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You followed after him as he prepared to disembark, his brothers doing their utmost best to mind their own business although it was tough in close quarters as you followed Crosshair around their bunk area.
“I can’t help how I feel. I couldn’t go one more day without telling you that I love you. What if something happened to you and I never got the chance? I couldn’t bear it.”
“Can’t this wait? I have a mission to prepare for,” Crosshair hissed at you, and you wiped some tears from your eyes.
“No, it can’t wait,” you said resolutely. “I need to know how you feel. Please, Crosshair, even if you hate me, I need to know.”
He pulled you to the side and looked over at his brothers who were pretending not to try and listen in. “Look. I don’t have time for this. You need to pull yourself together for fuck’s sake.”
“Please,” you begged him, but he shook his head to the negative.
“I have to go.” He gave you the lightest, the quickest of pecks on the lips and then he was gone, the door to their quarters opening and closing behind him.
Hunter dashed over to you and took you into his arms, giving you a big hug. “Don’t press him. He’ll come around in his own time.”
“Okay. I just, I can’t lose him. Please watch out for him, alright?”
“We always do,” Hunter said and patted you on the back. “We’ll come back. He’ll come back to you.”
“Okay. I trust you. All of you.”
The Marauder departed Kamino and you sadly walked with a droop back to your meager single room the Kaminoans afforded you. A few regs that knew you stopped to make sure you were alright but you just waved them on and nodded. When you were back in your bunk you cried yourself to sleep. A short time later you woke up again, mind going full tilt.
What if he didn’t love you? What if you never saw him again? New love was a difficult thing. You had only just realized you loved Crosshair. It had happened at the range during one of your friendly shooting contests and as he was sending blaster fire making his initials in the range paper, it hit you that you associated the smell of blaster residue with that strong emotion that had been threatening to swamp you for the past couple of weeks.
Why had it taken you so long to put a finger on the pulse of what it was? Because you were a fool and didn’t want to lose Crosshair, figuring the only way to keep him, if you even had him, was to stay casual, cool, and aloof just like the expert marksman himself.
You wondered how he was doing and if he was thinking of you. You rolled over and realized it was almost time to get up and start your day helping with the care of the clone infants. They were so cute. It was a shame they had to grow up in such a sterile environment and learn to kill from an early age. Deciding it was best just to get up and get a move on, you showered, put on your uniform, and began your trek across the base, half-heartedly waving to some of the regs that recognized you on your way.
Once you were at your designated station, you relieved the personnel who had the overnight shift and began the daily regimen of cleaning up, educating, and exposing the infants to a variety of experiences. They became attached to you and while that was frowned upon, there wasn’t much the Kaminoans could do about it since attachment was the basis for healthy relationships.
Not all of the regs would recognize you as a parental figure. The Kaminoans rotated staff frequently to prevent too close of attachments from forming, but just enough to keep staff recognizable so there weren’t too many disruptions in the clones’ upbringing. Longevity was the basis of your assignment and you’d seen more than your fair share grow into shinies and ship off base, never to be seen again.
It was sort of a sad and lonely existence, one which had been brightened when the Bad Batch had grown and been dispatched into their own unit. When you were with them, you felt like less of an outsider and more of one of the guys. That was until you had to go and fall in love with a sniper.
Damn it all. You were going to be distracted until you got a comm or until they got back, probably the latter. Well, your performance couldn’t be lackluster or the Kaminoans would warn and replace you so you did your best to put your attraction from your mind and focus on the job in front of you.
--
Crosshair chewed the toothpick to splinters and spat them out on the floor of the ship.
Hunter scowled and pointed down at it. “Pick that osik up now,” he emphasized, shooting a dirty look at Cross.
“Touchy today, aren’t we?” Crosshair smirked but did as ordered and picked up the used toothpick, throwing it in the waste receptacle.
“I think you do that just to get on my nerves.”
“There’s nothing else to do around here,” Wrecker pointed out. “We all get on each other’s nerves when we’re in hyperspace. It’s what we do.”
