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“Come in.” Erwin massages his temples as Hange sits across from him, bringing her usual earthy scent with her. She tucks one of her bangs behind her ear and shifts in her chair. The candle on his desk illuminates her nervous face, and behind her, the gloom of his office seems to engulf the outside world.
Nothing more appropriate for an interrogation. Even when neither of them is used to such a thing, as the protagonist of this incident, Hange must be feeling particularly anxious, especially considering the scrutiny she’s been subjected to ever since.
“Hi, Erwin! How’s it going?” She greets him with an excessively jovial tone. Yes, she’s definitely struggling to handle her nerves.
Erwin raises his bushy eyebrows. “Bad. The statue you broke was highly valuable, and a special gift from Zackly. I know you don’t wanna hear it, but someone will have to answer for the damage inflicted on it—and on the building. Will you finally inform me what happened in my absence?”
The accounts he’s heard so far have been fragmented and somewhat contradictory memories. Nothing like going straight to the source to unearth the truth from the deceitful foliage it’s buried in, right? At least, that’s what he hopes.
Hange puffs out in exhaustion. “I thought it was common knowledge: it was all my fault.” She leans forward, words spilling from her mouth in an uncontrollable gurgle. “But it was an accident! The substances should never have spread, and even with everything they caused, they served to advance the investigation! I think the incident proves a lot of things; powerful sensations are linked to feelings, and…” Hange seals her mouth upon realizing this isn’t a good time to discuss the supposed benefits that the disaster brought with it.
It’s too early for that. Erwin still doesn’t know what to make of the insane number of cadets who have decided to get into romantic relationships, fuck the rules —their words, not his. Everything, of course, is because of Hange.
“Details,” Erwin demands, thus hoping to obtain concise and, above all, reliable information. On the day of the incident, most usually evoke feeling insanely hot and something inside of them swelling to overflowing. However, none of them mentions how, for the most part, that overflow ended with bodies rubbing each other and love dripping from every corner of his beloved barracks. “Why don’t you describe everything that took place since the beginning of that day?”
“Everything?” Hange purses her lips before nodding. She slides her glasses up on her nose with one finger. “Well, it all started like this….
Very early in the morning you called me into this, your office, and told me that I’d be in charge during your stay in Mitras, which was an enormous responsibility that I took extremely seriously, Erwin—although I doubt it was a sensible decision. Why choose me among everyone? Well, anyway, you boarded the carriage and set off for the capital, leaving me in charge of the massive barracks and, more importantly, the hundreds of Survey Corps that live within.
I have to admit that, faced with the immensity of the building that was now completely in my hands, I felt a little strange, something like nerves churning in my stomach. Above all, I didn’t want to be a disappointment in this task. But since there wasn’t much to do on such an ordinary day with no mission in sight, I shook off any hint of nervousness and committed myself to take care of more relevant things—like my research, for nothing is more important than that.
So, after breakfast, I retired to my lab, where, as always, I locked myself up all morning to investigate. At that time, I was trying to discover if substances that humans react to could somehow affect the titans, because if so, we’d have a way to control them. Can you imagine that, Erwin? Wouldn’t that be amazing?!”
Hange stops her statement with her questions, looking at Erwin with excitement sparkling in her eyes. He sighs, sensing he mustn’t let her get sidetracked, or this will turn into one of her many endless talks about her research. “Yes, it’d be fantastic. But get on with the facts, Hange,” he encourages her.
She blinks a couple of times. “Right. Sorry, where was I?” Her gaze fixes on a point above Erwin’s head, lost in memories. “Ah, yes… I remember now.
Not many hours had passed (or so I thought, but when I glanced out the window, I could see the last glimpse of the sunset. Time flies, doesn’t it?) when there was a knock on the door. I opened it and there was Levi, dressed in his daily attire.
His eyes darted around, surely noticing the mess in my work area, and disapproving of it. ‘Shitty glasses, Shadis is in the yard. He gave us a hideous statue of some bird from Zackly,’ he said and fell silent, looking at me with a deadpan expression.
I scratched my neck and exclaimed, ‘Oh.’ It was something beyond interesting, a statue to adorn the barracks never hurts, but I didn’t grasp what the heart of the matter was. Silence spread between us; Levi looking at me blankly, as if waiting for something, and me having no idea what it could be.
Finally, he exhaled and glared at me. ‘What do you want us to do with the statue?’
