Chapter Text
To say that uprooting his life and moving to Massachusetts was an adjustment would be something of an understatement.
Hoagie considered himself someone that could go with the flow and adapt easily to most situations. He was a problem solver, a lover of mysteries, after all. Learning new things was his thing. So the move was exciting, of course, but it was genuinely bizarre going from him living in his childhood home in Cleveland with his family to rooming in a cramped two-bedroom apartment with Wally in Cambridge. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t miss home. He worried about his mom and brother all the time, making sure to call them as often as he could to check in. Although he never really had to text Tommy since his brother was constantly pinging his phone with random hourly updates. More than anything, he missed his mom's cooking–Hoagie wasn’t a picky eater by any means, but there's only so much takeout he can stand before he starts to crave the comforts of a home-cooked meal.
Still, it was fun. He could get used to having the freedom to do what he wanted whenever he wanted. Living with Wally was fun, too.
Well. Most of the time.
Rooming with Wally reminded him of childhood. The memories are faint, but he can distinctly recall him, Wally, and the girls always sleeping over at each other's house or…a tree house? He always remembers a tree house, but that didn’t make sense, so he assumes his memories get mixed up sometimes.
The point is it was nostalgic. Familiar, even. Living together like this brought out an instinct he didn’t know was in them, where they both seemed to understand already how the other person liked to live, which made the transition easier, admittedly. They enjoyed each other's company– playing video games and screwing around like they enjoyed doing. Getting drunk and talking through the night–but also knowing when the other needed space to recharge.
That said, Wally was kind of a pain in the ass to live with sometimes.
He says it with love in his heart, of course, but the guy clearly has no idea how to take care of himself. Hoagie wasn’t about to pretend he was a perfect picture of responsible adulthood, but Hoagie got tired of picking up after him so often. Wally was a messy guy–leaving his clothes everywhere, dishes in the sink, and often didn’t know how to keep the noise down, resulting in many mornings, and sometimes nights, where Hoagie wakes with a jolt to Wally’s shitty music blasting from his room.
In fairness, Hoagie will admit that he knows Wally doesn’t mean to frustrate him with this stuff. Some of it is out of Wally’s control–like his ADHD, often causing him to put the dishes in the sink with the intent to wash, only to become distracted by something on TV. The general unwillingness to clean was partly unintentional as well since all Hoagie has seen Wally do since moving is go to school, go to work, and then hit the books. He didn’t seem to have time to pick up after himself, let alone energy. Hoagie could understand that–MIT sucked up much of his time and energy as well, so he could only imagine what pre-med was doing to Wally.
He still managed to do the laundry, though.
Maybe he was nitpicking.
Or maybe it was just a build-up from being subjected to Wally and Kuki being all over each other for a year with absolutely no escape.
Alright, alright, look–He loves them, and, yes, they can be very cute and sweet when they want to be. However, seeing how Hoagie was massively suffering from chronic singledom–and the two being his only close friends in the city– there was truly no getting away from the kissing and the touching and the pet names and ugh . What's worse was Kuki was basically unofficially living in their apartment. Sure, she had her dorm on campus, but she spent most of her time at their place. Hoagie didn’t mind this–he liked spending time with Kuki– but it meant he was subjected to being a third wheel in his own home.
At least when Abby was around, he had someone to talk to while they acted obnoxious. She was always down to tease them when they got that way.
Speaking of Abigail.
Hoagie is, like, super over her. Like, for real.
He missed her plenty, don’t get him wrong, but as far as emotions were concerned, he was confident that the thousands of miles of space between them allowed Hoagie to squash his silly little crush. No more one-sided romance for Hoagie P. Gilligan jr., thank you very much. He found talking to her through the veil of technology helped cover some of the awkwardness he had trouble avoiding when they still saw each other in person. It was easier to talk to Abby when she wasn’t staring him down with her dark, beautiful, all-knowing eyes.
At first, of course. Like he said, he’s totally over her.
He did miss her, though. Wally and Kuki did, too– it wasn’t the same talking to her on social media or through their group chats, especially since she lived in a widely different time zone. Oftentimes it turned into a test of his patience with how he had to wait hours before seeing a reply to anything he sent her. He’s gotten used to it by this point, but it still sucked. It just solidified the fact that she was really far away from him. It was an uncomfortable feeling that never truly left him when they finally separated, especially considering the fact that they hadn’t really been apart like this before. Hoagie didn’t think himself to be a clingy person, but he couldn’t deny the antsy feeling in his chest that only dulled slightly as the months passed.
Still, the space was good. Hoagie couldn’t stop acting like an ass when they were still around each other. He was honestly fine until Wally called him out of his small baby crush last winter, pulling his shameful secret out into the open and forcing himself to confront its existence. It became harder to suppress his feelings after that, which meant it was harder to hide his obviously awkward behavior from Abby. Unfortunately, Abby isn’t an idiot, so she was quick to pick up on his change in behavior.
He knows this because she all but confronted him at her New Year's Eve party last year.
Hoagie had admittedly been acting Extra Awkward then–He was still reeling from the news that she was going to move to Paris for school in a few short months, so it wasn’t too unbelievable that Abby keyed in on his minor emotional breakdown. He just hadn’t expected her to confront him then. Though maybe he should have seen it coming. Hoagie had been lightly avoiding her to process the heartbreak that had shocked him with how deeply it raddled him. By the time the party arrived, he had done what he had liked to call “Pulling A Wally.”
Which meant he got stupid drunk and made an ass of himself.
Hoagie was someone who could hold his liquor fairly well, which meant he had to either drink a lot or drink something very potent to get going. Wally had been tasked with being something of a bartender that night–something he complained about endlessly to anyone who would listen– so he had been more than willing to mess around and make Hoagie whatever weird drink he could with the ingredients available to him. This included, but was not limited to, a pinot noir with cranberry juice, Peanut Butter whiskey mixed with banana whiskey and chocolate soda, ranch-flavored soda with gin, and the infamous vodka mixed with half ‘n half.
The last one caused Hoagie to puke on Cree’s lap.
Which, might he add in his defense, was a total accident because she was not sitting there when Wally had started making the drink. So naturally, when Hoagie felt his body reject the drink, he turned to a place he thought he knew no one was sitting since he knew in his heart of hearts there was no way he could make it to the sink.
