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It was the third day in a row that you found yourself staring down at a letter in your hand whist trying desperately to force your attention back to breakfast. There was something that nagged at you as you read the words over again, as if they would change if you read them once more.
“I’ve never seen someone look so forlorn reading a love letter.” Your gaze was dragged up to the friend beside you who was looking at you like you’d turned up to the Great hall in your pyjamas. You’d opted to sit with Imelda in the hopes that her aura alone would drive away this new wave of interest, but alas the new letter in your hands was as real as the last. You weren’t even sure why they bothered you so much.
“What’s got you so down this morning?” The space beside you was promptly filled by the last person you wanted to see right now, though as for why you weren’t sure. Something about his presence whilst you were lamenting over love letters just drove you up the wall. When you didn’t respond, however, the boy to your right opted to tug the letter out of your hands, negating any sense of privacy he might have thought about respecting. This caught your attention, drawing your eyes from their cast down position and over to his as they skimmed the page. His expression faltered for a moment, before his gaze lifted to meet you own, recoiling slightly at the intense way your eyes were watching him.
“You’ve got a love letter?” There was something in his voice that you couldn’t decipher, but your mind was too busy reeling about the letter.
“Several actually…” You groaned as you pulled the last few letters from your robe pocket, all crumbled and dishevelled to represent your distaste towards them. Sebastian moved to rifle through a few of them as Ominis joined the group, sitting himself across from the three of you. Imelda had a strange look of entertainment written on her face, as if she knew something you didn’t.
“And this is an issue because-?..” You picked up a random letter from you pile, dragging you eyes over the words once again.
“They’re all so… disingenuous? It’s like they’ve all decided I’d be the perfect boost to their egos and they haven’t even thought to figure out who I am. Three of them don’t even have my name on, just some variation of ‘the hero of Hogwarts’…” The last year had certainly given you a reputation, and despite the fact that you didn’t think of yourself as one of the most desirable people in your year, having such a title as ‘saviour’ garnered a little more interest than you would like.
“It just kind of ruins love letters for me, you know…” The three bodies around you watched as your shoulders dropped as your voice came out in a strained murmur, clearly affected by such a small thing. The pair of boys knew the last year hadn’t been easy on any of them, but especially you, and you had earned the right to be put out by the little things.
“You want love letters?” Ominis’s voice brought your gaze back up from the table, the sad look that had been creeping over your features replaced with a light blush.
“I don’t know… There’s something so beautiful about the written word, being able to perfect exactly what you want to say to a person and then have it forever more… That sounds kind of stupid now I say it out loud.” The body beside you should his head vigorously enough that even the blind boy in front of him knew how quickly he had responded.
“If anyone can understand the wonders of the written word, it’s the son of two professors. You’re right, these are shit!” His reaction was a little too responsive, but it elicited a small laugh from you which made it hard for him to hide the look of pride now gracing his features.
“I’d rather a guy just suck up his pride and say it to my face.” Imelda’s comments were always rather blunt, but you appreciated that. You nodded along, lightly thinking over the notion.
“I suppose that makes these letters alright. I’d much rather ignore some silly bits of paper than have to turn down all these overconfident idiots.” You tossed the letter that had remained in your grip onto the pile before pulling out your wand and muttering incendio, watching as the things that had tormented you for the last few days shrivelled up into nothing more than cinders on your plate. You let out a satisfied hum before finally allowing yourself to enjoy the enormous breakfast spread out in front of you.
***
Your eyes skimmed over the words again and again, but this time it was because you couldn’t believe your eyes. The paper clenched between your fingers was held as gently as you could, not daring to crease the delicate material. You could feel the heat in your cheeks, harsh enough to warm the candles floating above you. Your name was written at the top of the page, proceeded by ‘My Dearest,’ in the most intricate cursive you’d seen in a while.
-
I could not help but notice the influx of letters you had received, and to be honest with you, all I can feel when I see you look so dismayed is the need to give you the comfort you deserve.
I will speak only the truth, including the jealousy which plagues me when I think about you with anyone but me. And then all I can think about is holding you in my arms and keeping you all for myself. I admit I am quite selfish with my wishes, but one must allow themselves such indulgences.
