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Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid! I’m so so stupid!
Aira’s thoughts raced around in his brain, on pace with his feet as he pushed through the ES lobby front doors, trying to get away as fast as he could. He could only barely see where he was going through wet, glassy eyes. His eyelids felt swollen and his head was beginning to ache.
Why can’t I ever say anything right?
The cold evening air blew past him as he ran in no particular direction, and he could feel the chill against the tear streaks on his face. It almost seemed to sting.
Where am I even going? I can’t talk to Tattsun-senpai, I left him in the practice room with the others. My dorm? Can I even talk to Sakuma-senpai or Tenshouin-senpai about this?
He didn’t know. All he knew was the sound of his practice sneakers hitting the pavement as he ran, ran, ran.
Where am I?
He stopped for a moment, noticing that the sun was beginning to fall behind the mountains in the distance. He noticed the trees as they swayed, and the leaves as they rustled against each other.
Ah, the hanging garden. It’s really pretty at sunset.
…
Hiro-kun would like to see this.
Aira stared off at the sky, still unaware that he wasn’t alone.
“Ai-chan?”
“AH!” Aira jumped, a strained sound coming out of his throat as his head snapped towards the sound. “R—Rinne-senpai?”
Sitting on a bench in front of him was, in fact, Rinne, relaxed against the back rest with his legs sprawled out comfortably. Aira watched as he closed the notebook he seemed to be writing in and tossed it into his bag leaning against one of the bench legs.
Aira noticed he was definitely still crying, and he could feel the tips of his ears start to heat up.
Seriously? This jerk? He is the absolute last person I would like to see me like this, thank you very much! What kind of luck even is this?
“Is everything okay?” He asked, giving Aira his full attention. His tone was a lot softer than Aira thinks he’d ever heard it before. It was a little startling.
“W—what’s it to you!” Aira nearly yelled, his voice still shaky and hoarse. “Why should I tell you anything!?”
Rinne’s eyes widened.
“Woah, alright.” He almost looked hurt, but not in the feigned way he usually was whenever Aira freaked out on him. “You ain’t gotta tell me if you don’t wanna. But I’d like to listen, if you’d let me.”
He looked at Aira expectantly.
“I…”
I don’t even like this guy. Hiro-kun thinks he’s the best thing to ever happen to the world, but I personally beg to differ. I'm not talking to him.
Aira sniffled, releasing his clenched fists just slightly.
But…
…
“Fine.”
He didn’t want to admit it, but having someone there for him is exactly what he needed right now. Not that he wanted it to be Rinne of all people, but he could…put up with it. Just this once.
Aira sat down on the bench next to his senior, noticeably closer than he would have on any normal day. There was just shy of enough room for someone to sit down between them.
Rinne hunched over, elbows on his knees and hands clasped together as he waited for Aira to speak. He kept making this stupid soft and sort of concerned and just plain earnest expression and Aira didn’t know how to feel about it.
Who is this guy and what did he do with the big jerk?
Aira inhaled sharply.
“I—it’s just, I…um…me and—!”
—He cut himself off as he started coughing uncontrollably. Violently, almost. More tears fell from his eyes as he heaved and tried to breathe.
Rinne quickly reached into his bag, and pulled out a bottle of water. He unscrewed it, too, and held it out towards Aira.
“Drink?”
He didn’t have time to protest.
Aira snatched the bottle, quickly tossing his head back to swallow. Some of it spilled out down his chin and onto his shirt. The coughing subsided, and he tentatively handed the bottle back.
“...Thanks.” He didn’t look up at Rinne.
“Breathe,” Rinne said, and Aira didn’t bother to fight him. He pulled his knees into his chest, wrapping his arms around his legs as he tried to take a few breaths.
In… out.
“It’s about Hiro-kun,” he got out, finally.
“Hiiro? Did he do somethin’ to ya?”
“No, I… He’s never done anything to me! It’s… it was me. I said something really mean to him again and—and…I don’t know what to do. I just…ran off. I didn’t even apologize.”
