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She opened her eyes, what time was it? It seemed early, it was Friday morning she brought her hand to her right, she already knew the answer but had to check. Maya was already up, Carina grabbed her mobile and checked the time, it was 6:15, God why she was always so early, she didn’t have to wake up so early anymore. She slowly moved her body out of the bed and walked into the bathroom.
She unlocked the door and got into the house, nobody was up yet, her son and wife sleeping. She dropped her keys at the side corner table boll and walked towards the kitchen holding the warm full of chocolate croissants and Carinas favourite coffee. She took them out and started setting the breakfast at the kitchen table. She smiled putting the chocolate donut for her son, and turned to grab an orange and make him some juice. As she turned she watched her wife standing by their bedroom door frame.
“Hey, your up”
“Si, so are you”
Maya walked towards Carina and they shared a kiss.
“I grabbed breakfast” Maya said.
“I didn’t run”
“I know”
“Just saying it”
Carina walked in the kitchen.
“Your spoiling him”
“He can have a donut as breakfast one day of the week” Maya said.
Carina said nothing, knowing where this discussion was heading.
“Your up early”
She said again.
Maya nodded but said nothing, Carina grabbed her coffee as Maya sat in the chair and grabbed a bite from her croissant. Carina moved to sit on her lap and Maya passed her hand around her waist. They started sharing the croissant, eating in silence.
At moments Carina would turn her head and kiss Mayas forehead and side, have her nose on her cheek, Maya focused everywhere else than Carina. As time passed finally they heard their sons footsteps coming out of his room.
“He is up” Maya said.
“Yes” Carina answered and got up turning to wait for her little prince to come straight into her arms. She hugged him, raised him in her arms and sat in the chair next to Maya, with her baby in her lap. She placed his head on Carina’s shoulder, with his eyes half closed still.
“Buongiorno” he whispered and Maya moved her head to kiss him.
“Good morning my baby”
“Buongiorno” Carina whispered back at her sleepy son. She kissed his head too and he hugged his litle body around her waist.
Maya smiled fully understanding the feeling. She turned her eyes and continued to eat her breakfast while she felt her wifes hand on the back of her hair.
“they got a bit longer now”
“yeah, iam thinking of, of not cutting them for a while”
“that would be good”
“you think?”
“whatever you want bella”
Suddenly her son became alive in her arms, opening his eyes and seeing the donut that awaited him on his firefighters plate. He turned quickly and made a plunge for it, Carina laughed.
“Easy budy, its yours” Maya said smiling. He started eating it filling his mouth and lips with sugar and chocolate. Carina watched as her two babies competed with each other, who is gonna eat more chocolate, she grabbed half of Mayas croissant and started eating herself.
Its just a weekend, she thought to herself. It will pass.
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It was late 8 when she arrived back home, she got dragged out to a very dangerous labor that Jo couldnt handle alone, everything went fine in the end, the mama had lost a lot of blood but they managed to control it and mama and child were healthy and resting. She waited for the garage door to open and parked, Maya and Andrea were already home of course. She took an deep breath and got out. She passed by Maya’s bike and walked throu the inside garage door to the back of the house, took her shoes off and walked throu the hall inside the large living room. Her son and wife were laying in the couch watching a childrens movie, she passed by the couch kissing her sons head and touching Maya’s hair. Her wife instantly got up following her.
“Your a bit late”
“I got kept up, we had a bit of a difficult case” Carina moved inside their bedroom, started undressing.
“Ill set you a plate”
“No i have eaten at the hospital, did you guys eat”
“Yeah, i grabbed something at the station and Andrea had his lunch at school and he is eating his cereal now”
“I could use some cereal too” Carina said.
“Im on it” Maya answered before her wife managed to say that she didnt have to do it, that she could do it herself. Instead she took of her clothes and got on the shower, the warm water was going to cure her tired body.
As she entered the living room half an hour later, her cereal were waiting for her, as was her son who couldnt stop telling her about tomorrows soccer match, and how excited he was and how much he and his mother had analysed the match, oh dios mio iam already getting a headache Carina thought.
Maya wasnt part of that discusion, she continued to watch the childrens movie, and occasionally checking her phone.
After awhile Andrea got tired and went to his room to play with his tablet before he gets ready for bed.
“Half an hour” His mother yelled.
“Mama Perché solo mezz'ora? Non sono stato sul mio tablet tutto il giorno?” He yelled from inside his room in Italian ignorning his mother, fully knowing how much that upseted Maya.
