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Beautiful golden locks shining like oh so sweet honey under the midday sun, making Minho want to touch them and swirl the streaks around his finger. He wanted to graze lovely, sun-kissed skin and paint patterns with only his fingertips on the other boy's arms. Wanted to press soft, brief butterfly kisses to the other's neck – wanted to sink his teeth in the smooth flesh, making the blonde moan his name and plead him to never stop. Minho wanted to kiss those pink cherry lips and suck on them until they were puffy and swolen and–
"Goddamn, Minho! Are you even listening?" Thomas' loud voice brought Minho back to reality and with an enquiring look in his eyes he watched the Asian boy in front of himself. Minho let out a small sigh and tore his eyes apart from the blonde beauty a few tables away. Maybe it was a good idea to quit staring for a moment, Minho couldn't bring himself to see the strong arm around Newt's waist any longer anyway. It just gave him a sick feeling to his stomach.
"Of course – you were just talking about how Chuck ate Teresa or something." he murmured absently while picking at his food with a fork. It didn't look so delicious but the students were already used to it.
Thomas looked horrified for the split of a second. "Dude, Chuck – ew! You really need to pay attention! Oh shucking hell just the thought of it – no! That's so gross! Good job, shank, now I can't even swallow one bite! I mean, it's hard all the time to eat this klunk but you made it ten times worse." he shrieked out. The next second he pushed the plate away from his body and crossed his arms in front of his chest with a disgusted look on his face.
"Don't be such a sissy, Thomas. Everybody makes mistakes. Now eat your shucking vegetables and stop whining." Minho muttered while shoving some beans in his mouth. And to his surprise he was actually successful because after Thomas had rolled his eyes while murmuring a small "yeah, yeah whatever, shank", he started to stuff his mouth with lettuce and red beans again.
"I was just saying that Chuck ate a few of the cupcakes Teresa has made for that party on Friday and she totally flipped out! Poor Chuck has to help to clean the house afterwards now and I'm sure there'll be a lot of klunk to remove after these shanks have partied." Thomas said with a grin on his face just thinking of all the stupid teenagers, who got wasted way too easily. Minho hummed in agreement.
"I'm sure Chuck has to clean up a lot of vomit, if Gally's supposed to come, too." the Asian boy chuckled because of his own words while lingering in memory of all the times that slinthead had to throw up just because he drank too much.
Thomas was laughing now and tried his hardest not to spill any beans over the whole table. "Remember that one time he started stripping in front of everyone and sat on Frypan's lap asking him 'seductively' for his macaroni and cheese recipe?" Thomas could hardly talk because he was breathing so heavily while laughing every now and then. Minho let out a bark of laughter and nodded while some salad from his plate splattered over the table. He remembered that moment too well and he was still sorry for Siggy, or as the friends liked to call him 'Frypan' because he was helping out in the school's kitchen.
"Or that one time where Newt had to suddenly hold his hand because he was scared of all the people dancing and laughing around him? That was so hilarious!" Thomas didn't even try to hold back his laughter anymore and was laughing now at the top of his lungs – he even had to wipe away a few tears. But Minho made a small sound of choking, after he heard Newt's name slipping off his friend's tongue. Newt. His dark eyes flickered hesitantly to the mop of blonde hair and he felt his throat lace up, every breath harder to take and the air in his lungs just too heavy to let go.
Minho watched Newt closely - how his slim body seemed to curl whenever he moved oh so gracefully. All he wanted was to let his hands travel those soft sides and make the smaller one squirm and whimper under his burning touches. Minho wanted to hold him tight by his hips, sneak a strong arm around his waist and press him so close to himself there'd be no space left between their bodies. He wanted to touch the other so dearly but he couldn't. He didn't have the right, he knew it. Newt had a boyfriend – his name was Ben. Minho knew that guy from the track team and if he had to be honest; he was always caring and friendly to everyone (well, only if they were friendly to him) and Minho knew he was nothing like Ben. He wasn't as sweet, nor as lovable. Sure, Minho had a lot of girls drooling over him and maybe some guys, too, but it always stayed a one-time thing. And maybe he just tried to tell himself it was because he was an asshole and heartbreaker but he knew it was because of Newt. It has always been because of him.
"You never liked him, huh?" again Thomas' voice snapped Minho out of his thoughts and he didn't even realize he had stared so openly at Ben – at his arm draped protectively around Newt's waist.
Minho just shrugged as if he wanted to show his friend he didn't even care about that guy but he knew he did. He would hate everyone who would be at Newt's side instead of himself. He would be jealous of everyone who had the chance to touch the body of the boy he loved and he would tear everyone down who had the nerve to hurt Newt.
"You know, Ben's a good guy. I've talked to him a few times and he has fallen head over heels for Newt. I think he makes the shank happy and that's all that matters, right?" Minho wanted to agree, wanted to bring his body to even just nod but he couldn't. Thomas' words cut like knives and Minho could feel the happiness seeping out of his body like flowing blood. Of course, he wanted Newt to be happy but there was a big difference in seeing someone else making him happy and being the one to make him happy.
"Remember all the one night stands he had? Ben's an asshole. Everyone's just too blinded by his bright, perfect smile and his perfect blonde hair and, oh, his sweet compliments." Thomas shook his head in disbelief after hearing those bitter words escape his friend's lips.
"You shouldn't judge someone by their past, Minho. And actually it sounds like you're just extremely jealous of that shank." a mischievous smile played on the brunette's slim lips and the second Minho threw a crushing glare at him, Thomas knew he was right.
"I thought you were the best runner on the track team not Ben. Apparently you also have more admirer than he has. So where does that leave us? You have no reason to be jealous of that slinthead." Thomas said and Minho knew he was right but he didn't care about who was the best runner and who wasn't, he wasn't interested in the amount of admirer each of them had – Ben had only one thing Minho wanted. Ben had Newt and Minho was dying to have that one special boy as well.
