Archive of Our Own ^beta

Han Yujin thinks he can’t sleep in this situation. No matter how much he tosses and turns in his bed to arrange himself into different positions and his eyelids flutter close, they always open back up again, not allowing him to sleep.

He shouldn’t be worried. Eliminations are tomorrow, and Yujin knows he’s gonna stay. He’s worried about him. Him as in the person that lays in another room, probably sleeping soundly, not sparing another thought towards the dreadful eliminations. Him as in the one who pranced around in his PR video, singing the changed lyrics of the Willy Wonka theme song, him as in the person who smiles at Yujin so comfortingly and fixes his bunny ears into a heart. Him as in Ollie. Him as in Liu Tianyue.

What if he gets eliminated? Yujin can’t be here without Ollie. They’ve been there together since Day 1, hand in hand, and shy smiles directed towards each-other. Yujin doesn’t remember a day where he isn’t thinking about Ollie, a day that Yujin and Ollie don’t have carefully planned schedules to go to the practice rooms, where the cameras aren’t rolling.

This is all killing Yujin so very slowly. He can’t sleep, he has fully acknowledged that now as he fully sucks in the situation. If Yujin thinks about it, then there’s no way that Ollie is gonna get eliminated. He’s fairly popular amongst the Boys Planet fanbase, and last time Yujin checked, he ranked near the twenties, and the judges like him so there’s no possible way they can just throw him out like that, right?

And then it all creeps into Yujin that it makes him realise that you never know if his votes could suddenly go down and he could end up getting eliminated. Yujin’s heart breaks at that thought, it really does. Because if Ollie gets eliminated, then Yujin might cry. He might just break down right there and run up to Ollie, begging him not to go, plead for him to stay with him, he’d try convincing the judges to let him stay or something.

If Yujin cries, what if Ollie cries too? What if that’s the last time that Yujin is ever able to see Ollie? What if that’s the last moment they have, and they have no more quick pecks in the middle of practices, or shivering walks outside when no one else is looking? Yujin doesn’t want that to happen. He doesn’t want that to be the last memory he has with Ollie if he gets eliminated. He refuses to let it happen.

Yujin lifts himself up from his position in bed, hands grounding him on each side. His eyes shift nervously to the other bunks in the room as he slips out of bed quietly, making sure that each and every eyelid on the other roommates are closed. With silent steps, he walks towards the door, his hand laying idly on the door knob.

Should he? If he gets caught, he might have to deal with severe consequences, berate him for attempting to leave the camp at this hour, they might even take him off the show. All of that ends up flying over Yujin’s head when he twists the door knob and he departs from his room, shutting the door with a quiet thud. Tip-toeing down the hallway to one room. It’s all worth it if he gets caught because Yujin won’t be on here if there is no Ollie.

Yujin doesn’t even know where his feet are leading him to. He just moves, moves as if he has a place to go, like he’s hustling to somewhere, almost as if he’s being held at gunpoint. He keeps moving until he arrives at a certain door, staring nervously at it. What if it’s locked and he doesn’t see Ollie before he goes?

Hurry up, he heard the voice in his head say, steady on its tone. If you don’t open the door now, then he might be gone by the next second, and Yujin sucks in a deep breath before opening the door swiftly but gently. His eyes scan the room until it locks on a certain someone, his black hair puffed out and draped all over his face. At first, Yujin couldn’t even tell that it was Ollie, with the way it was covering his eyes.

Yujin stands by the entrance of Ollie’s room for a solid five seconds before he starts his track again but this time, he’s headed towards Ollie’s bed. Yujin felt his pulse quicken the more he heard Ollie’s roommates shuffle around in their beds and Yujin stopped dead in his tracks when he heard a yawn come out from one of their mouths that he almost toppled over.

Yujin stands idly in the centre of the room, scared to move. If he moves, he fears that someone might wake up and catch him here in Ollie’s room, questioning him on why he’s here and why he isn’t sleeping. Question him on why he basically broke into their room. Yujin would rather die than to face that type of humiliation. Yujin would rather bury himself into a hole to admit that he was just overthinking and he wants to see Ollie, because it’ll relieve him and it’ll make Yujin feel a little bit better, that Ollie leaves him on a good note.

Yujin sighs before covering his mouth and glancing around the room to see if anybody caught that, but Yujin can’t hear anything besides the dead silence and the soft snores of everyone else in the room. Yujin takes it as a green flag and continues on moving towards Ollie’s bed, and he kneels down to get a better look at Ollie.

