Work Text:
It’s nice to have a kid around again.
Really nice. And sure, Tommy’s got a baby of his own almost here, but there’s something about having a teenager around again that just makes Tommy happy. Joel seems happier, too. Ellie will never be Sarah, of course, she can never fill the hole that Sarah’s death left in both of their hearts, but she’s sure as hell worming her way into a new spot.
When she and Joel come back in the spring, something’s different. Not wrong, per se, but something is off. Ellie isn’t as volatile as she was when Tommy first met her, she’s quieter, tucking herself closer to Joel’s mass as if to hide herself. And Joel, who before was so adamant that she stay at arm's length, doesn't even blink. She’ll come up behind him and he doesn’t flinch like he does with everyone else, she’ll wriggle her way under his arm and he just lifts it around her shoulders. Pulls her into his side.
Something changed, but something in the way they interact now feels sacred, private, rooted in a different kind of bond. Something happened there. So Tommy doesn’t ask.
He gives Joel a hug upon their return and does not offer one to Ellie, who’s standing behind his brother, holding loosely onto the back of his jacket like a little kid.
Tommy is reminded, abruptly, that she is basically a little kid. She’s barely a teenager, and one who’s probably been through hell if Joel’s reports of their journey are anything to go by.
Ellie’s friendly enough, though, especially once she settles in. She starts helping him out in the stables, delighted by the horses, especially baby Shimmer. She’s a hard worker even if she mouths off occasionally. Even then, if Joel’s around it usually only takes a sharp look from him for her to settle down.
Tommy tries not to sneak up on her; he made that mistake by accident once and got an elbow to the gut for his trouble and a mortified, absolutely contrite teenager who didn’t calm down completely until Tommy took her home to Joel.
He finds himself impressed by her communication skills, and he knows it's something she and his brother must be working on. After Ellie successfully trimmed her first set of hooves, Tommy grins and says, “Lookit that! We’ll make a decent farrier of you yet!” and his hand comes down gently on her shoulder.
She flinches away from his touch, almost violently, and Tommy’s quick to wrench his hand away.
“Please don’t touch me,” she says, voice shaking but still matter-of-fact. “I don’t like to be touched.”
The by anyone other than Joel hangs in the air between them.
“Okay, no worries,” Tommy assures. “I just won’t touch you again, easy as that.”
Ellie’s still shriveled into herself. “Sorry.”
“Don’t need to apologize. I’m glad you feel comfortable enough to tell me these things. Promise,” he insists.
She nods, her hands fidgeting and fidgeting in front of her.
“C’mon.” Tommy knows his best bet is probably to change the subject and move on. “Let’s throw these old shoes in the scrap metal bin.”
“We aren’t gonna put new ones on?” Ellie questions, her voice slightly more confident again. The mare they’ve been working on gently snuffles at Ellie’s shoulder, and she visibly relaxes even more. Horses have a way with these things, Tommy knows.
“Nah, it doesn’t seem like she really needs them so we’re gonna see how she does barefoot.”
Ellie nods. She follows Tommy. The horse waits patiently in the cross-ties, as horses do.
—
It’s the point in the night when Joel, Tommy, and Maria have long since finished eating and so now they get to relax, chatting at the kitchen table over glasses of strawberry wine, the lights of their kitchen warm and golden and soft. It’s also the point where Ellie’s fading fast, leaning up against Joel’s shoulder, trying not to yawn. Joel’s got his arm over the back of her chair, easy and comfortable.
There’s a lull in the conversation, so Tommy takes advantage of the pause. “Hey, Ellie,” he starts, and she shuffles against Joel, sitting up a little bit to make expectant eye contact.
“One of the broodmares at the barn looks like she’s going to give birth soon. Do you want me to come get you when she goes into labor so you can see and help if she needs it?”
Ellie’s eyes widen, suddenly awake. She looks up at Joel, which is something she does now, Tommy notices, she looks to Joel for permission, for agreement, for solidarity. Joel smiles down at her with a fondness that Tommy hasn’t seen in 20 years. Joel strokes a big hand over the back of her head, so gentle and loving that it makes Tommy’s heart ache. It’s a motion that was once so familiar but has been long, long lost. To see it again seems like something fragile, something sacred.
“It’ll probably be in the middle of the night, baby. You sure you wanna be woken up?” Joel says.
Ellie nods vigorously. Tommy laughs.
“Then I’ll come knocking when the time comes, alright?”
Ellie nods again. Joel pulls her into his side, his nose to her hair. They have some sort of silent conversation, solely through Joel’s soft squeezes on her shoulder and the twitch of Ellie’s nose, and then Ellie unearths her face from Joel’s shirt to say a quiet, shy “thank you”.