"Come on, Minho, what are you jealous of?" Thomas studied the Asian boy in front of him and deep down he only wanted to hear him say what everyone already knew. Did Minho really think they couldn't see the consuming, intense glances he threw at Newt?
"I'm not jealous of him. Ben's just an annoying prick, that's all." Thomas knew the other boy was lying – Minho may be a good runner but he was an awful liar.
"Just tell me. I won't judge, if you talk about how good his butt looks in running shorts." Thomas said between a few goofy giggles, starting to wiggle his eyebrows seductively at his best friend. Minho just rolled his eyes at the brunette and stood up while grabbing his plate.
"Shut your mouth, Thomas, or else you'll be choking on beans." Minho huffed in an annoyed tone but Thomas didn't seem to care. He grinned at his friend. A suffering sigh left Minho's lips just hearing some other comments coming from that stupid shank he called his best friend – about how 'Minho would love to touch Ben's butt' or how 'he just had to look at it and get his pants in a twist'. But the Asian boy didn't react. He just muttered absently "sure, Thomas" and "of course, Thomas" here and there before turning on his heels to leave the other boy. This action seemed to alarm Thomas somehow and he stood up too, to shout after his friend.
"Don't forget to come later! You know we planned on going to that club!" he yelled over the heads of several students what made some of them give him funny looks or hiss at him to keep it quiet. Minho just threw a thumbs up in the air to show him he'd be coming but Thomas was too distracted whispering a few sorrys to some of the teeangers.
And even though Minho wasn't sure if he wanted to go, he agreed. He knew he had to see Newt and Ben being in love and everything all evening but maybe alcohol could help him out a bit. He could drown his feelings in the burning liquid and maybe even find a new girl, who could bring some pleasure to him.
* * * * * *
So, there he was, sitting between Alby and Teresa at the bar, finishing one drink after the other.
"Now, who's gonna come to the party on Friday?" Teresa asked while looking at each and everyone of their group. A wave of cheers and nodding greeted her instantly and she beamed a bright smile, showing off two rows of pearly white teeth.
"But only if Winston's not coming." Brenda muttered while sipping on the colourful drink she was holding. "Last time he was so drunk he tried to touch my boobs because he thought I was hiding party balloons under my shirt."
"Not my fault you wore that push up bra." Teresa left as a remark making the other girl roll her eyes at her in return and take a few sips more. Minho watched the scene with a bemused expression on his face.
"Oh, Teresa? Sonya told me to ask, if she should bring anything? Also she wanted to know, if Harriet could come as well. They're inseparable since they're dating." Newt was the one speaking now and Minho silently watched him – how his sweet lips were moving while he was talking. The alcohol inside him just seemed to deepen the urge of kissing those soft cherry lips.
Teresa let out a happy squeak while rising both of her dark eyebrows. "They're finally together? Oh, I knew it! I told ya, Alby!" playfully she hit the boy's shoulder. Teresa was always trying to be the cupid, she knew when two people were meant to be together (well, at least she was proudly telling that everyone). Minho cringed at the thought. Maybe Newt and Ben were actually meant for eachother– before the thought could settle in his mind, Minho finished his drink with one big gulp asking for another.
"Yeah, they're sickeningly cute." Newt said while scrunching up his nose. Minho was trying his hardest not to coo out loud at the blonde because he looked utterly adorable while doing so and the crooked smile on his lips didn't seem to make the whole thing easier, too.
"Oh, I can just imagine! Please tell her I need both of them there and I can't even wait to see them. She'd better be prepared for my 'I-knew-it speech'." a small chuckle escaped Newt's thin lips and Teresa shot him a grin. Thomas huffed from his seat next to Brenda. "That speech is gonna get long. I still remember the 'you-shouldn't-have-done-that speech' you gave Gally because he accidently poured some water on your notes."
Teresa shook her head, crossing her arms over her chest. "It wasn't 'accidently'. He did that on purpose!"
"Why should he do that?" Thomas shot back, looking slightly confused.
"Because Gally's an asshole. And what are you even trying to say? That I talk too much?" she looked at the brunette, her eyebrows scrunched together.
"Just trying to prove that your 'speeches' are always long. I already feel sorry for Sonya."
"Ah, shut up, will ya?" Newt looked at both of them and snatched the drink away from Thomas, ignoring his protests and pathetic whines. Everybody knew he didn't take alcohol all too well and right now he seemed to be at the point where the liquid clouded his mind and made him slightly aggressive.
"You tell 'em, babe." Ben slurred before pressing a kiss to his boyfriend's temple. It was clear to see that he was shamelessly drunk by now and messily he kissed down Newt's neck while whispering a few words to the blonde. Minho couldn't hear them but he wasn't sure if he really wanted to. The blush on the smaller one's cheeks was enough for Minho. He felt his heart crunch and crush, his mind spinning. And then suddenly bad thoughts were creeping out of the depths of his head again, whispering to him, telling him he'll never be able to replace Ben. Minho would never be able to hold Newt close to him like this. His lips would never touch the blonde's skin nor would his hands. Minho would never be good enough for Newt.
"Ugh, get a room you two!" Alby whined while looking at the couple in feigned disgust. Newt was only blushing harder after that remark but Ben shot the dark skinned boy a wide grin. Minho wanted to punch him in the face to make that ugly grin vanish but told himself it was only the alcohol telling him to do so.
"Maybe we should take that session to the dancefloor, mh? What d'ya say, babe?" Ben asked his boyfriend with a smudge grin plastered across his face and draped a strong arm around his slim waist. Minho was so close to completely losing his control and just finished another drink in one go, staring in the distance with a hard glare on his usually so soft face.
"Ben, you can hardly stand on your own." he heard Newt's worried voice ring softly and even though he tried to deny it, Minho knew he wanted to be the reason of the worry filling that sweet, smooth voice.
