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Alain had what he perceived as many positive qualities. He was an excellent spy, who always got the job done and never faltered. He was swift and cunning. And also, according to Ellen, the perfect ladykiller (though nowadays he reserved his charms only for her). He had a lot going on for him. But being good at playing with toddlers was never one of those things.
Not for lack of trying. He always did his best, but still came off as too stiff and awkward around them. Him! Can you imagine? And the worst thing was that it didn’t change once he became a father. It bothered him sometimes. What good was he if he couldn’t even play with his own son? But any time he started doubting himself, Ellen swooped in and reassured him that it will get better once Jeremy gets older.
Until then, he enjoyed watching him play on his own more than anything in his life.
Sometimes, he was joined by Ellen, and they would both watch what was the little rascal up to. He would soon be three years old and was so lively. Always flashing his teeth as he smashed his toys against one another or ran in circles for hours.
It was when he showed them one of his big smiles that Ellen started laughing so much that she teared up.
“What’s going on, chérie?” Alain asked, confused. Sure, their son’s grins made him smile too, but never like this.
“Nothing,” she wiped away the tear from her eye. “It’s just that… look at him! He has the same teeth as you. Isn’t that cute?”
Huh? What was she talking about? Alain shot a glance back at the boy, focusing more on his newly developed pearly whites. Surely, they weren’t the same. After all, Jeremy had a large overbite, and yes, Alain might have a small one too, but there was no way it could be this bad, now, could it?
“He does not,” he scoffed then, frowning.
That night, when everyone was fast asleep, he sneaked into their shared bathroom to look at himself in the mirror. His frown only grew as he scrutinized himself. Truly. He never noticed it before, but now that Ellen brought it up, he could see that he had prominent front teeth.
How awful! was the first thought that crossed his mind. How did he never notice this?
He was so preoccupied with the image in the mirror that he almost missed the tiny creak of the door. He stiffened but forced himself to relax and not immediately reach for the knife. He was safe, his family was safe. It was just Ellen.
She crossed the room and wrapped her arms around him in a warm embrace. Usually, he wouldn’t let anyone get near his back. But not her.
As absurd as it sounded, he felt safe with her. At ease. At home.
“What’s wrong, honey? Why are you standing in front of that mirror?” Then she seemed to recall their conversation and asked, looking him in the eye: “Is that because of what I said about your teeth?”
Long ago, he promised he wouldn’t lie to her. So in a rare moment of sincerity, he slumped his shoulders and admitted, his accent becoming more prominent: “…it’s hideous.”
“Now, now, hold your horses. So you are telling me that Jer-bear’s teeth look bad?”
“What?! Non, of course not!” In fact, he would kill anyone for even suggesting such a thing.
“So what’s the difference? Why are you saying such a mean thing about yourself?”
He didn’t know. But it bothered him. Jeremy was still young, he would grow out of it. And even if he did not? It would become a charming little quirk. His son could pull it off. But what about him? He was a spy, for Christ’s sake! He couldn’t afford quirks. There couldn’t be even a tiny crack in his perfect façade.
“It’s not the same,” he shook his head.
“You’re acting silly,” she frowned. “So what? Are you gonna pull them all out and replace them with false ones?”
She was joking, but the way he just shrugged in response put a disturbed look on her face. “You’d be surprised how common it is in my line of work.”
They stayed silent for a while, looking at each other’s reflection in the mirror. Then, she wrapped her arms around his waist once more and rested her head between his shoulder blades. That at least put a smile on his face.
“You know I’ll support you no matter what, right? But for what it’s worth, I like you just the way you are. Flaws and all. And I love that Jeremy takes after you. At least I have something to remember you by when you are away.”
Ouch. His heart was beating so hard against his ribcage that it hurt. What did he do to deserve this woman? He finally turned around to face her and lifted her chin, so she was looking him in the eyes.
“Merci, mon amour. I know it’s not always… easy being with me, but…”
She gently shushed him with a finger on his lips. “Ah ah. No more of that, dummy. We’re all lucky to have you. Try to remember that.”
“I will.” He leaned down to kiss her like he meant it. Their lips brushed together in a slow, sensual dance they both knew well by now. It didn’t take long for hands to start wandering, hushed gasps exchanged between them like a secret. Having eight children in such a tiny apartment meant they rarely had the time or space for intimacy anymore. They had to make do in hotel rooms and such. That’s what made this all the sweeter. “The kids are asleep, non?”
“They are. I checked up on them before I went here,” she whispered against his lips. That was all it took for him to lift her in his arms and quickly put her down on the cabinet near the sink, while still kissing the living daylight out of her.
He never wanted to let go. So, of course, it was then they heard a boyish screech coming from the kid’s bedroom.
“Ma? MA! Jeremy has escaped his crib again!”
In unison, the two lovers let out a frustrated sigh. Really? Right now?
“Couldn’t pick up a better timing,” Ellen sighed. She turned towards Alain with a small, apologetic smile. He already knew the drill. This wasn’t the first time they were interrupted, and for as long as all the eight boys lived under the same roof, it wouldn’t be the last. Not that he didn’t love them all like his own, but sometimes, he just couldn’t help wondering how wonderful it will be once they all grow up and move out for college. “Sorry, love. I have to go there. But perhaps we could continue some other time? How about another date night? What do you say?”
“Of course,” he gave her one last peck on the cheek before she scurried off to find their unruly son. Just as he was about to leave after her, he caught his look in the mirror. Cheeks flushed radiant red, hair made a mess and lips chapped from all the nipping. As far from perfection as one could ever get.
And yet, he didn’t hate what he saw.