Archive of Our Own

Riki never really thought his personality was a problem, well not until he became an idol.

Since the days of I-LAND people found reasons to hate him for his character ; now Riki wasn’t the biggest fan of how he was portrayed on I-LAND and some of the things he did do and say but netizens saw him and took that as an opportunity to rip him apart. They saw him as selfish and rude and arrogant, even though that really was not the case.

The members of Enhypen were the first ones to see that, and the first ones to tell Riki that what other people thought about him was wrong. Riki was a sweet and mature kid ; sure he liked to play around and tease his hyungs but he also cared for them so much and even if he didn’t say it, he showed it to them too many times for them to think otherwise.

His hyungs loved him and his teasing nature and Riki got comfortable with that and being who he was with them, until that changed again.

People saw him teasing his hyungs and called him a bully, they once again saw the bad in Riki and thought he wasn’t a good person. They sent him hate and death threats and told him to leave the group ; it all got to him even if Riki tried not to let it and so he changed again.

He became the Riki he was, quiet, thoughtful, mature, someone that people could like. Sure he still cracked jokes and made a few teasing remarks here and there but not to the extent he used to, not anymore. It wasn’t safe for him to because people would just rip him apart again, so why should he even bother to be himself or be entertaining? It seemed that people were going to hate him either way.

So in the days of their Future Perfect promotions, he, Jay and Sunoo were about to do a live together and before he went to meet with his hyungs, a manager pulled him into a room at the company and shut the door behind the two of them.

Riki raised his eyebrow at the man and wanted to ask him what was going on, but before he could even get a word out, the manager just went on a tangent.

“Kid, what the hell is wrong with you? You must be the most boring and quiet teenager that I have ever seen, you barely speak in any of the group’s lives or interviews and we need to fix that. You need to be engaging for the audience or nobody is going to like you… again,” the manager had told him.

Riki was completely taken aback and quite frankly a bit hurt at the manager’s words because it feels like all he has done for the past two years is changed for people to like him more, Riki really didn’t know if he wanted to do it again or if he even could. It felt like he had too many faces and none of them were his own.

“Hyung, I- I’m just being myself,” Riki said even though it was a lie, he can’t remember the last time he was just himself on camera.

“Well listen Ni-ki, 'yourself' absolutely sucks. So we’re going to fix that.” The man said as he handed Riki a metal water bottle.

“Drink.” he demanded.

Riki gave him a look before he took the cap off the water bottle and was immediately hit by the smell of alcohol, he wasn’t exactly sure what type but it was definitely something on the stronger side and the smell almost burned his nose and made Riki gag.

Nearly all of his hyungs could legally drink now and they have and Riki’s smelt alcohol a few times before but none of them have ever given him any as they made it their duty to be responsible for Riki and giving their sixteen year old maknae was far from responsible in their books.

“Are you fucking insane?” Riki asked the manager.

“Don’t talk to me that way boy. This is your only option to get people to like you or you can get out of this group if you’re not even going to bother to try and entertain fans,” the manager said in a low and threatening tone.

“I’m not drinking this,” Riki refused.

“You don’t have a choice!” The man barked at him.

“People are already talking about how quiet and uninteresting you are and that you barely contribute to Enhypen. It’s only a matter of time before they say it more and you know what happens, specifically to you when netizens pick up on something like that,” he said in a harsh tone.

Riki felt his resolve faltering a bit as the manager picked at his own insecurities and made his carefully constructed walls feel like they were crumbling down.

“I-” Riki began.

“Drink.” The manager interuppted him lowly as he gripped the bottle and tilted it to Riki’s lips.

“I really-” Right as Riki opened his mouth, the manager tipped the bottle back and made a pretty big swig of the liquid completely fall back into Riki’s throat.

He held the bottle there so Riki had no choice but to swallow and the taste burned his throat on the way down. Riki gagged and coughed a little bit as the manager took the bottle and backed away before handing him a piece of gum out of his pocket.

“For the smell,” was all he said with a crooked smile before leaving the room.

Riki was stunned and didn’t even know what to make of what just happened as he stared down at the piece of gum in his hand. He was hurt and angry and sad but he also had no clue what to do. He glanced at the clock on the wall to see that he was late to his live with his two hyungs so before he even got a chance to really think, he popped the gum in his mouth reluctantly and slinked out of the room.

Riki’s head felt like it was spinning slightly as he made his way down the hall and it felt like he had some kind of buzz in his brain as he went towards the room that his hyungs were waiting in.

