Work Text:
The offer comes up out of nowhere during the shift.
An offer that sounds so, so, tempting that Buck just can not refuse.
"Buck."
It's the afternoon of a lazy work day, and Buck is sitting around the table with Eddie, going through some paperworks that Bobby has assigned them while Hen and Chim are restocking the trucks.
The call out for his name gets his attention, and Buck twists his head up towards the source of the voice. "Yeah, Cap?"
"Can you come with me for a sec?" Bobby asks, nodding at his office downstairs.
Buck slightly frowns at Bobby's request— trying his best not to make it obvious; he hasn't been pulling his usual stunts lately, if anything he has been more careful since he got together with Eddie, and things are going good overall, so he can't think of a reason for his captain to want to meet him in his office.
"Uh, yeah, sure." Buck hesitates, sharing a quick questioning glance with Eddie before looking back at Bobby. "Is everything alright?"
Bobby's expression softens just enough to pull him out of his captain persona and somehow let Buck know nothing is wrong, he shakes his head while smiling and even rolling his eyes fondly. "Everything's fine, come on, I'll be in my office."
After Bobby goes down the stairs, Buck's eyes meet Eddie's again and his brows furrow, pulling a confused face.
"Don't you think that was weird?" Buck almost whispers, leaning forward towards Eddie over the table, who is sitting across from him.
His boyfriend nods his head. "Yeah, that was definitely weird."
"What do you think he wants?" Buck asks, as if Eddie will know. He is not freaking out, not really, he is just curious and wants to know what's going on before his brain starts to list every stupid thing he has done in the past that may finally hit him in the face.
But Eddie just shrugs and answers calmly. "I don't know but I don't think it's something serious."
He won't be able to get his answers if he keeps sitting in his place, so Buck puts his paperwork aside and gets on his feet. "I'll be right back."
Bobby's door is closed when Buck makes it to his room, but there are muffled voices coming from inside, voices that belong to multiple people from what Buck can hear although can't really recognize the owners other than Bobby.
He knocks three times, and twists the door knob, slowly pushing the door open.
"Buck, come on in." Bobby says and waves him inside.
His captain is behind his desk and just as he was expecting, there are other people in the room sitting in the seats before Bobby's desk. — 2 more to be exact. One of them is Chief Alonzo who he knows already, but Buck has never seen the other man in his life. He looks like someone who is important with his sharp black suit and expensive watch and all, but there is something to him that pokes Buck's senses in a weird way, making him feel like he's on tenterhooks.
Hell, the whole atmosphere of the room is intimidating.
Bobby's voice interrupts his thoughts. "You already know Chief Alonzo—"
Buck nods.
"— and this gentleman is Agent Brooks." Bobby points at the man— Brooks, with his hand. "He is with the FBI."
What the fuck.
"Nice to meet you." Brooks' smile is crooked as he offers a handshake.
Buck's hand meets his. "Nice to meet you, too. I'm Buck."
The handshake is firm, too firm for Buck's liking, but finally Brook lets go and leans back against his seat, fixing his jacket.
"Take a seat, Buck."
Buck eyes the empty chair near Chief Alonzo across from Brooks and sits down.
Chief Alonzo clears his throat and turns himself to the side so he can face Buck. "You probably want to know why you're here."
Well, he definitely does.
"Agent Brooks contacted our department a few days ago to schedule a meeting on a matter that’s important for the FBI.” Bobby starts to explain in his captain voice, but Buck can still hear the safe undertone oozing from it. “And told us how it would make a difference if we, as LAFD, would agree to help them out.”
Buck lets out a sigh, nodding along Bobby’s words. “Okay.” The way he says it is almost like a question more than an acknowledgement.
He still doesn’t understand what this is leading up to and how all of this concerns him in any way, Brooks must have caught up on that because he cuts it short and jumps straight into the real deal— the real offer.
“I’m guessing you know how our job isn’t always with the good guys. To reassure the government and the citizens’ safety, we have to deal with all kinds of people for a living.” Brooks’s dark brown eyes stay on him without breaking the contact for even a second. “And to do that, we have to stay alert and improve ourselves as best as we can.” He takes in a deep breath and straightens himself up in his seat, a more serious expression crossing his face. “Now, we are conducting this experi— study , a survey about our interrogation techniques and the effectiveness of it.”
Okay.
This is getting interesting.
Buck stays silent as Brooks keeps talking, all of his attention now fixed on the man’s words, he can feel the tiniest of curiosities sparking in his stomach and spreading through his whole body.
“We want to gather a few volunteers from each department of first responders and let them ‘rate’ our methods so to speak, to help us improve.”
Buck’s brows arch. “And you want me to participate?”
“I know it sounds unnerving, but it’s just a survey.” Brooks says. “No one will physically take part in anything. They will only answer some questions and maybe watch some footage to analyze, exchange ideas.”
The way Brooks talks about it so casually like it’s just some regular daily activity rubs Buck in a weird way. He can feel his mouth getting dry and a weird sensation that he can’t name filling his chest, but god does it excite him.
Oh, it excites him so much.
“When Agent Brooks told me about this idea, you were the first person to pop up in my head along with some other firefighters from other departments.” Chief Alonzo joins. “We also had a brief meeting with the LAPD and the Chief said they will agree to participate as well.”
“If you end up saying yes, all you’ll have to do is to sign this NDA and that’s it.” Brooks taps on the file that’s on the coffee table.
“Buck, listen.” Buck’s eyes move to meet Bobby’s. “You don’t have to say yes.”
The look on Bobby’s face is hesitant despite his calm and steady voice, like he isn’t fully on board with the idea, and Buck’s nearly reconsiders his decision but fuck, that’s a one time experience Brooks is offering, a firsthand experience that will feed his curiosity for the things he’s only heard from here and there. He knows for sure that he will regret his decision if he says no.
So, as much as Buck’s heart warms up at his captain’s familial concern, Buck nods his head and a smile twists his lips. “I’ll do it.”
“Great.” Brooks grins wide, proud and victorious. "Trust me, it will only take a day. We will send you the address tonight and you'll meet us there tomorrow morning."
"Uh— tomorrow?" Buck frowns. That's a little fast. "I have a shift—"
"You're excused for the whole day." Chief Alonzo says.
"Like I said, it will only take a day. You'll go home by the end of it."
Buck lets out a breath that he was holding without even realizing, and nods. "Okay, sounds good."
After he signs the papers and Brooks and Chief Alonzo leave, Bobby closes the door and makes him sit across from him.
Looks like it's time for their one on one talk.
"Are you sure about this?" Bobby asks.
Buck tilts his head, his face falling in a confused look. "Yeah, why?"
