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“Can’t sleep?” Her voice was low and sluggish.
Levi leaned his elbows on the stone barrier, eyes idly scanning the moonlit fields that surrounded the castle the scouting regiment was using as a temporary bunkhouse. He simply sipped his tea in response.
“Me neither.”
She joined him in a similar fashion, overlooking the sleeping earth before them.
He could hear the sound of her breathing the night breeze that glided over tower balcony. She had always been a loud breather, not that the rhythmic hum bothered him. Rather it eased his tension and settled his mind better than any brewed drink could, so he welcomed her company. He tilted his head slightly to see her face, softly glowing from the light of the moon. She held a straightforward gaze, her expression showing signs of fatigue and worry.
“Here, drink this.” His hand stretched in front of her with the tin cup full of the steaming drink.
“You’re giving me your tea?” She seemed surprised at the offer.
“One time deal. It should help you sleep.”
She accepted and, grasping the cup with both hands, took a long drink. The grassy brew trickled down her throat and gave her a cozy sensation, warming her from the inside out. She released a contented sigh.
“Today’s expedition was exhausting. There were a couple moments that I thought we wouldn’t make it here, at least not with as many soldiers as we did. Physically, I’m ready to collapse into a coma, but…” Her voiced trailed off.
“… But?” Levi asked through the silence.
“I don’t know.”
Hange sat for a moment and then let out a small, frustrated chuckle.
“There’s the problem. I don’t know. I don’t know if what we’re doing is really worth it. I spent weeks plotting out the safest route to this castle, assigning units for the formation, and making sure everyone had the plan memorized frontwards and backwards. And then screw up after screw up, from the confusion and multiple breaks in the formation to miscommunication among the squads. Some groups didn’t make it to this checkpoint until two hours after the rendezvous time. We’ve lost multiple soldiers and we’re not even halfway to our final destination.”
She ran a hand through greasy locks of hair wearily and rested it on the back of her neck, head hanging low.
“Maybe this was a waste, and now I’ll have to face Erwin, who trusted me to be the “brains” behind this operation. I couldn’t even look at him him once we got here; I tried to go straight to bed when we finally regrouped and sleep off the defeated feeling I have, yet here I am, still battling myself hours later. I don’t know why he thought I was cut out to lead this excursion.”
Levi shifted his weight and turned away, fixing his stare straight ahead.
Realizing she had maybe divulged a little too much, Hange tried to backtrack: “Ah, sorry. Maybe it’s a little too late to be thinking out loud. It’s just hard to not focus on what I don’t know.”
There was a moment of silence as the two stood side-by-side, shoulders almost touching.
“Then focus on what you do know.”
Hange lifted her head. “What?”
“Focus on what you do know.” Levi repeated. “There will always be things you don’t know. Fore the rest of your life, no matter how much you learn, there is always more to be discovered. No one knows what will happen tomorrow; hell, for all we know this building could collapse tonight. Let tomorrow happen when it does, and you can worry about it then. No sense wasting time and sleep on it now. The only things that are promised are what we have in this moment… Besides, not even you can know everything…”
Hange stared at him.
Levi looked down at his hands and picked at his nails. “Just think about what you know now, and the rest will come in time.”
Hange straightened up and for a long moment they simply stood in silence. He thought maybe she was offended; perhaps he had spoken too bluntly. These internal struggles of self-doubt usually aren’t so simply resolved, but he knew what he said was true nonetheless.
Finally, she broke the silence: “That one’s Polaris.”
Confused, Levi turned his head back to her. Her countenance had changed drastically. Her eyes now shone almost as brilliantly as the star-spotted sky above them. He traced her gaze from her eyes to her shoulder and up her outstretched arm. Her index finger was fixed on a spot almost directly above them.
“Otherwise known as the North Star. It’s directed humanity for as long as we have recorded. It’s also part of the constellation Ursa Minor, which stretches to the left of Polaris.”
“What?” Levi asked, still confused as to why she was now talking about the stars.
“You said to think about what I know. I’ve studied the stars and constellations in old books and astronomers’ journals. On nights as clear as tonight it’s easy to pick them out.”
Her arm moved downward and found another target: “There’s Ursa Major directly below it. Not only are Ursa Major and Ursa Minor sister constellations, but they also make the big dipper and the little dipper respectively. Twins, practically, one being just a little smaller than the other…” She glanced down at him slightly. “… They’re my favorites.”
Levi could hardly take his eyes off of Hange’s. This was obviously something she found great joy in. He finally looked to try and find these constellations she was pointing out, eyes straining to make them out.
Suddenly Hange’s right hand grabbed hold of his own and she gently but swiftly whipped him to the left.
“What the hell?” He cussed under his breath in surprise.
They stilled once more, Hange standing behind him, their cheeks barely touching and her fingers intertwined with his. Levi could feel his face heat slightly, hoping she wasn’t close enough to notice the warmth.
Lifting the joined arms, she stretched her index finger again: “Hercules, Signus, Sagitta, Pegasus…” With every name she listed she moved the two of them to match its location in the sky. “Aquaries, Cetus, Pisces…”
Name after name, Hange listed them while the two spun in circles in an intricate dance. Levi was just as transfixed on Her closeness and quiet passion as he was on the brilliant stars themselves. He hadn’t looked so intently into the night sky as he was now in many years, but her enchantment was infectious. They spun for what could have been hours, as far as Levi could tell.
“… And that little one on the horizon is Leo Minor.” They froze once again, arms reaching beyond the short walls of the terrace.
Slowly, they fingers unthreaded and she pulled away from him.
“Wow.” Levi whispered under his breath, still in awe of what he just experienced.
“Pretty extraordinary, aren’t they?”
“Extraordinary, yeah…”
“I feel like I could stare at them for days, but…” And abrupt yawn interrupted Hange’s thought and reminded them both of the current hour.
“You need your rest. Try to go back to sleep.” Levi resumed his original position leaning over the ledge, only now his gaze was tilted upward.
Hange smiled.
“Yes sir.”
She moved towards the door to the spiral stairwell, but stopped and turned around again before making her exit.
“… Levi?”
“… Yes?”
“Thank you for this. All of this. It really does mean so much to me.”
He could feel his face warming once more. “Good night, Zoe.”
Smirking to herself, she crossed the threshold of the stairwell and replied over her shoulder: “Goodnight, little dipper” and descended down the stairs.