He opened the door and Jay and Sunoo stopped in what they were talking about with Engenes and looked up at him with warm and bright smiles.

“Ah look, our maknae is finally here everyone,” Sunoo smiled as he never took his eyes off of Riki.

Riki gave his totally-not-favorite hyung a small smile of his own in return and as he moved over to the table to take a seat ; he learned about the lovely effects of alcohol on the brain as he said something he never would’ve said without any sort of influence on him.

“Hidee-ho, hello Engenes!” Riki waved with a wide smile on his face as he did a little jig before sitting down.

Sunoo and Jay instantly burst into laughter at his antics as Riki sat down and Sunoo was nearly throwing himself out of his chair as he lightly smacked Riki’s arm.

“What is that Riki?” he asked through his laughter.

“That was- interesting,” Jay added before he broke off into his own chuckles.

The sounds of his hyungs’ laughter made Riki feel a bit lighter and he relaxed into his chair a bit more before the older two members calmed down and looked back to the IPad.

“Yes, our maknae is quite the funny one. He’s adorable,” Jay nodded seemingly in agreement with one of the comments a viewer left.

Riki couldn’t help but feel a little bit touched by that, he only said a simple phrase and people actually found it a bit funny and entertaining. That was a bit of a surprise for him.

Riki felt a bit more energetic and less reserved through the live as well so when an Engene asked for him to do the Hype Boy dance again, he was quick to oblige and nearly knocked over his seat when he was getting up.

“Jeez, someone’s excited,” Sunoo had commented jokingly as he moved over to the side to give Riki room to dance.

Riki just let his body move as Sunoo played the song on his phone and his two hyungs hyped him up in what he was doing. Riki quickly after pushed Sunoo to dance to Attention which he finally did after a lot of teasing and bickering back and forth with him and Riki.

Riki didn’t even really think about what he was doing or saying then ; he just let his mouth move and bickered with Sunoo as he tried to refuse doing the dance. It felt nice, it felt like old times before Riki had to watch everything he said and became more quiet and reserved, it felt like when he was still being himself.

The live went on with Sunoo, Jay and himself speaking about various topics. Riki was still feeling buzzed and his brain to mouth filter failed and he spoiled them filming En O’ Clock the following day which resulted in Sunoo face-palming, which Riki followed suit in doing, half-jokingly and half just imitating his hyung.

“Well thank you for joining us Engenes, we’re going to go now so bye!” Jay waved to the camera.

“Bye,” Riki and Sunoo both waved.

They ended their live there and were pretty quiet as they collected their things to head down to the van so they could return to the dorm for a good night’s sleep.

The effects of the drink he took earlier were slowly fading but Riki still didn’t feel completely in his right mind, though he was sure he would feel better after some dinner and a shower.

He took a seat beside Sunoo while Jay sat by himself ; it was only when they left the parking lot that Sunoo finally spoke.

“You were really energetic today,” he commented matter-of-factly.

“Yeah, I guess it was, sorry if I annoyed you and Jay-hyung,” Riki said apologetically as he tried to avoid Sunoo’s gaze.

“What? Annoyed us?” Sunoo asked incredulously as he stared at the maknae, “Riki please you were so fun, I had a really great time doing the live with you and I’m sure Jay-hyung feels the same.” Sunoo said sincerely.

“Really?” Riki asked.

“Yes, really. You’re a great partner to annoy Jay-hyung with,” he winked up at the taller boy.

After eating dinner that was courtesy of Jake and Heeseung, Riki took a shower and headed to his room for the night. His head felt a lot clearer after the events of the evening and he finally felt a bit more like 'himself'. However, feeling more like himself allowed him to think about what really occurred earlier more deeply.

Their manager had really picked at his insecurities and forced him into drinking alcohol because he was convinced it would make Riki more fun and interesting. It was so wrong, the man forced alcohol down Riki’s throat and just recalling the memory made his throat burn and head buzz all over again.

It was awful and it was wrong. Riki instantly thought about talking to Jungwon or any of his other hyungs because he hated what the manager forced him into.

But the more Riki thought about it, maybe the man had a point.

He recalled how Sunoo and Jay genuinely laughed at him earlier, as well as the comment one of the Engenes left on the live and the more Riki thought about it, the more he thought that maybe the manager had a point. Riki grabbed his phone from off his bed and laid down before opening the WeVerse app.

It was like the algorithm Gods were watching him because the first thing Riki saw when he opened the app were comments from Engenes talking about him in the live earlier.

