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Elliot squinted at the bright light of his phone screen, just barely able to make out Olivia Benson in his sleep-induced haze.
Hey! You awake?
I am now. What’s up?
Can I call you?
Always.
He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and noted it was just after three in the morning as he waited for the call to come through. He smiled as his phone lit up with Olivia Benson and the new ringtone he had set just for her blasted through his speakers.
He let out one last yawn as he answered the phone. “Hey.”
“I know it's late,” Olivia quickly greeted and then paused, “um, early?”
He laughed slightly. “It’s okay Liv. I told you, you can call any time for any reason.”
“I know and I appreciate that. It’s just—” He heard her curse as her phone pinged with an incoming text message. “Hold on, El.”
He could hear her mumbling to herself as she typed away at her phone, and the mental picture almost made him laugh in his sleep-induced stupor. The way she typed on a phone was ridiculous; it always had been, but he had noticed it more since he had been back. Secretly, he loved the way her fingers furiously tapped on the screen as if she could infuse her tone into her typed words.
“Sorry, Elliot.” She took a deep breath. “Fin, has gotten himself, well it wasn’t his fault, but Fin has gotten himself into a situation and now Bruno’s involved, and they are stuck in limbo with this whole mess until I show up to call the shots as both of their superiors. How does Fin go home after a party in his honor and then get involved with someone he arrested over 20 years ago?”
Elliot wasn’t exactly sure what she was talking about as she had quickly evolved into rambling, and he knew her question was more rhetorical. “Sorry, I missed his party. I had planned on being there, but Jet—”
Olivia gasped almost like she had forgotten something. “How is she? I heard some of the details.” Olivia went silent for a quick second before almost too quietly adding, “We missed you.”
His breath caught at her openly admitting that she missed him, but his brain luckily caught up to answer her question. “She’s good, for now. She’s still dealing with a lot, but I think she’ll be okay.”
“Good, that’s good.” Olivia paused for a second. “She’ll need someone to talk to; it helps.”
He could hear the way her voice broke, like she remembered some personal experience, and he wondered what she was thinking about. “Liv?”
“Yeah, still here. I’m sorry, Elliot. I shouldn’t have called; you’re probably—”
“Liv! Olivia!” He finally heard her take a deep breath indicating she was listening, “It’s fine. What do you need? What did you say about Fin?”
“He’s dealing with some guy he put away over twenty years ago. He showed up in his apartment; he was apparently there when I dropped him off. I had no idea.”
“So, you need a partner?” Elliot jumped out of bed, stumbling around to find a clean pair of jeans. “He being held in his apartment?”
“What? Oh, no, I don’t need a partner, tonight.” He could almost hear her shaking her head, a slight grin forming on her face. “Fin talked the guy down, and now, they’re on some quest to prove his innocence with Detective Bruno.”
Elliot paused with one leg in his jeans. “What?”
“Exactly what I said when he called. Listen, it’s a long story, and I don’t exactly have a lot of time to explain.”
“Okay,” he sat down on the edge of the bed, “tell me what you need, and I’ll be there.”
“It’s Martha; she’s sick, and,” Olivia took another deep breath, “I need someone to come watch Noah. He should stay asleep the whole time, and I’ll do my best to be back for school drop-off, but if you’re too tired, I can try Amanda.”
Elliot smiled at the fact she had thought of him first to watch her son. “Of course, Liv.”
She sounded slightly nervous. “You sure? It’s no trouble?”
“Give me about 30 minutes, okay?”
“Okay.” He could hear the way she seemed more relaxed as she spoke again. “Thank you, Elliot.”
“You don’t have to thank me, Liv.” He tossed the jeans to the side and stumbled through his room, quickly throwing a few things in a duffle to have for work so he wouldn’t have to drive all the way back to his apartment. “I told you, you are family, both of you. You tell me what you need, and I’ll be there. Same goes for Noah.”
“I—it’s just—” Knowing her like he did, even after all the years apart, he knew she was on the verge of tears at him calling her and Noah family.
“I know, Olivia.” He knew by her small intake of breath, she understood what he meant.
“I’ll set the couch up for you.” He could hear more shuffling in the background. “Maybe you can get a few more hours of sleep.”
“Thanks, Liv.” He found a clean pair of sweatpants to tug on and his grey hoodie. “I’ll see you soon, okay.”
“Drive safe, and Elliot,” Olivia paused whatever she was doing to make sure he heard her, “don’t knock, okay? Just call me.”
“Sure.” He thought that was a little odd, but decided not to ask questions right now. It was probably just so he didn’t wake up Noah.