"I'll just go on my own! Ya'll suck!" Ben slurred while pointing at the group of friends. He tried to get up from his seat and for a second he looked like his legs were made of jelly but right after he stomped away to the dancefloor throwing his arms in the air like some shank on crack.
"Should someone get him back?" Brenda asked, looking after the tall blonde until he disappeared between a huddle of moving bodies. And even though they couldn't see him anymore they surely could hear him yelling loudly and trying to sing the lyrics of the current song. Well, he failed miserably to say it nicely and only a few words coming out of his mouth sounded like they were actually part of the song lyrics.
"Nah, he'll be fine." Alby said and a few laughs came from the friends in agreement. And soon the small group of friends started chatting again. Teresa and Brenda were discussing what to wear for the party this Friday while all the boys were groaning in annoyance. Alby told Minho about the prank he and Frypan had pulled on Chuck while the poor boy had been sleeping but the Asian boy seemed to be distracted by Newt once again. He watched the blonde chatting happily with Thomas as he glanced now and then over to the dancefloor, making sure Ben was still alive. And even though Minho knew it was simply pathetic, he wished for the blonde to look his way only for a short, brief moment. Only for one second he wanted to lock eyes with Newt. He didn't care if he'd drown in those breathtaking orbs, he just felt the need to be seen. But it didn't happen and the next thing he knew was that Newt froze, everyone around him as well. Minho didn't quite catch what was going on and he hadn't even noticed Alby stopped talking but suddenly all his friends were quiet and he didn't knew why.
"What's going on?" he whispered quietly into Teresa's ear. His eyes once again found Newt, who was slowly leaving his seat and standing up now. Minho tried to follow the blonde's gaze and it seemed to take a moment but then he found the cause. In between dancing people and moving bodies there was Ben – making out with some random girl.
"I am going to kill him." without realizing the words left Minho's lips in a dangerous growl and he was just about to stand up as well when Teresa suddenly laid a soothing hand on his shoulder.
"Not yet, Minho. This is Newt's business, not yours." and, yes, Teresa was right but there was so much anger inside of him, he was scared it might would tear him in two. Because Ben had hurt Newt, he had hurt him and Minho wouldn't let him get away with it. He could practically feel Newt's pain by the way he was walking with unsure, slow steps in Ben's direction – even though he couldn't see the blonde's expression. But Minho didn't want to see Newt's face right now – it'd break his heart.
What happened in the next moments seemed like nothing more than a blur of emotions and shouts to Minho. The music was blasting on a high volume through the boxes but not a single word seemed to reach his ears – it was only a jumble of a throbbing beat that crawled right under his skin, covering his arms in goosebumps. All the people around him were jumping and dancing, moving their hips and screaming at the top of their lungs. Buzzing lights hit his face, blue lasers creeping through the crowd and dipping their heads in blinding colours. Everything was in motion like waves hitting the ground before reaching the ceiling once again. But Minho's eyes were fixated on two people – their bodies standing out in all the heap and hype. He could see Newt standing in front of Ben, both of his hands braced in his hips and his slim body standing tall and proud. Ben on the other hand had seemed to have realized what has gone wrong and even with all the anesthetic alcohol in his veins he was on his knees in only a matter of seconds, begging for Newt to forgive him. Minho wasn't quite sure what was happening just a few feet away but with every movement Ben made he was close on running up to them. He wanted to take Newt in his arms, press his lean body against his own, because there he'd be safe. Minho wouldn't let anything touch or harm the boy. But again he reminded himself; he wasn't Ben. He wasn't Newt's boyfriend – not even close. He wasn't good enough to keep up with the blonde. He'd be poison to such a beautiful soul as Newt had.
"Newt, please! I wasn't thinking straight!" Newt was coming close to the bar again – Ben stumbling behind him. But the smaller one didn't seem to listen to his begging anymore.
"Babe, I-" Ben couldn't even finish his sentence before Newt interrupted him, facing the drunk with a hard glare. "Don't you dare call me your 'babe', Ben." he hissed, the pain clearly visible in his voice. He picked up his jacket from the bar stool and soon turned to the other again.
"Newt..." Ben tried again but he knew he didn't have a chance, not even a tiny one, to soothe the boy. And Newt seemed to have noticed, too, because his next words sounded even more bitter than the ones before. "Don't even try, Ben. It's over." he spit out, looking the boy infront of him straight in the eyes. Minho could've sworn he saw flames erupting in those stunning eyes.
"What do you mean by 'it's over'?" Ben gasped in horror and for a short moment Minho understood the fear in his voice – losing someone like Newt couldn't be easy, hell!, Minho would die right then and there.
"I mean we're done. What is so hard to understand about that?" Newt faced the other with a hard expression on his face and Minho was already missing that beautiful smile of his. Ben's body slumped pitiful and while whimpering he grasped Newt's arm. "But I love you! You can't leave me like that! I swear- I'll, ... I'll make it up to you. I am so sorry, Newt. Don't leave me." he cried out helplessly and for the split of a second Newt's face softened. He reached for Ben's trembling hand and held it in his own for a brief moment before looking at the small group of his friends. Everyone looked at him worried, some shot him reassuring smiles as if they wanted to tell him they were there for him – but soon Newt's gaze locked with Minho's. Minho felt his breath hitch in his throat immediately and in that moment they stared at eachother maybe a little too long before Newt closed his eyes with a deep breath. He whispered a small "sorry" and Minho had to try his hardest to even understand it between all these voices and laughs. He didn't know if it was meant for him or Ben or maybe even just for no-one but Newt himself but right after the blonde left.