Anyway, the point is it was an accident, but it pissed Cree off, which meant Abby got pissed off as well. What was worse, Wally high-tailed it out of the kitchen as soon as the girls started yelling, leaving Hoagie to suffer, but not before laughing his ass off at Hoagie up-chucking all over Cree’s jeans. Hoagie could only hang his head in shame–he offered to help Cree clean up, but she swore at him and slapped him away, stomping her feet out of the kitchen to likely change. Hoagie slipped away after that, finding the backyard mostly empty of partygoers since it was still freezing cold. He dropped himself on a chair, removing his goggles and hat while closing his eyes as he let the cold air sting his warm face. The bitter weather and the throwing up sobered Hoagie up some, though he was definitely still feeling nauseous. At the very least, he could hose down any vomit out here if it came down to it.
His pity party was short-lived, as Abby found him not long after arriving.
He gave a weak wave. She still looked annoyed.
“Hey,” He tried, throat rasping as he spoke.
“You feeling better?” She asked, arms crossed over her chest. Hoagie assumed this was less because of her being mad and more because it was cold. He shrugged in response.
“I’m getting there.” He said. He gestured to the empty lawn chair beside him, which felt stupid because it was Abby’s house, so if she wanted to sit, she would.
She did. Hoagie found himself missing the days when he didn’t overthink every interaction he had with his best friend.
Abby crossed her legs as she rubbed her hands together.
“You wanna talk about it?” Hoagie shrugged.
“Not much to talk about.” He sighed. “I got carried away, I know, and I’m embarrassed. I really feel bad for puking on Cree. Seriously, it was a total accident. I didn’t know she was there.”
Abby chuckled–which surprised him, admittedly.
“Cree’ll be fine,” She said with a wave of her hand. “Pissed, sure, but she’s been obnoxious all break since she got a new boyfriend. Not a bad time to humble her.”
“Oh,” Hoagie blinked, relaxing a bit in his seat. “Cool…uh–then why did you get so mad before? Was it a ‘sister’ thing?”
“ Not a ‘sister’ thing,” Abby said in that way that suggested it might be a sister thing. “It was a ‘you’ thing.”
“A ‘Me’ thing?”
“You heard me.”
“How is it a ‘Me’ thing? I cleaned it up!” Hoagie sputtered. He cleaned everything except Cree’s pants, which was only because she wouldn’t let him. Abby rolled her eyes, knocking her hat back just enough so they could make eye contact.
“Not about cleaning. Look, I’ve been trying to be cool about this because I thought if I was patient, you might open up on your own and talk to me, but that hasn’t been the case, so I’m ripping the bandaid off.”
“...Wha…What’re you talking about?” Hoagie asked slowly, feeling his heart start to speed up and his stomach begins to twist.
“I don’t know, that's the problem.” Abby said, eyes boring into his soul. “You’ve been acting really weird, Hoagie.”
“What? Come on. No, I haven't…” He said weakly, looking down at his goggles as he picked at the peeling pleather.
“Yes, you have,” she said firmly but not unkindly. Abby didn’t seem mad–more concerned when he thought about it, which was nice on her part but only served to make him feel bad because he wasn’t trying to make her worry. Abby leaned forward, arms resting on her knees as she looked at him.
“Don’t think I haven’t noticed you trying to avoid me lately. Are you mad at me? Because if you are, I'd like to know about it.” Hoagie’s head snapped up, and he shook his head quickly.
“No! No, no–no way, dude. I’m not mad at you.” He said firmly.
“Okay,” she nodded. “If you’re not mad, then what's the problem?”
“Direct as ever,” he thought.
“I…It’s…” Hoagie rubbed his face, trying to think–which was hard when his brain felt soft. “It’s nothing. Seriously, I’m just…dealing with some personal shit, you know? Trying to balance school with life and all that…”
Abby pressed her lips in a firm line, which Hoagie read as her being annoyed by his answer. Abby was really hard to lie to–in part because he never needed to lie to her and because she was very sharp, always able to zero in on people's tone and body language, which made lying to her harder since they’d been friends for a thousand years. Hoagie watched Abby for a moment, expression unreadable as she leaned back into her seat, the lawn chair creaking weakly as she did so. She removed her hat, dusting off the brim of her cap.
“...Look, I…I was talking to Wally a few days ago, and…” Abby paused, brows furrowed before she shook her head. “...You know what, nevermind–It doesn’t matter.”
“Huh? No,” Hoagie replied, knuckles lightly hitting the arm of her chair. “Come on, don’t leave me hanging. What's up..?”
Abby was quiet for a moment, considering her words.
“...Are you upset that I’m leaving?” She asked softly, almost hesitantly. It was the first time since sitting down that she didn’t look him in the eye, keeping her gaze down at her cap. Hoagie swallowed hard, trying to find the best way to answer.
“...I mean,” He gave a soft dry laugh. “Obviously, I’m not thrilled that you’ve moving away. If I had it my way, you, me, Kuki, and Wally wouldn’t need to live thousands of miles apart. But I’m not… mad at you for going.”
Abby glanced up at him briefly, brows furrowed. He watched her quietly, waiting for some kind of response before she spoke again.
“You know, I was thinking,” she said slowly. “Maybe I…jumped the gun with the whole–going to school in Paris thing.”
Hoagie stared at her, his brain having a hard time understanding what she was saying.
“Wha…what do you mean ‘jumped the gun’?” Abby sighed, shrugging uselessly.
“I mean…Maybe I got a little too…I don't know, excited by the idea of living in Paris. Reality is always different from daydreams, and I’m thinking maybe I should…reconsider it.”
“ Reconsider ?” Hoagie practically choked. “Why would you do that? You–You said so yourself that it's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity..!”
“I know, but…I have family that lives there.” She shrugged. “It's not like I’ll never visit again. And who knows, maybe living there won't be as fun as visiting–And my French is really rusty.”
“You got an ‘A’ in every French language class you took, Abby.”
“Whatever–My point is…” Abby swallowed hard, petting her hat absently. “My point is…I don’t have to go. Besides, it's hard picturing going through my day-to-day without you around.”
