Chapter Text
Jungkook wakes up all cosily snuggled against Jimin before he realizes, to his utter horror, that his secret is out.
He remembers everything that happened last night.
Every. Single. Thing.
With a deep sense of foreboding, he stares blankly at the ceiling as his life flashes before his eyes. Well, his life in the past two days, to be precise.
Taehyung catching him in Jin hyung's bed… the emergency meeting… slipping into littlespace right in front of the hyungs, like, IRL.
Busteddd.
Istg JJK, you're in so much shit right now.
Gingerly he eases away the arm draped around his middle, trying not to jostle his hyung, who's still trilling little kittenish snores. This smol hyung, he huffs fondly. He needn't worry; Jimin in slumber is dead to the world.
Finally wriggling free, Jungkook slumps against the headboard to continue his existential crisis.
Welp, I'm fucked. Like- fucckkkkkkkkk.
Random scenes start rolling through his mind, like a jerky film reel on loop. He shuts his eyes in despair, as his hyungs' faces appear, one by one.
Hobi, teasing him with tickles and kisses.
Jimin, struggling to hold him when he freaked out.
Taehyung sobbing, after JK dashed his phone to the ground.
Namjoon, bribing him with the Ironman toy.
And Yoongi… Yoongi giving him a long, hot bath, complete with a rubber ducky Joon unearthed from somewhere; gentle hands washing his back, smoothing in an emollient cream for his rashes.
The t-shirt he's wearing is one of Yoongi's, he realises. A huge, faded Kumamon tee, soft and worn and comfy on his sensitive skin. He plucks at the fabric, so baggy the collar slips off one shoulder.
His face warms, inexplicably blushing as he tries to think of anything else but the moment when he slipped and called Yoongi hyung 'Papa'.
Flustered, his roving eyes pause on a hanging picture frame. A group selca, taken onstage after their last concert in Busan, the masses of Army forming a twinkling purple sea in the background. A wave of despondence floods over him, thinking of how it could be their last concert till who knows when-- no, no, don’t think about that, ugh. Searching, he zeroes in on the most prominent face in the picture- Seokjin, his worldwide handsome hyung.
His absent hyung.
With a lump in his throat like a sharp-edged pebble, Jungkook recalls the words Jin hyung had murmured into his ears, as they hugged goodbye at the military camp.
***
"Jungkook-ah," Seokjin's breath tickled his ear, "Hyung will be fine. Stop worrying, okay? Be good and take care of yourself."
He nods and sniffs discreetly, eyes burning with the effort to keep his tears from spilling. Seokjin tactfully turns them around until his back is blocking the camera that's pointed at them, filming a Bangtan bomb for legions of inconsolable Armies.
"Yah! Aren't you glad hyung can't bully you anymore?!" Seokjin teases, giving him one last squeeze. JK breaks into a wobbly smile and thumps him on the arm, too weak for a playful punch.
Unwillingly, he steps out of the hug for the others to have a turn, hands brushing longingly across his beloved hyung's broad shoulders.
Shoulders that have carried, chivied, babied and bullied him since he was just a boy of fifteen.
JK is 25, now. A man, not a boy.
***
'Not a baby anymore', he told himself fiercely, chanting it over and over in his mind, all the way on the dreary car ride back to Seoul. ‘Grow up, JK.’
Truth was, Jungkook could feel himself on the verge of slipping into littlespace, overwhelmed by the stress that's been accumulating for weeks. Jimin had sussed it out in a flash by JK's telltale flinching at every sound; how his knees kept bouncing nonstop, and the way his hands clenched into tight fists, wadding the shreds of damp tissue he'd scrubbed over his eyes.
Worried, Jimin had pressed in closer, snagging his hand in a firm grip. Jungkook was practically vibrating with tension; any tighter and he'd snap faster than a frayed rope above a candle flame.
At Jimin's grounding touch and murmurs of assurance, JK went limp. All the tension whooshed out of him. Drained, he buried his face into his hyung's neck and screwed his eyes shut. Jimin stroked the back of his hand, over and over. He stayed composed when JK's tears silently seeped out, even as his jacket shoulder got sopping wet.
When JK eventually dropped off to sleep, Jimin breathed a quiet sigh of relief. On his other side, Yoongi lifted a curious eyebrow. Jimin shook his head and settled back, arms tight around his precious maknae, holding him secure as he slept. He only roused the boy when they were about to reach, just to get a sleepy ‘mm, k’ for dinner at Namjoon's.