"No, Newt! Please!" Minho could see the slightest prickle of fresh tears gleam in Ben's eyes but he wasn't following Newt anymore – Thomas held him back. And before he could waste another moment on watching Ben whining and crying drunkenly, he left his seat and ran as fast as he could to catch up with Newt. He could even hear Brenda's protests behind him, telling him Newt should get some alone time but he didn't hear Teresa murmuring softly that 'nobody can stop Minho when it comes to Newt'.
Minho left the roaring club, the cold air whipping his cheeks softly and his hair twirling messily through the gust of wind. His hot breath left white trails in the cold and the fuzziness sunk in his head. He searched his surroundings for one particular person, letting his eyes travel thoroughly the empty streets and dark pavements. And there he stood, the blonde boy Minho was looking for. The dim light of the streetlamp made his golden locks gleam darkly like sweet honey in peppermint tea and his skin looked even softer, glowing warmly. Minho felt the sudden urge to caress his sides and creep his cold, slim fingers under the hem of Newt's dark sweater to touch his smooth, creamy skin.
"Newt." the name left his plump lips supplely and even though his voice was close to a whisper he caught the blonde's attention. Newt shot a short glance over his shoulder to look at his friend before he turned back, crossing his arms over his flat chest. Maybe he didn't want to talk, Minho thought, maybe I should leave. But he knew he couldn't leave right now.
It was quiet between the both of them for a while and Minho just stood in the cold gaping at the boy he loved with sad, dark eyes. He could hear his heart aching for the blonde – crying and weeping for him to just turn around and bury his head in the crook of his neck. He wanted to hold Newt tight, wanted to whisper sweet nothings in his ear and make the blonde shiver, not only because of the cold but because of the sound of his voice. But his brain was being stubborn – this wasn't how Minho Park would act, that was for sure. Minho wasn't kind to others. He wasn't helpful when someone was hurt. Sometimes he thought it was just naturally but soon he figured out; he just didn't know how – he didn't know how to approach someone sweetly or how to build someone up when they were down. All the time he thought only strength could make him to someone.
"I never thought he'd do that." Newt whispered eventually into the darkness and Minho almost missed his words – almost. He gulped. He didn't know how to react. Minho never had to help someone with their lovesickness before. And he didn't feel all to well helping -of all the people he could stumble over- the boy he had fallen for.
"Ben's just an asshole." Minho muttered carelessly. Great, he thought to himself, as if that would calm Newt. And right in that second the blonde looked at him sort of bewildered. "What is your problem with Ben?" he asked. And Minho instantly regretted his words.
"He cheated on you and you are asking me what kind of problem I have with him?" Minho shot back perplexed, narrowing his eyebrows. He knew this wasn't heading in the right direction.
"Oh, thank you bloody much for reminding me, Minho." Newt hissed at him. "Thank you for making sure I won't forget it. I think we both know it happened only a few minutes ago, right?" Minho could hear the sarcasm so clear in the other boy's voice it made him cringe.
"Don't let your anger out on me, Newt. It wasn't my fault he kissed that girl." Minho's voice sounded smooth like sandpaper and if Newt wouldn't have been so blinded by his anger only the sound of it could've sent shivers down his spine.
"Just- forget it. I'm heading home." Newt didn't look at Minho another time. He turned his back and started walking down the empty streets leaving the black haired boy behind him. Minho shifted uncomfortably from one feet to the other. He'd messed it up. He'd messed it all up. His heart was screaming, was shouting at him to run after the slender body. He should try to apologize. He should try to make Newt feel good. But his brain seemed the only barrier once again. Newt should have some time for himself without Minho getting on his nerves. Because, well, Minho wasn't good at soothing others – wasn't good enough for Newt, not enough for the blonde to come back.
* * * * * *
A few days passed and soon it was Friday. The time went by without Newt or Minho talking to one another. It made Minho's heart ache. And seeing the blonde slowly forgiving Ben was just making the whole situation worse. He saw them chatting now and then, saw Ben making Newt smile and rarely even laugh and it pushed his jealousy to a limit he wasn't comfortable with anymore. He didn't know how Ben reached such a success but at the same time he didn't even want to think about the boy maybe paying Newt several visits at home, begging for the smaller one to take him back. He knew they weren't in relationship again yet – he didn't think he could go through that torture another time.
"Don't you think you should talk to him?" Teresa asked as she slid into the seat next to Minho at the unfortunate empty table he was sitting at in the cafeteria. Only Thomas was sitting there too, burying his nose in some history book because he hadn't learned for the test.
"Who?" Minho knew he wasn't fooling anyone but still the question fell from his lips. Teresa rolled her icy blue eyes at him. "You know exactly who, Minho." she answered. Thomas wasn't really paying much attention to their conversation but joined the girl by rolling his eyes too.
"You know, Newt feels bad about what happened between the both of you." Teresa said while looking at Minho with a soft expression but the Asian boy released only a low growl.
"If he feels so bad about it, why can't he tell me that himself?" he looked at her provokingly, knowing she wouldn't have a good answer to that. But, damn, Minho was talking to Teresa – she was never wrong in a conflict and even if she'd be, nobody had a chance against her. Teresa could argue all day long and still win. Losing didn't fit her well.
"Listen here, moron, you hurt Newt. Do you get that? I'm pretty sure you never meant to but it just happened and that's how it is, alright?" she uttered, her voice growing more stern. "I know you never liked Ben but you didn't have to shove it straight in Newt's face. Ben made him happy and everyone - especially you - knows he needed that just too desperately." Minho fell silent, the guilt slowly crawling up his throat and taking his breath away. He knew lingering sadness had lived inside Newt's head, making the skinny boy fall weakly to his knees and cry under creamy covers all night, before he and Ben finally got together – although he never seemed to know why the blonde felt the way he did. All Minho remembered was sitting late at night next to the boy he fell for whimpering and wishing for the world to end. He had been the one finding Newt (over and over again) -all alone, a mess wrapped in nothing but darkness- and rubbing small, soothing circles on his back when the shorter boy couldn't seem to find the air to breathe or the voice to speak. Minho had been his friend. They've had a strong bond – a kind of special bond. But Minho had fallen too fast for the blonde and had already been too deep to get out. He tried to forget his friend's fair, blond locks and clear, staggering eyes by having hook ups with everyone, who seemed to be willing. All he wanted was to drown imagines of Newt in his mind by studying different faces – he wanted to forget the urge of hearing the blond moan his name out loud by making others do it instead. All he wanted was to drown out the fact he'd never be enough for Newt. He thought it could work that way just fine but then Ben showed up, taking Newt away from him and showing him that time should be used advantageous.