My eyes widened in understanding. Sure, if I was in charge! I instantly assumed a stance of authority (squaring my shoulders and looking steadily, just as I’ve seen royal court ministers do) and in my best voice, ordered, ‘Leave it in the courtyard until Erwin returns.’ Because even though I was in charge, I didn’t think I had the authority to make certain kinds of decisions—like that one, which would affect us in the long run. What if I decided to set it up in your office, and you got upset? Or in the restroom, and everyone thought it was awkward having a bird watching us all day?”
Erwin drums his fingers on the hard table, losing patience. Maybe asking her to recount the entire day wasn’t such a great idea after all.
“Any place would have been fine. Hange, how about we focus on what’s important?”
“Oh, of course. As I was saying… After sharing my orders, Levi craned his neck to peer into my lab and crossed his arms over his chest. ‘What nonsense have you been doing all day stuck in here?’ he asked.
I shrugged at his curt tone. Sure, it’s standard for him, but we weren’t on the best of terms at the time, and the angrier he sounded, the more I remembered why. Without waiting for an answer, Levi rushed inside and covered his nose with his cravat.
‘This is disgusting,’ he said, eyes fixed on a bubbly pink liquid I’d just made.
‘It’s supposed to be,’ I replied proudly. Hours of hard work had paid off. ‘I’ve been researching what makes us humans feel, the things that attract us. And I’ve discovered that the best way to control or influence something is through what they like or want. So I think titans might react better to something positive than…’
The whole time Levi didn’t stop looking at me with indifference, sitting in the only chair free of papers and crossing his arms. He seemed about to fall asleep; I don’t know what exactly, but something in his features, in the evident contempt they showed, or in the rigidity of his posture, crushed my chest. It had been a week since I’d taken his cleaning supplies out of the warehouse to free up space for my research materials, and honestly, it never crossed my mind that these would be stolen soon after!
You know, I still felt guilty about it, even though I’d already apologized a thousand times. Since then, and even though Levi had told me it didn’t matter anymore, I still perceived traces of anger in him directed like bullets burning at my neck. Levi had never been angry with me for so long before (he’s not one to hold a grudge), which added some tension to the atmosphere, or at least that’s what I felt. And perhaps, I surmised, that was why he was so apathetic to my explanation.
I showed him a diagram that I’d painstakingly drawn myself. ‘So, if titans react to this the same way humans do...’
Levi yawned, which tied my guts in knots and pricked my chest. Thousands of thoughts filled my head at that moment. What if Levi didn’t want to be my friend anymore? What if he never forgave me? What if he no longer enjoyed spending time with me? Although he may seem harsh and distant, the truth is that deep down he cares about the people around him, and is continually kind enough to listen to me and think about my constant stream of ideas. I’d always counted on it, but now he hated me and wouldn’t want to be my friend anymore, which didn’t sit well with me. That was the last thing I wanted.
Thus, in the middle of my talk, I brewed his favorite tea, cleaned the table until it shone to make him feel more comfortable, and tried to joke more than necessary, all to bring a little smile to his mouth and stop him from being mad at me.
It didn’t work. He continued yawning and wearing his ‘I wish I was anywhere but here’ face.
‘You get it?’ I inquired after finishing my talk on human chemicals.
‘That’s sheer nonsense and not helpful at all,’ he replied.
Ouch . My heart fell to my feet. I wanted him to understand the importance of it and enjoy being around me as much as before. Not because I personally wished for it, of course, but because we’re comrades and our squads are always a team on the biggest missions and all that. Wishing to be on good terms with him was for nothing but the benefit of the mission.
I muttered, somewhat discouraged. ‘But it might work...’
‘Mmm.’ Levi went to the door to leave. Clearly, being in my presence was so excruciating that he couldn’t take it another minute.
I wanted to emphasize that I really had thought his cleaning supplies were safe, so I hurried after him. But unfortunately, I didn’t have time to say anything.
I stumbled, knocking over all the jars that were on the table. The crash of shattering glass filled the room, followed by a thick mist of hundreds of scents rising and wafting around. The essence of mint and lemon stood out mixing in my nose.
‘If you’re going to fall like that, why do you have those shitty glasses?’ Levi asked in front of me, shaking his head in disapproval. After a few seconds, he reluctantly helped me to my feet.
I tried to calm the sudden heat on my face. Now I was a person who had no good ideas, and apart from everything, clumsy! But something popped out of my embarrassed mind… all my creations had spilled, including…
‘Close the door!’ I yelled at Levi in a panic, who at first ignored me. ‘There may be dangerous substances in the air! Don’t let them get out of here!’
