Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

LHS Student Body

Diamant: Good morning everyone! I have been informed of a new student joining our student body today! He’s the child of our Principal Lumera Divinity, so please, do your best to make him feel welcome!

Zephia: So basically, treat him like a god because if we don’t we’re fucked.

Diamant: Please refrain from the use of coarse language in this group chat.

Etie: We’ll take that as a yes.

Diamant: …

Timerra: LMAO yeah basically. Everyone on your best behavior!

Rosado: That especially goes for you, Goldmary!

Goldmary: Fuck you.

Rosado: When and where.

Goldmary: Homo.

Etie: Please take your weird sexual tension out of this group chat.

Alfred: Etie…

Etie: What?

Alfred: Be nice.

Etie: That was me being nice.

Goldmary: Teehee, you’re so funny Etie!

Gays Slay Always

Pristine Perfection: I’m gonna fucking kill her.

Gender? Don’t Know Her: Don’t… We’re only a month into the school year.

The Legendary Alpaca Master: She is also a bodybuilder, no doubt she outclasses you in strength.

Pristine Perfection: Excuse me?

Gender? Don’t Know Her: Goddamnit Amber.

The Legendary Alpaca Master: What?

The Legendary Alpaca Master: Why is she typing so much?

Gender? Don’t Know Her: deep, spiritual, genderless sigh

Pristine Perfection: I am the essence of perfection, you alpaca fucker. I am the very picture elegance and grace. My condition DEFINES pristine! I am THE BEST chef in Elyos, THE BEST dressed in Lythos High School, and overall THE BEST person in all of this damn school. I think I can handle a brolic bitch.

Furry Meringue: Bitch.

Bonet Appetit: Bitch.

Gender? Don’t Know Her: Bitch.

The Legendary Alpaca Master: oh my… such violence.

Pristine Perfection: Was it something I said?

Furry Meringue: Why is she even in this chat, she’s not even one of us.

Gender? Don’t Know Her: It’s GSA. Gay STRAIGHT Alliance.

Gender? Don’t Know Her: Plus, I vouched for her.

Bonet Appetit: unvouch her.

Gender? Don’t Know Her: Why tho.

Pristine Perfection: You wouldn’t want me out of here would you?

Pristine Perfection: [maleseduction.jpg]

Bonet Appetit: Nice try.

Pristine Perfection: You’re pansexual, I thought?

Bonet Appetit: Yes, I love hot, sexy skillets.

Pristine Perfection: what

Bonet Appetit: @Handsome Affogato remove her

Pristine Perfection: I haven’t done anything wrong!

The Legendary Alpaca Master: You called me an alpaca fucker! I would never fuck an alpaca!

Furry Meringue: As a furry, I was offended by your alpaca fucking comment.

Bonet Appetit: I’m the best chef in Elyos.

Gender? Don’t Know Her: You’re not the best dressed.

Pristine Perfection: Rosado! You’re supposed to be on my side!

Gender? Don’t Know Her: ily bestie! 🖤

Handsome Affogato removed Pristine Perfection from the conversation

Handsome Affogato: Alright, scrolled through and figured this was the best course of action.

Handsome Affogato: Plus, she’s a hetero. Ew.

Handsome Affogato rename the chat to GSA [minus the S]

Gender? Don’t Know Her: Does this have anything to do with the fact that you and Bunet are… ya know…

Handsome Affogato: nop

Bonet Appetit: never that

Gender? Don’t Know Her: mhm, okay.

va te faire foutre: you all talk too much.

Party Animals

Bonet Appetit: ily my sweet affogato 💛

Handsome Affogato: ily too babe 💛

Handsome Affogato: should we go public soon?

Bonet Appetit: probably.

Bonet Appetit: but the sneaking around and making our holy third feel unholy is so much fun

Handsome Affogato: so true 💛

Holy Pandoro: Uhm, guys, this isn’t your DMs?

Handsome Affogato: u can join if you want.

Holy Pandoro: Tempting me with sin is not a good idea.

Bonet Appetit: homosexuality?

Holy Pandoro: No dumbass.

Holy Pandoro: Threesomes.

Handsome Affogato: pray for forgiveness afterwards. i’ll help u get on your knees 😉

Holy Pandoro: …

Holy Pandoro: May the good Lord forgive me.

Racket of Solm

Tiramisu Racket: GUYS! have you met the new kid yet?

Furry Meringue: I haven’t had the chance yet, no.

Panettone Gothic: Oh, don’t worry, you’ll be able to find him easily. He has red and blue hair like a Pepsi can!

Furry Meringue: He sounds cool.

Panettone Gothic: He is! 

Panettone Gothic: He kinda twinkie like Alfred tho. I offered to give him lessons in how to fight!

Tiramisu Racket: panette wtf

Tiramisu Racket: u can’t just be telling people u can teach them how to throw hands

Panettone Gothic: In my defense, he said he would get back to me on it.

Tiramisu Racket: he was probably just being nice lmao

Furry Meringue: I agree.

Panettone Gothic: Again, half of our bonding time is fighting men that harass women. Figured it was a good way to assess if he’s a friend or foe.

Furry Meringue: Oh, that is a good strategy.

Tiramisu Racket: is it?

Furry Meringue: What were the results Panette?

Panettone Gothic: He’s a keeper.

Furry Meringue: Now that’s cool!

Tiramisu Racket: good 2 know ig

Tiramisu Racket: btw, band practice is tonight. I want you girls be familiar with “Bills, Bills, Bills” by Destiny’s Child and “What About Your Friends” by TLC by then.

Panettone Gothic: I genuinely think being both a Rock group and trying to be a Girl group isn’t a good idea.

Furry Meringue: But if it does work, it would be rather cool, would it not?

Panettone Gothic: Well, you got me there.

Tiramisu Racket: one more thing

Tiramisu Racket: panette check dms

DMs [Panette | Timerra]

Timerra: fogado finally decided to tell me that pandreo is ur FUCKING BROTHER?

Panette: oh

Panette: I wondered when this was gonna come up

Timerra: what happened? i mean, we’ve been friends for 2 years, run into him all the time, and u never not once brought him up

Panette: Why should I? We were separated, and now I see he’s this jesus freak after all this time.

Timerra: have you talked to him?

Panette: No. And I’m not planning to, so just drop it ok?

Timerra: okay

Timerra: actually before i do, fogado told me something else

Panette: what

Timerra: pandreo didnt want to push u, so hes been waiting for u to come to him

Timerra: idk if that means anything, but i figured it was worth mentioning

Panette: K

Timerra: r u mad at me

Panette: No. I’m still coming to practice tonight

Timerra: [furrieshugging.jpg]

Panette: Stealing Merrin’s memes now?

Timerra: its cute tho

Panette: True.

CrossFit Gang

LMAO NERD: Alfred change my name I’m begging you please.

Firenese Flower: idk u didn’t let me feel your triceps after our workout yesterday

Firenese Flower: change it yourself

LMAO NERD: Etie took away my admin permissions and I have no idea how.

Muscle Goddess: Oh, u left ur phone open when u went to check out books from the library yesterday. I went through it trying to find ur muscle gaining secret, but couldnt find it and decided to get the last laugh anyway.

LMAO NERD: What the fuck.

Muscle Goddess: Tell me ur secrets and u can have ur perms back.

LMAO NERD: HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THERE’S NO SECRET.

LMAO NERD: I HAVE A NATURAL, BIG, MUSCULAR BODY.

LMAO NERD: IT’S GENETICS.

LMAO NERD: I THOUGHT YOU WERE PASSING BIOLOGY????

Muscle Goddess: Oh im making that nerd who supplies my pickles do my homework. Clam?

Firenese Flower: *clanne

Muscle Goddess: Thx twink

LMAO NERD: Change my name.

Muscle Goddess: Give me ur secret

LMAO NERD: You know, this name is kinda growing on me.

Muscle Goddess: Fuck

Firenese Flower: lol i love u guys

Muscle Goddess: Love u too

LMAO NERD: Sure you do.

Firenese Flower: Anyway, not to sound weird or anything, but that new kid is kinda handsome. I love his hair.

Muscle Goddess: Ur not beating the twink allegations

Firenese Flower: fuck

Free Therapy

Poison Ivy: Holy fucking shit, Alear is so hot.

ONIGIRI: What is a alear

Poison Ivy: The new student at school.

Poison Ivy: I have never felt my heart flutter in such a way that he makes me feel.

Poison Ivy: He melts my cold, dead heart.

va te faire foutre: Ivy, you are sounding too warm.

va te faire foutre: Who is this student anyway?

Poison Ivy: I took a picture. See.

Poison Ivy: [futurehusband.jpg]

ONIGIRI: Is taking pictures of people without their knowledge a good thing?

va te faire foutre: Kagetsu, Ivy is happy for the first time in several months. Do not ruin it for her.

ONIGIRI: sorry 🙁

Poison Ivy: It’s okay.

Poison Ivy: I want him in me either way

ONIGIRI: How would he get to be in you? I don’t understand how this works.

va te faire foutre: Kagetsu.

ONIGIRI: Yes friend?

va te faire foutre: I’ll explain to you during our next passing period.

ONIGIRI: Thank you friend.

ONIGIRI: Also, Ivy, today you will listen to a song that matches your mood.

Poison Ivy: Wow, your fortunes are a little late. I’m already listening to love Rock songs.

ONIGIRI: Oh, I felt it earlier, I just remembered to mention it now.

Poison Ivy: …

Three Lesbians

…: guys.

…: the new kid.

…: i like his hair.

Citrine with two N’s: OH MY GOD.

Citrine with two N’s: LAPIS.

Citrine with two N’s: LAPIS GET THE FUCK ONLINE NEOW!

Citrine with two N’s: @Lapis

Lapis: I’m in class.

Citrine with two N’s: ik we all are

Citrine with two N’s: but guess WHAT

Lapis: Alcryst finds someone attractive.

Lapis: We will then try to help him, but he fumbles yet another shot at a romance so terribly, and we have a bad movie and ice cream night.

Lapis: I’d rather skip the heartbreak and right to the ice cream.

Citrine with two N’s: Lapis what the fuck

…: i never said i was in love with him.

…: i just like his hair.

Citrine with two N’s: Oh.

Citrine with two N’s: Sorry.

…: it’s okay.

…: could you maybe ask him what hair color that red is tho.

Citrine with two N’s: Of course babes!

Lapis: We got you!

Friends

Gemma Greene: The new student at school is very interesting.

The Legendary Alpaca Master: How so?

Gemma Greene: Split hair colors, heard of long before his arrival, everyone loves him when they first meet him…

Gemma Greene: He’s something out of a fairytale. Or an anime protagonist.

The Legendary Alpaca Master: Huh, I never thought of it like that. Yeah, you’re kinda right.

