Chapter Text
“Best friends, best friends...Making a cake.” Penny and Ricky stopped the simple clapping game to remember what happened next. “Wait. Ah.”
“Best friends, best friends…Making a cake.” “Pyoo!” Penny made a finger gun and shot Ricky. He fell backwards, faking his death.
“I never thought I’d miss it.” Ocean stared at them in awe. They had just come back from spring break. She didn’t expect to miss the choir this much. She even missed Noel.
At that moment, Father Markus entered the room dressed in the most ridiculous outfit. He was wearing a cartoonish train conductor outfit. There is no alternate universe where that man is 100% straight.“She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes, whoo-whoo” Where does he get those outfits?
“Just letting you guys know that the Fall Fair is coming soon. On an unrelated note, I'm into trains now. Also, this is my sister’s outfit.”
(It wasn’t.)
“A real fair? Is the company called the Wonderville Traveling fair?” Noel nervously looked up, picking at his nail polish.
“Name rings a bell. But with me, that could mean anything.”
Yeah. He’s lying to his wife.
“I wonder. I have an ex-boyfriend that travels with a fair.” He bit a nail as everyone in the room burst into laughter.
“I'm sorry, Noel. Some things are funny because they make no sense. And that is not one of them.” Ocean laughed while holding her stomach.
“Well, it looks like my news has incited some doings. And if that's not my job, what is? Choo choo!” Then he left the classroom. Was Father Markus even their teacher anymore? He just showed up in costumes, gave them random news, and then left the choir room. One time he dressed up in a half-woman half-man outfit even though he had to go to the bank that day. Then after going to the bank he had an eye-opening conversation with the people who asked him to join them for drinks because of his outfit.
“Well, you're also supposed to-- Eh. Teach us.” Ocean, the student choir director, whispered.
“So, Noel, tell us about your carnival worker boyfriend,” Constance said steering the conversation away from Father Markus’ ridiculous costume.
“Why, so you all can get a big laugh?” Noel dug his heel into the ground.
“Yeah.” Ricky signed excitedly.
“I would love to have a laugh,” Mischa exclaimed finally turning off his phone.“That’s the exact reason.” Constance smiled.
“Fine. I'm not ashamed of my past. And if it entertains you guys, that's great because we're friends. His name is Blade and...”
He was cut off by everyone laughing at him…again.
“He invoked friendship to undercut the laugh, and we are still laughing. That is how funny it is!” Mischa shouted.
“His name is Blade. Is that legal? Shouldn't New Line Cinema be suing him?” Penny questioned.
“He was called that before that stupid movie.” Noel insulted.
“He was called that before the fantastic movie.” Ricky defended his girlfriend. He did think it was a great movie. A fantastic movie even.
“And it was a Marvel comic in 1973,” Penny remarked.
“Well, nerd alert,” Noel sarcastically said. “Well, ex-boyfriend named Blade alert,” Penny spat back. She laughed and then high-fived Ricky.
“Noel’s love life makes Penny seem with it.” Constance chuckled.
“His pain unifies us. He has the King Arthur of bad taste in men.” Penny smiled. She was finally a part of the group. She wasn’t just the weird girl who carried around a creepy doll!
“I'm glad you guys are reacting this way. I need to be reminded that he is the worst on earth. Because if he comes through town and calls me, I will be there in five minutes.” Noel sighed in pleasure then shook his head to erase
those
thoughts.
“I do not understand.” Mischa stared at Noel like he was crazy. Why would someone want to be with the worst person on earth?
“Uh, Talia much?”
“Okay, I understand.” He and Talia had been in an on-and-off relationship for weeks now. No matter how many arguments they got into Mischa came back to her. He always came back.
“I don't,” Ocean spoke up.
“You will.” Noel looked down in shame. “What's that mean?” Penny questioned. She was sheltered as a child, so she didn’t know about much.
“He's hung.” Ricky signed to Penny, but somehow Noel saw and understood it from across the room.
“Oh, God! Ricky!” He scolded Ricky for his inappropriate comment.