♧
Nobody commented when Jungkook mostly stayed quiet during the dinner. He'd piled his plate high with a bit of everything and steadily chomped away with a scowl, ignoring anything not directly addressed to him. The hyungs were used to his angry bird eating face, which usually showed his approval. Except this time, Jungkook was scowling mainly to stop himself from sobbing.
Occasionally he would join in their fond reminiscence with a halfhearted chuckle, totally missing the worried looks Jimin would shoot his way every now and then.
He held himself together by sheer will, until the hyungs were well in their cups. JK barely touched his drink; he needed an ironclad grip on his control, just not to slip.
Soon enough Namjoon was lecturing one of his potted cacti; Hobi staring blankly into space; Yoongi flat out sleeping with his mouth open; and Jimin dissolved into tears over the kdrama no one else was watching.
Even over the sounds of his mobile game, JK heard Tae trying to talk to him, but ignored it until he went off in a huff to dance by himself.
Five minutes later he was mumbling goodbyes and donning his favourite combat boots, aggressively tugging the laces too tight as he swallowed down a bubble of dejection.
He said he would head home, but JK found himself hailing a cab and giving their dorm's address without thinking twice.
♧
And here he is, two days later, regretting it with every single fibre of his being.
He really should have headed back to his own place. Even with Bam at his brother's, he should have braved the empty house. Then he could have had his breakdown in private, instead of that spectacular show in front of everyone and their cheese.
What must they think of him now?
He shudders, chewing his bottom lip raw, so deep into his worry spiral that he missed Jimin gradually stirring awake. A sphere of viscous liquid slowly replaces the air around his head, warping outside sounds and sensations, like dunking his face into a murky pool.
"...kie?"
"'guk…....Jungkook."
"JK!"
By the time Jimin bolts up to seize his shoulders, JK is jerking and gasping for air; his head nodding rhythmically for all the world like he’s bopping to techno music. It’s nothing less than a full-blown panic attack; muscle spasms making his head and shoulders twitch uncontrollably. (Jimin has had more than his fair share of meltdowns, so he recognises the panic attack at once.)
Instead of trying to guide his breathing- JK is too far gone for that- Jimin tugs the neck of his loose t-shirt up over his mouth and nose, then cups his small hands over it, creating a sort of air pocket. It forces Jungkook to breathe in less, not more; overbreathing was what caused the imbalance in the first place.
After a few interminable minutes Jimin’s hands are cramping, but Jungkook’s breathing has somewhat evened out. The silent disco is over; his head no longer bouncing to a macabre beat. Sliding his hands up to cup his cheeks, Jimin catches and holds his panic-stricken gaze, thumbs swiping at spilled tears.
“Jungkook? Can you breathe better now? Nod for hyung if you can, please.”
It takes a minute, then Jungkook shakily dips his head.
“Are you big right now, sweets?”
He nods again.
Out of the blue a small hiccup pops between his lips. The tension crackles and Jimin giggles, flinging his arms around Jungkook in a tight embrace.
JK's breathing gradually steadies as he matches his hyung breath for breath, Jimin's narrow chest comfortingly pressed to his; arms around his waist. Jimin relaxes his hold, letting the younger bask in a loose hug. He only lets go when his breathing is completely back to normal.
They stare at each other for a few beats, both hesitant to start talking about the elephant in the room. The elephant that's practically sitting on the corner of the bed, at this rate.
"Jimin hyung-"
"JK-ah…"
They start and stop talking at the same time. Smiling fondly, Jimin gestures for him to go first.
Jungkook steels his nerves and pushes himself to speak past the pebble in his throat.
"Did I…did everyone see me yesterday? See me as Gukkie, I mean," he fumbles, awkwardly twisting the t-shirt between his hands.
Jimin nods patiently and waits for him to continue.
"Do they…? I mean. Did they understand- urgh, why is this is so fucking hard," he groans and drops his head, pressing his palms against his eye sockets until fireworks explode behind his closed eyelids.
"Hey, hey. Don't start, Guk. It's okay," Jimin urges, rubbing his shoulder. "Just say it, I'll wait."
Jungkook drops his hands and thunks his head back onto the headboard, eyes still shut.
"I know it's weird, hyung. A full ass grown up playing at being a child? Acting like- like a 'big baby'?" Jimin winces, recognising the words from Taehyung's message. He didn't think little Gukkie would even pick up on it when he'd spoken about the text.