“We should be doing some type of teambuilding or something, even going over the mission plans one more time,” Hunter mumbled, offering up a solution that was shot down.
“If I have to hear about the mission plans one more time my head’s going to explode. Isn’t there anything else we can talk about?” Echo complained, and he was never one to complain.
“We can talk about Crosshair’s girlfriend,” Wrecker joked, and Cross was coming at him before the giant could set Gonky on the floor to defend himself. Luckily, Hunter intervened, putting a hand between the two.
“Stop this before it gets started. We can’t afford to divide ourselves.”
“Order him to shut his filthy mouth. She is not my girlfriend,” Crosshair spat, inches away from Wrecker’s face, who had his fists up, ready to go a round.
“Based on your behavior, your activities would indicate scientifically that you treat her like a girlfriend as defined by what I’ve read on the holonet,” Tech added unhelpfully.
“Everyone, just leave Crosshair alone. If he doesn’t want to talk about it, leave it be.”
“She’s not my girlfriend,” Cross denied again, slapping the durasteel wall with frustration. “You all need to keep your noses out of my business. It’s none of yours whatsoever.” Then he disappeared into his rack for the rest of the journey to the Separatist outpost, not emerging until they were ready to disembark as a whole and saying nothing but the absolute essentials to his teammates.
Needless to say, their success rate was still one hundred percent, but their performance was dismal in comparison to their normal ratios of kills and hits. Crosshair actually missed his mark several times and Hunter pulled him aside.
“I don’t know what’s got into you or the rest of this team today, but whatever it is, needs to be resolved before we ship out on our next assignment. One of us is going to get killed if we keep up this shit performance we put out today.”
Crosshair narrowed his eyes but didn’t say anything. He knew the rest of the team was getting pulled aside singly to be chewed out by their leader, too. It still stung. He wasn’t hung up on Hunter’s approval, but it wouldn’t do to be dressed down by him, either. He needed to talk to his girlfriend, not that he would admit that’s what she was to the rest of them. Hell, he hadn’t even told her in so many words. Cross sighed. He had some thinking to do.
--
When they got back to base you weren’t there to greet him, as you normally were, taking Hunter’s advice and trying to give Crosshair some space.
Crosshair felt a little disheartened by your lack of appearance. Had you meant what you said or was it just a bunch of hot air? No, he couldn’t imagine you would lie to him like that, especially around his brothers. You’d always been a little clingy though, and he worried that maybe you were going to break up with him since he hadn’t declared anything before he left on the last mission.
Resolute in his decision not to go looking for you, Crosshair cleaned up, cleaned his weapons, and laid back in his bunk waiting for you to come to him. You always did.
Until you didn’t.
--
You were working late that day and didn’t know they were getting back. Crosshair didn’t normally comm you when they were returning but you had a friend that worked in communications and usually let you know. Although you were anxious to hear of their eventual return you were more focused on the fussy baby you held in your arms.
One of the Kaminoan supervisors glided over to you and motioned to the other three infants in your care. “You cannot neglect the others in favor of the one. What is wrong with him?”
“I don’t know. I need to take him to the infirmary. He hasn’t stopped crying for the past three hours.”
“My goodness. That does not bode well for the day’s development of the other three. I shall procure a replacement for you immediately. See to it this clone is brought to the infirmary right away.”
You bowed and hurried out of the room and down the hall. It was a short sprint away but just as you left the room the facility rocked on its foundations, sending you sprawling. You twisted your body to shield the infants from impact, twisting your back in the process and landing hard on one elbow, crying out in pain.
A couple of regs picked you up but had to hurry off to defend the base against the separatist attack that was raining down from above. The doors all around you went into lockdown and you knew you had to get the infant to safety. Rushing the best you could with a sore back, you fled down the hallway to your quarters to be met with the blast doors stuck shut across your doorway.
“Kriff!” you cried out and ran to the only other place you knew of that was safe and might still be open to you – clone force 99’s barracks.
