Archive of Our Own

The Death Star is bright overhead. It could almost be a moon, if it weren't half-built, and if Vader didn't know so well what it was. The last time he saw the Death Star – nearly four years ago – whatever shards were left of his life shattered entirely.

He would never have met Leia if not for that, but it doesn't change how he lost Luke.

His son.

He regrets leaving every second, but it was so fast, and he knows his son would refuse to leave until he did.

Why Luke – or Leia – is so protective of him, he will never understand. He doesn't deserve this form of caring.

But for the first time in years, he sensed Luke. His son is aboard the Death Star, that will soon be destroyed. (Vader has little doubt it will be Hera Syndulla who fires the destroying shots this time – of course, it will be. Ahsoka is with her.)

And no matter what the cost, Vader will not leave Luke aboard that monstrosity. He's willing to do whatever he must to get him out. That's what scares him – it was his fear that led him to the Dark Side, and it was his fear that led to him losing Luke. He can only wait to see how long it will be before it hurts Leia as well. But for now, she's stayed strong, always here.

He raised Luke for nine years. They were going to leave together, but it never works.

If he leaves, it will mean leaving Leia, and she could die. Anything could happen to her in his absence.

"Father?" Of course, Leia is the only person who noticed him slipping outside. It probably would have been Rex as well, if he were here, but he's with the rest of the rebels. "Are you alright?"

"Luke and Sidious are here," he tells her, not looking away from the what-should-be-white object in the sky. Through his visor, it's always tinted red.

"Oh." She stops a few feet away, hands twitching. It had taken a while before she was comfortable with him, but after what he's become, he wouldn't dream of asking as much from her. But Leia has given it to him in a way no one else has – even if her adopted parents still live, it has changed nothing of their relationship. "What are you going to do?"

For the first time, he finds it in himself to tear his gaze away from where he knows his son is and look Leia in the eye, his white-gloved hands tightening over the railing enough that he feels it creaking beneath the prosthetics. "I must go."

"Must you?" she asks, moving closer. Her hair is falling freely, spilling down her back. Beautiful, he thinks with a stab of pain cutting at his heart. She is everything; she is perfect. Leia is Light in a way Luke never was.

"I cannot leave him."

"But the Emperor is there," she argues, "You know more than anyone what he's capable of. What if – what if he turns you again? What if he hurts you?"

"I will count on it," he replies dryly, bluntly. Maybe a little too bluntly. The Death Star had been destroyed before Tarkin could harm Alderaan, but the damage was done. Leia and the Organas were forced to go into hiding. They had lost their planet in a sense, and whatever is left of Alderaan now, is no longer the planet they remember. She's as afraid of loss as he once was. "I will always come back to you," he promises.

"You don't know that," she argues.

"If I remain here, I will endanger you," he continues – he felt it when he came, the immediate way Luke responded to his presence. Both of them want him back, and yes, he is terrified to go, but if he stays, he has little doubt the Sith will come to him.

"Then leave," she argues, shaking her head, "You don't have to go back to them." There's a desperate anguish in Leia's eyes now, and he loathes himself for being the one to cause it.

"I will not leave him again," Vader vows. He unclenches his hand from the rail, reaching to touch her – he had forgotten how calming physical contact was, for a long time, except Luke wanted it, and then when he... when Leia and Rex insisted that he be prepared, after he joined the Rebellion, he could sometimes... feel again.

Leia steps forwards, wrapping her arms around his waist, and he presses a hand to her back, pulling her much smaller frame against his. For the briefest, fleeting moment, it reminds him of years ago when he would hold Padme like this, but this is Leia and she's...

The brightest star in the galaxy. The only one in their family untouched by Darkness.

He senses, more than feels, her fingers pressed again the white leather of his armor. It hasn't changed much in style, only color, and he covered the controls to make them less of a weakness. That...

Okay.

It was Obi-Wan's suggestion.

Vader nearly hit him in the face again for suggesting it.

But in the end, it was Obi-Wan's clumsiness that permitted him to find Luke. The Grand Inquisitor tracked Obi-Wan to Tatooine after he left Vader to die a second time. Vader had followed, of course, shortly after, and found Luke.

Obi-Wan himself had gone to hide in plain sight on Alderaan, of all places. Except he was with Leia, training her.