Lots of them reposted the same clips but the general consensus of the captions was the same.

'Riki was really fun in this live.'

'Ni-ki was so entertaining here! He’s such a goofy little sweetheart.'

'Sunoo and Riki were really sweet here, they’re too cute.'

'I’ve been smiling like an idiot like this for a good five minutes, Riki is such a ball of energy.'

Engenes actually liked Riki being energetic and funny. They thought he was entertaining and enjoyable to watch. Riki felt his heart fill with warmth at the support from the people who got him here in the first place and he got lost in his thoughts as he scrolled through the hundreds of positive messages from them.

Riki loves being in Enhypen and he loves his fans, he always wants them to stay supporting the group and well supporting him. Riki wants them to like him ; that’s all he has ever wanted since I-LAND when people hated him and he wanted to show them that who he was then wasn’t a good show of his personality and that he was better than that.

Engenes clearly do like him like this, so why would Riki change that when people are finally actually just not bashing him and hating him. Despite the rational part in his brain quietly protesting and saying that this wasn’t a great idea, Riki chose to ignore it for once, for the sake of himself.

This went on for the next few months, for interviews or lives and even some appearances, their manager would discreetly give Riki a few sips of alcohol to make him loosen up and become the personality that Engenes seemed to love.

Riki was more energetic and talkative, he would make more jokes during their lives- none at the expense of the members. It seems his brain still strayed away from those even when he wasn’t completely in his right mind. He would pull off a few more antics, he would laugh more and share anecdotes in their videos as well.

His hyungs enjoyed it as well, they smiled at Riki more and laughed at his jokes more, just like they used to, before Riki had retreated into this shell and become less of himself. It felt almost nice to be back to how things were before and Riki didn’t really want to let go of that feeling either.

There was one instance where they were going to record a Free Board for the Manifesto Day 1 era and they had to make 'anonymous complaints'. The manager had pulled Riki into the studio where they were recording the audios to be used in the video and instantly shoved a bottle into Riki’s hands.

Now, Riki had grown used to the routine over time but in this instance he really didn’t see it necessary. It was just a more miscellaneous video for entertainment for their Engenes and they weren’t even on camera for this part. Riki saw no need for him to drink to record the audio.

“I don’t think that’s necessary manager-nim,” Riki protested as he pushed the bottle away from his face.

“Listen Ni-ki, you’re not going to say anything interesting if you’re just being you. So you’re going to be the 'you' that people actually fucking like kid. Drink up.” The man demanded gruffly as he placed the bottle down in front of Riki with a clang.

“Fine, then you can stay here until you do since you’re the last member here anyway,” the man told him with a conniving smirk as he locked the door.

“Are you fucking serious?” Riki asked, in complete disbelief that the man was threatening him to this extent.

“I know you've been exhausted from the schedules recently and I’m sure you want a good night’s sleep Ni-ki~ssi. If you want to get this over with, I suggest you do as I say.” The manager said with a self satisfied smirk as he put his chair against the locked door and sat down.

Riki glanced from the man to the bottle in front of him repeatedly and felt like he was left with barely any choice, he took the bottle and let the strong liquid inside of it hit his throat.

Riki gagged and recoiled a bit at the taste as it was definitely stronger than usual but felt the effects of it after only a few minutes. From that, his 'Kim Sunoo' joke was included in his audio and the manager subsequently decided that it was going to be used in the video.

Before he left, Riki was thrown a piece of gum and a falsely kind smile from the manager as he headed downstairs with a fuzzy-feeling head to return to the dorm.

“Hey Riki-yah,” Heeseung greeted the maknae when he entered the kitchen.

“Hi Riki-san, are you joining us for dinner?” Jake smiled at him.

Riki really didn’t feel that good and the thought of eating made his stomach turn, “I’m okay hyungs. I’m really tired so I’m gonna go to bed.”

The hyungs’ brows all furrowed and they gave him questioning looks.

“But Jay-ah made tteokguk, it’s one of your favorites.” Sunghoon stated, sounding a bit concerned that Riki was refusing dinner.

“I appreciate that hyung, but I really don’t feel hungry,” Riki shook his head as he gave Jay a small and grateful smile.

“Are you feeling okay Ki?” Jungwon asked him, his cat-like eyes soft with nothing but concern for his only dongsaeng.

