Chapter Text
[A black screen, accompanied by quiet shuffling. There’s a cough, a shut of a door, then some rustling. The screen becomes coloured, and Rei comes on.]
“Hey, guys,” he greets, and chat bursts into action. ‘Hi’s, ‘hello’s and many different greetings typed into chat. There’s a few things that are off topic, and a few somewhat sarcastic comments about how Rei’s eyebags really bring out his eye colour. He stares dead ahead, and then chat slows down.
“Thank you,” he says, when chat isn’t insulting him anymore, and then shuffles about a bit, moving his camera to the bottom right corner, and boots up a competitive shooting game, getting straight into a match. Chat bursts again, insulting his shit shooting skills. He rolls his eyes as he dies, and sends a middle finger to chat. They’re pretending to be offended.
“Not like you can do any better,” he says, not starting a new match.”I can shoot like a boss in real life anyways, so this doesn’t matter.”
reedontplay donated $1: what, you’re american now?
Rei, upon hearing a robotic voice call him american, lets a hint of a smile on his face. Chat again bursts into action, saying how fantastic his smile looks. He rolls his eyes at that. “Whatever,” he says, and then begins a new match.
Rei @reiofficial
my (couch crashing) roommate cooked some really nice curry and that is the reason stream ended early today. sorry not sorry, food is too important.
rei’s eyebags @lilymeadow
we really need to know more about this leech of a human. you literally never shut up about them but at the same time i know shit about anything about them
#1 cat mum @catmothernee
I’m fully convinced it’s actually a girlfriend. Rei seems a bit too happy when talking about the roommate, just saying >.>
reiofficialofficial ⟳ ohbabymy
ohbabymy
what the fuck was that death. rei you suck
[id: fanart of rei, him sitting in his gamer chair, looking dead inside. his eyes have no colour to them, and he’s wearing a black tank top. he’s in a facecam, and the screen is taken up by a “you got killed, you fuckin’ nerd” text, written in comic sans. behind the text, there’s a red tinted image, where fanart of rei’s character is on the floor, ass up with ‘x’s for eyes. end id.]
reiofficialofficial
thanks.
you know how i said i knew how to use a gun irl? yeah.
[The video turns on, and Kazuki is rushing about, trying to get things in order. There’s shouting coming from somewhere, and it seems like a little kid throwing a fit. Kazuki locks the door to his kitchen, smiles into the camera.]
“Hey, guys!” he says, and waves enthusiastically at the screen. There’s still some noise from outside the door, but Kazuki seems to have chosen to ignore it. Instead, he says, “Today, we’re making my roommate’s favourite dish, spicy chicken curry!”
[The video drones on, as Kazuki entertains as well as cooks, and handles talking and entertaining and cooking all surprisingly well. He’s making a cake for dessert, and he somehow manages to get himself covered in flour (for a bit) and crack an egg on the ceiling (due to some shouting coming from the outside of the kitchen. At that, he leaves, and the video is cut to him coming back, the corners of his lips smeared red.]
“My daughter wanted to put some makeup on,” is his only explanation, and he continues to cook as if nothing is wrong.
[The video ends with Kazuki’s famed roommate's hand coming onto the screen, wavering between a thumbs up and a thumbs down, and eventually landing on a thumbs up. The video has some fanfare, then it ends.]
zoroslefttit ⟳ lalabitch
zoroslefttit
ok but hear me out: rei’s roommate cooked him a curry he loved, then two days later kazuki uploads a video where he cooks a curry, specifically for his roommate.
[image of the ‘The Incredibles’ meme, with the teacher, captioned, “coincidence? I THINK NOT!”.]
lalabitch
babes you may be overthinking this.
zoroslefttit
suck my cock, lara
lalabitch
okay i guess someone is getting no head
zoroslefttit
WAIT NO
Papa Kazuki! @kazukiskitchen
Miri told me I look very pretty. She is obviously very right <3
[ID: Kazuki, hair tied back at the nape of his neck, with a face full of messy makeup. His eyelids are blue, his cheeks yellow, and lips a mix of red and pink. The image is slightly blurred, as if the camera was shaken when it was taken.]
he done messed up @whalesareinteresting
tell miri she is very talented <3
boohoo hoe @englandsbiggesthoe
isn’t your daughter like 4? why does she do makeup
Papa Kazuki! @kazukiskitchen
Miri does what she pleases <3. Expect for things that she does not.
boohoo hoe @englandsbiggesthoe
okay……………
[Rei, doing a ‘just chatting’ stream. ‘Animal Crossing’ music is playing in the background, and Rei is holding tightly onto a mario kart plush. He squeezes its head as he talks. Behind him, on his bed, his cat sleeps soundly.]