"Newt noticed you hated Ben's guts from the very first day and all he did was wonder why you weren't happy for him. Why you, his friend, couldn't be happy for him." Teresa's expression was getting softer again but Minho felt like dying inside. Everything she said made him want to sink deeper in guilt – she made him see everything that went wrong. How could everything go so wrong?
"I know he means a lot to you, Minho, but-" she couldn't even finish her sentence before the black haired boy interrupted her.
"He means the world to me." he blurted out, admitting way too much for his liking. And right after he said those words Thomas was looking up from the heavy history book he held in his hands. Teresa fell silent for a moment while meeting gazes with the other boy at the table as if she was trying to ask him if they heard Minho's words correctly or were just imagining things.
"But," she tried to collect the right words to say "but why didn't you try to accept Ben then?" she finally asked. Thomas was watching his best friend curiously now, the test later long forgotten. Minho swallowed thickly. He knew he couldn't hide this forever – his feelings for Newt were practically killing him. He had kept this longing for the blonde for far too long to only himself. Some days he felt the butterflies in his stomach raging like a storm, blowing up his mind and messing with his brain. But the storms inside him only seemed to grow and soon they were on levels he couldn't handle anymore. He cried as many tears for his unrequited love to create a river filled with only sorrow and torment.
"I-" Minho couldn't find the right words to say. His throat tied up, not letting a single sound escape.
"Dude, listen, it's okay if you're just angry at Ben because he has more time with Newt than you do-" Thomas tried to reassure him calmly but Minho's voice cut him off.
"It's not that. I'm not angry because Ben spends a lot of time with him. It's just- ... I," he let out a shaky breath, trying not to lose control because he knew he was so close to reveal the truth to his two friends. "I am angry at Ben because he can call Newt his own, okay? I'm angry at him because he can kiss him and he can touch him whenever he wants to. I hate it! I hate it so much it kills me." he said finally while closing his eyes with a deep, suffering sigh. Teresa and Thomas were just staring at him shocked – not because of his utterly sweet confession but because of the fact that he had actually talked about his feelings for once. Of course, they had already speculated that the Asian boy might have fallen for Newt but not once did they think he would actually admit it in front of them.
Teresa smiled. "So you love him?" she asked, already knowing the answer. Thomas seemed to enjoy this whole situation only more from second to second and now there was a visible smirk tugging on his lips. Minho opened his eyes sheepishly but was looking at his hands abashed right after.
"Yes." he admitted in a small whisper, feeling too embarrassed to meet his friends' gaze. Thomas' smirk only grew wider as he leaned back in his chair satisfied.
"What did you say, buddy? I can barely hear ya. Please talk a bit louder." Thomas teased his best friend, who instantly shot him a crushing glare.
"Yes, Thomas, I shucking love him." Minho growled making Teresa giggle. "I have loved him since the beginning and unfortunately I have no chance with him because he loves someone else and furthermore I'd never be good enough for him anyway. You want me to keep going? You want me to tell you that I fucking hate being in love with him? That I turned myself into a shucking asshole just because I couldn't stop loving him? You want to hear more?" Minho snarled while looking at his best friend with a fierce stare. He didn't know why but somehow this seemed to be the point he'd let it all out. All the pain that had filled his lungs from night to night and all the aching he hid behind snarky remarks seeped out of him as if he had a crack that was finally allowing everything to leave him.
"Actually yes-" Thomas said stupidly but Teresa slapped his arm harshly before he could anger the Asian boy any further. The brunette cried out in pain and started rubbing the place she hit with a sulky pout. The girl just ignored him and turned to look at Minho with a soothingly smile on her full lips.
"Minho, try to relax for a moment." she told him while taking his bigger hands in her smaller ones to calm him down a bit. For a moment Minho's whole body was still tense and filled with anger and pain but after he took a few deep breaths he seemed to loosen up finally making Teresa smile gladly in return. "Now listen to me, okay?" the only answer was a silent nod. "Good." her smile grew a bit wider before she started speaking again, looking the boy in front of her straight in the eyes. "First of all I always knew that you loved Newt just so that's clear," Minho snorted at her words "but to be quite honest; I never knew you were hurting that much. You haven't said a lot yet but I can already tell you've fallen hard for him and that's just utterly beautiful, Minho. That's one of the most wonderful things that could've happened to you. You shouldn't hate being in love – you shouldn't try to hide what you feel. Newt may have Ben right now – or had Ben, I'm not sure if they actually are going to get back together again – but that doesn't mean you don't have a chance. You are in fact good enough and don't you dare tell yourself something different because even though you can be a dick sometimes and are actually pretty annoying quite a lot," Minho interrupted her with a peeved "hey!" but she just carried on "you still are great and I know you'd give everything to make Newt happy. Just- ... show it. You shouldn't make everyone think you don't care – you shouldn't make Newt think you don't care when all you want is him to care for you. When you really want him you shouldn't let Ben take him from you with such an easiness. We all know Ben manages to make Newt actually happy but we also know that this isn't the same 'happy' he had with you. Do you understand me, Minho?" the only thing he could do was nodding numbly. "I think he's waiting for you– had been waiting for some time. And it's time to lastly set an end into this waiting." she said finally ending her speech and leaving the two boys at the table mute. Minho didn't know how to respond but he could feel her words boosting his self-confidence to a completely new level. Teresa was right – it was time to finally know how it felt to call Newt his own.