All things he should have done himself, too.

"I don't want you to go," she says, voice slightly muffled.

"I know," Vader replies, gently pulling back, holding her at arm's length. It gives him a flash of another lifetime, of when he held Ahsoka like this. It's... unnerving how, more and more, he's starting to feel like Anakin again. "But I will bring your brother back to you. I promise."

She nods, blinking a few times, squaring her shoulders. (Anakin had done that countless times as a Jedi. In the war.) "I know you will."

"And if... I don't return..."

Her hand drifts to Anakin's lightsaber clipped to her belt. "I know," she says, "But you'll come back."

He doubts it's true, but her words sooth something in him – at least Leia will believe in him, where he can no longer believe in himself. It's not as though he ever has. "Tell Rex," he requests.

She nods. "I will."

That is, predictably, the moment Han finally emerges. "What's goin' on?"

"I must leave," Vader tells him simply – he won't explain the details to anyone except Leia. She's the only one who needs to know. "Force shenanigans, I believe you have the audacity to call it."

"Don't tell me this has to do with your Sidious theories –"

"Which are very correct," Vader replies flatly. He has no idea what to call their relationship. Han's loyalty is admirable, something Vader himself wishes he shared – but never will, even if he wants to. But when they met, he saw so much of himself in Han, it terrified him – someone who was lost, afraid, alone, craving affection but lost at what it meant. They've grown... together. Vader may have... doubts about Han, but he loves Leia, and Leia loves him, and he couldn't ask for anything more. "Protect Leia."

"Of course. With anything."

I know you will, he doesn't say. There has been enough talking. He only moves forwards again to give Leia another brief hug and to whisper a quiet "I'll return" to her before he leaves, cape swirling around his boots, and heads down from the trees. He doesn't look back to see the silhouette of his daughter and one of his... only friends.

He fears losing them for Luke as much as Leia does. And he is terrified to lose everything he just formed.

***

It's absolutely ridiculous, Vader thinks crossly, to be shoved around as a prisoner by stormtroopers. Yes, they're literally cowering in fear of him – everyone does it – but that didn't stop them from taking him to his son. And yes, he could snap off these very flimsy binders with just his hands and no use of the Force if he tried, but he has no reason to do that.

Yet.

Except that this is extremely insulting.

Luke stands across from him in the hall. He looks... older somehow. It hasn't been that long.

Luke never used the Dark Side when Vader was with him. But now, his eyes are burned a sulfuric yellow. Burning like the fires of Mustafar. The area around them is darkened from the Dark Side, darkened as it drained out the light and life and good that was his son. This was never supposed to be Luke. It was always supposed to be Vader who had it for him. For all of them. It was always – meant to be that way.

But there's always that burning knowledge in the back of his mind, the quiet whisper of you can't protect everyone, Anakin Skywalker.

That was all he ever wanted, when Sidious took that desperation and used it against him. Sidious, who took his son from him.

Guilt isn't nearly strong enough to describe what's strangling him. This was his son, and he should have stayed until the last, no matter what they had planned, anything to make sure his son was safe. Sidious hurt his son, he turned him, and that was something Vader would never have done. Maybe, in a different point, he could have, but not after he found him. Not after he raised him for years.

"Father," Luke says evenly, the moment they're alone.

"Son," he echoes. It cuts him deep down to see how his son has become everything he was. He himself has... been slowly moving back to the Light. He can't say when or how or why but reaching the Dark has become harder and harder. He does it though, because he has to. It's for the greater good.

"You came back," Luke says at last.

"I will always come back for you," he promises.

There's a moment of silence. It's been so long, and they've spent long enough apart that Vader doesn't... know how to interact with him. They've both built a life without each other, and it's... wrong. They should have been together throughout it. "You left before," Luke accuses. It's not quite an accusation, maybe it's just a statement, but Vader takes it that way, perhaps just from how he feels that way about himself.

"Yes," he says instead, "I did. I believed you were safe. I should have gone back for you. I should not have – but regrets will not change the past." He hasn't wanted to cry so badly since he lost Luke in the first place. That was years ago, but he's back here now – face to face with the person he knows he failed most of all. No sort of desperation to make this right will be enough to correct it. Nothing can undo what his son went through because he was unable to prevent it.