“But, yeah. My roommate and I have known each other for quite a while. I was shit when we met, I have no idea how they dealt with me,” he says, and he looks dreamy as he talks. “I got better, obviously. But, uh, yeah. That’s enough talk about them.”
Chat explodes with messages, and keeps going, asking for Rei to speak more. He elects to let his eyes skip past these asks, and focuses on other questions, with other stories taking over the stream.
laraslover donated $5: okay but can we talk about your roommate again? i need to prove something iykwim
Rei eyes the message carefully. He, slowly, asks, “Are you tumblr user ‘zoroslefttit’?”
Chat goes wild, and the user leaves a message in chat, saying that ‘nevermind never speak about me again’. Rei’s cat jumps onto the screen, covering Rei’s arrogant face.
[Later in the stream, the door to Rei’s room opens, and a hand throws in a caprisun, followed closely by a hot water bottle. There’s a muffled voice speaking. The cat leaves, starts meowing at the person outside the door.]
Rei hums, and then answers with, “Thank you. Tell her thank you, too.”
Chat is immediately suspicious. They ask questions and demand answers, but nothing is given. They give up not too long after.
[The stream ends with Rei noticing the time, and saying he needs to get to sleep. The chat says goodbye, and wish him goodnight.]
asdisaysno ⟳ maraandco
asdisaysno
okay but rei speaking so softly of his roommate in tonigjts stream ……..
maraandco
i will literally eat my bird if he speaks of them like this more often that was so cute. hes so in love with them i swear
asdisaysno
legit. what the hell was that. hes in love. im going insane.
Papa Kazuki! @kazukiskitchen
No video this week! Sorry guys, but Miri has gotten very sick!
Rei @reiofficial
no stream today. preoccupied.
zoroslefttit ⟳ lalabitch
zoroslefttit
[a screenshot of the kazuki and rei’s tweets, minutes apart]
hm.
lalabitch
you want to say youre onto something.
zoroslefttit
I AM ONTO SOMETHING
[Kazuki’s kitchen, where there’s no one on screen. There’s a hushed noise, then, from under the counter, bursts Kazuki and Miri, both grinning, shouting, “SURPRISE!”. There’s some laughing, and Kazuki stares lovingly at Miri.]
“Today,” Kazuki begins, and nudges Miri.
“We’re making french toast!” Miri shouts, excitedly. Kazuki laughs, and he begins getting out ingredients.
[Later in the video, Kazuki fretting over Miri, he starts talking about a birthday party for his roommate.]
“Well, I could always film us making their cake, so that I could monetise it!” He says, and laughs at Miri trying to copy him. There’s some shuffling off camera, and Kazuki looks panicked.
[The video cuts.]
“Sorry, guys! Roommate's cat was on the counter,” Kazuki explains. Miri mumbles something, but the video continues, undeterred.
[Roommate gives the french toast a thumbs up.]
Papa Kazuki! @kazukiskitchen
Roommate is out of the house! Come watch me livestream making their cake!
[link.]
rei’s eyebags @lilymeadow
hmmmm. same day as rei’s birthday…. maybe tumblr user zoroslefttit truly was onto something
zoroslefttit ⟳ reiofficialofficial
reiofficialofficial
my partner wanted me to put makeup on. i said no. they cried. i said yes.
zoroslefttit
PARTNER???? HELLO???? IS THIS ROOMMATE??? IS ROOMMATE YOUR PARTNER NOW???
Papa Kazuki! @kazukiskitchen
Miri just called my partner papa and for the first time ever they didn’t correct her i guess love is real
kazuki be my papa @ericadoesnotknow
PARTNER??????????????????? OH MY GOD. SECOND DAD????????
lalabitch ⟳zoroslefttit
zoroslefttit
[Screenshots of the previous twitter threads.]
okay so. no way.
lalabitch
okay no thats too much of a coincidence. you right.
[Rei’s stream. He’s playing Minecraft Bedwars, and he’s surprisingly good at it. Chat is still shit talking him, though.]
“I don’t think anyone can beat me,” he boasts, monotone. He is immediately killed by a steve skin with a wooden sword.
[Rei leaves the screen, and loud screaming ensues, scaring his cat off the bed and under it. Rei is about to sit down, when his door bursts open, and a worried child is seen.]
“ARE YOU OKAY?” She screams. Chat goes crazy, and Rei immediately panics. The stream is ended immediately, people asking questions.
lalabitch
[ID: a screenshot of the girl in Rei’s stream, zoomed in, grainy.]
IS THAT FUCKING MIRI? OH MY GOD MY BF WAS RIGHT
Rei @reiofficial
okay so yeah. tumblr user zoroslefttit? i owe you an apology.
lara ! @laralau
oh my gods.
zoroslefttit
[a screenshot of the previous twitter thread]
FUCK YOU ALL.