Yet, most of the vapor from the liquids had already spread all over the place, making closing the door useless. Still, Levi did close it—unimaginably slowly, by the way.
‘What dangerous substances?’ He showed no sign of alarm, which exasperated me. He should’ve been as frightened as I was in such an emergency!
Although I’d carried out numerous tests before developing the compounds, everything had remained theoretical. I cringed, hugging my arms against me. Nothing guaranteed how others would react to whatever I’d created.
What had I just done?
‘Most of it isn’t proven, but I tried to extract certain components and create something that I called love-potion. Well, not that exactly, but alike…”
Levi ran a hand through his hair, managing to mess it up in a rarely seen development. On second thought, maybe he wasn’t as calm as I first thought. ‘What the fuck is that?’
‘It’s a chemical that—’
He waved a hand to shut me up. ‘How is it going to affect us? Will it kill us?’
‘No, no. Of course not,’ I reassured him, garnishing my words with a light laugh. I hoped so, at least. ‘The point is that these are not normal substances; I modified and combined them to apply them against the titans. Under other circumstances they wouldn’t do much, but…’ I bit my lip, anxiety causing my hands to move from place to place nonstop. ‘Do you feel any different?’
Levi took a deep breath and looked down at his body. ‘No. You?’
I shook my head. For real, Erwin, I didn’t feel anything amiss. Nothing at all!” Hange leans towards Erwin fervently.
Erwin raises an eyebrow at her insistence. “Very well. Keep going.”
Her shoulders seem to relax. “Well. While it was a little hot, I did not open any windows for fear of spreading the substances further. I started walking around the lab in front of Levi's grimace of irritation, and stopped when a high-pitched scream sliced the air.
‘Maybe we should see what’s going on with the others,’ I suggested.
A wave of murmurs from out of the door swept us away from the lab.
Outside there was chaos . Many were beating each other up, punches flying through the air and hitting the most unsuspecting faces. Vases, paintings, everything ended up destroyed between the multiple fights taking place around us. And as many as were fighting, others were paired up, clinging to one another in steamy kisses.
I felt out of place immediately. Survey Corps are usually very discreet, because of the rules and everything, but any inhibitions seemed to have flown out the window.
‘What does this all mean?’ Levi mumbled next to me in surprise.
I put a finger on my chin. ‘Could the potion have caused certain sensations to increase? With all my modifications… maybe they’re making them perform with less…’ A couple in front of us began taking off their clothes.
Interesting , I thought. I wondered, could it be that the substances evoked new sensations, or did they only increase them? I looked at a couple that I never imagined had feelings for each other. Did that mean that everyone present was simply manifesting something that already existed, only to a lesser extent? Then I met another couple who had been together for years. It was fascinating—was there a limit to the level to which these sensations could be intensified?
‘Stop watching everyone like that,’ Levi scolded me. ‘And tell me how we fix this.’
‘I think...’My mind swam with theories, passages from my previous readings, and the experiments I’d performed days before. ‘I think water might help dissipate some of the substance. Possibly.’ Hopefully, that’d do it.
‘Water,’ Levi echoed next to me. He strode off into the courtyard, while I stood studying my surroundings. From the way some were looking at others in confusion, this hadn’t affected everyone. But why? Was it possible that they didn’t have any pre-existing sensations of that kind? Or perhaps…
‘Zoe! What the heck is going on?’ a voice broke the reigning mess.
‘Commander Shadis! I mean, ex-commander!’
Shadis appeared elbowing his way out of the crowd. He’d cut his hair shorter since the last time I’d seen him, when he retired, but he was still as tall and looking as admirable as ever, if not more so. ‘Don’t worry, everything is under control,’ I told him.
Levi emerged from the crowd with buckets full of water. He gave Shadis a contemptuous look and shoved a bucket against his chest—exceedingly roughly, if I may say. ‘They should get back to normal with this.’
Shadis accepted the bucket and tossed the water at a couple, who immediately broke apart, blinking in confusion.
‘What’s happening?’ one of them, a blond man, asked.
‘The water was freezing!’ the other man complained, holding back a shudder.
‘I’ll get more,’ Shadis announced and disappeared into the multitude.
Then some members of the Levi squad arrived. Sweat permeated Petra’s forehead as she lunged at Levi without further ado. He stood motionless until Eld grabbed her arms and pulled her away. But Petra seemed stronger than usual as she struggled to free herself. She was clearly one of the most affected.