Diamant: I hope you’ve all been treating him kindly today.

The Legendary Alpaca Master: We should be telling YOU that. You’re the one that’s had to show him around campus!

Diamant: I take my duties seriously Amber. I’ve treated him with the utmost respect!

The Legendary Alpaca Master: Good to hear!

Gemma Greene: I will be sure to be kind to him as well, as I have no reason not to.

Diamant: He’s rather shy about his status, Jade. Please refrain from prying for new story ideas.

Gemma Greene: I wouldn’t do such a thing…

Diamant: Really now?

The Legendary Alpaca Master: BULLSHIT.

Gemma Greene: …For a first meeting.

The Legendary Alpaca Master: Oh, that makes sense.

Diamant: I see.

Gemma Greene: Not to worry, I’m a kind woman.

Diamant: Good to hear.

Diamant: Amber?

The Legendary Alpaca Master: If he doesn’t diss alpacas, I will be his best friend.

Diamant: But then who will be my best friend?

The Legendary Alpaca Master: Don’t act like half the conversations in this group chat aren’t you guys tag teaming and bullying me.

Gemma Greene: Well yes, but you enjoy it.

The Legendary Alpaca Master: …

Diamant: We’ll take that as a yes.

New Chat

Rosado added Goldmary and Hortensia to the conversation

Rosado changed their name to Gender? Don’t Know Her

Gender? Don’t Know Her changed Goldmary’s name to Pristine Perfection

Gender? Don't Know Her: After careful evaluation over the past month, we have decided to adopt you, Hortensia Elusia, as our new child!

Pristine Perfection: Welcome to the cutest family ever!

Hortensia: Aw, thanks guys! I can’t wait for us to slay together!

Gender? Don’t Know Her: Oh dear, we already are!

Hortensia: TEA!

Pristine Perfection: Well, not quite.

Hortensia: Huh?

Pristine Perfection: We need to change your name in this group chat Hortensia. Like, now.

Gender? Don’t Know Her: Yas, the hetero is right about that.

Pristine Perfection: You’re not off the hook for what happened in the GSA chat, I hope you know that.

Gender? Don’t Know Her: Why not? I’m cute!

Pristine Perfection: I’m cuter

Gender? Don’t Know Her: Debatable

Hortensia: Mom, Dad, stop fighting.

Gender? Don’t Know Her: Yeah Goldmary, not in front of the child!

Pristine Perfection: Yes, save this for the DMs, I suppose.

Pristine Perfection: Forgive us for that unbecoming moment, Hortensia. Now, choose your nickname.

Hortensia: How about…

Hortensia: Princess Cuteness!

Pristine Perfection: That’s perfect!

Gender? Don’t Know Her changed Hortensia’s name to Princess Cuteness

Gender? Don’t Know Her: Done!

Gender? Don’t Know Her: Now, one last order of business.

Princess Cuteness: What’s that?

Gender? Don’t Know Her: Chat name. What are we naming this group chat?

Pristine Perfection: I believe I had the prefect name earlier, calling us the “Cutest Family” and all.

Princess Cuteness: She’s right! I’m the daughter, and you two are my parents that fight like an old married couple!

Pristine Perfection: OLD?

Gender? Don’t Know Her: It’s a saying! A joke! Laugh a little!

Gender? Don’t Know Her: No objections on my end!

Gender? Don’t Know Her renamed the chat to Cutest Family

Gender? Don’t Know Her: And with that done, I suggest turning our attention back to class!

Pristine Perfection: Agreed. Wouldn’t want to get our phones taken away! Right daughter?

Gender? Don’t Know Her: Child?

Princess Cuteness: This is Mr. Eisner. Hortensia will have her phone back after the end of the school day. 

Gender? Don’t Know Her: LMAO NOT WE GOT HER IN TROUBLE ALREADY.

Princess Cuteness: Until I figure out how to turn the sound off on this phone, please refrain from messaging this chat room.

Pristine Perfection: There should be a long button on the side of the phone that controls the volume.

Princess Cuteness: I tried, it only made it louder.

Pristine Prefection: The lower button, right?

Princess Perfection: Yes.

Gender? Don’t Know Her: Is the phone upside down?

Princess Cuteness: I don’t believe so, no.

Gender? Don’t Know Her: Just try rotating it 180 degrees.

Princess Cuteness: It was upside down. The volume is off. Thank you for your cooperation. Pay attention to your classes.

Gender? Don’t Know Her: Today has been such a fun day bestie.

Pristine Perfection: I suppose you’re right, Rosado.

Tea Time

Queen of Tea: So, what’s the tea besties?

Tea Tank: Apparently, Alear’s (new student in school) hair is all natural, both the split red and blue.

Queen of Tea: Oh my!

PegasusLover17: From what I’ve heard, Etie went through Boucheron’s phone trying to find his “bodybuilding secrets”.

Queen of Tea: Oh, that Etie…

Queen of Tea: Well, I have witnessed at least three people fall in love with our new student.

Tea Tank: I counted seven.

PegasusLover17: I only saw one. Yikes.

Queen of Tea: You can go first Chloé!

PegasusLover17: Thanks!

PegasusLover17: Well, I believe the obvious one is Ivy.

Tea Tank: I could see that with my eyes closed.

Tea Tank: Oh wait.

Queen of Tea: I noticed that two Freshmen are absolutely infatuated with him. I believe their love is more idolization than any romantic interest.

PegasusLover17: Oh, are they the geeky twins, perchance?

Queen of Tea: Why yes!

PegasusLover17: I get it! I think he looks like their favorite character from that comic they read.

Queen of Tea: How very interesting.

Queen of Tea: Louis, who did you see?

Tea Tank: Well, on top of the three you mentioned, our new student has turned quite a bit of heads. He’s making Alcryst feel brave enough to fight for his affections.

PegasusLover17: Oh my, what a fairytale that love story would be! Who else?

Tea Tank: One hint: papayas.

Queen of Tea: Yunaka? I hope not. She’s so fake!

Tea Tank: I agree. Though, I wouldn’t be too opposed to Alear getting together with Fogado.

PegasusLover17: Oh, we should’ve guessed that one!

Queen of Tea: Are we sure it’s not just Fogado’s casual flirting?

Tea Tank: Trust me, this was definitely not the Fogado you know. He was leaning into his bits HARD.

PegasusLover17: Wait, aren’t he and Bunet an item?

Queen of Tea: Not officially.

PegasusLover17: How scandalous.

PegasusLover17: There’s one more right?

Tea Tank: Well, I didn’t count the twins, so there are three more actually.

Queen of Tea: This tea time is getting better and better!

Tea Tank: Goldmary is preparing her attempts to wow him.

Queen of Tea: Duh.

Tea Tank: As is Rosado.

Queen of Tea: NO…

PegasusLover17: They’re both fighting for him? And they’re best friends? Now that’s scandalous.

Queen of Tea: Who’s the last one? Don’t keep us in suspense!

Tea Tank: Well, you know how I mentioned Diamant’s brother as one of Alear’s potential S supports?

Queen of Tea: What’s an S support?

Tea Tank: idk, sounds fun to say though.

PegasusLover17: s support s support s support

PegasusLover17: He’s right, holy fuck!

Queen of Tea: Back to Diamant’s brother?

Tea Tank: Oh yes. So, what I didn’t mention was that Diamant himself has subtly caught feelings for Alear after spending most of his day with him.

Queen of Tea: NO FUCKING WAY.

PegasusLover17: NO WAY.

PegasusLover17: I would have guessed Alfred or Timerra or Amber would be on this list, but DIAMANT?

Queen of Tea: How do you know???

Tea Tank: Watch the next time the two of them have a conversation. He looks at him with a warmth only a lover has.

Tea Tank: Plus, he does that look back thing characters in television shows do.

PegasusLover17: How romantic. I don’t know who I ship the most!

Queen of Tea: Hold up. Chloé, you thought Alfred would be into Alear?

PegasusLover17: Well, yes.

Queen of Tea: PLEASE, Alear would need WAY more skin on his bones for that ssksakxnaklnsjcnubd

PegasusLover17: I suppose you’re right.

Queen of Tea: Well, this was a fun tea time.

PegasusLover17: Yes, it was!

Tea Tank: We must do it in person next time. I’ll prepare real tea for the three of us.

Queen of Tea: Oh Louis, that would be most wonderful!

LHS Student Body

Diamant has added Alear to the chat

Diamant: Welcome to the main student group chat, Alear! It is my pleasure to officially welcome you to Lythos High School!

Alear: Pleasure is all mine!

Yunaka: Hiya papaya Alear!

Alear: Hiya… papaya?

Jean: Welcome to Lythos Alear! You can stop by the science department of school anytime!

Seadall: Or if you don’t wish to be bored out of your mind, feel free to acquaint yourself with the theatre department.

Jean: MOVE.

Anna: Lacking any school supplies? I’m your gal… for a price.

Alear: Gee, ahaha, thanks guys!

Framme: OMGOMGOMGMGOGOGNEBJKABEHFVHJ

Alear: Is she okay?

Clanne: Sorry, she just does that.

Zephia: Freshmen are so embarrassing…

Framme: Shut up.

Zephia: Excuse you?

Framme: Alear, has anyone ever told you that you look like the Divine Dragon???

Clanne: OMG he does!

Framme: I’m saying, like?

Alear: Uh, no… what’s a dragon dragon?

Boucheron: It’s a comic series about a half dragon, half human who saves the world. He also has blue and red hair, like yours!

Etie: NERD ALERT!

Boucheron: 🙁

Veyle: Just googled it and he actually looks like you, Alear!

          [Alearquestionmark.jpg]

Veyle: Also, hi!

Alear: Holy shit. I do. And hi!

Framme: TOLD YOU!

Diamant: Please refrain from the use of coarse language in this chat Alear. We have certain individuals watching this server.

Alear: Oh sorry. Which ones?

Zephia: Check for yourself.

Zephia: Better yet.

Diamant: Please don’t tag them Zephia.

Alear: Why would she tag them?

Zephia: @Vander Steward @Claude Reigan @Seforia Solm @Byleth Eisner

Timerra: BRO

Panette: Die.

Marni: ZEPHI???

Amber: I can’t believe you’ve done this.

Zelkov: périr

Alfred: What is WRONG with you?

Claude: who pinged

Byleth: Zephia, is something the matter?

Seforia: u better have a good fucking reason for fucking @ing me

Zephia: I do. One of the biggest rules in this server is to refrain from cursing, but here is Alear doing it.

Zephia: ON HIS VERY FIRST DAY MIND YOU.

Byleth: …

Zephia: Punish him like you punish the rest of us.

Griss: punish me too

Zephia: Not now masochist

Griss: aw

Claude: …

Zephia: Hello? Do something?