Bobby runs a hand down his face and shakes his head. "I don't know, you don't have to do it if you don't want to is all I'm saying."
"Bobby, I know that." Buck lets out a breathy chuckle to ease Bobby's obvious worry. "I want to do it. It— it sounds fun. You don't have to be worried."
Bobby stares at him for a few seconds until he purses his lips and gives Buck a nod. "Okay. But let me know if you want to change your mind, alright?"
"Yeah, alright." Buck answers.
He doesn't think he'll change his mind.
He knows it will be interesting.
Now all he has to do is to explain this to Eddie after their shift and hope Eddie won't be a buzzkill.
"I don't want you to do it."
It's late in the evening and Chris is in his room while Buck and Eddie are tidying up the kitchen, and Eddie is being a buzzkill.
Buck's mouth falls open as his brows lift up, and he makes a sound of protest. "Okay but why?"
"I don't know." Eddie shakes his head, scouring the plate with a sponge before handing it to Buck so he can rinse it. "It sounds sketchy."
"Eddie, come on, seriously?" Buck almost whines and his face screws in discontent. "It will only last for a day."
Eddie turns off the tap and drops the sponge on the counter before drying his hands off with a towel, and turns to Buck's side to look him in the eye. That subtle, concerned look on his face causes Buck's heart to flip upside down.
Now that the water is off, the room is drenched in silence as Buck and Eddie stare at each other.
Eddie bites down his bottom lip and sighs, keeping his voice low. "What if something happens? What if it's something more than what they say? Don't tell me you trust these guys."
Buck swallows down the heaviness in his throat, and his voice comes out small when he speaks, somehow feeling small himself. "I already said yes."
He isn't feeling bad. He's not.
Eddie drops his head as he pinches the bridge of his nose and nods as he exhales a long, defeated breath. He lifts his head up to look at Buck and takes the blond's hand in his. "Just be careful, okay? Please."
Buck feels his insides filling with warmth and tingles run through his form as Eddie's thumb caresses his cold skin back and forth, he brings his other hand to rest on the nape of Eddie's neck and pulls him close, their lips brushing softly.
"I will." Buck says in a whisper before he leans in for a second kiss, the tip of his fingers burying themselves in Eddie's hair as Buck takes his sweet time tasting Eddie's lips. "I'll be back home before you even know it. I promise."
He doesn't get why Eddie is feeling weird about it.
There is no reason for anything to go wrong.
It’s the crack of dawn when Buck’s eyes slit open way before his and Eddie’s alarm, his mind deciding on its own that he had enough sleep and it’s time to wake up now. It’s mostly from the stress but also from excitement, Buck knows how he functions by now— most of the time at least, but still he doesn’t attempt to get out of the bed or even move a muscle. He’s too comfortable by the grounding weight of Eddie’s octopus grip around him and that alone is enough to keep his mind from trying to guess what’s gonna happen today, even if it’s only a little.
So until Eddie’s alarm goes off and his boyfriend slowly stirs awake, Buck tries to find comfort in the silence of the still dead world and stares at the ceiling.
“Ready to go?” Eddie asks him before they leave home.
They already had their breakfast, and Eddie will be taking Chris to school before he drives to the station while Buck wil drive to the location Brooks sent him an hour ago.
Buck puts on his coat and grabs his keys, flashing a lively grin at his boyfriend, teasing. “Yep. I feel like an agent already.”
Eddie lets out a snort and rolls his eyes fondly at his words. “Yeah, yeah. Super Spy Agent Buckley.”
“Come on, dad. We’re gonna be late.” Chris exclaims as he walks near them with his school bag, looking all set and ready to go. “Are you ready, Buck?”
“Yep.” Buck ruffles Chris’ curls as he smiles. “Come on, let’s go.”
Only after Buck gives Chris a big hug and plants a soft kiss on Eddie’s lips and watches them leave as he waves them goodbye he gets in his own car and drives to the location Brooks sent him.
The drive takes thirty minutes or less but eventually Buck makes it to the place that looks to be an alley of some sort with only a few buildings around. Stopping the engine, Buck hops off his car and takes a look around as he tries to spot a familial face or even a sign that would help him find a door.
It's a weird place, the streets are empty and there are alleys between almost every building; even though Buck doesn't want to admit it, something doesn't feel right, he can feel it in his bones.
He takes out his phone and taps on Brooks' name to give him a call and after a few rings, he picks up.
"Hey, Buckley, did you make it?"
Buck's eyes wander around the empty street, licking his lips. "Uh, I— I think so? But I don't see anything."
He can hear Brooks letting out a breathy chuckle over the line. "Don't worry, you're at the right place. I can see you. Do you see that alley next to you?"
Buck twists his head to the side to see a narrow alley. "Yeah."
"I'll meet you there, okay?"
Maybe he should just call this whole thing off and go home.
Buck clenches his jaw. "Okay."
After Brooks hangs up, Buck straightens himself up and takes slow steps towards the alley.
He gets closer and closer, but there is no one around to be seen. Not even a soul.
"Hello?" Buck calls out to the void, his hesitant voice echoing in the gray alley.
But no one answers.
There is a violent shiver running down his spine, making his blood run cold.
"Hello?" Buck tries again, louder this time. "Is anyone there?"
Nothing happens, and the dread sitting heavy on his chest grows bigger, spreading everywhere and suffocating him.
Something isn't right.
He shouldn't be here.
He should go home.
Buck can feel his face heating up and the beat of his heart getting faster, stronger. There is a voice inside his mind screaming at him to leave this place and go home , so Buck takes a deep breath to regulate himself and turns around.
But before he can take another step, he feels a jarring pain on the back of his skull and everything goes black.
His head fucking hurts.
It’s the first thing that Buck feels before he slowly comes to himself and his eyes slit open inch by inch. His mind feels foggy like gray clouds raining over every curve of his brain and making it unable to focus, and the pressure behind his skull is still there, a slight but constant throb that never lets him relax.
He feels something hard underneath him, a cold sensation sinking through his bones, which is weird considering he was standing up the last time he remembers and as he blinks a few times, bright fluorescent spots on the white ceiling appear in his line of vision, causing him to squint his eyes and let out a quiet groan.
Okay, he isn’t outside anymore.
Panic rises up his throat and Buck feels his mouth going dry as he realizes something is wrong, he quickly straightens himself up in a sitting position and takes a look around the room he’s in. But the sight only confuses— pushes him towards the edge even more.
And it’s not because there is nothing in the room.
No.
It’s because the room is completely white .
The ceiling is white, the walls are white, hell even the floor and the door are white.
