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Regulus couldn’t breathe. He could feel his chest tightening and he was starting to feel lightheaded. He clawed at his jumper. He couldn’t breathe, he needed it off. He vaguely heard someone standing up, padding across the room to his bed. The person was speaking but Regulus couldn’t hear anything over the sound of the blood rushing in his ears. Why hadn’t he done better? He had his wand, he should have saved him. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, but all he could see was James’s dead body, his glasses askew on his face, his eyes closed as though he was sleeping. Suddenly, Regulus was crying, the sobs crawling out of his throat, threatening to choke him. There was a hand rubbing circles into his back. Regulus could do nothing but hope that he soon joined the boy he had failed to save, maybe he would be peaceful in death.
24 Hours Before
Regulus could feel his fingers moving but the movements were so familiar he didn’t have to think about them, his hands running smoothly over the piano keys, relying on muscle memory. He snuck a look at the boy sitting next to him. James Potter was the picture of perfection. He was smart, kind, beloved by the entire school and for some reason Regulus couldn’t fathom, he was his. Just to be sure, he leaned over and kissed him slowly, gently. James immediately reciprocated, deepening the kiss, running his hands through Regulus’s hair, Regulus’s own hands had removed themselves from the piano and found their way under James’s shirt.
“Are you sure I’m not dreaming?” James asked, pulling away from Regulus to stare into his eyes. For a moment, Regulus was sucked into James’s hazel eyes, his mind blank. He had to blink himself back to reality.
“If this was going to be anyone’s dream, it would most definitely be mine.” Regulus replied, moving to lay his head against James’s shoulders. James cupped his head with one hand and his other moved to hold Regulus’s own.
“Tell me another story about the stars.” James said, softly. Regulus lifted his head.
“Okay, but we have to go outside so you can pick one.” They both stood up but neither dropped the other’s hand. James picked up his invisibility cloak and threw it over the two of them. It was the middle of night, well past curfew, so they moved slowly, silently until they made it to the boundary line of the Forbidden Forest. If they stayed just inside it, no one could see them from the castle.
“Which star tonight?” This was Regulus’s favourite pastime. He and James would lie on the ground, facing the stars, holding hands and James would ask Regulus to tell him the story of a particular star. Regulus had always been interested in Greek Mythology, ever since Andromeda had secretly sent him a book about all the myths when he was about 10. He’d had to hide it in a loose floorboard in his bedroom at home because if his mother saw it, she would definitely punish him. When he arrived at Hogwarts, the first thing he did was check out all the books on Greek Mythology from the library, which was disappointingly not very many, so he had written to Andromeda, asking her to send him more.
“That one.” James pointed. Regulus followed his finger and saw he was pointing to the constellation Scorpius.
“That’s a good one.” Regulus explained, “It goes with that one over there, Orion. The story says that Orion was a mighty hunter and he vowed to kill every animal on earth. This upset Gaia, who was the goddess of the earth and also the protector of all animals. So, she sent a giant scorpion called Scorpius to kill Orion before he could kill the animals. Scorpius attacked Orion with his giant stinger and as a reward, Gaia placed him in the night sky, where he can be honoured forever. Orion was also placed in the sky and Scorpius can be seen chasing Orion. Orion is seen alone in the winter, but once spring comes, Scorpius rises, pushing Orion out of the sky.”
“I like that one. I like how you tell it.” James turned his head to smile. Regulus just about melted. He could look into those hazel eyes for all eternity. He didn’t know how long they lay like that, hands entwined, Regulus’s head on James’s shoulder, but eventually the sun started to rise, and they had to leave.
“Will I see you tomorrow?” Regulus asked.
“I can’t tomorrow, I have a prior engagement.”
“Is this the same prior engagement as last month?” Regulus asked, raising an eyebrow at James.
“Maybe.” James smirked back.
James placed a kiss on Regulus’s forehead. Regulus tilted his head to kiss his lips, sliding his tongue into his mouth.
“I love you, Regulus.”
“Forever?” Regulus asked, his head safely in the crook of James’s neck.
“Forever.” James kissed the top of Regulus’s head, and they walked back up to the castle, hand in hand until the moment they walked through the door. They went their separate ways without another word, but as Regulus reached the end of the corridor, he looked back one last time and was met with James’s hazel eyes staring back at him from the other end. He gave him a smile and walked away.
18 Hours Before
Regulus made his way to the dungeons and immediately crawled into bed for a few hours of sleep. When he awoke, he discovered he had missed breakfast and was five minutes from missing his first lesson. He rushed to get up and scrambled around for his clothes and books.
He made it to his transfiguration class just as Professor McGonagall was walking towards the classroom. She raised his eyebrow at him.
“Cutting it a bit fine, aren’t we, Mr Black?”