Ollie looks beautiful whether he’s awake or not and it still takes Yujin’s breath to this day. He knows that Ollie is good-looking, with his boyish features and his heart-wrecking smile. Yujin has looked endearingly at the photos of Ollie that their fans post on Twitter, his so-called pre-debut photos and Yujin can’t help but be proud that that’s his his boyfriend. Proud that he’s the one that Ollie chose and no one else.

But that all might just end if Ollie gets eliminated tomorrow. With a furrowed brow, Yujin picks up one hand and pokes at Ollie softly. Ollie doesn’t budge. Yujin bites his lip nervously as he watches Ollie’s chest heave up and down and he suddenly realises that Ollie is a deep sleeper. Yujin thinks dumbly of what to do before he moves on to the next stage, he simply just shakes Ollie lightly. Ollie still doesn’t wake up but he shifts around to sleep on his back and Yujin has a more direct view of Ollie.

Must Yujin mention again how he has always thought that Ollie looked good? Ollie was always just so effortlessly handsome, effortlessly cute, effortlessly attractive. Sometimes Yujin envied Ollie. Did he even deserve Ollie, was he good enough or good-looking enough for Ollie? But Ollie always tells him he is. Ollie always holds his hand and smiles at him happily and reassures him that he’s everything Ollie has ever wanted.

Yujin snaps out of thoughts and resorts to his last choice to wake Ollie up. He shakes Ollie lightly again before whispering, “Ollie. Are you awake?” And Yujin feels shaken when Ollie stirs around in his sleep, back on his side, but this time his back is facing the wall and the front of Ollie’s body is facing Yujin. Yujin sighs, almost in defeat, but then Ollie’s eyelids flutter open just in time.

And now Yujin is just looking into Ollie’s eyes, as Ollie tries to blink himself awake. Yujin doesn’t think Ollie has even realised that it’s Yujin who is trying to wake him up. Yujin just kneels there, staring into the galaxy of stars that are Ollie's eyes. They remain in utter silence for another six seconds before Ollie has really woken up.

“Yujin..?” Ollie’s groggy voice calls out and Yujin feels guilty for waking him up. Ollie tries his best to muster a smile but he’s too tired to do so so he resorts to just sitting up, staring idly at Yujin with the kindest eyes he’s ever seen.

Yujin bows his head lightly, red flushing over his cheeks, “Sorry. Did I wake you? Are you tired?” Yujin tilts his head back up and Ollie nods his head in a motion that reassures Yujin but it can’t just immediately get rid of that nagging feeling in the back of his head that he’s disturbing Ollie. And maybe he’s the reason that Ollie has been slacking recently.

“No.” Ollie simply says in a light tone before he says something else, “I’m not tired. I already slept a lot before this, so you’re good, Yujin.” But the way that Ollie yawns and stretches his arms outwards tells Yujin everything. It’s a lie and he’s just trying to make Yujin feel better but it doesn’t exactly rid the guilt that Yujin feels.

Yujin’s voice pipes up in the silence, “I… couldn’t sleep. I wanted to ask if you were up to go out for a walk or something. A reality check.” Yujin catches the way that Ollie’s face morphs into an expression of concern, and Yujin is thankful that Ollie chooses not to comment on it. Yujin doesn’t know if he can control himself from just bawling out right there, in front of Ollie over all his worries. He doesn’t know if he can risk waking anyone else up.

“Yeah. I can. Can you…” Ollie pauses and looks around his room, eyes settling on a hoodie that just lays flatly on the ground, “Can you wait outside? I’ll be there soon. Just give me a minute to change into something more fitting for the weather.” Yujin doesn’t object. He just stands up, tossing a light wave to Ollie as he’s headed for the door again.

He can feel Ollie’s intense stare on him but he doesn’t look back. He just leaves the room and slumps up against the wall next to Ollie’s room. Ollie must be tired. He did a good job in his performance, and Yujin remembers the disappointment that appeared in his face when the votes were revealed. The drastic ratio between him and Park Hanbin.

Yujin wanted to comfort him but Zhang Hao had beaten him to the task. When he scurried to the area where Ollie’s team was at, ready to tell Ollie that he had done amazing, Zhang Hao was there before him, rubbing Ollie’s back and telling him that he did outstanding, that these people just don’t know what they’re voting for. Yujin only ended up telling Ollie that he did good that day and nothing else.

Yujin must be a terrible boyfriend to Ollie. Maybe it’s better off if Ollie gets eliminated tomorrow, that way he doesn’t have to deal with Yujin’s awkward displays of affection and Yujin having trouble expressing ways to show that he appreciates Ollie. Ollie deserves better than Yujin, a boyfriend who can show him the world and more. A boyfriend who knows how to treat Ollie right. Yujin doesn’t know what he’s doing, he’s only fifteen and he’s never had a relationship before.

