.
It seems so hollow.
Moody has always been my characteristic, my personality, everyone would describe me as such, even though you always defended me and explained that moody was not the correct word, I’m cooky, I’m eccentric, I’m different and that was what made me special.
But now, now that you’re no longer here, I feel like crumbling into despair, the agony such like I’ve never felt before.
Heartbreak sounded much more fun in the books., it sounded like the opportunity to raise again, to reinvent yourself, to try new things, etc.
But you don’t feel like even getting up from the bed that still smells faintly of you.
I just want to be wrapped up in your arms and to hear you say that everything was going to be okay, that we will go the distance and continue to wreck everything in our path.
But the only thing that hugs me is silence, the only thing that I hear is the faint whisper of your name coming from my lips.
Even though you hurt me, all I can think now is that I want you to come back.
Will you come back?
Will you try once more with me?
You can’t take the pain, and burst crying in your bed, hugging her pillow. Sweet Lucifer, when will this pain stop!