"See? Teresa's speeches are always long." Thomas spoke up suddenly but was once again greeted by a punch in his shoulder that came from Minho this time. "Ouch! That hurt!" the brunette whined but Teresa and Minho ignored him.
"So, what do you think? How can I end this?" the Asian boy asked, not knowing what else to say. Teresa flashed him a smile and by the look on her face Minho could tell she already had made up a plan.
"You tell him how you feel." it sounded so easy as the words rolled down her tongue and slipped off her glossy lips but just the thought of it made Minho want to jump out of his skin. Minho wasn't someone, who was scared of many things but telling the boy you love how you feel about him? That sounded scary as fuck!
Minho began violently shaking his head. "No. I'll only make it worse and soon he won't even want to face me anymore!"
"Listen, if you want Newt to be yours -and not Ben's for a second time- you have to stop being a chicken!" she gripped his shoulders firmly and shook him lightly as if she tried to knock some sense into him. "Stop thinking about what might could happen. You have a chance to end all of this and I won't watch you backing out of it just because you think Newt doesn't feel the same way." Teresa said. For a brief moment all Minho could do was stare at her blankly. But then he started nodding approvingly.
"Yes, you- you are right. But ... when should I do it?" Minho asked her nervously while kneading his hands in a tense manner. Was it really finally time to tell Newt about all the feelings he had for him from the very first start?
"Well, today's the party at my house..." Teresa remarked with a toothy grin and Minho's eyes went wide. He should already do it today? Couldn't he have like some time to prepare first?
"That's a good idea, actually. Parties are perfect for that! And if Newt gives you the brush-off you can just blame your behaviour on the alcohol." Thomas added and even though Minho expected the slightest sound of sarcasm in his best friend's voice there was nothing there but honesty. Still the Asian boy looked a bit unconvinced.
"Thomas is right, as surprising it may sound. All you gotta do is get Newt alone and when you have him all to yourself, you win his heart. Easy." she shrugged as if there was nothing more effortlessly. But truth be told Minho felt like shitting himself just while thinking of it.
Strength only makes you to someone, he reminded himself.
"Okay, I'll do it."
* * * * * *
Teresa's parents had a lot of money and whenever they were on some kind of business trip the daughter took advantage of the opportunities they left. Their house was large and seemed to be meant only for parties and feasts. Every room had enough space for at leas ten people to fit in comfortably and if the house wasn't enough there'd still be the garden. Teresa's parties were the best to say it nicely – like the cherry on top of a cake.
And now Minho was standing in front of the mansion, shifting his weight from one foot to the other nervously. His hands shakily adjusted the collar of his white shirt and straightened the long sleeves so not a single crease could be seen. He felt his palms getting sweaty and wiped them at his dark jeans, sighing.
This would be it, he thought, today I will ruin Newt's and my friendship in the hope of getting his love instead.
And with that thought he pressed the door bell. It wasn't much going on yet because the music seemed to still blast out of the boxes in a normal volume and it wasn't even fully dark outside yet.
The door flung open and the house owner beamed straight at him. "Minho! You look great!" Teresa welcomed the boy with a friendly hug and shot him an eager grin. Her dark hair was neatly pulled back in a classy bun and her silvery necklace shone so clear it seemed to vie with her crystal blue eyes. She wore a short, blue cocktail dress, which hugged her sides smoothly. "Come in!" she tugged at his sleeve and guided him inside her house.
"Minho! You're disgustingly early, shank." Thomas snickered. He was sitting lazily on a broad couch and was eating some junk food that stood on the nobel coffee table.
"Thomas, how about you move your lazy ass and start helping me for a moment? I still need to move the vases from my parents into the basement." Teresa shot the boy on the couch a stern glare and watched him as he lifted himself up complaining. He ran his fingers through his mahogany hair before he disappeared, hauling the glorious vases into the basement.
Teresa turned to Minho, smiling. "You nervous?" she asked while starting to put bowls and plates filled with food on the table.
"Very." he admitted, swallowing.
"Don't worry. This will work well. And if something happens there are still Thomas and me – even though I think I'll be much more of help." she said and her words made Minho smile instantly. Teresa made him truly believe there wasn't anything to worry about.
So, for the next twenty minutes the three friends prepared the house for the coming party and soon guests arrived. The darker it was getting outside the more people were coming and after an hour the house was well filled. Friends brought their own friends with them, couples arrived hand in hand and even a few strangers were in place. The music seemed to get louder by every minute passing and the alcohol could be probably smelled from outside. The garden was used as a second dancefloor and the lights hung in the trees, blinking in radiant colours.
Minho sat next to Brenda and Gally in the living room, watching them argue over who had more muscles. They were openly wasted by now and the alcohol made their words sound slurred. Of course, it was visible that Gally had a few more muscles but still Brenda told him that she had great calf muscles because of the running she did. Soon Gally was pinching her legs and they started talking about tights. Minho was only half listening to them until he heard the door bell ring again, silently wishing for Newt to arrive finally.
"Ah, there you are! Thought you'd never come!" Minho heard Teresa cheer happily and curiously he stood up, slowly making his way over to the corridor.
"Yeah, that bloody shank felt the need to stain his shirt first. So, it took some time cleaning it and letting it dry." he heard a sweet laugh in his ears like the sound of clear christmas bells ringing. And then he saw him. Newt stood inside the door frame next to Ben. He looked breathtaking, like an angel glowing in the darkness. The black shirt hugged his lean frame so nicely Minho had to push down the urge to tear it off of him.
