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She locks eyes with him from across the room while Fin talks following her introduction. She hasn’t spoken to him, to Elliot, much since that night in her apartment. She hasn’t known what to say really, and neither has he. The ball is in her court now, she knows. If she wants more, she has to be the one to tell him. And she does, always has if she’s being honest, but the thought of it all going wrong and her losing him again? She can’t deal with that. Even though this…holding pattern that they’re currently existing in isn’t much of anything at all.
She just wants her friend back to start with. The late night conversations about nothing between cases. The teasing about whatever guy she was currently dating. The updates on his kids. Even though now his kids are grown and there’s a very real possibility that he could be the guy she’s dating. That old bond, that closeness, they used to share - she hasn’t felt it in a while. Maybe a flicker of it here and there since he’s been back from Italy, but nothing that made it feel like they were partners again.
He holds her gaze from across the room and she finds herself wishing that he was closer. They should talk - here in a crowded, public place - instead of alone in her apartment where her personal space and senses are being overwhelmed by the intoxicating scent of his cologne he hasn’t changed in 20 some odd years.
Fin finishes up his acceptance speech and slides up next to her again. Her attention shifts back to him.
“You dragged him here with you?” Fin asks, his gaze focused on the back corner where Elliot is standing.
Olivia rolls her eyes. “I didn’t drag him anywhere, I invited him.”
Fin raises an eyebrow at her.
“Not like that,” she groans. “And besides, he’s not the only one.”
She angles her chin to the side of the room where Munch and Cragen just walked in.
“We getting the band back together or something?” he asks, laughing.
“We’re celebrating you , my friend,” she tells him, giving him a gentle nudge. “Thought you might like the extra company.”
“You’re always full of surprises, Liv.”
She pats him on the back as Munch and Cragen make their way over to them.
“You skinny son of a bitch, you left Baltimore for this?” Fin asks, breaking out into a grin at his old partner.
“Can’t you greet a person like a normal human being for once?” Munch asks in return.
“Who said you were a normal human being?” Fin jokes back.
Cragen sighs, shaking his head and trailing behind him.
Olivia grins, watching them all interact, noticing Elliot wandering over this way as well. He slides in to stand next to her, but inserts himself into the conversation already at hand, giving Munch crap for getting married again. She lets his proximity affect her only for a moment, refocusing on the group as a whole.
It hits her in her chest - all of them here together like this. It’s been over a decade since the five of them were all in the same room together. The feel of it, both so foreign and so familiar, is almost dizzying. She nearly feels like she’s in her 30s again listening to Munch and Fin bicker while Elliot eggs them on and Cragen grumbles something about being too old for this. The passage of time frozen in an old squad room that no longer exists.
“Tell me karma is working in my favor and you’ve got detectives now just like this,” Cragen says to Olivia.
“Please, we weren’t that bad,” she huffs.
“Oh no? Remember what happened in 2007?”
Kathleen’s DUI and Elliot wanting so desperately to make it go away. Her covering Simon’s ass. That whole thing with Darius and Fin.
“That was a lot of family shit hitting the fan at once,” Elliot says. “Not about us as a unit.”
“Chaos is what it was,” Cragen says.
She looks over at Elliot and he must know where her head is at, because he meets her gaze. That was all around the time they were accused of being too close to be partners. Choosing each other over the job, keeping each other’s secrets.
Do you have any romantic feelings for Detective Stabler?
She feels it then. Their old connection, their old spark. All from a single look.
“That right there,” Cragen says, pointing at them. “You deal with that at all?”
She knows what he’s asking, but plays dumb, knowing acknowledging it, acknowledges an even bigger elephant in the room. “With what?”
“I think you know,” Fin mutters.
“Rollins and Carisi got married,” Elliot offers, still looking at Olivia, a stupid grin on his face.
“And you know Muncy and Velasco are sniffing around each other. Only a matter of time, I’m calling it now,” Fin whistles.
God, she hates that they all just know .
“I’d watch out for that if I were you,” Cragen smirks.
She feels Elliot straighten up a little beside her, like he’s trying to make himself taller, preparing to protect her. This is why. This is why they all know.
“Captain to Captain,” she starts. “I’ve got a handle on my squad, thank you. Now butt out. You’re here to celebrate Sergeant Tutuola, not harass me about my past.”
“Past, huh?” Munch asks, eyeing their proximity.
Has he been standing this close to her the entire time? Why does he always insist on invading her personal space? Why does she kind of like it?
“Scuse us for a moment,” Elliot says, smiling as he gently guides her off to the side of the room.
“Oh yeah, cause this is going to help,” she groans.
“Just trying to stop you from saying something you’ll regret.”
“Do you always have to protect me?”
“That’s one promise I made a long time ago that I intend to keep.”
She huffs, starting to turn around.
“Don’t look back at them,” Elliot tells her. “It’ll only make it worse.”
She huffs again, but ultimately agrees.
“They’ve always been like this,” he keeps talking. “Remember how Fin used to joke about how he actually watched your back instead of your backside? With Kathy gone it’s just -”
“More inevitable? A long time coming?”
“Hits a little closer to home.”