Hoagie couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He almost wondered if it was his drunk brain misinterpreting what she was saying. He didn’t understand why she was suddenly backtracking. She had been so excited before–
Hoagie’s thoughts screeched to a halt.
“I don’t have to go,” She had said. It wasn’t that she suddenly didn’t want to go anymore, he realized. Hoagie wondered–was she saying that if he asked…she would stay? That baffled him because–Abby was so excited to leave for Paris. Why would she suddenly switch gears like that?
However…
She would stay, and he could keep his best friend..? He won't have to be left behind while everyone travels out into the world, achieving great things? He can maintain the comfortable dynamic that they’ve had all their lives.
Hoagie could selfishly keep her in their small town all to himself. Their small town where his biggest rival was Ace, who Abby had little interest in, to begin with, instead of the whole country of France, where Hoagie would have to fight every man and woman who’d want Abby as a girlfriend.
It was right there–Hoagie didn’t have to lose her.
Hoagie shifted in his seat, gripping his goggles a little tight as he glanced down at his lap.
“You…” He muttered, shaking his head lightly. “You should go.”
“...Really?” Abby said after a moment, shifting in her seat to face him. “Why?”
“...Why?”
“Yeah, why?”
“What do you mean ‘why’?” Hoagie asked, visibly confused.
“I mean, why should I go?” She replied. “I’m just–I’m confused because you seemed pretty upset that I was leaving. So I don’t really understand why you think I should go.”
“It’s–I mean, it's not really my place, right?”
“We’ve been friends since we were little kids–You’ve never been shy about telling me your opinions.” She countered.
“Abby, come on, does it really matter?” Hoagie sighed, rubbing his face, frustrated with being so heavily grilled. The truth was, at that moment, he didn’t have a good enough reason to tell her why he thought she should go when all he really wanted was for her to stay. He was also surprised by his answer, but he couldn’t think of anything to tell her.
“Yes, it does,” She snapped, which shocked his attention back to her. “You’ve been acting weird by avoiding me and…and now you’re telling me to leave –are you trying to get rid of me or something?”
“Get rid of you?!” Hoagie sputtered, sitting up quickly in distress. “Abby, that’s literally insane–”
“Then why are you acting like this?” She demanded.
“I–I’m not–I’m not acting like anything!”
“ Yes, you –God, you know what,” Abby threw her hands up, standing up from the chair with annoyance. “Whatever, I don’t care.”
“What–Abby come on–” Hoagie stood up fast, almost losing his balance.
“No, I’m over it.” she frowned, crossing her arms with an irritated shrug. “If you don’t want to talk to me, I can’t make you.”
Before Hoagie could get another word out, she had already stormed back into her house.
After the party, Hoagie was left more confused than ever over the interaction, but about one thing, he was certain. He was going to get over his crush. He could see how his stupid little feelings were already negatively affecting his relationship with Abby, which just simply wasn’t going to happen if Hoagie had anything to say about it. His New Years' Resolution would be to get over her and return to normal. Thus, Hoagie made a very purposeful effort not to avoid her anymore.
Abby had only made one comment about their argument–she said she had been stressed out and was sorry for snapping but offered nothing more. Hoagie, for his part, lied and said he didn’t remember much to begin with, allowing the affair to be water under the bridge.
Her strong reaction, and his surprise recommendation that she should leave, still weighed on his mind.
Hoagie rattled his brain for ages trying to think why he would tell her to leave. He didn’t want her to go, and it was a prime opportunity for him to get her to consider staying. These days Hoagie was able to convince himself that it was because the space would allow his crush to melt away, but he didn’t come to that conclusion until a month after she left.
Hoagie tried not to allow himself to think about it, even though the question gnawed on him endlessly. It helped that moving to a new state and school was a healthy distraction from his overbearing thoughts. MIT was a lot more challenging than his community college, so Hoagie didn’t have much time to worry over his stupid comment.
Regardless, Hoagie was glad that he had decided to stop avoiding her. Partly because he found that he had missed her and because he realized that he had very little time left with Abby before she had to leave the country. He did not want to waste what time they had acting like a jackass. He was perfectly happy keeping their relationship on a friend level, even if Wally acted like Hoagie was full of shit every time he insisted upon it.
Speaking of Wallabee freakin’ Beetles.
Hoagie was stuck on the couch with Kuki at his side, clinging to his arm and yammering on and on for the millionth time about how badly she wanted Hoagie to ask out Abigail. He glared at Wally, who was sitting in their creaky chair playing a video game, ignoring him.
“I hate you,” Hoagie said to him. Wally shrugged.
“I already said sorry.”
“You literally did not!” Hoagie gasped. “I trust you with my secret, and you blabbed it!”
“I don’t know what to tell you, man,” Wally shrugged, pressing the buttons on his controller hard. “Kuki and me made a deal to not keep secrets anymore, and that was a secret.”
“It was MY secret! It had nothing to do with you both!”
“I don’t make the rules, buddy.”
Betrayal. Absolute betrayal.
The second Kuki found out about his crush, she took every chance she got to try and convince him to confess to her because ‘it would be so so fun to double date and you would be so so cute together.’
“Kuki–Kuki please,” Hoagie groaned, pulling his arm from her grasp. “I’m begging you to let this go.”
“But you two would be SO cute together!” She whined. “And think about how fun it would be if we all were dating..!”
“And think about how awful it’d be if it didn’t work out,” Hoagie shot back. “I’m not risking that. And besides, I’m super over her.”
Wally groaned loudly, throwing his head back.
“I’m so over hearing about you’re ‘over her’.” He said, turning off his game when his character died. “If you were so over her, you wouldn’t have to mention it so much.”
“I wouldn’t have to mention it if Kuki didn’t bring it up all the time!”
“I bring it up because I know you’re lying!” Kuki pouted, crossing her arms as she laid back on the couch. “I can sense these things, Hoagie–I think you two would work out.”
“That’s great, Kuki–It’s not gonna happen.” He replied, moving off the couch to get away from her.
“Kuki, let it go,” Wally said, moving to take Hoagie’s place on the couch to lay next to his girlfriend, wrapping his arms around her small frame. “I’ve bothered him about it enough. He’s not gonna crack.”
“I’ll make him crack,” She said ominously.
“No! No cracking!” Hoagie exclaimed, throwing his arms out wide. “And can you guys please drop this subject when Abigail comes here?”