"Barbecue sauce is quite hard to clean up." Ben added with a soft murmur and again Newt chuckled. And right in that very moment Minho thought there wasn't enough deadly liquid in his veins yet. He needed more – more to forget the pain that crept up his back again. He needed more alcohol to drown out the jealousy that laced up his throat just by seeing the both boys standing next to each other.
"You're such a child, Ben! But come in you two. Drinks are waiting to be imbibed and I even made cupcakes so you better try them." the dark haired girl giggled and Newt shot her a warm smile.
"Sorry, Teresa, but the drinks have to wait for someone else. Promised this moron to stay sober tonight." Ben said while grinning dreamingly at the smaller boy beside him. Minho felt his breathing become heavier but when he saw Newt smiling back at Ben he swore he heard his heart break. He wanted to be smiled at like that by Newt. He wanted to stand next to him in the door frame and joke about the food he spilled over his clothes. His breathing became faster. Short, hard breaths left his plump lips but somehow it didn't feel like they could keep him alive anymore. He needed a drink, he needed to forget all of this.
In some sort of daze he stumbled into the kitchen, his mind spinning and his head slowly growing dizzy. Minho pulled a bottle of vodka out of the fridge eyeing it closely before opening it. He wasn't a big fan of strong alcohol like this but right now he simply craved it. It could help him forget his worries. So, he filled a red little paper cup with the clear liquid. It looked like salty tears floating in depths of crimson red. For a short moment he looked at it, thinking of the boy he loved, before chugging the drink in one go. The liquid shot down his throat, leaving a burning trail and making him close his eyes hard because of the fire it left inside of him. The vodka erupted like a flame inside his stomach and suddenly it warmed the sad boy. Maybe that's the warmth he would feel when Newt would hug him, touch him, kiss him. Maybe there'd be flames inside of him, too, when he'd let his hands caress the blonde's skin. Maybe there'd be a fire burning under his fingertips when he'd slip his hands under the hem of Newt's shirt or inside the waistband of his ripped, black jeans.
Minho felt his body crying with want – his knees trembling and his hands shaking. But instead of trying to make it stop he chugged another drink. And another, and another. His cup filled again and again until his view grew blurry and he had to grip the edge of the kitchen counter to stop himself from falling. The time flew by without Minho noticing. The music wasn't more than a blur of beats and noise.
"Minho? Are you okay?" he hadn't even noticed that Newt stood by his side with a look of worry in his eyes, his small hand at the back of Minho's neck. But the Asian boy didn't answer. His thoughts buzzed like bees inside his mind.
"Why are you doing this, Newt?" he cried out slurring, his expression changing visibly and his eyebrows drawing together helplessly.
Newt looked at him confused but the worry clouding his sight never left. "What are you talking about, Minho?" he asked now gripping both of the boy's shoulders tightly.
"You are hurting me! Stop hurting me!" Minho slurred, his voice becoming louder. With wide eyes the blonde took his hands from his friend. He apologized silently but Minho didn't pay attention to his words. He shoved him against the kitchen counter leaving the blonde shocked and scared of what his next actions might be. And for a moment it was quiet. Minho had his strong body pressed closely against Newt's more lean one. Their faces were inches apart from eachother and Minho was panting heavily, his hot breath hitting the blonde's lower lip. The music was still blasting through the boxes, making their hearts find a whole new rhythm.
"Min..." Newt whispered softly while trying to find an answer inside of the dark eyes in front of him. They looked like melting chocolate and Newt felt their sweetness slowly dripping down his entire body.
"You're hurting me, Newt." Minho's voice was nothing more than the ghost of a whisper hitting the tautness between the two boys. Hot tears made his view go blurry, streamed down his face and wetted his flushed cheeks. Dark chocolate brown almost drowned in pools of salty tears.
"Oh god-" Newt was suprised by his friend's sudden change in emotion and cupped Minho's cheeks carefully. He let his thumbs softly wipe away a wet trail on the taller one's cheeks but the fresh prickle of tears couldn't be catched fast enough.
"It's not fair." Minho slurred again, whimpering needy under Newt's touch. The blonde's fingertips felt like sweet, little butterflies kissing his skin and he wanted them everywhere on his body.
"What is not fair, Minho? Come on, talk to me." Newt tried again this time forcing the other to look at him. He felt Minho's slim fingers gripping his hips shakily, felt the other's thumbs rubbing gingerly over the small trail of skin he just uncovered.
"I- ... Ben hasn't loved you as long as I have. He- he doesn't love you as much as I do. It's not fair." Minho cried before moving his head to kiss the other boy's neck hurriedly. He let his plump lips travel upon smooth, creamy skin leaving small pecks on every spot. "It's not fair that he can have you, Newt." he mumbled achingly between sweet butterfly kisses. "It's not fair that he can have you all to himself." this time he grazed his teeth gently along the blonde's neck, making him gasp in suprise.
"M-Minho, I don't-" Newt wheezed but before he could carry on the Asian boy was facing him again – his wide, sad eyes burning holes into Newt's heart. Minho's tears made his skin gleam under the few colourful lights of the kitchen that hung over cupboards and chairs and made his eyes seem like clear crystal balls shining like a whole huddle of stars.
"I love you, Newt." the words dropped from his lips as fast as the tears from his eyes and it got agonizing quiet. Somehow it felt for Minho as if the music wasn't loud and the alcohol not strong enough. Newt just stared at him and suddenly Minho didn't want to be seen by him at all. But he carried on, anyway. "I have loved you from the shucking start – before you even knew my name or knew who Ben was." Minho had to swallow hard and separated himself from the blonde before he'd lose his control another time. His trembling hands clutched his own sides tightly and with wobbly legs he stumbled backwards not even daring to look at the sorrowful expression on Newt's beautiful face. "I love you so much it's killing me from the inside. I- I'm losing my mind, Newt! I'm losing my mind in the progress of loving you because I know I can never have you." without noticing he sunk to his knees, letting his head fall into his hands. The tears burned in his eyes, his heart felt sore. But he couldn't stop now. "Shuck! You are driving me insane! Whenever I see you I have to push down the urge to kiss the sense out of you right then and there. And seeing Ben do everything I'm dreaming of every shucking night- I don't know if I can do this any longer. I tried to forget you and my thoughts -my damn thoughts!- but it- it doesn't work. It doesn't work." Minho was a complete mess by now. He tugged at the ends of his silky, black hair and sucked in shaky breaths. But not once he dared to look up.
