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Kian sighed heavily and pushed himself away from the table making his chair squeak against the floor. Rubbing a hand over his face he tried to wipe away his frustration. The papers full of lyrics scattered across the table either having been previously crumpled or scribbled on.
He didn't like lyric writing, the words didn't come naturally to him unless the song spoke to him and he was currently just forcing himself to write something, anything really. Most of his songs recently had been empty, lacking emotion and a true story like music should have. Nothing sounded right anymore, melodies and the true music part of the song he could do easily, he was good at that. The guitar and the rhythm spoke to him but what's a song without lyrics? What rockstar has ever written a song without lyrics. He was beginning to think it wasn't worth it coming out here.
California was harder than he had thought. Not only was it expensive but everyone out here was scrambling to become famous. Every person on the streets of Hollywood competed for fame. Kian started as a hotshot in his hometown, whom everyone had said was destined to be a star, but instead found that he might not have what it takes. Nobody really listened to his music, labels didn't want him, it was a fight to get him on the radio, and he wasn't making that much at the hole-in-the-wall places he played at. He bit his lip, trying to look anywhere else hoping something would inspire him to write.
Maybe it would be easier if he had someone to help him.
His heart felt heavy as the flash of black hair and guitar solos stood out to him. He pushed it away and continued looking around for some inspiration, then, his eyes caught on the window in his room.
A light grey sky, soft flutters of white by his window, landing and sticking to the windowsill. Snow. But not like the normal flurries of slush they got a few times a year during the winter, no. Real. Snow. It came down like a blizzard but without the normal ferocity. It was mesmerizing. Kian was caught in a trance as he sat staring out the window at the beautiful sight in front of him. A smile crept it's way onto his face as he felt the heaviness of his heart ease away, just for a fleeting moment. The only thing he saw was the soft abundance of white miracles floating down onto Hollywood. He jumped from his chair, knocking it to the ground as he ran for his jacket in the closet.
Somewhere far away a different Kian did the same thing. A Kian of the past, a Kian of innocence and freedom, a Kian of confidence, a better Kian than Kian was now.
The action felt natural and nostalgic as he laughed to himself and slipped on his jacket running through the hall of his apartment. He slipped on his shoes and hurried his way out of the apartment building, lyrics and unfinished work long forgotten. He stepped through the front door to his small building located on the edge of Hollywood with a smile from the past. Nostalgia bit at him through the cold air, nipping at his ungloved hands and rosy cheeks. The soft white landed on him delicately atop his hair and coating his clothes.
He could feel the Kian he used to be standing the same way he was but all the way across the country in a small unknown town. He felt his best friends by him as they laughed and tumbled through the snow, scrambling for snowballs while being pelted with the soft snow, hands hard and cold from rolling snow for what felt like forever while trying to make the biggest snowman they could. Rand's laugh was loud and genuine as he watched Kian slip and then slipping himself and falling to the snowman they took forever to make. Rolan yelling at him while trying to help Kian up as they laughed. Their faces turning a light shade of pink around their noses and cheeks. All the times they'd fell flat on their asses while walking on the slippery sidewalks after it snowed. When Kian or Rolan got especially cold Rand would walk up and hold their hands, his hands were always warm. After coming inside and almost freezing to death they'd all huddle under a shared blanket and watch a movie, the blanket absorbing their body heat and spreading it through them like a radiator. It all felt so close but it was so far away.
Kian's eyes felt wet and his smile weakened as he realized that he had no one to enjoy the snow with.
He was lonely in California despite what he told people. Becky had never came, Rolan and Rand never visit, it felt like nobody here really seemed to care about him at all. Nobody gave a single shit. All he had was himself. He wiped at his eyes as he decided that he wasn't going to let himself be lonely and not play in the snow, hell, it never snowed here and he was not going to let this opportunity pass. Instead of sulking and going back inside he marched off to attempt to relive his fond memories of the snow hoping that it would make him less homesick.
He walked off to the gated area that served as a outdoor garage near his apartment building and was careful about his footing, he wasn't going to fall on his ass if it was the last thing he did.