Seforia: girl stfu

Seforia: you fr thought you ate thatasjdbadjk

Zephia: Excuse me?

Seforia: ur excused

Claude: im saying like, everyone curses

Zephia: Are you serious????

Byleth: Zephia, when you cursed this morning, did you get in trouble?

Zephia: Uhm

Byleth: Or the day before?

Zephia: Well

Seforia: she didnt. Bc we really dont gaf

Claude: fr tho

Claude: Wait nvm Vander just got online for the first time in several days ABORT ABORT ABORT

Seforia: save urselfs

Timerra: MOM

Seforia: get out while u can bby

Vander: Finally fixed my password issue.

Vander: Jesus Christ, you all were having a field day in this chatroom, weren’t you?

Vander: First order of business...

Vander has removed Claude from the conversation

Vander: He took my parking spot this morning, and I'm feeling spiteful knowing I'm going to have to sit in a hot carseat this afternoon.

Vander: Onto the next...

Zephia: Punish Alear.

Alear: I apologize for my language, Vander.

Vander: We’ll talk about this later.

Zephia: Are you kidding me?

Vander: As for you, Zephia…

Zephia: WHAT THE FUCK?

The Four Hounds

Masochist Kink: so, how did it go

Dominatrix Kink: I will hurt everyone in this school.

Masochist Kink: hurt me too mommy

Dominatrix Kink: only if you beg for it 💗

Masochist Kink: 🥺

Praise Kink: can you guys stop having sex in front of my salad?

Dominatrix Kink: ur so amazing Marni

Masochist Kink: we love u Marni

Praise Kink: aw thx guys

Praise Kink: wait.

Dominatrix Kink: ANYWAY, what are we planning to do about that new kid?

Praise Kink: That Pepsi can motherfucker? What can we do?

Depressed: Why do anything?

Dominatrix Kink: bcuz everyone is in love with him for literally no reason.

Depressed: Perhaps it’s the hair.

Dominatrix Kink: that shit is ugly and you know it.

Masochist Kink: Honestly, and even worse, he has VANDER wrapped around his finger.

Dominatrix Kink: it’s our Senior Year (minus Marni we love you), and I’m not having it ruined by this half and half.

Praise Kink: And just for that, I’m in!

Depressed: There is literally 0 reason to do any of this. Just leave the Principal’s son be.

Dominatrix Kink: isn’t Veyle trying to win both HoCo and Prom royalty? you know ever since they settled that lawsuit with Rosado, they’ve only done one winner instead one for men and women, right? inclusive and gender neutral and all that bullshit.

Depressed: …

Depressed: I’ll take down that Confederate flag looking motherfucker if it’s the last thing I ever do.

Dominatrix Kink: Sounds like we’re all onboard!

Dominatrix Kink renamed the chat to Sprite is better

Praise Kink: I like Dr. Pepper more

Dominatrix Kink: ew

Dominatrix Kink: I mean

Dominatrix Kink has deleted a message

Dominatrix Kink: You can have all the Dr. Pepper you want after we get the half and half up outta here

Praise Kink: YAY!

Masochist Kink: So, uh, about the thing mommy…

Dominatrix Kink: Meet me in the parking lot after school.

Praise Kink: K, gonna actually focus on school now.

Now Texting: Mom / Principal

Remember sweetheart, I’ll be home later tonight, so make sure

that you eat something and finish your homework!

Yes mom!

How was your first day of school?

Fun! I met so many interesting people, and all of my teachers

were great! I liked Mr. Marth the most!

He is a kindred spirit, that’s for sure!

Happy to hear that public school is treating you well! Is there

anything troubling you?

Not particularly.

Well, actually…

What is it?

They’re calling me Pepsi already.

GOD DAMN IT.

Chapter Text

Official Lythos Book Club

Boucheron added Clanne , Framme , Jean , Veyle , Jade , Yunaka , Chloé, Pandreo , and Alear to the conversation

Clanne : Don’t forget the advisor. It’s an official conversation after all.

Boucheron : You’re right!

Boucheron added Roy to the conversation

Boucheron : And I think that’s everyone.

Roy : Yes, this is everyone that has signed up so far.

Roy : Now, I’m only the advisor, so I’m not going to assign you guys anything besides a room to meet.

Roy : That said, I think you guys should think of a book to read together. That way each time you meet, you can discuss your thoughts on each chapter.

Yunaka : I suppose the unwritten part about that is that the book should be a book we’re all unfamiliar with?

Roy : That would be best, yes. Discuss that amongst yourselves as I mute this conversation.

Framme : Dang, I really thought we were gonna be able to read Divine Dragon here.

Jade : Think of it as a way to branch out! Read something interesting you would usually never pick up.

Pandreo : I agree! I could go without rereading the Bible again for a while.

Veyle : Again?

Pandreo : again

Veyle : Wow, Christianity sounds hard.

Pandreo : real

Yunaka : Well, Bouchie, you’re the one who pushed for me to join this club, what book should we read?

Boucheron : So glad you asked Yunaka! There’s this one book that I believe everyone would enjoy! It has romance, action, and dunks on religion! Even some of the staff recommended the book to me!

Chloé : Really now? Which ones?

Boucheron : Mr. Eisner, Mrs. Hresvelg, Mr. Blaiddyd, and Mr. Riegan! They all care DEEPLY about that book!

Jean : What's the book called?

Boucheron : Or should I say… books.

Alear : Why do I hear boss music?

Boucheron : I believe we should read “Three Houses” by Seteth Cichol!

Yunaka : Zappy! I’m in!

Jade : Jesus Christ Boucheron! That’s a monster of a read!

Boucheron : Have you read it?

Jade : No, but I grabbed the Azure Moon edition in the library and decided that one day I would write a book just as, if not, longer.

Boucheron : That’s a great goal, Jade!

Veyle : Just googled the book and there are three different books that are roughly the same number of pages.

Framme : Bouchie, I barely like reading as is, so how are we gonna tackle each of these thousand page books by the end of the year, let alone ONE?

Jean : Not even my science textbooks compare to the shortest route…

Yunaka : I love a good challenge! Count me in, but which book is the first one!

Clanne : I say we try for a different book. A much more attainable goal.

Chloé : Yunaka, I need you to be so serious right now. I love a good fairytale but this is ridiculous!

Alear : Boucheron, help us out here.

Boucheron : Alright, I can see how scary it is, but it’s not as bad as you think!

Jean : It’s over a thousand pages long.

Boucheron : And you won’t be reading a good portion of it if you follow the directions as you should.

Framme : WDYM

Boucheron : “Three Houses” is the most ambitious “Choose Your Own Adventure” book of its genre! Each book isn’t a trilogy, but rather a different route following the three different houses you can join in the Academy. Depending on the route you choose and the choices you make, you get to three MAIN outcomes, with different endings and routes within those boundaries. As you skip different decisions that lead to different outcomes, you will skip around and skip countless pages! The thousand page book will quickly turn into a good 700-800 pages from what I’ve heard. Not as intimidating as it first looks, right?

Boucheron : Guys?

Boucheron : I scared you guys off, didn’t I?

Jean : Can we please not read something so daunting? Leisure reading is supposed to be fun!

Pandreo : I agree. Plus, I heard things about the author that may not appeal to everyone.

Boucheron : There are lesbians in the book.

Pandreo : I’m in.

Chloé : Really Pandreo? Just like that?

Pandreo : I support the LGBT!

Alear : I would love to read this book Boucheron!

Framme : Then ig I’ll read it too

Clanne : Same.

Veyle : I want to read it! Maybe I can get some friends to read it too!

Chloé : Are you guys sure about this?

Yunaka : Well, you and Jean are welcome to leave if you don’t want to read this book Chloe!

Chloé : Really Yunaka?

Yunaka : Yup! Majority rules, bitch! ❤️

Yunaka : Sorry, that was really mean.

Chloé : You’re not.

Jean : Yeah, I’m not reading that. I’m trying to graduate early lol.

Jean : Y’all have fun though!

Jean has left the conversation

Yunaka : Well Chloé?

Jade : Yeah, unless you have a better book to read, I think we’re settled on Three Houses.

Chloé : ykw, I will. under one condition

Boucheron : What’s that?

Chloé : Add Louis.

Boucheron : Does he want to join?

Chloé : He’s been saying that he’s been meaning to read the book. Now he will have no choice! 😇

Boucheron : I will later, just have him remind me!

Boucheron : Alright, good talk guys. I'll have more details about our first official meeting later. I have something to take care of, so take care!

Veyle : Bye!

CrossFit Gang

LMAO NERD : Etie, change my name.

Muscle Goddess : No.

LMAO NERD : Then I guess I WON’T save one of these JUICY, SUCCULENT BAKED POTATOES for you whenever you decide to come to lunch either…

LMAO NERD : Etie?

Sprite is better

Praise Kink : So, we all saw that ginger bitch sprint through the hallways, right?

Masochist Kink : I heard her before I saw her.

Masochist Kink : So loud I thought we had an earthquake lmao

Praise Kink : FR!!

Praise Kink : She said FEE FI FO FUM!

Masochist Kink : LMAOAFNOIACN MArni ur so funny!

Praise Kink : Thanks Griss ❤️

Depressed : Not to distract or anything, but Veyle wants us to join the school’s new book club with her.

Masochist Kink : “Us”? Or “you”?

Depressed : She specifically requested the four of us.

Praise Kink : I hate books.

Masochist Kink : Paper cuts are the lamest forms of pain.

Dominatrix Kink : Is the half and half in the book club with her?

Depressed : Yes.

Praise Kink : fuck

Masochist Kink : fuck

Dominatrix Kink : Tell her that we’d be most delighted to join the Book Club!!

Depressed : Okay.

Tea Time

Queen of Tea : Alright, what happened?

PegasusLover17 : Yunaka is a fake cunt. Louis is in the book club with me. Alear holds a lot of sway.

Queen of Tea : That’s not what I meant but thanks for that update babes! 💛

Tea Tank : Food fight.

Queen of Tea : I know Louis. How did it start?

Tea Tank : Someone threw food at Zelkov, Zelkov threw it at Framme, Kagetsu yelled “food fight!”

Tea Tank : That’s all I caught, I’m afraid.

Queen of Tea : Were you focusing on something else?

Tea Tank : Not now, Céline. It’s getting insane here. Talk later.

PegasusLover17 : He’ll be fine.

DMs [Ike | Vander]

Vander : Please forward the incident report to me ASAP.

Ike : Just finished it up. There’s a lot so hang tight.