There isn’t a single color painting the square shaped space, and Buck has never seen anything like it.
It’s fucking weird.
And when drops his head and casts his eyes over himself he realizes he’s wearing white, too.
From head to toe.
They must have changed his clothes when he was knocked out, put him in some white t-shirt and sweatpants because these were sure as hell not what he was wearing. Buck doesn’t remember how or when that happened, everything is in bits and pieces and his head still hurts; and before he can stop it, the fear and panic he was trying to suppress suddenly force their way in and surround every part of his being.
They lied to him.
They took him.
They took him and he doesn’t know where he is and fuck, fuck, he’s been kidnapped .
A constant, thin screeching sound kicks his eardrums as he rushes to his feet and he closes his eyes shut for a second when his vision whitens; Buck clenches his jaw and forces himself to take a quick breath before opening his eyes again and pacing towards the door.
He wraps his hand around the knob and tries to twist it, but it doesn’t move. Must be locked.
He brings his fist to bang on the door but— “Is anyone there?! Let me out!”
His fist hits the steel, white door, but no sound comes out.
Nothing.
Buck’s face screws in disbelief, his brows knitting as he stares at his hand, voice in a shaky whisper. “What the fuck?”
He tries again, this time harder.
“Hello?! Can anyone hear me?!” Buck shouts and his fist lands on the surface again and again until his bones start to hurt but nothing changes, he doesn’t hear anything.
It’s like he is hitting the air.
It’s just… silent.
The thump of his heart gets faster and stronger, threatening to burst out and explode any second; faint shakes run through his aghast form and he can feel his eyes burning with fresh tears out of nowhere, his face heats up and his legs feel like noodles and his head hurts and he doesn’t remember anything and—
He’s so scared, Buck is so, so scared and he just wants to go home, he wants to get out and go home and forget whatever the fuck this is but he can’t because they took him and put him in this white room and— god he doesn’t even have a shadow, everything is white and there is no sound coming out; it’s like a room full of nothing and it makes him nauseous, his stomach clenches and bile burns his tongue, leaving a bitter taste behind.
“Let me out!” Buck shouts one last time as he bangs on the door without even thinking, but his voice comes out hoarse, the rise and fall of his chest getting shallow and his breath ragged. “Please.” It’s a whisper this time, a shaky, desperate whisper despite knowing no one will answer him.
His last try snatches all the strength in him, leaving him with a sudden exhaustion dawning on him and swallowing his mind and soul; it feels too much to stir a finger let alone shout one more time, Buck slowly slides down on the ground and collapses on the ground, giving his back to the wall.
Drawing his knees to his chest, Buck folds his arms around his legs and rests his chin on his kneecap, and stares at the dull space before his eyes, his tears keeping him from seeing clearly, not that there is anything to see.
Until Buck’s tears dry down and his eyes feel heavy, he keeps staring at nothing.
Slowly, his eyelids droop and he slips into the darkness.
He doesn't know how long he was asleep when he opens his eyes, they took his watch, too; Buck lifts his head to look around and winces when the joints in his neck crack, filling the quiet cell. His limbs feel sore from being in the same position for too long, muscles burning and aching to be stretched, but for some reason Buck can't bring himself to move let alone get up.
His heart kicks against his ribcage, still fast and strong, blood courses through his veins like it's running a marathon; Buck can hear every skipping beat and every wooshy sound traveling to his ears so clearly even though he tries not to. Desperately needing something to process, his mind holds onto the feelings worse than ever now, the room gives Buck no choice but to feel his own self.
It's like torture. He's always hated the feeling.
Before it can get too much, Buck lowers his hand down on the ground to trails his fingers over the surface, to feel something other than himself but his heart beats faster and his red-rimmed eyes start to blur again.
The surface is so smooth that there is nothing to feel.
It doesn't make any difference.
The lump in his throat gets heavier and it hurts to swallow, like a barbed wire wrapped around his throat suffocating him; Buck's breath hitches in his throat and he digs his teeth to his lower lip hard enough to draw blood— he's not gonna cry, he's not gonna cry, he's not gonna—
Eddie .
He thinks of Eddie.
He wants Eddie, he wants Eddie to find him and pull him out of this nothingness, he wants Eddie to wrap his arm around him and keep him safe.
God, Buck misses him.
He should've listened to him. Things wouldn't have come to this point.
He's so fucking dumb .
Buck doesn't know how much time passes as he thinks of Eddie and Chris and his friends and home, he doesn't know if it's still morning or afternoon or evening or worse, the next day; the lights never go out and all he sees is those white, soulless walls staring back at him.
At some point, he finds the strength in him to get up and do something so he does, he gets on his feet with a groan tearing his throat and makes his way to the door again.
"Is anybody there?!" Buck shouts again, each time more desperate. "Let me out!" He goes for the walls this time, banging— almost punching but he hears nothing.
The reality he was trying his damndest to avoid finally creeps up on his soul and gnaws his brain, forcing a home inside until Buck accepts it.
And when he does, his heart clenches and his hands start to shake, his blood running cold once again and freezing him.
He's left alone in this room made of nothing, and no one knows where he is, not even himself.
It's getting late, and Buck still hasn't made home.
Eddie is sitting on the couch with his phone glued to his hand, staring at the unanswered texts he has started to send hours ago and with each minute passing by, he's getting more nervous.
Because Buck should have been home by now, he should have come back and tell Eddie how his day went but it's dark outside and him not being home is one thing, but Buck isn't answering his phone, either.
And, okay, Eddie wants to think that maybe he's getting worried over nothing, maybe Buck's meeting got delayed or dragged on or something, but a quiet voice buried deep inside his chest tells him something is wrong like a broken record until it's impossible to ignore.
"Where are you?" Eddie mumbles to himself as he lets out a deep sigh and leans forward, resting his elbow on his thigh and pinching the bridge of his nose, his eyes closing.
The worry and panic swirling in his stomach grow and spread all over until he gets distracted by Chris' voice getting closer, slightly flinching at the sound.
"Dad." Chris says, standing next to the couch, his face in a frown. "Where is Buck?"
Eddie swallows down the tightness in his throat and smiles, forced and barely visible. He can't reflect his worry on Chris when his son, too, looks concerned.
"He had a meeting today, bud." Eddie answers, checking his watch to look at the time. He already knows what time it is and how much time has passed since the last time he talked to Buck, but Chris doesn't know that. So he fakes it. "He'll be home soon."
Chris nods. "Okay." He walks towards Eddie and wraps his arms around his neck, going for a hug. "I'm going to bed, give him a hug for me when he gets back."