Ollie’s his first and that’s saddening to think about. He might not be Ollie’s first, but Ollie is his first. Yujin’s only had simple crushes before but he’s never had the courage to actually act on them. Hell, it wasn’t even Yujin who confessed, it was Ollie, mustering up the bravery to confess to Yujin in a fast rap. It wasn’t anything too complicated nor anything too simple, it was just perfect for Yujin and it made him burst out into giggles before saying that he likes Ollie back.

And from there, they got into a relationship. And now, here Yujin is, thinking that he might not be enough for Ollie simply because he’s inexperienced. What if Ollie ends up getting tired of him and the way he doesn’t know how to do things? Yujin only knows romance based off of movies, but he doesn’t even make any moves. It’s mostly Ollie doing it all because he knows that Yujin doesn’t know what he’s doing.

Yujin feels almost useless in this relationship.

Yujin is too lost in his thoughts and overthinking everything about his relationship that he doesn’t notice Ollie slip outside of his room, he doesn’t hear the click of the door when Ollie closes it and sits down on the wall next to Yujin. Ollie can tell that Yujin has spaced out with the way he’s just staring into nothingness and he waits for two seconds until he pokes Yujin and snaps him out of his mind.

Yujin directs his attention towards Ollie, who motions for them that he’s done and ready to go out on a walk. Yujin nods silently as he stands up, and holds out a hand for Ollie to grab. Ollie grabs it and stands up as well, shoving one hand in his pocket and keeping one hand interlocked with the hand that Yujin used to lift Ollie up. Yujin’s hand feels warm.

Ollie ends up leading the way in the hallways, Yujin just following him. They don’t speak a word to each-other and Yujin is alright with that because the silence is still comfortable. Yujin thinks that he can be anywhere with Ollie and he’ll be comfortable, no matter the circumstances. If Ollie is there, then Yujin’s problems miraculously just fly away from him. Maybe that’s the effect of Ollie.

Ollie also ends up being the first to speak up. “I’ve never seen a day where you’ve struggled sleeping. The moment you hit your bed, you’re passed out.” Ollie says playfully but Yujin can tell that there’s a hint of concern in there. Yujin is thankful that Ollie is somewhat worried for him but he doesn’t think he can tell Ollie now. Maybe when they get outside.

Yujin mumbles, “I’m fine. I just… I just can’t sleep. You know, I took a nap during the day.” Yujin lies without a problem but Ollie raises an eyebrow in suspicion. He knows that Yujin wasn’t napping but he respects Yujin and continues not to pick at it further. “Are you sure that you want to take this walk? I know it’s weird suddenly being woken up without any context. If you want to, you can just go back to your room.” Yujin offers but Ollie refuses, just looks back at Yujin with a grin.

“Nah, it’s fine. I needed to go outside anyway and I missed you.” Ollie replies back, his grip on Yujin’s hand tightening as they reach the entrance of the camp, “I have so much to tell you. Have you listened to Yedai’s new track?” Ollie speaks as he opens the door that leads them outside, the cold breeze attacking them both. Yujin’s sensitive to cold temperatures but he sucks it up and heads out with Ollie.

Ollie seems to be doing just fine in the cold breeze and Yujin wonders how he can do it, but he’s not surprised. Ollie’s one of the strongest people he knows. Not strength-wise, but more spirit-wise and personality-wise? Yujin doesn’t know how to describe it. Yujin feels bumps rise on his arms but he ignores them.

“No. What is it?” Yujin questions and Ollie seems to brighten up when Yujin asks. It puts a smile on Yujin’s face to see Ollie so happy talking about something that he likes. If Ollie’s happy, then Yujin’s happy. Ollie just rambles on about the new Lo-fi he’s gotten into and the new game soundtracks that sound so cool and how much he wants to go out to their local game shop and just purchase them so he can lock himself up in his room and game for days. And Yujin just listens to him with a lovesick expression on his face.

Yujin ends up forgetting that the eliminations are tomorrow.

“Yujin,” Ollie calls out his name and Yujin looks at Ollie to show that he’s listening, “I’m hungry.” Ollie sticks out his lower lip in a pout and Yujin can’t help himself but laugh as he fishes out his phone from his jean pocket. They stop in their track. Ollie ends up getting closer towards Yujin and sneaks an arm around his shoulder, making Yujin also stop what he was doing to look at Ollie. “What? Continue on, I’m just cold.” Ollie murmurs into the shoulder of Yujin, somehow bringing himself closer.

It’s a lie but Yujin just lets him because he also likes being close to Ollie. “There’s a 7/11 nearby if you want to get a quick snack there. I think I have some money on me so I can pay.” Yujin turns his head to look at Ollie, also bringing up his phone to showcase it to Ollie.