DATE: Wednesday, Horsebow Moon 17

PARTIES: Etie Nishimura (EN), Goldmary Price (GP), Zelkov Matranga (ZM), Framme Briner (FB), Clanne Briner (CB), Kagetsu Kensei (KK), Saphir Ewulu (SE), Ivy Elusia (IE), Hortensia Elusia (HE), Rosado Timothy Anderson (RA), Anna Ernest (AE), Lumera Divinity (LD)

DATE PROCESSED: Wednesday, Horsebow Moon 17

EN ran into the cafeteria and stopped in front of where the baked potatoes were. There was only one left. EN waited a moment before grabbing it, with SE noting she was saying how everything was going well that day. Then, GP cut in front of her and took the baked potato. The two got into a short verbal altercation until GP ate the entire baked potato in front of her.

Angry, EN grabbed a nearby milk carton and threw it at GP. The latter dodged it and the carton landed on ZM instead. When ZM asked who threw the milk, EN shifted blame to GP. He threw an apple at GP, who dodged yet another food item, this one landing on FB. In retaliation, FB and her twin, CB, threw carrot sticks which landed on ZM, KK, IE, HE, and RA. GP dodged again.KK jumped up on the table and yelled “Food fight!”, and from there it was an all out war. 

Naming everything that occurred in this seven minute period is overzealous and unnecessary, but worth noting is that SE attempted to bring peace to the cafeteria, as she is the Lead Lunch Aide at Lythos High School. She paused the fight for a few moments, and then everyone barraged her with food items. SE and the rest of the lunch aides then joined the growing battle. AE was also selling food items from her duffle bag, adding more ammo to the fray.

LD entered the cafeteria as she was passing by. At the sound of her voice, the fight came to a stop.

Vander : Jesus Christ… my grandchildren will be hearing from me about this.

Ike : Go easy on em. Food fights are a part of the school experience.

Vander : I never got into a food fight at school.

Ike : That’s cuz youre a buzzkill that doesn’t know how to have fun.

Vander : Excuse me?

Ike : All according to student testimonies and Claude.

Vander : Okay, good to know.

LHS Student Body

Vander : @ Claude Riegan

Claude : this isnt our dms vander

Vander : Oh, trust me, I know.

Vander : I just wanted you to witness it this time.

Claude : witness what

Vander : Ike told me what you told him.

Claude : fuck

Claude : vander i can explain

Vander has removed Claude from the conversation

Timerra : BROOOO IM CRYING 😭😭😭

Fogado : #freeclaude

Alfred : not again 😭

Amber : I do believe some Fs in the chat are in order.

Jade : F

Clanne : f

Framme : f

Citrinne : F

Boucheron : F 😭😭

Marni : f

Rosado : F

Hortensia : F

Zephia : Pepsi next.

Vander : No.

Vander has removed Zephia from the conversation

Griss : The hell!? She didn’t break a rule!

Vander : I do not have the time.

Griss : Mute the gc then, hag!

Vander : Better idea:

Vander has muted Griss for 24 hours

Amber : Damn, I believe more Fs are in order.

Vander has muted Amber for 24 hours

Vander : As you all can see, I am NOT in the mood after today’s events.

Clanne : f

Framme : f

Vander : Anyone else spams the chat with an “F” will be muted-

Clanne : uh oh

Vander : …

Framme : gramps dont pls

Vander has muted Clanne and Framme for 24 hours

Vander : We’ll talk LATER.

Fogado : Guys quickly, spam reactions on Vander’s messages! Fight the mad power!

Vander has muted Fogado for 24 hours

Vander : You really think that’ll work kid?

   🍆 33

Vander : Alright, that’s it. 

Vander : Anyone who SPEAKS in this chat about something not school related WILL GET MUTED.

Diamant : Guys stop, this is really immature and unbecoming of us.

Alear : Please guys, this is getting ridiculous.

Diamant : …

Alear : Vander we were trying to help!

Vander : My apologies.

Vander has muted Alear and Diamant for 24 hours

Vander : Examples must be made to further prove my point.

Vander : Also, don’t think I didn’t catch you two reacting eggplants @ Byleth Eisner @ Seforia Solm  

Byleth : It was funny.

Byleth : Wait fuck.

Vander has muted Byleth for 24 hours

Byleth has renamed the conversation Seforia do the thing

Vander : What thing?

Seforia has removed Vander from the conversation

Seforia added Claude and Zephia to the conversation

Seforia has unmuted Griss, Amber, Clanne, Framme, Fogado, Alear, Diamant, and Byleth

Seforia : dont worry yall, the big scary dean of discipline cant hurt any of you anymore

Claude : remind me to buy you a burger tomorrow

Seforia : 💜

I Fight For My Friends

Soren : My students are unfocused on their work due to something on their phones. I’ve confiscated their phones for the day, but can one of you tell me what was so engaging?

Marth : No idea, but the same thing is happening here.

Chrom : Couldn’t tell ya

Lucina : Nor can I

Roy : I really don’t care tbh

Micaiah : I could ask one of the students here Soren, I believe it’s happening in my class as well.

Corrin : So I’m not the only one, cool.

Robin : Snuck a look at the phones, it looks like a group chat, but I’m still confused.

Ike : Stuck writing another incident report. Since I ain’t a teacher.

Soren : Wait, @ Byleth Eisner you’re in the Student Body group chat, right?

Micaiah : That’s right, he is! What’s going on??

Byleth : My bad. Vander went on a rampage in the group chat due to today’s events and because of something Claude told Ike.

Ike : Oh, that’s what he did after I told him.

Soren : Someone needs to give that man a vacation.

Soren : Or he needs to quit, one of the two.

Robin : Agreed.

Chrom : Oh shit. Ike, you’re needed in the cafeteria again.

Ike : Another food fight?

Chrom : Nope. FIST fight between two of the students cleaning up the mess.

Lucina : Cat fight actually. Etie and Goldmary, according to my student’s live stream.

Roy : Well, someone called that being the first real fight of the school year. Who won?

Ike : Pay up.

Corrin : And OF COURSE it’s Ike.

Micaiah : He got the first pick when we made the bet! Not fair!

Ike : We’ll pull the money to go crazy Friday night, how’s that sound?

Marth : Sounds like we’ll need more than just a drink by the end of this week.

   🙏 9

DMs [Etie | Goldmary]

Etie : This isn’t over.

Goldmary : Die.

Etie : You’re lucky that absolutely YOKED security guard pulled me off of you.

Goldmary : Again, please die.

Etie : I’ll get your ass on your best AND worst day, believe that!

Goldmary : DIE.

You can’t send anymore messages to this user

Chapter Text

Racket of Solm

Tiramisu Racket : GURRRLLLLLSSS!!!!!!!!!

Tiramisu Racket : GURRSLSLLSRSLSSSSS!!

Furry Meringue : Yes Titi?

Panettone Gothic : What is it, Timerra?

Tiramisu Racket : GURLS!! SO YOU KNOW HOW I TOLD IKE ABOUT OUR BAND???

Panettone Gothic : The security guard?

Tiramisu Racket : YASSSSS.

Tiramisu Racket : WELL HE GOT US AN APPROVED ROOM TO PRACTICE IN!!!! IN SCHOOLLSKAHJ11111!!!

Furry Meringue : WHAT

Panettone Gothic : HOLY SHIT

Tiramisu Racket : SO COOL, RIGHT??

Panettone Gothic : YOUR MOM WONT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT GETTING NOISE COMPLAINTS ANYMORE!!

Furry Meringue : THIS IS THE COOLEST THING YOUVE DONE YET TITI ILYY! 🐺💙

Tiramisu Racket : WE’RE GOING TO TEST IT OUT DURING STUDY HALL

Panettone Gothic : Wait, where is it?

Tiramisu Racket : Oh, near the language department.

Furry Meringue : Near Mrs. Azure-Smith’s classroom? That big room, right?

Tiramisu Racket : Yep!

Furry Meringue : [furrieshugging.jpg]

Panettone Gothic : [vampirelesbians.jpg]

Tiramisu Racket : ily guys sm!!!! 💛

Drama Club

Seadall added Alear, Clanne, Framme, Jean, Anna, Yunaka, Alfred, Céline, Boucheron, Etie, Chloé, Louis, Diamant, Alcryst, Amber, Jade, Citrinne, Lapis, Ivy, Hortensia, Zelkov, Kagetsu, Rosado, Goldmary, Timerra, Fogado, Merrin, Panette, Bunet, Pandreo, Zephia, Griss, Marni, Mauvier and Veyle to the conversation.

Seadall : Please consider joining the Drama Club.

Fogado : nah

Fogado, Bunet, and Pandreo have left the conversation

Griss : I’m not masochistic enough for this.

Seadall : what

Zephia, Griss, Marni, Mauvier, and Veyle left the conversation.

Alear : My apologies.

Seadall : Alear don’t please

Alear has left the conversation.

Framme : If Pepsi goes, I go!

Clanne, Framme, Jean, Anna, Alfred, Céline, Boucheron, Etie, Chloé, Louis, Diamant, Alcryst, Amber, Jade, Citrinne, Lapis, Ivy, Hortensia, Zelkov, Kagetsu, Rosado, and Goldmary have left the conversation.

Seadall : Yunaka?

Yunaka : Uh, I just joined the book club. I’m trying to make more friends here.

Seadall : I can be your friend! If you’ll allow me.

Yunaka : I… I’m not very good onstage.

Seadall : We can work on that, I promise.

Yunaka : Uh…

Yunaka : Okay! I’ll stay!

Seadall : THANK YOU OMG!!

Seadall : So, that’s you and Timerra, Merrin, and Panette! Not too bad considering.

Panette : My apologies. We were setting up a quick band rehearsal, we weren’t focused on our phones.

Seadall : Join Drama Club?

Timerra : LOL NOP

Panette : …Perhaps another time.

Merrin : Being a furry is hard enough.

Timerra, Merrin, and Panette have left the conversation.

Seadall : …

Seadall : At least you’re here, Yunaka!

Yunaka : 💜

Veronica : We really need to work on our marketing tactics, Seadall.

Free Therapy

Poison Ivy : Guys.

Poison Ivy : My future husband is studying in the library.

Poison Ivy : What do I do? Should I bother him? Should I just silently take a seat across from him in hopes that he strikes up a conversation with me?

Poison Ivy : Please, someone help me.

ONIGIRI : Attack the problem, head on!

Poison Ivy : I DONT WANT TO ATTACK MY DIVINE ONE????

va te faire foutre : i believe he means that he wants you to do something. 

va te faire foutre : should you not attempt to make a move, someone else will.

va te faire foutre : go get your man.

Poison Ivy : You’re right Zelkov!

Poison Ivy : I

Poison Ivy : ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME????

ONIGIRI : Is that a fire alarm?

va te faire foutre : yes.

va te faire foutre : ivy follow your man, and follow the fire drill orders your teachers give you

Teacher’s Lounge

Ike : Is everyone out?

      👍 39

Ike : Good.