Jungkook carries on ranting, his face pinking with shame. "Worse, I couldn't control it, I couldn't! I tried, hyung," he wails, dashing angrily at the tears seeping from the corner of his eyes. "I was trying *so* hard not to slip! I knew I shouldn't do it in front of the others. I told myself they wouldn't get it; that they wouldn't understand, they couldn't. They'd find it disgusting and weird and and-," his breathing hitches as a full body shiver wracks through him.
Jimin squeezes his hand firmly, silently encouraging him to go on.
"What do I do, hyung?" JK begs, desperately wringing at his hand as Jimin keeps a stoic face, keeping a firm grip on them. "What if the hyungs think I'm a freak…" he trails off with an anguished sob.
"Jeon Jungkook. Stop talking about yourself that way, you hear me?"Jimin gives him a hard stare, using his wiry strength to tighten his grip on JK's wrists until he winces. "There is nothing wrong with you, baby, nothing. We've been through this before. You know it's not abnormal, what you do. So many people do it as well, for different reasons," he pushes aside JK's fringe to peer lovingly into his eyes, "and some of them can't help it, just like you. And that's still ok, cos you know why?"
Jungkook shakes his head, heart in his mouth. Jimin hadn't quite yelled at him, but the way he raised his voice had been startling enough. His beloved smol hyung almost never scolds him, or doesn't mean it when he does. The few times he'd ever made Jimin truly angry, Jungkook had been miserable, and hadn't rested until he'd gotten him to forgive his mistake, careless or otherwise. And Jimin can be stubborn, but he always caves in before too long- he can't stand seeing Jungkookie miserable, either.
"Because age regression is a thing, there's a known basis for it; medical and psychological reasons behind it, and it's even sometimes used as therapy. Did you know that, baby?"
"Hyungggg," he whines pathetically, pushing away his hands, "don't call me that right now. You know I'll slip," he pouts.
Jimin chuckles. "That's alright sweetie, you're safe with me. I'm right here with you, you can just let go." Jimin's earnest expression fills Jungkook's chest with a warm and gooey feeling, like caramel.
"I know, hyung. Not right now, thank you," he shakes his head, pensive. "Before last night, I've never slipped with anyone else around besides you," he adds, doubtful again. "So I'm not sure why it happened."
Jungkook picks at the bedspread, caught up in his thoughts as Jimin settles back to wait. JK has a habit of taking his time to work through his feelings. He isn't necessarily bad at them, nor at expressing himself. But his abject fear of being an inconvenience to anyone else, especially the hyungs he holds with such high regard, often makes him hide his struggles, believing he can work it out by himself.
(Jimin thinks back with a pang to when it had all spiralled, way deeper than any of them imagined. When the maknae had dropped into a bad headspace, so deep for so long, that by the time they found him, he was dazed and wounded in the tub, bathwater tinged a light pink that wasn't a bathbomb. That had been such a terrible scare, none of them quite recovered from it. The whole group had made a pact between themselves to keep an eye out for Jungkookie, for any of them, really, so that it would never happen again.
For that reason alone, Jimin's nearly a hundred percent certain that none of the others would grudge their youngest this one thing; the one thing he has, that could help him manage his depressive tendencies.)
"What do you mean, sweetie? Try telling me what happened, so I can understand," he coaxes.
"I don't know why I slipped so fast, hyung" JK frowns, "...or why I slipped around them at all."
His gaze turned inwards, Jungkook begins to recount the series of events last night.
"First Hobi hyung offered me banana milk, Joon prepared my favourite Cheerios for breakfast, and TaeTae let me watch Ponyo…." Jungkook trails off, bewilderment clear on his face. "There was even that album out, the one with our baby pictures. But why was it outside in the first place?"
Then he recalls what else had been there- the toys. Ironman? He looks around wildly for a second, breathing a sigh of relief when he finally sees the figure tangled up in the sheets. He remembers going to sleep last night clutching the toy, thumb in his mouth for comfort. Yoongi had put him to bed after the hot bath, but worn out and overtired, JK had tossed and whined for Jimin. He only settled down when his beloved Minnie hyung cuddled with him in bed, and patted him to sleep.
Jungkook peers at the toy in his hand, turning it over and over, lost in thought. "Jimin hyung," he asks warily, "Why did Taehyungie hyung have this again? Like, how come they were all just there for me to find?"
By now Jungkook has a sneaking suspicion that something was afoot last night and he's not sure he likes it.
Jimin shrugs. "Tae got them for his cousins 'cos we were going back home for the break. He was going to share my ride to Busan, then carry on to his parents' place in Daegu." JK knows that Jimin prefers the KTX train since he gets carsick, but obviously that stopped being an option for any of them long ago. Missing the doubtful look on Jungkook's face, he continues, "Tae ordered them online the other day, along with some presents for his parents."