Ollie ends up putting on a faux-annoyed face and grumbles into the body of Yujin, “I’m older than you, I’m supposed to be paying.” Such traditional ways to think and Yujin snickers because they’ve never really cared about that. Hell, they’re a gay couple for fucks sake, they’re already going against traditional ways of relationships.

“As if you care,” Yujin says in a taunting tone, “If I was you, I would just suck it up! It’s free food, how are you gonna say no to that?”

They start walking again, their steps synchronised with the other. “Look at you, growing into a fine young man…” Ollie sighs, almost as if he’s an old man and Yujin raises an eyebrow at him.

“Can you stop acting like you’re thirty years older than me for the sake of us? We’re in a relationship, that’s weird.” Yujin retorts back, trying to escape Ollie’s arm but Ollie seems like he’s set on keeping it there, “I suppose there is a slight age difference between us, how will this ever work out?” Yujin says, saying in an overly sarcastic tone.

Ollie smacks Yujin lightly with his other arm making Yujin let out a squeak, “What was that for!” He squawks out a bit loudly that it echoes out in the dead of the night and Ollie lets out a laugh.

“Stop making me feel old. I’m sixteen, not ninety-six.” Ollie leaned his head towards Yujin’s shoulder and Yujin missed this. He’s missed his fun conversations with Ollie, not drowned in the thoughts of training and getting this one song right. They’re not G Group Ollie and K Group Yujin here. They’re just Yujin and Ollie, taking a peaceful stroll out in the streets of Korea, going to 7/11 to grab a bite and then head back to the camp.

From that point on, the conversation is only light giggles from the two of them and joking banters until they react the 7/11, where Ollie ends up taking his arm off of Yujin and running into the gas station (Yujin misses the warmth Ollie provided but he doesn’t say anything). Yujin stands there, stunned in the amount of excitement that Ollie showed just for a stupid gas station before he follows in after Ollie, the automatic door closing behind them.

Yujin picks up his pace to catch up with Ollie, hitting him lightly on the back of his head, “Why are you so excited to be in this place? It’s just 7/11.” Ollie lets out a whine before looking at Yujin like he’s the dumbest person in the world to be asking that.

“Because I’m hungry, duh?” Ollie bluntly says, rolling his eyes before picking up two ramen cups, “Do you prefer the spicy hot chicken noodles or the spicy hot chicken stew type?” Ollie questions, making Yujin turn his head to Ollie holding up two Buldak noodle cups, both of the cups a different colour.

Yujin contemplates on his decisions before pointing to the left where the stew type was held by Ollie’s hand and Ollie nods his head, putting the other cup down and he heads off into another aisle, God knows where. Yujin watches Ollie’s body disappear before he shakes his attention back to the items in front of him. It’s an assortment of a bunch of candies and sweets and Yujin glances side-to-side to see if Ollie is around before moving closer towards the chocolate section of the sweets.

Ollie likes chocolate. He really likes chocolate, it’s one of his favourite foods ever. He would be happy if Yujin got him a chocolate bar, right? And Yujin would be more than happy to get Ollie something that makes him happy, even if it’s a really expensive item that drains out his life-savings. He would do it just to see Ollie’s eyes sparkle and for him to hug Yujin and smother his face in gratitude kisses.

It’s all sweet when Yujin thinks about it, but there’s just one little flaw. Yujin doesn’t know what kind of chocolate Ollie likes. Since when were these many types of chocolate? Yujin only remembers white chocolate, dark chocolate, and milk chocolate, not mint chocolate or half mocha half mint, what are these absurd flavours?

Yujin hears a faint call of his name and he spirals into this panic. God, what type of chocolate would Ollie like? Yujin crosses off these unique flavours that he’s looking at because Ollie’s too simple for that and it all looks like a limited edition. Plus, he’s not even sure if Ollie likes mint (Yujin doesn’t like mint and he’d prefer for Ollie to not like it either).

Yujin eyes the dark chocolate and crosses that off his list as well. Ollie doesn’t like bitter things, the last time he had something bitter was black coffee and he ended up spilling it all over Yujin’s shirt accidentally because of how disgusting it was. Ollie prefers sweet things, so sweet that it overflows his senses and maybe gives him a future case of diabetes or something.

This leaves the last two options to milk chocolate and white chocolate. Milk chocolate is sweet and creamy, and it melts in your mouth. Yujin remembers coming home from soccer everyday in middle school with a milk chocolate bar in hand because he didn’t have time for any other snacks, and then there’s white chocolate, that’s, well… white. Yujin isn’t sure how white chocolate tasted because he’s never had it himself. White is like an angelic colour and Yujin is pretty sure that Ollie is an angel sent from the above (others would disagree. Yujin distinctly remembers each and every time Gyuvin has barged into his room complaining about some devious deed that Ollie pulled on him and Yujin could do nothing but laugh at Ollie’s tricks).

