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‘ugh he’s soooo ugly and untalented’
‘if i were him i’d just kms hahaha’
‘i hope he gets raped’
Those were just some of the comments Jisung saw when he opened up Instagram first thing in the morning. He feels worthless. Just yesterday, he mustered up the courage to finally post something on his group’s shared Instagram after a long while. Chan promised him everything would be alright, that Stays would support him, but that was far from the truth. All Jisung saw when he scrolled through the comments was hate. He was worthless.
Jisung didn’t even know he was crying until a tear landed on his phone screen. He feels pathetic. After all those years of training, perfecting his craft, he is still terrible. He really did trick himself into believing he was worth something. He knew Chan pitied him and that’s why he became a part of Stray Kids. He didn’t deserve to be here in the 3Rachajin dorm. He should’ve never been a part of 3Racha. He should’ve never let Chan pity him.
An explosion went off in Jisung’s mind. Emotions of anger, sadness, jealousy, and disgust ran through him. Jisung threw his phone across his room and it hit the wall with a loud thunk . He couldn’t take it anymore. He punched at his thighs as hard as he could to try and dissipate all the emotions. When that didn’t work, he started to scratch at his arms as hard as he could hoping to draw blood.
Jisung didn’t know how much time passed by but he eventually felt strong hands grab at his arms. Someone was talking, but he couldn’t hear over all the blood rushing in his ears. Suddenly, he felt a person hug him from behind while stroking his hair. After a few moments more of struggling, Jisung finally started to calm down. That’s when he could make out a voice singing to him. It was Chan singing a lullaby, but not just any lullaby, the lullaby his mom used to sing to him when she was still present in his life.
“ Sleep well, sleep well my little baby. Don’t let the worries bother you. ” That was when Jisung realized Chan was also patting a rhythm on his back. A rhythm to follow with his breath so he did.
“ All the worries will go away,” Chan continued.
Jisung yawned as he came back to his senses.
“Sweetie, are you there?” Jisung heard Chan ask. The younger tried to mumble a response, but found it very hard as his voice was hoarse, “You were screaming and scratching at your arms. Once Changbin managed to get your hands away from your arms, he ran to grab the first aid kit.”
That was when Jisung realized he was on the floor of his bedroom. When did he get there? He then looked down at his arms and saw some of the wounds he made on himself. He started to tear up again.
“Chan…” Jisung croaked, “I’m so sorry. You can just let me go, I know I’m fucked up.”
“No. Jisung stop saying that. You are amazing. Never doubt yourself. I picked you because you were one of the best trainees. You exhibited way more skill than all the others. That is why you’re here. Don’t listen to those comments.”
“You saw the comments?”
“Yes,” Chan made a small gesture to where he had placed Jisung’s phone next to them, “Changbin heard a loud bang come from your room. When he opened the door, he found you having a panic attack in the middle of the room. He tried to talk to you, but you were unresponsive. That is when he yelled for me. I found your phone across the room still opened.”
There was a knock at Jisung’s door before it was gently pushed open.
“Nurse Binnie reporting for duty~~” Changbin said as he sat in front of Jisung with the first aid box. Changbin immediately got to work, opening the box to find some of the antiseptic wipes to wipe across Jisung’s arms.
“Changbin, tell Jisung some of the better comments on the post,” Chan grabbed Jisung’s phone to unlock it.
“Oh, I saw one person say that they wanted to squish your cheekies so bad! You were too cute for them!” Changbin smiled.
Jisung let a small chuckle out as Chan opened up to that exact comment.
‘ HEEES SO CUTEEE I WANNA SQUISH HIS CHEEKIESSSSSS’
Jisung saw another comment.
‘where’s felix? we want felix not jisung’
“Chan…” Chan looked at the comment Jisung pointed to. Jisung saw Chan’s jaw twitch in anger.
“Look at how many likes that one has. Only two. The other comment though? 613 likes! And look at the comments under the bad one. They love you too Jisung!” Jisung leaned into Chan more as the wipes started to sting. Changbin muttered a sorry before grabbing the bandages.
As Changbin was bandaging the younger’s arms, Chan read out more positive comments.
‘jisung best rapper!!!’
‘my bias 😚 i wish to be like him’
‘i can’t believe han won best 4th gen all rounder in that one twt poll… he’s so cool!’
Jisung blushed. He felt embarrassed for how worked up he got earlier.
“I’m sorry about my outburst-“
“We all zoom in on the negatives Sungie, it’s human nature,” Chan soothed, “just remember to look for the positive ones too.”
“Uh-huh,” Changbin stuck out his tounge in concentration as he applied the last bandage, “you’re all good! I’ll leave you alone with Chan now. I promised to meet Hyunjin at the studio in 10 and I’m running late. Love you Hannie!” Changbin kissed Jisung’s forehead before leaving. Jisung lips wobbled.
“Hey~ why are you crying??” Chan playfully ruffled Jisung’s hair.
“I love everyone so much!” Jisung leaned his head into Chan’s chest.
“Let’s lay on the bed, it isn’t comfortable on the floor,” Chan picked him up and placed him down gently on the bed.
“Can we cuddle?” Jisung made little grabby hands. Who was Chan to say no?
“Of course sweetie! We have the day off so we might as well get some rest.” Chan slid in next to Jisung and put his arm around the other's waist.
After a couple minutes of silence, Jisung spoke, “Hey, Chan?”
“Yes?”
“Can you sing that lullaby again?”
“Anything for you~~ Sleep well, sleep well my little baby… ”
Jisung slowly let sleep take over him.