“Sorry, Professor.” Regulus said, before rushing into the classroom and taking his seat in between Barty and Evan.
“Where were you at breakfast?” Barty asked, out the corner of his mouth.
“Overslept.” Regulus mumbled back, wishing he was still asleep.
“Oh yeah, where were you last night?” Evan smirked at him.
“In bed, sound asleep.” Regulus returned.
“Was it the same place you were the night before?” Barty questioned. Regulus was too tired for this interrogation, so he just lay his head down in his hands and waited for the lesson to be over.
The day passed far too slowly. By the time dinner finally rolled around, Regulus was ready to crash. He opted to skip dinner and instead curl up in one of the armchairs in the common room, reading a book. He didn’t get very far before his eyelids started getting heavy and his head slumped against his shoulder.
“Wake up!” Regulus’s eyes snapped open and found his nose was almost touching Evan’s.
“Arghh!” He screamed, jumping back, “What the hell, man?”
Evan didn’t answer, he was too busy laughing. Barty stepped forward, handing Regulus a folded napkin.
“Here, dessert was millionaire shortbread. I know it’s your favourite, so I saved you some.” Barty looked shy, though Regulus couldn’t work out why.
“Thanks.” He said, taking the napkin and tearing off a piece of the shortbread.
Barty and Evan sat down on the sofa and started pulling out their homework, settling in for a night of studying. Regulus let his mind wander back to last night, James’s hands running through his hair, his lips on Regulus’s own. He remembered a conversation from a couple months ago.
“When you live with me, you can have your room any colour you like.” Regulus was telling James how his parents would only let him have his room green for Slytherin.
“What do you mean?” Regulus had asked.
“Well, now that I’ve got you, I’m certainly not letting you go back to that house ever again. I’ve seen your scars; I won’t let you go back.” James had said, looking back into Regulus’s grey eyes.
“Really? I can come live with you? You mean it?” Regulus hadn’t believed him. Sirius was always bound to leave Grimmauld Place, he didn’t belong there. But Regulus never had anywhere else to go, so he’d gotten used to the fact that he would probably die there. And then, James had been staring at him with those hazel eyes, throwing him a lifeline, and Regulus was far too weak not to grab on and never let go.
“Of course I mean it, Reg. You don’t want to go back there, right?” Regulus had shaken his head, “Great, so it’s settled. You’ll come back with me this summer, you and Sirius.”
Regulus was shaken out of his memory by Barty’s voice,
“What did you get for number five, Evan?”
2 Hours Before
At about seven pm, Regulus grew hungry. He decided to walk to the kitchens to grab a snack from the house elves. Halfway through his walk, he bumped into someone rounding a corner. It was James, Regulus would recognise that smile anyway. He was pretty sure it was seared into his mind. He smiled back.
“Hiya, I thought you had a prior engagement?”
“I do, it doesn’t start for another couple hours.”
“I was just going to the kitchens, want to come with?”
“Of course, I was only going to the library, that can definitely wait.” James smiled and looked over his shoulder before grabbing Regulus’s hand.
“So, did you decide what colour you want your new room?”
“They’ll never let me, you know. I won’t just be able to come home with you and they’ll just forget about us. Maybe if it was just Sirius, but not both of us.” Regulus told him, watching his smile disappear.
“What do you mean? You didn’t say anything the last time we talked about it. You seemed all for it.” James dropped his hand and stopped, turning to look at Regulus.
“I know, but I’ve had time to think about it now. They’ll kill you before letting me go and I could never let that happen.” Regulus looked into those hazel eyes and almost felt himself giving into the fantasy, but he couldn’t. He could never let anyone harm James.
James furrowed his brow, shaking his head.
“We’ll protect you. Nothing will happen, I promise.”
“You can’t promise that, they’ll…”
“Kill me, yes I know, you’ve said.” James was growing more agitated, “But there’s no way in hell I’m letting you go back there.”
“I’ll be fine, I’ve survived fourteen years there so far.” James was shaking his head, Regulus just sighed.
“That’s just it though, you’ve been barely surviving. Don’t you remember when you came back after Christmas with those cuts on your back.” James’s voice was rising, Regulus could feel himself growing hot, getting more exasperated.
“Of course I remember that.” He spat at James, “I was the one who couldn’t lie on his back for a week. I’m the one who has to go back there, while you get to go home to your loving parents.”
James’s face grew red, “I know that, Reg, that’s why I’m trying to help!” He was almost yelling now.
“Well, you can’t!” Regulus shouted. He spun on his heels and marched back down the corridor, no longer hungry. He stormed back into the common room and ignored Barty and Evan’s questions in favour of crawling into bed and staring at the ceiling.