~oOo~
The drive into Manhattan was quick at three-thirty in the morning, despite the rain.
He quickly found parking and made his way to the front of her building. He stopped at the front desk, and Jorge waved him forward, letting him know Olivia had already called down.
He shook out his nerves as he rode the elevator up to her floor, giving himself a mental pep talk all the way up.
Don’t screw this up, Stabler.
Show her you’ll always be there. Show her you’re not going anywhere.
Remember, don’t knock. You better call.
He pulled his phone out of his pocket and called her. “Hey, I’m on the elevator.” The doors opened and he stepped out and made his way down the hall. “I’m outside.”
The door quickly opened as if she had been waiting on him, and she took his breath away. Even at almost four in the morning and running on almost no sleep, she was beautiful. He quickly realized he was staring when she cleared her throat.
“You plan on coming in?” He looked at her and noticed the grin on her face; she may not be ready, but she also wasn’t admonishing him for staring, like he hadn’t caught her staring at him too.
He lifted up his duffle, the nervousness of being in her space quickly settling in again. “I, uh brought my stuff for work. I hope you don’t mind.”
“Of course not.” She turned around and finished gathering her stuff. “Feel free to make yourself at home.”
He nodded as he took his shoes off and stacked them next to hers and Noah’s. “You ready to head out?”
Olivia nodded as she turned around to where he knew she kept the gun safe. “Just need my service weapon.” He stood there unsure of what to do with himself as he watched her; she turned back around to look at him once she clipped her gun onto her belt. “You can secure your gun in here. Noah knows gun safety, but I like to keep them locked away when he’s home.”
“Of course.” He handed his service weapon over to her and watched her place it in the safe and finish locking it up. He smiled to himself, thinking about how domestic this moment was becoming with her getting ready to head into work and him sending her off into the dark of night to be the fierce Captain and friend he knew she was while he stayed home with Noah. He caught the laugh right as it tried to escape his lips. He knew he didn’t have time to explain what he was laughing about, and he wasn’t so sure she would see the humor of it either right now.
She took a deep breath as she turned back around to face him, and he could swear her cheeks were slightly flushed. “Everything should be fine, but if you need back into the safe,” she paused and bit her lip, her sign that she was nervous too, “the four-digit code is one you know pretty well.”
He looked at her with his eyebrow raised, amusement clearly written across his face, and he realized she was blushing for sure this time. “Starts with a six by chance, partner?”
She merely grinned at him and nodded. “I have to go. I should be back before he needs to be up for school at 6:45. I’ve already woken him up and told him you were here, but I’m not sure he heard me since he mumbled something incoherently and instantly fell back asleep. He’s a pretty heavy sleeper, so he should stay asleep until I get back. I’ve left some pillows and blankets on the couch for you, so make yourself at home. You have my number, so if you need anything call me.”
“He’s safe with me, Liv.” He held her jacket up and helped her into it.
She smiled as she turned back around and made her way to the front door. “I know; I trust you, Elliot. He trusts you.” She opened the door and stepped out. “I’ll call you later, okay?”
He nodded and called after her. “Be safe, Olivia! You take care of Fin, and I’ll take care of Noah.” She waved at him, and he watched her until she was out of sight. He wasn’t sure exactly what the case was, but he sent up a quick prayer of protection over both her and Fin. He shut the door and double-checked to make sure it was locked before making his way back to her living room. He stood there in the middle of her space looking around. He had been here before, but he hadn’t had a chance to just look around and take in the space and its little glimpses into the last ten years of her life. He looked at the pictures adorning the tables and the walls, seeing the two smiling faces of mother and son staring back at him. He was so incredibly happy to see she had become a mother and had created a family like she always wanted. He looked at each of the pictures, a glimpse into Noah’s childhood that he had regretfully missed. The boy was so happy, so perfect, and so Olivia. He looked down at his watch and noted the still early hours of the morning. If he lay down now, he could probably get another two and a half hours of sleep. He decided to go check in on Noah before laying down on the couch for his nap.
He made his way over to the boy’s room and opened the door as quietly as possible. Noah was curled up in a ball in the middle of his bed with his comforter slung off to the slide. Elliot grinned before tip-toeing over and adjusting the comforter and tucking the young boy in again. Noah sighed in his sleep as the comforter was tucked in around him, and Elliot smiled as he watched him for a few seconds before whispering, “Sweet dreams, Noah.”
Elliot slowly backed out of the room and back to the couch where he hoped to catch a few more hours of sleep. He doubled checked the lock on the front door before laying down and quickly drifting off to sleep.
