Chapter Text
"It's a bird. As a pet. Because I thought- maybe you'd want something to take care of, after, you know."
“I don’t, Mom. I… why? I didn’t ask for a pet. You always get me these things I don’t ask for. I know what you mean, I just don’t have the space for these things.”
"Oh, don't give me that. You know... I know it must be hard for you. I can't imagine it. Orange, dear, I'm so-"
“Stop, okay. I’m… I’m tired of hearing that. It won’t… Okay, just… why a bird?”
"Well, I know how much trouble you've been having, and I just thought that, maybe it'd help you'd get up every day."
“Sure. It might. Mom, I don’t want a bird. Did you think of that? You can’t return it? You’re the one who bought it. You should take care of it.”
"You know how Dad is. He'd never take care of that thing. And I’m not going to do it. Look- honey, just try, okay? Tell me you’ll do that. I love you."And then Orange has to say her "I love you" back to her mom because that's the end of the call and the conversation.
There’s all this disgust and revulsion sitting in her chest now. Because when the postman comes all Orange can imagine on the other side of the door is the coroner again. So a bird is better, right? It must surely be better news to hear about a package (even an unwanted one) than a hit and run.
She lifts the cage in one hand.
The cage is small and the bird smaller. It shrinks away when she leans near. It's eyes are dark, beady, framed by shimmering red. Barred in by thin brass wires. It’s a European goldfinch apparently. She hadn’t been aware they weren’t always the yellow and black she imagines them as. There's a perch, the bird's feet wrapped tightly around the rod.
Orange cannot imagine the bird is happy in such a cage. She'd guess the bird can hardly stretch it's wings. She considers just letting it go. Surely the one bird wouldn't do something awful. The finch is so small, though, and she thinks of hawks and cats and whatever else eats birds. She looks at the way it shakes.
(Quietly, her brain reminds her she had said that she could go bike riding on her own).
The bird came with a note, handwritten.
Orange,
I know how difficult it must be for you these past few months. I thought that maybe a pet would cheer you up, and I know your place doesn't allow bigger animals. You always did love birds, right?
Love, Mom
It's a sweet idea. Even Orange can see that. But if only any of that were true! A passing remark about birds she made years ago became her only interest to her mother, and now... Orange thinks about the stacks of bird themed cards and plates and trinkets that sit in her closet. And now she has this living animal that her mother purchased for her with all the same thought as she gives when she buys a sculpture. Something for Orange, another gift she has no space for.
Bitterly, Orange recognizes that her mother being unwilling to care for the bird was a reason that she could not take it back, and yet Orange being unwilling to care for it did not mean the same.
The bird chirps quietly at her, head flitting around as it shivers. She sighs and places the cage on a console out of the way. The bird fits into the space neatly, nestled between unopened mail and opened mail Orange couldn't get through. She needs to go to the pet store now.
It's probably hungry. She has no idea how it was handled in transport, and it likely wasn't fed. Food for the bird then, a better cage maybe? She has money she’s not spending anymore, she thinks, and then hates herself for it.
At the pet store, she learns that cages are expensive. Out of budget. Even the smaller ones make her balk at the price. Orange tries to justify the purchase, that this isn't a luxury because there is a living animal at her home that needs it. She can't get around the price tag, and leaves the aisle.
The birdseed isn’t expensive. There’s a bag of thistle seed on the shelf she’s pretty sure would last the bird for years, considering it’s size. Orange buys the seed and leaves, flustered at her inability to get the bird anything better.
She knows that she cannot be blamed for it, surely. That with the way the economy is right now, and that she did not ask for the bird. And she would say that to another but still it sounds to her like she’s running through a gauntlet of excuses for exactly why she should simply have bought the cage.