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English
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Published:
2023-02-24
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Never Hated Him

Summary:

"I never hated you... did you hate me?"

In which Satoru Gojo goes through all of the emotions that he felt from the day Geto left him to the day he had to kill him.

Notes:

I know every stsg writer alive has done this BUT seeing as i eat it up every time, this is my take on *that* scene at the end of jjk0, i hope y'all enjoy ! :)

Work Text:

"I never hated you… did you hate me?"

Not one experience in Satoru's life stung worse than this. Not even the pain of watching as his one and only true friend lost his way in the world could compare to the situation taking place in the alleyway around the corner from Tokyo Jujutsu High right now.

Suguru's seemingly simple question unexpectedly sent Satoru back through everything that's happened between the two of them. Back through every fun moment, every painful memory, every curse that they beat up together, but every walk through memory lane always landed on that one significant day: the day that Suguru completely changed. Though it may have happened years ago, that day contained an event that would plague Satoru's mind every day since. The mere thought of it made him feel so many different things, though none of those things were ever expressed. He could never crack in front of anyone, especially his students, so his emotions remained bottled up where not even he could get to them.

It was incredibly difficult to process everything he felt on the day of the incident, but every day onward, Satoru was plagued with the immense feeling of guilt. Guilt that he believed that he could have done something to prevent Suguru's descent into madness. If he had only talked to him, or even acknowledged that anything at all had been off about his best friend. He could have done something, anything, to help him, but that was all impossible when Suguru sat against the wall on the brink of death.

Satoru often wished that he could have felt more contempt towards Suguru, but no matter how hard he tried, the feelings of anger never came. With every day that Suguru was gone, Satoru made attempts to force himself into those deep feelings of hatred that he knew he should feel, after all, his best friend just left him to exterminate everyone who wasn't a jujutsu sorcerer out there. After everything that they had been through together, every lecture that Satoru had received about how the strong exist to protect and save the weak. As much as he tried to provoke that rage within himself, he just never could manage to do it. All that there was to be found was hurt and confusion regarding what may have gone wrong between them.

Then, there were the headlines. Soon after the incident, every time there was a lethal situation involving a curse, Suguru was almost certain to have been behind it. With every one of the news articles that Satoru read, his heart shattered even more because he still held hope that things could eventually be fixed, but every story only proved that his Suguru was never coming back–that by now he was way too far gone and only further cementing his place in hell when he came to his inevitable demise.

That brings them to now, where after a long battle, only the two of them remained together in the alleyway, and it hurt. It hurt Satoru to know that these would be Suguru's last moments alive and his end would be at Satoru's own hands. To the world, he would be a hero. He would be Satoru Gojo, the sorcerer who took down Suguru Geto, the worst curse user alive. To himself, however, he would only be Satoru Gojo, the sorcerer who killed his best friend, the only person who ever truly understood him and saw him as anything more than the strongest sorcerer in the world. That self-given title would stick with him longer than any world recognition, leaving a nasty scar on his heart that time may never heal.

After such a long time of reminiscing, he had not realized exactly how long he had been sitting on the answer to Suguru's question. The truth was that it didn't matter how hurt he was, he could never bring himself to hate Suguru for anything that he had done.

"No," he finally answered, "never you, Suguru."

Somehow, a bright smile crossed Suguru's lips upon hearing Satoru's answer. A smile that was reminiscent of the warm, gentle way he used to smile at Satoru during their youth.

"I'm glad, I was almost starting to think that you might."

It was becoming increasingly difficult for Satoru not to crack under the pressure of having to kill Suguru, especially now that they were exchanging their final words to each other.

"I‐I don't want to do this." That was the first time that Satoru ever got choked up about anything in front of anyone. Although the situation was tense, Suguru simply couldn't help but let out a soft chuckle.

"I can't continue living, Satoru, you know that. Look at me, after all of this, I'll admit when I've lost. Come on, think of how much more praise you'll get from everyone after this."

"None of them are as important as you." Satoru cut him off. He had never expected that he would be expressing how he really felt to Suguru right before he died, but if not now, then he would never get the chance to.

"You know, I love you, Suguru. I really, really love you. As much as I tried to let go, I never could. You've been stabbing me in the heart ever since you left."

"I love you too, Satoru. I may have seemed like it, but I hadn't ever let you go either. I knew I wouldn't, for as long as I lived." Suguru smiled that soft smile of his for the second time that night. It was impossible to fathom how he could muster it with the knowledge that his end was nearing with every second that passed.

"I missed seeing you smile like that."

"I'm glad my last time doing it was for you."

Satoru blinked back the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes. He couldn't cry. Satoru Gojo didn't cry, at least not in the presence of anyone else. He especially couldn't cry when Suguru seemed so happy in his last moments. All he could do was tell him one last thing before he finally did what needed to be done.

"Suguru Geto, you will always be my one and only, for as long as I'm here."

In a flash, all traces of life remaining in Suguru's body were gone. The curse user known as Suguru Geto had been exorcized, but at what cost? Even then, Satoru hadn't much time to mourn his closest friend, as he had to return to his students. All his emotions were to be returned to a bottle deep within his subconscious mind, never to be touched again… well, at least not until a certain body-snatcher of a curse made his way into the picture.