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“Fuck. Ya.”
Katsuki looked down at his hands. They were, well, hands, he guessed. More like noodles than anything he was used to, though. He looked past them, down at where his feet weren’t. Hm. No legs, no feet. Nothing but a sense of springiness in his torso and a flat-edged tail.
Oh, what the actual fuck. He had a tail.
He slapped it against the ground, making a metallic sound. It propelled him upward a bit, and he bounced when he hit the ground.
“Fuck,” he said, again.
He was a motherfucking Dynamy.
“Fuck! Fuck! FUCK YA!” Katsuki screeched, only it came out all squeaky and cute! Shit! He wasn’t cute! He was scary and tough! He was going to be the greatest Pokémon master of all time!
It was that purple fucker’s fault! No doubt! One minute, Katsuki had been prepping his special dinner blend for Cherry Bomb - his badass Cyndaquil - and then the next, a weird floaty Pokémon had swooped in out of nowhere!
It wasn’t like any Pokémon he had ever seen, and it hadn’t stayed still enough for him to capture on his Pokédex, either.
In any case, not only had the stupid thing evaded his Pokédex, it had tried to steal Cherry’s food! Katsuki was not about to let some loser wild Pokébitch steal his hardworking Cyndaquil’s food.
So Katsuki had tried to scare it off, and when that didn’t work, he’d naturally tried to catch the damn thing.
He’d called out Cherry, but after a quick back and forth between the two Pokémon that Katsuki definitely didn’t understand, Cherry had just jumped right back into her fucking Pokéball! She and Katsuki would be having words about that later!
Right after that, the purple fucker had tried to steal Cherry’s food again. Katsuki had considered letting it just take it, but had snatched the food away before the Pokémon could get a taste, anyway. That’s what it got for making his precious Cherry turn against him.
The Pokémon had gotten an annoyed look on its face, and Katsuki had only a second to wonder if trying to fight an unknown Pokémon was really such a good idea. Then the entire world had flashed white, and the next thing Katsuki knew he was only nine inches tall and had no fuckin’ legs.
That pretty much brought the situation up to speed.
Katsuki spun around. Moving with his tail was surprisingly reflexive. The purple fucker was gone and so was Cherry’s food. Thieving bastard.
Wait - Cherry!
Katsuki froze, a sudden chill running down his spine. Or, well - did he have a spine like this? Were Dynamy’s vertebrates? Fuck - they better be. If that purple bitch had removed his spine he was going to freak the fuck out. Even more than he already was. Anyway - back to the panic.
Ahem.
Where the fuck was Cherry?!
“Fuck, fuck fuck?” Katsuki hopped around - goddamn the world was so fucking huge! - and found his bag and other supplies quickly. There, on his bag’s strap, was Cherry’s singular Pokéball. For the first time, he was glad that he hadn’t caught any other Pokémon yet. (In the few months since he’d started training, none of the Pokémon he’d come across had been strong enough, alright?)
“Fuck? Fuck ya!” Katsuki hit the Pokéball with his tail, but without thumbs he couldn’t manage to unlatch it from the belt, and so couldn’t let her out.
Pokémon could stay in their balls for a long time, of course, but it generally wasn’t good for them… especially not ones who were going to be champions! Cherry needed sunshine and food and exercise!
And who knew how long Katsuki was going to be stuck like this? With any luck, this was just a stupid move that the purple Pokébitch knew, and it would wear off within an hour or two. For some reason though, Katsuki doubted it.
No, he knew it wouldn’t. He didn’t know how he knew, but he could tell that he was in trouble. Whatever that purple fucker had done to him was the real-fucking deal.
He’d been turned into a fucking Pokémon.
So in that case, he had to prioritize. Freak out later, he told himself. His first priority was Cherry. She was his responsibility, after all. Once he got her to a Pokécenter or something he could figure out the rest of it.
Yep. That was a solid plan. Fortunately too, Katsuki was amazing and he had an excellent sense of direction. Curling his tail around the belt, Katsuki tugged until it came dislodged from the rest of his backpack. Then he turned, bounding down the path he’d come from just that morning. The nearest town wasn’t too far!