Why didn’t James just drop it. He had to go back there. He had no doubt in his mind that Walburga would kill anyone who stood in the way of her perfect heir. Even though Sirius hadn’t been officially disowned, Regulus knew it was only a matter of time. Walburga already thought of him as the heir. He was the one who was presented to every pureblood family at galas, and he was the one who was introduced to all new and potential death eaters. He was the one who wouldn’t be allowed to run away. Regulus couldn’t let James be hurt for him, that was not an option, even if it meant returning to Grimmauld Place every summer, even if it meant he died there.
Regulus continued to stare at the ceiling until he had calmed down, his rational mind returning to him. He glanced at his watch and saw that he still had twenty minutes before James’s prior engagement. He got up to go apologise to him.
20 Minutes Before
He had only been walking for about 10 minutes before he ran into James. This time, James literally ran into him.
“Woah, slow down, what’s the rush?” Regulus said, pulling James up from the ground, who looked unusually pale.
“I have to save Snape.” He gasped. He looked like he was in shock, but he got up and continued running, Regulus sprinting alongside him.
“What do you mean? What’s going on?”
“Remus is a werewolf and your prick of a brother just told Snape how to get past the Whomping Willow and he’s going to die. I have to save him.” He said, in between breaths.
Regulus didn’t know how to respond. He had so many questions. How could Remus be a werewolf? How did Sirius know? How did James know? What’s past the Whomping Willow? Before he could ask any of these questions though, they were at the tree. James picked up a rock and chucked it at the base. The branches suddenly stopped moving. James didn’t stop to look, he sprinted forward and ran into a tunnel that had appeared. Regulus was hot on his heels.
“No, Reg, stay here. Do not move.” James turned to face him, panic clear in his eyes. “I can’t save him if you’re there. Please, just stay here.” Regulus just nodded, mute and terrified. James disappeared down the tunnel.
Regulus’s mind cleared and he could finally think again. He realised that if Remus really was a werewolf, he must be down the tunnel and James had just run in blindly, Regulus didn’t even see his wand. Ignoring James’s words, he sprinted down after him.
Just as he burst through a door at the other end, he saw the body of Severus Snape crash into the wall next to his head. He was covered in blood, with deep bite marks all over his visible skin. His mouth was open as though he had been screaming, but it was obvious he was dead. Then he heard a noise that made his heart stop; James’s screaming. The noise was full of pain and Regulus felt panic shooting up and down him. He didn’t think, just ran to the source. All he could think was not James, not James.
He reached the upper floor. He saw a huge wolf, standing on its hind legs, blood was dripping down its snout, into its fur. It was howling. Regulus pulled out his wand and started shooting curse after curse at the thing. Just as it had started to pounce on him, he heard the door slam open and saw Dumbledore. The professor took one look at the scene around him, and wordlessly cast the killing curse. The wolf went down immediately, dead before it hit the floor. Regulus could see Dumbledore’s mouth moving but couldn’t hear anything he was saying. He had spotted James, lying on the floor. Regulus collapsed to his knees and crawled over to James.
“No, no, wake up. Wake up! WAKE UP!” Regulus was shaking James. Why wasn’t he waking up? Regulus felt hands close around his shoulders, “No, get off me. GET OFF ME!” He yelled so loud, the person let go. He flung himself over James and sobbed. He cried for the boy who made him feel so loved, he believed he could do anything. He cried for the boy who healed his wounds and held him while he shook. He cried for the boy who cared for him so deeply, he gave Regulus a reason to live. But most importantly, he cried for the boy who had the sun in his heart, who was so bright and happy, you couldn’t help but feel happy just being near him.
Eventually, the person tried again, and Regulus was being carried out of the shack. He was led all the way to the hospital wing and put in a bed.
The door flung open, flooding the room in light. Regulus looked up into the eyes of his brother. He felt his vision go red from anger. He stood up, wand in hand and faced Sirius.
“You killed him. James is dead and it’s your fault.” Regulus shot a curse at his brother, who took it. He was hurled across the room and slammed into the closed door. He fell into a crumpled heap and his body was shaking with sobs. Regulus felt nothing, no empathy or pity for the boy who was no longer his brother. Madam Pomfrey ran out at the sound and immediately ran to the boy on the floor.
Just then, the door opened again, and McGonagall walked in. She looked at Regulus with pity in her eyes, then noticed Sirius, bleeding on the floor. She looked back to Regulus and saw the wand in his hand. She raised her own wand and shot handcuffs at Regulus. He dropped his wand, as his hands were bound together. She then led him back into bed.
“I’m so sorry, Mr Black, but I shan’t let you hurt him.”
Regulus sat cross legged on the bed. He couldn’t breathe. Just as someone was rubbing circles on his back, a potion was tipped down his throat. His final thoughts before he blacked out all featured a boy with messy hair, round rimmed glasses and a heart so big, it had managed to love Regulus.