Work Text:
Derek woke up in the middle of the night to find his bed half-empty. He remember turning in before Spencer that evening, something that wasn’t too unusual. Had Spencer never come to bed at all? He slid his hand to the other side of the bed, resting his arm where Spencer’s waist would normally be, feeling his absence. As he woke up more and more, he became more aware of his surroundings. His eyes got used to the dark, and his ears began to pick up on the sounds that were going through his and Spencer’s apartment. At first he thought it might have been raining, but he soon realized that what he was hearing was the faint sound of running water coming from the bathroom. Another sound was being covered by the fake rain, one that made his heart sink to his stomach once he identified it. Spencer was crying loudly.
Derek pulled the covers off of himself and walked towards the bathroom. He knocked politely at first. No response. He then tried to open the door, but it was locked. He resorted to throwing himself at the door, hitting it with his shoulder, and breaking it down. Upon storming in, he found his boyfriend sitting down in the shower, fully clothed, and with a knife in his hand. His left wrist had been slit open, blood was pouring out of it. It must have hurt like hell, but Spencer looked completely numb.
“Spencer!” Derek screamed his name, as he ran to him.
Spencer looked up, in disbelief that Derek had caught him. He tried to say something as his boyfriend turned off the lukewarm shower, but his mouth wouldn’t open.
“Help…” he managed to mumble, as he got dragged out of the shower.
“It’s okay, baby. I’m getting us help. You’ll be alright. We’ll get you all fixed up.”
Derek wrapped his wrist in a towel, and held his arm up above his head for him, trying to reduce blood flow to the gaping open wound. He used his free hand to call an ambulance.
By the time it got there, Spencer was barely awake. Still, once they started moving him away from Derek, he reached out to hold his hand. Derek kept on holding his hand whenever it was possible, from the ambulance ride, to the blood transfusions, until the stitches. Once he was bandaged up, he was free to go home.
“I am so, so sorry…” Spencer began, with tears in his eyes, once they were left alone for the first time, still in the hospital bed.
“I know, I know...” Derek shushed him, and held him close to his chest. “It’s okay. You’ve got nothing to apologise for, baby.”
“I can’t believe you came to get me. I really didn’t think you would do that.”
“What, did you think I was just going to let you die?” Spencer looked away from him. “Oh, no, Spencer… how could you think like that? Don’t you know how much I love you?”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t have to be sorry.” Derek pushed away his hair away from his face affectionately. “Let’s get you home now, okay?”
Spencer spent the cab ride home sat in the middle seat, curled up against his boyfriend. They were both wearing clothes that were covered in blood, and the driver was giving them strange looks. He spent the ride in silence, terrified that the driver would ask them any questions. He was so thankful when they finally got home, without having had to give any explanations.
Derek held his hand and walked him to the front door, only letting go of him to get the keys and open the door. Spencer stumbled inside and collapsed on the couch.
“Give me five minutes to sit down and then I’ll get cleaning.” Spencer said, elbows on his knees, his hands rubbing his face.
“Clean what?” Derek didn’t get what he meant.
“The bathroom. I made a mess.”
“Oh, Spencer… there’s no need for you to do that. I’ll deal with it, okay? You just go to bed, you need to get some rest.”
“Okay.” Spencer mumbled, and he got up.
Derek walked him to their bedroom, and helped him get changed. He left the blood stained clothes outside of the door, so he would remember to wash them later, and put some pyjamas on him. Then, he got him into bed.
“I’ll be back soon, okay? Try to sleep if you can.” Derek kissed his cheek.
Derek was determined to go clean the bathroom, but he found himself sat on the couch, calling Garcia on the phone.
“Pick up, pick up, pick up…” he mumbled to himself.
“Derek, this better be an emergency.” She sounded like she had just woken up.
“Something bad happened.” He felt his eyes burning, tears were starting to show up.
“What’s wrong?” All grumpiness and sass were gone from her voice.
“Spencer tried to kill himself.”
“Oh, no! That’s terrible! Is he alright?”
