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In, out. No matter how deep a breath she tried to take, it didn't feel like enough. There was still a deep weight on her chest, leaving her lungs to feel like they couldn't quite fill up.
She so desperately felt the need to crawl out of her skin and escape the itch that came with having lost control of her own form, with having to be in the body of another and see her own so close to hurting those who had grown closest to her. What she wouldn’t give to be back in Sharlayan or any other city where she could take a scalding hot bath and burn the sensation away.
For now, the biting cold would have to be enough. It wasn’t something she normally tolerated well, but it was something to push through and remind her that she was still in her own body.
She curled in on herself, legs hugged tight and folded against her chest. Her tail thumped a restless beat behind her as it tapped against the secluded walled alcove she sat upon. A soft crunch of snow snapped her out of her thoughts as her eyes quickly sought the source of the sound.
“Raha…” she trailed off, her voice barely above a whisper. Of course it was him, deliberately heading her way even as he made effort to make his steps audible to keep from startling her. Tears suddenly welled up, the sudden swell of emotion coming back despite how desperately she had been trying to numb it.
G’raha closed the last bit of distance quickly upon seeing the slight shift in her demeanor. Stopping directly in front of the wall, one gloved hand came to grip her calf, gentle and grounding. The other came to brush away fallen tears.
“Are you certain you’re alright?” His piercing red eyes searched her face, and as much as she wanted to continue to be as strong as she had been trying to be, that exterior was beginning to crack.
A slow, nearly imperceptible shake of her head had him moving as if to sit beside her before he faltered slightly in his movement. “Is it alright if I stay?” At her nod, he pushed himself up on the wall next to her. A sturdy arm wrapped around her shoulder pulling her close to his side. She curled in closer, careful of her horn as she rested her head against his shoulder.
“Do you want to talk about it?” She stayed quiet for a moment, focusing on how solid he felt next to her and how much easier it felt to breathe in his presence than it had been just moments prior.
“I’m afraid.” There was a comfortable stillness as she tried to collect her thoughts into a tangible explanation. “I can’t get the image out of my head, of seeing myself from afar, so close to all of you, to you.” Her voice cracked as she broke off, trying to reign back in the swell of emotion and fear that surged back through her as her thoughts raced. G’raha’s arm stayed steady around her, thumb brushing soft circles on her upper arm in an effort for comfort and ground her.
“I do not know if they will try such a trick again, or if it was simply meant to do this. To make me fearful, to make me think that I am no match for Zenos even while we have much more important and imminent worries to focus on.” Her tail looped around him, snug against his hips and resting along the side of his thigh, finally still in the comfort his presence provided.
“It would not surprise me for any enemy to try to use putting those I care about in danger as a way to hurt me, but to have it happen by my own hand-”
“That was not you.” The intensity in G’raha’s voice was a surprise, and she lifted her head to look at him. “It may have been your face, but nothing else that makes you who you are was there.” He leaned to press his forehead against hers, eyes fluttering closed. “If anything did happen, not one of us would have blamed you because none of it was your doing. Besides,” he pulled back, offering a smile. “We would not go down without a fight.”
“Thank you.” She leaned forward to press her lips to his own in a chaste kiss. “You are right, of course. Rationally I know this. I just hope that as time passes it gets easier to not constantly think about, to not see that scene replay every time I close my eyes.”
“If it is at all within my capabilities to help with that, I will be more than happy to assist.” G’raha leaned back in to kiss her, lingering just a bit longer this time. “Or distract,” he added within a grin.
His words managed to pull a laugh from her as she bumped his shoulder with her own. “Distraction will have to wait for someplace warmer, I’m afraid. But otherwise, I will gladly take you up on that offer sometime. The cold may have done wonders for sharpening my focus, but I still detest it. Could we head back now?”
“Of course.” G’raha pressed a kiss to her forehead before sliding off the wall and turning to offer her a hand to help her down.
Her fears placated for the moment, there were more immediate worries, more immediate things that needed to get done. She would do her best to manage them all, to save the star, all with a pillar of unending support at her side.