Yujin can’t choose. He ends up shoving both of the chocolate bars in his pocket so Ollie doesn’t see and heads over to the register where Ollie is standing impatiently. When Ollie spots him, he feigns annoyance, “Why’d you take so long? You don’t even have anything in your hands,” Yujin’s eyes dart to Ollie’s eyes where two cups of Buldak noodles and a bottle of wattle are being held.

Yujin gives Ollie a nervous smile, “Sorry. I was… in the bathroom?” Maybe Yujin has a habit of lying because he seems to be doing it a lot lately. Ollie only raises an eyebrow in question and opens his mouth to speak but the cashier at the register seems to beat him to it, impatiently tapping his foot.

“Are you going to place it on the counter so I can check it out or not?” The cashier grumbles and Ollie rushes out an apology before dropping the items on the counter. It doesn’t take long for him to check it all out (if it did, that’d be seriously concerning because it’s three items), and after a moment of silence, the cashier’s voice peeps out, “It’s $10.95. We only accept cash by the way.”

Yujin goes in front of the counter to take out his wallet from the pocket of his jeans. He really does try to hurry up and fish out the money but he also happened to drop his wallet in the process. Blood rushes up to his face as he can hear Ollie stifling a giggle in the background. He can hear the cashier grunt in displeasure and Yujin picks it all up before he can irritate the cashier even more. “Sorry,” Yujin’s voice is meek as he passes up the money, “You can keep the change.”

The cashier practically rips the money out of his hand and Yujin winces before collecting the items for the both of them and handing them to Ollie. “Can you find a table for us?” Yujin asks Ollie. “I need…” Yujin pauses, digging through his mind to find a believable excuse. “I need to go to the bathroom.”

Ollie frowns but he takes the items and heads off. Yujin waits until Ollie is completely out of view before taking the chocolate bars out of his pocket and placing them out on the counter. “Sorry. I know I’ve caused you some struggle already but I swear this is the last thing.”

The cashier groans before scanning the items. He doesn’t even bother saying the price as Yujin hands him a ten dollar bill (in reality, the chocolates were only $4.75 but Yujin wanted to leave the cashier’s sight as soon as possible). In a rush, he takes the chocolates and he nearly runs to Ollie.

When Yujin arrives at the table that Ollie’s settled at, Ollie has a startled expression, almost as if he’s surprised to see Yujin here before he laughs at Yujin’s composure. Yujin’s slumped forward, panting almost as if he ran a marathon. For a soccer player, you would assume he has more stamina but lately, he’s been draining himself out with training and overworking himself. “Why the fuck are you panting?” Ollie gets up from his seat, walking closer and closer towards Yujin.

Yujin raises up, his chest heaving up and down as he sucks in rapid breaths of air. His eyes glance to the table, the cup noodles nowhere to be seen. “W… Where are the noodles?”

Ollie shrugs, “I put them in the gas station microwave since we’re eating here. They still have like two minutes left.”

“Oh.” is all Yujin says before he takes out one of the chocolate bars, “I got you something.” Yujin lays it out flat in his hand and he watches Ollie’s face very closely. Instead of a glowing face like Yujin had expected, Ollie’s face morphs into a grimace until it’s wiped off almost as quickly as it came.

Oh god. Yujin panics. He completely blanks out with the last thing that he hears is Ollie’s voice saying, “You got… white chocolate?” and Yujin’s completely lost in the depths of his mind. Out of all the mishaps he’s had in his fifteen years of living, this one takes the cake. His mind constantly repeats like a mantra that he just fucked up his relationship all because he chose the wrong type of chocolate.

He’s such a horrendous boyfriend. Absolutely atrocious. If there was a reward for the worst boyfriend in the world, then Han Yujin would have surely been plastered on the golden plate. He couldn’t even pick the right type of chocolate (in truth, he had another chocolate bar in his pocket but he couldn’t even bother to look at it right now). Yujin feels like fainting, he feels like just dying right there.

Your boyfriend’s gonna fucking hate you after this, the voices in his head bark out. Yujin couldn’t begin to count the time that started to pass until Ollie snapped him back into reality.

“Are you like, alright…?” Ollie pauses, unsure of what to say when Yujin’s attention is refocused back on him. “You like zoned out for a shit long time.” Yujin externally cringes when he hears the curse word slip out of Ollie’s mouth but he’s used to it because Ollie curses too much for a sixteen year old.