"It doesn't matter," he replies, straightening, "Sidious is here. We're about to end this conflict for good."

"The more strength the Empire gains, the more damage it will cause the galaxy," Vader warns. He knows it will be as difficult for his son to see that as it was for him, but he's not going to let that stop him. He's done that for too long before.

"Why did you return?"

"Come with me," he requests, "You do not have to remain with Sidious. We can form our own destiny now. We can do it together."

"There's only one way on, Father. You tried to show me that. I didn't see it until after. The Empire is the only way to restore peace."

"Not with Sidious as it's leader."

There's a long, awkward moment of quiet again. "You changed your armor," Luke says finally, "And you sound far more... real."

"We spoke of making these changes together, once."

"You could have done it earlier," Luke argues.

"Sidious would not allow it."

"He would –"

"He's lying to you," Vader interrupts, "Do not underestimate the extent of his power of manipulation." How did he not stop this? How was he so unable, so helpless to prevent it?

"He means to help."

"I believed that, once, as well. It was a lie."

"We can help people only if we have the resources to do so," Luke argues.

"We cannot help, when the ability to do so has been taken from us." More like when we're too broken to do so, he thinks bitterly, but he will never tell Luke that. He won't dare speak openly of how damaged he is. Not even to his own son. Especially not to his children – they can't know. They – they can't – it's his job to protect them to the end.

"The rebels can hardly help themselves."

"I had not wanted to see it," he says, stepping closer. It had been hard, but he hadn't been able to deny it once he was living in it. It's just jarring how much their roles have reversed. Luke thought the way he now does. He once thought the way Luke now does. "But in all that is ravaging the galaxy, there are a small number that still take care for what is right."

Luke looks at him in near disbelief. "Is that what this is about? Right didn't stop you all this time."

He wasn't like this before. He never was. And the knowledge that... Luke thinks that makes it hurt worse. Leia has been telling him to let it go, to move past it, because many have done beyond terrible things for the Rebellion. Many have done things just as bad, if not worse, before fighting the Empire. That never is enough to end the crushing guilt. But he is a monster, and Luke is not wrong about that, and Vader cannot refute that point – maybe he once was a monster of Sidious and Obi-Wan's making, but now he's one of his own. Now, it's only himself to hold him back, too afraid to let it go.

Too uncertain that he can.

"Everything I did was for what I thought was right." Except for when I was too afraid to fight back.

"Was it?"

"Do not do this, Luke." He can't say how desperate he is over this. He could never put to words the fear overtaking him, the knowledge that if he doesn't do this right, just this once, he could lose his son forever.

"There is no other way it can be."

He thought the same way, once. "I once thought as you do. There is still – time. We can leave together." Was this how Padme felt? He has to wonder – it's too similar, far too similar, and all he can do is hope, hope that Luke will listen to him, and he won't stay until it's too late like Vader himself nearly did.

"We can't," Luke argues. "We cannot leave the Empire."

"It is not too late," he insists, "It wasn't for me."

"Perhaps it's that I don't want to leave like you did," he replies.

Don't say that, he wants to beg, but he knows it's... likely, even, that Sidious has made Luke believe that. He had, for a long time, too. It hadn't mattered how badly he wanted to be away, because he had a duty, and it was the same with the Jedi. Luke had... cared for the galaxy as well, but it was different. He hadn't lived the same life Anakin did. He had a family. He was raised well – he was never a slave.

Not until Vader left him, anyway. He is now.

And Vader has absolutely no idea what to tell him. He often feels lost when it comes to his children, but never quite so desperately so – right now, it feels as though he's drowning, unable to find a way to get back to shore. To get back to... anything, no semblance of light or calm or grounding – when has he ever been those things? – or to be any of what Luke needs right now.

"Son," he argues – he doesn't sound quite as emotionless as it once did, though it wouldn't have mattered if he did, because he knows Luke can feel his desperation in the Force far more than he could with his ears. "I once wished to believe Sidious had the interest of the galaxy in mind, but he does not. All that I have done – all that I have caused, I did for you. Don't walk the same path I did."

"I haven't been looking for you to argue about this," Luke says finally, firmly, "I wanted you, to bring you back to where you belonged."