Riki nodded slowly as he tried to fight back the pounding in his head and the weird, sick feeling in his stomach. He almost wanted to just tell them everything right then and there but he held back ; besides people liked him better like this,

“I’m fine hyung really, I’m just tired. I’m going to go to bed. Goodnight hyungs.”

With that, Riki quickly grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and sped off to the bedroom as he ignored the concerned looks his hyungs gave him. He stumbled through changing out of his clothes due to the ache in his head and he held onto the wall as he grabbed an Advil to take for the pain. He popped two in his mouth and drank half of his bottle of water before all but collapsing into bed and allowing himself to drift off to sleep.

The next day while they were filming, Riki didn’t feel all that great and he was a bit more quiet as a result. He attempted to avoid the manager like the plague so the man wouldn’t force him into drinking anything before filming, but he ended up with a few burning sips down his throat and a piece of gum to cover up the smell nonetheless. It was hard for Riki to miss how the man glared at him from across the room while the group were doing the video but he ignored it and tried his best to enjoy himself.

The hyungs did laugh and looked directly at Riki when his audio recording came around and Riki couldn’t hold back the small smile on his face at the sound ; in his recording he also had reminded Heeseung of his promise to go bowling with him and his eldest hyung gave him a fond smile when he heard that part.

As usual, Riki cracked a few jokes and talked a bit more than he usually would but it seemed alright and the recording went well.

Only a few days later it had been edited and uploaded for Engenes to see. Riki went to check out the video and the top comments were more of their beloved Engenes calling him cute and funny as well as adorable to watch.

The words were sweet but the reason behind it still felt so sour to Riki as he remembered what his manager said : maybe the man was right, people did like him when he wasn’t himself.

Nonetheless, things continued in the same way for several months. Riki just went along with it although he hated it more and more as time went on. Every time he protested, the manager picked at his insecurities and insulted him again all before reminding him of the nice things Engenes have been saying ever since they’ve started their god-awful methods.

It was only when the new year began, it all finally came to a head. The group were filming an episode of En O’ Clock as the new year had finally come and they were finally making more episodes for Engenes.

When Riki heard the concept for the shoot that day, he was relieved since it was much more laid back and calm. The group were all going to get a personal color analysis done by a professional so it was much more of a sit-down video which they were more than grateful for after having finished their world tour recently.

Once Enhypen arrived at the location for filming, while the staff was setting up and the stylists were working on Riki’s hyungs, the manager pulled him aside once again and into a small room.

“Oh come on.” Riki groaned, “There is no reason for this today.”

The manager stood against the door and glared Riki down, “You say that but if it weren’t for my idea, Engenes really wouldn’t like you nearly as much as they do now.”

“You’re finally actually proving entertaining for them and we’ve found a method that works and you want to throw that away Ni-ki~ssi?” The man hissed at him.

“I’m not throwing anything away!” Riki argued, “I just don’t want to do this, not for a video like this.”

“I don’t want to hear you whining and crying about how Engenes don’t like you all over again. They’re finally actually enjoying you for once and you’re being ungrateful for it,” the man spat at him.

“You would be nothing if it weren’t for me. If it weren’t for me you’d be thrown out of this group so long ago because your own fans never gave a fuck about you until I helped you, you brat.” The manager ranted furiously as he got up in Riki’s face.

“Fuck you.” Riki shot back.

He shoved past the man and stormed out of the room, completely tired of how weird and gross this situation had become over the last few months. It had always been awful but Riki was really and truly tired. For a while he did like it, he liked that the drinking would help him loosen up and get Engenes to like him more.

Now it just felt wrong and he couldn’t do it anymore and he couldn’t stand the manager trying to force him into it.

Riki sighed as he headed into the room that was serving as their dressing room and he took a seat at his usual makeup artist’s station.

Sunoo was sitting nearby and noticed the maknae seeming a bit off and gave him a concerned look, “Are you okay Riki-yah?”

Riki just bit his lip and nodded even though he felt like crying, this wasn’t the time for him to talk about it, maybe he could when they got back to the dorm but not now with all these staff around. However, for the first time in a few months he decided to be honest.

“Not really hyung… but can we talk about it later?” Riki said sincerely.

Sunoo only looked a bit more worried and reached over to give Riki’s knee a small squeeze.

“Of course Kiki.”

The makeup artist soon came over to start getting Riki ready and Sunoo sat there with Riki the entire time, giving the maknae’s knee a few reassuring squeezes to make sure he was doing okay.

The room was pretty hot so as Riki’s hair was being done, a staff member came in with a few cold bottles of soda, one for each of the members. The man undid the caps for each member as he handed them their bottles and Riki gave him a small smile and a quiet 'thank you' as he was handed his drink.