Eddie's heart stings at the words for some reason but he suppresses the feeling with a soft chuckle escaping his lips. He pulls Chris close and plants a kiss on his shoulder. "I will. Good night, bud."
"Night, dad."
Eddie watches his son make his way to his room and when he hears a soft click of the door closing, he takes his phone in his hand again and sends another text to his boyfriend, fingers slightly shaking.
Where are you?
An hour passes, and he doesn't get an answer.
Eddie calls the first person who crosses his mind.
"Bobby, hi." He says over the phone, his mouth feels dry like sand, his voice comes out shaky. The words leave a bitter taste in his mouth, crushing his heart. Everything becomes real once he says those words. "I think something is wrong."
It's all the same when he wakes up again— he doesn't even remember falling asleep, but everything is the exact same as he left.
Still, silent and nonexistent.
The heaviness weighing his brain down is bigger now, his brain feels mushy and moldy and rotten, like spider webs wrapped around an old building and it hurts to think more than two seconds, his mind refuses to cooperate and Buck feels in pain whenever he pushes harder.
His mind fails him. Like it always does.
The grumbling of his stomach echoing in the room makes him realize he's getting hungry; it's been a while since the last he ate, he had breakfast with Eddie and Chris before they left home and everything went to shit. It's like a distant memory now or like a nice dream, only in unclear pieces that makes Buck ache for more; he wonders if it was the last time and he didn't even know.
There is a bowl on the floor near the door catching his attention when he takes a deep breath and looks around, a white bowl with what it looks to be rice in it— he has no idea when did it get here,someone must have brought it while he was asleep, but the door didn't even click, Buck didn't hear anything or see anyone and it's fucking frustrating, one fucking different thing happens at last and he is unaware. Or they keep him unaware.
He reaches his hand and the bowl closer to himself, studying the food. It looks decent at least, a bowl of cooked rice without anything else in it, a bitter scoff tears Buck's throat before he can't stop it when he realizes even the food is white and it's not even funny, it's pathetic but god , they are fucking with him so good it's insane . He's never seen anything like it.
"Bastards." Buck mumbles to himself, clenching his jaw.
A big part of him wants to smash the bowl on the ground and make a mess, destroy, his insides burn with rage and anger , but it won't change anything, he knows better than that.
And, he's starving.
There is no spoon, so Buck picks up some with his fingers and puts it in his mouth, but his brows knit in confusion and his lips twist down as he starts chewing.
He can't taste anything— no, the rice tastes like nothing. Not even like paper. It's just bland. No seasoning, no salt, nothing. It's plain rice.
His stomach clenches for a second, bile rises up to his throat and Buck presses his fist to his closed lips to stop himself from gagging. He wants to throw up so badly but not only will he make a mess, but also he knows there isn't any towel or napkin to clean it up. He forces himself to chew despite his stomach's protests, he doesn't have any other option because this thing is all he got and he's starving, so he swallows the portion in his mouth and picks up another one, his hand shaking and his stomach twisting.
By the time Buck is done eating, his stomach feels full but nauseous at the same time, shivers run through his whole form and his chest is tight again, a crushing weight choking him. His line of vision blurs and his face burns up, his eyes sting; he's cried too much already but no one's taken pity on him and everything had stayed the same, so Buck lifts his head up and stares at the ceiling to keep the tears from streaming.
They do, anyway.
A few tears roll down his temple and dampen his ears as they go.
Buck closes his eyes shut and presses the heels of his hands to his eyes as he drops his head and sniffles. God, he can't keep going like this.
He wants to go home.
But home doesn't exist for him.
Not anymore.
He feels like he's floating.
Buck doesn't know how much time has passed since he was put in here. Hours? Days? Months? He doesn't know, and the unknown only strokes up the fear nibbling his insides because the answer can be anything. He doesn't know.
One thing he knows is that no matter how long has passed, it feels like forever.
He is just numb , there is nothing around to touch, to hear, to feel , and the only thing that tells Buck he exists is the irregular beat of his own heart kicking against his ribcage and endless racing of his mind.
Other than that, nothing feels real, and Buck can feel himself slipping away.
He's been left alone with his mind for too long to form any rational thoughts and it only exhausts him more, it's a similar feeling to being drunk where his limbs tingle and his brain glitches, but only this time it's causing him pain and Buck wants it to stop.
He wants to think of Eddie and Chris and his friends so their memories can pull him out of this mess but he can't remember their faces— fuck, he can't fully remember Eddie's face, he can't picture the way his hazels shine when he laughs, he can't remember the sound he makes when he lets out a chuckle; he can't visualize his friends— his family in his mind, they are no longer even a memory and he's all alone, slowly losing his sanity and it feels like dying but he's not dying, he's shattering into pieces and it's worse, it's so much worse and Buck is so fucking scared and wants it to stop— god, he either wants to go home or die and end his suffering but he can't do any of those, he's trapped and he can't feel anything, it's like nothing is there, nothing exists.
A loud, ugly sob rips his throat and Buck buries his face in his hands as his shoulders shake with each cry. He can't do it, he can't, he can't, he can't. Everything is too much, he feels nothing and everything at the same time and he can't handle it, he wants it to end— he'll do anything, he just wants his life back, that's all he wants.
But no one hears him.
He cries and cries and cries until he can't breathe, his face flushes with heat and his eyes get bloodshot, his body feels heavy and his brain feels like it will combust but in the end, nothing changes.
There is no way out.
"Are you sure this is the right place?" Eddie asks, his eyes studying the building through the police car's window from the alley.
It's been three days since Buck got taken and they finally, finally have a lead.
Three days since he got a decent shut eye or a proper meal because he is too wired up to do anything other than try to find Buck.
Three days of unknown, anger, worry, and aching , and finally they have something.
Athena nods her head. "I'm sure. This is the place."
It's close to midnight now and the roads are almost dead silent, yellow street lamps illuminating the eery streets, and the cops are getting ready to go in.
He's nervous.
"When do we go in?"
Athena arches her brow, face somehow both soft and daring. " We will go in now, you will stay here until I give you the okay."
Eddie's face screws as he starts to protest: "Athena—"
" Eddie. " Athena cuts him off but her face softens when she puts her hand on top of his, giving a comforting squeeze. "We can't risk anything. You know that."
He does know that. He knows he doesn't trust himself to stay calm when he sees any of those bastards in his sight let alone when— if he finally sees Buck in the middle of all this chaos, but there is this need crawling inside him, a need to do something to get to his boyfriend. Because he was useless for three fucking days and now he can do something to change that.
But it's too risky. He knows that.
He also knows if he pushes any further, all of his begs will go down the pan and Athena will find someone to escort him home.