"We could have been, together," he replies. His belonging is with Leia, Ahsoka, Rex, Han, (Obi-Wan), "It was Sidious who took that from both of us."

"I knew you were planning to betray him for a long time," Luke replies slowly, but Vader gets the distinct impression that he's probing for something, searching for answers. "Sidious told me of your struggles with loyalty."

Vader dodges the point altogether, because he doesn't know what to say – it's true. Sidious had made a point to him about that countless times throughout his apprenticeship. He has never truly been loyal to Sidious. He's questioning his ability to be loyal to anyone, to be able to... do good to anyone. Even if sometimes when he was with the Rebellion, he would wonder – if he could, on occasion, help. But in the end, it's never enough to reverse everything he caused. "What happened to you?" he demands roughly. "You were – meant to leave. What happened?"

"I was slowed down. Somehow, Tarkin saw it coming and he... intercepted me. They captured me, and he took me to Coruscant amidst the chaos."

"I should have protected you." Except no matter how many times he says it, it will never undo what he did, just as it never has. Regrets never changed what he did to Leia, or Ahsoka, even if Leia has forgiven him for it. It certainly has not for Obi-Wan.

"You've changed," Luke realizes. "You used to be the one trying to tell me that the Empire was right."

"The Empire, perhaps, but the system is of no benefit if those in charge misuse it."

He steps closer to Luke, hesitant, aching for nothing more than to pull his son into his arms. He can't do that when he's in binders, though.

Luke's mix of love and frustration are pouring into the Force in waves. He resents Vader for leaving him, as well as he should, but he still loves him, and that is all something Vader himself is so, so accustomed to. He feels the same towards Obi-Wan.

What he does know, is that Luke has been searching the galaxy for him. Countless bounty hunters have tried coming after Vader, and all failed, of course. But that desperation to have him back, to be with him is something Vader understands so deeply. He just never thought there would be anyone who felt that way towards him. It was always Vader, or Anakin, who spent his life chasing, trying to be noticed and loved. It was never... the other way around. It makes him regret not coming back sooner.

There are a few heartbeats of silence before Luke reaches out, lightly rouching his forearm. "I missed you."

His heart twists painfully. "And I, you, my son."

"Then we can stay together," he requests, and Vader can sense – and hear – a small amount of desperation there. It's so unfair that he was with his family, trying to rebuild, when his son was on the other side of the galaxy, alone. "We can restore peace and order to the galaxy."

It's simply instinctive how he wants to give in and say yes. He wants to stay with Luke, aches to... give him everything. To make him find peace. It's his and Padme's child, but Vader failed him, too – not as if he could even be surprised by that. The one thing he knew when he first found out about Luke is that somehow, failure would be inevitable.

"I will not become Sidious's slave again," he replies firmly, begging the Force that it be true, just this once. He can't go back. This is what Leia warned him of. If he came back, it would be so, so much harder to walk away again. It was hard, as it was, knowing that he left Sidious, even if his master lied to and betrayed him. Even if his master did... everything he did to him.

"You were never his slave!" Luke argues vehemently.

What Sidious has done to his son in his absence, Vader has no idea – he would never have told his son with such bluntness of the nature of his relationship with his master, but he knows what it was. He always has, because he could never miss the shame, the humiliation, the hatred and fear that he always has had towards his masters. Except it's different with Sidious – it's always different with Sidious – because at least his master had a reason to treat him like that.

Luke doesn't know any of it though. He doesn't know that Vader has never been anything other than a slave, that he has not once tasted freedom. Since the Death Star, he had been free, but burdened enough by his choices, his failures, that there was no way for him to find peace.

"Such is the role of the apprentice," Vader reminds. "To learn. To serve. To give."

"You wanted to make me your apprentice for a while," Luke throws back.

A surge of shame curls inside him, sharp and cold and cutting. "It would not have been... as such," he objects, "And I could never have... taught you the way he taught me. I could never truly make you a Sith."

"But he has."

What was your sacrifice? What did you give? Vader doesn't ask him those questions for all that he wants to. "It should not have been you."

"I am not what you remember, either." Vader can't clearly see the yellow of his son's eyes, but he can tell they are. It's so wrong to see – Luke's eyes were such a brilliant blue before, and he's suddenly grateful he can't see colors clearly, because he doesn't want to see this. "I'll take you to Sidious. He'll make you understand."