In France, there was a holiday called All Saints Day in which the schools allowed their students to take a two-week holiday. Hoagie didn’t know much about it–it seemed like it was a religious holiday–but it meant that Abigail was taking time off to come home for a short while. She intended to spend the first week at home with her parents and sister before spending the last week with them. Abigail would stay at his and Wally’s apartment for the duration of her stay, so the last thing he needed was being grilled by Wally and Kuki about his crush where she could hear.
“Of course, we’ll drop it,” Kuki said, cuddling up against Wally. “It’s not romantic if she finds out through us gossiping.”
“Great. Thanks.” Hoagie huffed, crossing his arms.
“Now you made him huffy,” Wally muttered into Kuki’s hair.
“I’m not huffy.”
“You’re a little huffy.” Kuki winced.
“Don’t you have a bedroom to be cuddly in?” Hoagie exclaimed. “Must I be subjected to your PDA in every corner of my home?”
Kuki giggled, shifting to look at Wally, who had managed to knock out almost as soon as he got comfortable with Kuki.
“Oh–He’s sleeping.” She whispered, kissing his forehead. “I think we’re gonna be here for a while. Sorry.”
Well, that was fine, he thought. Hoagie mostly tried to give them a hard time because they picked on him. Hoagie moved to put away the video game Wally had left out, trying to find it in him not to be annoyed that he didn’t pick up after himself.
“I’ve been catching him sleeping in weird places lately.” He pointed out. “Is he doing alright?”
Kuki petted Wally’s messy hair with a sort of tenderness he didn’t think existed outside of movies.
“He’s been really tired lately,” She said softly. “He’s been trying to stay on top of his courses while working at the bar. I think he’s stretching himself thin, but he won’t admit it.”
“Sounds like Wally,” Hoagie said.
“You know he’s thinking of taking courses during winter and summer break?”
“That does not sound like Wally.”
“I know,” Kuki giggled, fingers playing with Wally’s hair. “I think he’s trying to speed up his time at school.”
“Never thought I’d live to see the day where Wallabee Beetles became an academic overachiever.” Kuki covered her mouth in an attempt to muffle her laugh.
“I know . He’s really committed to this medical school thing. I’m proud of him, but I wish he’d give himself a break.”
“You know how he is when he gets hyper-fixated on stuff.” Hoagie said, taking a seat in the creaky chair Wally had been in prior. “That’s why he’s got you to keep him in line.”
Kuki smiled blissfully, holding back a small laugh when Wally grumbled in his sleep.
“I know it seems like I’m being a bit pushy,” Kuki said softly, fingers delicately stroking Wally’s hair. “But I really do mean it when I say I think you two would be good together. You’re such a great guy, Hoagie– Abby would be so lucky to have you.”
To Kuki’s credit, he didn’t think she was lying. She was always supportive of Hoagie’s romantic endeavors, even getting personally offended if a girl didn’t want to go on a date with him. While it was sweet, Hoagie was deeply uninterested in exposing his heart to expectations that could lead to heartbreak.
“Why don’t you want to give it a chance?” She asked with wide, gentle eyes. “Do you really think if you didn’t work out that it would ruin your whole relationship?”
“I don’t know,” He sighed, having grabbed the TV remote, fiddling with it to give his hands something to do. “I guess I don’t really want to find out.”
“Are you worried she’d reject you?” Kuki asked, nailing him where it hurts.
“A bit of both?” Hoagie offered with a groan, rubbing the side of his face. “Is it so wrong that I don’t want to be turned down?”
“Of course not,” She said with ease. “But you’ll never know unless you try. The worst thing she could do is say no–and it’s not like Abby would be mean about it.”
“Kuki, look…I get what you’re trying to do, but Abigail has a type , okay?” Hoagie was fully facing Kuki now, the remote abandoned on the cheap coffee table he and Wally had found on the side of the road. “I’m a witness to her dating history. Abigail dates people who are…not unlike her, okay? People who are cool and don’t get over-excited about their interests–Kind of like Wally’s friend Ashe! You know?”
“ You’re cool,” Kuki said with easy confidence. “AND it’s good to get excited about things you like!! People who act too cool to like things are boring–and Abby isn’t like that at all. I promise I’ll drop it when she visits, but I really think you’re being a big ol’ debbie downer about this.”
“I appreciate it, Kuki,” he said in an effort to be kind. “But the thing is–I’m over her. I promise. So there's no more reason to dwell on this.”
Getting up to head to his room to start getting ready for his later class, Hoagie thought he overheard Kuki mutter, “That’s what you think.”
–
As it turns out, despite living thousands of miles apart and having not seen each other for months on end, as well as managing to go on a few dates to boot–Hoagie was, in fact, not over her.
This much became apparent when he picked Abigail up at the airport.
He’s not sure he could be blamed for this, honestly. How is it his fault that Abigail decided to come back from Paris looking utterly incredible? He’s only a boy, after all. How was he supposed to anticipate this!? She changed her hair, for one–instead of rocking her usual one braid, she allowed her hair to flow with box braids–a style he had seen her do only once before, many years back. Unlike Cree, who always kept her hair short but wild and free, Abby usually liked it long but maintained, so this was a major change from what Hoagie was used to seeing. He was just thankful she still had on her usual red cap, as it made it easy to identify her.
Come to think of it, she didn’t really look that different. Aside from the drastic hair change (which looked amazing on her, and Hoagie could already foresee a problem with him staring at her), there wasn’t a whole lot else that was new. She had her hat, her usual laidback wardrobe with white sneakers and small hoop earrings she liked to wear. There was a kind of glow to her that Hoagie could only assume came from living in the city of lights for as long as she has–although maybe that was in his head, in which case, he needs to get his brain examined.
Hoagie didn’t have a lot of time to recover before Abby ran towards him, throwing her arms around him in the tightest hug she could muster. It shocked Hoagie back to earth, allowing him to realize that she was actually here with him right now, and before he knew it, he was hugging her back just as tightly, his worries thrown to the wayside.
“I missed you so much,” Abby said, squeezing him with all her might. It was the first thing she had chose to say to him and the comment made his heart swell in a way that was hard to ignore.
“I missed you too,” He breathed, swallowing his nerves. “You–You look great..!”