I want your eyes to see only mine, your hands to hold only mine and your heart to be only mine.
You deserve the whole world, and though I do not deserve you I would do everything in my power to give it to you. There is music in your laughter and the light of the moon in your eyes that infatuates me, but also keeps me at a distance I wish was not between us.
For now all I can muster is this letter, and though I crave to say this to you in person, I must refrain from such events for the sake of my own heart should it give out in my chest under your rejection.
Yours even if you are not mine,
Your Secret Admirer x
-
You let out a yelp as you felt a hand against your shoulder, the concerned eyes of Poppy Sweeting meeting your own. You pressed the letter into your chest, half in reflex and half to keep the words only for yourself. You struggled to keep the smile from stretching across your lips, the words repeating themselves over and over. It was small, and the words didn’t go much into detail other than your voice and your eyes, but it was so lovely to read admiration describing anything but your ‘achievements and unique looks’. Whether they were compliments you had yet to decipher, but it all meant very little compared to this new letter. Perhaps this made the rest of the nonsense worth it, just for a single moment of appreciation.
“Another letter?” Sebastian’s voice floats out from behind you, and for just a second you picture him sat at his desk, bathed in the light of a lamp writing the beautiful words held against your chest. But a single glance over at the man as he situates himself beside you shows no knowledge of the contents of such a letter, and the small flame of hope in your chest diminishes. But either way, there was someone out there who felt these things about you, and that brought the grin back to your face as you tried to desperately to seem calm.
You just nodded in response to the boy, not trusting your voice to not squeal like a lovesick child, though in your defence at that moment you were. You gently folded the letter and placed in a pocket on the inside of you robes before your conniving friend could get his hands on it and ruin the magic in it.
“Looks like it’s better than the last few.” The teasing look in Sebastian’s eye earned him a roll of your own eyes before you move to grab your goblet, taking a sip in the hopes of distracting yourself of the thoughts beginning to plague your mind. You glanced over at the student body in the room, hoping to catch a glimpse of wandering, expectant eyes, but you got nothing in return but the view of people starting to leave the hall in droves. You jumped up from your seat, shocking the pair either side of you.
“Look at that, it’s time for potions! Where has Ominis got to?” You pushed yourself out from between the table and bench and made a beeline to wherever Sebastian had left Ominis sat on the Slytherin table. You found the boy, glad to have a walking companion that would not pester you about your morning, and walked with him arm in arm to class so you could lose yourself in meaningless blabber which usually distracted the boy too much to walk straight whilst he tried to follow your mindless string of conversation.
You almost found yourself regretting your decisions as you entered the classroom and realised you had left Sebastian and Poppy together, who had unsurprisingly also walked to class together. You knew they were friendly, the pair of them having a number of classes together including sitting next to one another in charms. You released Ominis to allow him to find his station, eyes meeting with Sebastian as he watched the pair of you enter the room, eyes following you as you take your place beside him at the potions station. You shoot him a small smile, feeling the burning eyes of curiosity watching you, chalking it up to wanting to know what was in the letter you had so quickly hidden.
“Attention on me. We’ve got much to do this morning so we don’t have time for idle chatter.” Professor Sharp quickly got your attention, eyes swivelling over to the front of the class as Sharp swivelled a chalkboard around on it’s stand to reveal the scratchings on the back.
“With O.W.L.S quickly approaching, as is your decisions for your N.E.W.T.S. Therefore todays lesson will be somewhat of a taster of the potions you would be doing next year, should you choose to take it.” Your eyes traced over the board, trying to decipher the words. It seemed other people knew what the potion as whispers spread throughout the classroom. You leant over to Ominis who obviously couldn’t read the writing, tapping his shoulder in order to grab his attention.
“What’s Amortentia?” Ominis snickered as he realised, noting a small blush painting his pale cheeks. He leaned back towards you as to not garner any attention from Sharp as he continued to teach.