“Andrea Fai come dice tua madre”
“Oi” He answered realising he wasnt winning this.
Carina got up from the kitchen table and sat next to her wife on the couch.
“I saw the news earlier, have they managed to control the fire”
“Yes, a couple of hours ago”
“Thank God”
Maya nodded.
“Was your station called?”
“Yes”
“Were you held back or?”
“No, i left on time”
There was silence for a second.
“Ill probably have a lot of reports to proofwrite on Monday” Maya said smirking.
Carina said nothing.
“Your son is pretty excited for tomorrow’s match”
“My son?” Carina smiled.
“He is a natural born winner like his mommy” Carina said without thinking it much
Maya’s face went sour in seconds. She changed the channel to the news and continued to talk for things that nobody cared for.
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“He slept within minutes, i expected him to be full of excitement for tomorrow” Carina said as she walked inside their bedroom. Maya was already in bed laying watching her like a hawk. She went into the bathoom washed her face, applied her creme and came back in, she laid on the side of her bed. She turned towards Mayas body and placed her head on her shoulder, as her wife had her hands under her head and her eyes looking straight ahead.
“Andy became Chief today”
“What?”
“Andy, Andy Herre”
“Oh i know who she is, how, she wasnt even captain for what 4 years?”
Maya said nothing. Carina passed her hand on her wifes face, easying the strained jaw.
Maya closed her eyes taking on the touch, Carina’s hands, fingers on her face.
“She got nothing on you” Carina said.
Maya smirked bitterly.
“What? The cripled unstable pcychotic? Yeah she certainly got nothing on me”
“Your not cripled nor pcychotic”
“i cant pass the physical, i am medicated”
“That doesnt mean your crippled, just your ankle cant stand much weight for a constant amount of time, and could”
“Give out, i know” Maya whispered.
“Do you know what i did all day today? Nothing. Sitting around answering phones and keepin the coffee ready”
“There was a train accident and i was watching from the tv, watching live, making reactions in my mind, what they should do, how to contain the fire, the best ways to protect the people inside, evacuation tactics, and do you know with whom i was talking about it? With the caterer who was bringing the food and hydrating drinks for the second shift”
“Bella”
“Why are you staying with me?”
“Maya” Maya turned and looked at her wife.
“Why are you staying with me?”
“Not this discussion again”
“Yes, this discussion again”
Carina tried ti turn her back.
“Dont turn your back on me”
Maya grabbed her wifes hand and turned her, getting on top of her. They looked at each other.
“Sei un grande stronzo” Carina answered.
“For this?” Maya answered back.
She placed Carinas hands under her head and started kissing her. She dragged her top up and revealed her breasts, her nipples already up for her mouth. She released Carinas hands and immidiately placed her mouth of Carina’s breasts. My god how this woman was getting hotter and more beautifull as she was getting older. She lapped at her right breast, dragging it up, making circles, scratching the niple, feeling Carinas hand dragging her hair, pushing head head more on her body. She turned her face and just laid her cheek on Carinas breasts feeling them.
“Fuck, fuck, babe” She said.
“Ti amo”
Carina whispered and Maya turned her head and came up going for her mouth. She demanded Carinas mouth to open and she attacked her tongue, her lips, so much, she started biting, squeezing, pushing so much, that she didnt realise she hurt Carina’s lips, she felt the liquid in her mouth, she felt it and suck it and bited stronger, until Carina pushed her, dragged her mouth, turned her head away.
“Maya stop” She pushed her body off her, and got up. She walked inside the bathroom and checked her face, dios mio, her lower lip was cut deep. She grabbed paper towel and pressed, and after a minute or so the blood stop.
“Sei felice con te stesso adesso? (are you happy with yourself now?)
“un tale stronzo”(such an asshole)
“I am sorry”
“No you are not”
Maya moved as Carina came back to bed.
“Let me see”
“Maya I am tired, we have a big day tomorrow for Andrea, let’s get some rest, he would be up early and excited and”
“OK” Carina turned her back and closed her eyes.
“I am sorry”
Carina said nothing, she closed her eyes. Its only a weekend she said to herself.
“Can I hug you?”
“Car?”
“Can I hug you?”
“Yes, yes you can hug me”
She felt Maya’s hand snake around her waist, and her body stuck on her back, holding her strong. Her face, pressured on her back.
“Teddy called me today”
“What?”