‘I think you should take her away,’ I told Eld, because of course she was only going to interfere with our efforts to fix everything. She had to go, and as quickly as possible.
Levi cocked his head. ‘Maybe we should keep her close, lest she gets hurt away from my supervision.’
I clenched my jaw as something burned in my chest.
‘No,’ I vehemently denied and ordered Eld to take her far, far away—for the sake of our current mission, obviously. At that, Armin, Mikasa, and Eren managed to get to us, almost out of breath. Armin, oddly enough, had a large reddish bruise on his cheek.
‘Squad leader, Captain! What’s going on? What do we do?’ Armin blurted.
I watched them carefully. ‘Don’t you guys feel different?’
‘Err …’ Eren combed his eyebrow, deep in thought. ‘We had to run from Jean, and Armin pounced at Annie a little while ago, but other than that…’
Armin turned almost as red as his bruise while Mikasa adjusted her scarf. I weighed his words, exchanging my attention between one and the other. In my mind, there had always been something lurking under the surface between Eren and Mikasa, so I began theorizing why they didn’t feel any different.
Levi handed an overflowing bucket to Armin. ‘Go for more water and get everyone who seems out of themselves wet.’
Eren stood up and placed a hand on his chest in the typical Survey Corps salute. ‘Understood, Captain!’
‘We should go get more water too.’ Levi strode toward the courtyard with me on his heels. Outside it was getting darker and the freezing air made me rub my arms. Everyone was frantically looking up at the sky. At a second glance, I saw that it wasn’t at the sky, but rather, at the roof of one of the buildings. Mike was into it, and if his slight sway was any indicator, pretty hammered.
‘Nanaba!’ Mike yelled, slurring the syllables and confirming my worst suspicions. He was quite drunk, which together with the substance of my creation… was not a good mix, without a doubt. ‘I love you!’
‘Mike!’ I shouted, hands around my mouth to project my voice. If anything happened to him, it was totally my fault. ‘Get down from there, it’s dangerous. Nana is visiting her family, remember?! She can’t hear you!’
Mike waved his hands in front of him. ‘I'm not leaving until I see her!’
He began to wobble. Pure ice chilled my veins, my heart drilling in my ears. I spotted a discarded ODM gear in a corner and scrambled to put it on at full speed.
‘What the fuck are you doing?!’ Levi didn’t seem to know what to do, glancing around in panic.
Mike fell.
I activated the grappling hook and one of the cables caught on a wall, propelling me into the air. I caught Mike in the middle of his fall, but when I activated the hook again, it didn’t respond. We hit the wall and slid to the bottom. I can’t recall much about the fall, just that I woke up on the ground. My bones ached and my back was against something hard that wedged between my shoulder blades, my skin clammy with sweat.
Levi’s face appeared in front of me with wild eyes. And… that’s it.”
Erwin sits up straighter, surprised by the sudden denouement. He opens his mouth and closes it. Opens it again. “How is that everything? What happened to the statue?”
Hange jerks a shoulder, rubbing her lips for a second. “I must have knocked it over in the fall. That’s it.” She avoids meeting his eyes, keeping them fixed on her hands, which are clasped in her lap. “Everyone has been thrilled to contribute to the discovery of the true effects of the substances released that day. According to the interviews I’ve conducted with those affected, most confess to having harbored romantic feelings for the people they ambushed that day, although to a lesser extent. I just want to add that I consider that my investigation should not be affected by this, but ultimately, I’ll accept whatever punishment you decide to give me. Can I go now?”
There’s something… odd in Hange’s behavior. Erwin studies her from the small slits of his narrowed eyes. Everything from her posture, actions, and even the way she ended her declaration makes him a little suspicious. She’s hiding something from him, and Erwin wants to know what, and wants to know why.
“Are you sure that’s all you have to say?”
Hange nods and jumps up. “If that’s really all, I’ll see you at dinner!”
“Wait,” Erwin stops her. Hange pauses with one hand on the door and one foot already outside his office. She doesn’t turn as she waits for him to elaborate. “Tell Levi to come over.”
That does seem to startle her. She pivots to him, her hyperactive gaze bouncing around the office. “Levi? Why?”
Erwin doesn’t answer her question, and soon, Levi is the one sitting in the same chair Hange just vacated.
“What do you want?” is the first thing Levi says/spits out. He doesn’t seem to be in a good mood, but again, there’s not much new in that.
“You must already know why I called you here.” At his silence, Erwin continues, “Do you remember anything from the day of the disaster?”
