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Kaoru knew he had no real reason to call off his appointments that day, no real reason to tell Carla to let his clients know some commissions must be pushed back, no real reason for him to effectively shut off all notifications on his devices and stare at the ceiling for the first three hours of his day. But even so Kaoru did not seem to care, or rather, didn’t seem to have the energy to care. He had been living in filth in exchange for a clean office, and on this particular morning he couldn’t bring himself to move , let alone clean. He felt gross, every part of his body felt like it ached, like there were weights on every one of his limbs.
Episodes like this have become a constant in Kaoru‘s life recently, but none have been this bad. They’ve been bad enough for Kaoru not to show up to S or Sia la Luce for the past few weeks, of course he kept in contact with Kojiro to ease the other man’s nerves but he knew it probably wasn’t enough. Kaoru hated worrying people, especially Kojiro and the rest of the stragglers that Reki liked to call their family, but he couldn’t bring himself to care, not this morning.
Of course Kaoru’s self pity only lasted those three hours because a knock came on his door. He sighed and rubbed his face, rolling over onto his stomach and breathing heavily into his pillow for a few more minutes before the knock came once more. Reluctantly, he pushed himself into his knees.
“Carla” he groaned “Who’s at the door?”
“Nanjo Kojiro, Shall I let him in, Master?”
Kaoru swallowed, pushing himself to his feet “yes please”
“Okay Master” Carla chirped back, Unlocking Kaoru’s door as he made his way to the bathroom to brush his hair. He knew Kojiro never really minded whatever state Kaoru was in, but Kaoru was still a perfectionist, even when his house looked a little to lived in. Despite his knowledge of kojiro’s presence, he still jumped when he heard the door close
“Oi, you in here, Four eyes?” Kojiros voice was an easy voice to identify, it was a voice that Kaoru could recognize over any noise, Kaoru could always hear Kojiro, that’s just how it was.
“I’m in the bathroom, I’ll be out in a second” Kaoru sighed, settling with tying his hair up in a bun before walking into the main area of his apartment. Kojiro had set a bag on the counter, he was leaning against it on his phone. As if on cue, kojiro lifted his head when Kaoru walked in
“You look like shit.”
“Thanks, you too” Kaoru shot back, causing them both to chuckle, because if there’s one thing kojiro was good at, it was making Kaoru laugh. “What brings you over?”
“Something shifted” kojiro half jokes starting to take a few things out of the bag. Ah. He was cooking. “You weren’t answering your phone and when I called it went straight to voicemail, I could tell you didn’t want to see anyone, so now I’m here”
A pause, and then a laugh “Of course.” Kaoru watched Kojiro with careful eyes, the other one not noticing how Kaoru’s eyes followed him while he began to cook. He shook himself out of his trance and grabbed a water bottle from the fridge, sitting down with a huff “I’m starting to think you’re magic”
“Just observant.” Kojiro hums “and I know you, even if we both deny it, I am your best friend”
Kaoru hums a response “personal assistant, but close”
“Oi! Asshole, I’m being nice and cooking for you don’t make me regret it!!”
Kaoru snickers into his water, he felt himself smile, a lasting smile that stayed as kojiro skillfully made Kaoru’s favorite dish, and a smile that stayed as they ate and kojiro rambled about something that Kaoru, admittedly, could not give two shits about, but he listened anyway.
This was how it was supposed to be. It shouldn’t take Kaoru so much energy to get to this point. It’s supposed to be easy, and it twists his stomach to think about how hard it is.
“Is the food that bad?” And Kaoru remembered where he was.
“Ah- no- it’s good, it’s always good”
Kojiro raised an eyebrow. Compliments from Kaoru were rare, and only slipped through at his most vulnerable moments, so kojiro took this as his one and only chance of the day “talk.”
Kaoru blinked in response, knitting his eyebrows together to pretend he was totally confused on what kojiro was requesting
kojiro let out a sigh “You’re not working, you haven’t been around at all, and you aren’t hiding the fact that you enjoy my cooking. I know something is up, you know I know that, but this level of depressed Kaoru never shows up unprompted. So talk.”
Kaoru shifted in his spot, he knew he was obvious, atleast to kojiro. He knew he wasn’t going to escape the overwhelming care from the man, but fuck. Talking? He was unprepared for. And it was so stupid, too, so insanely teenage-girl-starting-puberty level idiotic, and Kaoru was embarrassed
Out of the two, kojiro was often labeled as the romantic, a common label due to his easy natural charm, and Kaoru envies every part of it. Much to everyone’s surprise, Kaoru is the hopeless romantic out of the two. He spent a large portion of his alone time longing for something he was too afraid to reach for.