So he bites his tongue and lets out a deep breath, having no choice but to yield. "Okay, you're right. Okay."
Not long after, Athena's radio buzzes. "We're ready."
They are going in.
He's so fucking scared.
Before she leaves, Athena takes out a radio from the glove box, offering it to Eddie. " Only when I tell you to come."
"Got it." Eddie nods and takes the radio in his hand. His heart beats so fast it makes him dizzy. He wants this to be over.
After one last look, Athena gets off the car.
And Eddie waits.
He hears a static sound from his radio. "Eddie."
They found him.
They found Buck.
That's all he needs to hear. "I'm coming."
One moment he's in the car, and the next thing Eddie knows he's running towards the building without thinking. He doesn't care if his lungs struggle to get any air or if the thump of his heart gets erratic, his feet don't stop until he makes it inside.
He hears cops shouting and doors getting slammed open and people trying to run away and there are plenty of doors— everything is in chaos and Eddie can see the tension in the hallway and it deranges him even more but he doesn't stop, not until he sees Athena.
"Where is he?" His voice is shaky, out of breath.
Athena slips something steel in his hand. A key.
"Last door on the left." She answers, firm and sharp. "Go, we got it handled."
Eddie doesn't need to be told twice.
He keeps running.
Buck is waiting for him.
It doesn’t take long for him to find the door and when he does, Eddie’s shaking fingers slides the key into the lock and he pushes himself into the room, leaving the door open.
What he sees sends shivers down his spine and his erratic heart pulsates in his throat. He takes a step back.
It’s just… The room is so… still. There’s nothing inside. It's the complete opposite of the chaos currently happening outside. It's like another dimension.
It’s scary.
But then, Eddie sees him.
In the midst of all this nothingness, Eddie finds Buck curled up in the corner with his knees drawn to his chest and arms folded on his kneecaps, his head dropped and face hidden. He’s wearing something different than the last time Eddie saw him— completely white from head to toe and like this, almost blended with the room, he looks like he’s faded into stillness like a lifeless object, and it makes the havoc of a rage inside Eddie’s chest grow bigger and stronger, making him sick to his stomach.
Buck looks so broken , it breaks Eddie with him.
“Buck.” Eddie can only manage a hoarse whisper, the bitter taste in his mouth burning his throat as he swallows. His boyfriend is right there. "Buck!"
His feet move before his brain commands, and Eddie's knees collapse on the floor in front of Buck with a thud like a deadweight. "Buck, hey." His loud and ragged breathing makes it impossible for Eddie to recognize his own voice.
His hand find its way to Buck's forearm and the moment his skin touches Buck's cold, shivering one, the younger man's head shoots up as he flinches hard, looking at Eddie with his glassy, bloodshot blues.
With his pale face, disheveled curls and distressed expression, he looks so damn young and hurt like a wounded animal and fuck, Eddie isn't going to make it alive, is he?
Eddie's face softens when his eyes meet Buck's, a sad look crossing his face; his voice gets quieter and gentler, reflecting the ache in his heart. "Evan."
Buck's breath hitches in his throat, and his eyes widen as a recognition visibly flashes his eyes, fresh tears forming. "Eds?" Buck whispers oh so small, barely audible.
"Yeah, yeah, Buck. It's me."
Buck's brows wrinkle and his lips twist down, slightly quivering. He looks like he's having trouble believing Eddie's here. "You're here."
A faint, broken smile tugs at Eddie's lips, he scoots closer and whispers: "I'm here, baby. I'm right here."
He lifts his hand up to cup his boyfriend's face but before his hand can land on Buck's skin, Buck flinches again and his brows knit as he chokes out a gut-wrenching whimper, his form visibly shaking. He looks out of it.
The worry Eddie'd been trying his hardest to rein in breaks its restraints.
"Hey, what's wrong? What's wrong?" Eddie asks, his heart skipping a beat. His hands gently hover over Buck as he gives him a once over, his voice getting slightly louder. "Are you hurt?"
But Buck only lets out another distressed sound and his breath hitches again, his face screws and he mumbles something Eddie can't understand.
"Buck, what's wrong? Talk to me." Eddie almost begs and tilts his head to see Buck, cupping Buck's face, this time slowly.
Buck closes his eyes shut and drops his head, and he clenches his jaw as a groan vibrates his throat. Letting out a shaky breath, he wraps his fingers around Eddie's wrist and squeezes, his breath hitching again as he croaks out. "G-get me out of here. Please."
"Hey, hey, shh." Eddie tries to give comfort while trying to ignore the lump in his throat getting heavier at the other man's desperate pleas. Buck needs him. He doesn't have the luxury to lose it. "We're going out, okay? You're safe, I promise. We're going out."
"Please."
"Come here." Eddie holds Buck's bicep and carefully helps him get up, folding his other arm around his waist. "Let's go. Come on, baby." He tightens his hold when Buck leans heavily against his side and clenches onto the back of his shirt with a weak grasp. "We're going out."
Without looking back, Eddie keeps Buck close and they make their way out of the void and into the world.
They make it to the hospital after Eddie's and Athena's countless insistences, basically giving Buck no choice but to yield, and Eddie doesn't leave his side for a second while nurses do a thorough check up on Buck. His boyfriend looks so tense and skittish, Eddie can't leave him with another stranger.
He just can't.
That's not the only reason for Eddie being glued to Buck's side, deep down he is aware he is doing this for himself, too— there is this possessive need to feel the other man's presence taking him over and Eddie doesn't know how to suppress that, but that's no one's business. He just got Buck back, Eddie needs to keep him in sight. He barely keeps his hands off, so that's something.
Thankfully the nurses clear him, but the real struggle begins when Athena comes in to take a statement, because Buck looks so damn nervous, Eddie can't hold it in anymore. But just as he opens his mouth to protest, Buck beats him to it.
"Can we end this?" Buck blurts out, his Adam's apple bobbing when he swallows. He looks paler than before. "I— I already told you everything I know."
A sympathetic expression crosses Athena's face as she stares at Buck with her kind eyes. Right now, she isn't a cop, but a friend.
"You know how things work, Buckaroo. It's the procedure." She smiles apologetically although it's barely there, her voice gentle.
Buck shakes his head, his breath hitching in his throat, he digs his teeth to his lower lip and his baby blues start to glisten. "I swear, that's all I know." His voice cracks. "I just want to go home."
Okay, that's it.
"Athena." Eddie joins, keeping his voice calm. His eyes meet hers, and the desperate look on his face tells Athena everything he's struggling to word. "Please."
Athena stares at Eddie— visibly weighing her options, then finally lets out a defeated sigh, her shoulders hunching down. "Okay, go. I'll figure something out."
