Chapter Text
It’s been nearly twenty years since a boy who was really a murderous monster and a zombie pilgrim tried to destroy all of Nevermore, and Wednesday in particular. A lot has changed.
Wednesday can see the very beginnings of who she is in her thirties in her fifteen year old self, but only barely.
Her interests strayed and expanded, but she always comes back to the macabre. Her obsession with death has only grown, but it’s changed dramatically now that there are people she can’t fathom losing. Succumbing to the glory that is final sleep no longer holds as much appeal, and instead there is the smallest fear of losing her life too soon or having to lose someone else.
Now, there’s Enid. It’s been so long she barely remembers existing before the blonde came into her life all those years ago. It didn’t take long after the events of sophomore year for both of their feelings to develop and be confessed. By the end of the next semester they were official.
Loving Enid has been the greatest joy and journey of Wednesday’s life. There’s been some adventures here and there, more mysteries, less murder. But nothing that compares to the adventure of falling in love and growing up with this woman.
Wednesday spent her first fifteen years despising so much of her parents and their relationship. With Enid, though, she was forced to understand. Begrudgingly she began to fall under the Addams curse of an overwhelming and all encompassing love.
There were a lot of other things she was forced to understand, too. Enid loved her as she was as a fifteen year old outcast among outcasts. Sometimes Wednesday wonders how she did it. But Enid also needed her to change, to grow up. She couldn’t love Enid if she couldn’t show her emotions, if she couldn’t allow things to move her. She couldn’t love Enid if she didn’t get past her fear of vulnerability and rejection. She couldn’t love Enid while forcefully pushing away what she considered to be weakness.
She got a new therapist, she took a deep breath, and she learned to travel to those emotional places well. For Enid, mostly, but in the end, for herself.
Her love for Enid completely changed her view of death. Any threat to Enid’s life filled her with the most unpleasant fear she’d ever experienced. And soon, as she allowed herself to see how she affected Enid, she was afraid to experience death for the first time in her life.
Years on, her view of love and life changed drastically again. When her and Enid’s daughter, Clara, was born. At 29 Wednesday held this small, fragile girl in her arms and she cried. In front of strangers. And she didn’t care. That little girl changed everything Wednesday thought she had already figured out about what love is and what it is to live for another human being.
While the terror of leaving this earth a moment too soon strengthened, so did the feeling that she would die for this child if it meant she could live. She’d felt this with Enid, but somehow this was at the same time so similar and so vastly different. All of the growth and vulnerability she was willing to endure for Enid paled in comparison to what she would do for this little girl.
For nearly half of her time on this planet Enid had been the light of her life, the sun, moon, and stars. Clara was her whole world. She loved Enid more than she thought anyone could love another person. But looking down at this delicate infant, pink and squirming in her arms, she felt like she had fallen into an abyss. The care that she felt for her daughter was overwhelming and terrifying in the best way.
Even more than she had already for her wife, Wednesday would be soft for Clara. Everything she despised in everyone else at fifteen she would allow—no—strive to become. She could be gentle, and kind, and loving. She could smile freely, at least around her girls. She could be openly affectionate, express her emotions, and as often as she could muster, be downright warm. She could want and work towards her own and her family’s happiness without falling into her adolescent ideas of its uselessness. She could live a simple and mundane life if it meant getting to watch her wife and daughter live and grow and laugh. It had taken a lot for her to not hate the idea of being this, nonetheless striving for it, but it was worth it every time her heart filled with warmth at her daughters smile. Or her wife’s gentle touch.
She knew the fifteen year old version of herself would have so many negative things to say about who she was and how her life had turned out as an adult. Being a wife and mother were far from her teenage ideals. But having gone through it Wednesday wouldn’t change a thing. That girl would hate the love she now had, the mundane life she lived. She softness she had thoroughly embraced if only in private. But it was undoubtedly better, she had the psychological studies to back it up. She also knew it was undoubtedly normal. While not as strong, Enid felt her own twinges of betrayal to her fifteen year old self. Everyone grows, everyone changes. Some more than others.