Breathe.
“Yeah, you do tend to say some pretty nasty things to him.” Ouch. Unnecessary. “Do you ever apologize when you say stuff like that to him?”
“No, I… I know I call him an idiot all the time and he always just smiles at me like it doesn’t mean anything but this time I… I went too far. I didn’t mean it. And—and he just looked at me like he was so hurt and I didn’t know what…to make of it…I don’t even know why he likes me in the first place, when I’m always doing stuff like this…”
He curled in on himself even tighter.
“What’d ya say to him?”
“I… I told him I hated him.”
Aira squeezed his calves with his fingers, knuckles turning white at the pressure.
“Ah. I get it.”
“...Get what?”
“You’re that kid’s whole world, ya know? Of course he’d be upset if you said you hated him.”
“I’m…what?” Aira looked up suddenly, meeting the other’s eyes.
They really are the same exact blue, huh?
“He thinks real highly of ya, Ai-chan. Whenever he talks to me or the agency execs or pretty much anyone, he’s always talkin’ about stuff you’ve done or said to him. Always singin’ your praises, callin’ ya smart and kind and all that.”
“I…”
They both stopped speaking for a moment. The wind seemed to subside a little.
“...You know I haven’t been a good brother. It was wrong of me to leave him, back then. But… somethin’ good might’ve came of it, at least. His whole life used to revolve around me.”
“Doesn’t it still?”
Rinne shook his head.
“Nah. He still cares about me, more than I deserve, but he’s doin’ just fine without me bein’ the center of his whole world. He’s his own person now.”
He paused, clearly thinking about something. His face almost looked proud.
“Think about it, he was able to make it all the way to the big city and get a job and meet new people without my help. At sixteen, too. He doesn’t need me. He needs you, though, Ai-chan.”
“Why? Why would he need me?”
“I know you think you don’t offer him nothin’, but he for sure doesn’t think that. He wouldn’t be an idol if it weren’t for you. He never would’ve met so many good people and learned so many things without you. To him, you’re like a saint.”
“But, I…”
Rinne shifted in his seat a little, and looked off towards the leaves swaying in the now gentle breeze.
“You wanna know somethin’? Back when I was just some stupid kid runnin’ away from it all, chasin’ the impossible, I met somebody important like that too, yeah?”
“Shiina-senpai?” Aira knew he and Niki met years ago, though he’d never been told how.
Rinne nodded, a fond smile tugging at his lips. “Niki… he dragged my ass outta some nasty alleyway and took me home, fed me. I was kinda like a stray cat.”
Aira laughed a little.
“He had no reason, no obligation, but he still did. He saved my life, basically. And I owe him everything for it.”
He looked uncharacteristically nervous as he spoke again.
“He’s basically my whole world. But don’t go tellin' him I said that.”
Aira looked in Rinne’s direction for just a moment, completely stunned. He never thought he’d hear something like that come out of his mouth.
Since when was this guy such a softie?
He turned away again.
“It’s not like I pulled Hiro-kun off the street and nursed him back to health, though…” Aira trailed off, his voice still unsure of himself.
“Maybe not. But you were the first person to ever become his friend. A real friend. You were there for him when I wasn’t, like the shitty brother I am. You show him all kinda new things and stick by him, ya know? To him, that’s priceless.”
Rinne looked back towards Aira, and Aira just stared back at him.
“It’ll be alright, Ai-chan. I know you don’t actually hate him, you just need to tell him that. ‘Cause God knows he could never hate you.”
Aira could feel the tears come back. He sniffled, putting his feet back on the ground and shuffling a little closer to Rinne.
“C’mere,” he said, holding an arm out, and, for some strange reason, Aira accepted, wrapping his arms around the other’s torso.
“...Thank you, Rinne-senpai.”
The angle was sort of awkward, and Aira probably was squeezing too hard, but it was… nice.