Levi doesn’t change his expression, but he crosses his arms over his chest. “My memory isn’t so screwed up that I can’t remember something so recent.”
“Of course.” Erwin’s hand gestures for him to continue. “Tell me everything you remember.”
“Some substances that Hange created expanded, we fixed it with water, in the commotion that ugly statue that Zackly sent us broke. End of story.”
Erwin suppresses a growl of frustration. While that is, in fact, what strictly happened, it doesn’t tell him much more than he already knew. And with certainty, it doesn’t shed light on the doubts that Hange’s behavior encouraged.
“Why don’t you tell me your whole day?” Recalling Hange’s ramblings, Erwin corrects himself, “From the time of the incident.”
Levi’s arms tighten against his chest. “Shadis arrived with the statue and was demanding a place to put it, so I went to four-eyes, since you left her in charge.
Upon arrival, she merely told me to leave the statue where it was, so I didn’t see the need to return to communicate something so irrelevant. The lab looked worse than usual, probably because I hadn’t cleaned it in the past few days, as my cleaning supplies had been stolen.
I decided to stay a little longer. After all, there was nothing entertaining to do on such an uneventful day. Hange had been acting more abnormally than usual, avoiding being around me for a long time, so I set out to discover what was wrong with her. I settled into the only free chair and, as always, began to listen to her.
And also as always, she quickly forgot about my existence, lost in her crazy theories. I’m sure most of the time she didn’t even realize I was in the room, but I listened anyway. It was a kind of interesting subject.
Meanwhile, Hange continued acting strangely. She made a cup of tea and put it on the table, then threw some disgusting-looking spices at it. Then she started making the weirdest jokes, maybe thinking she was around her beloved titans again.
‘You get it?’ she asked me, finally acknowledging my presence.
I did. She proposed to use her untested substances on an uncaptured Titan for fear of losing one she already had in custody. Never mind that getting close to one was already difficult enough, and doing so to inject it with I-don’t-know-what didn’t seem feasible to me.
‘That’s not a viable plan,’ I told her. Her face fell and I could tell she hadn’t taken it well. But facts are facts. Doing such a thing, without any assurance of its effectiveness, was too dangerous.
‘But it might work...’
I doubted it. She deflated and leaned all her weight on her hands on the table, looking drained. I got up and headed for the exit to get some rolls from the kitchen, which she usually enjoys. Out of the blue, she lunged for the door and…” Levi’s voice trails off to silence.
Erwin frowns in confusion. Why the abrupt quietness? “And…?”
Levi rearranges his cravat and places one leg over the other. His tone lacks inflection as he enunciates, “And I lost my balance and fell against the table, breaking all the jars and causing the disaster.”
Erwin’s mind goes blank for a second. “Are you saying… You were the one who caused the accident?”
“Isn’t that what I said?” Levi lifts an irritated eyebrow.
“That was not what Hange stated.”
Levi shrugs, his stare dipping into the stacks of papers on Erwin’s desk. “Well…. She was distracted. I remember it better.”
“Huh.” Erwin detects the abundant discrepancies between the two stories, but does not mention them. He finds it better to wait until the end to get a more complete picture. “Okay. Keep going.”
“All the jars were broken and a kind of mist that smelled like earth enveloped us.” Levi wrinkles his nose. “I got up and saw that Hange was on the ground.” His eyes widen and he hastens to add, “Because she must have fallen after me, when she looked at all her work on the floor.”
Erwin nods. “And what happened next?”
Levi continues, “I told her she should be more careful and helped her up. The place was even messier than before. With or without cleaning supplies, it would take several hours to return it to its state free of dirt and slimy materials.
‘Close the door!’ Hange cried out, which shocked me so much that I froze. ‘There may be dangerous substances in the air! Don’t let them get out of here!’
I hurried to close the door. ‘What dangerous substances?’ I asked. Thousands of scenarios paraded through my mind, of everyone vomiting in the corridors and stinking every corner of the barracks. That sounded horrible and caused apprehension to snake through my stomach.
‘Most of it isn’t proven, but I tried to extract certain components and create something that I called love-potion.’ Hange looked scared, her hands shaking as she rubbed her chin.
I ran a hand through my hair to calm myself down a bit. There had been accidents like this in Hange’s lab before, so we had nothing to fear—I hoped. Love-potion , that term tasted very strange to my tongue.
‘What the fuck is that?’
‘It’s a chemical that—’
There was no time to hear what it was. The important thing was its repercussions, so I cut her, ‘How is it going to affect us? Will it kill us?’
