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“Do you think I’ll get my letter soon, Mum?” Severus asked, sitting on the floor near his mother’s feet. He was playing with his two toy cars - his pride and joy - as he glanced up at her. The thought had been floating in his mind for the past few weeks, and he was desperately wishing that it would be true.
Eileen closed the book and placed it on her lap. She smiled at her son tenderly. “In two years, sweetheart. You can’t go to Hogwarts until you’re eleven.” She looked at him sympathetically.
Severus let out a dramatic sigh. “But I want to go now.” He looked at her pleadingly. “I don’t…” He trailed off. He felt guilty telling his mother that he didn’t want to didn’t want to spend another two years living at home with his father. He loved his mother, but his father… The man was awful, and Severus wasn’t sure how he would manage another two years.
Eileen frowned. “I know, Sev, I know,” she said softly. “If I could send you early, I would, but it doesn’t work like that.” Leaning forward, she added, “I don’t want to give you up, quite just yet. I’ll miss you terribly when I go.” She paused. “But I understand why you want to get away.”
“I’m sorry, Mum,” he whispered softly, the guilt of his thoughts pressing down on him. He wished he could erase the look of guilt and desperation from his mother’s face. He also hated himself a little bit for putting that look on her face in the first place.
“I know,” Eileen assured him. “You’re father is a… difficult man to live with. I know that, Sev, and I don’t blame you one bit for wanting to leave.”
“I know, but he’s my dad,” Severus muttered. “I shouldn’t feel this way about him.” His stomach twisted in knots nervously. He felt so torn about his feelings.
“Just because he’s your father doesn’t mean you need to love him. I mean…” She let out a deep breath, trying to decide how to word it for Severus. “It’s complicated, and it’s okay that you feel conflicted.” She peered at him, wishing she could help him understand.
Severus didn’t look convinced, but his next words were whispered yet full of conviction. “I hate him.”
“I know,” Eileen said, reaching down and stroking Severus’ hair tenderly in what she hoped was a soothing manner. “I know, sweetheart.”
“Why don’t we leave?” Severus asked, looking up at her. He didn’t understand why they stayed. His father was awful to his mother, too. He could see, plain as day, that his own mother was afraid of him… so why did she put up with it?
“It’s not that simple,” Eileen whispered. “I’m… I’m not strong enough to leave him.” She sniffed, a few tears tracking down her cheeks.
“I can be strong enough for both us, Mum,” Severus said.
“We’d have nowhere to go,” she said softly. “No money… We have no family or friends to help us.” She looked at him, wishing he could understand what she was saying. “It’s not as simple as you’d think, Severus,” she murmured once more.
“Surely someone could help us?” Severus asked. “Either in the Magical or Muggle world… Someone would have to help us.”
Eileen let out a weary sigh. “I…” She trailed off, quiet for a moment. “What House do you think you’ll be in, Sev?”
He snorted. “Slytherin, obviously.” At his age, he could tell that his mother didn’t want to talk about them leaving his father anymore, so he let the topic go, despite the fact that he didn’t quite understand it still.
“Well, whatever House you end up in, it will be great.” Eileen smiled at him gently. “Each House has pros and cons to it.”
“Just not Hufflepuff,” he said, shaking his head. “That House seems awful,” he whispered the last part as if it were a secret.
Eileen laughed. “Oh, hush you. Hufflepuff is just as respectable as any of the other Houses.”
“You say that because you weren’t a Hufflepuff,” he pointed out.
“You’re going to love Hogwarts,” she said after a moment. “It’s so beautiful there - especially in the winter.”
“Do you think I’ll make friends?” he asked softly. He knew that Lily was showing signs of having magic, so she’d likely be joining him at Hogwarts, he hoped.
“Why do you ask that?” Eileen looked at her son in confusion.
“Um, Mum, I don’t have many friends, if you’ve noticed,” he said, shaking his head. “Other kids think I’m… Weird,” he settled on.
Eileen frowned. “You’ll make friends, sweetheart; I’m sure of it.” She leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of his head.
“If you say so,” Severus said quietly, not quite convinced as he let silence fall between them.
“Okay, we have an hour or so before your father is due home from work,” Eileen said after a few moments. “I can read to you, if you’d like? Something magical?”
Severus’ eyes widened in excitement. They weren’t able to discuss magic when his father was home, and he couldn’t remember the last time his mother had read to him. Although he felt he was a bit old to have someone read to him, he couldn’t pass up the opportunity.
“Can we read something from Potions’ Weekly?” Severus asked.
Eileen laughed. “My copies are so outdated,” she said with a sad smile.
“Doesn’t matter,” Severus assured her. He was fascinated by potion-making and wanted to learn what he could about them.
“Okay, then,” she said, standing up. She disappeared into her bedroom and returned a few minutes later, a magazine in her hand. Sitting on the sofa, she gestured for Severus to come join her.
Snuggled up to his mother, he closed his eyes and listened to her read an article on Shrinking Solutions, grateful for the small moment of peace the two of them had.
He only wished it would last.