“Teddy”
“She did? she didn’t mention it”
“Why?”
“No reason she said, probably remembered the”
“Date”
“yeah” She felt Mayas mouth kissing her back, and then her top getting wet, and strong arms squeezing her.
“I love you so much”
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She heard his footsteps, running on the wooden floor.
“He is running”
“perché deve svegliarsi prima di te?”(why does he have to wake up as early as you?”
“maledetti Bishops” (Damn you Bishops”
He pushed the bedroom door and jumped on the bed.
“Mommy wake up, we have to get dressed and ready, prepare my milkshake and talk tactics and”
“Andrea take a breath” Carina said.
“No Mama, mommy get up”
“non avrei mai creduto che tu non mi abbia messo incinta” (i will never believe you didnt get me pregnant,how he can be so much like you?” Carina mubled as she dragged the covers above her head.
Maya grabbed her son who was still jumping on the bed and walked out of the bedroom with him on her arms. They had a big day infornt of them.
Andrea their 5 year old son had his soccer teams final, in a date where his mother almost 6 years before, was commited on 5150 by his mama. A 5150 decision that changed Mayas life forever, that made her make choices for her wellbeing that led to huge changes in her lifestyle and her career. A decision that forever changed her relationship with her wife and the people around her. Carina closed her eyes, took a deep breath, its just a weekend she said to herself.
“Mama dai, non abbiamo molto tempo, dobbiamo arrivare un'ora prima ( mama come on we have to be there one hour earlier)
You wanted children didnt you? Carina said to herself as she pushed the covers away.
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The drive was about one and half hour. The local children soccer teams final was being held in a sportings center just in the suburns of Seatle. Maya was driving them, Carina was looking at her wife, noticing every look on her face, every reaction. Maya was focused on her son for the time being, Andrea was crazy about soccer and fully aware of his mothers Olympic past, he wanted her to always be his side, demanding and asking her attention.
Maya was very careful not only to not put any pressure on him but at the begining was very reluctant to allow him to get into any kind of sports in such an early age. But as the Italian he was and Mayas son, nobody could hold him back. He joined the juniors soccer team throu the pre elementary preparation school and he was a natural. So Maya had no other choice but to support him. They finally arrived, the place was getting full already.
“Mommy were late”
“No we arent”
“Look at all those people, they arrived earlier than us i told u”
“Andrea calm down” Maya raised her voice a bit and her son stopped.
“We are here an hour sooner as we were advised, check your watch”
“He checked his watch and calmed down.
They got out of the car, Maya grabbed his sports bag,while Carina had prepared a small lunch and refreshments even though they were informed that the place would provide for everything after the matches. Andrea jumped out of the car and garbbed his mothers hand, and they all started walking towards the soccer fields.
There were 4 finals of every local junior soccer team on 4 small soccer fields. Andrea located his team and rushed towards his coach and fellow players as Maya looked around and searched the place for any kind of danger. Always safety first for her firefighter, Carina thought.
As she turned she watched a familiar figure standing at the other side for the sidelines. Oh no. She passed her hand on her wifes, something that suprised Maya, but before Maya could understand why.
“Bishop” Maya raised her head.
“Herrera” Andy smiled amusingly.
“Carina” She said as she moved to hug and kiss Carina.
“Andy it’s great to see you”
“Thank you”
“Whatare you doing here?”
“Oh you dont know?”
“No?”
“Pruit is playing soccer, apparently he and Andrea are facing each other on their litle final”
“You didnt know?”
“No we didnt” Maya finally said.
“Maya,Carina good to see you” Sullivan came from behind placing his hand arounds his wife back.
“You too” Carina said.
“How are they treating you at 28?”
“Good”
“I hear you really organised their archives and your reports are impecable”
Maya nodded.
“You probably heard Andy is the chief now” Sullivan said smiling.
“Yes, congratulations”
“Congratulations”
“Thank you, ill be touring stations all next month to get to know everybody, would love to see you”
Maya nodded again.
“I am sure we can arrange something better for you than sorting the dailing reports” Sullivan said. He was captain now, he and Andy were on different stations but both were captains until she got to be chief.
“Ok, may the best team wins”
Andy said as she and Sullivan walked away. Maya dropped Carinas hand and climb the few stands that were set for parents to watch.
Carina sat beside her saying nothing. She just passed her hand around her wifes bicep, squeezing it tight.