‘No, no. Of course not,’ she told me. And she rubbed her lips. Four-eyes always rubs her lips when she lies. ‘The point is that these aren’t normal substances; I modified and mixed them to apply them against the titans. In other circumstances they wouldn't do much, but… Do you feel differently?’
I didn’t. I was a little warm, but no more than that. She said she didn’t either, so we went outside to see what was going on.
Outside everyone was out of their minds. The hallways were chaotic, full of rubbish and remains of the decorations that usually lie in the corridors. All around, most of the Corps were either fighting or kissing—and I didn’t know which was worse. It was like a carnival night, one with everything trapped in a tiny flea box.
‘What does this all mean?’ I muttered, observing one of the cadets grab a wine bottle and throw it on the floor. Wine is so hard to clean...
Hange said, ‘Could the substances have caused certain sensations to increase? With all my modifications… maybe they’re also making them perform with less…’ She remade her ponytail, her eyes acquiring an inquisitive air. She couldn’t take her eyes off a couple undressing, so I nudged her.
‘Stop ogling and tell me how we fix this.’
She told me water might help, so I went looking for some. The courtyard was in equal conditions with the interior, even though the acts of madness seemed to manifest themselves to a lesser extent there, perhaps because of the gusts of icy air that chilled to the teeth.
When I returned, Hange was twisting a strand of her hair around a finger and smiling stupidly at Shadis. If possible, that old man looked worse than when he was a commander, with huge bags under his eyes that made him resemble a raccoon and his usual skeletal body.
I handed a bucket to the baldy. ‘They should get back to normal with this,’ I told him. Shadis threw the water at a couple, proving Hange’s theory true. The water did help.
Shadis finally left and we met up with my squad. Petra seemed affected by the substances, so I thought I’d stick around to supervise her care, but Hange suggested that hurrying up to get everyone wet was a better idea—which was true. Then the newly arrived brats caught up with us and, after telling them what to do, they left with their homework.
That’s when Hange and I went out of the building for more water, where there was a ruckus for some reason. Mike was goofing around on one of the rooftops.
‘Nanaba!’ he screamed, clearly intoxicated, as well as affected by Hange’s experiments.
He began to wobble. I looked around, panic running through my arms. There was no way he was going to survive a fall from that height, but there was also nothing to do in such a short amount of time... Hange darted around a corner and put on an ODM gear that had been abandoned there for a reason: it was evidently faulty.
‘What the fuck are you doing? That thing doesn’t work!’ I chided her, but she ignored me. Mike fell and she jumped at him, puffs of gas shooting her up until she caught him in her arms. But as expected, the device didn’t work beyond that, and they ended up sliding down the wall to the ground.
They landed with a thud. Mike was rolling on the ground, muttering nonsense, but Hange was motionless and as limp as a corpse.
My stomach swirled in coldness, so much so that nausea made me dizzy. I tried to swallow, but couldn’t. I dragged my feet toward them and…” Levi’s palms rub against his pants, too caught up in the potency of his memory to notice.
Erwin chimes in, “What happened then?”
Levi stiffens, as if realizing that he’s in front of Erwin, and not at that moment in the past. His features harden. “… And I knocked over the statue when I was going towards them. Is that what you wanted to hear?"
Is that what you wanted to hear? Levi’s words resonate through the walls of Erwin’s office. More than a statement of the truth, it sounds like what someone would confess to get away from the loud and annoying buzzing of an insect. And yet, not the truth.
Was that what he wanted to hear? Obviously not, because what Erwin wants are the unequivocal and objective facts. And call it experience or mere instinct, but he can’t shake the idea that whatever they’re keeping from him must have happened somewhere between Hange’s fall and the statue’s destruction. He doubts either of them told him the honest truth on the important details, but why lie, both of them?
What are they trying to hide?
It’s not like a salary deduction to pay for damages is such a big deal.
“Thank you, Levi. You can go.”
“Just tell Hange to stop calling everyone for interviews. Everyone’s annoyed, and they’re beginning to complain about how intrusive her questions are.”
“I’ll keep it in mind. Hold on—when you leave, call…” Erwin steeples his hands in front of him, calculating the locations of each of the barracks’ inhabitants at the time of the incident. Who was there, who can convey nothing but the truth? “Armin, Mikasa and Eren.”
Levi pales for a moment, but immediately regains his composure and gives him a curt nod. “Understood.”
