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It seemed that the higher-ups of the city-wide schools in Ikebukuro had noticed a problem with their students. A complete and total lack of empathy among them. Bullying rates were at an all-time high, and on top of that, nobody was doing anything about it!
If you asked Saburo, the problem lay with the faculty. Too many times he had seen other students being bullied and the very people who were supposed to be looking after them would only ever look the other way. Hell, he’d been bullied before, and his teachers had done jack shit despite him being their ‘star-student’. The school’s faculty needed to do more to protect their students; after all, how could anyone focus on studying when they were more worried about if they’d end up tormented by their peers?
And if you asked Jiro, he’d probably take on the burden of fighting off any bullies himself with his buds, giving them hell until they apologized. If nobody was going to protect the little guys, he’d simply do it himself until they could!
However, the school district didn’t ask Jiro, and they absolutely didn’t ask Saburo, which was a real shame in both their books.
No, instead, the school higher-ups came up with an idea. If empathy was at an all-time low, all they needed to do was to give their students a project that would teach them empathy! After all, it was a school, wasn’t teaching their entire thing?
So, the higher-ups of the city-wide schools in Ikebukuro got together over the last week, because today in school, both Jiro and Saburo were given the exact same assignment, despite both being in different grade (and, if you asked Saburo, knowledge levels).
Yes, the one, the only… Egg Project.
…
Oh… um… no…
It… it seemed that some students thought of a different egg project when they first received their bundles of Egg. The other egg project, where you wrapped one up in bubble wrap or rubber bands and chucked it off the roof. And… Some students opted to forgo any kind of protection altogether and instead tossed the eggs outside as soon as they were given them, with no questions asked.
It was not a sunny-side-up day for the students assigned to clean-up duty.
The teachers soon seemed to realize that they needed to actually explain the Egg Project before handing out their little guys, and explain it they did.
The Egg Project was relatively simple. Take an egg on Friday, care for it all weekend, then bring it back to school the following Monday. All of this for some extra credit, and for fun, they would even decorate the shells as an in-class activity! And of course, students must name their little egg babies (so they’d grow attached to them and not be tempted to throw them… more).
Easy peasy!
~~~
Saburo stared at the egg in his hands curiously. It was a bit smaller than his palm, with a hard brown shell. He shook it gently, grimacing as he felt the yolk move around inside it.
‘Take care of it for the weekend, huh?’ Saburo smirked. ’That’s easy’. Especially since it was an extra credit assignment. More than anything in the world, he loved extra credit! An optional task he could do to prove himself better than his idiotic classmates? It was everything his little heart dreamed of and more!
He gave the egg a small pat on its… uh… head(?) and smiled slightly at it. The last extra credit project he’d done hadn’t exactly gone well (He did SO much work for it, and when he submitted his report, his teacher hadn’t even LOOKED at it before smiling at him and checking his name off for extra points. What. The. FUCK?? He did all of that for a participation grade?!), and Saburo knew that more than anything else in the world, he NEEDED to be better than everyone. Especially his classmates.
Better at learning. Better at rapping. Better at tap-dancing. Better at dissing. Better at breathing. Better at hacking. Better at extra credit.
Saburo’s smile turned dark as he rubbed the egg’s little head(?). He wouldn’t fail in his mission. He wouldn't.
~~~
“Hey, Jiro.” The black-haired boy looked up at the sound of his name. It was his buddy, Ichiro (no, not his older brother, but that'd be sick if they were classmates! There were a lot of guys who shared the Yamada brothers names. Saburo had like… five other Saburos in his class, it was awesome). His friend held up the egg to his face. “If you give me five yen I’ll eat it right now.”
“Really?”
Ichiro chuckled. “Hell yeah!” He gestured to Jiro’s egg. “I’ll eat yours too for ten.”
“Hmmmmmmm…” Jiro put his hand to his chin thoughtfully. It would be really funny to watch Ichiro eat an entire egg, and it would be super funny to watch him do it twice! But…
The Egg Project was an extra credit assignment, and based on how he did on that last test, he really needed some bonus points. He had to keep his egg baby alive no matter what.
“Nah.” He pulled five yen from his back pocket and slid it over to Ichiro, whose eyes lit up. “Eat yours, but I’m keeping mine safe.”
“Your choice.” And with that, Ichiro picked up his egg and put it in his mouth.
The egg made a loud ‘POP’ as it cracked.
~~~
Saburo pulled out a couple of markers from his backpack and stared at his egg. ’Now… What kind of name should I give you?’
He didn’t want to decorate it until he’d named it, so he furrowed his brows in concentration as he stared holes into the little egg.