Six years into having Clara in her life her love had only grown, though also changed and transformed as the small girl did. Her relationship with Enid had changed, too. Deepened in the most unexpected ways and rearranged itself to allow them to become mothers while staying partners.
Things weren’t perfect, as they never are. Wednesday still had trouble giving affection on occasion, especially physically and especially the endless amount Clara seemed to want. Most of the time she held her boundaries, refusing to let the small girl overwhelm her. Enid allowed it, never pushing her. But sometimes she caught a look in Enid’s eye that resembled disappointment, though the blonde would always deny it.
Then there was one day where things changed. Few single days in Wednesday’s life made as much of an impact as this one. Two separate events took place, the first cracking and the second destroying the last wall that Wednesday had up in regards to affection for her child.
The first event was in the grocery store. Wednesday had taken Clara to pick up some things because Enid clearly needed a break.
“Come along, Clara.”
Clara took her mother’s outstretched hand, following her dutifully through the store. Suddenly they were interrupted by a woman who stopped nearly directly in front of them, crouching down to meet Clara’s eye.
“Well aren’t you a cutie?”
Wednesday squeezed her daughter’s hand. She still wasn’t fond of strangers, but especially not anyone who interacted with Clara. She tugged her lightly to stand a bit closer. The woman looked up at her, expecting a response, but Wednesday gave none. After further uncomfortable silence and the woman still blocking their way, Wednesday rolled her eyes and conceded. “Yes, she is very cute. Can you move, please?”
The woman grinned. “How old is she?”
Wednesday looked down at her daughter, gauging if she wanted to answer herself. “I’m six,” Clara said shyly.
“Oh, wow. That’s a good year,” the woman replied with a grin. She turned back to Wednesday. “They grow up so fast, don’t they?”
Wednesday nodded, her patience just about gone. She opened her mouth to say something only barely socially acceptable but was interrupted by the woman speaking again.
“I lost my little boy at 8. And my eldest barely speaks to me, he’s sixteen. Treasure those younger days while you can. Nothing is guaranteed, and nothing lasts forever.”
Wednesday’s mouth snapped shut. Before she could reply the woman looked down to Clara again. “You be good, okay? Have a good day, sweetie.”
Clara nodded in response.
The woman gave a soft smile to Wednesday before patting her shoulder and walking away. Clara looked up at her. “Do you know her?”
Wednesday shook her head, finally moving forward and pulling Clara by the hand, her grip a bit stronger. “No, I do not.”
The interaction fueled a feeling Wednesday was becoming begrudgingly familiar with: The fear of losing Clara. It seemed the only way for her to push past the remnants of her walls was to remember how possible it was that any day could be her last with her daughter.
Wednesday couldn’t lose herself in the care of another person as easily as Enid seemed to be able to when she threw herself into motherhood, it always took effort for her to take the necessary steps. She worried about resentment, she worried about Enid’s happiness. She worried that she would never be able to do enough. This interaction with a stranger in the grocery store scared her. But she was willing to let that fear push her towards falling further into her love for her daughter instead of letting it build back up the walls she’d spent so long tearing down.
So, when Clara looked at her in the rearview on the drive home and asked, “Mama, will you watch a movie with me when we get home?”
She didn’t answer as she might have another day, with kindly explaining that she would be spending the afternoon with Enid so Wednesday could work on her fifth best-selling novel. Instead she said, “Yes, darling, we can do that. What do you want to watch?”
Clara visibly brightened. “Can we watch Frozen?”
Wednesday bit her tongue. “Of course we can.”
Wednesday spend the evening watching movies with Clara, Enid tucked into her other side when she wasn’t taking advantage of a distracted child to get things done. Clara even requested that Wednesday put her to bed, a routine Enid usually took the lead on.
When Wednesday entered the bedroom after Clara was asleep she found Enid sitting in bed.
“Do you remember when Clara was a baby and we couldn’t get five minutes of peace?” Wednesday asked.