Olivia sighs, pushing a hand through her hair. “Were we that bad?”
He shrugs. “Depends on the year.”
She shakes her head, darting her gaze to the floor.
“Why, how do you remember it?” he asks.
Fuck, does he realize how loaded that question is? What is he trying to get her to confess to here? He already knows all of it. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t be trying to kiss her in the middle of her kitchen.
“I remember thinking there’s no way in hell I’d ever be able to do this job without you,” she tells him. “So much for that.”
“Olivia -”
She holds up a hand, gesturing for him to stop. She doesn’t want his long-winded apologies again about trying to save his marriage and needing a change of scenery. What she needs is for him to hear her.
“I remember being this young detective fighting like hell not to fall for her partner, for her best friend, but doing it anyway. Even though I knew, I knew , it was never going to happen. I remember the office pools those assholes over there actually tried to shut down over the will they - won’t they when you first started going through your separation. The constant gossip because you would look at me like, just like that , and everyone, including me, would get the wrong idea. I remember Cragen telling me you put in your papers and locking myself in an interrogation room, crying so hard I started to hyperventilate.”
She forces herself to meet his gaze. “I watched Rollins and Carisi fall for each other. It wasn’t like us. Everything about it wasn’t so damn hard and complicated. And these new detectives? They’re looking to scratch an itch - it’s not…it’s not -”
“Then be with me,” he cuts her off. “I remember wanting to spend more time with you at work than I wanted to spend at home. For a while there, being home was hard. Being with you wasn’t. And I remember the pools and the gossip, and the way Fin almost decked the desk sergeant once for implying you were the reason my marriage was going up in flames. They may tease us, but they know us. They know the truth. That nothing has happened, but we both want it to. Liv, I - I hate that I hurt you. Give me the chance to make it right. What have we got to lose at this point?”
He takes a step closer to her. She knows the guys are watching, rooting for whatever this is for whatever reasons they have. The three of them watched this all unfold firsthand. They watched her fall apart after he left. Fin watched her put herself back together again. But like Elliot said, they know .
“You were my family for 12 years,” she tells him. “And then you were just gone. If we do this, we’re family again. And you can’t just leave.”
He takes another step toward her, reaching out to cup her face with one of his hands. She lets her cheek press against his touch as he moves closer still. Lets that cologne of his once again invade her senses.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he tells her. “This is exactly where I want to be.”
She looks up at him. “We’re really going to let all of them watch this?”
“Why not?” he shrugs, brushing his thumb across her cheek. “Give ‘em the show they’ve always wanted.”
“I should have just let you kiss me in my kitchen,” she laughs.
“I caught you off guard that night, I’m sorry-”
“El?” she cuts him off. “Just kiss me.”
He grins, closing the rest of the distance between them and pressing his lips to hers. Her arms instantly wrap around his neck as his other hand slides up to cup the other side of her face, both of them holding each other there in the kiss.
“Past my ass!” Munch yells at them from across the room.
“It’s about damn time!” Fin yells after him.
She’s not sure, but she thinks someone is clapping. That wouldn’t be Cragen, would it?
Olivia pulls back for a minute, looking up at Elliot and laughing. “What if we tell them it’s a prank?”
He snorts, but then the expression on his face swiftly changes to concern. “It’s not though, right?”
She smiles, shaking her head, and pulling his mouth back down to hers. The hollering continues and she feels one of Elliot’s hands leave her for a moment to…wave them off?...flip them off? Either is fine with her, honestly. Especially when his hand returns to her, both of his now sliding down around her waist.
He pulls back a few moments later, slightly breathless, and presses his forehead against hers. “Someone somewhere just won a decade-old office pool.”
She shakes her head. “You know, the nice thing about the turn over rate in our unit? Fin is the only one still there who has any idea who you are.”
“Come on, that’s not true. We’ve had some shared cases between our units since I’ve been back.”
“Sure. But they don’t know our history.”
“Well,” he hums, “your sergeant over there can catch them up when you dip out of work early to come hang out with me.”
“Me? Leaving work early? Or on time even? Ask my son, that does not happen.”
“Maybe it’s time you learn to delegate there, Captain Benson.”
“Is this going to be a kink of yours? Calling me Captain?”
He raises an eyebrow at her. “Do you want it to be?”
She laughs, playfully shoving him away
“So,” he starts, looking back out across the room. “Who do you think won the pool?”
“Cragen.”
He shoots her a look, but she points in their direction, watching as both Munch and Fin hand him cash.
“Our own boss,” Elliot shakes his head, pretending to be offended.
“To be fair, he is the one who read the report Hendrix wrote after she evaluated us as partners.”
“What do you think that said?”
She shrugs. “Either it wasn’t bad or he chose to ignore it since he never separated us.”
He slings an arm around her shoulders. “I suppose we should go back to celebrating the man of the hour.”
Olivia hums. “He sees us all of the time. Do we have to?”
“Yes, but imagine the things they’ll say if we leave together right now.”
She shrugs again, looking up at him. “Let ‘em.”
“Are you -”
“Take me home, Elliot. They don’t need to be privy to what happens next.”