It brings a relieved smile on Eddie's face. "Thank you."
"Thanks." Buck manages out. A tear rolls down his face and he quickly wipes it off with the back of his hand as he sniffles.
Eddie feels the behind of his eyes starting to sting so clears his throat to keep himself from doing anything stupid like crying right in the middle of the room, and nods at the door, eyes on Buck. "Come on, let's go."
Buck gives him a shaky nod and storms off the room.
Before Eddie leaves, Athena puts her hand on his shoulder and gives his tense muscles a light squeeze, arching her brows. "You're calling me if anything happens, alright?"
Eddie rests his hand on top of hers, and nods with a restrained smile. "I will. Thanks, Athena."
The sentiment brings somewhat of a comfort to his anxious state and Eddie is forever grateful for her. He needed that.
"Now go." Athena says. "He's waiting for you."
And Eddie goes.
The road home is silent as Eddie was expecting, and by the time they pick Chris up from Carla and drive home, the adrenaline rushing through his system wears off and the emotional and physical exhaustion kicks in from all sides, leaving him whacked out.
Not just Eddie but Buck as well. There is something to the blond that Eddie can't name but doesn't fail to hurt his heart nevertheless. He doesn't look just worn down, there is something more and Eddie hates that he can't pinpoint what it is, he just wants to make it go away. But at the same time, he is just fucking glad Buck is here with him, alive.
When they finally make it to their place and Eddie kişls the engine, he sees Chris's head lolling to the side and chest rising and falling evenly in the backseat from the rear view mirror, fast asleep.
"I'll carry him to bed." Buck's raspy voice breaks the silence.
Eddie can't hide the soft smile curving up his lips, his hazels sparkling as he looks at Buck with such awe. A feeling of warmth spreads through his chest, ready to combust. "Yeah, okay." He says, whispering so Chris doesn't wake up.
They both get out of the car and He makes his way to the door as Buck leans forward and wraps Chris' slack arms around his own neck, then slowly lifts him up, walking inside their home.
And Eddie barely holds himself back from bursting into tears as he watches them behind. After days of living literal hell, days of waking up to an empty bed, he finally has his family back. As he watches Buck tucking Chris to bed, the hole in his heart disappears and he starts to feel whole again.
They take a quick shower and change their clothes and the moment Eddie has been waiting for finally comes.
They are finally alone, sitting on the kitchen table where the kitchen is only lit by street lights and nothing more. It's more peaceful that way, anyway.
"There you go." Eddie places a plate of crackers and a sandwich in front of Buck, then sits down next to his boyfriend after getting himself a cup of tea.
Buck stares at the food, lips pursed and eyes tired, but doesn't eat.
Eddie drags his chair closer and tilts his head so he can see Buck's face; raising his brows, Eddie pushes the plate a little further. "Just a few bites. You haven't eaten anything."
He doesn't know if they gave Buck something to eat in those days, but he wouldn't be surprised if they didn't. The thought alone makes his blood boil, but he can't waste the remaining of his energy on that draining feeling when Buck is here.
At last, Buck lets out a sigh and slowly, ever so slowly, takes a small bite, chewing hesitantly. When his brows gather and a quiet whine catches in his throat, Eddie's face drops in a confused but worried look.
"What's wrong? Is it bad?"
Buck shakes his head, his voice hesitant and small. "No, it's— it tastes weird, I— uh, I didn't eat much when I was there."
The confession makes Eddie's mouth go dry like sand, it feels like a slap in the face.
Eddie swallows down the lump in his throat. "You aren't there anymore. It's over."
Buck's eyes move to lock with his, hurt and lost, they start to shine as tears slowly form but Buck blinks a few times to make them go away and clears his throat, giving Eddie a nod.
He continues to take small bites until the food is mostly gone and Eddie watches him all the way through, savoring every last second of a moment he once thought he would never be able to experience again.
When they call it a night and make it to their bed, Eddie finally brings himself to say those words:
"I missed you." His voice cracks. They are lying on their sides facing each other, and Eddie can feel Buck's quiet huffs of breath tickling his face. "So much."
Buck scoots closer and rests his forehead against Eddie's, closing his eyes. "I thought no one was going to find me."
"God— never . I would never stop looking until I found you." Eddie brings his hand to rest it on Buck's cheekbone. "I love you so much."
"I love you."
Until exhaustion takes over and they both drift off, they lie in the dark and feel each other's presence. It's the best feeling Eddie's ever felt in days.
It's been only two days since they've found Buck and since then, they have been staying at home spending some time together thanks to Bobby who gave them a week off to adjust and recover. Today is one of those afternoons where Chris is at school, and they are alone in the house.
Eddie is sprawled on the couch with the remote in his hand, zapping through some channels when he hears quiet footsteps coming from behind getting closer, until the weight of the cushions shift when Buck sits on one end of the couch where Eddie's legs are dangling off.
An involuntary smile tugs at Eddie's lips when the younger man fills his line of vision, he gives Buck a once over in admiration before his eyes lift up to Buck's face. "Hey."
"Hi." Buck says quietly. He has an oversized hoodie on and his loose curls stick out everywhere, his shoulders slightly hunched; he looks so vulnerable like this, Eddie wants to wrap his arms around the man and squeeze him tight .
But Buck looks a little timid, and Eddie wonders why.
He straightens himself up a little, propping himself up on his elbow, and frowns. "Babe, is everything alright?"
Buck drops his head and lets out a short sigh, picking the skin of his thumb with his forefinger, he gives a jerky nod at first, but then shakes his head.
Okay, something is wrong.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Eddie asks worriedly and lowers his feet on the floor, closing the distance between them when he slides near Buck, his heart skipping a beat at not knowing what to come next.
Buck chews his lips and stays silent for a few seconds, and when he finally raises his head to look at Eddie, Eddie sees the hurt in his eyes, embedded deep in his baby blues.
"Buck, baby, what's wrong?"
"Uh— Can— Can you hold me?" Buck's voice cracks at the last words, and it's the way he sounds so fragile that does it for Eddie.
Eddie immediately wraps his fingers around Buck's wrist and tugs him towards his chest. "Come here."
He lies down on the couch again, this time Buck sprawls on top of him, giving all his weight to Eddie to carry; Eddie folds his arms around Buck and rests his one hand on the small of his back and the other on his head while Buck buries his face into the hollow of his throat, one arm trapped between their chest and other resting next to Eddie's head, his leg between Eddie's thighs.
With their chest plastered like this, Eddie feels the erratic beat of his boyfriend's heart as if it's his own.
