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“We’re so excited to see you see you, dear!” My mother's sickeningly sweet voice, like cough syrup, wafted through the phone by my ear. “We’re already preparing for your arrival.” The noise of skin hitting skin is distinctly heard through the speaker.
My face contorted at my mother’s suggestion. She hadn’t been referencing a party or celebration of any sort. She had been talking about the anger- from work, her terrible marriage, etc.- that she was currently bottling up only to take it out on me as soon as I get home for winter break.
I clenched my fist at my side, fingers tightening around the phone in the other hand. My whole body seemed to tense and shake at the thought of coming home. I squeezed my eyes shut and the tears that welled there broke and fell over my cheeks. My voice was weak and wavering when I worked up the courage to answer, “A-actually, I… I um…” I swallowed hard, pushing down my fear and hesitation. “I’m not coming home for winter break!”
There was silence on the other end, and that terrified me more than anything. And when she did speak, that fake tone she used before was gone, replaced by something red hot, angry, and deep, “Excuse me, what?”
“I- um…” I start shaky, but my knack for knowing exactly what to say in the moment when it counts more than ever kicks in. “A friend of mine begged me to come over for Christmas.” It wasn’t a whole lie, Eren did ask if I wanted to spend the holiday season at his house- course I had said no so as not to inconvenience him and his family. “I told him no at first,” Again, partially true, with the exception that there was no ‘then I said yes.’ “But, he really wanted me to come over, and there’s always Spring break for us, right?”
I could practically feel the fumes coming through the phone at this point; I winced. “ Armin Arlert. You need to tell your friend that you want- no need- to come home and spend your break with your family!”
With my shaking hands in mind, I wasn’t sure how I was able to do what I did next, “Sorry, but I promised.” My finger hovered over the ‘end call’ button- I wasn’t going to wait for her response, knowing she wouldn’t drop the subject. “Anyways, I have to go! Talk to you later!” I hung up, releasing a breathy sigh of relief.
“Who was that, Armin?” I lifted my head up to follow the voice of my roommate to his form- he was standing across the room, leaning against my bed frame. Eren, with his soft brown hair dangling just above his eyes, looked so casual standing there with his arms crossed over his chest.
I frowned knowing that I must look so awkward, so uncomfortable, sitting here on the edge of the bed with bones as stiff as steel. “Mom.”
I had told Eren about my home life a while ago. It’s one of the reasons he offered to let me stay at his house. I mean, it’s not like there’s much else anyone can do- I’m over eighteen, so I’m not living with them anymore. Could I get a restraining order? Maybe. I might look that up when break’s over. I didn’t know why I ever considered going home in the first place. I didn’t owe them anything- I had been paying for my own education and all my necessities. It’s why I don’t have a car. And Eren and I had been paying for the apartment together, so I could just stay here.
His eyebrows drew in real close; he was worried about me again. “What’d she say?”
“That she was excited to see me. That she was already preparing my visit.” I hung my head once more, staring down at my knees which were straining to stay pressed together, “You know what that means.”
I didn’t have to look to know that Eren’s face was turning red with fury, I could hear it in his breathing- quick, short, and coming in like forceful punches. But then he sighed and responded softly- almost sounding sad, “My offer still stands.”
“Eren,” I started, dropping my hands to my knees, but still not looking up, “I don’t want to be a burden to you or your mom during the holidays. Mikasa’s already coming over, so your mom already has one extra person to house.”
Footsteps thumped against the floor, getting closer by the second, and the bed dipped down beside me with the weight of a new body on the mattress. “Armin…” His voice was gentle and quiet, and his fingers found my chin, lifting my face toward his, “You wouldn’t be a burden. My mother loves you like a son of her own.” I know. She’s expressed said love many times. “I’m a hundred percent sure that she would rather have you in the house for two weeks than know that you’re with people who hit you or alone in this apartment.” My lip trembled and it was difficult to resist the urge to slump into his shirt and cry. “Also, Mikasa’s not coming this year- she didn’t give me a reason, but she said she had other plans.”
At this my head perked up without the aid of his fingers, “She’s not?”
The smile that graced his lips was still tinged with a bitter solemness when he offered, “Yeah, so mom’ll be lonely with just me. You gotta come.”
Honestly, I wanted nothing more to say yes. I so badly wanted to spend my break- my holiday- with a family who would love me, hug me, and care for me rather than use me as a human punching bag. If I were mean, I would totally send my parents a punching bag for Christmas. “Ok.”
“Awesome!” He exclaimed, pulling his phone from his pocket and pulling up his mom’s contact information, “I’ll go tell mom!” Then he pressed the call button and retreated from my room.