“Amanda.” No… that didn’t feel right. It was an egg, not a pig. Also there was only one Amanda, and Saburo really respected Jyushi! He couldn’t do that to them!
“Saburo.” What better name was there than his own? But… that might get a little bit confusing. And also, the egg looked nothing like him.
“Ichiro.” That was something! But… logically speaking… Saburo looked up to his older-est brother more than anything in the world! And if he were to name the egg after him, wouldn’t that motivate him to care for it? Which, if Saburo were any normal, or *ugh* average student, he might have seen that as a plus, but…
Would it really be work if he wanted to take care of the egg?
If he really wanted to earn his extra credit, then surely he had to name the egg after someone he didn’t like!
“Global Warming.” That wasn’t a person.
“Rei.” That would require a deep look into his conflicting feelings toward his absent father, and Saburo didn’t feel like doing that. Next.
“Jyuto Iruma.” Close. He definitely didn’t like that guy, with his ‘polite bastard’ attitude. The way he acted like he was better than everyone simply because he wore gloves. The fact that he called Saburo ‘Sanshiro’ when he clearly knew who Saburo was, but just wanted to pick a fight with Jiro and decided to be a complete jerk about it and bring Saburo into it even though he just wanted to eat dinner but whatever. And also he looked like a giraffe. An ugly one, not a cool one.
It worked really well, but… Jyuto wore glasses, and as ashamed as he was to admit it, Saburo was really bad at drawing those. A shame, really.
Saburo frowned at his unnamed egg. There wasn’t really anyone else that he-
Oh yeah, there was.
The boy smirked to himself as he wrote the name on the egg.
“Jiro Yamada.”
~~~
“I’m gonna name it after my little brother because they’re both eggheads.”
“Haha! Nice!”
~~~
Saburo frowned at ‘Eggro’, sitting on the counter. The rest of the school day had gone relatively smooth. Except for when he had to clean up the classroom. That was awful. But in regards to how Eggro was doing, he was kept perfectly safe, and there wasn’t a single crack on him!
There was a bit of a close call on Saburo’s way home, though. The Ikebukuro stray that he liked to play with sometimes had been a bit too excited to see him (something that Saburo just couldn’t be upset about), and had bumped into his shins like it usually did. But, unfortunately, he had been holding Eggro in one hand at the time, and almost dropped him to the ground!
Key word, almost. Naturally, nothing happened. But, when he showed Eggro off to the cat, that had almost caused its demise (“He’s my egg! So you can’t touch him, got it?”), as it turned out, the cat saw Eggro not as an extremely important extra credit project, but rather as a toy for its own amusement.
So, it batted at the egg, almost knocking it over. Saburo had to leap away from his friend (“DON’T DO THAT?!?!”). Luckily, Eggro was alright, but Saburo had learned his lesson.
Don't give a cat an egg, because it’ll try to destroy it immediately.
With that thought in mind, Saburo had waved goodbye to his friend and made his way home, not making any more detours.
And now that he was home, there were no more hazards that he had to deal with, no more fuss, and no more muss. He just put Eggro into the fridge (his teacher never said that wasn’t an option… and leaving an egg outside would be really unhygienic…) and let himself relax for the rest of the night. His little guy would be perfectly safe, as there was nothing in their home that could harm him.
“I’m hooooooooooooooooooooome!!!” Jiro slammed the door to the house open, grinning.
Saburo’s eye twitched. In his head, he said a flurry of words that would absolutely get him banned from even the most swear-tastic of games.
How could he have been so blind? He had brought his precious Eggro to the home of the person who had - on multiple occasions- destroyed Saburo’s other extra credit projects before! The home of the man who had destroyed fifteen separate soccer balls by stepping on them! The home of the man who really liked eating eggs!
The man who would no doubt destroy his-
Wait.
Saburo raised an eyebrow at the object in Jiro’s hands. “Jiro, what is that?”
“It’s you, lol.”
“Me?” Saburo frowned. “It looks nothing like me, and also don’t say ‘lol’ out loud.”
Jiro shook his head and handed the object- which turned out to be an egg- over to Saburo. And it was like looking in a mirror. A really bad, kinda ugly, very eggy mirror.
“Wow.” The teacher had told him about how the other students in Ikebukuro were given the Egg Project as well, but he’d thought that Jiro would have simply tossed his egg away the second he got it. Or thrown it at someone. Or eaten it whole.
“So what’s with you having an egg anyway?”
“The teacher handed it out, duh. They did for your class too, right?” Jiro tossed his backpack onto the couch and made his way to the kitchen as he talked.
“Of course, but I mean why do you have it? You’re not one for extra credit.”
“I am when it’s the only thing keeping me from failing!”