The cars and concrete were completely covered in snow and he hesitantly bent over and scooped up a cold handful of soft fluffy snow. He breathed out a shakily and the heat from his breath drifted away in front of him like smoke. The memory of him and Rolan tossing snow at each other harmlessly as Rand chucked snowballs at them flooded his brain as he held it in his hand delicately, like if he tightened his grasp anymore it would crumble and fall away like it never existed. He tossed it into the air in front of him lightly and watched it flip and fall back into his hand with a thud, bits of snow flaking off and rejoining the rest on the floor. The laughing of teenagers still rang in his ears as he closed his eyes and imagined the scene he knew so well. He tightened his grasp and tossed it at the wall to his right. The snowball hurled through the air and struck the wall with a thump as some of it stuck to the wall with the rest shattered apart and scattered.
A part of him still felt like the kid back in Galloway, the kid that would rather get hypothermia than not play in the snow. The kid that spent all his time goofing off and not taking life seriously instead of trying to plan it out like Rolan did. The kid that stole his mom's magazines and marked the clothes he wanted so he could draw and write them down to buy later so he could dress the way he wanted. The kid that spent 90% of his time with his friends rather than at home because they were his home.
And half of him was a rockstar. Half of his was a struggling musician that kept up a bright smile. Half of him was a sweet talker that found comfort in the people at the bars he played at. Half of him missed home more than he thought possible.
In a way they were similar, both of them were afraid of getting older and both would never miss a snow day.
He let the kid back in Galloway take control of him. He picked up another snowball and chucked it at the wall again. The laughing ringing in his ears got clearer until he heard two voices. His own.
He eventually gave up on throwing snowballs at a wall and instead layed down in the snow and made a snow angel. The concrete on his back was easy to not think about when he was comforted by the snow around him. He stood up, careful not to mess up the angel and stood proudly looking down at it. Back in Galloway there would be three in a row, one significantly larger than his and another with foot prints in it from not caring if it got messed up. The angels would be holding hands. You might not be able to see it but they always did. Kian looked down at his own hand and missed out it fit in Rolan and Rand's hands. Rolan wasn't touchy by any means but he would hold Kian's hand, Kian and Rand were the only exception. Rand and Kian held hands a lot, it was a natural thing, they always had.
He looked around at the area around him. There were multiple splatters of snow in the hard wall and the angel lay on the floor by it. What else could he do?
There was a large amount of snow that went unused. A large amount of snow that could be used.
And so Kian began rolling.
Kian quickly remembered his least favorite thing about his beloved snow, cold hands. Yes snow was cold and yes he knew that but when your hands are being shoved and pushed against snow for who knows how long it gets worse. Hard cold hands were his least favorite part about the snow. and he definitely did not have gloves but that was fine. His numb, freezing hands would not keep him from enjoying the snow. He rolled the balls for the snowman with all the strength he could muster. And so with the time he spent rolling the snow he took a trip down memory lane.
There were about a thousand memories Kian had in the snow with Rand and Rolan and all of them warmed him from his freezing state the best they could, they warmed his heart for sure.
And finally after a few tears shed and his hands freezing he had a snowman. It stood back by his car and was as perfect as he could get it. It looked nothing like the ones he used to decorate back in Galloway but it was something he made and he was proud of it. He knew there were a few kids that lived in the apartment building he lived in, they were at school for now but when they came home hopefully the snowman would still be there. Maybe it'd make them smile.
He remembered back in Galloway the small group of elementary school kids that thought Kian was the coolest person in Galloway. Their parents most definitely didn't agree but the kids loved talking to Kian. Occasionally on snow days they would knock on the trailer door, asking if Kian could come out and play. They would show him the snowman they made together, small and lopsided but something they made none the less. Kian would smile and praise them telling them it was the coolest snowman in town and they'd decorate it together. Various hats and scarves, leaves and twigs, different shapes rocks they all pitched in to make the snowman stylish in a sense.
He left the snowman a blank slate and wrote on the hood of his car, "Hey! Decorate the snowman how ever you like :) -Kian" It only occurred to him after he wrote it that the snow may cover the words afterward but at least he tried.
Bringing his hands up to his face he breathed warm air out onto his hands and began slowly walking back to his apartment. He looked up to the sky before he walked back in, the clouds were moving what Kian could only assume was west, off toward the beach. Maybe it snowed in Chicago or Galloway before it snowed here. He smiled yet again as his previous writers block faded, he knew exactly what he wanted to write.