“It’s a love potion of sorts. Incites deep infatuation and it’s supposed to smell like the things you’re attracted to.” You let out a hum which came out more panicked than you hoped, moving back to your place at the station. You felt eyes on you, glancing over at Sebastian and frowning at him as you found him watching you once again. You were about to retort to his strange attention when a swift cough brought your attention to Sharp once again, who raised an eyebrow at you before continuing. You resigned yourself to paying attention, or at least make it seem as such as you knew you didn’t have the time in your busy schedule for detention right now.
Rolling an Ashwinder eggs in your palm, you try to keep your attention on the recipe. The blind eye that is turned to your frequent excursions is only as strong as your grades. You went to grab the next ingredient, but your forced attention meant you really weren’t concentrating on the right things, and you took a whole handful of rose thorns. Letting out a weak yelp as the thorns dug into your skin, you tried the best you could to hold in the pathetic whimper as to not have Sharp sent you to the matron and lose out on yet another potion grade.
Your undamaged hand started a futile attempt to pull a Wiggenweld potion from your robe, but you obviously kept them in the pocket nearest your non-dominant hand which you had used to grab at the thorns whilst running your dominant hand along the recipe. You struggled for a moment more, getting progressively more worked up as your potion reached it’s stewing point and needed attention. You let out a quiet hiss as your reflexively clenched your injured hand, only to feel another hand thrust into your pocket. You froze for a moment as you felt Sebastian standing directly behind you, hand fumbling around in your robe pocket for what you had been searching for. It takes him a moment too long to pull out a vial before disappearing from behind you like nothing had happened. Your gaze doesn’t follow after him, instead it’s fixed on the green vial now held in your free hand. You know your face is reaching boiling point, but this thought snaps you out of your stupor as you remember the cauldron in front of you and hurriedly chug the Wiggenweld before carefully picking up the rose thorns and sprinkling them into the pot. You let out a breath you didn’t realise you were holding in as the contents changed into the desired colour, meaning you hadn’t screwed up quite yet. Though there was still plenty of time for that.
***
The mother of pearl sheen shining back at you took you by surprise. You couldn’t help but watch the surface of the potion as is shone, smoky tendrils drifting up and forming unnaturally perfect swirls. You were somewhat perplexed by the potion that you didn’t hear you voice called out from behind you until Sharp was stood directly next to you, clapping a firm hand on your shoulder.
“See what you can do when you pay attention in class! It’s just short of great quality, but it’s certainly a fantastic attempt.” You vaguely hear Sharp giving you points for your hard work, but you are more overwhelmed by the stench coming from in front of you. You take a quick look around, seeing no one else’s cauldron maintaining the tell-tale swirls and mother of pearl shine of a successful Amortentia. This in turn meant that a number of the class had started to drift towards you, eager to find out what the concoction smelt like.
“Why don’t you tell the class what you smell?” Your head whips around to the teacher beside you, the look of panic evident in your eyes for a second before you catch yourself, gaze locking back on the potion before you. You lean in to make some show of display like the smell rising from the liquid wasn’t clogging your sinuses and probably could have been smelt from three floors down.
“I, uh… I smell butterbeer, and um, smoke, I think?” It was hard to decipher these smells purely because of the sheer stench that the third gave off, but there was no way in Merlin’s good name would you say it out loud. The class seemed to expect a third answer, as if there was some written rule of threes when it came to Amortentia, so you took another sniff, brows furrowing as you start to make out a fourth smell in the midst of the others. You take a moment to decipher it, before you mind snaps into place and the answer spills from your lips before you have a moment to catch it.
“Is that… Slytherin common room?” It takes a moment for the whispers to start, but as soon as they do your brain suddenly realises what you just said. It was common knowledge to most Slytherins that spent much of your time in their common room, but to the other three houses this was news. You try to calm your heart, not daring to look around the room quite yet. You had to remind yourself that this did not mean anything in turns of your affection, and instead just that you enjoyed the Slytherin common room and thought of it fondly as an entity in itself.