Vander : Has anyone located the fire? The fire department is en route.

Marth : I don’t smell one.

Leif : There is no sight of smoke, either.

Soren : A cretin pulled the fucking alarm.

Celica : We shouldn’t rush to that kind of judgement.

Ike : Someone pulled the fire alarm in the language department.

Celica : shit

Soren : Pull the cameras, Ike. Get the little cunt that did this.

Morion : My god, Soren.

Soren : What.

Morion : Why are you a teacher if you hate children?

Soren : Torturing innocent souls is fun.

Ike : Finished my sweep. No fire, but a fire alarm in the language department was pulled.

Eirika : Oh dear…

Ephraim : Whoever pulled the fire alarm needs to be punished. It’s only right.

DMs [Eirika | Ephraim]

Eirika : So…

Eirika : Do you love me Ephyyyyyy ❤️

Ephraim : I can hear your voice now.

Ephraim : What happened?

Eirika : So I kinda sorta maybe…

Eirika : pulled the fire alarm

Ephraim : what

Ephraim : The hell what how what?????

Eirika : So, I heard this sound that sounded like the fire alarms. However, when I looked at the alarm itself, I saw that it wasn’t flashing like it should. So, I figured, pull it for safety reasons.

Ephraim : What the actual…

Eirika : I knoooow. What should I do? Do you think I could lose my job for this?

Ephraim : Don’t worry about that right now. What was the sound you heard?

Eirika : It was scary and like a howl now that I think about it. The sound was like a screeching alarm, but it dipped lower in tone now that I think about it.

Ephraim : Like… a song?

Eirika : In a way, yes.

Ephraim : Who is all in your class?

Eirika : All of my students were in my class, I remember-

Eirika : Wait… Seforia’s kid is close to my line.

Ephraim : Timerra or Fogado?

Eirika : The girl, so Timerra.

Ephraim : Is a ginger goth and/or a blonde furry with her?

Eirika : Both are, yes.

Ephraim : oh fuck.

Eirika : What is it??

Ephraim : i think what you heard is that band singing…

Eirika : …

Eirika : Well shit.

LHS Student Body

Vander : So, as we all return to our classes, it is important that all of you know that a student was the one that pulled the fire alarm and caused this pause in classes. If anyone has any information, ANY at all, please tell me or a trusted teacher, who can then forward the report to me or security.

Claude : How are we so sure it was a student that pulled it?

Vander : Don’t ask stupid questions, Claude. What teacher would pull the fire alarm?

Claude : There’s no tests or quizzes today, I don’t see why a student would pull the alarm.

Vander : That’s enough out of you.

Vander has removed Claude from the conversation.

Vander has added Ike to the conversation.

Vander : Ike, where was the alarm triggered at?

Ike : Language department.

Ike : Please stop removing Claude from the chat.

Vander : How did you know?

Ike : I can see it.

Fogado : Chat history is on.

Vander : Okay. Well.

Vander : Again, any information to catch the culprit who stole productive learning time today is very much appreciated.

Free Therapy

va te faire foutre : did you talk to him ivy?

Poison Ivy : No. That motherfucker who pulled the fire alarm pulled Alear away from me. We were separated, and when I finally found him, he was stuck in conversation with that fucking skank of a librarian!

ONIGIRI : Miss Nohr is nice!

Poison Ivy : FUCK HER.

va te faire foutre : so what now

Poison Ivy : We find the student responsible for this sick idea of a joke. Punish them, turn them in to Vander, and we get on his good side. Vander loves Alear, so being in his good graces will bring us closer together, and more opportunities will arise to speak with him.

ONIGIRI : Wouldn’t be easier to just approach Alear himself.

va te faire foutre : …

Poison Ivy : …

ONIGIRI : I’m sorry

DMs [Ike | Etie]

Etie : I have information that can lead to the arrest of Goldmary Price.

Ike : Any hard evidence?

Etie : well no its just a testimony

Ike : No.

Etie : damn

CrossFit Gang

Muscle Goddess : didnt work

LMAO NERD : Maybe if you didn’t take my admin permissions away, this wouldn’t happen.

Muscle Goddess : debatable

DMs [Ike | Goldmary]

Goldmary : I have information that can lead to the arrest of Etie Nishimura.

Ike : Any hard evidence?

Goldmary : Please, you must believe me! She is guilty, I tell you. Guilty!

Goldmary : [ikeseductionspecial.jpg]

Ike : Okay, 1. I’m gay, 2. There is a power imbalance that would make something like this not work, 3. You’re a minor.

Ike : I’m deleting your messages on my end, I strongly suggest you delete them on your end. I will pretend this never happened.

Goldmary : My apologies.

Cutest Family

Pristine Perfection : IKE IS FUCKING GAY.

Gender? Don’t Know Her : I KNEW IT.

Princess Cuteness : LMAOAJODFJFEAEE

Gender? Don’t Know Her : I TOLD YOU AND YOU DIDNT FUCKING BELIEVE ME

Pristine Perfection : SHUT UP

Pristine Perfection : BISEXUAL MEN EXIST

Princess Cuteness : True…

Gender? Don’t Know Her : BUT HE AIN’T ONE OF THEM

Princess Cuteness : TRUE ASANSKCNAJKAAECEB

Pristine Perfection : Die.

DMs [Ike | Marni]

Marni : I have information that can lead to the arrest of Alear Divinity.

Ike : Oh really now? With what evidence?

Marni : Four eyewitnesses including myself!

Ike : Cameras confirmed that Alear was in the library the whole time when the alarm was triggered.

Marni : Okay, fine, be that way!

Marni : Use your cameras to see who pulled the alarm!

Ike : Conveniently, the camera aimed where the alarm is placed, is the one we’re waiting for a mechanic to fix.

Marni : Well that sucks. Sorry to make your job harder.

Ike : Thanks kid. I got a good laugh out of it.

     ❤️ 1

Sprite is better

Praise Kink : He has hard evidence that it’s not Red Vines.

Praise Kink : He did thank me for making him laugh tho!

Depressed : I knew it wouldn’t work.

Dominatrix Kink : Still worth a try, though. Thank you Marni! ❤️

Praise Kink : Any time, Zephia!

Dominatrix Kink : Did we all get our Three Houses books btw?

Depressed : Yes. I went the Verdant Wind route with Veyle.

Masochist Kink : I went with the Crimson Flower route. So did Zephi.

Praise Kink : Am I really the only one that went the Azure Moon route?

Depressed : Well, yes.

Masochist Kink : We love you anyway! 💚

                         ❤️1

DMs [Eirika | Ephraim]

Eirika : I have to tell the truth! I can’t hold this in!

Ephraim : Okay, tell Seforia first.

Eirika : Right, I shouldn’t blindside her.

LHS Student Body

Seforia : I have information that can lead to the arrest of Eirika Azure-Smith.

Ike : Not my DMs.

Céline : The TEACHER????

Rosado : NOT MRS EIRIKA???

Seforia : I think everyone needs to hear this.

Vander : Everyone?

Seforia added Eirika and Claude to the conversation.

Vander : Yup, everyone.

Seforia : @ Eirika Azure-Smith tell them what you told me

Eirika : Hi everyone.

Eirika : I regret to inform you all that I was the one that pulled the fire alarm this morning.

           🤯 25 😭 37 😦 14

Alfred : WHAT

Rosado : GASP

Diamant : HOW

Framme : NO WAY

Griss : INCANEUIBVAVBCUBEIYAKBCJKDNCSA

Ivy : THIS CANT BE

Claude : VINDICATION

Claude : EAT SHIT @ Vander Brake

Vander has removed Claude from the conversation.

Seforia : yall aint ready for the reason why

Eirika : I heard a loud shrieking noise and thought it was a fire alarm.

Eirika : I didn’t see the lights flashing, so I figured I would help by pulling the alarm.

Eirika : Turns out… I’m so sorry, Timerra.

Timerra : ?

Eirika : I mistook your band’s singing for a fire alarm.

           😭 30 🤣 22 💀 30

Timerra : oh

Fogado : what

Rosado : LMAODHCUIAEBC

Zephia : IM CRYING

Chloé : WHY IS THAT SO FUNNY

Jean : That’s hilarious!

Alfred : I FEEL BAD FOR TIMERRA?????

Marni : YOU GUYS ARE THAT BAD?

Ivy : Mrs. Azure-Smith, you cannot be serious.

Seadall : This wouldn’t have happened if you guys joined the Drama club

Pandreo : They aren’t that bad tho???? 😭 Unless they were trying to sing that Mariah Carey song again.

Merrin : We were.

Pandreo : well

Eirika : I’m so sorry Timerra, it’s all my fault!

Alear : She just ran out of the classroom when you sent that message.

Panette : She’s crying in the bathroom.

Merrin : Did you have to say that!?

Eirika : I just wanted to own up to my mistake! I’m so sorry I hurt you Timerra!

Ike : I guess I’m also at fault. I was told the wrong room was soundproof and that’s why I told Timerra to go to that classroom. I should have checked before giving them the go ahead.

Panette : Timerra is really upset, but she says it’s okay.

Ike : There’s a few soundproof rooms in the Arts department, I’m sure one of them is the one big enough for your band.

Panette : Thank you.

Merrin : Mr. Eisner, Timerra will be back in class soon.

Byleth : She can take all the time she needs. That stung.

Eirika : I am truly sorry! I didn’t mean for it to hurt you!

Fogado : What did you think was gonna happen when you basically told my sister that her singing sucks. It’s one thing coming from me, but you embarrassed the hell out of her here!

Seforia : foga calm down. Im talking to titi now and she says shes not mad at eirika

Fogado : still 🙄

Seforia : dont roll your eyes at me

Fogado : sorry

Pandreo : If it’s any consolation, I think you guys are good singers when you make songs your own! I hope this doesn’t come out wrong, but stop trying to be another group, be yourselves, and do what works for you!

               💛 10

Timerra : thx Pandreo.

              🧡 25

Racket of Solm

Tiramisu Racket : i think i got it

Furry Meringue : Got what exactly?

Tiramisu Racket : pandreo is right

Tiramisu Racket : we need to do our own thing!

Panettone Gothic : Are you saying what I think you’re saying?

Tiramisu Racket : i love our lil cute songs, and we can still do them for fun

Tiramisu Racket : but if we’re gonna talk this seriously, we have to go full on rock baby

Panettone Gothic : YESJKBDCAICNCMCAL

Panettone Gothic : OMG ILY

Panettone Gothic : [vampirelesbianstwoelectricboogaloo]

Furry Meringue : That is so cool! I can’t wait to prove everyone wrong about us!

Panettone Gothic : I suppose we should… thank Pandreo.

Tiramisu Racket : Have you talked to him yet?

Panettone Gothic : No, but I will rn

Panettone Gothic : I promise.