“Yeah, uhm, we just got back from the hospital. He’s trying to sleep now.” He tried his best to sound coherent despite the fact that he was crying. “It was horrible. I found him bleeding out in the shower, and I had to call the ambulance, and I wasn’t sure they’d make it in time…”
“Oh, Derek…”
“And now I have to go clean up, but I can’t. I can’t face the blood again. There’s so much of it. Spencer’s blood.”
“Derek, you don’t have to do that, okay? Give me twenty minutes, I’ll come over and clean everything.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, you just go hold Spencer, and by the time you guys wake up it will all be gone.”
Derek went back to the bedroom. His boyfriend was still awake, and he could see he had been quietly crying. He sat by his side, and dried his cheeks with his hands. Then, he flipped the pillow so the dry side would be facing him.
“That was quick.” Spencer commented.
“I didn’t clean it. I called Garcia, she’s gonna come over soon and she’s going to do it. Is that okay?”
Spencer nodded.
Derek pulled back the covers and crawled into bed with his boyfriend. He lied on his back, and wrapped an arm around Spencer, pushing him towards himself. Spencer shuffled and rested his head on Derek’s chest, hiding his face in it. His entire body was hurting, but being with him was helping ease the pain. Derek held him tight.
It was almost morning, and Derek knew he should be trying to sleep. But how could he? All he could see when he closed his eyes was Spencer covered in his own blood. He must have spent hours just lying awake, holding on to Spencer and smelling his hair, before he decided he needed a change of scenery.
He carefully got out of bed, tucking Spencer back in immediately after. He walked out of the bedroom to see Garcia sitting on the couch, working on something on her laptop. Once she saw him, she quickly got up and went to hug him.
“Hey, how are you feeling?” She asked him, full of concern.
“Like shit.” He answered, but with a smile.
“Did you manage to get any sleep?” Derek shook his head no. “How’s about I make you some coffee then?”
Derek sat down at the kitchen table, and listened to Garcia explain how she managed to get everything off of the shower and the bathroom floor, but had to throw away the bloodied towel, as there was no way of getting the stains off of that. She was letting Spencer’s clothes soak in cold water, and hopefully she’d be able to salvage those.
She placed a steaming cup of coffee before him with one hand, and sat down in front of him.
“I don’t know how to help him.” He said.
“You’ll have to take him to see some doctors, get him to go to therapy and maybe go on some medication. Other than that, I guess there’s not much you can do. Let him rest, at least for the next few days. I’m sure Hotch won’t mind giving him some time off, after this. Look after him, be kind, show him that he is loved. And make sure not to leave him alone, so this doesn’t happen again.” Her eyes suddenly lit up, and her mouth curled into a warm smile. “Hey there, good morning!”
A very groggy looking Spencer had walked into the room, rubbing at his eyes and yawning. Derek turned around to face him.
“How are you doing, baby? Did sleeping make you feel any better?” He asked him.
“Yeah. Arm hurts, though.”
“I’ll find you some painkillers.” Garcia offered, and went off to the bathroom, to look in the medicine cabinet.
Spencer walked up to Derek, and wrapped his arms around his shoulders from behind, placing his head next to his.
“I heard you guys talking. You’re going to make me see a doctor?”
“Yeah. You really need one, Spence. What happened last night can’t happen again.”
“I don’t know if I can do that.”
Derek turned slightly, so he would be facing him.
“It’s gonna be okay. I’ll be with you every step of the way. I’m here for you.”
“You promise?”
“Of course. I promise.”
Garcia came back with some paracetamol, which Spencer took along with a cup of coffee, and some cereal that they made him eat. Derek kept a hand on his shoulder at all times, lightly rubbing it with his thumb. He would occasionally give him little kisses in between sips of coffee, on his mouth, on his face, on his arm. Garcia kept smiling, and encouraging him as he ate his breakfast.
Spencer wasn’t quite sure yet if he was happy that he was still here, but he was glad that he was with them. And for now, that was enough.