“Do I?” She asked, pulling away, at last, her hands finding her hair. “Be honest–It's different, but I thought I’d give it a try.”
“No, no! It looks– really good!” Hoagie said, the words stumbling out of him.
“You’re sweet,” She winked. “You look good too.”
Breath, breath, breath–
Hoagie made quick work of grabbing her bags, needing to do something to take his mind off of how sweaty he suddenly felt. Abigail offered to help, but Hoagie stubbornly refused, pulling her bags all the way to his truck, tossing her larger suitcase in the bed of his Explorer while she placed her smaller bags into the backseat. Hoagie found that, once they got out of the hellscape that was the airport parking lot, that any anxiety he had about driving alone with Abby was ridiculous–Mostly because he got to focus on driving while she talked to him about her plane ride back to America and then her plane ride to Massachuttes. He listened to her go on about the movies they had on the plane, and then the food, and the difference between international flights versus domestic flights. Honestly, Hoagie loved it. To anyone else, Abigail talking in detail about the planes and how they function would probably bore most people, but she knew how much Hoagie loved flying, thus knew that he’d want to hear all about it.
“Look, I even managed to get a couple pictures of the planes,” She said, showing the photos when they were stopped in traffic.
It warmed Hoagie’s heart, the effort she put into committing the information to memory and taking the pictures. Granted, it wasn’t unusual for her to do this–even Kuki, whenever she went to Japan, often took pictures of the planes she boarded for her journey for Hoagie’s amusement. Wally was the only one who never did, stating that, “It’s a plane, mate. They’re all the same.”
No , no, they were not , Wally.
“I think I remember you telling me most domestic flights are Boeing 737s and Airbus 320s, right?” Abigail said, looking through the pictures. “And some international planes are different?”
“Well,” Hoagie started, fingers tapping on the wheel. “Most airlines and smaller international carriers are heavily invested in the smaller airframes and more numerous flights along routes due to how efficient the variant has become since the 1960s, but some bigger airlines opt for bigger planes like the 787s, which are my personal favorite, for domestic service sometimes. There’s also regional carriers that have even smaller planes, like the A319, Embraers, and Canadair regional jets, that are rapidly disappearing from the market. The other wide bodies, like the A380 you were on from France into Atlanta, are almost exclusively for international travel.”
Abigail rested her head against the seat, watching him carry on and on about planes before snorting.
“You’re such a nerd.” Hoagie gasped.
“You asked !!” he exclaimed in offense as she laughed at him.
“I didn’t say it was a bad thing! I knew I was inviting it when I brought it up.” She grinned, hands raised peacefully.
“Unbelievable,” he shook his head, laughing dryly. “You set up a trap for me to talk about my special interest only to bully me .”
“You’re so dramatic.”
“You’re a bully! I think France made you meaner.”
“I’ll make it up to you.” She said with a nonchalant wave of her hand.
Despite the utter injustice, Hoagie couldn’t stop himself from smiling.
–
Hoagie felt more at ease by the time they reached the apartment.
If he was careful not to focus too hard on his weird emotions, talking with Abby felt completely normal. He figured this week would be busy, with all of them hanging out together, that Hoagie won’t have time to be weighed down by his stupid emotions. Having Wally and Kuki to bounce off of helped as well.
Kuki had been waiting at the apartment, it seemed, and had decorated it with ‘welcome home’ themed decorations she got at the local party store. She tackled Abby with a hug, who returned the favor, and clung to her for ages. Wally, she explained, was still in class and would meet with them as soon as he was finished. Kuki pulled Abby to the couch, where she sat her down and occupied her time while Hoagie pulled her bags into the apartment. While the girls caught up, it allowed Hoagie time to recoup and ease any leftover nerves that could be dancing within himself. Once Wally was done with classes, he all but kicked the door down, picking up Abby and spinning her in a hug. He also demanded his souvenir, to which Abby smacked him over the head.
“You have no manners, do you?”
“Not at all. Gimmie.”
With a roll of her eyes, Abby grabbed her backpack, handing them each their little souvenirs from France. For Kuki, she was given what Abigail called Savon de Marille , which apparently meant it was a small bag of traditional hard soaps that France has made since the 1300s–according to Abigail, anyway. Wally was given a small supply of sample-sized French wines and Hoagie and an assortment of random French snacks. Abby had also brought several French candies and cookies for them all to try, which Hoagie had already taken several bites of before putting them away. Wally cracked his little wine shots (his words, not Hoagies) open, already indulging.
“Still hate wine–but French wine might be okay.”
The rest of the night was a blur. All of them pulled Abigail every which way, vying for her attention, eager to soak up what little time they had with their lifelong friend. To her credit, Abigail balanced the three of them very well, as she was just as thrilled to be in the presence of her friends. It wasn’t until long after they had dinner that the group had to call it a night, as Wally was leaning his entire body against Kuki, struggling to stay awake. Saying their goodnights, Kuki walked Wally to his room. When she didn’t come back out, Hoagie let out a sigh.
“Guess she’s staying over again.” He said.
“She does that a lot?”
“Kind of, yeah.” Hoagie nodded. “Not that I mind! It’s just–you know… expensive sometimes.”
“I hear you,” Abigail hummed. “Probably a good thing for tonight at least–I’ve never seen Wally so tired.”
“Oh, he’s been like that for a while now.” Hoagie explained. “He’s working himself to death. He was telling me the other day he was thinking about trying to graduate early. ”
Abigail raised a concerned brow.
“He is? Have you guys told him to chill out?” She asked. “I don’t want him to crash and burn.”
“You know how Wally is,” Hoagie shrugged, grabbing the box of cookies the group had been eating. He took a short walk to the kitchen, where he put the snacks away. “Once he’s set himself a goal, you can’t change his mind. If he starts to crash, we’ll help him out, but until then, he’s gonna do what he’s gonna do.”
Abby followed Hoagie to the kitchen, leaning against the counter as he straightened up.
“I just worry. He hasn’t mentioned anything like that to me–you know, being tired or overworked.”
That tracked, Hoagie thought. Wally was stubborn, and chances are, he didn’t think it was necessary even to bring it up.