“You’re welcome, kiddo.”
Joel kisses Ellie’s hair. “Well then, I think it’s about time to get this one home.”
They say their goodbyes, Ellie leaning heavily against Joel.
“Hey, Tommy?” she mumbles while she’s shoving her feet back into her chucks.
“Yeah?”
“How do you know she’s almost ready to give birth?”
“Well, she’s getting pretty restless. Horses have a real good sense of these kinds of things. Plus her udder’s started to wax, so like, little beads of this white, waxy stuff are coming out. That’s her body getting ready to make milk for the baby.”
“So cool,” Ellie sighs. “Bye Tommy, bye Maria!”
They wave, standing on the porch together, arms around each other’s waists. They watch as Ellie loops her arm around the crook of Joel’s elbow, relaxed, easy, comfortable, true.
—
Just as Joel predicted, the mare, Flora, goes into labor in the wee hours of the morning two days later. Tommy’s been watching her, taking shifts with a few other stable workers for the past few nights. He runs to Joel and Ellie’s house and bangs loudly on the door. They open it together less than a minute later, still in their pajamas, Ellie sporting a huge green shirt that Tommy knows must belong to Joel and purple plaid pants. She’s already stuffing her arms into a jacket; even though summer is in full swing in Jackson, the nights still get chilly.
She scrambles for her shoes, weaving around Joel’s legs and forcing him to practically lean over her while he holds the door open with one arm, just so he doesn’t trip on her frantic limbs and fall on his face. He’s in his boxers and a ratty gray t-shirt with a few little holes around the neckline and hemline. He’s barefoot, and Tommy realizes this is the first time in twenty-some years that he’s seen Joel not be ready to run at a moment’s notice.
“How’s she doin’?” Joel asks, his voice deep and rough with sleep and his hair sticking up all over the place.
“Good, she hasn’t laid down yet, but she’s definitely getting there.”
“I’m ready!” Ellie says, breathless with excitement.
“You are not. Tie your damn shoes,” Joel scolds lightly, exasperated. Ellie groans but drops back into a squat to do as he says.
“Have fun, baby,” Joel continues as Ellie finishes off her laces, adjusting his grip on the door to better balance himself. “Do what Tommy tells you, alright?”
She nods, jumping to her feet and wrapping her arms around his waist, squeezing briefly. Joel drops a kiss on her head.
“Tell me all about it in the morning, okay?”
“Okay! But it is technically morning already.”
“In the morning morning then, smartass.” He tugs on her ponytail lightly. It’s a little scraggly from her sleeping on it, so Joel tucks a few strands of hair behind her ear.
She smirks. “Fine.”
“Good. Alright, cariño, go on now.”
She waves at him and skips after Tommy as they leave the porch. Tommy looks over his shoulder to share a smile with his brother as Joel shuts and relocks the door.
“Hey, Tommy, what does ‘ka-reen-yo’ mean?” Ellie sounds out as they set off.
“Hmm? Oh, it’s Spanish, it means, like, sweetheart, or darling.”
“Oh. That’s nice.”
Tommy glances down at her. She’s grinning.
“Yeah, honey. It’s just another way Joel says he loves you. His Spanish tends to come out when he’s sleepy.”
Ellie shivers with delight, pleased with the insider knowledge of another nice nickname from Joel and practically shaking with anticipation of what’s to come.
They arrive at the barn in record time, hurrying to the northwest corner where the broodmare stalls are. Tommy’s buddy Aiden is peering over the stall door, where Flora is pacing restlessly, occasionally kicking at her belly with her hind legs. He smiles as Tommy and Ellie approach.
“Hey! She’s been getting up and down, she’s probably almost ready.”
As if on cue, Flora groans and drops to her knees, then lets her hind end fall behind her. She rolls carefully to her left side, breathing hard, but then she lurches back to her feet and resumes pacing. Her pale yellow coat (palomino, Tommy supplied when Ellie asked a few weeks ago) is soaked with sweat. Ellie’s eyes are wide as saucers.
“What do we do?” she whispers.
“Nothing now, we just watch and wait. She’s got good bedding down, straw, not shavings so nothing gets in the baby’s nose or eyes, we’ve got warm water for her, and we’ve got medical supplies. And her tail’s all wrapped up. We just watch and wait.”
“Do we go in the stall?”
“No, she’ll want to be alone. When I need to check on her progress or if she needs help, we’ll go in, but for now we’ll stay out here. Her body knows what to do, we just gotta trust her.”
