Work Text:
Oh course I don't want to get better!!
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Ren was sick. Martyn could tell. It was hardly 10 minutes that ren went without coughing anymore. He was worried. Ren was getting worse. It was easy to tell. He had a hard time walking to his desk from his car in the morning. Ren had never been this sick.
A flew every now and then was normal. But nothing this bad.
Ren started taking days off. And martyn did too. There was only stuff that could wait there. Ren was his priority. So he kept ren happy, they both knew that ren could get better, it was just unlikely. So Martyn stayed by ren. He kept him happy, and he loved him.
He brought them food, even if it ment getting his hands a little bloody. Martyn loved ren, and even if he had to hand fed him human remains. Martyn didn't mind.
Martyn just made ren happy, he told jokes, they watched rens favorite shows, he slept in the hospital bed, he played with rens hair, kissed his neck. He worked his ass off. Now, if you asked him, he would tell you he didn't regret anything. He really didn't. He just wishes ren was healthy for just a bit longer.
He got one last date with ren.
The doctors said that if ren left the hospital then he could die within minutes. Ren begged him. Just to go to martyn's house, watch the office, and give Martyn's dog a bit of love. Martyn could take him home in the morning, but he wanted to spend one more night to cuddle with Martyn.
"Ren, are you sure, please tell you're not, please tell me we can stay here, tell me we can stay here and live another week!!"
"Martyn. I'm sure my dude."
And ren smiled something sad, his teeth on display, and sunglasses no where to be seen.
Ren lived through the night.
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No one's ever gonna love me like that again.
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It was the first day in months that Martyn went to work, and actually got shit done. Grain has been nagging him for a bit.
He sat there and took apart the skin. He looked at bones, he checked teeth. 19 year old, trans male, you could tell by the removed tissue, head trauma, broken ribs, some kind of stab wound through the lung, and sprained ankle.
Then. He got the call. The doctors.
"Hello, is this Martyn littlewood?"
He swallowed the lump in his throat. And tried to breath out through his nose.
"Yeah this is him? You calling about ren?"
"Yes, ren dog?"
"Yeah.."
The world around Martyn was going too fast, like he was in slowmo, his apprentice, oli Orion, looked at him, and they didn't talk but oli's smile dropped, and he just nodded.
"I reget to inform you of your lose, I am so sorry, he died peacefully in his sleep, and you're the only one we were told to inform. We tried our hardest. "
The world stopped. Before it was going fast. Now? It's black, it's still. And it hurts.
Maybe he dropped to his knees are cried, or maybe he crashed into his desk, he didn't know. But he did know. Everything he had was over. And that oli? Oli stayed by his side.
Martyn was done, and ren was gone.
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I don't wanna get over it.
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And Martyn took the lighter they used, and he kneeled on the soil, making a little hole. He placed the lighter in and covered it back up.
Maybe I'm a different world he could have kept it close to his heart, and used it with ren, and watch things go up in flames together, and laugh, and make jokes, and maybe in some other world, Martyn wouldn't be at his grave, and maybe in some other world, the soil wouldn't be wet. And maybe in some other life, or world, or universe, wherever, ren and Martyn could be happy.
"You said if played with fire would get burnt. I guess you finally burnt me."
And Martyn knew that after this, that lighter would never work again. And Martyn knew that he would never see ren again. And he dropped the flower onto the grave. The yellow rose. The ones that ren kept on his desk. And the tears rolled, and he didn't scream like they say, he wanted to, but he didn't. He didn't sit at the grave for hours, he wanted to, but he had work in 2 hours, and he was covered in dirt, almost an hour from his house.
And ren stayed martyn's secret, someone marytn thought about in late hours of the night. Someone marytn could see himself being with. Someone Martyn will never see again.
And he didn't visit the grave everyday, like people said. He didn't break anything, like he normally would. He didn't take work off, like he should have. He didn't tell anyone that he went through the worst heart break, like he needed to. He stayed Martyn, and he hated his stupid fucking job even more. And he didn't burn it like he wanted to.
No. He went home. He went to work. And he never came back. Martyn was young back then. Fresh out of collage. Now, Martyn is about 30. And he babysits his niece. And they get along well, and the meals that jimmy and Scott pack for her, hurt more then they know, and sometimes Martyn steals a bit from it, and cries when looney is asleep.
Scott and jimmy are so lucky.
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I want to try rip the stars to shreds.
Of course it hurt, of course it fucking hurt.
It hurt like nothing else in the world ever hurt.
But you're all the way over there, and I'm way over here. What am I gonna do?