Eren enters first, Mikasa and Armin tagging along after him. They take the seat across from Erwin, Eren sitting up straight, Mikasa giving nothing away in her expression, and Armin arranging and rearranging the collar of his jacket.
If Erwin is correct, they should value his authority more than the last two subjects he questioned. He tries to show them a warm smile. “Welcome. Do you know why you’re here?”
Armin glances over his two silent companions. “To talk about the day Hange-san caused a disaster.”
“That’s right.” Erwin leans back with his hands languidly on his abdomen. A relaxed image and, most of all, friendly. “Would you mind telling me what happened?”
Mikasa is the one who answers. “We were in the Mess Hall when it started. They all turned…”
“Crazy,” Eren fills in for her. “Someone from the next table, I don’t recall her name...”
“Lynne,” Armin reminds him.
“Yeah, Lynne.” Eren nods. “She started breathing incredibly faster. Her eyes darkened at Gelgar, and in a blink, the two of them were making out on the ground.”
“Not just them. Everyone else was doing…” Armin clears his throat. “Alike things .”
It must’ve been quite a terrifying sight. According to most, being the busiest room, the Mess Hall was one of the worst places to be at the time. Erwin adopts a soft tone, rich in understanding. “I imagine how it must have been. Didn’t you feel anything unusual?”
Eren and Mikasa sit up straighter. “No,” they affirm in unison.
Armin’s cheeks turn bright red. He flashes a nervous smile. “I did… a little… but…”
“We got him under control,” Mikasa explains. “Well, Annie did.”
Eren stifles a laugh. “With a heavy blow.”
Armin looks so mortified that Erwin is quick to change the subject. “Do you know what happened to the statue that was in the courtyard?”
Their faces close, drowning out any sound in a switch of atmosphere. There’s something here, Erwin speculates while the stillness tightens around them, waiting for some reaction to break it. Eren’s eyes lock on the ceiling, his brows slightly furrowed, and Mikasa stares at Erwin, unflinchingly. A bead of sweat slides from Armin’s hairline to his jaw.
“So?” Erwin presses.
“We don’t remember,” Eren snaps at the same time Armin exclaims, “We didn’t mean to!”
Erwin conceals a smirk. Touché . “I see. It wasn’t intentional?”
Eren purses his lips and shuts up. Armin swallows and tentatively opens his mouth. “The thing is…”
“We were just fulfilling the mission the Captain gave us,” Eren grunts.
“I’m not blaming anyone.” Erwin spreads his hands and moves them in a calming manner. “But I’d like to know how, exactly, it broke.”
“We were out in the courtyard looking for more water,” Eren recounts, “when Squad Leader Mike fell from a rooftop and Hange-san rescued him. They fell to the ground and…”
“And Captain Levi moved towards them.” Armin’s features turn solemn, as if he’s weighing what he’s about to say.
“He was beside himself. He dropped to the ground next to them and grabbed Hange-san’s shoulders. He shook her, but she didn’t respond. For a moment I thought she was dead. With a trembling voice, the Captain shouted, ‘Four-eyes, wake up!’, the cords on his tense neck so visible that he seemed about to explode. Then, Hange-san opened her eyes, and the captain wrung his hands without knowing what to do. She managed to sit up and told him, ‘Easy, I’m fine.’ But he didn’t seem to believe her, his face as white as if he’d just seen a ghost. She put her hands on his shoulders to reassure him and he leaned in until…” Armin’s cheeks flush more intensely, if possible. “… until they kissed. A little like, desperately.”
Erwin jerks his head up, his facial muscles slackening.
Did he truly just hear what he just heard? Is this what they’d been hiding?
“It was weird,” Mikasa adds.
Eren shakes his head. “It was disgusting.”
“It was romantic!” Armin contradicts them.
Erwin, for once, is speechless. He rubs the bridge of his nose. Hange and Levi? It never crossed his mind, but now that he listened to this… It kind of makes perfect sense, doesn’t it? He sees them daily, and yet, any other day he’d have said no, it’s impossible, they’re too distinct! Opposites, somehow. Regardless… They do fit each other perfectly, and are the ideal complement for one another—he always pairs them on missions for that very reason, after all.
Memories filed as irrelevant due to their everydayness parade in front of Erwin’s eyes. Them talking late, Levi staying in her lab for hours, even after finishing cleaning it up. Hange turning first to Levi to tell him the most exciting of her recent discoveries. Even this recent interrogation contains details he wouldn’t have noticed if he weren’t looking. Undoubtedly one, or both, lied more than once to protect the other from his inquiries. The discrepancies in their stories are ridiculous at times, but they reflect more of themselves than they care to admit.