Unfortunately, the world was much bigger now that Katsuki was a Pokémon, and he was a lot slower. Also, he had failed to account for the fact that being smaller meant that he looked… tastier, as well.
A Pidgeotto had come at him! A damn fucking Pidgeotto!
Fortunately, being attacked by a Pidgeotto had made Katsuki realize that he could, in fact, use attacks. It had been easy; One moment of panic and he’d been able to perform a simple Fire Flash. (That was one of the moves he’d taught Cherry, actually, so he wondered if he had somehow just learned her moves.)
Anyway after getting the fucking Pidgeotto to drop him, Katsuki had tried to be more careful, sticking to the sides of the path rather than bounding straight down the middle.
Then night had fallen.
Dragging Cherry’s Pokéball around, Katsuki had tried to snuggle down into the roots of a tree for a bit, but then some Weedles had come and chased him out.
Fucking Weedles! That was humiliating. If only Katsuki could get Cherry out of her ball, then she would wipe the floor with those stupid worms.
After that, he had tried to make a little bed of grass, but apparently that had disturbed a nearby Vileplume, who had gotten all uppity about Katsuki being there.
What? He couldn’t help that he was a fire type!
Then it had been the Weepinbell, and even a Politoed had gotten in on the “bully the Dynamy.”
So hours had passed, and Katsuki had become exhausted. He just wanted to rest and not get eaten! Was that too much to ask?!
Stupid mystery Pokémon! If he got eaten, and Cherry got stuck in her Pokéball, Katsuki was going to haunt that purple fucker. He was. He’d go full Hauntar on that fool’s ass!
By the time the sky began to pale again with the oncoming morning, Katsuki felt like he might scream out of combined exhaustion and stress.
Just then, a beam of light cut through the woods. It wasn’t the sun, because that was still a few hours off. It was a flashlight! A flashlight meant people! And people didn’t try to eat Dynamys.
…Usually.
Energy renewed, Katsuki bounded towards the cutting light.
As he got closer, a dreadfully familiar voice grew louder.
“ - But I think,” the voice said, “that the absolute worst attacks for a Water Type like you to try and learn would be Blast Burn, Blaze Kick, Incinerate, orrrrrr Solar Beam! They’re all fire attacks, and although there are cases where water types can learn fire attacks, you’re better off learning Hydro Pump, which is just as damaging. Though it's true that Solar Beam would be a big surprise in battle! What do you think?”
“Totodile!”
“Right! Let’s just focus on evolving you for now!”
Oh, fuck no, Katsuki thought. Absolutely not. Anyone but Deku! For the love of all Pokémon, please anyone but Deku!
But Katsuki hadn’t grown up with that little green twerp just to mistake his voice at a time like this. Reluctantly, Katsuki bounced forward until he was hidden just off the path.
Yep. There he was. Stupid green hair, stupid freckles, and stupid shiny Totodile held snug in his arms, just like always.
Deku looked dumb in the early morning light. The fog made his freckles look all glowy and his hair all sparkly.
Why is he even out here? Katsuki wondered. The last time he’d seen Deku had been almost a month ago. They’d battled it out - Cherry versus stupid Tokkun, or whatever Deku called his Tododile.
Cherry had won of course. Despite the type disadvantage she wouldn’t be taken out by a Pokémon of Deku’s. Though… it had come very close, Katsuki admitted. In any case, it was weird that Deku was here. Maybe he’d come hoping to catch some wild Pokémon? That’s why Katsuki had come all this way too…
Well, fuck. Whatever the reason, Deku was here.
For a moment, Katsuki considered letting Deku go on his merry way and continuing down the path on his own. He’d run into someone else eventually, right? Katsuki disregarded the idea as stupid though. He’d been lucky to not run into any strong Pokémon so far, and he’d also been lucky that he had a type advantage over all the stupid plant Pokémon in the forest.
All it would take was one wrong move and he’d get eaten, and then Cherry would have no one to take her to ultimate victory!
With a deep and sighing “fuck,” Katsuki decided to bite the bullet. Cherry’s Pokéball in tow, he bounded out onto the path.