That's when it strikes him for the very first time, that for all that he could easily free himself and leave if he wanted, he won't. He won't leave Luke a second time and... he's a prisoner. He's helpless here. He's at his son's mercy, and he does not fear Luke – if his son deemed him deserving of pain, he could never fight against it, because he knows he does – but he does fear Sidious. He knew if they were captured, they would meet a fate far worse than death. But Sidious is a nightmare far worse than anything his own mind could come up with. Sidious is the one who could take them apart in countless ways if he wanted to.

Vader understands the... dangers of returning to Sidious. Leia had warned him of them. He believed it, but perhaps he... never truly considered how hard it would be. Between them both, Vader has little doubt they will... find a way to force him to stay, through whatever means it may be. But he did not come here to run away. He's here to stay, and if he dies... so be it.

He does not fear death. Death is a mercy.

He only fears leaving Leia, and what it will do to her.

But either way, the point still stands – he won't leave. "If it is what you wish," he replies, softly. Regrets change nothing, but he still finds himself wishing.

At least he tried. He had to try to save Luke. It doesn't matter what happens to him.

Luke is studying him in silence, frowning, uncertain. Vader suspects he doesn't know how to handle this anymore than he himself does. "Then come," he says, opening the door with the Force.

And for all the stars in the galaxy, Vader hopes that Sidious won't get the win in this, not again. Else, he'll be back right where he started.

***

Anxiety is twisting inside him, gnawing him apart from the inside out – not as if there's much left inside him. Sidious and Obi-Wan made sure of that long ago. He doesn't know what his... former master will do to him now, but he was brought back here – Luke brought him here – and he can't leave.

He won't leave.

But the fear of seeing Sidious again, face-to-face, is overwhelming. It's blinding. But he knows Sidious will use that fear against him. He doesn't know what to do with it all – that fear of being ripped apart again, of seeing Luke turn on him, of losing the family he just finished recreating, of having to confront Leia again because he wasn't strong enough to fight back against Sidious.

"He's here, Master," Luke says, bowing.

"At last." He shudders at Sidious's voice. It haunts his dreams, but Vader had hoped – foolishly – that he would be able to escape, and he would never have to see his former master again. The Sith Master is seated atop his throne at the front of the room.

"It has been a long time, my friend." His presence is still the same sickening darkness. He thought fighting for the Rebellion would bring him a sense of freedom, but now that he is back here, he already feels as though he's right back where he began. Instincts are kicking in, demanding that he surrender and submit himself to his master's will, to lessen the pain he knows will come. "Can I trust you not to betray us again?" Sidious asks in a completely feigned, chiding tone that makes his skin crawl. Vader knows exactly how fake it is.

"I am here upon my son's bidding," he responds.

Sidious makes an annoyed sound – at least Vader thinks it was meant to be interpreted as annoyance. "Then your restraints will temporarily remain."

Vader doesn't respond to that – everyone knows they serve no purpose, aside from Sidious trying to rub it in his face that he's helpless against him, which he already understands. Right now, right here, he isn't sure Luke would defend him if Sidious tried to punish him. Though he doubts his master will do that in his son's presence, he has no guarantee.

"What have you done to yourself?" Sidious asks, irked.

Vader looks down at himself – his armor looks red to him, because they weren't able to find the technology to fully change his helmet, no matter how much Leia insisted. And his eyes are sensitive to light. His visor filters it out, but he still feels ridiculously smug at how his armor is no longer the same as what Sidious rebuilt him into. "I have no regrets," Vader tells him, dryly.

"Such ungratefulness you still have," Sidious hisses. "I saved you. I brought you back when all had cast you out, thrown up aside. I never betrayed you. Then you mistreat all I have given to you?"

He's accustomed to the knowledge that his body isn't his own – Sidious has rubbed that in his face many times over, and he knew it long, long before. He has known it his whole life, but that doesn't stop the sudden guilt he feels. No. he has nothing to feel guilt for, not with Sidious. "I merely reclaimed what had once been taken from me."

Sidious is studying him in silence, seeing through him, seeing things Vader himself likely does not. His former master has always been that way. "Indeed?" he queries, standing and approaching them.