Furry Meringue : Please do, I think he’s our biggest stan lol

Tiramisu Racket : You won’t regret it, I promise!

Panettone Gothic : ok

DMs [Pandreo | Panette]

Panette : hi

Pandreo : Panette, hi! How are you? Is Timerra okay?

Panette : Yes, she’s fine, thanks to you.

Pandreo : Really? Good to hear!

Panette : Yes. Timerra means a lot to me, so I truly do thank you.

Pandreo : Aw, that’s sweet.

Panette : So, can we meet sometime? We have a lot to talk about and I think I’ve put it off long enough.

Pandreo : Is today okay? I can buy us dinner!

Panette : Yes, it’s okay. I would like that very much.

Pandreo : Alright! Meet me in the parking lot after school, okay?

Panette : I will!

Chapter Text

DMs [Panette | Timerra]

Timerra : SOOOOOOOOOOO

Panette : So what?

Timerra : DEEEEETS

Timerra : HOW DID TALKING TO YOUR BRO GO?

Panette : It was fine.

Timerra : DE. TAILS. NOW.

Panette : Pandreo has always been nice, even when we were young. I was the demon child, he was way too mature for his age.

Panette : He’s also a really good listener. He made me feel comfortable, talked a bit about how life has been for him while tip-toeing around stuff that might make me uncomfortable, and…

Panette : Fuck Titi, I found myself opening up to him! He’s nice! He’s my brother! I love him!

Timerra : thats great

Panette : But at the same time I fucking hate him!

Timerra : oh 😀

Timerra : i know you guys were split up in foster care, but do you really hate him?

Panette : That’s the thing: I don’t hate HIM… I hate how easy he got it.

Panette : He got a clean Christian family; I got several abusive families that didn’t want me. He was able to stay with the church even after our failures of parents; I was pushed away slowly but surely. He got to stay himself; I was forced to adopt a personality befitting of someone in my standing.

Panette : IT’S NOT FAIR TIMERRA

Panette : Sorry.

Timerra : so youre jealous. i get it.

Panette : Essentially, yes I am.

Timerra : have you told this to ur bro

Panette : Why would I?

Timerra : you said hes a good listener! maybe he can help you out!

Panette : How Timerra? How the hell is he going to help me out?

Timerra : idfk but maybe theres something that could be done

Timerra : even if its just being there for you thats him plus his boyfriends foga and bunet

Panette : Boyfriends?

Timerra : the same way us and merrin are girlfriends

Panette : I see.

Panette : Perhaps he could have done something. Perhaps not, we do not know.

Panette : What I do know is that it will take some time for me to digest all of this. Good night Timerra.

Timerra : *sigh* night Paneeeee

DMs [Pandreo | Veyle]

Pandreo : VEYYLLLLLLLE

Veyle : Morning Pandreo!

Pandreo : You have an in with those four scary, 100% unholy guys right?

Veyle : The Hounds? Yes, I do.

Pandreo : Could youuuuuu… do me a favor?

Veyle : Yes?

Pandreo : I’m making a funny music video in support of my sister’s band. I need actors and Seadall and Yunaka are not enough. Plus, they fit the vibe I’m trying to go for.

Veyle : OMG!!! Sounds fun! I’ll let them know!

Veyle : And if I find anyone else available, I’ll let you know!

Pandreo : Cool! 

Pandreo : This is a surprise for tomorrow tho. Timerra, Merrin, and ESPECIALLY Panette cannot find out about this.

Veyle : Your secret is safe with me!

Sprite is better

Depressed : We’re making a music video during lunch.

Praise Kink : Why tf would we do that

Depressed : Veyle wants us to help her and her friend.

Dominatrix Kink : Absolutely NOT interested.

Masochist Kink : especially if its for that annoying band that made mrs eirika pull the fire alarm

Praise Kink : That was so funnynafjdakjfnk

Depressed : Alear will join us in making the music video.

Praise Kink : NO

Masochist Kink : NO

Dominatrix Kink : I’ve always wanted to be in a music video.

Praise Kink : GOd, why have you forsaken us so…

Dominatrix Kink : You will look so beautiful in a music video Marni 💜

Praise Kink : k fine ill do it damn

Dominatrix Kink : Griss 😈

Masochist Kink : I refuse.

Dominatrix Kink : Gregory.

Masochist Kink : yes mommy ill do the music video

Free Therapy

ONIGIRI : Guys! Veyle asked me to be in a music video! What should I say?

va te faire foutre : dont do it

ONIGIRI : She told me everyone that is doing it!

va te faire foutre : dont care, say no

ONIGIRI : Alear is doing it!

va te faire foutre : oh no

Poison Ivy : When are we filming?

Three Lesbians

Citrine with two N’s : ALCRYST!

Citrine with two N’s : ALLLLLLCRYSSSSTSTTTTTSTST!!!!

Citrine with two N’s : @ ... WAKE UPPPPP

… : what the fuck

Citrine with two N’s : ALEAR IS IN THE PARKING LOT FILMING A VIDEO.

Citrine with two N’s : GET OVER HERE NOW TWINKUMS

… : If he’s filming something, I’ll get in the way. Someone like me would just ruin everything.

Citrine with two N’s : …

Citrine with two N’s : @ Lapis  

Lapis : On it.

… : Don’t come for me, I am not needed.

… : Fuck she kicked down the classroom door.

… : Citrinne ur gf is bridal carrying me outside

… : She said she wants an Apple snapple for this.

Friends

Diamant : Does anyone know where the student body is?

Diamant : It is far too quiet in these hallways.

The Legendary Alpaca Master : Not a clue, but I noticed Lapis carrying your brother.

Gemma Greene : Look outside.

The Legendary Alpaca Master : What is that music?

Diamant : Better than Timerra’s singing.

Diamant has deleted a message.

Diamant : That never leaves this group chat, understand?

The Legendary Alpaca Master : Yes big daddy Diamant Brodia.

Diamant : Thank you legendary master of the small llama cousin.

Gemma Greene : They’re filming something.

Gemma Greene : A lot of people are trying to get Alear to take off his shirt.

Diamant : WHERE

Diamant : Where are they Jade I think we need to stop this yes that’s what I meant please disclose the location at once.

Gemma Greene : Northern School Parking Lot.

Gemma Greene : I see Ike and some teachers watching, so nothing bad should happen.

The Legendary Alpaca Master : The christian priest guy is rapping for jesus

Gemma Greene : Not the one where they say the slur. This is a parody of that really slutty song that totally was not my 6th most streamed song on my Spotify Wrapped last year.

Diamant : Holy fucking shit he took his shirt off he looks so scrumptdiddlyumptious

Diamant : Bunet took my phone. My apologies.

Gemma Greene : Understandable.

DMs [Amber | Jade]

Jade : That fucking liar.

Amber : Like we can see him rn

Jade : He’s DROOLING, and Bunet is distracting the girls so they don’t see Pandreo’s surprise for them.

Amber : Wait… does this mean that Diamant… likes Alear?

Jade : Likes as in friendship or wiggles eyebrows because there is a HUGE difference.

Amber : wiggles eyebrows

Jade : Oh then yes 100%. He’s had the hots for him since the first day he arrived, but suppressed them because Alcryst mentioned that he liked him one day a couple weeks ago.

Amber : You knew???

Jade : I thought it was obvious. Sorry.

Amber : As long as he’s happy.

Sprite is better

Dominatrix Kink : That bitch took his shirt off and everyone is cumming at the seams.

Dominatrix Kink : Let’s burn the fucking set.

Depressed : wait

Dominatrix Kink : What is it, submissive bottom?

Depressed : Veyle is about to film her part. Let her do that. Then we ruin Alear’s life.

Dominatrix Kink : OK. Fine. We can set up the trap for then.

Praise Kink : what is even the plan here

Dominatrix Kink : You guys notice how close Vander’s car is to where we are filming?

Praise Kink : Carrie Underwood? I love it.

Masochist Kink : Veyle looks so adorable, I want to hug her so much.

Masochist Kink : I will hug Marni instead.

Depressed : [twohounds.jpg]

Praise Kink : DELETE MAUVIER

Depressed : nah

Praise Kink : YOU ASKED FOR IT

Praise Kink changed Depressed’s name to Submissive Top.

Submissive Top : Well.

Dominatrix Kink : K, well, while you guys were having a cute family bonding moment, I took the liberty to do what we said we were going to do.

Dominatrix Kink : We must back away casually now. 

Submissive Top : I’m staying with Veyle. What did you do Zephia?

Dominatrix Kink : Frame Alear for Vander’s new flat tires.

Submissive Top : ZEPHIA…

Submissive Top : Fuck, I hope this doesn’t backfire spectacularly.

Dominatrix Kink : It won’t.

Praise Kink : LMAO the ginger brolic bitch just assaulted Goldmary.

Submissive Top : Not the way you are thinking Griss

Masochist Kink : aw

LHS Student Body

Goldmary : someone tell that brolic ginger bitch to suck a fat 16 inch fell dragon dildo

                 😭 32  💀30  😈10  🍆4

Framme : a WHAT?

Etie : Blocked, someone tell me what they said.

Kagetsu : Goldmary said someone tell that brolic ginger bitch to suck a fat 16 inch fell dragon dildo

                 😭 32  💀30  😈10  🍆4

Kagetsu : I have no idea what half of those words mean 😀

Etie : Oh, that is IT.

Etie : @ Goldmary Unblocked, got something to say to my face, BITCH?

Goldmary : Next time you dump your protein shake on when I’m talking to the second most attractive student on campus right before I film the best part of a music video, make sure I don’t actually SEE you run off after committing such an atrocity.

                  💀 15  🤔4

Etie : girl what the fuck

Etie : You are so full of yourself you fucking weirdo

Goldmary : I’m sorry, my eyes must be deceiving me. Who are you calling a weirdo?

Etie : You, bitch.

       😲 10  💀5

Etie : You pointlessly blush around any and everyone and shamelessly saddle up next to men, even though you’re so fucking dense that you end up complimenting yourself before the guy who’s bones you’re trying to jump. You’re so fucking narcissistic that anyone I could hold a dirty spoon up to your face and the slight blurry reflection of your “perfect” face will make you so happy.

       😂 30  😲29 💀31 

DMs [Etie | Seadall]

Etie : thx again for the drag proofread. I’ll endorse the school’s next play.

Seadall : Anything to end that bitch.

LHS Student Body

Goldmary : And? And bitch?

Goldmary : You’re probably too coked out on protein powder to ever think about getting any men. I witnessed you do lines in the bathroom myself.

                 🤯 19

Etie : On the contrary, you keep running guys away. And it’s not even for your personality.

Goldmary : So, not even gonna address doing lines in the bathroom?