“Fuck!” He called, “Fuck! Ya!”
“Huh?” Deku’s flashlight cut through the early morning fog, hitting Katsuki square across the face. He blinked harshly, raising one of his stupid noodle arms to block the light. “Oh my gosh, look Tokkun! A Dynamy! Wait, what’s a Dynamy doing all the way out here? That’s so weird… Oh I should catch it! Go, Tokkun!”
The green Tododile jumped down immediately, and Katsuki began to curse up a storm. Both in his head, and out loud.
(Katsuki had to admit that if he was doomed to only say one more word for the rest of his life, he was rather glad that that word was ‘fuck.’)
There was no way he was going to let Deku catch him though! No fucking way! He’d rather be eaten by a Pidgy! Fortunately, Deku’s Pokémon was a bit more observant than the nerd himself.
“Todo-dile?” The Tododile stopped, and then gestured at Cherry’s Pokéball and belt, still caught in the curl of Katsuki’s tail.
“Huh?” Deku asked. Then, “oh! He has a Pokéball! That’s so weird… Let me see…”
Deku approached closer, even going down onto his knees in front of Katsuki. Whoa. He was… really big, like this.
“Hey little guy!” Deku said. His eyes were so huge and green. Katsuki’s tiny heart was beating so loud that he felt like the entire forest could hear it. He wanted to be pissed about it, but… Deku reached out, and patted Katsuki’s head.
After being suddenly turned into a creature only a fraction of his real size, stressing about keeping Cherry safe, and running from creatures bigger and stronger than him all night, the stress finally got to Katsuki.
“F-Fuu…” He said, and fat tears began rolling down his face. Stupid Deku, he thought. Why did it have to be him…
“There, there,” Deku said, scooping Katsuki up so easily that it just made him cry all that much harder. He hugged Katsuki to his chest, and Katsuki tried to pretend like he didn’t hug Deku back. “It’s okay little guy! Were you protecting your friend while they’re in their Pokéball? Where’s your trainer? Are they hurt, maybe? Can you take us to them?”
“Fu-fuck!”
“What strange vocalizations for a Dynamy… well alright… there, there. Here, let’s let your friend out, okay?” Deku uncurled his tail from Cherry’s belt, and tugged her Pokéball with the ease that only an ape-descendent could hope to achieve.
“Go, whoever you are!” Deku called, tossing Cherry’s ball up into the air.
Cherry emerged, and immediately, Katsuki felt a little bit of his stress dissolve away. Deku might be stupid and lame and pretty, but he would take good care of Cherry.
“Cyndaquil!” She said, head tilting up at Deku.
Katsuki wriggled until he could jump down from Deku’s arms, bouncing over to Cherry Bomb. “Fuck ya!” Katsuki called.
“Cyndaquil?!” Cherry looked Katsuki up and down, a look of shock translating surprisingly well on her face. Good, it looked like she recognized him.
Meanwhile, Deku made a painful gasping sound in the back of his throat. “Ch-cherry?” He asked. “O-oh no! Cherry? Wh-what are you doing here? Where is Kacchan?! What happened?!” Deku began to stand, looking around frantically as if Katsuki might suddenly emerge from the woods.
Well, he kind of had, Katsuki supposed. Just not in a form Deku would recognize.
“Fuck fuck!” Katsuki called.
Deku looked down at him, and then scooped Katsuki back up into his hands. “Are you Kacchan’s Dynamy?” He asked. “No - of course you are. Can you tell me - is Kacchan okay?!”
Why was Deku so worried? They were rivals, not friends. Hm. Maybe he was just pretending to care about Katsuki so that his Pokémon would let their guards down around him. Well ha! Katsuki saw right through his pathetic act! He’d never let his guard down around Deku. Never!
All the same, if Katsuki said that ‘he’ wasn’t okay, he got the distinct impression that Deku would do something stupid. So, hesitantly, he bobbed his head up and down.
Deku gave such a big sigh of relief that Katsuki felt a little guilty. Though he couldn’t quite say why.