“Honestly, I think he’s pretty happy being busy,” Hoagie said, attempting to ease her worries. “It’s kept him out of trouble, for one, but I think he’s really excited by his future prospects. Besides, Kuki’s got a good hold on him. If she felt like he was struggling, she would have said something.”
Hoagie turned to face Abby once he put the last of the snacks away, seeing, just for a split second, a distraught expression. It was gone in a flash, however, and Abigail was quick to change the subject,
“You’re probably right,” she said. “I think I’m just as tired as he is, honestly.”
“O-Oh,” Hoagie blinked. “You uh–yeah, of course, you are. We should get to bed anyway–I know Kuki wanted to get breakfast and give you a tour of Harvard tomorrow.”
“Sounds good,” Abby smiled, walking her way to the couch. “Where are the blankets?”
Hoagie stared and gave a dry laugh, watching Abigail stand in the living room with her hands on her hips.
“No way.”
“No way?” She raised her brow at him.
“You’re not sleeping on the couch. You can have my bed.”
“For the whole week?” Abigail balked. “That’s too much. I don’t need to rob you of your bed.”
“It’s not a big deal! I already cleaned my room out for you, so it's fine. Besides, me and Wally found that couch at a Goodwill, so I don’t think you really want to sleep on it anyway. Just take the bed.”
“But–”
“Take the damn bed, Lincoln.”
Hoagie is pained to report that the expression on Abigail's face, which was something akin to a frustrated pout, was horribly adorable, and he was likely to die on the spot. Thankfully, the pout dropped from her face fairly quickly, replaced with a sigh.
“Fine–I’m letting you win this because I’m too tired to fight you.”
“Good, cause you’d lose anyway.” Hoagie said with a cheeky grin.
“Whatever.” She shook her head.
It felt normal, he thought. And that was really what he wanted.
Normalcy.
Bantering with Abby, gossiping about their friends– it’s like nothing had changed between them. He was happy for this, but especially because there was a risk of them not being as close anymore since Abby lived so far now. Yet, they easily fell back into their old habits. It was relieving, honestly. It was easy for him to put aside any of the fluttering heartbeats and sweaty palms he got around her now because he was just so happy to have her back, even if it was for a little while.
It was going to be a good week.
–
Over the course of the week, the four friends kept busy.
First, there were the school tours–Harvard was, admittedly, more interesting to tour, seeing how it was a 300-year-old building, but Abigail seemed to enjoy visiting both Harvard and MIT. Kuki took Abby to the local shops and cafes while Wally dragged her to the bar he worked at, hooking them up with drinks they were all still legally not allowed to have. Hoagie was never sure how Wally managed to get a job at the bar since he was not yet twenty-one but thought better than to ask. They took Abby to some local museums, the Charles River, and several of the historical locations that Cambridge had to offer. She was introduced to several of their new friends as well.
All in all, they kept busy. They had a blast.
So naturally, at the end of the week, Hoagie had to go ahead and make shit weird.
Since the dreaded Christmas over a year ago, Hoagie has had the outrageously expensive sneakers he bought Abby sitting in his closet collecting dust. They mocked him endlessly, with the stupid holiday wrapping paper burning his eyes. He dropped a lot of money he didn’t have on the limited edition sneakers all because he was a lovesick fool. If it weren’t for Wally pointing out that giving her the shoes would be a declaration of love, he wouldn’t have thought twice about giving them to her. It didn’t feel right returning them either–so he just…had these shoes sitting in his closet, staring at him every time Hoagie had to leave the house for any reason.
It was driving him nuts. They were still in the fancy-ass box they came in as well, so they were taking up floor space that Hoagie could use for himself.
He really should have just returned the damn things.
However, he started to consider giving the shoes to her again. Like a crazy person.
He just needed to be free of them!! They were weighing him down. And that sweet little Japanese woman Kuki showed him once said you should get rid of things that don’t bring you joy, and these shoes brought no joy into Hoagie’s life. Sure, it might be a little odd for him to give her these very specific shoes out of nowhere suddenly, but that's why Hoagie was going to do it on Abby’s last night in town.
You know, like a coward.
And it’s like a metaphor, you know–giving her the shoes will be his way of giving up his weird feelings for her! It's poetic!
At least, that’s what he was telling himself.
Hoagie found the perfect moment when, during their last huzzah, Wally and Kuki did a quick snack run for the night. He knew this was likely the only moment when he would have Abby to himself for the rest of the night, so he took a long drink of the cheap beer Wally had brought out, forcing himself up to grab the shoes. When he came out of his room, he didn’t immediately see Abby in the living room anymore. She had relocated to their sorry excuse of a balcony, leaning on the railing. Swallowing the lump in his throat, Hoagie followed her outside, struggling with holding the box and opening the sliding door, which had the habit of getting stuck when being opened. Abigail thankfully took mercy on him and forced the door open for him.
“Haha… thanks. That thing is really crappy.” He said awkwardly.
“No problem, man.” She chuckled, leaning back on the railing.
“What’re you doing out here?” He asked, following where her eyes looked.
“It’s a clear night, and the sun has almost set,” She said. “I thought it looked pretty.”
Looking out at the purple sky, he saw that she was right. With the sun being almost settled into the earth, the sky was a deep shade of purple with some pink and orange clouds floating among the silhouette of the city. Hoagie and Wally didn’t have the nicest apartment in the world, but a big part of why they rented this place out was because of the view. Hoagie looked back at Abigail, whose expression was one of peace as she was painted with the dark and fading orange of the sun.
“Yeah,” He muttered, unable to take his eyes off her. “It is…”
Abigail looked back at him, smiling. With brows raised, she nodded her head to him.
“What’s that?” she asked, shifting her body to face Hoagie while still leaning against the railing.
“What's what?”
“The box.” Hoagie looked down, cold reality crashing down on him.
“Oh!” He gasped. “Oh–right. The box.”
No turning back now. Be a man, Gilligan!!
Taking a long, deep breath, Hoagie extended his arms, holding the box out to Abigail.
“It’s…It’s for you.”
“For me?” She blinked, accepting the box from him. “You didn’t have to get me anything.”
“I didn’t. Well–Well no, I mean–” he shook his head hard. “I did , but not like–It's from Christmas!”
Abigail didn’t look any less confused, which was fair since Hoagie was stumbling all over himself.