“I… I’m fine.” Yujin tilts his head to the side to avoid eye contact with Ollie, biting his lip a bit too harshly and letting out a quiet yelp that immediately catches Ollie’s concern. Yujin feels stupid, he feels pathetic. All over a bar of chocolate and he feels like his life is gonna crash down on him and make him miserable for the rest of his life. Maybe Yujin should just move to America or something and find a different identity.

“Hey, look at me. It’s fine, Yujin, really.” Ollie reassures, taking the white chocolate bar out of Yujin’s hand and unwrapping it. Yujin turns his head almost immediately and wants to warn Ollie not to eat it if he doesn’t like it because he’ll only be disgusted by the flavour of it, but the words don’t come out of his throat. The whiteness of the chocolate gleams in the dim light and Ollie looks at it like it’s a cursed potion before letting out a sigh.

Yujin gasps when Ollie takes a bite out of the treat and nearly chokes on it (Yujin also catches Ollie curse underneath his breath but Yujin chooses to ignore it for the sake of his sensitivity).

Yujin wants to reach forward and rip the chocolate bar out of Ollie’s hand and toss it somewhere else out of their sight, but before he could do that, Ollie steps towards Yujin. He knows Ollie wouldn’t hurt him but he still can’t help it when he closes his eyes in fear that Ollie will slap him or something for getting him this terrible chocolate.

Instead of a harsh sting against his cheek, he’s welcomed with soft lips pressing against his. Ollie’s lips lingered on his as Yujin’s eyelids fluttered open, his eyelashes batting against his skin. Ollie’s lips move against his as he stands there numbly, his arms fidgeting nervously by his side, out of place. He doesn't know where to put them.

Ollie’s hands wrap around his waist and Yujin’s arm moves on its own to wrap itself around Ollie’s neck. Ollie’s thumb moves to brush against his cheek and Yujin starts moving his lips alongside with Ollie’s. It’s messy at first, Yujin still paralysed with shock, but soon, Yujin gets the rhythm and kisses Ollie back with just as much emotion.

It’s sweet and it’s gentle. It’s not too long, it’s not too short, the duration is completely perfect and it’s everything Yujin has ever wanted in his life. The kiss tastes like white chocolate and Yujin doesn’t despise the taste after all (maybe because it’s mingled in alongside Ollie’s). Ollie pulls away from Yujin’s lips and looks at Yujin like he’s his world and Yujin feels almost shy underneath Ollie’s gaze.

Ollie smiles at him and the next thing he says makes Yujin wanna cry. “See? Now, it tastes better.” and he plasters a stupid big grin over his face.

Yujin does end up crying. He ends up breaking out in tears when Ollie pulls away and Ollie’s eyes widen in surprise as pristine tears stream down Yujin’s pale cheeks, watching it all fall down like a beautiful waterfall. This time, it’s Ollie’s turn to panic as his hands rush up to Yujin’s face trying to wipe away the tears while frantically speaking, “Why are you fucking crying? Was the kiss that bad, does my breath smell? I mean, I switched out my toothpaste so it might seem a bit different but– was the kiss terrible or something, did I accidentally bite you or something, god, why are you fucking crying, oh my god–”

The way Ollie was speaking so fastly made Yujin spill out a wet laugh as he sniffled, “I… I just… you’re this amazing sweet guy, Ollie, and I’m just Han Yujin, a stupid soccer kid who doesn’t know how to love– and you still accept me, and I’m so afraid I’m not good enough for you,” Yujin pauses as he sobs into the body of Ollie, Ollie just staring at him in awe.

Ollie does feel bad. But he also feels so much adoration in his heart when he hears Yujin speak, how he’s been thinking that he isn’t worth Ollie because God, it’s more like the other way. Ollie believes he doesn’t deserve Yujin. Yujin is this bright, and amazing star in Ollie’s mind, an absolute sweetheart that just happened to fall in love with Ollie.

Ollie’s hands fall down from Yujin’s face to embrace Yujin even tighter than he was before. “You’re so fucking stupid.” Ollie murmurs into Yujin’s jet-black hair, his tone laced with fondness, “You are good enough for me, Yujin. I chose you. I fell in love with you. If you weren’t good enough for me, I would’ve told you by now.” It’s no doubt that Ollie isn’t the best at comforting, but he would do anything to make Yujin feel better about himself. “You’re a talented dancer and singer, you’re gentle and kind, you’re just so loveable.” Ollie continues on, “I could say so much more about you, Yujin, but words aren’t enough to explain how much I fucking love you.”