“You dont have to do that, iam not a child that constantly needs reassurance”
Carina placed her hand on her lap and said nothing. Maya focused on watching her son and his team getting warmed up, while she checked her phone.
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Things werent going so well and Carina could see it. Mayas leg was going up and down beside her, the stands were filled with parents, who everyone had an opinion about their childs match, Andrea’s match had about 15 minutes that started and the other team was playing a very hard, physical game. Andrea was thin and tall for his age, which meant he could easily fall or sidelined. He was all Deluca in genes and appearance but all Bishop in stubborness. He was playing midfielder and ahead when the opportunity came.
“he keeps losing the ball, he needs to pass it and move instead of trying to triple, he seems confused” Maya said.
Pruit was a mixx of Andy and Sullivan, he was a strong latino boy and he was on the defense, which meant he and Andrea had several one to one that Pruit was winning over.
“God, pass the ball Andrea” Maya yelled at some point.
“Maya” Carina scolded.
“What?”
“Calm down, it’s just a children match”
“He is not doing what we talked about”
“And so what? “
“Well he wanted to win, he wont be winning if he continues to play like this”
“First of all there is a whole team playing, not only him and secondly its a junior soccer tour, he is going to forget it tomorrow”
As they watched the other team scored just as the half time was called.
“Shit, iam going to talk to him”
“Your not going anywhere, let him be, he is just a child”
“I just want to talk to him for a second”
“Maya, no, they have a coach”
“But”
“No”
Carina looked at her wife and after a looking match Maya caved in. They watched the second half in silence, Andrea was replaced after ten minutes and his team lost 3-0. All the children got medals. After the match the parents walked on the field and talked to each other, Maya and Carina mingled with other parents, Andrea’s teammates.
“Good match” Andy said as she approached Maya, they were on their own in the corner of the field watching the kids running around, the parents talking, Maya was watching Carina kissing and greeting Andreas friends parents.
“Yeah”
“Andrea looks so much like his uncle, he seems like a great boy, well done to you guys”
“Thank you, we are blessed to have him, Pruit looks exactly like Sulli congratulations on the win, he is a natural”
“He had a good match, oh I cant with how many people tell me he looks like Robert”
“Congratulations on the promotion”
“Thank you”
They stayed silent for awhile.
“Maya, I really meant it about finding a”
Maya suddenly turned and looked at her former best friend.
“I am fine where I am, I love the station I love the team and they love me back”
“I am sure you can do so much more than desk duty and office organizing, maybe back up the teams and”
“And what? Carry the water for the teams on the field to drink?”
“You know that’s not what I meant”
Maya turned and looked around for Carina again.
“She is gets hotter by the minute” Andy said, and Maya smiled.
“yeah”
“Your lucky to have her” And there it was.
“Yes I am”
“Ben has been telling us about her awards and recognition she is getting on her field and”
“Yeah she is the best”
They fall in silence again.
“Well Ill go find my men, it was good seeing you doing so well”
“Thank you, it was good seeing you too”
They just shared a look, a nod, no hug, no smiles. Maya watched as Andy walked away and turned around focusing on her wife again.
Andrea was approaching his mama and she noticed him and bend to ug him. He seemed gutted to say the least. His first major loss. He gave his mama a half hug and instantly walked towards his mother, with Carina following behind.
Maya touched his hair.
“Good game buddy” He looked at his mother but said nothing. He held her hand and Maya took his bag from Carina.
They walked towards their car in silence.
Carina looked at Maya, and their son.
Again couldn’t believe how much he was like his mother in character, how he will keep to himself when upset. She expected Maya to say something to lift his spirits but she remained silent too, making Carina to boil inside.
They drive back to their house seemed endless and longer. Finally they got home and the moment Maya opened the door inside the garage , Andrea jumped out and rushed inside the house.
“Don’t you think you should tell him something?”
“It’s a kids soccer match, he will get over it”
“Maya”
“What?”
Carina said nothing, already the day was difficult, she didn’t want to make it even more.
The house was silent as she walked inside behind her moody babies. Maya grabbed a beer and sat on the couch while Andrea was in his room.
“Andrea you are having a bath your all sweaty”
“No”
“Si”
“No mama”
“Si”
“No” he yelled from the inside of his lungs and Carina watched as Maya got up and almost run to his room.
“Maya”
“What did we say about yelling young man? Now get ready for bath”
“I don’t want to, I want to watch”
“You will watch whatever you want but bath first”
“No”
“Andrea I said get ready for bath”
He didn’t answer back instead he started getting undressed throwing his clothes around.