Etie : If you’re looking to pull any guys your way, you really should consider… tightening up your body. 💚

       😲 33  💀10

Goldmary : what

Etie : Nowadays, men prefer mothers who can step on them. Who can dominate them and tell them what to do. Pretty women who can take care of their own bodies and not… let themselves go. Women like me.

       🤔 10 💀21

Goldmary : waht? I’m sorry, but WHAT?

Etie : Quit it with the whats, damn.

Goldmary : Men… want women like you…

Goldmary : And I am… you’re calling me fat…

Goldmary : Am I getting that right?

Etie : Well, yes.

Goldmary : You’re so fucking funny. You should be a comedian.

Goldmary : Or join the circus. They need freaks like you.

                  💀 23

Etie : What did you just say to me, bitch?

Goldmary : Now, that you’re out of your delusion, let me explain this very clearly:

Etie : Delusion coming from YOU of all people LMAOOOOO

        😭 3

Goldmary : Men want women like me. A beautiful body, curvy yet smooth in all the right places, with the face of an angel. Yes, this much is reality.

                  🔼 4

Etie : bffr

Goldmary : I’m so, so sorry that I’m so popular. That I’m so sexy, beautiful, voluptuous, and generally perfect at everything. I know you can’t compete with me, and that you feel inferior by my mere presence alone, but dumping your legal cocaine on me will not win you any favors.

                  😭 20

Etie : Jesus Christ, what is UP with this bitch?

Timerra : k i know im interrupting something really funny but what music video are you talking about goldmary

Goldmary : Oh, uhm

Kagetsu : The surprise Pandreo is making for his sister’s band!

               💀34

Kagetsu : wait

               💀34

Timerra : omg….

Kagetsu : Pandreo is now doing what Zelkov does whenever I say something wrong in English.

               💀34

Ivy : Cursing you out in DMs?

Kagetsu : Yes, except instead of cursing me out in French, he’s cursing me out in minute long Hebrew voice notes.

               💀34

Pandreo : well, cat’s outta the bag

Pandreo : @ Timerra @ Panette @ Merrin

                  https://youtu.be/9215kjeiggo

                 A special something to show my support of Racket of Solm!

Timerra : PLSSSS why is this so iconic

Merrin : This is so cool! You all made this just for us?

Veyle : Yeah! We want you all know that we are rooting for you guys!

Goldmary : I just came to get my man.

Ivy : MOVE.

Alcryst : you dont deserve him

Yunaka : istg ill go back to the dark place

Yunaka has deleted a message.

Seforia : lets just pretend we never saw that

Panette : Pandreo… this is so sweet.

Panette : And fucking stupid.

Panette : Thank you.

Pandreo : Of course! I don’t care if we’re two completely different people, you’ll always be my favorite little sister!

Panette : I’m your only sibling, dork.

Pandreo : Really? Never noticed.

Yunaka : K, cute family bonding, but uh… 

Yunaka : Is no one seeing that one of the cars in the background of this video has several flats?

Claude : Really? When?

Ike : I see it. 2:32 timestamp.

Claude : oh fuck

Claude : everyone, RUN.

Clanne : That loud scream of despair sounds oddly familiar.

Framme : Oh, you can tell too? I thought I was going crazy.

Vander : WHO THE FUCK KEYED MY CAR

Vander : CLAUDE

Claude : IT WASN’T ME, SCOUT’S HONOR!

Vander : YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO MAKE SURE NOTHING BAD HAPPENED WHILE THESE CRETINS WERE FILMING THAT VIDEO.

Claude : shit

Vander has removed Claude from this conversation.

Chapter Text

DMs [Hortensia | Ivy]

Ivy : Call off your friends.

Hortensia : ????

Ivy : They are getting in the way of MY chances with Alear. They were all over him when we were filming that music video.

Hortensia : LMAOOOO

Ivy : What is so funny Hortensia?

Hortensia : Half of the school is into Alear. You'll be lucky to get a few seconds of alone time with him.

Hortensia : And that's not factoring in your thing where you stalk pretty people from afar for way too long, like Celine's friend.

Ivy : Hello? 

Ivy : So what? Are you saying I have no shot with him?

Hortensia : All I'm saying is that you have been a cringy, useless girlfailure long before Alear entered the picture.

Ivy : I-

Hortensia : But you're MY cringy, useless girlfailure of a sister 💜

Ivy : Fine. I won't mess with your Animal Crossing village.

Hortensia : Thank god bc I was SO scared you were 😭😭😭

Free Therapy

Poison Ivy : Boys.

Poison Ivy : Am I a cringy, useless girlfailure?

ONIGIRI : Would a girlfailure be the opposite of a girlboss?

Poison Ivy : I believe so?

ONIGIRI : Oh then absolutely yes 100%

Poison Ivy : Excuse me?

ONIGIRI : Give me a moment, Zelkov is sending me french voice messages again.

va te faire foutre : while he listens to those

va te faire foutre : he is correct

Poison Ivy : What the fuck???

va te faire foutre : as long as you pine over alear from afar, you will never be more than a girlfailure

Poison Ivy : Literally fuck off.

ONIGIRI : BACK!

ONIGIRI : Guess what?

va te faire foutre : ivy is a girlfailure, keep up

ONIGIRI : Not that!

ONIGIRI : I am going to ask the most attractive student in school to quiz me!

Poison Ivy : Quiz? Alear is smart, I suppose.

ONIGIRI : NO! A quiz, when two people press their lips together!

va te faire foutre : oh, a kiss

va te faire foutre : oh fuck

Poison Ivy : YOU’RE GOING TO ASK ALAER TO KISS YOU????

Poison Ivy : LITERALLY WHAT THE FUCK IS WORNG WITH YOU

Poison Ivy : LOATSHOME

Poison Ivy : I WILL BURN YOU WITH A BOLGAONNE TOME MYSELF

ONIGIRI : Not Alear!

Poison Ivy : But you said most attractive student????? Whos more attractive than Alear?

ONIGIRI : Boucheron!

va te faire foutre : YOU’RE GAY !?

Poison Ivy : WAHT?

ONIGIRI : maybe i am gay. i like the idea of kissing boucheron though.

ONIGIRI : WAit, I know! We can confess our attraction to our crushes on the same day, Ivy!

Poison Ivy : I’m not that insane

ONIGIRI : I believe others will attempt to confess their love for Alear after that music video! Competition is stiff, after all.

Poison Ivy : …

Poison Ivy : ykw Kagetsu, you bring up a very interesting idea….

va te faire foutre : mon dieu…

DMs [Mauvier | Veyle]

Veyle : Mauvier!

Mauvier : Yes Veyle?

Veyle : I’m gonna be eating lunch with Alear today!

Mauvier : I hope you enjoy it.

Veyle : You don’t want to come?

Mauvier : I do not wish to intrude, that would be rude of me.

Mauvier : Plus, coach Morion wants us to have lunch with him to prepare for the Homecoming game.

Veyle : Oh, that makes sense!

Veyle : See you later!

Sprite is better

Dominatrix Kink : Mauvier, report.

Submissive Top : Veyle will be eating with Alear this lunch period.

Praise Kink : That’s not good. She spends any more time with that twizzlers pack, and it'll be impossible to stop Alear without hurting Veyle in the process.

Dominatrix Kink : I had that same thought, Marni! I love how smart we are!

                            💙 1

Masochist Kink : Guys, guess what?

Submissive Top : Yes?

Masochist Kink : You’re supposed to guess!

Submissive Top : How the hell am I supposed to guess what? It could be literally ANYTHING with you.

Masochist Kink : rood.

Masochist Kink changed Submissive Top’s name to Lolicon.

Lolicon : Change my fucking name right now Gregory I am not playing with you.

Masochist Kink : Shit, now my cock is hard.

Masochist Kink : You know that kind of talk turns me on.

Lolicon : Well that’s a waste of time.

Lolicon : Marni, you looked wonderful in your Instagram story this morning.

Praise Kink : Aw, thanks! 💙

Lolicon : Change my name? 💙

Praise Kink : Nice try 💙

Lolicon : fuck

Lolicon : Zephia?

Dominatrix Kink : Let’s meet in the parking lot after school. Me, you, and Griss.

Lolicon : I hate all of you. 

Lolicon : Why do I associate with any of you?

Dominatrix Kink : Silence, Lolicon.

Dominatrix Kink : Griss, report.

Masochist Kink : Oh, I’ve heard from Louis that Ivy is planning on telling pepsi that she likes him.

Dominatrix Kink : Hm…

Dominatrix Kink : Would be a shame if he happened to miss his lunch date with Veyle.

Lolicon : You really do love involving Veyle in your plans, Zephia.

Dominatrix Kink : Silence, Lolicon.

Tea Time

PegasusLover17 : GUYS! Have you heard the tea?

Queen of Tea : Just who do you think I am, Chloé?

PegasusLover17 : Uhhhhh

Queen of Tea : Of course we have the tea!

PegasusLover17 : Aw, I wanted to be the one to have it first this time…

Queen of Tea : You can share with Louis!

PegasusLover17 : He probably knew first out of all of us, knowing him.

Tea Tank : This is true.

Tea Tank : But you can share first, Chloé.

PegasusLover17 : Thanks!

PegasusLover17 : Well, I have heard that Ivy AND Goldmary are planning on laying claim to Alear today at lunch!

Queen of Tea : I have also heard that our least favorite papaya was contemplating doing the same thing today.

PegasusLover17 : Hate her.

Queen of Tea : Should we attempt to foil her wooing attempts?

Tea Tank : Already did.

PegasusLover17 : How????

Tea Tank : I think we should tell the Brodian brothers that Alear will be alone by his locker before lunch.

Queen of Tea : Because if everyone is trying to confess at once…

PegasusLover17 : NO ONE CAN!

PegasusLover17 : Louis, you’re a genius!

DMs [Alear | Veyle]

Veyle : Alear, I got us a table near the window! We can watch traffic as we eat.

Veyle : I had to fight for this seat lol. Didn’t know it was so popular!

Veyle : Are you stuck in class? Just let me know!

Veyle : Alear? Where are you? Are you okay?

Veyle : I had to give up the window seat, so I traded to one near it. Not as ideal but still works.

Veyle : Is everything okay?

Veyle : I can’t believe you. Mauvier told me where you are and you couldn’t even give me a text back? Thanks for wasting my time, Alear.

Alear : I just found my phone. Veyle, I’m so sorry, but everything just happened all at once!

Alear : Let’s talk, okay?

Alear : Veyle?

You can’t send messages to this user anymore.

CrossFit Gang

Muscle Goddess : Bouch, what the fuck are you running from?

Firenese Flower : No idea, but he left that one foreign exchange student looking confused.

Muscle Goddess : Man up, nobody likes a xenophobe Bouchie.

LMAO NERD : He wanted to kiss me!