A deep breath later you looked back up before stepping to the side, allowing for others to reach your potions station and to take the attention off of you. You watched as the room filled with flushed faces, though you couldn’t help but frown as you noticed no one else seemed to be able to smell their scents from as far away as you. Even as you rounded the bench to stand beside Sebastian as far from the potion as you could, you could still smell the damned scent, though it took all you had in you to not admit that maybe this was because the source of many of them was stood right beside you. You nudge a shoulder into the man beside you, drawing his attention over to you.
“Aren’t you going to try? I’d rather appreciate not being the only one humiliated here…” You do your best to shoot him a cheeky smile as if just making eye contact with him at this moment isn’t making you scream internally. He grimaces before turning away from you, as if avoiding your steely gaze.
“I can smell it from here, thank you. And I certainly do not need the world to know what I’m smelling right now.” You let out a small hum, following his gaze over to where Poppy is leant over the potion, her own features flushing as she takes a delicate whiff. You’re hit with a wave of grief and it feels as if the air had been dragged out of your lungs by a dementor. You tried to ignore the obvious flush that dusted over his freckles, frozen in place for a moment too long. Sebastian seems to notice this as he turns back to you, about to note on your lack of retort, but before he can open his mouth your gone from his side and at Ominis’s. You don’t notice the look of contempt on the back of your head as you attempt to start a conversation with Ominis to distract yourself.
***
As if the notion that you are not mine haunts me, I find myself seeing you in everything I do. The way it seems like a dance with death when you duel is reflected in my own spells and your tendency to spin every globe and stroke every cat you see is echoed in my footsteps throughout the cold halls of Hogwarts.
Though I know you have not forced these feelings upon me, but there is some disdain for each waking moment you must consume my thoughts whilst standing before me, so close and yet too far for my liking.
You follow me even in my classes, and I shall disclose only to you that the smell of you in Amortentia follows me even now. There is no doubt each tone described my adoration of you. In the fleeting moments we have, the smell of damp soil which clings to your robes, the soap you use each morning and of your smouldering hair, fresh from a duel haunt me. And yet I find myself craving them as much as I crave your affection.
The more I write to you, the less content I am with only this, and yet I still cannot bring myself to say these words to you aloud.
Yours even if you are not mine,
Your Secret Admirer x
-
You jump from your seat, earning a few confused stares from your fellow Hufflepuffs. Grasping the letter firmly in your hand, you push yourself away rom the bench you had resided on just a moment for and make a beeline for your new target.
“Garreth!” The poor boy jumps as you slide beside him, flushing lightly as you stare intently at him. You had to admit if may be a little out of character for you to barge onto other house tables, albeit the Slytherin one, but there were more important matters at hand.
“I don’t suppose you happen to know if Professor Sharp has taught any other Amortentia classes.” You knew from experience that Garreth had a tendency to try and sneak samples of potions out of class, especially forbidden ones, and had a slew of contacts in different potions classes. He gave you a sly look, clearly misinterpreting your question, but you just frowned at his lack of response.
“As far as I’m aware, we’re the only class that’s done it so far, though I can certainly keep an eye out if you’re after some love potion.” You roll you eyes as he attempts to wiggle his brows at you, earning him a small slap to the shoulder as you stand up once more.
“I’m not after anything, but you may have just helped me with a small puzzle.” You couldn’t hide the grin that was spreading over your features, glancing down at the letter still within your grip. As you traverse back to your spot, a little less frantically than a moment before, you hear you name from across the room and see Sebastian beckoning you from his spot at the Slytherin table. You quickly turn on your heels and trot over to him, cursing yourself for being to responsive to his calls.
“What was that about? I’m not sure I’ve ever seen you initiate a conversation with Garreth.” You have half a mind to correct him, but the giddiness in your heart overpowers it.
“Whoever is writing me is in our potions class!” Your attention is so focused on the letter, eyes once again tracing its lines, that you don’t see Sebastian pale beside you. Ominis’s face has a hint of a smirk as turns to where he thinks you are.
“And prey tell how you’ve worked that out?” There’s something sly to his tone, but then again there always is, likely to do with his upbringing.