“Don’t throw your clothes like that because you’re the one picking them up”
“No I wont”
“Of yes you will” Maya started being loud herself now.
Carina got in between them and started gathering the clothes, something that made Maya mad, she grabbed Carina and stopped her.
“Don’t”
“Don’t what?”
“He should be the one picking them up”
“Let him be, he just lost his match”
“Its just a fucking kids soccer match”
“Oh yes? Like it was like a kids soccer matches for you?”
“yes but you know what? I didn’t lose,” She yelled and got out of the room.
Andrea started crying, his mama approaching him and hugging him.
“Shhh va bene baby” she hugged her son strong and took him in the bath.
She prepared the quick shower for him and prepared his clothes as he showered himself, leaving him alone.
“You are proud of yourself?”
Maya didn’t answer.
“He expected some good words, instead your telling him he lost and”
“Well he did”
“And? And what?”
“I told him what he needs to do and”
“And what? He is a kid, he is just 5 most of the kids there were older than him and he is in the team”
Maya said nothing.
“mama” Andrea called for his mama to alert he was ready.
“Leave me” Maya said.
She walked into the bathroom and grabbed Andreas towel, she bends and get the towel around him and picks him up.
They walked inside his bedroom, and sits him in bed, drying him up with the towel.
Andrea wasn’t looking at her.
“Why didn’t you do as I told you?” He didn’t answer back. Avoiding his mothers eyes.
“Look at me”
He raised his eyes looking at his mother, she started dressing him.
“I told you pass the ball don’t try and dripple those boys were older and heavier than you and they overpowered you”
Andrea said nothing again.
“You’re a loser” Andrea whispered. Maya didn’t catch his phrase at first.
“What? What did you say?” She was loud again. Carina walked into the room. Everything happened in a second.
“You’re a loser, you aren’t a firefighter, don’t, don’t tell me you don’t” He stopped talking as he saw his mothers eyes, realizing he said too much.
“Andrea non parlare così a tua madre”( andrea dont talk to your mother like that) For a moment Carina thought Maya was going to hit him. Instead she fixed his shirt and and got up from where she was bending, Andrea lowered his head, Maya looked around for a moment and then looked down and walked out.
“Mommy” Andrea started crying again while Maya left the house.
Carina hugged her son strong.
“Shhh non lo intendevi piccolo, lei lo sa”(mommy knows you didnt mean it baby)
“the, the boys, the boys, from the other team said it, their dads were firefighters, they they” Andrea was crying more and more.
“Shhh, va bene, shhh”
“questo è quello che hanno detto, lei non indossa nemmeno il risvolto hanno detto”(thats what they said, that she doesnt even wear turn ups, ups”
Andrea was keep on mubling beetween cries. Carina fully understood what happened.
Boys from the other team said words about his mother in order to breat his moral before the match. Thats why he looked overwhelmed and out of his element during the match. His mother was his hero, he was probably confused, didnt know what to believe.
She hugged him strong and continued to whisper sweet nothings in his ear until he calmed down.
It was almost two hours ago that Maya had left and Carina wasn’t worried yet. The weather seemed to get heavier, it was apparently going to rain soon. Andrea was in his room he didn’t eat, Carina had no appetite either, but she will wait half hour more and then she will set the table for herself and her son.
She checked her phone again.
“you know he didn’t mean it, boys were telling him things to break him for the match, you know how those things are”
“if you are out running don’t forget frequent breaks”
Her messages were read but gone unanswered. Until she heard the door opening. She got in, limbing a bit with her head down. She was drenched in sweat and completely red in the face.
“I am going to shower”
“Ok”
She went straight in the bedroom and shut the door.
Her son slowly came out of his room.
“is mommy back?”
“Si”
“Help me set the table?”
Her son nodded. Maya got out of the bedroom 20 minutes later, looking fresh but tired. The table was set. Clearly they were waiting for her, her wife and son on their chairs, the plates set.
“I made that tomato and feta sauce you so like” Carina said.
“I am not hungry” Maya said, and instead opened the fridge and grabbed a beer. She walked in the living room and opened the tv sat on the couch and watched.
“Your not hungry? Ok!!!!!” Carina said.
She started eating while looking at her son, feeling her anger boiling and her patience at her limits until she saw Maya getting up again and walking towards the table. She got on her chair and her fork and started eating too.
