Work Text:
'Excuse me, are you lost?'
The words were familiar to me; soothing, ingrained in my mind as though spoken by a close friend - in a way, they were - or, they would be.
I ran my fingers over the inside of my wrist as I walked, over the words that would be the first my soulmate would ever say to me. How many times had I laid awake staring at those words? Enough that I could see them clearly in my mind's eye now with little effort.
The words were precious to me, but simultaneously made my stomach twist in distress and frustration. My thoughts were fixated on my master, Asra, back at the shop. Despite everything, I was drawn to him like a planet in his orbit whenever he was near. But all the wishing in the world couldn't change the past - the words weren't his. My missing memories were a painful point, but I vaguely remembered my earliest memory - of waking up to Asra and Faust, the gentle way he said my name, eyes wide and uncertain and oh so hopeful.
"Are you all right?" I glanced around at the shopkeeper, who was staring at me in concern from their stall at the side of the road. Not the right words, and I shook my head.
"I'm fine, thank you."
It was too painful being around Asra right now. Too painful being at home wishing he would look at me in the way that I looked at him. I'd tried to get a glimpse of his own soulmate mark before, but he'd always kept it covered by a band around his wrist.
Too distraught to stay home, I'd taken to meandering around the roads of Vesuvia as though lost, hoping to be called up on it. If I found my soulmate, I could move on. I tried to ignore the pained wince I caught from Asra as I got ready to leave every morning, trying to mask my disappointment every evening when I returned home. He never asked, never even discussed what I was doing, even though it was evident that he knew.
Maybe I was wasting my time; I had no idea if my soulmate was even in Vesuvia, though it wasn't like I could leave. Even if I felt physically able to leave, which I didn't, I wasn't ready to leave Asra behind like that. He said it was too dangerous to travel with him, and I couldn't ask him to bring me with him so that I could find my soulmate. I wanted to travel with him to stay by his side. Anything else felt so wrong it hurt.
Unbidden, my feet had taken me to the docks, and I slumped onto a nearby bench with a tired sigh. I wanted to give up for the day, my feet aching and my mind tired, but I wasn't ready to go home yet. I wasn't prepared to face that confused, painful longing that reared its desperate head whenever I was around my master. I didn't know what I wanted other than to make those stupid words belong to him.
"Excuse me, are you lost?"
"Himyname'sRyan!"
I'd spent so long rehearsing what I might say when I finally - finally - heard those words. Ultimately I was on my feet and yelling out ... that ... before my brain had even caught up with what was happening. I blinked at Asra, confused, wondering when my soulmate had vanished, and he had appeared in their place.
Asra's eyes were wide with surprise before, bizarrely, filling with tears.
"I know your name." His voice was choked as he said it, looking like he wanted to say something else, but my brain had caught up with what had happened by then.
"That was mean, Asra." I glared at him before turning to head home, knowing he was following but planning on locking myself away from him in the bedroom until I'd cooled down. I didn't know what I was angrier with him for; that moment I'd thought I might finally have found my soulmate or that moment I had stupidly hoped that he might still be the one.
Asra didn't say anything to me until we were home, until the door to the shop was closed behind us, and he gently caught my sleeve to pull me to a stop.
"Ryan, I know your name."
"You're mocking me," I protested, flicking him off.
"No! I know your name because my parents taught me to write it beside my own." Confusion cut through my anger and embarrassment, and I turned back to see him pulling that band off of his wrist. "I've known your name my whole life."
He held his wrist out to me, and I stepped forward to finally see.
'Himyname'sRyan!'
I was too confused even to remain embarrassed about it right now.
"But that would mean..."
"I'm your soulmate." Asra gently cupped my face between his hands as I stared at him hopefully.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because I couldn't risk hurting you." Tears had slipped free from his eyes. I wanted to brush them away, but my chest hurt badly, my heart twisting painfully like it was in the unrelenting grasp of an icy cold hand. "I couldn't watch you going out every day, looking for your soulmate. It hurt so much I had to say something. I'm so sorry..."
"So, you,,,"
"I love you." Asra's voice was firm, leaving me no room for any doubt, "Ryan, I love you so much."
My heart was pounding so painfully in my chest that it felt like it was trying to get out and reach him, and I let out a cry as I stumbled, Asra's arms the only thing keeping me from plummeting to the floor. I could hear him saying something, but I couldn't make out his words no matter how I strained my ears. I could barely feel Asra lowering me to the ground, was only aware that the next thing I knew, I was lying on his nest of pillows in the reading room, my head on his lap as he brushed my sweat-damp hair back from my face with trembling fingers.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, and I could feel hot tears on my cheek that I realised with a start were his as much as mine.