The tip of Eddie's fingers trace Buck's back up and down in slow movements, drawing nonsense just to give comfort, he lifts his other hand up to Buck's face and strokes his brow with his thumb, caressing Buck's cheekbone.
Buck lets out a deep sigh that tickles Eddie's neck, his fingers slide under Eddie's head and fist his shorts strands, tugging lightly. It doesn't hurt, if anything it feels nice to feel Buck so close. Eddie buries his nose into Buck's curls and breathes his scent in— the scent of his milk shampoo that always manages to soothe him, then plants a tiny kiss on top of his head. The hand on Buck's hand slides under Buck's hoodie and rests on his undershirt, and presses Buck's tense form even closer to himself.
When Buck utters out a half whimper at the close contact and lets out a shaky breath, tightening his hold on Eddie's hair, Eddie shushes him and mumbles: "You're okay."
He combs Buck's hair behind his ear, fingertips lightly scratching his scalp, and the hand on Buck's back stays pressed firmly. A grounding weight for the other man.
As he keeps going, he feels the thump of Buck's heart getting steadier against his own chest, and he feels himself relaxing in return.
"Do you want to watch something?" Eddie asks.
It's actually a question in disguise, because Eddie knows exactly what Buck needs. Buck is desperately trying to feel something to regulate himself after being locked up for days, Eddie sees that— he has been catching up on that since the first morning after, and he is willing to give everything he has to help him achieve that.
Buck shrugs. "Sure."
He stops zapping when he finds a decent channel to fill the silence with, and puts the remote next to himself to place his hand on the back of Buck's head again, slowly playing with Buck's curls as they get distracted by the television.
It feels good, the way Buck's lashes touch his skin as he blinks and the way Buck never lets go of his grip on Eddie's hair, although now loosened; Eddie finds comfort in the other man just like Buck does in him, but still the ache in some part of his chest keeps nudging him, a reminder of what they went through.
He just wants to enjoy this moment without thinking anything further, he doesn't want to think of Buck's or his desperation, it only pull him down to spiral, so Eddie takes a deep breath and his eyes land on the man in his arms, reminding himself for the nth time today that the worst is over and Buck is safe.
When a few hours pass by with Eddie and Buck holding each other, their breathings now matched and steady, someone knocks on the door.
Buck flinches ever so slightly under Eddie's hold, Eddie feels the blond's muscles tensing up and the beat of his heart picking up its pace against his own chest.
"It's just the door." Eddie whispers into Buck's hair before planting another tiny kiss, rubbing his back. "Probably Chris."
Buck gives him a nod before untangling himself from Eddie and runs a hand down his face, huffing out a quiet, barely there chuckle. "Yeah, must've dozed off."
He hasn't. Eddie knows he hasn't, and Buck probably knows that Eddie knows.
And it fucking rips him in two to see Buck like this, but Eddie isn't gonna do something stupid such as talking about it and make Buck uncomfortable.
So instead, he smiles back and gets up. "I'll go get it."
It is, just like Eddie was guessing, Chris who's at the door, coming home from school.
It's really funny to Eddie how the atmosphere in the room changes tremendously when Chris is in the house, somehow the kid manages to brighten up the room with his existence and make every last bit of Eddie's worry go away; Buck seems to think the same too because the second Buck is in the same room with Chris, Eddie sees how genuinely content Buck becomes.
Times like these, Eddie finds himself finally believing that the worst is over, and he feels like he can breathe again.
He's never been more wrong.
The worst finds him only a few days later in the afternoon.
Eddie is slumped on the couch scrolling through the web while Buck is in the kitchen doing the dishes— the ones that he insisted on cleaning alone since Eddie prepared lunch by himself, but it's been a little more than some time since Buck is in there without making any sound, and Eddie is curious.
He tosses his phone on the cushions next to him and makes his way towards the kitchen to see what's up, maybe annoy his boyfriend while he's at it, but he can't deny that there is also a tiny piece inside him that whispers what if something's wrong?
No, he won’t give into that voice.
The door is slightly ajar when Eddie makes it there, and he pushes it open as he slides inside with a playful voice. “What’s taking you so long?”
But the moment he’s inside, Eddie stops dead on his feet and it’s like a cold rush of air making his hair stand on end, sending shivers down his spine.
Because here is Buck, standing there with his hands grasping the edges of the counter in a death grip and head dropped to his chest. His eyes are screwed shut, and he is grinding his teeth so tight that they will break. His whole form is trembling like a fucking leaf and his chest is rising and falling unevenly with each ragged breath and with the way he’s trying to hold back the whimpers stuck in his throat, Buck looks like he is on the edge of falling apart.
Something is definitely wrong, and Eddie is scared shitless.
For some reason, his voice is hesitant when he speaks. “Buck?”
But Buck doesn’t answer, instead, a mewl escapes his lips and shakes his head, his grip on the counter now white-knuckled.
The worry clenching Eddie’s chest skyrockets through the roof.
“Buck, what’s going on?” He rushes to his boyfriend's side and wraps his fingers around Buck’s arm but—
Buck flinches back like he’s been burned and like a dam breaking, he heaves with uncontrollable sobs as he shakes his head even more, his face twisted and voice ruined between his cries. “Please don’t touch me, please.”
Oh, fuck. Fuck.
What did he do…
“Okay, okay. I’m sorry.” Eddie almost pleads and pulls his hand away as he takes a step back.
But Buck doesn’t stop crying, god, his sobs get louder and more desperate, each one feels like it’s ripping Buck’s heart out and wrecking him as it echoes in the room; his gut-wrenching tears leave him breathless, barely breathing from how hard he’s sobbing, Buck doubles over on the counter and rests his forehead on the cool marble, his trembles taking over his weak form.
And Eddie just… stands there, his eyes widened with terror and mouth gone dry, unable to do anything because right now even a featherlight touch or a quiet whisper is enough to set Buck off further, because His boyfriend looks in pain but he isn’t— not physically but also he is, Eddie knows he is and he can see that. Buck is hurting all over and he can’t do anything to stop it, not one fucking thing, and he’d rather die than to watch him fall apart like this.
Eddie doesn’t dare move a muscle and reach out to Buck even though he aches with want, instead he quickly turns off the still running water and closes the window to block the loud noise of people and cars filling the room like chaos.
But it’s a little too late, the damage is already done.
Eddie’s most dreaded nightmare finally comes to life, he watches Buck shatter into millions of pieces as he cries his heart out until he can’t breathe and his face his flushed; Eddie stands there paralyzed and lets each sob Buck chokes out stabs his heart with an invisible knife and twists it inside his chest.