Riki took a small sip of his and his brow furrowed at the taste. It didn’t really taste like a normal coke so he glanced at the label but it did read that it was cherry flavored and Riki had never really had that one before so he just didn’t think anything of it and took a few more sips.

Sunoo was showing Riki a few memes on his phone while he was also getting his hair done as he knew his maknae wasn’t feeling the best. All the members kept having sips of their drinks to cool down in the heat of the room and by the time his stylist called for him, Riki’s bottle was more than half done.

As he stood up, he found his head feeling a bit fuzzy but he brushed it off as just being the heat. Riki let the stylist guide him to the cooler room to get changed into his outfit for the video but the fuzzy feeling didn’t stop there.

Riki felt weirdly off. It wasn’t that bad but it was definitely off.

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed exactly as he tried to figure out why he suddenly started feeling weird but he got a clue that it had been quite a while when he heard a staff knock on the door.

“Ni-ki~ssi, are you okay in there? We’ve already started filming,” the woman called out to him.

Riki heard the words but they took a second to process before he replied.

“Oh, I’ll be out in a minute!” Riki called back after a few seconds too long.

“Okay then!” she said in response.

What was going on with him?

Riki tried to put on a smile as he walked out of the room and headed out to the set.

He bowed to the color analyst before he took a seat on the same table with Heeseung and Sunoo to the far left.

The man asked them to draw one of the members and Riki got Jay. He was able to do it, albeit a lot slower than he usually does art and the off feeling in him just grew.

Clearly he wasn’t doing the best at hiding it either as Heeseung and Sunoo both gave him concerned looks and seemed to be keeping a very close eye on him.

When Riki was called up by the analyst he felt like he was swaying back and forth on his own two feet and his mouth felt dry.

However, right as he was about to go, the crew called for a pause to reset the cameras which would only take about a few minutes. At that time Riki sat back down and the aching in his head and sick feeling in his stomach grew.

“Riki-yah, are you feeling okay?” Heeseung asked him with worry in his eyes.

Riki took a few seconds too long to actually process the words and when he opened his mouth to respond, it felt so weirdly dry.

“I’ll talk to you about it later, hyung,” Riki replied.

The maknae completely missed the frown on Heeseung and Sunoo’s faces as well as the rest of the members who were closely observing the interaction. If Riki’s head was more clear he would’ve noticed how his words were slurring together and how long it was actually taking him to respond to simple questions, but nothing really felt normal for him at the moment.

“Jake-hyung, what’s up with Riki?” Jungwon asked the Aussie who was also staring at Riki in concern.

“I’m not sure Wonie, but something seems really off,” Jake replied, his brow furrowed as he didn’t know what exactly was wrong with his dongsaeng.

“He’s been off the whole of filming and now the slurred speech and delayed responses? Could he be sick?” Jungwon asked in concern.

“But something that’s so sudden onset? I don’t think that a simple bug or a flu would have him like this,” Jay stated.

“Sleep deprivation?” Sunghoon suggested, “We just got back from tour and none of us have really gotten a lot of rest lately. That’s especially bad for Riki since he’s only seventeen.”

“Maybe?” Jay somewhat agreed, “He was nodding off for a bit earlier but I don’t even think he noticed. Riki’s really out of it. I’m concerned.”

As their concern grew and they discussed Riki’s condition a bit more their maknae himself was actually finally realizing something that made him feel even sicker to his stomach.

The buzzing feeling in his head however is what felt like the biggest giveaway and his not fully aware brain still managed to piece what was going on together.

There was alcohol in his drink.

He really wasn’t sure how and Riki didn’t care to really know how either, but he does know that he feels awful and his head is spinning and his stomach is churning in his torso.

Riki felt the world turn briefly and he clutched the edge of the table so hard that his knuckles turned white and he looked up briefly, but it was long enough to see the manager giving him a glare from behind the cameras.

Riki drew in a quiet, shaky breath as his stomach churned once again. He felt awful, every inch of him felt sick and out-of-it and Riki really wanted his hyungs right now.

Before he could say anything however, the crew began filming and their guest called him up for his color analysis.

Riki reluctantly walked over to the chair and sat down. He tried his best to be polite but it was hard considering he really wasn’t feeling great at the moment and he really couldn’t keep his focus all that well but he mainly paid attention to what the color analyst was saying and nodded along or made small comments in response as to not be rude.