“They wrote about Amortentia, and Garreth said our class is the only one who’s done that yet! So unless they’ve somehow gotten their hands on a banned substance, I can narrow it down!” You’re so giddy that it hadn’t even dawned on you to run through the names yet. You slide in beside Sebastian, who is being oddly quiet, maybe because he’s also running through the list of possible suspects.
“That’s you two, Poppy, Imelda, Natty, Garreth, Amit, Everett-…” You do your best to list the members of your potions class, Ominis piping in with a few.
“They described my eyes, so Ominis is out of the running.” You shoot a cheeky look at Ominis, and though he can’t see it you know he can hear it in your tone.
“Oh woe is me.” You reach across the table to slap him lightly in the chest, earning you a chuckle. A few more eliminations and you’re down to your final contenders.
“-and that leaves Garreth, Amit, Everett, Imelda and Poppy. Wait scratch that, not Poppy. And I think I’d curse myself if it’s Everett so he’s out regardless.” You pull a quill and a scrap of parchment from the bottomless pockets of your robes and note down your shortlist, proud of your work.
“Why not Poppy?” Sebastian draws your attention away Ominis, who is chuckling about your distaste for Clopton. You fight the frown that threatens to hit your lips as you turn to him. Of course that’s who he latches onto in this conversation.
“I, um… We’re just good friends, that’s all, and I think she has different tastes?” You don’t want to go into detail, neither to betray your small friend nor to supply Sebastian with whatever he’s after in that moment. He, however, smirks at this comment and you can feel your heart sink in your chest.
“You can just say you know who she has a crush on.” You frown at Sebastian’s interest in this, though he doesn’t seem to notice.
“Why is Sebastian exempt?” Ominis’s voice cuts through your invasive thoughts. There’s no way he knows, mostly because you’re most obvious trait was the smile you couldn’t stop gracing your lips whenever Sebastian looked at you. You narrow you eyes at him lightly, as if he could see you.
“Because he’s Sebastian.” You curse yourself for the way your voice wobbles as you say it, though it seems like neither boy noticed. A huff came from your right, drawing your gaze over to the aforementioned boy.
“What, you know me so well you think I can’t right love letters?” He seems annoyed by this, though you can’t think why. Maybe seeing the number you received had inspired him to write in the future.
“Are you writing me these letters?” You raise an eyebrow at him, eyes locked in a rather contemptuous staring contest. You can feel the heat rising in your cheeks the longer his eye melt into yours, and you’re about to give in when he finally looks away with a smirk.
“You wish.” It’s short, but it cuts your hopes into ribbons. It’s not like you expected him to say yes, but there was something in his manner that really screamed at you that he had no interest. You try to cover up your hesitation by slapping his thigh with a haughty laugh, holding your head up.
“You couldn’t do better than me if you tried. Good luck to whomever receives your badly written love notes.” Neither of you look back at the other, so you resort to looking back at Ominis who has a look on his face like he’s trying to hold a conversation with a Niffler.
“That wasn’t a no.” You had half a mind to have words with Ominis, as he was really tearing your heart to pieces as he kept bringing this up. A frustrated huff fell from your lungs as you pulled your quill back out from your robe before scribbling down Sebastian’s name at the bottom of the list.
“Better?” You try to fill your voice with as much malice as you can manage, but Ominis only seems happy with himself rather than intimidated. You sigh, shoving the quill and parchment back into your pocket.
“I’ve got divination, I’ll see you both later.” You leave before either of them have any time to say anything more, knowing your heart might combust if you thought about Sebastian writing you these illustrious letters any longer.
***
It had been a full week since potions, and though you’d received three more letters since, there was nothing more that you could use to decipher who it was that was writing you. You let out a defeated sigh, letting the most recent letter fall onto your lap.
“Finally losing their magic?” Ominis drew his attention away from the book as it stopped reading itself aloud. You quite liked the quiet ambiance of his audio charms, often finding yourself following along with the story with him.
“No, it’s not that? I guess I just kind of hoped they’d have given themselves up by now.” You sink to the floor besides him, resting your head against his shoulder as you whine.
“Isn’t the point of a secret admirer that you don’t know?” You let out a childish moan, giving him a pinch in the leg as he tries to undermine your complaints.