The base rocked as you came around the corner and the Batch was just leaving their quarters. You caught the tail end of them, Echo leaving last, and he saw you, ushering you in before securing the door behind you. You rushed to Crosshair’s bunk and curled up with the screaming baby under his regulation issue covers. The pillow smelled like him.
There, you cried with the baby, unsure if this was the end of the line for the base or if you would all be victorious, feeling bad for this little baby that might never get the chance to grow up. While the base rocked and shouts and shots rang out, you dried your eyes and started singing to the baby, patting him harder on the back and trying different positions you’d been taught as a teen on your home world but were not Kaminoan approved in dealing with infants.
Sure enough, one of them worked and a giant belch came out of the baby’s mouth, and he immediately quieted, exhausted from crying for hours. He immediately fell asleep on your chest and as soon as the base quieted down as well, you collapsed gently into Crosshair’s pillow, fast asleep in his bed with the infant tucked into your breast, rooting for milk in its sleep.
--
The team trudged back to their barracks, sweaty, dirty, and generally disheveled from the fight. They were successful but only just. This was the worst surprise attack they’d ever seen against the Kaminoan base from the Separatists. They were quiet as they took the room off lockdown and filed in one at a time.
Everyone stopped as they almost ran into Hunter whose head was turned sharply towards Crosshair’s bunk. There was the girl, with a small clone infant, sound asleep in his rack.
All eyes turned and stared at Cross until Hunter snapped his fingers gently for the others to get on with their business quietly. Crosshair nodded at his leader, appreciative for once, of the courtesy extended by the other man.
He made his way over to his bunk and just stood there contemplating you for awhile. You looked so peaceful laying there with the infant. He couldn’t believe how vulnerable and maternal you looked. It was a good look on you, one he decided he liked a little too much.
Crosshair asked himself if he loved you and was surprised when the answer came back to him a resounding yes, no hesitation whatsoever. He needed to tell you.
Gently, so as not to disturb you too much, he sat on the edge of his rack and shook you awake as lightly as he could. “Hey. Hey, wake up. It’s over. You can relax now. You’re safe.”
“Oh, hello,” you said sleepily, then looked down at the baby and smiled. Then you realized where you were and started to apologize profusely. “I am so sorry, Cross. I didn’t mean to fall asleep in your bunk. It was just that I was so tired after dealing with the screaming baby, and I couldn’t get him to calm down. Then I was terrified we were all going to die and I –”
“Hey, it’s okay. Shush, Hush, I’m here,” he said and gathered you into his arms, rocking you a little bit. For once, he didn’t seem to mind looking like a soppy fool in front of his brothers. They had been right all along. You were his girl, and dank farrik, he was damn well going to start treating you like it.
“I’m sorry I dumped my feelings on you before you left. You don’t have to say it back. I just wanted you to know how I felt,” you finished lamely, and he shushed you again, then pulled back and looked into your eyes.
“Look at me,” he said, and you did, squarely. “I love you too.”
“Oh. OH. You do?” you asked lamely, and he smiled a tiny bit.
“Yeah. Yeah, I do. You’re my girl. I want you to always be my girl. Can you do that for me? Be mine and only mine?”
It took you a minute to believe this was really happening from the normally dour man and you nodded emphatically. “Yes, Cross. Yes, a thousand times. I want nothing more than to be your girl. I love you so much. All I could think of while you were gone was you coming home safe to me.”
“I can’t make any promises, Mesh’la, but I will always do my best to come back to you and treat you better than I have been, okay?”
“Okay.”
“By the way,” he smirked, “you look damn good with a baby on your breast.”
The baby chose that moment to wake up and look around with interest.
“He has your eyes,” she teased, and he swatted her lightly.
“They all have my eyes. Doesn’t make me their Daddy.”
“Maybe one day,” you reasoned, and he just nodded.
“One day.”
It was all he could promise. You needed to be on your way, sure you’d be missed, but in that moment, nothing could make your heart soar more than Crosshair’s declaration of love for you and the fact that you were his girl.
It was all you’d ever wanted and more.