Ellie nods, serious. The door to the stall is open, so at least they can sit down and still see inside. So she, Tommy, and Aiden sit cross-legged in the aisleway, the lights golden, soft but still making everything visible should a problem arise.
Suddenly, a gush of fluid rushes out of Flora’s body and she almost immediately drops to her knees once more.
Ellie sucks in a sharp breath.
“It’s okay, that’s just her water breaking, she’s okay, it’s supposed to happen,” Tommy soothes. Ellie nods, clearly nervous but fascinated all the same.
Flora flops to her side again, her flanks heaving.
“I’m gonna check to see if I can see the foal,” Tommy explains, getting to his feet. “I need to see if it’s in the right position. You can come too, just stay a little bit back, okay?”
Ellie scrambles up behind him and stands in the stall doorway as Tommy pours some disinfectant over his hands and carefully kneels next to the horse.
“Hey, mama, I’m gonna check you out, okay?” he murmurs, and Flora lifts her head, her big, dark eyes finding his over her belly. She curls her neck up and nips at her side a few times before flopping back down. “I know, I know it hurts.” He keeps talking to her, just a steady litany of soothing words even though he knows she doesn’t understand.
He carefully feels for the foal and sure enough, he feels the two little hooves and a soft, squishy muzzle right where they’re supposed to be, still covered by the amnion membrane like they should be, too. He sighs in relief.
“The baby’s in the right position, she’s just gotta push now,” Tommy explains as he goes back to rinse his hands in the barn sink by the wall and comes to sit down again.
And push she does. In a few minutes, the foal’s head and front hooves are visible. Ellie’s practically vibrating with excitement.
“Here, c’mere,” Tommy says when Flora starts to struggle more than she should be. Ellie jumps to her feet again and moves into the stall with Tommy, Aiden watching from the door.
“It’s gonna be fine, but I think she just needs a little help,” he explains, dumping some antiseptic on both of their hands. “Here, see how the shoulder’s stuck, yep, okay so grab onto this leg and start pulling,” he instructs, carefully helping the already splitting membrane along so he can help Ellie grab the stuck leg.
Ellie focuses intensely, professionally, knelt on the floor in her pajamas, and carefully takes hold of the foal’s leg.
“Gentle,” Tommy says, even though Ellie’s already working with the most careful hands he’s ever seen. “Just steady pulling when she pushes.”
Ellie nods.
Flora strains hugely and both Tommy and Ellie pull at the same time, Tommy carefully tugging on the head and Ellie wrapping both hands around the upper leg. A few more heaves and just like that, the foal enters the world, small and soaked and bloody but alive, here, wonderful. It’s a filly, Tommy can see, and he tells Ellie as much.
“We’ve got ourselves a girl,” he breathes. Ellie’s breathing just as hard, a grin on her face bright enough to put the sun to shame.
Tommy makes sure the foal is breathing, rubbing at her nostrils to clear them, as Flora pulls herself up a little bit and shifts around so she can examine the new baby. She lays like a cat, her legs tucked under her and starts nosing at the little wet bundle she just brought into the world.
Tommy takes Ellie’s bloody hand in his own as they back away, listening to Flora nicker and talk to the baby as she licks her clean.
“Wow,” Ellie breathes. She squeezes Tommy’s hand. Tommy understands, deeply, intimately, wholly.
“Never gets old, no matter how many times I see it,” Tommy murmurs. Ellie then, to his surprise, leans into his arm, still holding his hand.
He looks down at her, but she’s still smiling at the filly, who’s blinking hard and making little squeaking noises at her mama. She’s going to be a beautiful horse, Tommy can tell. The baby is golden like Flora, but with dark legs and a dark mane and tail. A buckskin, Tommy tells Ellie. She’s got a thin white stripe down her face.
They watch the pair in silence then, Aiden leaning up against the door next to them. Soon Flora staggers to her feet and continues nosing the filly, encouraging her to stand. They all watch the baby stumble a few times, but she makes it eventually. Flora keeps up her steady stream of low, comforting noises, and soon the filly wobbles over to her mother’s udder to nurse.
Tommy squeezes Ellie’s hand again. “Hey.”
She looks up at him, a few strands of hair falling on her face.
“You helped deliver her, so what do you say you get to name her?”
“Seriously?! Are you serious?”
“Yes ma’am. The choice is all yours.”
She bounces a few times on the balls of her feet.
“How about… Daisy?” she whispers. “Since her mom is Flora, she should have a floral name, don’t you think?”
“I think that’s just lovely,” Tommy replies. “Daisy it is, then. Flora and Daisy.”