~oOo~
“Mom!”
The terrifying scream woke Elliot up from a dead sleep and his brain took a few seconds to realize where he was and who exactly was screaming. Noah . He quickly jumped up from the couch, ran to Noah’s bedroom, and opened the door just as Noah screamed out again.
“Mom! No, that’s my mom!” He rushed over to the edge of the bed where Noah was thrashing around, seemingly trying to run away from who or whatever was the subject of his nightmare.
Elliot sat down on the edge of the bed, carefully trying to avoid any thrashing limbs, and spoke softly, “Noah, wake up buddy. You’re having a bad dream.”
“Mom!” Noah sat straight up and looked at Elliot completely unseeing. Elliot’s heart broke at the look of absolute terror on Noah’s tear-stained face.
“Noah, it’s Elliot. You’re having a bad dream. I need you to wake up.” He took Noah’s small hand into his and squeezed. “You’re safe. I’m here.” Elliot could hear Noah’s breathing start to even out as the boy started to squeeze his hand back.
“Elliot?” Noah slowly opened his eyes and looked at him before the panic started to set in again. “Is Mom safe?”
“She is. Mom is safe.” Elliot patted the edge of the bed next to him, and Noah quickly climbed over to sit next to him. “You’re safe, Noah.”
Noah leaned further into his side and took a deep breath. “It was so real.”
Elliot wrapped his arms around him. “Do you want to talk about it?” Elliot watched the boy bite the inside of his lip in the same way Olivia did when she was nervous.
“It was from when those people attacked her on the street, but this time,” Noah took a deep breath and choked on his words, “this time they really hurt her. I thought I was going to lose her for good. It was so real, Elliot.”
“I know that had to be scary for you,” Elliot took a second to gather his thoughts, wanting to make sure he didn’t accidentally overstep or handle the situation too differently than Olivia would, “but it was only a nightmare about something real. Your Mom is safe, okay?”
Noah nodded his head, before turning to look up at Elliot. “And you’re here to protect me, right? Even from nightmares.”
“Right, even from nightmares.” Elliot ruffled the boy’s curls. “You think you can go back to sleep?”
Noah shook his head. “Not yet.”
“That’s fine. What do you and your mom usually do after nightmares?”
Noah grinned. “We curl up together and listen to music. She and I both have nightmares sometimes.”
Elliot decided to file that tidbit of information away for later before grinning back at Noah. “I have an idea, come on.” He made his way off the bed and pulled Noah along behind him toward the living room and the speakers.
“What are we doing?”
Elliot winked at him before tossing Noah’s phone to him. “Find one of the songs you like listening to after a bad dream.”
Noah took the phone and searched through his playlists before grinning and pressing play. “This is one of our favorites.”
Elliot listened as the music began to play, and he smiled as the melody filled the air around them. The same song that filled the space now was the same one he had been referencing all night. He had heard the song on his way home after his and Olivia’s night in the kitchen, and he had vowed since then to make sure he would always be there for Olivia and for Noah.
We're all reaching in the dark
Tryna find the answer before we fall apart
I can keep you steady on your feet
You can take a moment to tell me what you need
When you start to doubt all the things you believe in
Fall so many times that you don't even feel it
When you've got love, but it isn't enough
I'll be therе (I'll be there)
And if you'rе getting lost on another horizon
And all you really need is somebody to find you
When you've got love, but it isn't enough
I'll be there (I'll be there)
Elliot let the song play for a few minutes before calling out to Noah, “When Eli was little and would wake up from a nightmare, he and I would have a thirty-second dance party to whatever song we could find on at the time to shake out the scary. What do you say?”
Noah grinned at him. “Let’s do it!”
Elliot chuckled as both he and Noah danced as wild as they possibly could to shake out whatever scary things plagued their minds. He watched as the boy spun, twirled, and threw in some perfect dance moves; he was sure he couldn’t even replicate half of what Noah had done. He knew Noah was a dancer, but Olivia hadn’t exactly mentioned just how great of a dancer Noah is. As the song ended, they both collapsed onto the couch, tired and laughing.
“That was fun.” Noah pulled his feet up on the couch. “I don’t feel so scared anymore.”
“Good.” Elliot smiled and tapped the boy’s knee. “Ready for bed again? You still have some time before you have to be up.”
Noah looked toward his room nervously. “Can I stay out here with you?” Noah looked at him with those piercing blue eyes. “You make me feel safe.”