“It’s just starting to feel kind of, I don’t know, all in my head. It feels like some elaborate joke that’s about to explode in my face. If I try hard enough it narrows down to Amit and Garreth, and to be honest I don’t love either of those options.” You grimace at the thought of hearing any of the words you read spilling from either boys mouth.
“Don’t forget about Sebastian.” This shuts up your complaints rather swiftly as you sink further into the ground, shoving your face into Ominis’s arm in an attempt to hide the rampant blush on your cheeks.
“I can feel the heat radiating from you, even if I can’t see, you know.” He was almost definitely lying, but you couldn’t put anything past Ominis.
“As much as I want that. It’s not him.” Ominis shifts, a chuckle erupting from his chest which incites you to sit up and scowl at him.
“So you finally admit it. Now go do it in his arms, not mine.” You shove your face into your hands, refusing to look at Ominis who is revelling in your dirty secret.
“Please, stop. I know he doesn’t like me. I saw him looking at Poppy in potions. Please don’t make this harder than it already is.” You wince at the sound of your own pathetic voice, hearing the sound of tears welling in your eye reflected in the wobble in your words. Ominis frowns, likely because of your sudden change in demeanour.
“He doe- Never mind, I’m sorry. I’ll drop it…” You both sit in silence for a moment before Ominis starts to rise, causing you to fall slightly as you lose your support.
“I need the bathroom, I shall be right back.” You watch him until he is out of your sight, leaving you to ponder your own feelings for a moment too long before he returns. As he sits you notice he’s got a new book in his hands, so he must have made a quick detour to the boys dorm. You lean into him once more, eyes ghosting over the words in preparation for the reading to begin, but it never comes. You frown for a moment before looking up at Ominis who looks oddly perplexed.
“Oh dear, it seems as though I’ve left my wand on my desk. I don’t suppose you could grab it for me. The dorm should still be empty right now.” You sigh at the boy beside you, his tone oddly filled with whimsy, but oblige either way. You have visited his and Sebastian’s room before, once when you’d had an impromptu dip in the lake, and another whilst having to hide from a prefect after you’d stayed past curfew.
You traced the route you remember before you gaze fell on the small plaque stating the occupants before you give the door a light knock, just in case Ominis is wrong. When you receive no reply you gently push the door open, and the room is indeed empty. You glance towards Ominis’s belongings quickly, wanting to get out of the boys dorm as quick as you can should someone turn up soon. Though oddly enough your search turns up futile, and you find yourself stumped, scratching your head as you try to figure out where he could have placed his wand so haphazardly. Your eyes ghost over Sebastian’s belongings, and to your surprise your gaze falls on Ominis’s wand sitting directly in the middle of Sebastian’s desk. Your feet cross the room to retrieve it, but your hand pauses just above it as your eyes gloss over the contents of Sebastian’s desk. Familiar cursive letters fill you view, and the hand once aimed for Ominis’s wand now shakily lifts a piece of parchment from its haphazard position on the table.
You are like There is little I can compare you to to even comprehend fathom what it is I see when it comes to you. I could compare you to the Black lake at sunrise sunset, but you glow shimmer shine better are even more radiant. I could compare-
You read the words you had read only hours ago at breakfast, though this time littered with scribbles and corrections, the true workings of one’s mind scrawled upon the page. The more corrections each page contains, the more the writing morphs into the familiar scrawl you recognise as Sebastian’s, as if he tries his best to hide his penmanship until the new letter becomes too mistake ridden to send and it becomes yet another draft. Desperation fills you heart, grabbing at pages and reading the words over. Every letter you had received was in front of you in some variation, letters you had not shown a single other soul and yet somehow Sebastian knew what was in every single one. You’re so taken with shock, you can’t even hear the door open behind you until your name hits your ears in such a broken question that your heart almost breaks on the spot. Your head turns slowly, soon locking eyes on the owner of the letters held in your hands. The door swinging closed once more is the only sound as you stare, both too afraid to say anything. Finally, Sebastian’s eyes drop from yours to the letters in your shaky grip, freeing you from his hypnosis. Your own gaze fall to the scratching in your fingers, mind betraying you as it reminded you of every time Sebastian had looked at you like a joke when someone suggested he like you.