Riki heard Sunghoon teasing him when the analyst gave him a pink sample but he really didn’t have it in him to reply.

Unbeknownst to him, the former ice skater’s face fell when Riki made no response to his teasing which was so unlike the maknae. Riki didn’t even give any indication that he heard Sunghoon and he glanced over at Jay who also looked concerned but was trying his best to not let it show too much on camera.

Heeseung himself even made comments when the analyst gave the youngest red or pink samples, the maknae just looked so out of it and while the other members laughed at his joke, there was no response or indication from Riki that he heard their comments.

The other members all glanced from the maknae to the eldest with looks of concern on their faces as the same thought ran through their heads.

What was going on with their maknae?

The filming felt painfully long until the director finally called for it to end. Riki’s head was pounding and he felt like he had no control over his body at the moment. The churning in his stomach had hit a peak and the hyungs were all ready to check on their maknae.

“Riki-yah?” Sunoo asked as he reached for the youngest.

Riki’s stomach lurched and he let out a gagging noise before he beelined out of the room and to the bathroom.

The hyungs all quickly shared a look before they hurried after him and Jungwon pushed the still swinging stall door open for the sound of retching to greet their ears as Riki vomited in one of the stalls.

“Oh shit, Riki baby?” Jake called for the boy as he ran to the stall he heard his maknae in with the rest of the group hot on his trail.

Riki was kneeling on the ground puking into the toilet and Jake and Sunoo quickly crouched down and rubbed his back even if the feeling of Riki’s muscles convulsing under their palms made them feel queasy themselves.

That didn’t matter though, Riki was sick and he needed them so as his hyungs they would be there.

“I guess he really is sick,” Jungwon commented sympathetically as Riki continued retching in the stall.

“Yeah.” Jay nodded, “It’s still so sudden though, he seemed like himself earlier.”

“He was off when he came into the dressing room earlier.” Sunoo brought up, “I asked him if he was okay and he said not really but he also said he’ll talk about it later.”

“Hmm, maybe he thought he could handle it?” Heeseung questioned.

“Hyungs?” Riki called for them.

“We’re here Riki-san, we’re right here baby. Deep breaths okay?” Jake instructed as he rubbed the boy’s back.

“Hurts…” Riki muttered before he dry heaved into the toilet a few times.

“What hurts bub?” Heeseung asked gently.

“Head and stomach,” Riki groaned after a few seconds.

“Well you’re sick sweetheart, you probably caught something,” Jay told the maknae softly.

“Not sick,” Riki protested as he shook his head.

He was well aware that he was sick but it wasn’t in the way his hyungs are thinking.

“I think you puking your guts out in this stall begs to differ Riki-yah,” Sunghoon said with a small bit of humour in his tone.

Riki shook his head before he gagged a bit more and finally collapsed a bit onto his side against Jake. The Aussie quickly wrapped his arms around the pale-looking youngest and held Riki to his chest while he rested Riki’s head on his shoulder.

Jungwon entered the stall as well and crouched in front of the three other members taking up the stall. He wiped a wet tissue over Riki’s mouth to clean off the little bits of vomit off of Riki’s mouth before he tossed the napkin into the toilet.

“What happened Kiki?” the leader asked softly.

“The manager…” Riki slurred out.

“The manager?” all the hyungs asked in sync, shocked and confused as to what their maknae was talking about.

“The d-drinks,” Riki began as he drew in a deep breath and slumped against Jake even more.

His head was still spinning and it was feeling terribly difficult to stay awake.

“What happened with the drinks baby?” Sunoo asked him, wanting to get an answer out of the maknae.

“A-alcohol, he put alcohol,” Riki replied before going limp against Jake.

“Riki? Riki!” Jungwon yelled worriedly as he lightly tapped the youngest’s cheek.

Jake brought his hand to Riki’s pulse point and he sighed in relief when he realized that Riki’s was relatively normal but he was just unconscious.

“He just passed out. I don’t think he needs a hospital but we should take him home,” Jake told the group.

“But what Riki said : about the manager. Did the manager really drug him?” Heeseung asked angrily.

“Well, why don’t we go ask him?” Sunghoon gritted out.

Heeseung sighed and pinched between his eyebrows.

“Jay : take the others back to the dorm and take care of Riki. We’ll deal with the manager,” Heeseung instructed authoritatively as he left the bathroom with Sunghoon.