This warm feeling spread throughout my body. I couldn’t seem to place it- was it relief, joy? No, those words didn’t quite fit. I couldn’t figure it out until the thought crossed my mind: I’m safe now. Safe. That’s the word.
Christmas morning came, and I had been spoiled rotten all week by Eren and his mom. She made us breakfast every morning (9 times out of 10 it was waffles or pancakes), baked cookies and cakes and pies for dessert all throughout the week, helped us build a blanket fort for movie marathoning, brought back our favorite snacks from the store, but- best of all- she’d tuck us in at night.
I had long since forgotten what it was like to have someone come into my bedroom, pull up the covers and tuck in the sides, ask me if I wanted the fan or nightlight on, tell me they love me, and kiss me goodnight. It felt so nice, and I almost envied Eren for receiving it all throughout his childhood, but I quickly reminded myself that I had it now and I had him too.
Whatever the case of nightly routines, Christmas morning came and I awoke to a sound that I’d never heard in my life, “Wake up Armin! It’s Christmas!” Called my best friend as he wildly shook my shoulder.
I jolted in surprise- a pleasant surprise though. I hadn’t been so excited for Christmas in years. “Ok, ok! I’m getting up!” I tossed back my thick comforter and kicked my legs over the side of the bed, grinning uncontrollably.
The two of us skittered down the hallway like four-year-olds and knocked on mom’s door. Did I seriously just call her mom in my head? A blush crept to my cheeks; she’s already told me I can call her mom, I’ve just been too nervous to do it- until now, that is. Yeah. I did.
“Momma!” Eren shrieked through the thick oak door, still pounding his fists against the wood. “Momma, wake up! It’s Christmas morning!”
The door creaked open a second later to reveal mom- still sounds a little weird in my head, but it’s a good weird - standing there rubbing the sleep from her eyes. She was smiling that warm ‘mom’ smile that I’ve come to love so much. “Good morning, boys. Did you sleep well?”
We both nodded furiously, being brought into a tight hug.
“Good!” she announced, ruffling our hair, “Gotta be well-rested for present opening!”
The three of us shuffle to the living room, huddling around the Christmas tree. Mom got up and started passing out the presents, divided them up between Eren, me, and herself. I was baffled by the number that sat before me.
A couple were labeled from my friends from College- I had carried those with me. But there were at least three each from Eren and his mom. I gaped open-mouthed like a fish, “You guys got me presents?”
Eren grinned, bearing his teeth proudly at me and looking about as mature as a toddler, “Of course!”
“You really didn’t have to…” I murmur, thinking about the single present that I got Eren and the one for his mom. “It was enough to let me stay with you.”
Mom crouched behind me and wrapped her arms around the back of my shoulders, “Nonsense, Armin. You’re one of us now- I got Eren four presents, I had to get you the same amount. It’s only fair.”
I relished the warmth of the hug- it had taken me awhile to get to the affectionate nature of this family. Eren would always hug me a lot, and so over the course of several months of rooming with him, I became accustomed to that and stopped flinching at his sudden contact. I guess that it’s probably why I warmed up to Carla’s hugs so quickly. “T-thank you.”
She kissed my temple, “Of course, Armin. You’re more than welcome.”
Two nights later, wearing the soft sweater that mom crocheted for me; embroidered across the chest was my name written out in swirling letters. The sweater itself was blue like the ocean and the thread that made up my name was tan like sand. Eren must have told her that I love the sea. I’d never been, but it looks so enchanting in pictures.
“I’ll take you someday.” Eren promised me a couple months ago as we watched Karate Kid. We were at the part where he was practicing on the beach, and I had made a comment about wanting to see the ocean. “I promise.”
Back to present day, my head turned down to look at Eren lying on the inflatable mattress, wearing his matching red sweater, his name stitched in gold- it brought out his eyes even in the dark of the bedroom. I still can’t believe he gave up his bed for me. He’s complained many times before that he needs a good, comfy mattress to sleep on, or he’ll wake up with back cramps. He’s such a dork.
“Hey, Eren.” my voice has grown more confident in the past week, and I don’t feel so afraid that my parents will figure out how to track my phone and drag me away from the happiness I’ve attained here with the Jaegers.
“Hm?” he listed his head toward me, folding his arms behind his neck.
I scrambled up into a sitting position, my legs crossed over each other, “Why was it so important to you that I come home with you for the holidays? I could’ve just stayed in the apartment, you know.”
He pulled his arms from behind his head and propped himself up on the one closest to me, “That’s easy, Armin.” I cocked my head in response and awaited his explanation. “No one deserves to be alone during the Christmas season, or ever. Least of all you.”