“Yeah, yeah. Any time, Ai-chan.” He patted Aira’s head gently. For some reason, Aira didn’t feel the need to shout at him for it.
They separated, and Aira leaned his head against Rinne’s shoulder.
“...Still not sure I like you.”
“Aw, still? What’s a guy gotta do to get his little brother’s girlfriend to like him?”
“I’m his boyfriend, not his girlfriend!”
“Okay, okay, fine. What’s a guy gotta do to get his little brother’s boyfriend to—”
“Will you just shut up already?!”
Rinne laughed.
Then, they heard footsteps.
“Aira!” Hiiro called out, spotting him instantly as he ran up. He looked out of breath.
“H—Hiro-kun!” He said back, sitting up frantically. He wiped the last of his tears from the corners of his eyes, trying to look composed.
“Oh, thank goodness I found you! I went to a few places before I thought to look here.”
“I—you went looking for me?”
“Of course! I got worried when Aira just ran out of practice like that.”
Right. Practice. They were both still in practice clothes.
Sorry Mayo-san, Tattsun-senpai.
“I…” He stood up, taking hesitant steps up to where Hiiro was standing. “I’m really sorry, Hiro-kun. I… I don’t hate you. I shouldn’t have said something like that…and I shouldn’t have ran away.”
“It’s okay. I know Aira says things he doesn’t mean sometimes. I didn’t mean to upset you, and I’m sorry too.”
“Sorry? For what? I’m the one who said something stupid…”
“But you were crying when you ran out, and that was because of me. I hate seeing Aira sad more than anything.”
Hiiro grabbed one of Aira’s hands with his own and squeezed gently.
“Hiro-kun…”
“Well, looks like everything's alright after all, huh Ai-chan?” Rinne said, standing up and walking towards the pair.
“Nii-san! I’m sorry, I didn’t even notice you were here!” Aira could feel Hiiro jump a little, yet he didn’t let go of his hand.
Rinne chuckled.
“S’alright, little bro. I know you were real worried about Ai-chan.”
“I was!” he said, his voice unbelievably earnest.
Cute.
Rinne ruffled his brother’s hair around.
“You know, when are you gonna start callin’ me ‘Nii-san' too, Ai-chan? I’ll be your brother-in-law one day, yanno~”
“My… what?!"
Hiiro had stars in his eyes.
“Nii-san! So I have your blessing to marry Aira?” he asked, like a kid who’d just been told they’re going to a theme park in the morning. His smile seemed to take up his whole face.
“Of course ya do!” He pulled the two of them in for a crushing hug and held them off the ground, rendering them both almost unable to breathe. “Why wouldn’t ya?”
“M—marry?! Hiro-kun, we’re too young for that! And you haven’t even proposed to me!”
“Hm? But don’t you date someone with the intention of marrying them? Shiina-san told me that.”
“Niki said that?”
“Oh! I wasn’t supposed to say that to you, Nii-san.”
“Kyahaha! Don’t worry, I won’t tell him. Now I just know I’ll get him one day for sure~”
Hiiro made some kind of face, like he was putting puzzle pieces together in his brain.
“Does that mean I should call Shiina-san ‘Nii-san’ as well?”
“Kyehe, Niki-kyun would probably think it’s cute if you did.”
Aira was about to explode.
“You’re both crazy! Put me down!”
Rinne hyena-laughed some more as he set them both back down on the ground.
“Isn’t the sunset nice, Aira?” Hiiro asked him, looking off at the horizon with bright eyes. The sun was just barely still peeking out over the mountains.
He gazed at Hiiro as he looked off into the sunset, smiling to himself as he studied every little detail of Hiiro’s sweet smile. Their fingers were still intertwined, he noticed. He squeezed tighter.
He looked back at Rinne for just a moment, who smiled at him as well.
“Yeah, it is.”
Tomorrow, Aira’s sure Rinne will go straight back to teasing him like normal, and he’ll go straight back to yelling at him for it, but…
Family, huh?
Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad.