Chapter Text
‘Let me walk you to your car’
Gaipa is looking at him from underneath his lashes, an expectant little smile playing on his lips. Alan feels it sprout inside him, the smile he’s trying not to show. This whole evening he’s struggled not to bubble out into laughter, even the dry documents in front of him seem infinitely interesting. He had caught a glimpse of Gaipa’s birth date and birth place in the copy of the birth certificate he handed Alan. Against all logic, Alan had responded with a blush.
‘It’s okay, I don’t want to bother you,’ Alan responds because he has to. He can’t just go on a stroll in the cool night air, the lights of the marina twinkling in the background like fireflies on a busy street, with a client.
Gaipa shakes his head immediately, ‘It’s not a bother. I’m headed in the same direction.’
And this time Alan has to look at the ground to hide his grin between pursed lips. He runs his hand over his face to school it back into the vicinity of normal and stops himself from pointing out how Gaipa doesn’t know where he parked his car.
Alan nods and gestures towards the direction he’s headed. He says goodbye to Wen, who waves from the food truck excitedly and pretends he doesn’t see the teasing way he raises his eyebrows at him. His desire to keep it lowkey is futile as Saleng whistles at them and Gaipa turns towards him with his middle finger.
The anticipation between them makes things awkward as they walk, slower than necessary, and Alan feels restless, like he’s supposed to do something about this.
‘How have you been holding up?’ Alan asks, then immediately cringes inside. Somehow, reminding Gaipa of his dead mother doesn’t feel like he’s taking their mood in the right direction.
But Gaipa only smiles, ‘I’m okay. I’m sad but it has been nice to find out how truly loved she is.’
‘I can imagine.’ Alan smiles thinking about her spirited personality, her humor and generosity apparent even within the dry financial transactions they have encountered each other over. She’s so very like - Alan darts his eyes quickly for a peek at Gaipa who’s looking down at his thumbs as he fiddles them together, biting his bottom lip shyly.
Alan sends out a little prayer that he survives this stroll, ‘She loved you a lot.’ Alan continues, he’s sure that Gaipa knows but its worth seeing the way his eyes light up in equal parts surprise and delight, ‘She talked about me?’
‘Constantly,’ Alan can’t help tease, ‘I’ve seen your baby pictures, your high school and college graduation photos. A year ago you got distracted at work and nearly cut off your finger. You spend too much time tanning at the beach. You work too hard and need to take more breaks-’
‘Okay, okay.’ Gaipa puts a hand on his shoulder to stop him from saying any more. Alan doesn’t even have the time to feel shy with the way his heart lurches in his chest at the quick contact. 'Wow that’s-' Gaipa rubs the back of his own head sheepishly, ‘-that’s really embarrassing. I’m sorry.’
‘No, I enjoyed it.’ Alan says and hates how heavy it sounds, how awkward it sits within the light mood of a moment ago, ‘I liked hearing about her hot, gay son.’
Gaipa stops walking abruptly, ‘Excuse me?’ Alan only just realizes what had slipped out, how it might be construed, ‘Her words.’ He clarifies and has to swallow, because it’s close but not exactly.
Gaipa nods, his lips going into a tiny ‘o’ as he chuckles, ‘she really said I was hot?’
‘Yeah,’ Alan tries to muffle his laughter but it still comes out in snorts, ‘When she tried to set us up.’
Gaipa’s eyes go wide in mortification and he keeps nodding like he’s short circuiting, ‘Alright. it was nice talking to you. I’m going to go now and have Saleng bury me in the sand.’ This time Alan lets himself laugh freely as he quickly grabs Gaipa’s wrist to prevent him from leaving. When Gaipa looks at their joined hands, Alan realizes what he’s doing and lets it go immediately, ‘you said you’d walk me to my car. We’re close. See it through.’
Gaipa looks surprised again and once more its from Gaipa’s reaction he realizes how demanding that sounded. ‘Please.’ He tacks on after a moment, ‘If you have time.’ Gaipa nods again and they start walking once more. The mood returns to the quiet awkwardness from before, this time with Alan’s heart thundering in his ears, making it seem like he’s just floating through the noise of the world, him and Gaipa somehow detached from it.
Alan sees his car and can’t help but feel disappointed and for one insane moment he thinks about pretending to forget where its parked. ‘This is me,’ Alan points at the blue sedan only a few short steps ahead. Gaipa really does walk him to the door and then they stand there looking at each other, unsure of how to say goodbye.
‘It was nice,’ Gaipa says suddenly, ‘This is the kind of thing I would go home and yell at her about. But it was nice. Like I’m still getting to know her.’
‘She used to try to set you up often?’ Alan teases again.
‘Only if they were my type.’ Gaipa says and this time there’s no mistaking the way his cheeks are flaming but he doesn’t divert his eyes from Alan anymore. And they look at each other as the tension between them slowly drives Alan mad. Alan is so dangerously close to-
Gaipa pushes him against the car with a hand on his chest and presses their lips together. It’s messy and their teeth colliding isn’t exactly the most pleasant experience but Gaipa’s breath fanning across his lips lights a fire in him, he’s not sure he’s ever had lit before.
When Alan is slow to respond, Gaipa pulls away and Alan’s chest squeezes from the stricken look on his face, ‘I’m sorry.’ Distressingly, Gaipa is only moving further and further away by the second, ‘Did I read this wrong?’
‘You didn’t.’ Alan doesn’t have time for the dissertation of his insecurities and relationship baggage, ‘I can’t do this with a client.’ Alan explains instead and Gaipa nods in understanding, puts a professional amount of distance between them.
Alan knows that he should stop here, let Gaipa walk away. At least for now. There’s so many things to sort out. There is everything with Wen that lingers despite his best efforts and there’s Gaipa’s own grief to consider. But if he’s being honest, it feels like there is only one choice.
‘So please don’t get me fired,’ Alan pulls Gaipa back to himself with his hands cupping Gaipa’s face. Gaipa’s fingers curl into Alan's shirt as he steadies himself and kisses Alan back. Gaipa’s lips are soft and his mouth tastes sweet, contentment whispered in their mingling breaths.
Maybe Alan is desperate; to move on, to feel desired, to not feel so horribly empty. But when Gaipa’s tongue pushes into his mouth, soft and insistent in the way it tangles with his, Alan can’t help but think of something that Wen threw at him frequently during their fights but Alan had never understood:
When I come here I want to feel like I’m returning home.