Eddie doesn’t know when or how but at some point they both end up on the floor on both ends, the distance between them only a few feets long but feels like the ocean.
Buck is slumped on the ground with his knees drawn to his chest and arms folded on his kneecaps, his forehead pressed on his forearms, hiding his face. His cries haven’t stopped but only subsided— Eddie can still hear Buck’s muffled sniffles and whimpers, and Buck’s short nails keep scratching the fabric of his hoodie over his biceps as he rocks back and forth nonstop.
Sitting right across from the other man, it’s like Eddie is mirroring Buck with the way he has his knees drawn to his chest as well, his elbows dig his knees from the way he has his head between his hands and even though his eyes are fixed on Buck, the tears formed in them make everything blurry. But still he doesn’t look away. His heart throbs in his throat and suffocates him, his chest feels heavy and his blood feels cold, but Eddie doesn’t move.
He doesn’t move, he doesn’t speak, he doesn’t hold back his tears, he just sits there and exists, only breathes quietly as he watches the other man and desperately soaks in his suffering, because it’s the least he can do. Other than that, he’s fucking useless.
Eventually, Buck stops crying, but neither of them move.
Buck rests his temple on his arm and stares at the space before him, his blues dull and bloodshot and flushed face still damp, he stares at nothing until his eyelids slowly droop and his breathing slows down, his battered form finally surrendering to his comedown.
And Eddie watches him sleep.
But they have to get up one way or the other.
It’s been more than what it needs to be since they are on the floor and if they stay like that any longer, Eddie’s pretty sure both of them will end up with one hell of a muscle ache so he has to do something about it.
Buck is still sleeping but as much as Eddie doesn’t want to disturb the younger man, carrying him to bed isn’t an option because he doesn’t want Buck to wake up without having the slightest clue on what the fuck is going on and get scared at best, so he to wake him up.
He slowly rises to his feet and swallows his groan when his stiff joints crack, and makes his way to Buck’s side with quiet steps, crouching down next to him.
God, he wants to touch him so bad.
Eddie tilts his head and leans forward, and whispers: “Baby, wake up.”
Buck slowly stirs awake and cracks his eyes open, then turns his head to Eddie, disoriented and sluggish.
“Let’s go to bed, yeah? It’s more comfortable.” He keeps his voice gentle as he offers and can only hope Buck will say yes.
Thankfully, after Buck stares at him for a few seconds like he’s trying to process what Eddie just said, he nods.
Buck’s movements are clumsy when he gets up and Eddie stands next to him within reach just in case but when Buck takes a step forward and slightly sways on his feet, Eddie instantly wraps his arm around his boyfriend’s waist and pulls him close, letting him lean against his side as he carries both of their weight.
“I got you.” Eddie whispers. “Come on.”
Once they make it to the bedroom, Eddie pushes the covers aside and helps Buck get in the bed; Buck turns on his side and buries himself deeper into the mattress, and closes his eyes.
Eddie pulls the blankets up to Buck’s shoulder and sits on the space next to him. “I’m here if you need anything, alright?”
Buck gives him a tiny nod and just like that, he’s out like a light.
Eddie stays seated until he makes sure Buck is comfortable and getting some rest, only when he feels like he can breathe again Eddie leaves the room and closes the door on his way out.
“Where’s Buck?” Chris asks him when he comes from school.
They are having dinner and Buck is still sleeping.
Eddie lets out a quiet sigh, and forces a soft smile. He’s fucking tired. “He’s sleeping, bud.”
“Is he okay?”
Well, that’s a loaded question.
“He wasn’t feeling well today, so he wanted to get some rest.” Eddie answers, suddenly the food in his mouth feels like rocks and it’s hard to swallow.
Chris nods in acknowledgement, then says: “But he’s gonna be okay, right? He has us.”
The tone of his voice is so hopeful, so naive , it gives Eddie hope.
“Yeah, bud.” Eddie lets out a light chuckle that comes from the heart. “He has us.”
When the day ends and Eddie lies down next to Buck, watching his boyfriend in his exhaustion induced slumber, he prays for better days to find them and lets Buck’s soft snores lull him to sleep.
When the morning comes, Eddie lifts his head up to the quiet steps nearing where he's sitting on the kitchen table, drinking his coffee.
Buck still looks tired when he sits next to Eddie, curls all over the place and face pale in contrast to his birthmark, but there is a calmness to him that wasn't there yesterday.
"Hey." Eddie smiles softly, his eyes sparkling at the sight of his boyfriend.
Buck returns the smile even though it's faint, and ducks his head. "Hey."
He looks like he isn't done, so Eddie waits for him to speak.
Buck clears his throat and looks at Eddie, hesitant. "You were right, you know."
What?
Eddie frowns. "What?"
"You told me not to do it." Buck shakes his head, shrugging. "I should've listened to you."
"Buck—"
Buck's face screws in disgust. "I'm so fucking stupid. "
"Hey, no. Stop." Eddie interrupts and his brows knit, his voice firm. He will not let Buck go down that road. "Stop, that's not true."
"Eddie, come on."
" No, Buck. Listen to me." Eddie drags his chair closer, his knee touching Buck's. The hurt in Buck's blues sits heavy in his soul, but he won't let it consume them. "This wasn't your fault. It wasn't. Those bastards tricked you into a fucking trap and they took you away."
He can feel the heat on his face spreading everywhere and his eyes sting, but he won't cry, he won't cry, he won't—
"They took you away from me and I couldn't do anything." His voice can't carry the agony in his heart and cracks at the last word.
Buck's eyes start to glisten as he listens to Eddie, his breath hitches in his throat and he whispers: "I was so scared. I thought I was going to die in there and never see you again."
"God, Evan ." Eddie's voice shakes and his tears betray him.
Buck's hand reach out for Eddie, and Eddie locks his fingers with Buck's without waiting, he puts them on his thigh and his thumb caresses the pale skin beneath his fingertips back and forth.
"Eddie." Buck almost whispers, sniffling. "I'm scared."
Eddie squeezes Buck's hand tighter, tilting his head to see Buck. "Hey, look at me. I'm right here, okay? We will get through it together. Whatever it is."
"You promise?" Buck whispers.
Eddie whispers back. "I promise."
Buck leans forward and rests his forehead against Eddie's and closes his eyes, and Eddie brings his hand to cup Buck's face.
"Can I kiss you?"
Eddie is okay with both answers, they are in no rush, but still the answer makes his heart skip a beat just like the first time it happened.
Because what happens is Buck brushes his lips against Eddie's and kisses him so slow , Eddie feels the way Buck taste with every fiber of his being.
It feels so fucking good.
"I love you."
And in the end, better days do find them.