Kaoru was able to manage his feelings for the most part, but a few weeks ago his world shattered
[ “I think I’m in love” Kojiro declared, face beaming brighter than Kaoru had ever seen, and something in him cracked. His throat felt dry, his chest hurt, but he pushed those feelings down, it’s was kojiros win, not his loss
“Who’s the lucky girl?”
“Guy” kojiro winked
“Oh.” Why did that hurt so much more? Another crack
“It’s a secret, but he’s stunning, I think he’s really the one” another crack
“I just have to find a way to tell him, what do you think I should do, Kaoru?”
Shatter.
“I have to go.” ]
Kaoru still isn’t sure whether he’s jealous of kojiro for being in love, or of his lover for being loved, but he wanted that. He wanted someone to gush about him, about how they’re in love at last, and it’s because of Kaoru.
But Kaoru wasn’t ready to tell kojiro he was jealous of his maybe-maybe-not relationship, and so he answered a question with a question.
“How did you know you were in love?”
Kojiro blinked at him for a moment, expression unreadable, before he shifted in his seat, resting his ankle on his other leg. Kaoru could tell he was deep in thought the way he chewed at his lip and adjusted the fabric at the bottom of his shirt, simple things you wouldn’t notice if you weren’t Kaoru.
“It wasn’t easy, because I think I’ve been in love with him for a long time, but feelings are hard to figure out.” Kaoru drank to that “I think it was his smile, that’s what made it click. You would think after seeing the same smile almost every day that you would be bored of it, but not his smile. His smile is perfect, bright, something about it draws me in”
Kaoru felt his throat go dry, this is someone kojiro has known for a while? How long? Sense highschool? Maybe he met him in Italy? Kaoru had so many questions, but kojiro was still talking
“Everytime i see it I want to pull him close and kiss him, and it’s a real pity I can’t, because something deep down tells me he wants to kiss me too”
“Woah- pause” kaoru blinked over at kojiro, surprise in his face “you haven’t told this guy?? Kojiro-“ his heart hurt, he wasn’t sure why “it’s been nearly 3 weeks!”
Kojiro shrugged, staring at something beyond Kaoru’s eyes. He turns back to his food, and the conversation is lost in the silence.
Around an hour later, the two were perched on the couch, making fun of the shitty Netflix original movie that Kaoru had picked out. It was an easy cool down for the both of them, and Kaoru seemed unbothered by the fact it was noon and he had done just about nothing with his day. He found himself leaning into the meaningless touches Kojiro spared him, but the brute must have noticed as well, because by the time there was a wedding on screen, Kaoru was using Kojiro as a pillow, his hair being pet softly as the movie continued.
“Y’ever think about where you want to get married?” The question made Kaoru freeze, mostly out of confusion, partly out of protest at the sheer idea of being wed to another man, but he gave in
“Hmm… maybe Greece” he sighed, closing is eyes, kojiros hand in his hair allowing the rest of his body to relax “although staying in Okinawa wouldn’t be so bad”
“Yeah I think I wanna get married here too”
They fell into comfortable silence, spending the rest of the day on the couch. Something clicked in Kaoru as kojiro held him, he wasn’t exactly sure what it was, but he saw something when they made eye contact, a lazy smile kaoru has only seen a certain number of rare times. It’s the smile kojiro uses when Kaoru rambles about his work, or when he lets kojiro ramble about his. It’s admiring, endearing and it warms Kaoru’s heart everytime he sees it. He wants to-
Oh.
Oh.
Kaoru was not really a risk taker, not anymore. In his delinquent teen years he jumped at any opportunity to take a risk, but as he grew older, his desire to torture his parents with impulsive actions sizzled into torturing them by never speaking to them. He was older now and there were a lot of risks he refused to take if they didn’t involve skateboarding, but god this one was so fucking tempting
Kaoru wasn’t sure if he had connected the dots in the right way, but it was worth a shot, and it’s not like things would be awkward after this, right? He mentally prepared himself, before leaning up and pressing a kiss to kojiros lips.
The man under him was stunned, but only for a moment, and then everything locked in place. He wrapped his arms around kojiro’s neck, Kojiro wrapping his arms around Kaoru’s waist in return. He wasn’t exactly sure how long the kiss lasted, he didn’t exactly want it to end, but air was essential, and so reluctantly he pulled away, and kojiro looked happy, insanely tooth rottingly happy. And that made Kaoru happy.
“So.. what was the pusher for that one?” Kojiro breathed out, a teasing grin on his face, but everything about his stance was genuine
“I think I’m in love” Kaoru replied, and suddenly, all the worries from the last few weeks washed away. It was just Kaoru and Kojiro
Just as it should be