Her son started eating too, stealing looks towards his mother.
“I am sorry mommy”
Maya said nothing.
“I am sorry” He said louder starting to cry again. Carina looked at her wife waiting for a response.
But there was none. Andrea had stopped eating now, crying even more. Carina got up from the table and left the kitchen, she shut the door to her bedroom and locked it.
It was 5 minutes after maybe, that Maya got up and approached her sons chair. She bend in order to reach his height. He raised his head while crying.
“Its ok bud, I know you didn’t mean it”
“I am sorry mommy” He said again and passed his hands around his mothers neck holding her strong.
She hugged him back and raised him sitting on his chair. He had calmed down after awhile.
“I think we should finish dinner before mama kill us both”
Andrea laughed out loud. Maya got her plate in front of her next to her sons and they both started eating. The lock of the door was heard.
“Oh here she comes” Maya said.
“cosa ho chiesto? un fine settimana, un fine settimana tranquillo”(what did i ask one weekend, one quiet weekend” Carina started, moving her hands and walking up and down while her Bishops had their heads down and continued to eat.
‘Now you are eating? Now?? I should have left you both hungry”. Andrea started slowly to laugh at his mothers outburst while Maya couldnt hide her smile too.
“Oh your laughing now? Your both grounded. Dont you dare come into my room, you are sleeping in the couch tonight Bishop”
“You can sleep in my room mommy” Andrea whispered.
Maya hugged him and kissed his head.
Carina approached the table and started eating herself.
“That’s why you were so lost in the match today? Those boys upset you?” Maya asked.
Andrea nodded.
“Your are not a firefighter mommy?”
“Well, I I am not the kind of firefighter I used to be, the kind their parents are”
“You don’t wear turn ups”
Maya smiled.
“It’s turnouts, its turnout gear and no, I don’t need to wear turnouts anymore, remember I told you I don’t go to the fires anymore”
Andrea nodded.
“My leg, angle cant keep me steady for a big amount of time, I need to sit down a bit, rest it, firefighters on the field could be standing for 8-9-10 hours straight I cant do that anymore”
Andrea nodded again.
“I stay behind. I make sure the things we used to take out the fire, the gear, the hoses, everything is on shape, I check the reports, I make sure everything was done right, I write reports on my own about how the fire happened, how it escalated, how it got big, what we could have done to stop it, so next time we respond better”
Andrea nodded again.
“And you will never go after the fire again”
“No, I don’t think so bud”
They remained silent for awhile and then Maya turned her head away from her son and started silently crying.
“You are still a firefighter for me mommy” Andrea hugged his mother who started crying in his little chest.
Carina got up and kissed Mayas head and hugged her from the back. Maya raised her head and laid it on Carinas belly.
“You are still our firefighter baby”
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It was hours later and they were all laying on the couch Carina reading her book, Maya and Andrea talking about the match.
“You know I lost plenty of times in my life” Andrea looked at his mother.
“You did?”
“Yes”
“Even when you won the gold medal?”
“Yeah I lost at my first Olympics too you know”
“Just because you lose it doesn’t make u a loser, it also doesn’t always mean someone else is better than you, sometimes you are tired, sometimes you don’t feel like winning, sometimes its not your day, sometimes you are thinking too much, sometimes your belly hurts, it doesn’t mean you are a loser”
“You know when I nearly was a loser?”
“When?”
“When I nearly lost you and mama”
“You never lost us mommy”
“But I was going to”
“When?”
“Remember when I told you that I fell and hit my head and my angle was very very tired and that’s why I couldn’t run too much anymore and cant go out for the fire?”
Andrea nodded.
“It was then. I lost something at that time, someone else got something that I wanted, I had it and I lost it, and it was ok, but I couldn’t take the loss you know, the loss got to me so much that I couldn’t see that I was going to lose the most important person in my life, and I couldn’t have you”
“Mama?”
“Yes mama. It was about 6 years ago I think, same day as this one”
“Really?”
“Yes”
“And what did you do mommy?”
“I didn’t do anything, I kept going and going thinking I could win because what was taken from me it was unfairly taken and I didn’t want to let go, I thought I could get back to before, not seeing in front of me, not seeing I had the biggest win of my career of my life, and I was losing that”
“And then you fall and did you see mommy?”
“Actually I still couldn’t see, but but someone else could”
“Mama?”
“Yes, mama could see for me, mama had my back and she she”
“She made you see”
“Yeah” Maya looked at her wife with her piercing blue eyes that said so much.