“Is-… Is thi-…” You choke on your own words, not wanting to hear the answer to a question you hadn’t even asked yet.
“Is this all some, some cruel joke?” You can’t bare to look at him again, afraid that if you do, the tears will spill and he’ll take pity on you and forgo the truth.
“You’re supposed to be my friend. Why would you do something so cruel?” You’re convinced there is no truth in the words before you. He’d had too many chances he passed up for this to be real. Every muscle in your body begins to tense as you try to hold it all in, the parchment in your grasp slowly crumpling against your skin. It feels as if the world is spinning, as if the culmination of everything you had been through in the last year wasn’t enough, the cherry on top was the object of your infatuation treating you like a joke he can toy with until he is bored.
“There isn’t a single lie in those pages.” His words were firm and clear, but there was something so fragile in them, as if he were bearing his heart on a silver plate to you.
And the world stops.
It’s as if you are deaf. The sounds of the common room outside grow silent in you ears, and even the rustle of the papers being crushed in your fists is gone.
And he is there.
Barely an arms reach away from you, standing in front of you looking more terrified than a man who has fought trolls and spider and goblins has ever looked. The tears streaming down your cheeks are the only reaction your body can muster as he simple watches you, eyes gentle as a mooncalves’ boring into your own, tear ridden and reddened.
“I know I’ve ruined the friendship. I didn’t mean to, I swear. I just, I saw you reading those letters and it was the closest I could get to calling you mine, as pathetic as that is.” He’s shaking as he speaks. It’s light but it’s there and in that moment he’s so painfully real.
The laughter spills from your lips before you can stop it. At first it’s a meagre splutter as you try to hold it, knowing the response would not be well received, but you cannot hold it in, and soon the silence is broken by your untimely laughter, choked down by tears and shaky breaths.
There are a thousand thoughts in your mind, but you cannot voice a single one as your voice is consumed by giggles and strangled sounds as you drag air into your lungs. With each passing second, Sebastian looks more distraught, and you desperately beg your throat to stop, until finally your laughter petters out into a series of giggles small enough to talk over.
“I’ve… I’ve been yours for as long as I’ve known you.” It’s out in the open, and you feel the weight of a year’s worth of shoved down feelings and solemn nights lifting from you like a hippogriff taking flight. A moment more silence and it’s Sebastian’s turn to laugh, pained chuckles mixing with your own as the gap closes and his hands are on your waist. The letters have long since been dropped, scattered on the floor and forgotten as lips ghost over your own, faint laughter tickling your face and dancing with your own breath.
Your arms snake their way around his neck to finally pull him in and close the devastatingly small gap, finally claiming his lips with your own. It’s awkward and filled with laughter, but it’s the best kiss you’ve ever had and you’d trade your life a million times for another like it. But you don’t have to, as you apart for barely a second to catch your breath before his mouth is back on you, desperate and full of longing.
Gentle lips kiss away the tears that taint your skin, though they’ve long since been replaced by tears of laughter and happiness. You can feel everything he feels in the way he kisses you gently, but with restrained pressure like he’s trying to become one in the same with you. Your hands grasp at each other’s clothing as if the other may disappear at any moment and it’s not until you hit your head against the wall behind you do you realise that you’d bent yourselves all the way over Sebastian’s desk.
“Me too, by the way…” Your voice barely made it out as a whisper, stolen by the man before you. He shoots you a look of confusion as to prompt you to continue.
“The Amortentia. I smelt you too… Butterbeer from our trip to Hogsmeade, smoke from casting confringo in the Undercroft and, and the scent you told me you brewed yourself last summer. To, uh, catch the ladies I believe is the way you phrased it.”
Laughter fills the room once more, foreheads pressed together as you revel in each other’s glow, small kisses exchanged amongst traded words until the communal area of the boy dorm is invaded by another of it’s residents, who is none too pleased to find the pair of you in an otherwise suggestive position against Sebastian’s desk.