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The ocean is vast and dark. Sarah can see the white of the breaking waves. She looks over the rocks and sees her friends. All their beaming, happy expressions. Their feet where the firelight catches them.
Someone is singing, everyone is singing, but someone is singing really loud. JJ, probably. Sarah doesn’t know. Her head is fogged and her vision is hazy.
Poguelandia.
Collecting coconuts, attempting to catch animals; Cleo almost lost a toe. Shelters and primitive campfires.
Those are just a few things that occupy their time there. Mentally and physically drained, all of them. Well, except for JJ, he’s always been kind of high-spirited. And, sadly, it’s not like there’s anyone waiting for him back at OBX. He’s grown acclimated to this place and he’s pretty happy about it. To him, it’s home.
She stands at the water’s edge; it’s warm and inviting. She follows it. The water reaches her knees.
Sarah wants to get across to the waves how worthless she feels. But the sea already knows, doesn’t it?
Push and pull. Push and pull.
The ocean is beckoning.
But now JJ is here.
With her, in the water. Arms under her arms, dragging her back to the sand. Sarah wants to say something, but she can’t. She’s too dissociated.
JJ says, “Sarah?”
But her eyes stay on the roaring ocean.
Her hair is knotted and she probably lost her shoes. They're somewhere around her, she left them by the rocks, on the sand. But the water might've took them in. “Sarah,” JJ forcefully grasps both of her shoulders and shakes her. She shuts her eyes. Sucks a hard breath in.
She opens her eyes and looks at him. "I'm sorry."
He stares. “You don’t have to say sorry. Please, just- just don’t do that again. Are you good?”
“Yeah, I’m okay, I’m good.” She says.
Later, Sarah gazes up at the stars. The breeze brushes up against her face, and it's so silent, the waves are deafeningly quiet.
That is, until she hears a voice whisper, “Sarah.”
And she knows it’s JJ. “Sarah. Sarah, are you awake? Are you sleeping?”
Her eyes remains on the stars. “I was.” That’s a lie, she hasn’t slept.
She buries a hand into the sand, grabs a fistful of it and lets it spill between her fingers.
Again, his voice.
“Wanna watch the waves?”
Finally, she looks at him. “Sure.
The sea is still. The ocean tries to touch her, catch her, take her in again.
“…What was that earlier?” JJ asks suddenly. She just wanted to sit in silence, but really that’s impossible with JJ.
“I wanted to swim.” She says.
“You wanted to swim? But it was so rocky out there. You know, you probably would’ve died if I didn’t drag you out.”
Sarah laughs softly, says, “You know, there are like, probably a million alternate universes where I did die. I could’ve drowned out there, but here, you got me out.”
JJ looks at her and back at the water. “Yeah, I guess so. I mean, if I didn’t drag you out, those waves would’ve crashed over you completely. And you just kept going deeper and deeper into the water Sarah. You’re insane.”
Sarah draws her knees up to her chest and rests her chin on them. “Maybe. Maybe being stuck here for so long will eventually drive us all insane.”
“I don't feel stuck.” He says. “To me this is home. I don’t ever wanna go back.”
She says, “I don't know if I want to either."
It’s soothingly quiet for a few minutes. The sky is like dark cloth tacked with faint white stars…Sarah can’t look away.
“You're safe here, Sarah. Seriously. I have your back.” JJ says.
Sarah smiles, thinks that JJ’s more of a brother to her than Rafe ever was. Sarah’s friends give her a sense of security, her family used to make her feel that way. Something the Kooks used to make her feel, something OBX used to make her feel. Safe. She’s glad she found them, they’re better than the families she used to have. The Pogues, they’re real family.