"No-"
"I have to make you forget again."
"No!"
I clutched tightly to his shirt, his sleeves, wherever I could reach. Somewhere I knew he was right, knew I wouldn't survive this pain. But I also knew I wouldn't survive going back to how things were before, back to the pain I felt thinking he wasn't my soulmate, back to seeking who else might be even while my heart and mind and body screamed that I was betraying him.
"I'm sorry."
"Please-"
His fingers stroked my forehead, and I felt his magic washing over me in a cool soothing wave - the last thing I was aware of as my heart began to steady and unconsciousness claimed me.
***
I awoke in bed, looking around in confusion. I'd been at the docks, hadn't I? How had I ended up here?
I felt movement on the pillow near my head, and looked around to see Faust curled up, watching me, before the bed dipped as Asra took a seat on the edge, watching me with sad eyes.
"How are you feeling?" he asked me softly, hand resting on my forehead and pushing my hair back from my face, checking my temperature as he did so.
"Tired," I told him honestly. "What happened? I was at the docks, I think?"
"I found you asleep on the bench." Asra couldn't meet my eyes as he said it, pulling his hand back from my face, and I felt my fingers twitch as I longed to reach for him, to draw his hands back onto me. "I brought you home. I had to take your binder off. I'm sorry."
"It's fine." I hated sleeping in it, and I'd never been bothered by the thought of Asra seeing my body, especially seeing as he'd bathed me at the beginning when I couldn't even walk or talk without his help. "Thank you for taking such good care of me."
Asra flinched at that, Faust gently squeezing his shoulders as he stood up from the edge of the bed as though it had burned him.
"I should go downstairs and take care of the shop," he said quickly, despite that the sky outside the window was dark and the shop must have been closed. "Get some rest and call me if you feel unwell."
"Asra-" I tried to reach for his hand, but my fingers only brushed against his own as he swept out of the room without looking back, leaving me alone in the bed with my thoughts.
***
The crowds swarming Vesuvia's streets were thick - between the entertainers, the vendors, the travellers, the tourists, the locals - it was impossible to get anywhere without being swept away as though by a tide. But everybody moved with purpose, even if that purpose was just to get lost within the city, to enjoy everything the Count's birthday celebrations had to offer. It made the young man stand out even more as he shrank back away from the crowds, looking as though he actually was lost. He skirted around the areas with the fewest people, peering into the crowds as though looking for somebody while appearing to try to make himself as small as possible.
Asra had been watching the man from the corner of his eye since he'd spotted him through the crowds, enough so that Faust had poked her head out of his sleeve to see what had got his attention and almost scared off the woman he was currently trying to sell a mask to (thankfully she'd found the snake quite charming).
The woman eventually left, an ox mask under her arm, and Asra finally found himself free to approach the young man. He was still there, near the railing that overlooked the dock though his eyes remained fixed on the crowds. He was bouncing on the balls of his feet, hands flapping, humming anxiously. The magician hesitated, uncertain how to help, before he finally stepped close enough to talk to him.
"Excuse me, are you lost?"
The effect was immediate, the man straightening up as though he'd been electrocuted before spinning round to face him so fast he might have toppled onto the docks if the railing hadn't been there.
"Himyname'sRyan!" The words battered against him so suddenly he needed to take a step back to take them in, and he saw the colour drain from the man's face as he realised what he'd said, before his pale cheeks flushed deep red for only a moment before he buried his face in his hands. "Oh. Oh no."
But Asra felt his heart almost stop as it sunk in for him what the other man had just said, before the excitement built, and his smile spread so wide across his face it hurt.
"You are! You're Ryan!" The man peered at him from between his fingers, and Asra held up his arm for him to see, seeing his eyes widen with shock before he held his hand out to him, beaming when Ryan gingerly accepted it. "I'm so excited to meet you!"
Ryan jolted in surprise, and looking down, Asra could see it was because Faust had slipped out of his sleeve once more to explore their joined hands with curiosity. He didn't flinch when her tongue darted out to taste his hand, before she disappeared back into Asra's sleeve, her curiosity apparently sated.
Asra watched as Ryan regarded the crowds warily, following his gaze before gently tugging at his hand to get his attention.
"Do you want to find somewhere a little quieter?" he asked him softly. "I can show you all my favourite places to hide away."
There was relief in his eyes when he nodded, and Asra smiled as he turned to drag him away from the crowds, feeling Faust's excitement somewhere in his clothes as they prepared to spirit his soulmate away to their most secret of places.