They stand there, listening to Flora’s gentle noises and Daisy’s eager suckling until Ellie starts to waver on her feet.
“You go ahead and get her home,” Aiden says with a kind smile. “I’ll hang around and make sure she delivers the placenta okay.”
“Thanks, man.” Tommy claps a hand on his shoulder.
“C’mon missy.” He turns to Ellie, gently pulling her to the sink to wash their hands and then away as she waves goodbye to Aiden and the horses.
They’re almost back to Joel’s house, walking in comfortable, awed silence when Tommy speaks.
“Was it everything you hoped for?” he asks. The sun is starting to peek from behind the mountains, bathing the street in soft pink light.
“And more,” Ellie says, and to his surprise, she flies into his chest and hugs him. He hugs back, giving her a light squeeze.
“Thank you,” she whispers into his shirt.
“You’re welcome, kiddo.”
Joel’s been waiting up, of course, and he opens the door for her when Tommy delivers her back to the porch, still in his pajamas. He’s got a mug of tea in one hand and easily accepts the hug Ellie falls into with the other. Wisps of steam curl off of the tea’s surface.
“Everything went well? Everyone healthy?” he rumbles, rubbing absently between Ellie’s shoulder blades.
“Everyone’s healthy. Filly got stuck for a little bit but Ellie helped deliver her. She was a pro.”
“Really? Doesn’t surprise me, though. I’m real proud of you, kiddo,” Joel responds, planting a kiss on the top of Ellie’s head.
“I named her Daisy,” Ellie says, separating herself from Joel so she can wring her hands with excitement.
“That’s a mighty fine name.”
Tommy makes eye contact with Joel for a moment, soft, knowing smiles on each of their faces.
“C’mon, baby,” Joel says, patting Ellie on the back. “Go get in the tub or the shower, okay? Then I think you’re gonna go sleep all day and I’m gonna go take a nap before my afternoon shift.”
“Don’t I have school?” Ellie says.
“Not if you keep reminding me. You just helped deliver a foal, I think you’re entitled to a day off.”
Ellie grins at him. “Can we go see the baby later, then? I want you to meet her.”
Joel sips from his mug. “I dunno, depends on what Uncle Tommy says.”
Tommy jolts, but Joel doesn’t seem to realize what he said. Ellie notices, because she’s way too perceptive sometimes, but she doesn’t say anything about it. In fact, she smiles a little bigger.
“Can we come by and see Daisy later this afternoon? Please?” she asks Tommy, excitedly fidgeting with her fingers again.
“I don’t see why not, kiddo.”
“Thank you!” she says, and then she’s running up the stairs. And then, from the top of the stairs, she calls, “Bye, Uncle Tommy!”
He smiles, and both he and Joel stand in comfortable silence for a few moments, just breathing in the smell of the morning dew on the grass outside and the fragrant steam of Joel’s tea.
“Really, thank you,” Joel starts, reaching out and gripping Tommy’s shoulder. “She needed this. She needed to know that she can… help bring life into the world,” he continues, clearly trying to choose his words carefully.
Tommy understands. He can guess that Ellie has probably had to kill someone, or multiple someones, to take their life with her own hands. He knows the damage that does to a person, especially a kid. He knows the feeling of seeing blood on your hands, but this was the blood that comes from bringing new life into existence and not the kind that comes from violence. It’s a healing kind of carnage, the blood of birth, he’s found. He hopes that Ellie’s found it the same.
Joel squeezes his shoulder and pats it a final time.
“See you later, Tommy.”
“See ya,” Tommy responds.
Joel shuts the door as the water starts running upstairs, a soft, fond smile on his face.
—
The baby does well. She and Ellie get on like wildfire; Daisy follows her around everywhere when she’s not following Flora. Tommy promises Ellie that as soon as the filly is old enough Ellie can help train her, much to the girl’s delight.
Joel just watches all this, fond and relaxed. Tommy knows he’s pleased that Ellie is finding her place in the community. Ellie comes home from her shifts at the stables and talks his ear off, and he nods and hums in reaction at all the right points.
By the time fall is on the horizon, it’s like they’ve lived in Jackson their whole lives. Tommy and Maria’s baby comes, a boy, happy and healthy. Daisy keeps growing. Ellie settles in.
Tommy knows this: every morning, about an hour after sunrise, Joel Miller walks his daughter to the old high school that has been converted into a school for all ages. Tommy meets her at the stables after her classes, and at sunset Joel comes, every evening without fail, and walks her back home from the barn. Tommy watches as Ellie links their arms together as they walk and chatters about her day, all the way home. And Joel listens, all the way home.