The truth can be enlightening, yet it can also be uncomfortable. In this case, it’s the latter. Erwin always regarded himself as someone who knew his subordinates’ inner thinking to a fault. For the first time, he realizes how his perception has been clouding his judgment while watching his friends’ interactions.
He still doesn’t know the entire truth, though... “And the statue?”
“The Captain told us to throw water to those who seemed out of their minds,” Eren excuses himself as Armin facepalms. “What?! The Captain and Hange-san looked that way to me! I ran and threw a bucket at them, soaking them, but with the impulse, I tripped, and fell against the statue…”
Armin makes a face. “An unfortunate accident.”
An unfortunate, expensive , accident. Erwin has no energy left to scold them. “Thank you for your honesty, but you should’ve told me before.” They nod without much strength. Erwin sighs. “Very well, you may go now.”
Erwin’s brain busies itself gathering memories of Levi and Hange, actions he’s caught but never analyzed. Barely a minute after the trio left his office, Armin’s head peeks out from the door, stopping his ruminations. “Commander?”
“Armin. Is something the matter?”
“It’s just…” Armin tiptoes in, turning and turning his head toward the half-closed door, as if making sure no one is listening. Lowers his voice until it’s barely a whisper. “Eren told me that he actually felt something. But that it was so tenuous that ignoring those sensations did not mean much of a problem for him.”
“I see.” Erwin’s mind races, but halts when he perceives the words trapped in Armin’s mouth. “I take it you have a theory about it?”
Armin nods several times and sits back down. He leans forward secretly. “I think Hange-san must already know this, but I… I believe there’s a limit to what you’re capable of feeling, and that control over yourself depends on practice. I think that people with deeper feelings, those who are more used to holding them back daily, did not find doing it a little more to be difficult. At least, this applies to Eren.”
Erwin reflects on it. “Therefore, you think the substances didn’t have much of an effect on people like Hange and Levi because their emotions were already strong enough, and they’re used to constantly pushing them away.”
“Maybe it’s just that they have more self-control than most of us.” Armin shrugs, his bright blue eyes wandering into theories. “I find this quite interesting...” Now I understand why Hange loves discussing with this kid, Erwin muses. His mind has potential. “Anyway… I should go now. They must be wondering where I am.”
After Armin’s departure, Erwin gets up and goes to the Mess Hall, where everyone is gathered for dinner. He pauses in the doorway, the multiple scents of fresh food wafting up to his nose. His shoulder rests against the hard frame of the door. At the opposite table, Hange and Levi are sitting next to each other. No one would notice anything out of the ordinary, because there is none to the casual eye.
On closer inspection, however…
There is a certain warmth to Levi’s expression as he looks at Hange speaking to Nanaba, the corner of his mouth slightly curved. Casually, Levi leaves his muffin on her plate. Hange brightens at the prospect of another bread and starts devouring it. She slides a little closer to him until their legs all but touch under the table.
After finishing the pastry, she turns her body toward him and starts babbling. Her entire attention is focused on, for once, something other than her titans or research. Levi snatches her glasses and shakes his head in mock disgust before wiping them on his shirt. Grinning, she blinks without seeing a thing.
Instead of giving her glasses back immediately, Levi stares directly into her brown eyes for an extra second, until she lets out a nervous laugh and a reddish hue paints her neck. He roughly throws her glasses at her and she catches them. They both turn to the others at the table and resume their respective conversations, their elbows brushing here and there without either of them recognizing it. And just like that, it’s like nothing happened.
It was all so subtle, that it isn’t surprising that he hadn’t noticed it before. But it is, doubtlessly, there. Perhaps Erwin didn’t need so many interrogations to find out the truth, since it was always in front of his eyes, if only he’d looked more closely.
Erwin lets out a long breath and walks over to join them at their table.
When will those two admit something of what they keep buried inside? Will the day come when they act according to what their feelings truly are?
Probably not, Erwin concludes. Not without some disappointment . Not unless they’re in another life-or-death situation, or until they get involved in another accident amidst substances with similar effects.
Although such a thing might be unnecessary. Maybe both of them are quite content merely with what they have right now, that distance as well as closeness. Seeing Hange’s cheeks glowing every time Levi makes a bad joke, Erwin is sure. What they share is more than enough for them.
This , the powerful bond they currently have without the need for words or labels, is all that matters.
As it should.