The members all nodded in agreement as Jay took Riki from Jake and hoisted the maknae up into a bridal carry. Sunoo stood up and carded a hand through Riki’s hair briefly before he left a small kiss on the unconscious boy’s forehead.

“You’ll be okay baby,” he whispered worriedly against Riki’s skin before pulling away.

Once the five members got back to the dorm, Jay instantly set into eomma-mode.

“Jake, Sunoo, get Riki in the bath. Jungwon get him something comfy okay?” Jay told the other three as he set about grabbing various things around the kitchen to make Riki something to eat.

Jake carefully got Riki out of his clothes that smelt a bit like vomit while Sunoo ran the bath and added Riki’s favorite vanilla scented bubble bath solution and mixed it into the warm water.

They worked in silence as Jake and Sunoo lowered the maknae into the bathtub.

As Sunoo wet Riki’s hair a bit the boy stirred a bit but didn’t make much indication of waking up.

The door swung open and Jungwon entered in comfy clothes of his own with Riki’s sweatpants and a hoodie in hand and he placed them down on the counter before he sat down on the toilet lid and glanced over to the maknae as Jake and Sunoo cleaned him.

“So the manager really drugged Riki today?” Jungwon asked angrily.

“Well yeah, when you give a teenager alcohol without him knowing, that’s drugging him,” Jake grumbled angrily as he gently wiped a wet cloth over Riki’s face.

“I can’t fucking believe he would do that.” Sunoo huffed as he carefully washed Riki’s hair, “Why the hell would he do that?”

“I don’t know hyung… I guess we’ll have to ask Riki.” Jungwon told him.

A few minutes later, Riki stirred again and he let out a groan. He quickly realized he was surrounded by the feeling of warm water and he slowly blinked his eyes open to see three of his hyungs sitting in the bathroom with him, although it was very clearly the one at their form and not the one he was throwing up in earlier that day.

“Hey baby, how’re you feeling?” Sunoo asked him softly.

“A little better,” Riki muttered.

“Well once Heeseung-hyung and Sunghoon-ah come back we have to have a talk bub,” Jake told the maknae.

“Where are Heeseung-hyung and Sunghoon-hyung?” Riki asked the older boy.

“They’re dealing with the manager, don’t worry about it for now Riki-yah. Just relax,” Sunoo said soothingly as he carded a hand through Riki’s wet hair.

Riki still felt quite exhausted so he decided to oblige for now and closed his eyes and leaned his head against the cool tile of the wall behind him.

Eventually, Jake and Sunoo pulled Riki out of the bath and dried him off with a fluffy towel. Jungwon helped the maknae get dressed into his clean and comfy clothes before he guided Riki out of the bathroom and into the living room.

Riki leaned against the leader as Jungwon cuddled him before Jake and Sunoo came into the room changed into fresh clothes and Sunoo cuddled up to Riki’s other side.

Riki relaxed into the warmth and comfort of his two hyungs’ holds and he allowed himself to finally feel at ease for the first time in months. Jay soon entered with a few hot bowls of soup on a tray and he handed them out to his dongsaengs on the couches.

Riki gave Jay a grateful smile as he carefully held onto the bowl and began eating. Jay’s homemade cooking really did make Riki feel a bit better but he still had a sick feeling in his body : both from the horrible sickness he felt earlier as well as the slight dread that he felt about having this talk with his hyungs.

He did dread it because he wasn’t sure how his hyungs would react because he did go along with his manager’s plan initially before his feelings changed. However, Riki did want to talk to him, hence why he had refused the manager earlier that day and told Sunoo that he wanted to talk because he was tired of that man just forcing him into something he truly didn’t want to be doing any longer.

Soon enough, Sunghoon and Heeseung returned to the dorm and they both gave Riki small smiles and they quickly changed their clothes before coming back to the living room.

There was silence for a moment before Heeseung spoke up.

“So Riki-yah, Hoon and I confronted the manager and he admitted that he was giving you alcohol but he said that you agreed to it,” Heeseung began.

Riki looked up at his hyung and was about to say something before Sunghoon continued where the eldest left off.

“However Heeseung-hyung and I are having a hard time taking anything that he said seriously and he’s being fired from the company and blacklisted regardless. But we want to ask you Ki : what happened?” Sunghoon asked gently.

Riki swallowed a bit nervously before he spoke up.

“I did agree to go along with it at first.” Riki admitted.

“Why?” Jay asked him, his tone wasn’t at all angry but it was worried and confused.