Muscle Goddess : Man up, nobody likes a homophobe Bouchie.

LMAO NERD : I’m not homophobic!

Muscle Goddess : Then why run, PUSSY?

LMAO NERD : I didn’t know what else to do! I felt so embarrassed!

Firenese Flower : How do you think

Firenese Flower : Kugesoo feels?

Firenese Flower : *Kagetsu

Firenese Flower : He’s right next to me explaining what happened.

Muscle Goddess : Yeah Bouch. Literally running from him is not the move to make if you didn’t want to kiss him!

LMAO NERD : BUT I DID!

Muscle Goddess : WHAT

Firenese Flower : WHAT

Firenese Flower : WHAT

Muscle Goddess : double message.

Firenese Flower : Hi! I am Kagetsu, and I just stole Alfred’s phone!

Muscle Goddess : Not the twink-off…

Firenese Flower : Boucheron you wanted to kiss me? Why didn’t you?

LMAO NERD : I did, but I didn’t know how to tell you.

Firenese Flower : You are telling me now, are you not?

Muscle Goddess : GET HIM KAGGYYYY

Firenese Flower : I am trying to.

LMAO NERD : Well, I guess I’ll just say it.

LMAO NERD : I think you are attractive, Kagetsu, but I do not want to kiss you.

LMAO NERD : Not yet.

Firenese Flower : Not yet?

LMAO NERD : I want us to do things together. Get to know each other first before we jump into “quizzing” each other, as you said.

Firenese Flower : Oh!

LMAO NERD : I believe kissing is reserved for those who are in a relationship, so I’d like for us to enter one before we get to that.

Firenese Flower : I understand!

Firenese Flower : I would love to get into a relationship with you!

Firenese Flower : Okay, now I am going to give this phone back to Alfred.

LMAO NERD : Wow, that made me feel better.

Firenese Flower : It was so sweet Boucheron! I’m so happy for you!

Firenese Flower : Muscle Goddess : Not the twink-off…

                              > In my defense, Kagetsu is very strong.

Muscle Goddess : Neither of you are beating the gay allegations.

LMAO NERD : You are literally girlfriends with Goldmary.

Muscle Goddess : Choke.

Firenese Flower : Typical Goldmary response.

Muscle Goddess : DIE.

LHS Student Body

Yunaka : So, are we gonna talk about it?

Diamant : I’d rather not do it on a public forum.

Yunaka : It happened in a public forum though, I’d much rather dish it out here.

Ivy : Not like it matters. Alear isn’t even online.

Claude : Please talk about it here, I’m stuck in a boring doctor’s appointment.

Claude : I see Vander typing, nope.

Claude has removed Vander from this conversation.

Claude : Now, start talking about whatever the fuck is happening.

Goldmary : Well, I saw how several skanks were all over the second most attractive student in school the other day and knew I couldn’t wait around. I knew I had to lay claim to my man, and I planned for it to be on this day, simply because who professes their love on a TUESDAY?

Diamant : Don’t call my brother a skank, whore.

Yunaka : You know she’s calling you a skank too, right?

Diamant : I am not the skank she was referring to.

Ivy : Bullshit.

Diamant : Excuse me?

Ivy : I’m calling BULLSHIT.

Ivy : You are in love with Alear, just like half the school.

Diamant : I have no idea what you are talking about.

Jade : [diamantexposed.jpg]

Jade : Stop lying to yourself.

Diamant : JADE???

Timerra : oh wow…

Amber : Posting screenshots of your private DMs with Diamant???? For SHAME, Jade.

Jade : I regret nothing.

Zelkov : Diamant is GAY ?

Diamant : No, I’m not gay. But I am attracted to men. I don’t have to explain myself to anyone.

Alcryst : why didnt you say that? i would have put aside my feelings for alear to make you happy, and you know that!

Citrinne : I think he knew that, and chose your potential happiness over his.

Alcryst : wait, really

Lapis : In his defense, you could really use some.

Citrinne : LAPIS.

Lapis : Sorry

DMs [Anna | Diamant]

Diamant : I’ll place an order on your golden Alear shirt and your dark Alear shirt.

Anna : You’ll receive a notification once they are ready to be picked up! Send your payment through CashApp!

Diamant : [paid.jpg]

Anna : Pleasure doing business with you, and congrats on coming out!

Ivy : Well, that’s one mystery solved. My turn.

Ivy : My friend and my sister gave me the idea to tell my crush (Alear) that I like him instead of staring at him longingly from afar.

Kagetsu : I’m the friend. 😀

Hortensia : I’m the sister that called her a useless, cringy girlfail! 😀

Rosado : I have taught you well, my adoptive daughter.

Ivy : I’m ruining your Animal Crossing village, Hortensia.

Hortensia : shit

Goldmary : Huh, I was told you were going to tell him today.

Ivy : The fuck?

Ivy : Kagetsu!

Kagetsu : Yes?

Ivy : You told that skank about our plan??

Rosado : Watch your mouth.

Ivy : Move enby.

Kagetsu : I didn’t tell Goldmary, but I mentioned us kissing our crushes to my table in Geometry!

Clanne : No, you said you were gonna quiz them!

Framme : That’s why we sent Alear some Geometry examples to prepare him!

Celiné : For reference, Kagetsu confuses some of his English words. Such as kissing and quizzing.

Framme : Oh, I guess that makes sense.

Griss : Wait a damn minute, how do YOU know that?

Celiné : Uh, Chloé told me.

Chloé : Well, Louis told me.

Louis : Zelkov told me during one of our tea times.

Zelkov : Louis brews the best tea.

Panette : We are getting sidetracked!

Panette : So, Ivy went to Alear of her own volition, Goldmary, who told you to go?

Goldmary : Well, Marni and then Louis told me and Rosado that we should do something or risk tearing apart our family.

Rosado : I’m sure Alear isn’t into me like that, so I let Goldmary go wild.

Yunaka : Strange, considering Zephia told me that I should go for it as well…

Alcryst : Chloé also told me about this idea to go for it.

Lapis : We forced him to actually follow through.

Diamant : Celiné also suggested I try it out with Alear.

Pandreo : I see… I believe you guys have some explaining to do.

Panette : I see multiple people typing essays so I will preface this by saying that we (I) know the cliques, mainly those of Zephia, Griss, Mauvier, and Marni & Celiné, Chloé, and Louis. Choose your words carefully.

Timerra : damn crickets

Panette : They’re scrambling for a way to word this without making themselves look like assholes for playing with emotions. They should simply just tell the truth.

Yunaka : Really? I don’t see why they’d want to hurt any of us! I think all of us are good people.

Etie : pls

Yunaka : Even Goldmary!

Citrinne : Bullshit.

Yunaka : Huh?

Citrinne : I said, that is BULLSHIT, Yunaka.

Yunaka : Hey, Goldmary is nice in her own way!

Citrinne : I actually meant that YOU are bullshit, Yunaka.

              ❤️ 10

Yunaka : what

Celiné : OMG I THOUGHT WE WERE THE ONLY ONES THAT SAW IT

Panette : Oh no, I figured that out as well.

Zelkov : Something felt off whenever she was super happy.

Chloé : *whenever she spoke

Yunaka : woah woah woha hey how did this turn around as a crusade against me?

Panette : …Because that’s what it was.

Citrinne : No doubt you didn’t already know that those three (you know the three) already didn’t like you. They knew you had the push to get Alear, so pushing my Alcryst, Diamant, and Goldmary to confess to him was a defensive maneuver.

Citrinne : Am I wrong?

Louis : That was the idea, yes. We own up to that.

Yunaka : What the hell!?

Citrinne : Had I known, I would have helped you guys out.

Celiné : We’ll talk later.

Yunaka : WHAT THE FUCK

Yunaka : So what, you guys got the rebels to get me in on this plan to hurt me emotionally???

Zephia : Oh, I had no idea about their plan.

Zephia : I was just rooting for your happiness, and that involved getting you with Alear. Ivy was going to stop that after all.

Yunaka : SO WHY DID MARNI TELL GOLDMARY?

Marni : I wanted Goldmary to shut up about Pepsi in Chemistry.

Yunaka : Okay, fair.

Framme : btw Alear doesn’t like that nickname

Marni : I know.

Clanne : oh

Pandreo : So, if I got this correct, this is how the timeline went down:

Pandreo : Hortensia and Kagetsu bug Ivy into telling Alear how she feels about him, she is so happy that others know what she’s going to do, notably Zephia and Louis. They relay the information to their respective groups, and they come up with separate agendas. Zephia and Marni ship other people with Alear and thus tell Goldmary, Rosado, and Yunaka to go and do it. Louis’ group catches wind of Yunaka going and starts their own plan to stop that as they don’t trust her intentions (as many people in this school don’t, apparently). They tell Goldmary, Rosado, Diamant, and Alcryst to go and confess simply to obstruct Yunaka’s attempt, and here we are.

Alear : Woah… is that true?

Ivy : yes

Goldmary : yes

Celiné : yes

Citrinne : yes

Mauvier : yes

Alear : Well… I guess I have to make a choice.

Bunet : Might I suggest a helping of polygamy?

           👎9

Bunet : Well, that answers that.

Alear : If you guys don’t trust Yunaka like that, I suppose choosing her is out of the question.

Yunaka : hope you guys are fucking happy.

Celiné : Very!

Yunaka has left this conversation.

Claude : You guys are pricks, wow.

Chloé : You’re a teacher, you can’t say that!

Claude : Just did

Alear : Well….

Alear : Ivy, since you were the only one coming to me without clique interference, I would love to take you on a date!

Alear : What’s that high pitched squeal?

Sprite is better

Dominatrix Kink added Veyle to the conversation

Dominatrix Kink changed Veyle’s name to Vanilla Kink

Dominatrix Kink : Welcome to our headquarters Veyle.

Vanilla Kink : Oh, that’s why you asked for my kinks lol.

Vanilla Kink : So what do we do here?

Lolicon : Listen to whatever Zephia says, threaten to hurt Griss, shower Marni with praise, and treat me like shit.

Vanilla Kink : You’re a Lolicon, Mauvier?

Lolicon : NO

Dominatrix Kink : shit i forgot

Dominatrix Kink changed Lolicon’s name to Submission Kink

Praise Kink : We finally all match!

Masochist Kink : Welcome to the Hounds, Veyle!

Dominatrix Kink : Together, we shall take down Alear and help you win Homecoming AND Prom royalty!

Vanilla Kink : I would love that very much! Let’s destroy that traitor!

Vanilla Kink : [evilcackle.jpg]

Submission Kink : [evilcackle.jpg]

Dominatrix Kink : [evilcackle.jpg]

Praise Kink : [evilcackle.jpg]

Masochist Kink : [evilcackle.jpg]