“Christmas?” She asked.
“I mean–Okay,” he breathed out. “I got you this during our last Christmas together–remember the year you told us about Paris? And I….I didn’t give it to you. Mostly because Wally told me it’d be a bad idea because–well, it doesn’t matter what Wally thinks, actually–”
“Hoagie,” Abigail cut him off, chuckling a bit in amusement. “Dude, take a breath .”
He did just that. Thank god he did because Hoagie felt like he was about to pass out. She hasn’t even opened the damn things yet.
“Anyway, uh…just–yeah. Merry Christmas.”
“Thanks…” Abigail said slowly, looking at the Christmas wrapping that’s been an eyesore for Hoagie. She felt around the box, fingers feeling out the paper until they slipped through the folds, tearing at it effortlessly. Hoagie’s heart pounded as she carefully bunched up the paper, setting it on the small, useless table they had on their too-tiny balcony. Abigail's eyes widened when she took in the picture on the box, quickly flipping it open to confirm what was inside it.
“Holy shit,” She blurted out, with eyes the biggest Hoagie’s ever seen them. “Are these–”
“Yeah, they are,” He muttered, rubbing his hands together nervously. A pleasant warmth spread throughout his chest when he saw a smile split on Abigail’s face, replacing his anxiety with ease. She set the box down on the small table, pulling the shoes out in marvel.
“How–” She started, looking at the pair with excitement. “I still have these on my wish list, and they don’t even make them anymore! I can’t believe you–Oh Hoagie, these are way too much money you shouldn’t have–”
“Oh, don’t worry about that,” He waved his hand quickly. “I uh–I got a good deal on them!”
Abigail didn’t seem to notice his lie, still too focused on the fact that she now owned her dream shoes.
“I can’t believe you,” She breathed, laughing in disbelief. “This is the nicest gift I think I’ve ever gotten…Thank you, Hoagie, seriously– Thank you .”
Seeing how happy she was, how Abigail was practically glowing at being given these shoes–it made any and all risks giving them to her worth it. He can’t remember the last time he saw her this excited over a gift. It made him regret not giving them to her in the first place.
“I’m glad you like them,” He said, crossing his arms, feeling the night grow colder as the sun slipped under the earth. “You’re about to be the coolest girl in Paris– people are gonna double take when you walk down those cobblestone streets all–all ‘oh la la! Loot at ze shoes on zat mademoiselle!’ I bet you’ll be a shoe-in for Paris Fashion week!”
Abigail wrinkled her face at his terrible French accent ( Obviously, it's his accent, because the joke was hilarious ), though she couldn’t stop herself from smiling.
“Oh god, don’t ever say that again.” She laughed, looking down at the shoe and stroking it gently. She was quiet for a moment before she looked up, holding the shoes to her chest.
“How come you didn’t give it to me before?”
“Oh…” Hoagie muttered, shuffling in place. “Oh, you know uh….I guess…Well, I was going to, but–Wally got in my head about it, and…Honestly, it doesn’t matter! I’m just glad I can give them to you now.”
Abigail looked at him for a moment, nodding after a moment of thought.
“Okay, then answer me this,” She said, hugging the shoes to her. “Why now?”
“...Why–Why now?” He repeated, blinking.
“Yeah,” She nodded, voice gentle like she was concerned she might scare him off with her prying. “You’ve held on to them all this time…I guess I’m curious why you’re giving them to me now.”
Hoagie felt his mouth run dry. It was his turn to lean on the rail now, unsure what to do with himself. He avoided her gaze the best he could, looking down at the street below at the people walking by, living their lives. Car’s honking and speeding down the street, a small protest for environmental causes happening just up the road–none of the loud urban noises were enough to drown out the beating of his heart, the tapping of his fingertips on the iron rail. The last time Abigail asked him a question like this, she got mad when he beat around the brush. He really didn’t want to make her mad this time. So maybe that’s why he was a little too honest at that moment. Giving up trying to make eye contact with a passerby on the street below, Hoagie let his gaze find Abigail’s.
“I…” He started softly. “I wanted to give them to you because…Because I want to make you happy.”
It was honest–too honest, he realized too late. Their eyes were locked on each other as Hoagie’s words hung over them. Maybe he was stroking out, but he swears he couldn’t hear a single noise coming from the city as they kept their eyes on each other. Time finally settled in when Abigail let out a soft breath of air, breaking their trance as she looked down at the shoes. She swallowed hard, suddenly looking small.
“Oh…” She breathed out, eyes downcast, her grip on the shoes tighter than they were before. “Well, I’m…I’m very happy.”
Something was different, Hoagie noted. Something has shifted, changed. It scared him like he just broke something delicate in his hands–and what was worse, he knew there was nothing he could do to take it back.
Hoagie’s mouth twitched, desperate to say something, anything to fix whatever it was he just did but found no sounds could leave him. He didn’t know if it was a blessing or a curse when the front door slammed shut, and Wally’s voice cut through the tension of the moment, making them both jolt. Abigail was quicker than him to recover, putting the shoes back in the box before lifting up.
“Thank you for the shoes, Hoagie,” She said, already moving past him to reenter the apartment. “It really means a lot.”
All Hoagie could do was nod dumbly, watching her go. When he entered himself, which he did only after Wally yelled at him from the kitchen to come back in, Hoagie still felt the stinging chill of the night air linger on him as he sat in what should have been the warm living room.
–
Early the next morning, the three had taken Abby out to breakfast before delivering her to the airport. Kuki was the only one who seemed to be buzzing with energy, as Wally was chronically tired at this point, and Hoagie was–
Well, if he was asked, he would say he was just tired as well, even a little hung over.
In actuality, he felt like he had pins and needles just under his skin. He spent the better part of the previous night in an anxious haze that had not left him. He tried to dull it by drinking but found that all the alcohol did was make him sick. It gave him a decent excuse for his lower energy, at least. Hoagie spent their breakfast nursing his coffee while picking at a plate of hash browns he felt compelled to order but not eat.