Call it sappy, call it cheesy, but at least it makes Yujin feel better because Yujin smiles against Ollie’s tear-soaked shirt and sings a melody to Ollie’s ears (that’s an over-exaggeration, Yujin just giggles and Ollie is whipped).

One last sniffle is heard from Yujin before a loud beep rings out in the 7/11 and startles the both of them. Ollie scratches the back of his head sheepishly before glancing at Yujin, “I have to get our noodles. Don’t cry while I’m gone?” Ollie teases and walks towards the microwaves.

Yujin pouts but sucks it up and grumbles to himself as he settles down on the chair at the table, hands fitted inside his lap. He just sits on his ass and waits for Ollie to come back with their noodles and utensils which shouldn’t take too long but Yujin somehow misses Ollie already and it feels like time is getting slower and slower by the minute.

He almost feels the need to stand up and go up to Ollie, hug him by the back but Ollie is at the table before Yujin gets the opportunity to stand up and places the hot noodle cups on the table, steam flying upwards from the noodles as Ollie takes off the cover for both of them. “Food is ready,” Ollie grins before picking up his chopsticks and diving into his meal, letting out a moan of satisfaction, “God, I was fucking starving, Yujin.”

Yujin glares at Ollie, “Don’t eat so fast. You’re gonna choke or something.” But Yujin’s not any better when he grabs his chopsticks and goes at the same pace of Ollie, maybe even a little faster.

“Aw, is Yujin concerned for me? What would I do without my caring and domestic boyfriend?” Ollie sighs dramatically as he slurps up another bite of his noodles and Yujin throws a chocolate wrapper at Ollie, who amazingly dodges it due to his fast reflexes (curse those reflexes, Yujin thinks because it’s also hard to scare Ollie when he moves at fast as a cheetah).

“No. I’d just prefer it if my boyfriend didn’t start choking and died on the ground right in front of me. What would I do if I had a dead boyfriend? That’d be so traumatic for me…” Yujin sighs, leaning his head on his hand to rest it as he stares at his noodles. It’s spicy, but maybe Yujin shouldn’t have told Ollie to get the spicy hot one.

Ollie’s feigned pout twists into a smile as he switches the topic, “Eliminations are tomorrow, Yujinnie. How do you feel?”

Yujin’s stomach turns.

Yujin feels sick.

Yujin is trying to fight against his mind.

Yujin is trying to not think about it.

Yujin ends up failing.

Tomorrow is eliminations.Tomorrow is the day that might be Yujin’s last day of seeing his boyfriend before he’s sent back to Yuehua. The last time he and his boyfriend had some quality time together before getting sent to Yuehua. Yujin felt like crawling into a coffin just thinking about it. The dreadful feeling is back and Yujin tries to reject it, he really does but it’s stronger than him and it overpowers him until all he sees is black.

He’s spiralling into his worries again.

If Ollie gets eliminated, what could happen to them? They love each-other and surely they can do long distance, right? It won’t impact them at all? But all those thoughts are washed out by the shore when Yujin realises that he might be too busy with training, with practises, with being a Boys Planet contestant. Yujin fears that he’ll neglect their relationship and ruin it for Ollie.

He doesn’t wanna lose Ollie. It’s too soon, Yujin is too far in this relationship to give it up now. He wants to stay with Ollie. Yujin is confident now that Ollie wants to stay with him as well. He wants to pray that Ollie stays in the show, he’s manifested every night that a lot of people are voting for Ollie and that he doesn’t get eliminated anytime soon, but luck has not always been Yujin’s best friend, and maybe that curse has spread onto Ollie as well.

Is there a possibility that Yujin can still time? That he can just… ask the world to keep it the same day, the same time, the same year as it is now so he doesn’t have to deal with tomorrow? Stay in this present forever and never touch the future even once. Yujin begs the world to stop the time but it’s most likely his prayers weren’t given any attention.

More thoughts summon itself into his head, corrupting his mind to the worst of overthinking, and Yujin doesn’t even realise he’s crying until Ollie’s voice laughs and teases him, “Is it too spicy for you, Yujin? Do you not have a good spice tolerance?”

Yujin wants to laugh, he really does. But he’s too worried, too deep into this rabbit hole that he fears and he wants to leave so bad. He can’t cry again, he’ll be such a nuisance to Ollie if he ends up bawling again. But he can’t help it. He can’t help as choked sobs come out of his mouth and Ollie’s pupils dilate when he realises that it’s serious.

“Oh shit– you’re crying, for real this time. Yujin, what’s wrong, is it about the chocolate? I told you, it’s no big deal…” Ollie rushes out of his chair, almost tripping in the process as he scurries to Yujin’s side, kneeling down by him and scrambling on the table to find some kind of paper, some kind of napkin, and thankfully, there’s a singular napkin laying on the table, ready to tend to someone’s wet tears.