Elliot smiled at him, almost speechless to be told he helped him feel safe. “Of course, you can.” Elliot was almost surprised when Noah grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch and one of the pillows and laid down right next to his leg. The young boy was as close as he could be without actually touching him.
“This okay?” Noah asked slightly nervously.
Elliot nodded. “Thank you for asking. It’s fine as long as you are comfortable.”
“I am.” Noah tugged the blanket close to his body. “And Elliot?”
“Yeah, bud?”
“Thank you for making me feel safe.” Noah looked up at him and smiled. “And for being here.”
“You’re welcome. I’ll be here anytime you or your mom need me.”
Noah nodded. “Just like the song, right?” Noah started humming the melody before softly singing, “ You can take a moment to tell me what you need…I’ll be there.”
“Just like the song.” Elliot smiled at him as he tucked the blanket around Noah’s shoulders and rested his hand on his back. “Sweet dreams, okay?”
“Sweet dreams, Elliot,” Noah whispered as he fell back to sleep.
Elliot smiled as he watched Noah for a minute longer, watching as the boy’s breath evened out as he relaxed into sleep. He checked his phone as he felt it vibrate in his pocket.
Things are settled for tonight, and Fin is all good. I’m on my way home.
Drive safe. We’re good. Talk when you get home.
Noah asleep?
Out like a light, now. Explain when you get here. He’s a great kid, Liv.
He sat his phone down after seeing her smiling emoji and leaned back on the couch. He looked down at Noah who was still sleeping peacefully, and he watched him for a few minutes longer before succumbing to his own dreams that were pulling him under.
~oOo~
His eyes opened slowly as a flash of light woke him up. “Olivia?”
“Sorry, I thought the flash was off.” She stepped closer into his view and leaned down to give her son a kiss on the forehead. “Is he okay?”
He watched her, taking in every bit of what he could of her as a mom, something he always knew she would be amazing at. “He is, now. He had a nightmare about the night you were attacked.”
The look that flashed across her face absolutely broke his heart, and he wished he could wrap his arms around her in comfort, but he knew he couldn’t, yet. She ran her hand through Noah’s curls. “I still hate he witnessed all of that.”
“He’s fine, Liv.”
“Physically he is,” she turned sharply to look at him, “emotionally, I’m not too sure.”
Elliot reached over and grabbed her other hand, trying his best to communicate as much as he could to her. “He’ll be okay; he’s strong.”
“What if he’s not okay?” She turned to where she was facing him now. “He’s been through so much in his eleven years. What if it’s all too much?”
“Do you know how I know he’ll be okay?” Elliot whispered as he looked between her and her son. Once she shook her head, he continued. “I know he’ll be okay because he has you.”
“But—” She tried to tug away from his grip but he held on. “Elliot—”
“No, Olivia.” Elliot squeezed her thumb. “Whatever’s running through that head of yours right now is wrong.” She looked down at him, almost in disbelief that he had correctly guessed what was going through her mind. “I stand by what I said years ago.”
She smiled slightly then, “They’re wrong.”
“They were wrong then, and they would still be wrong today.” Elliot glanced down at the boy lying next to him on the couch. “He adores you. You’re an amazing mom, Olivia. He’ll be fine because he has you as his mom.”
“And you.” Her brown eyes met his, and she smiled. The two words with so much meaning hung in the air between them as Elliot processed them.
“And me.”
“It’s like the song, Momma,” Noah’s sleepy voice rose from the silence. “ You can take a moment to tell me what you need…I’ll be there.”
Olivia leaned down to kiss Noah’s forehead once more, and he whispered something Elliot couldn’t hear to her. Olivia nodded and smiled at whatever Noah had said before settling herself on the couch with Noah’s feet in her lap. Elliot watched as Noah signed I love you to Olivia before curling back under his blanket and closing his eyes to sleep once more.
Olivia looked over at Elliot, and he could see the tears dancing in her eyes. “He told me you make him feel safe, and he likes having you here.”
Elliot wiped the tear from his face with the back of his hand. “Thank you for letting me know him, Liv.” Olivia looked at him cautiously and then looked back down at her son like she was choosing her words carefully.
“Do you promise to stay?”
His eyes caught hers, and he stared at her, stared at the woman who had captured his heart, the woman who he had hurt, now multiple times, with his selfishness and neglect, and the woman who he feared he had lost forever. The words he wanted to say were lost on the tip of his tongue, but he realized she didn’t need a long list of reasons or promises, she needed a simple answer followed up by his actions. He smiled at her, completely confident as he pressed play and the melody filled the silence between them. “I promise.”