Enid chuckled, keeping her eyes on her phone. “Yes. I’m glad we have at least occasional peace now.”
“I kind of miss it.”
Enid put her phone down and gave Wednesday her full attention. “Yeah? I miss some things about when she was little too. Feeling sentimental tonight?”
Wednesday nodded, moving to lay down. “Yeah. There was a woman at the grocery store who stopped us. She told me she’d lost her son at 8. And how they grow up so fast.”
Enid laid down to face her. “Oh. Did it freak you out? Is that why you wanted to hang out with her so much the rest of the day?”
Wednesday nodded. “I hate that it got to me. Random strangers who talk to Clara deserve no place in my mind. But, it did.” She turned to face Enid, looking especially vulnerable. “Am I…doing a good job? As a mother? As your wife?”
Enid scooted forward to lay a hand on her cheek. She looked Wednesday in the eye intensely. “Yes, Wednesday. You are doing an excellent job. And I promise I’m not just saying that. You have put so much work into being a good wife and mother and it shows every single day. I don’t want to say I’m surprised like I didn’t think you could do it, but everyday you surpass my expectations in how you’ve grown and just how good of a job you’re doing.” She leaned forward to press a barely there kiss to Wednesday’s lips. “Clara and I are so extremely lucky to have you. And I love you so much.”
Wednesday had the beginnings of tears in her eyes. “Okay. I love you. Thank you for saying that.”
Enid nodded and smiled softly.
“You’re doing great, too, Enid. I hope you know that.”
Enid’s smile widened. “Oh I know. I’m phenomenal at this.”
Wednesday’s scoff was cut off by a firm kiss from Enid.
She pressed her forehead to Wednesday’s when she pulled back. “Thank you. I do worry that I’m not good enough sometimes. But I think it just comes with the territory.”
Wednesday nodded, leaning forward for one more kiss. “Goodnight, my love.”
-
It wasn’t three hours later that they were woken up by Clara standing by the bed in the dark.
“Mommy?”
Enid sighed, reaching over to turn on the lamp. “Hi, baby. Are you okay?”
Clara stepped towards her hesitantly, squeezing her stuffed dog. “I’m scared. Can I sleep with you?”
Enid turned to glare at Wednesday. “I told you that book would scare her.”
Wednesday had insisted on reading some spooky picture book as Clara’s bedtime story instead of the usual Little Unicorn That Could that she asked for every night, and now she was facing the consequences.
Wednesday groaned, finally turning to face them both. “I was tired of the unicorn book, sue me.”
Enid pulled Clara onto the bed. “You can sleep with us, honey, of course. Do you wanna cuddle with Mama?”
Wednesday glared over Clara’s turned head, Enid gave her a look that said this is your fault, so you have to deal with it.
Clara’s eyes widened. Despite cuddling for hours in the evening Clara was apparently still in want. “Can I?”
Wednesday turned fully over, spying Clara’s puppy dog eyes that somehow had even more control over her than Enid’s, and reluctantly opened her arms for her daughter to climb into. “You can, come here.”
Clara excitedly climbed into Wednesday’s waiting arms, snuggling against her chest. Wednesday couldn’t help but smile softly at her enthusiasm. “Are you comfy?”
Clara nodded. Wednesday pressed a kiss to her small head, followed by Enid leaning over to kiss them both.
“Everybody settled?”
At two nods Enid turned the light off and laid back down.
“Goodnight, Mommy. Goodnight, Mama,” Clara said in the darkness.
“Goodnight, Clara,” both women said in turn.
There were only a few minutes of silence before Clara was wiggling to look up at Wednesday. “Psst, Mama,” she whispered in the extremely loud way children do.
“What?”
Clara let out a breathless giggle. “The book didn’t really scare me. I just knew Mommy would make you cuddle with me.” She snuggled further into Wednesday’s arms.
Wednesday was dumbfounded. Halfway filled with pride at her daughter’s manipulation and intelligence and halfway saddened that she felt the need to scheme just to get affection from her mother. This was the second event, the second hit that destroyed the cracked wall she’d somehow managed to keep up this long.