“He pulled me into a room before the live with Sunoo-hyung and Jay-hyung and he told me that I was boring and too quiet and that I barely speak in our lives or interviews,” Riki began explaining.

“I tried to argue that I was just being myself although I wasn’t but he just said that 'myself' sucks and that he needs to fix it and then he handed me a water bottle filled with alcohol and he told me to drink.”

“I didn’t want to but he went on about how Engenes were already talking about me being uninteresting and that I barely contribute to the group and he forced it down my throat.”

“How did we not smell it on you when you came for the live?” Jay asked the maknae.

“He gave me gum to cover the scent,” Riki replied simply.

The maknae then sighed, “It’s why I was so energetic like Sunoo-hyung said and I guess more fun.”

“I guess in a way that also made me kind of feel like it made me a better version of 'myself' even though I wasn’t being myself. I knew it was wrong but then I saw Engenes talking about how they actually liked how I was in that live and I just thought that maybe it would work. I thought that maybe people would finally like me,” Riki sighed as he felt his eyes beginning to feel a bit watery.

“Since I-LAND people have always commented how I seem selfish and arrogant and they still do but you guys were there and you saw that I was better than that and when I showed you guys who I really was, you guys always showed me and told me that you loved me but then that changed again,” Riki sniffled as he felt a tear roll down his cheek.

Sunoo pulled the boy impossibly closer to himself and gave Riki’s shoulder a squeeze.

“People saw me actually be myself and they just called me a bully for teasing you guys and I changed again so people would stop, so they would like me again. Then the manager came and he told me that and-” Riki choked on a sob before he could get anything else out and Jay quickly pulled the youngest onto his lap.

“No matter what I do, everyone just seems to hate me and I- I don’t know why,” Riki cried.

Jay held Riki close to himself as the maknae cried into his shoulder. The second oldest carded his hand through Riki’s hair as Jungwon rubbed his hand up and down Riki’s back.

“Riki, we’re so sorry we didn’t know all of this was going on,” Heeseung apologized.

“It’s not your fault hyungs, besides you guys checked on me all the time and always tried to remind me to not let all the comments get to me-”

“But of course they still did baby, you’re only a teenager and you’re still human. You were thrown into this idol life so early and people just scrutinize everything you do and you don’t deserve that at all.” Sunghoon cut the youngest member off.

“You should never have to change because of what other people think. People just love to tell you to change and say horrible things about you and Riki you know damn well that they are not Engenes, they’re not our true fans if they don’t care about you,” Jungwon told him reassuringly.

“They’re all wrong Riki : the people online, the people in the media and especially the manager. He manipulated you and used your insecurities and what he knew you were struggling with against you to make you do what he wanted. It’s not your fault sweetheart,” Jay told him.

“Yeah?” Riki asked as he looked up to the second oldest, his eyes begging for nothing more than reassurance that he is enough as he is.

“Aww sweetheart, absolutely.” Jay said with certainty as he hugged Riki tighter.

The rest of the members quickly joined in and engulfed their maknae in a big hug.

“You’re our maknae, our Riki and we love you exactly as you are, who you really are. You don’t need to change and no one can make you change. We love you and those true Engenes that we’re proud to have love you too,” Heeseung smiled at the boy.

Eventually, the group pulled away and Riki was comfortably cuddled between Jay, Jungwon and Sunoo and he sighed as he relaxed before looking over to Heeseung and Sunghoon.

“The company’s really getting rid of the manager?” Riki asked.

“There are millions of people better than him to be with us Ki, we don’t need someone who manipulates and abuses our maknae,” Sunghoon stated.

“Heeseung-hyung gave him a little parting gift though,” Sunghoon smirked as he glanced down at Heeseung’s hand.

It was only then that Riki noticed the torn and red skin on the eldest’s knuckles which he sheepishly tried to hide.

“Hyung you didn’t!” Jake said as he let out a shocked laugh.

“He deserved it, he drugged our maknae.” Heeseung shrugged.

Riki felt a small smile pulling at his lips, “Thank you hyungie.”

“Of course baby, anything to protect you,” Heeseung returned his smile.

“Now violence isn’t the answer but I wish I got to punch him too,” Jungwon commented.

“Yah Heeseung-hyung, what are you teaching our sweet little leader?” Riki jokingly scolded the eldest.

The hyungs all cracked up at Riki’s joke and as the room filled with laughter and made Riki’s heart feel a little bit lighter he relaxed.

He didn’t need to change, not for anyone and especially not for this. Riki was enough for the people he loved and that’s what mattered.