He can't think about anything short of how badly he doesn't want to be here. But in truth, he has not changed much since he left the Empire. He was willing to sacrifice the Death Star and all aboard to get himself and his son to safety. It was only in the aftermath of the explosion, when he was thrown off-balance form feeling the death, that Obi-Wan and Leia were able to get him off Alderaan before the Empire arrived.

Sometimes, staying quiet is the best he can do, and that's what Vader does. He says nothing, merely waiting, watching.

It would be best to let Sidious make the first move, just this once.

Perhaps.

"I am willing to overlook all that you have caused, if you return to us," Sidious tells him. He's much shorter than Vader, but somehow, it still feels like he's towering over him. Years ago, Obi-Wan had always complained about Anakin's ego – what he never knew was that there was none. Vader has always been there – at the bottom of society, never doubting or questioning his place there. Anakin never knew ought of dignity that Obi-Wan himself so proudly preached of. It would be impossible for him to understand. All he did was fought to be seen, to be remembered, to be loved, until he finally, finally understood that none of those things were meant for him.

Because there's only... him.

There's only Vader.

And his blinding, burning out care of doing what's best for the galaxy.

That, and his need to serve and make it right and keep those who matter most safe. He cannot call it... love. He doesn't think he's capable of such, not anymore, if he ever has been.

But he promised Leia he would return, and he doesn't intend to break that if he has a choice. (When has that happened?)

"No," he replies firmly, standing ground.

And here he is again, lost, drowning in shame. It always rounds back here, becomes full circle, back where he started. He's back where he started, kneeling in the dust, drowning in blood.

"You will," Sidious replies, smirking. He looks... smug about something. Knowing. He's been planning for this. "You only have one place in the galaxy, my friend. With us. You can only pretend for so long that you have a place among your Rebel friends.

"You will die soon," Vader tells him, with equal snugness.

"Do you refer to the imminent attack of your Rebel friends?" Sidious inquires mockingly, "A squad of our best troops have been sent to deal with your friends on the Endor moon."

He knows Sidious knew when he sensed him. He only... fears what will happen to Leia and to everyone else, though he is certain in his daughter's ability to protect herself. That doesn't mean it'll be enough in the face of what Sidious has planned.

Vader doesn't outwardly react. He's good at remaining unresponsive now, no matter what is occurring. "You will not always win, Sidious."

His former master has paced back to his throne now, sitting back down. "Is this how you repay loyalty, Lord Vader? I spared your life. I saved you, rebuilt you after the Jedi cast you aside."

"Perhaps I would have remained grateful to you, had you permitted me to die," he replies. Maybe it's too blunt.

"Father," Luke speaks for the first time. He's angry. Perhaps hurt as well. "Would you prefer us not have spent the time together that we did?"

"Ah, yes. Your son," Sidious adds, "You know, had I known of him, I would have permitted you to train him. To keep him."

Vader cannot believe that. He cannot accept that the pain he's been living in, everything he has struggled with throughout the years of knowing his son, was nothing. That it was false. "Do not lie to me."

"It is the Jedi who have lied to you, and you who chose to believe them. We are about to end this insignificant Rebellion and restore the full power of the Empire. I'm afraid the deflector shield will be quite operational when the Rebel Fleet attacks."

"Do you believe that enough to stop them? No power in the galaxy is enough to bend the will of the Force."

That's when he senses the first flare of raw, blinding, fury from Sidious. He braces himself instantly for lightning, but it doesn't come. Sidious is holding back because of Luke. His son truly believes that the Sith Master is doing this for good rather than his own power, doesn't he? Sidious had done the same to Anakin, once. Vader just believed his own son strong enough not to fall victim to it. "We shall see."

Through the Force, Vader senses Obi-Wan and Ahsoka exit hyperspace. They're here now, and at the worst time.

"Come, my friend," Sidious adds, gesturing to the window. "From here, you can see the battle as it commences."

He can feel it more than he needs to see, and Sidious knows that. His eyes were damaged, not past the point of use, but he can't see as clearly as he once could. His former master knows that. But the helplessness is grating on him. He's accustomed to it, but – but this is different.