Ollie folds the napkin up into a little birdie size as he dabs it onto Yujin’s tears with one hand, his other hand trying to find Yujin’s, and when he finds it, he connects their hands together and squeezes it reassuringly, trying to look in Yujin’s eyes for any sign of happiness. But Yujin feels too depressed and worried to even feel the slightest bit of joy.

“Yujin. Can you understand me? What’s going on?” Ollie asks again, his voice a tad bit gentler. “Please tell me, god, I just… I just wanna know what’s got you fucking crying like this, it pains me to see you cry seriously, it makes me feel like I wronged that bitch of a god or something–”

Yujin continues crying as he tries to babble out nonsense, “I… I just…” Yujin is trying to speak but the words don’t come out and when it does, Ollie struggles in understanding Yujin. His hand holding the napkin lets go as he stands up and brings it over to Yujin’s back, rubbing it soothingly.

“Deep breaths, you can do it, Yujin. Take a few deep breaths and tell me what’s wrong.” And just like always, Yujin obeys and sucks in deep breaths in and out before his breathing is at least semi-stable again and he’s able to speak a little bit, albeit a bit muffled due to the congestion in his nose.

“Tomorrow is the elimination. And I’m worried sick, Ollie.” He starts off, tripping on his own words as he looks into Ollie’s eyes drowned in concern, “What if one of us gets eliminated? What if… what if that breaks us up?” Yujin’s voice is quiet as he murmurs the last part and Ollie feels hurt that Yujin would even think that they’re gonna break up with each-other just because of some stupid idol survival show.

Never in the few months that Ollie has been dating Yujin has he ever thought of breaking up with the boy because of this show. Ollie would rather kill himself than to even mention the phrase breaking up because of how deeply his admiration for the younger boy runs. He’s too down bad for Yujin to ever leave him. In fact, if they did break up, Ollie would suspect the younger boy would break up with him first. But Yujin is too much of an angel to do that, and Ollie has always thought that they’d just be together for the rest of eternity.

So the fact that Yujin could even think this wounds Ollie’s heart. It makes him feel bad for the boy, who is always overthinking their relationship and his worth, and it makes Ollie feel bad for himself because he can barely tell when Yujin is out of his mind like he is now.

“Yujin.” Ollie speaks out, his voice a bit stern to catch Yujin’s attention, and Ollie doesn’t miss the way that Yujin gulps, almost as if Ollie is gonna hurt Yujin in any way. “Some dumbass idol show isn’t gonna tear me away from you,” Ollie starts off and pauses, trying to find ways to tell Yujin that he loves him, thinking of what to say that could just rid all of these terrible thoughts from Yujin’s head and reassure him. “Even if either of us get eliminated, let’s be fucking honest, most likely me, I would not let long distance get in between us.” Ollie switches between Korean and English to say this despite Yujin not knowing English, but Yujin nods like he understands what Ollie is saying.

“I would wait for you to finish the show, even. I will always wait for you.” And for the first time since Yujin’s started crying, his eyes sparkle and Ollie finds himself mesmerised in Yujin’s eyes, the deep chocolate brown that Ollie fell in love with.

Yujin even cracks a smile and Ollie reciprocates it. Yujin sniffles, dragging out his sleeve from his other hand that isn’t occupied with Ollie’s hands, and rubs his tear-stained face with it. Yujin whines, “I’ve cried twice in like, twenty minutes. This is so embarrassing, Ollie.”

Ollie giggles and pats his head sweetly, “You’re just sensitive and you’re always overthinking. You need to stop that, it must be a pain in the ass to always think you’re not good enough.”

Yujin grumbles, “Yesterday, I thought you hated me because you didn’t wanna get me a Gatorade from the vending machine.”

Ollie gapes in surprise before he pecks a quick kiss to Yujin’s lips and retorts, “Are you gonna start making me your personal servant or else you’d think I hate you?”

Yujin’s hand squeezes Ollie’s hand as he laughs and he feels all warm and fuzzy inside. He feels happy, he feels comfortable, and he feels like he could just take on the world at this point because Ollie isn’t gonna leave him.

Maybe tomorrow won’t be so bad after-all.

The next day when they’re at eliminations, neither of them end up getting eliminated and Yujin thinks that he’s so happy he could drop out of the show right there. When they all disbanded despite the sadness Yujin had when some of his friends got eliminated, he jumped right into Ollie’s arms and kissed him like his life depended on it.

(“Seems like someone’s a little bit happy.” “I was gonna drop out of the show if you got eliminated.”)