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The sadness will end soon. In a few minutes, the course of time will be corrected, and life and reality as we know it will be over. Bobby smiles and tells me that it’s going to be okay, it’s all going to be okay. He flashes that million-dollar smile as his eyes brim with tears, his breath shuttering in my ear. I’m feeling lightheaded, and my focus starts to go as the blood runs down my shirt. But I look into Bobby’s eyes, so warm despite the icy blueness, and I hold on just a little bit longer. Part of me is selfish, part of me would rather die with him right here than lose him. But the better half of me wins, the half that loves him more, and knows that I have to give him a chance at a future - I owe it to him, to all of them.
Tears are spilling from my eyes and falling onto Logan’s face like the last rainfall of spring. I think of spring back at school, leading Bobby out into the courtyard and shivering through the stone walls, the halls echoing with our failed attempts at being quiet. He turns the lake into ice so I feel closer to home, and I tell him that I’m already home. And I wish with all my remaining strength that I could make the world turn backwards, that I could pierce time and escape into my memory. If we could go and hide behind the waves of time, where the clock ticks backwards and winter steps into fall, would you follow me? I would follow you in every time, in every story, and I feel the love bursting out of me, clawing at my chest, a lion’s roar trapped in the mouth of a kitten.
I can feel the thump-thump-thumping of your heart, and I can hear the incessant tick-tick-ticking of a clock, and I wince at every second that moves on by.
“Kitty?” Your arm is still around me as you pull me back from the darkness. I look into your smiling eyes, red with pain and exhaustion, but smiling, nonetheless. Time seems to slow and I swallow hard, the smell of iron and blood overwhelming me. I think no matter where we end up in the next life, I’ll never be complete. Even if I don’t know you, if you don’t even exist, I think a part of me will be frozen in this moment, your eyes glossed over and weary, but shining with love. I couldn’t love you more, and yet, somehow I do. And I’ll stay here, smudged across time, my heart fractured across these realities like the ice you laid down for me a lifetime ago.
Something bursts through, a light seems to be coming from everywhere. It bursts from the floor, the walls, it flows over the hills and through the rubble. You hold me tighter, you bury your face into my neck and I let out a sob. I try to speak your name one last time - Bobby, Bobby? But I’m too weak, and you’re already gone. A shell of light sculpted in your place. I feel like I’m melting, like my insides are made of wax. I hope this last image of us is immortalized somewhere. I hope someone else can see what I see now. You, wrapped around me, me, crying onto you. I take one last breath as the light takes me.
I hope this is the end for me. This is how I want to go. I think anyone would choose dying surrounded by love. I think everyone wishes they had a little more time.
-
“Professor Pryde?”
Everything is blurry and my limbs feel heavy. I blink and squint against the golden light filtering into the office.
“Logan? Logan!”
“Uh…” Logan raises a hand and motions to his face.
“Oh!” I snatch the paper sticking to my face and set it down on the desk
“I’m -” I clear my throat, “I’m sorry about that. What can I do for you?”
Logan smiles, shakes his head, and looks down. When he looks back at me, I’m stunned to see the faraway look in his eyes. His stare is shining with joy and pain, something lost and something found.
“Is…everything okay, Logan?”
“Yeah, yeah. Yes.” He smiles at me sadly. “You just reminded me of someone who saved my life once.”
I laugh in disbelief. Then I laugh a little louder. He stares at me gravely, his face pale.
“Well…we’ll just add the ability to save the lives of immortals to the list of useless superpowers?”
“Yeah, okay,” he chuckles. “We’ll do that right after naptime, sounds good?”
“Is it lunchtime?” It suddenly occurs to me. I feel the blood rush to my cheeks and wince at the volume of my own voice. I’m on my feet before I even realize it.
“Do you want to have lunch with me? I was going to go to the court-”
“The courtyard, yes, I figured.” He smiles sadly again. “Let’s go.”
Logan is out of my office before I manage to even shuffle out from behind my clunky desk.
“Logan, wait - wait!” I heave as I run up behind him. He smiles and pushes on ahead through the foyer.
“Hey Kitty!”
I turn around and meet Bobby’s eye; he’s on a bench next to Rogue. She smiles up at me.
“Hey guys! Are you heading out?”
“Oh no, it’s way too cold out there!” Laughs Rogue.
Bobby smiles and shrugs. I smile and keep on walking. Logan does not turn around.
Rogue wasn't lying - with the wind, it feels like it’s in the negatives. I shiver and silently thank myself from ten minutes ago for having the good sense to grab my winter coat as I race after Logan.
Storm is already on the bench, overlooking the frozen lake. She’s huddled into a corner, holding her bowl close to her face.
“Storm!” Logan calls. “Can’t you do something about this weather?”
“Not how it works.” She shivers and doesn’t raise her eyes. “I can’t make it hot everytime you’re sniffling, Logan. The world doesn’t revolve around you.”
Logan furrows his eyebrows in mock confusion.
“No?” He sits next to her. “Are you sure about that?”
She nudges him affectionately and we all laugh.
“We could always just, you know -” Storm leans forward. “Eat inside. Where it’s warm.”
“And deprive Kitty of the only daylight she gets? I think not.”
I laugh a polite laugh, but I’m not really listening. I’m looking out at the icy lake, so peaceful. The sun shimmers off of the ice, the bitter wind whipping the trees around. The fountain in the middle is my favorite part. Above the water spouts sit two small marble figures. One leans on the other, his arms wrapped around her, his face buried in her neck. She faces him, and a small stream of water flows from her eyes onto him. But the water is frozen right now, the whole fountain is, along with the lake. I stare up at the frozen figures and I feel hollow inside. I feel inexplicably sad and I don’t know why. I give them one last mournful glance, and then I turn back to my friends, losing myself in conversation.