Abigail seemed low energy as well, but then, she was the one who had a long trip back to Paris. At the very least, all four of them seemed united in their sadness at Abigail's departure. Hoagie noticed that Abigail seemed to be avoiding this direct gaze. She wasn’t really ignoring him, but then, neither was he to her. Hoagie likewise couldn’t get himself to look Abby right in the face–Just thinking about it made him uneasy. He had no idea if he was just reading into nothing, which made his stomach turn even worse than it was. He was glad Kuki was always willing to fill any potential silence with chatter and that Wally was too tired to notice anything off about his mood.
He told himself once they had to say their final goodbyes at the airport, he’d put aside his awkward feelings and allow himself to savor the last few seconds he gets to have with his best friend.
Abigail gave both Wally and Kuki their hugs, Kuki’s lasting longer as she had started crying, which meant Abigail had to literally pry her off of her body before attaching her to Wally. As Wally absently patted Kuki’s head, Abigail finally faced Hoagie. He swallowed hard, which was painful since his throat was so dry. It was the first time since last night that the two managed to look into each other's eyes. Feeling the weight of the awkward silence, Hoagie started to ramble.
“You know… I looked up your flight number… you’re gonna be on a 777 from Logan to de Gaulle! I got the tail number from FlightAware, F-GSQI. The airframe has only one accident on record, it was in Mexico a couple years back, but it wasn’t so serious…” Hoagie said, awkwardly lying his ass off. The plane suffered a catastrophic landing gear failure, but he decided that note was not important. “Anyway… It’s an older model from the -200ER series, but it’s still one of the coolest things in the sky! Those GE90s, the bigass turbofans, are HUGE! I actually stood next to one. It was like the size of a 737 fuselage… Funny thing about those engines, they were the biggest fans in the world once upon a time, but they’ve since been surpassed by their replacements, the GE9X…”
Abigail remained quiet throughout Hoagie’s very anxious, albeit knowledgeable, rant. She blinked slowly like she was trying to process all the information he just threw at her.
“...Wow,” She said slowly. “That…sure is interesting.”
“...Yeah, yeah,” Hoagie muttered, nodding. His mouth felt dry. “It’s all really interesting…”
Hoagie awkwardly placed his hands in his pocket, gaze wandering around the bustling airport.
“...I’m gonna miss you, Abby,” Hoagie said, hoping the words weren’t as loaded as they felt when they hung on the tip of his tongue. Before he had a chance to look up at her, Abby had already put her arms around him in a hug. After a beat, Hoagie was quick to return it, heart pounding like a drum.
“I’ll miss you too,” She said softly. It almost felt like a secret, which didn’t make logical sense, but that was how it felt regardless. Abby pulled away, bending down to grab her bags. Kuki, who was still teary-eyed, had to be held back by Wally when she tried to hug Abby again and again. One final group goodbye and Abby turned away, heading into the airport security.
–
Hoagie considered himself a fairly easy going guy. Though he had his own fair share of struggles, he always thought he was lucky in that he was able to let things roll off his shoulders in a way others struggled to. Which is why he didn’t know how to handle all the anxious energy swirling around inside him. He felt like he was standing on the edge of a cliff with the rocks slowly breaking at his feet, doomed to fall no matter how much he tried to back up.
He thought that with Abigail back in France, things might settle between them. Hoped the distance might heal whatever unspoken bullshit it was that flared up between them. On the surface, it seemed like it had. They still interacted as usual in their group chat with Kuki and Wally, and even in their private chats, they carried on as normal. He told his jokes, and she told him they were not funny. She sent him pictures of animals she saw in the streets of Paris, and he reacted with glee.
But it was different. He could feel it.
Hoagie tried to ignore it and tried to bury it under his workload at school to no avail. He attempted to keep this to himself, but as it turns out, it’s actually quite hard hiding how he feels when he lives with his best friend(s). Wally and Kuki (well, mostly Kuki) figured out fairly quickly that Hoagie was struggling. Kuki claims she noticed their odd behavior the second it started, whereas Wally didn’t seem to notice anything at all. Several weeks had passed since Abigail left, and Hoagie could not shake his weird emotions off. He was altogether relieved to have her gone, sad that she was gone, confused, guilty, and— even worse— still head over heels for her. Maybe even more now than when he was before she visited.
“Oh, Hoagie, I hate to see you this way,” Kuki sighed, sitting between him and Wally as the boys played a video game. Although playing might be generous a term— Hoagie wasn’t really focusing, so Wally was dominating him in the game. Hoagie sighed, pushing the buttons as he tried to hit and kick Wally’s character in the game, only for him to suffer a fatality and get killed. Hoagie dropped his controller in defeat, placing his face in his hands with a groan.
“I feel like I’m going crazy,” He said, voice muffled against his palms.
“Yeah, I felt that way before I started dating Kuki,” Wally said, unhelpfully. When Hoagie dropped his hands, he saw Wally had started a new game as a single player. Kuki tugged on Hoagie’s arm, looking at him with big, dark eyes.
“Talk to me,” She said kindly. “At least get it off your chest.”
Hoagie sighed, taking off his aviator cap with frustration.
“It’s just–” he started, hand pushing through his hair. “I feel like I’m messing everything up. I’m so overwhelmed by how much I like her but I’m also scared that I might have like–freaked her out? I mean–you weren’t there Kuki, I’m like, 90% sure she knows now and–it was just so–so tense , you know? And I don’t know if I made her uncomfortable or what but it was so weird… ugh and I just– miss her so much I don't know what to do with myself!” Hoagie threw his head back against the couch with a groan.
“I wish,” he went on, holding his hands out, grasping at nothing. “I could be like…like Humpery Bogart or Cary Grant, you know? Those guys were all suave and romantic and knew just what to say and do to woo a lady. They’d pull off some grand gesture and it’d be so romantic the girls got no choice but to fall in love with him! I wish this stuff was more like those old movies.”
Hoagie sighed, sinking into his seat. He noticed Kuki was unusually quiet as he spoke. Looking at her, he saw she was engrossed in her phone.
“Oh nice!” he frowned. “I open my heart to you and you’re scrolling on your phone!”
“I’m not scrolling,” Kuki said easily.
“Then what’re you doing?”
“I’m buying plane tickets.”
“....huh?”
Kuki set her phone down, looking at Hoagie with a shrug.
“You’re so upset and you so clearly want to be with her–and you talked about romantic gestures and nothing is more romantic than spontaneously taking a trip to Paris to woo her! We leave tomorrow night, so get packing!”