Saburo’s eyes widened in horror.”W-What do you mean ‘only thing’, Jiro?? I spent all last week reviewing Frankenstein with you, you couldn’t have…”
The boy’s face turned white. “Don’t tell me you failed the test.”
Jiro didn’t say anything. His silence spoke for him.
Saburo wanted to either jump out the window or push Jiro out the window. “I practically gave you the answers!!!” All week long, he had pored over that book, hand-writing flashcards and quizzing Jiro over the various forms of analysis over the various themes within that thing. All at Ichiro’s request, of course.
“You did, you did!” Jiro raised his hands in defense. “It was a me thing.”
“It’s always a you thing!”
“Listen, my head was completely full of Frankenstein, okay? I’ve never been more ready for a test than I was that day, it’s just that-” Jiro opened the fridge and came face-to-egg with Eggro.
He recognized their similarities instantly and pulled it out. “Saburo what the fuck is this, man?”
“You already know about how the teachers handed out eggs today.” His younger brother glared at him, moving up from the couch in the hope of getting his egg away from its number one contender for breaking.
Jiro rolled his eyes. “Yeah, but I mean, why’s it…” He gestured to the egg, showing off its yellow-green eyes and admittedly very well drawn cap. “Why’s it dressed up like me?”
“I could ask you the same thing. Which I did, and you didn’t answer.”
“Bullshit, you never asked that.”
Saburo frowned, recalling their conversation. Jiro was right, he’d never asked. But it wasn’t like Saburo was going to admit defeat. Instead, he left out a huff and crossed his arms (only after carefully placing Eggburo into the fridge, of course). “Yeah I did, your peabrain just can’t remember.”
“Peabrain???” Jiro yelled. You know, he was getting real sick and tired of Saburo dissing him for every single thing he did. What happened to that cute little kid who thought he was the world, huh? Where did he go, because Jiro missed the hell outta him!
The kid brother who’d help him with his work without making him feel like a dumbass. Who was sweet, and cute, and…
Jiro eyed Eggburo inside the fridge. In a flash, he pulled it out, carefully clutching it in his hand as he pointed a finger to real-Saburo. “You know! My little brother would never call me that!” He brought the egg closer to his face. “Right, Saburo?”
He moved the egg with his hand to make it look like it was nodding.
Real Saburo was shell shocked. Shook to the core. “Y-You…” He could not believe the levels of dumbassery his older brother had achieved. What, was he trying to make him feel jealous or something? Of a fucking egg? This was dumb. This was stupid. This was the most idiotic thing any person with any kind of brain could ever even think of doing.
Saburo wanted to grab Eggburo and throw it at Jiro’s face, but he held himself back. This was something he could use as a learning experience for his dumbass older brother.
And how would he teach him?
By taking his own Eggro and showing him just how dumb of an idea this was!
Saburo grabbed his egg from the fridge and held it close. “Me and my brother shouldn’t have to be around your scrambled brain.”
Jiro blinked. Was his brother being serious? He was just trying to do some kind of like… reflection for Saburo to think about how brothers shouldn’t diss each other, but this…
So he wanted to pretend that egg was his big brother huh? Fucking weird, but Jiro was no chicken. He’d do the same. He moved Eggburo closer to him. “Then leave, my little brother shouldn’t have to be around assholes like you!” Jiro attempted to pat Eggburo’s eggy head. It went about as well as one could expect.
“He’s too smart for that.”
“Ohhohoho!” Saburo laughed, turning Eggro so that it looked like it was looking down upon Jiro and Eggburo (it was). “We will leave! My big brother wouldn’t want me spending time with someone like you anyway!” Saburo walked out of the kitchen, Eggro by his side. Well. As much as it could be. It didn’t have legs and thus couldn’t stand nor walk with him, but the point was made!
Jiro was about to shake his head and call off their… whatever that was, but then, he heard Saburo say something. Something so vile, so cruel, that he knew he couldn’t quit.
Saburo spoke to Eggro. “Let’s go, Jiro-nii.”
Jiro’s eyes felt like they were about to burst into flames. ’Jiro-nii’. He clutched Eggburo so hard in his fist that it almost broke. His eye twitched. He had been trying… so hard to get his little brother to acknowledge his big brotherliness and call him that. And that egg… it didn’t do anything to deserve being called ‘Jiro-nii’! How dare Saburo do this!
It was done. Set in stone.
He wouldn’t give up on the whole Eggburo. Not before Saburo gave up on his precious little ‘Jiro-nii’.
This…
This meant war.
~~~
Although, when it comes to war, the participating parties must be able to acknowledge their separate strengths and weaknesses, and settle upon certain terms of that which their war must follow.