“I still don’t get it.” Penny looked around in confusion.
“Sometimes, a woman meets a man or in this case, Noel meets…” she bit down on her lip to prevent her from laughing. “Blade he just can't shake from his system no matter how much he knows better.”
“So what, Noel? You are in love with a guy who's named after a kickboxing vampire movie?”
“A fantastic kickboxing vampire movie.” Ricky corrected Mischa. It was a fantastic movie.
“No, I don't believe in love because of this guy...” He started to tear up. “named after a kickboxing vampire movie.”
“Oh, Noel. Oh, sweetie.” Constance immediately rushed over to the risers to comfort Noel.
Penny leaned over to Ricky. “You wanna watch Blade tonight?” She whispered.
“Yes!” Ricky silently punched the air in success.
The very next day in choir. Noel said a sentence that no one would’ve thought he would say.
“Ocean. I might need your help.” The choir stared at him in shock. “It is Blade's carnival that's coming. He's working the BB gun duck-shooting gallery. I guess he finally got the promotion.” The smile that had formed quickly faded to discomfort. “And he will call me. If left unattended, I will end up doing him like a crossword, and I will regret it. So I need you to take my phone, and don't give it back until Monday!” He handed her his phone.
“Of course. Okay.” She muttered softly. She silently placed Noel’s phone in her backpack slowly devising a plan. Penny, Ricky, her, and Noel would stay at Constance’s house for a sleepover. So she gets to hang out with her best friend and she gets to help Noel at the same time. “For reals?” Mischa looked up from his phone.
Noel turned to Mischa. “Pipe it!” He hissed then he turned back to Ocean. “And I need to stay with you this weekend. Not just stay with you, I need to be on lockdown. Your parents are into drugs, so think of Blade as weed or whatever. And handcuff me to the radiator like a mother-fucking carny-banging werewolf.”
“Noel language!” She said sternly. She breathed out. “I got this. I got this. Constance’s house has central heating, but I get the idea-- stay strong.”
“Man, I wonder how many women I've affected this way.”
“Ha ha!” Ocean glared at Mischa. “This is a serious situation.”
“It is not.”
“Why do you think it’s not a serious situation?”
“I have been in this situation before. What you do is you sleep with another person, feel guilty, and then get over it.”
“That’s what I’m trying to avoid Mischa! Why are you so ignorant?” Noel stormed out of the room slamming the door behind him.
As much as she hated Noel she still wanted him to get better and end his toxic relationships. Also what was wrong with Mischa at choir? It is not. He is so dumb.
“Whoo whoo!” Father Markus watched the small model train moving down the track. “All aboard the human being railway! Next stop, spo—“
The principal, Mr. Laybourne, burst into the room,
“I'll get to the point. I'd like your student Penny Lamb enrolled in the air conditioning repair program immediately,” he demanded.
“Oh, what a wonderful opportunity for a young woman.” He quickly stopped the train. Father Markus was face to face with the man that knew his secret . He couldn’t screw this up.
“Yet try as I might, I'm unable to make her see it that way. I need you to change her mind.”
“But if she's not interested, what can I do?”
“Father, have you forgotten that I know about your little affair ? You are under my thumb. I know my role.”
“I have not forgotten. Also aren’t you supposed to run the school?”
“Aren’t you supposed to teach the choir?” The principal looked down at the train set; Father Markus tried covering the set, unsuccessfully.
“If my job is to not run the school then my role is not to tell you how to do what I want to be done. Mine is to want and to say my want. Yours is to know and to do.” “I know exactly what to do.” He spoke confidently to the principal when in fact he had no idea what he was going to do. He picked up his phone and dialed his wife’s number. “Honey, could you get me a, um, book on how to do things? You know what, just make me a scotch and soda.”
“Make it yourself!” She screamed. They had been getting into more and more fights recently. He had this small feeling that she knew about it.
“I don't know how!” He cried.
People screamed on the tv as Blade slashed through the enemy. Noel flinched at the sound of blood spurting out of wounds.