"You can stop this," Luke reminds, touching his arm. Had it been anyone else, Vader would have shaken it off, but he can imagine the touch, feather-light on his arm, and he wishes he could feel it, but Obi-Wan took that from him. "Tell them to stand down, and we'll have no reason to kill them. I know you don't want them to die."

He promised Leia he would come back. He can't break that promise. (It's not as though it would be the first promise he has ever broken.)

Memories of Jabi'im linger in the back of his mind, the burning pain of Obi-Wan's lightsaber cutting through his skin, the fear of suffocating there, alone on a desolate moon, because his body was too badly broken to breathe on his own.

And nothing that has happened to him can compare to Mustafar.

Yes, he is more... afraid of facing Obi-Wan again than he is Sidious. Or maybe it's just that he wants Obi-Wan more than Sidious. Obi-Wan raised him. They... had something, once, even if Vader isn't... that person anymore.

"I cannot," he replies. The emotion in his voice is hidden, at least, but Vader knows the Sith will be feeling – feeding on – his pain anyway. He knows he can't be better than he is. He stopped trying years ago, after Mustafar, but he has always... meant it well. He still does.

But Luke wants him, and it's the first time someone has asked him this. He craves for the days when his son was younger, when he was a child, too little to understand the intricacies of the galaxy. Ahsoka had been the same way, once. But Luke should never have had to grow up so fast, and they should have... stayed together.

Luke should never have had to spend so long without him.

"Father," Luke says, looking up at him, meeting his gaze through Vader's mask. "How can you throw away a chance of us staying together?"

"Son," he rasps, finally twisting off his binders, letting them fall to the floor. He lays his hand over Luke's holding it tightly. "Do not ask this of me. You know I cannot refuse."

"You can't leave me again." There's a silent plea in his eyes now.

Pain lances deeply through his heart. Vader raises his hand to his son's cheek. Nothing can undo what happened. Nothing could undo Malachor, either. Nothing he did could change that Ahsoka found him worthy of death. It's... not as though he could deny that fact anymore.

Luke should have been given better than this. Should have been given better than him.

"Forgive me, little one. I should not have... gone."

"Then stay."

"If I truly wished to leave, do you believe you could stop me?" Vader asks. "Many have tried."

He wishes there was something he could do to end this, but this is truly the Rebellion's only chance of winning and restoring peace. Because there will be no other way of bringing peace to the galaxy. He may have thought otherwise once, but he was wrong. The Rebellion may not have had resources, but they... see the corruption in the Empire. And mostly, they were the only way for Vader to find a way out that he so desperately needed. He wishes he had never tried – every time he tries, his life spirals farther downhill. He knows it will now, too.

But even so, he could not have waited. It would have ended the Rebellion's only chance at victory and... it would have further endangered both his children.

Leia is capable, if anyone is. Vader has no doubt she will find a way to destroy the generator. She's much like Padme and... himself in that way.

Vader is accustomed to tuning himself out, which is what he has to do, as Sidious continues speaking, trying to convince him to rejoin the Empire. He cannot let this Sith get through to him. He craves, more than anything, to end this, but he cannot... let it come to the cost that he knows it will. He wants nothing more than to make sure Obi-Wan and Ahsoka are safe.

No. He has to wait. Obi-Wan will be... angry if he thinks Vader betrayed them. He has mentioned it before. He didn't believe, for a long time, that Vader had truly changed.

Vader himself hadn't entirely believed he had for a long time.

He just... waits. And waits.

He hates waiting.

People are dying, and it's inevitable, but every moment of it, every life lost, is on him. Just another to add to the infinite numbers, another to add to the blood already on his hands.

He can't leave Luke, but he can't turn on Leia and the Rebellion, either.

He loves them both so much.

And he cannot let Sidious find out about Leia, either.

He won't react, until he senses the danger growing closer, nearer. Then, he will do... whatever he has to if it means getting Luke out to safety.

Which is anything.

He cannot – will not – let his son die.

***

If only it had been that simple.

It's not.

He would have lashed out with the Force when the danger came, if Sidious hadn't felt it and realized what it meant first.

There was nothing they could do about the Death Star, but the Sith didn't hesitate to save himself. He just took Luke with him, and by default, Vader.