"So why were they just lying around outside? And the album? And the movie, and everything else?" Jungkook's breathing starts to pick up again, growing uneven as he gets worked up. Jimin tightens his grip around his wrist in warning.
All of a sudden Jungkook looks at him, stricken.
"Jimin hyung. Have you ever told them about me being Little?"
Jimin gasps, affronted.
"Of course not! I wouldn't give you away like that, Jungkookie," Jimin insists, taking his limp hand for some paltry comfort. "It's not my secret to share."
"Then why did it seem like they were trying to get me to slip? All those toys…those things I like, that are guaranteed to make me feel little?"Jungkook could feel his heart racing as he tries to wrap his head around the implications of that.
(Next to him, the older boy is staring hard at the their linked hands, his mind racing. He has to do something before JK spirals again. His eyes snap up and he decides to take a gamble.)
"Hey, Jungkookie? It's getting late, hyung is hungry. Dinner was a long time ago," he points out wryly. "You think we can go get some breakfast? And then maybe look for Yoongi hyung afterwards? I wasn't here last night, so I can't speak on their behalf. Let's ask him more, okay?"
(Jimin poses the question craftily, knowing that Jungkookie would be too considerate to refuse food if he thinks his hyung is starving. And he's convinced that if anyone could help to explain the mess that went down yesterday, Yoongi could.)
With a start, Jungkook jumps out of bed and starts tugging at his hand.
"Why didn't you say so earlier! Come on hyung, let's have breakfast," he insists, all put out at the idea of Jimin going hungry for his sake.
He hesitates, then mumbles, "And I suppose we can speak to Yoongi hyung afterwards."
I have a lot of questions for him, and for Taehyungie hyung, JK thinks darkly, a seed of suspicion sprouting in his mind.
♧
Jungkook sighs and pushes away his plate, guiltily eyeing the unfinished pancake. When Jimin suggested it he had been all for it. But it looks like his nerves have gotten the better of him; his face says he couldn't possibly stomach another bite.
Without missing a beat, Jimin leans across the table and scoops the leftover pancakes onto his own plate. The younger looks pained, but Jimin just smiles and shrugs in a 'more for me' gesture.
It's early enough that none of the others are up yet; he can hear the rusty chainsaw snoring of Namjoon from his bedroom. (He always slept topless and with the windows and door wide open, claiming it lets the wind pass through. Conversely, when his door was shut at night everyone knew what was probably going on, but tactfully none of them mention it.)
He knows that Hobi had pulled Taehyung into their shared bedroom, since he left his bed empty when JK asked for him last night. He assumes they stayed up late talking, Hobi probably making sure that Tae was okay, and grilling him about Jungkookie.
As for Yoongi… he hopes that their now eldest hyung (oof, that hurt) hadn't stayed up too late thinking. He really needs to hear the real deal about last night, as much as Jungkook does.
And Yoongi hyung is probably the only person who's safe to talk to, he reflects. Jimin has been quite out of sorts for a while now. He tends to have this blind spot when it comes to Little Gukkie. He is so fiercely protective, it would take very little for him to snap. He'd be snarling like a wildcat poised to defend its cub, striking first and asking questions later.
Shoving the last of the pancake into his mouth, he stands up and stretches, patting his full stomach.
"Jungkookie, would you help start the coffee? Two cups please. One with cream and three sugars-"
"And one straight black for Yoongi hyung, right?" The younger springs eagerly to his feet. "Got it."
Jimin smiles, pleased, and heads to the bathroom to wash his face. "Just leave the coffee on the table, I'll come back with him," he calls over his shoulder.
♧
Splashing the cold water on his face wakes him up proper, as he ponders what he will say to lure Yoongi out of his cave. I hope he’s awake at least, Jimin muses, towelling his face dry. That would be half the battle won.
In the end he decides on the most direct approach, knocking twice before letting himself into Yoongi’s bedroom.
To his pleasant surprise, the man himself is up and about, tinkering on his laptop, although his bedroom remains shrouded in darkness with the blackout curtains drawn tight, only a small gap allowing a sliver of light to pierce the gloom.
Jimin chuckles quietly to himself at his gremlin hyung being as allergic to sunlight as ever. Some things never change.