Wednesday decided then and there that even if cuddling wasn’t always her favorite, she wanted to give her daughter every ounce of affection she could stand to give. That little girl deserved the world, and if Wednesday couldn’t give it to her, she could at least give her cuddles when she asked for them. Clara wasn’t going to be small and in want of this kind of affection from her forever, Wednesday knew, and she wanted to soak up as much of it as she could, even when it was annoying.
After a pause and a deep breath Wednesday replied, “that was very smart, baby. But next time you can just ask and I’ll cuddle you all you want.”
Clara gasped quietly. “Really? Unlimited cuddles?”
Wednesday nodded. “Yes, now go to sleep.” She kissed her head again. “Goodnight. I love you.”
“I love you, Mama!” Clara said excitedly before wiggling around even more in the name of getting comfortable.
The next morning Clara was banished to her room to get ready for school and Enid turned to Wednesday as she did her makeup.
“Are you actually going to give Clara cuddles whenever she wants? Because if not you need to be clear. I don’t want you to force yourself for her, but I also don’t want her to be disappointed.”
Wednesday sighed as she braided her hair. “I will. She’s not going to be little forever, I can survive a little extra cuddling. Yesterday with the grocery store and then what she said in bed…I don’t want her to feel for one second that I don’t care about her or want her near me. I don’t want to miss any moment of her life because of my own issues.”
Enid came over to sit next to her on the bed. “You show her that you care in other ways, too, Wednesday. You don’t have to make yourself uncomfortable.”
Wednesday looked at her wife. “I want to. She’s worth it.”
Enid nodded resolutely. “Okay, then. If you’re sure.” She pressed a kiss to Wednesday’s cheek before getting up and returning to her vanity.
Wednesday stood a few moments later. “I’ll drive her to school, if you want. Since I’m the reason she woke us up.”
Enid raised a brow incredulously. “Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
“Okay, that would be nice.”
Wednesday approached her to give her a kiss, frowning as she pulled back wearing some of Enid’s lipstick. Enid giggled. “It looks good on you. But, here,” she handed her a tissue.
Wednesday found Clara dutifully eating her cereal and watching cartoons in the living room. “Is it alright if I drive you to school today, Clara?”
Clara grinned. “Sure, Mama!” She jumped off her seat and grabbed her backpack.
“Go say bye to Mommy.”
She walked past Wednesday to their bedroom. She heard Enid’s “bye baby, I love you. Have a good day at school,” and Clara’s “I love you Mommy!” and then she reappeared.
Wednesday offered her hand. “Ready?”
On the drive she made eye contact with Clara in the rearview.
“I intend to follow through on my promise of, as you phrased it, unlimited cuddles.”
Clara beamed. “Okay! Can we watch another movie when I get home?”
Wednesday smiled softly. “We can.”
It was this moment that they arrived at the front of the drop off line. Clara unbuckled and stepped forward to meet her. “You can pick this time, Mama. I love you.” She kissed her cheek.
“Bye, darling. Have a good day. I love you very much.”
And so it became a routine. Wednesday drove her to school every other day and they spent nearly the entire evening together almost every day.
After going through all the movies Clara liked three times Wednesday started introducing her to children’s movies she had liked, with Enid vetoing anything too scary.
She came to take on a more equal role with Enid, who had previously been more of the primary parent. It was good. Things were good. Somehow, though Wednesday could hardly bring herself to believe it, they were better than the good they had been before.
Though Wednesday was surprised both at her capacity and even desire for physical affection from her daughter, she was right to expect that it would not last forever. At a certain age those coveted cuddles became fewer and farther between per Clara’s wishes and not her own.
Admittedly there had been days where despite her promise Wednesday had had to retreat, take a quiet evening in her study. But she didn’t regret a single day with Clara, not a single cuddle. She didn’t regret the growth she’d experienced as she aged, and she never regretted the person that her wife and daughter made her to be.