He wishes he had stayed behind on the Death Star. He promised Leia. He promised her, and now he has no idea when he'll see her again. All he does know is that the longer he stays here, the more he's... slipping. Losing focus. Losing track of reality versus illusion.

The same thing happened back when he first embraced the Dark Side, and now it feels like it's about to happen again, not as though he truly let it go.

But it would be hard to be anything except dark when he's chained to the wall of a much-too-dark room that's directly attached to the Emperor's quarters. He's a prisoner now, and here, it's more fear than anything else that's keeping him trapped.

Despite all the pain he's endured, the fear of there being more is still enough to stop him, to make him give up on any thoughts of making it out.

"I don't want to leave you here," Luke tells him, sullenly. He doesn't look happy.

Sidious just finished telling Vader the same thing. He's not sure how long it has been since he... rested, but it must have been a long while if the exhaustion nagging at him is anything to go by. It's been a day, maybe two, maybe more, since the Death Star, since he last saw Leia and Rex and Han. Or maybe it's just that he's exhausted from his near-panic attack at Sidious touching him so much, so long. He didn't... hurt him.

Clearly, his master finds it more enthralling to make him fear it this time.

Vader certainly doesn't. He would much rather Sidious finish whatever it is he's planning so he could stop fearing it constantly, ceaselessly. Fear is a constant part of his life, but he loathes it. Being trapped here with nothing to do and nothing to see beyond these dark walls is already getting to him.

"Luke," he murmurs, leaning against the wall. He can't move around very much, anyway. It's strange to have not been standing for so long. He only wishes that this weren't so... like this. If all he will see is Sidious and Luke, he doesn't know how long he will be able to hold out.

He promised Leia, and he cannot break that promise.

"Join us," his son repeats, "And it can be like it always was."

Luke doesn't understand this. He thinks – he thinks Vader is just trying to hurt him, to be stubborn, but that's not... It's the last thing he wants to be responsible for. "I do not... I cannot serve the Empire any longer." He reaches up, hands jerking against the chains binding his wrists. Idly, he wonders if he could break free if he really, truly tried. Just like on the Death Star – it's very hard to hold him with his strength. That doesn't mean he'll try. Sidious will be angry if he does.

Luke reaches back after a pause, taking his hand. He comes closer, crouching in front of him. There's a sort of... devastation in his son's presence, as if he finally realized his dreams – whatever they may be – are fruitless.

That they can, and will, never happen.

And he loathes himself for being responsible for this. Luke deserves better. Leia deserved better. All of them do but he can't... he can't serve everyone at once. He always tried, until it burned him out to nothingness, and now he can only... stop trying.

"I do not mean to... do this to you," he continues, fingers tightening. He can feel pressure more than he used to. It's easier to... know whether he's damaging whatever he's holding. "The only... hope for the galaxy is to be torn down and remade."

"You told me that too many would die that way. That everything would plunge into chaos."

"Yes." He wishes he had seen it sooner. He should have... ended this years ago. He should have... removed Sidious before he grew so powerful. He would never give up the time he spent with his children for anything, and yet...

"Why?" Luke asks, shaking his head, "Why did you do this? Why did you... become like this?"

Vader looks away, unable to meet his gaze. Guilt is strangling him, gnawing at him. He should have... something. Anything.

"Or is it your guilt over the Death Star?"

Possibly. He doesn't know. "I cannot... do it," he repeats instead. He doesn't think he can keep saying this, though. Doesn't think he'll be able to hold on much longer. He can't think of Leia much, either, because Sidious could realize something more is fueling him. Even with Ahsoka and Rex and everyone.

He hasn't... apologized in a very long time, and he doesn't know how to anymore. Luke leans forwards, wrapping his arms around Vader, who returns it immediately. It's been a very long time since he was able to... hold his son like this. He only wishes it were under different circumstances.

He has no idea how long he'll be trapped here with only them to give him company. He has... no protests with being so close with Luke, but with Sidious...

Nothing makes sense now, any more than it ever has.

He highly suspects the Rebellion might try to find him again, assuming they don't believe he betrayed them. He fears how long it will be before that concern becomes legitimate. Sidious has ways of getting what he wants, and between him and Luke...

He should probably have listened to Leia. Maybe. At least he has Luke back.

... But for how long?