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“ Am I still sleeping on the couch?” Maya asked. Andrea was already in his room, tacked in his bed. They were just the both of them now, Maya sprawled on the couch and Carina siting on the big couch chair on the side.
Carina looked at her.
“You saved your ass at the last minute”
“You love that ass”
“Yes I do”. Carina got up and laid on her wives body.
She started playing with Maya’s hair on her neck.
“I was so scared you were going to hurt yourself, that I will lose you and I couldn’t let it happen, I couldn’t and”
“I know baby”
“I didn’t think all the implications it had on your work and your career”
“Car, I was killing myself, I was losing my mind, I scared you, I lost you”
“You didn’t lose me, you will never lose me”
“Don’t say that”
“Its true”
“You don’t know what can happen, look at me, I am still in therapy and I still struggle and I am still stuck and I cant run I cant run a mile without my angle hurting and you deserve, you deserve”
“Stop it, I don’t want to hear it”
“You deserve someone better and Andrea deserves someone he can be proud of and”
“Andrea? Andrea adores you, he adores you, he looks up to you so much, you are his role model and the more he grows up he will know the truth and love you more and”
“What truth? What? That his mother was so mad that she wasn’t a captain anymore that she went crazy? That she was committed because she was a danger to herself, a danger to you”
“You were never a danger to me”
“Oh yes I was, and you know it”
“He will know what they did to you, how u grew up and against all odds you survived so much abuse and became an Olympian and the first woman captain in the SFD and how politics and misogynism took that away from you and how they tried to break you, nonstop harassed and bullied and nobody was on your side and yes, you broke and”
“You were on my side”
“I will always be on your side, always”
“When, when I woke up in the hospital and realized where I was and what happened, I looked for you, and I didn’t listen what Jack was saying or what Teddy was saying, or anybody, all I was thinking, Carina, Carina, she is mine, she is my person, she will get me out of here, she is on my side, she is my wife, mine, the only person I have, not this fake team, not the doctors, nobody, Carina knows why I do this, she knows what they did to me, she will understand and when you told me you were 5150 me, I couldn’t believe it, like I couldn’t, it wasn’t the act itself, it was that you were doing this to me, you, and I couldn’t see it that yes you were the only who could do it because you were the only one who loved me so much to do this, and it felt like such a betrayal like he was right, like he said, you are alone kiddo, and my heart was ripped”
Carina held her strong.
“I wasn’t going to lose you. It was a clear choice for me”
“I am so so sorry that I made you choose this, I made you take this decision”
The stayed silent for awhile.
“Omg how I crawled behind your ass those 6 months after”
Carina smiled.
“And when I learned you were pregnant omg, I was so happy and so crazy at the same time, Diane was getting dizzy by my thoughts only, all my plans about the baby”
“She told me you were so scared ill find someone else and raised out child and at the same time how you wanted to safe proof the house for the baby and checking for nutrition for pregnant women”
“Yes, I was crazy jealous of anyone getting near you, I had everyone on speed dial, asking if you found someone or getting close to anyone, your friends from the hospital, omg, they really must thought I was crazy”
“As if you aren’t jealous now”
“I ll always be jealous, it’s a”
“A what?”
“A constant fear, that someone else will come, better than me, stronger than me and you will fall in love and”
“And what if you find someone else and”
“That will never happen”
“Why?”
“Because, you’re the one for me”
“Things change”
“No it doesn’t, not for me, its over”
“And its not over for me?”
“Its different”
“Why?”
“Because, you are amazing, you are so beautiful inside and out, you got so much love, you light my life, you have been throu so much for me and you love me and stood by my side and” Carina looked at her smiling.
“And?”
“And nothing.”
“Your pouting”
“ I am not”
“I love it when your words prove me right”
“No”
“ What? You just mentioned you are the one for me too”
“I didn’t say that”
“OK”
“Car”
“Ok”
Carina suddenly felt Maya pushing her on her lap and moving to get, grabbing her thighs and raising her.
“Mayaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa your angle”
“I can still fucking lift you up for ten steps”
“Yes you can” Carina said as she brought her forehead near her wifes.
“My big strong firefighter”
Maya flexed her biceps.
“Where are you going?”
“IN bed!!!”
“But you aren’t sleeping in our bed tonight”
“WHATTTTTTTTT BABYYY”
“Hahaahhah, your so easy Bishop”