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Heading down the mountain and back to Trava, the energy had changed. Sparrow was smiling more, laughing more as she chatted with Vodrik--they both were. They really were best friends; it was a wonder to see, and a comfort that drew Zarria in. She hadn’t wanted to impose on their reunion--at least for Sparrow, it had been so long--but, for once, she wasn’t allowed to cling to the edges of the group. Every time time she started to draw back, Sparrow pulled her back in with a new story from their history, or a game to share, or a chance for her to ask those burning questions about what had actually happened between them, as much as either were willing to reveal.
That breakdown in the mountain garden was a humiliating admission, in retrospect, but finally, someone in this party had heard her. For all her awkward hugs and questionable choices, Sparrow was trying. Sparrow always tried. This wasn’t even the first time she'd heard Zarria out. She couldn’t pretend it was just a fluke or some inconvenient necessity anymore. Or, well, she hoped.
They had nearly reached the Travan border now. After yet another full day of hiking, everyone was tired, sore, and settling down to sleep. The fire had burned itself soft, and the air was filled with the scent of dust and concerts of crickets. Nothing here in Themne could compare to the lush greenery of her home in the Strand, but Zarria could see how someone could be content living their whole life in a little village here in Malart.
Her bedroll was all laid out for the night, but before she settled in, she watched a flash of green and brown scurry up a tree. It was still impressive how Sparrow could disappear once she settled into the branches of a tree. Zarria supposed now was as good of an opportunity as any.
Walking over, she pulled herself up into the tree with acrobatic ease. “Hey, Sparrow,“ she said. “I’ll let you meditate in a moment, but I just, I wanted to say thanks. Up on the mountain, I, I said some things. You tried to make me feel better then, and ever since we left... Thank you. For trying.“
Sparrow smiled--Zarria thought even her most honest smiles still looked a little strange on her face, but they were getting better--and said, “Of course, any time--listen, I know we've had our rough patches in this group, and our whole task seems daunting as all hell, but... I think you can boil 'saving the world', or whatever the fuck you want to call it, down to making people happy. So... I don't know if this is making you happy, but I hope it's making you less unhappy? And if you are unhappy, you know, I'm, like, I'm here. And I know I'm not great at talking, but if you want to talk, or if there's something else that'll make you less unhappy, then... I'm definitely here. I want to do that.”
“Making people happy... that's a nice way to think about it.” She still doubted if even all the good they’d done cancelled out all the lives they’d ruined. “But yeah, what you're doing, for me, it’s nice. It's nice to be listened to, at all. With things how they are, honestly, it’s hard to imagine being happy, exactly, but... it’s still helping. Though, I can't... really think of anything else to make me less unhappy, unless you can get rid of Koroviev.” She turned her tone light at the end, flashing a small hint of a smile. For as much as her absolute hatred of Koroviev was real, Sparrow wasn’t exactly the one who could make them vanish into thin air.
“Uh. I mean, any of us could get rid of Koroviev, we're all probably technically capable of that. With the right planning. Like, that's definitely something that's possible, technically.“
Zarria snorted. “Technically, sure, but I remember how that conversation's gone each time we had it.“
“Well, I mean, yeah, I wouldn't include Elora in... well, in any conversation, but definitely not in a conversation about getting rid of people, and especially not in conversations about Koroviev. I was actually going to, well, I was going to try to talk to Vodrik about it again, now that he's my Vodrik again, but I thought--honestly, I didn't think you liked conversations about getting rid of people either? Gods, 'getting rid of people', I sound like a fucking mob boss. Anyway. Uh. Maybe I misunderstood, and you just meant ditch Koroviev in Trava somewhere. In which case just, like, never tell Elora I said any of this; I'm not in the mood to get preached at.“
Sparrow was serious. The steady swing of Zarria’s tail picked up speed, and she felt like she should have seen this coming. “Uhm, well, I was joking, mostly, I don't. Like those kinds of conversations, that is. I wasn't trying to ask you to do anything about them, but... if you are planning something... ever since we left for Trava, I've been thinking about it.” It felt dangerous to say aloud: her chest tightened. “We said we were going to decide after, and it feels like that time's coming soon. We can't keep them with us. I don't feel good about leaving them somewhere. There aren’t a lot of options. Hell, havent they invited us to do it? What I'm trying to say is, I'd support you.“
”Oh. Well. I'm not--I don't know what I'm going to do, definitely, but, I mean--support is good. if I do something... unfortunate, it would be nice to know there's someone who'll stop Elora from arresting me or trying to forcibly redeem me or whatever. We did say we were going to talk about it after, and if we, uh, if we need to have that conversation--I mean, if I leave us in a place where we still need to have that conversation, right, I don't see it going much better than it did the first time.”
“Yeah, that's why I wasn't really, expecting anything? I don't want to pressure you or anything. Sorry, I didn't mean to make it awkward.“
“No, it's fine! I might do something! I don't know, I'm going to try to, uh, talk to Vodrik. Carefully. I, uh, I don't want to make it weird either, for any of us. or unpleasant, like, uh, you know--too many murderers in this group, that sucks. That kind of thing. But I don't, um, I don't have a lot of ideas for--anyway. We can't bring them; we can't leave them; I don't know what people expect the magical third option to be. So there's always the bad third option. That's all I'm saying.”
“Yeah. Yeah exactly. That's how I feel about it too. So... thanks for listening, Sparrow. Again.“
“Oh! Yes! Any time!“
Sparrow smiled, and Zarria flashed a smile back. “Good night. Happy meditating.“ She swung herself down out of the tree, and she heard Sparrow wish her “Sleep well!“ as her feet hit the ground.
The last of the fire had turned to ember. It shouldn’t have made a difference, but still, as Zarria walked back to her bedroll, the air felt colder. It felt wrong for her to say Koroviev deserved to die--who was she to cast that sort of judgement over someone else’s life?--but the thought of, in the near future, there being a glimmering chance of Koroviev no longer being alive lifted a weight from her shoulders that made it that much easier to sleep.