“I love Blade's special blade weapon.” Penny grabbed a handful of popcorn. Their eyes were still glued to the screen.
“Yeah, see that sword?” Ricky pointed to the screen diverting Noel’s attention to the blade that Bladecarried. He should call him. “It has two blades, One blade is silver, the other blade is infused with garlic. Noel squirmed in his seat at the mention of Blade.
“I should check my messages.” He blurted out. His hands fidgeted with the bottom of his shirt. Ocean shot him a disapproving look.
“No.” She turned to Ricky and Penny. “Guys, could we maybe watch a different movie? Or just stop saying that word six times per minute?” She chastised them for using the word Blade so many times.
“What word?”
“Blade,” Penny replied to Ricky with no regard for the serious situation.
“Oh, because of Noel’s ex-boyfriend.”
“Can you check my messages for me and tell me if he called?” Noel said obsessively still fidgeting with the bottom of his shirt to distract himself.
“I don't think that's a good idea.”
Noel turned to her with a crazed look in his eyes. “What if my mother died?”
“You guys are really talking over Blade.” Penny grabbed more popcorn and shoved it in her mouth. Noel grabbed the remote and paused the tv earring groans and annoyed looks from Penny and Ricky.
“Not cool!”
“Ocean, subdue your guest.” Ricky signed.“Ocean, think for one second. You have my phone, and you're not even checking it. What if my mother is dying?” Noel spoke quickly. He needed to text Blade. He needed him. He needed to feel the warmth of his-
“This is junkie talk. You just wanna know where your phone's hidden.”
“I just wanna know if my mother is dying. It's a simple yes or no. I'll cover my eyes. You go check my phone and say, "no, your mother isn't dying" or "yes, your mother is dying," and then we go back to watching the film.”
Ocean sighed as Noel covered his eyes. She walked to the DVD cabinet knowing what Noel would do. She barely opened the DVD cabinet when Noel ran to her.
“Give it to me!” He wrestled a bright yellow banana out of Ocean's hands. He stared at it confused.
“That's right, Noel. It's a banana.” Ocean smirked in success.
“Why is there a banana in your DVD cabinet?”
“Read the banana, Noel.”
Noel looked down, reading the bold black words. “You are a lying junkie."
“I'm sure those words hurt. But you wouldn't be reading them if they weren't true.”
“I am so weak.” Noel slumped over, curling up in a ball. Ocean kneeled, placing a hand on his shoulder.
“But we are not defined by our limitations. We are defined by our potential.”
Ricky raised his hand. “I have the potential to watch Blade,” He signed while Noel squirmed at the mention of his ex.
“You two are bad friends! Bad.” Ocean scolded them and pointed her finger at both of them. Penny stood up holding her hands on her hips.
“That's unfair. What about you guys? Okay, you don't like our movie, we can't say the word "Blade”, there are phones in the refrigerator.” She clasped a hand on her mouth to prevent her from spilling more secrets. “Oops.” Noel ran to the refrigerator as Ocean tried to hold him back.
“Penny, Ricky!”
Penny and Ocean hauled Noel to Ocean’s bedroom as Ricky opened the door. Noel thrashed around and screamed, “Let me see if he called! I have a right to know asshole! You're monsters! You're dicks! You're racist pedophiles! You're the opposite of Batman!”
“You don't know what that means!” Penny exclaimed as she rushed out of the bedroom.
“Gonna rip out your throats and eat your--“
SLAM
“Still think the lock was overkill?” Ocean whispered while Noel banged on the door and fiddled with the lock. Ricky shook his head.
“There are phones in the refrigerator.” Ocean mocked Penny. “It's you.” She pointed to Penny.
There was a knock at the door. Ricky opened it.
“Hey, kids!” Father Markus stood in the doorway in blue pajamas with small trains on them.
“I need help reacting to something.” He signed. Both girls turned to him.
“Hi!” Father Markus greeted them.
Why the hell was a teacher at a student’s house?