Such as, leaving eggs outside of the fridge for too long would make the entire apartment smell like five hundred cattle after a yacht trip. Which meant that, while they were vital to the war, Eggburo and Eggro would stay in the comfort of the fridge while Jiro and Saburo would wage war for them.
And so, wage war they did.
“You know, Saburo is pretty great, but man, the amount of times I dragged myself away from school to babysit his ass is crazy!”
“Jiro-nii is always looking out for me, but he never plans ahead… It’s kind of annoying…”
“I’m sure he’s a good kid, but would it kill him to be nice to anyone that isn’t Aniki for once?”
“I just wish Jiro-nii tried more! He’s smart, he really is… at some things, and it makes me so mad that he just throws all of that away!”
“... I just worry about him, you know? Who’s gonna look out for him if me and Aniki aren’t around and he doesn’t have any other friends?”
“Not everything in this place is all sunshine and rainbows! Especially with our family. You’ll only get hurt if you just charge on ahead like a dumbass.”
“...It’s not that you’re wrong, but what's wrong with sunshine and rainbows? Sure sometimes things suck, but only if you're only ever looking for them. And ‘charging ahead like a dumbass’... okay, that is admittedly a problem.”
“It is such a problem! I have things I need to work on as well, but… at the end of the day, you- Jiro-nii, I mean- is a good person. A really good person, and it’s just…”
“Don't go selling you- uh, Saburo- short. He’s pretty good too.”
“I don't believe you.”
“Well you should. If you ask me, Saburo’s amazing.”
Wow… it… it had been a while since they’d been able to talk like this. Even if it was through some stupid eggs.
“... Well, Jiro-nii is better.”
“Nah, Saburo all the way.”
But…
“No, trust me. Jiro-nii is way better than Saburo.”
“Hahaha! As if! Saburo can do so much more than Jiro, and he’s only a kid!”
That’s the thing with siblings.
“Jiro-nii is so much more responsible than Saburo, don’t be such an idiot. You see how he’s got an entire crew, don’t you? As if Saburo could ever do that.”
You can have the world's greatest heart-to-heart one day, and then the next…
“You really think leading a crew is any more impressive than all that hacking shit Saburo does? 5 monitors having ass…”
Cain instinct. You will always, no matter what, want to defeat your sibling.Whether it be with a rock, or…
“Dumbass, Jiro-nii is the best!”
“Hell fucking no, Saburo is wayyyyy better!”
With egg-cellent compliments.
~~~
Ichiro felt like his head was going to explode. It had been a rough day of odd jobs, it had rained while he was on his way home and he probably had a cold, so he was pretty out of it. But then, on top of that, his neighbors complained to him about the noise inside their house, which only made his day worse, but…!
Once he was inside, sure, they were loud, but the things they were saying…
“I LOVE JIRO-NII SO MUCH MORE THAN HE EVEN KNOWS!!!”
“I WOULD ACTUALLY TAKE A BULLET FOR SABURO!!!”
Ichiro was going to cry. This was it! This was the kind of brotherly relationship his kid brothers were supposed to have! It was a bit weird that they were screaming at each other and using third person, but whatever worked worked, right?
He needed to do something for them! To show them both how proud he was that they had finally gotten past their rivalry and moved towards strengthening their bond.
And what better way to do that than with some home-made Ichiro-style cooking! Sure, they hadn’t gotten the groceries in a while, and sure, he was definitely sick, but that hadn’t stopped him before!
The oldest brother opened the fridge up with a huge grin on his face, and noticed two familiar eggs sitting there.
He picked them both up and examined each of them. One had three moles, green-blue eyes and an adorable smirk. The other had two moles, green-yellow eyes, and its silly little tongue was sticking out.
They were almost too cute to crack! But… In Ichiro’s haze-filled brain, it didn’t seem like they were anything important, so Ichiro decided it would be okay to add to his famous ramen! He would have asked earlier, but it really didn’t seem like it was anything important, and he didn’t want to distract his brothers, lest it shattered their growing relationship.
Ichiro smiled as he placed both eggs on the counter, staring up at him with their marker-drawn eyes. He heated up the water for the noodles and smiled while he listened to his sweet little brothers complimenting each other.
He hummed to himself as he stirred the ramen together and put them into separate bowls. They only had two eggs, so he’d have to go without, but that was fine!
Then, Ichiro grabbed Eggburo and Eggro and cracked them open, frying them over-easy style. He let out a sneeze (covering his face, of course) as the egg whites began to bubble. After he got them out of the pan and placed them on top of the ramen, he stared at his work proudly.
‘I’m a good older brother!’
~~~
Jiro and Saburo ate their ramen in silence.