“Morning, hyung,” he calls out chirpily, not too loud. Yoongi barely spares him a glance before grunting in reply, gaze focused on the music editing software he has open. A quick look at the screen shows the multiple bars of a finished? old? piece, and Jimin relaxes. He won’t be trying to pull Yoongi away from a creative streak, which would have been impossible. Instead it looks like Yoongi is doing what he does when he has something on his mind- busying his hands while his brain worries.
It takes just thirty seconds of peering quietly over his shoulder, before Yoongi turns around with a sigh.
“Yes, Jimin-ah? Can I help you?” he offers wryly, leaning back and tilting his neck side to side, grimacing at an audible crack.
“You can, actually,” Jimin says brightly, reaching over to clasp the back of Yoongi’s neck. He rubs at it briefly with his small but powerful hand, digging in a thumb as he speaks.
“There’s a fresh cup of coffee in the kitchen,” he offers, smiling cheekily when the other man groans as he makes quick work of the tense shoulders. Yoongi goes as far as swivelling the chair around to give him better access, Jimin obligingly using both hands for the impromptu massage.
Obviously buttering him up, but whatever works.
“And Jungkookie and I would like to speak to you about yesterday,” he finishes in a rush, hands stilling as he waits with bated breath for his hyung’s response.
“I knew it was a trap,” Yoongi grouses. “What about it?”
“Well…” Jimin starts off delicately. “We’re both curious how and why Gukkie slipped as fast and as deep as he did, when everyone else was around? He’s never slipped around anyone other than me. I mean he's done it by himself, but only after telling me, in case he has trouble getting out of headspace; or worse,” Jimin winces at a bad memory, “if he has a drop afterwards.”
Yoongi startles badly at that, hard enough that he knocks the mouse off the table and has to bend over to pick it up.
“Dropping? Is that a thing that happens with littlespace?”
“Rarely, but it's not out of the question. It only ever happened once with Gukkie, and it wasn’t pretty. It’s why I’m so careful not to bring him out of headspace too abruptly, like last night when Joonie hyung got upset and called him by his full name instead of Gukkie.”
Yoongi narrows his eyes, thinking hard even as he saves his work and shuts down the laptop.
"I didn't know it'd be that easy to snap him out of headspace," he says cautiously, fiddling with the things on his desk and not meeting Jimin's eyes.
"Not usually, no. But tensions were running high and he was upset, remember? Gukkie's really sensitive when he's in littlespace- literally any little thing can set him off. He even remembers that I mentioned Taehyung calling him a big baby in his text," Jimin flushes guiltily. He sees Yoongi flinching and he groans, thinking about how he'd arrived with all guns blazing, ready to come to the rescue.
"Come on, hyung. I know I might have come off a little strongly, but I promise I won't get angry!"
Yoongi slants him a disbelieving look, but gives up as soon as Jimin turns on his woeful puppy eyes.
“How about I throw in another shoulder massage afterwards?" he adds craftily, sweetening the pot.
“Fine,” Yoongi answers shortly, getting to his feet and stretching noisily, wincing as his body crackles and pops in protest from hunching over his laptop for hours.
Jimin pauses, a niggling suspicion in his mind.
“Yoongi hyung, did you even sleep at all?” he exclaims, hurrying to catch up as the elder sweeps out of the room.
“Sleep is for the weak. I can sleep when I’m dead,” he snarks.
Alarm bells go off in Jimin’s brain. That can’t be right, Yoongi hyung loves sleeping!
“Now, where’s the coffee?”
Still puzzling over the non-sequitur, he almost crashes into the elder when he stops short at the entrance to the kitchen.
“Morning, Yoongi hyung,” Jungkook’s voice pipes up. He sounds nervous, Jimin notes.
He doesn’t sound Little, though.
Mystified, he steps around Yoongi to settle in at the table, reaching for his creamy latte with a contented sigh.
He waits impatiently as the elder stiffly takes a seat, and Jungkook slides him the black coffee.
“Ah. Any sugar in this?” Yoongi checks. Jimin can’t be sure, but it seems like he’s avoiding looking Jungkook in the eye, too. The uneasy feeling he had earlier continues to prickle at his neck.
Jungkook shrugs, puzzled. “Don’t you have it black?”
Yoongi hums, clasping his hands around the mug. “Think I’ll have two sugars today,” he says cryptically.
Not just one, but two cubes of sugar?!
Without a shadow of a doubt, Jimin knows that something is seriously bothering Yoongi hyung.
A pit of dread opens in his stomach, even as he drains his mug, nearly scalding his tongue in his hurry.
Looks like they have more than one mystery to unravel.
♧