What’s that supposed to mean? 'Least of all you?' I’m really nothing special.
“Don’t say that, Min.” Oops, guess I said that out loud. “You’re everything special.”
I snorted, slapping a hand over my mouth, “Cheesy much?”
Eren pouted and rose to his feet, pushing off the air mattress with a stumble. He crawled up next to me and slung an arm around my shoulders. “Maybe. But it’s true. You’re so special… to me, at least. So important.” He mused, seemingly more to himself than to me.
“But why?” It came out as more of a mumble than an actual question, but he answered anyway.
“Why are you important to me?” He asked and I nodded as I leaned my head on his shoulder gently. “Because. You are one of the smartest, sweetest people I know. You’re incredibly wise and gentle, considerate and kind. And, I know this sounds a bit selfish, but I know you’ll always be there for me. So, why wouldn’t I be there for you when you need someone too?”
I turned my head up to meet his deep green-blue eyes. My attention quickly caught on the red tinge of his cheeks. “Thank you, Eren.”
He playfully knocks his knee into mine, “Anytime, Minnie.”
Usually, I’d scowl at the nickname, but tonight it brought a blush to my own cheeks. I briefly thought about confessing my long-standing feelings for him, but I decided against it, recognizing that it might ruin this perfect moment.
Apparently, Eren and I were not on the same page, because he squeezed my body closer and whispered in my ear, “I’ve always loved you, you know?”
My heart stopped in my chest. Did I hear that correctly? He meant in a brotherly way, right? Or friendly? But the tug in my heart was unconvinced, “Huh?”
He let his arm drop away from me, leaving my shoulders feeling cold and lonely. But he gave me an even better replacement, bringing his hands up to cup my face in between his fingers, “I love you, Min. Like… in love with you…”
I blinked repeatedly- this couldn’t be happening, could it? Like actually happening? I resisted the urge to pinch my arm, knowing it would look pretty weird. “B-but, that can’t be right.” Eren’s face fell and I could feel his hands getting ready to retract. “I’m the one who’s in love with you…”
Eren couldn’t hold back a laugh, “Armin, that’s a good thing!”
I just continued blinking there, the information having not yet connected in my brain. You know, for someone who’s as smart as you supposedly are, you sure do take a long time to comprehend simple things. “I- uh… I think I need a minute to process.”
Eren hands dropped from my cheeks into his lap, folded as he patiently waited for me to be ready to continue.
“Wait, so you like… actually have feelings for me too?”
He chuckled lightly, only barely meeting my eyes, which had boldly turned up to his by this point, “Of course. Just about everyone’s figured it out. I get harassed by Connie and Sasha daily about it.”
Connie and Sasha recognized that my best friend had a crush on me before I did? Well, now I really feel stupid. “I’m sorry that I...for not-” I groaned, starting again, “Eren, I’m sorry I didn’t notice sooner.”
He shook his head and wrapped his arms around my torso, bringing me to his chest. “Don’t be. Just know that I love you, and that I won’t ever let anyone hurt you, ok?” He promised as he pressed a kiss to the crown of my head, filling my whole body with a fluttery feeling.
I giggled in disbelief against his soft sweater, “That’s physically impossible, Eren.”
He poked his forefinger into my (very) ticklish side, which caused me to heave with impulsive laughter. “Shut up, Armin! I was trying to be romantic!”
Through my violent fit of laughter I cried, “It… didn’t really… work!”
“Oh really?” He got that mischievous glint in his eye; it was almost devilish looking.
My breath hitched as I prepared for the worst. Both of Eren’s hands flew to my midsection, tickling violently. I threw my head back and coughed out instinctive laughs until there were tears pricking at my eyes.
His fingers just kept assaulting my sides though for a good five minutes more before he was finally exhausted too. He collapsed by my side and pulled me into his side. I nuzzled in comfortable, still breathing heavily as I listened to Eren’s matching labored breaths. Admittedly, my breathing was harder than his, but isn't that what oughta be suspected?
After ten or so minutes, I figured he’d fallen asleep. But he finally whispered into my hair, sleepiness plaguing his voice, “Love you…”
“Love you too.”
Snore. Asleep already?
Giggling to myself, I pulled my blanket up over us. I didn’t attempt to move him, he’s far too heavy for my weak arms to even budge. So our legs would just have to dangle over the side for the night, I guess.
I stretched upward and kissed his cheek, “Goodnight, Eren.” I muttered before lowering my head back down onto his chest.
And as I was drifting off to sleep, I could have sworn I heard him babble- nearly incoherent- and trailing off into snores at the end, “Night, Minnie…”