"Minho." Newt tried to soothe him but the black haired boy shook his head violently, not letting Newt get too close to him.
"No, Newt. I am breaking just because of loving you!" finally his head shot up, his hazy eyes filled with so much pain – so, so much pain. He looked straight at the blonde. "Everything I do? It's because of you, Newt. I'd do anything for you and it's scaring me so much. I- ... I've fallen so hard for you I feel like I can never barely get up on my own again." Minho finally said. He didn't know what to say else and the alcohol in his veins only deepened the feeling of impotence. But there he was – lastly released from all of the thoughts he had carried on his shoulders for far too long. And even though the sudden silence ripped and tugged at his heart and made his palms get sweaty because of all the nervousness all over again, he still felt free.
The tears were now spilling from his mocha eyes as if he couldn't control himself anymore. His whole body trembled while sob after sob ripped through his chest.
"Oh god, Min... – My Min." Newt let himself fall to his knees, facing the other boy in front of him. He'd never seen him so broken before. All this time it had been Newt, who was crushing and ruining himself. All this time it had been Minho helping the other boy and lifting him up from the ground over and over again not the other way around. But this time it was Minho who needed Newt. This time Newt had to be the guardian.
"It's okay. You are okay." the blonde whispered softly to the trembling boy while rubbing small circles on his back. He let his fingertips ghost over Minho's broad shoulders, down his spine and back up till he reached the small hairs at the back of his neck. His slim fingers ran gently through silky, black hair and soon he felt Minho's hands slip around his slender frame again. The Asian boy sobbed quietly into the crook of Newt's neck while his fingers clawed helplessly at the soft fabric of the shorter boy's shirt.
"It hurts, Newt. It hurts so much." Minho wept while clinging to the blonde for dear life. It broke Newt's heart seeing him like this and hearing his name slip off Minho's lips so miserably. He never thought of a moment like this. Newt had been in love with Minho for far too long to exactly remember when all of it started but never did he even dare to think of a moment like this. Sometimes he had felt guilt crawling out of the depths of his mind whenever he thought of Minho while being with Ben. Newt wished he could only love Ben like he loved Minho but it never seemed to work no matter how hard he tried. Minho was always a slightest bit ahead of Ben.
"Hey, Min. Shh. Look at me." Newt muttered softly while trying to cup the other's cheeks again. Minho let out a small whimper, still wanting to bury his face in the warmth of Newt's body but soon was facing the other boy again. And his eyes were so wide and beautiful, his lips slightly trembling but still so kissable it made Newt's stomach churn. His thumb stroked Minho's lower lip lovingly and before he could think about it he leaned in. Their lips brushed against eachother for a brief moment and both boys could feel fireworks exploding inside of their bodies. Their eyelids fluttered shut.
"I love you, too." Newt finally mumbled gently against the other boy's lips. And right after those words left his lips Minho knew he couldn't control himself anymore. His hands cupped Newt's cheeks as well and needy he pulled the lean boy closer to himself, pushing their lips together. He had never felt something like that before and it just left him gasping for air and begging for more. Still craving he sucked on Newt's lower lip, making the blonde gasp and slid his tongue sneakily into his mouth. The boy tasted like sweet whipped cream and raspberries and Minho felt himself slowly getting addicted to that taste. He explored every single inch of Newt's mouth but still couldn't help but want more of the boy he loved. His hands slowly slipped down the blonde's arms and just a few seconds after they were laying calmly on Newt's hips. Newt on the other hand hung his arms loosely over Minho's shoulders, crossing his hands behind his neck. The kiss was passionate and filled with so much emotion it seemed to cloud the boys' minds. But by every moment passing it was becoming more demanding. Teeth were clittering against each other, leaving small rattling sounds, and pants as well as little whimpers of longing filled the empty kitchen.
Then Newt pulled away for air. His chest raised and lowered while the air filled and left his lungs. "Promise me something." he said. His hands caressed Minho's cheeks and his fingertips left a trail of a sweet tingling under the skin of the boy.
"Everything." Minho whispered breathless in return while letting his fingers slip silently under the hem of Newt's shirt to stroke the soft skin that laid underneath.
"Promise me you'll still be there tomorrow." the blonde mumbled kissing the black haired boy straight on the lips for another short moment. A whimper of want came from the back of Minho's throat and his thumbs hooked in the waistband of Newt's dark jeans.
"I promise you."
* * * * * *
And when Minho woke up the next morning, tangled in unfamiliar sheets and a warm body pressed to his side, he remembered it all too well. The hangover may had been there, too, but when he opened his eyes and saw the mop of sweet honey hair leaning on his broad chest it was long forgotten. A beaming smile found place on his lips and he swore he could still feel the tingle Newt's lips left on his. He tugged the skinny boy closer to himself and let his fingertips travel over the smooth skin of Newt's arms.
"Just five more minutes." the blonde slurred sleepily and Minho chuckled softly at him. Newt squirmed in his grip and soon was hugging his waist tightly, sending shivers down Minho's spine.
"Take all the time you need, love." he murmured softly into Newt's golden locks while still stroking his smooth skin adoringly.
And in that very moment he knew everything would be okay. He had the boy he loved in his arms and he wouldn't let him go anytime soon. He knew he was good enough.