“Thank goodness,” Deku said, eyes shining. He brought one of his hands up to pat Katsuki’s head again. After the second pat, Katsuki waved him off. That was enough of that. “Gosh, of course you’re Kacchan’s Pokémon,” Deku said. “You’re such a pretty Dynamy… actually you look a little like him, huh?” Deku giggled. “Is that why he caught you? No… I bet he picked you because you’re the strongest Dynamy around.”
Despite the silliness of it, Katsuki felt his chest puff up. He didn’t want to be the strongest Pokémon, but damn if he wouldn’t be until this thing wore off.
“Alrighty then,” Deku continued. He moved until Katsuki was gently placed on Deku’s shoulder. “Tokkun, new mission! We need to get Cherry and Dynamy back to Kacchan! Dynamy says he’s okay, but he’s probably worried sick over his Pokémon!”
Deku turned his head quickly, nearly dislodging Katsuki. Fortunately, Katsuki had already had the forethought to wrap his tail around the back of Deku’s neck to secure himself, so he was fine. “You did a great job protecting Cherry Bomb, Dynamy,” Deku said. “I’m sure Kacchan is very proud of you.”
Again, Katsuki felt his little chest puff up. Of course he had! He was the fucking best! No one would ever hurt his Pokémon on his watch.
So Deku walked on, three (sort of) Pokémon in tow. Every now and again, he’d cup his hands around his lips and call Katsuki’s name, loudly. Each time, Katsuki slapped his tail against the back of Deku’s neck.
I’m right here, he thought, there’s no need to shout at me!
Totodile and Cherry ran on ahead, and Katsuki watched them, a little annoyed. Totodile was way too friendly with what was supposed to be his number one rival, and he didn’t like how Cherry indulged him. Katsuki resolved to ignore their happy playing for now though, since there was nothing he could do about it.
As they walked, Deku kept up a steady stream of chatter. Normally, Katsuki got annoyed with the nerd’s babbling, but he kind of appreciated it, now. It was better than being bored, and it was nice to be talked to. It almost made him forget that he was less than a foot tall and had noodles for arms.
“I’m sorry we had to meet like this, Dynamy, but it is so great to meet you! Do you like having Kacchan as a trainer? I bet you do. Kacchan is the best. He’s a great trainer - I bet you’ll evolve into a strong Howitzer with him in no time! You’ll be practically unbeatable then!”
(Damn, could Katsuki evolve like this? He got the impression that that would be a bad idea.)
“Kacchan is my friend!” Deku continued, and Katsuki thought, liar. I don’t have any friends. He whacked the back of Deku’s neck again, but the nerd didn’t seem to really notice.
“Or… well… he used to be my b-best friend, I guess. I don’t know… once we both decided to become Pokémon trainers he stopped wanting to hang out… I guess we’re rivals now. Which is nice…! Because Kacchan wants to be the best and I want to be the best too, so it’s awesome getting to battle him! I always feel so pumped up around Kacchan!”
Huh. Katsuki hadn’t known that the nerd felt that way. He supposed he felt pumped up around Deku too, but only ‘cause he wanted to show Deku how much better than him he was… right? Agh, stupid Deku. Katsuki felt a little bit of guilt curl in his chest. He hadn’t meant to hurt Deku’s feelings or anything…
“Sometimes I feel like I might have ruined things though…” Deku said. He looked down at the ground, kicking a rock hard enough that it skittered off the path. Katsuki heard the rock hit something metal sounding, but was distracted by the next thing Deku said. “I miss being Kacchan’s friend a lot.”
“You do?” Katsuki asked. Or, well, he tried to. What he actually said was ‘Fuck ya.’ Not quite the same.
“Sorry,” Deku said, turning to fix Katuski with a smile. “I don’t mean to make you sad, Dynamy! You’re just kind of easy to talk to…” Deku brought a hand up, and Katsuki felt him once more pet through his hair. “You know,” Deku said, “it’s kind of funny, but when I look at you, I want to call you Kacchan…”
A metallic buzzing sound began to fill the air.
Deku jumped, startling backwards, and Katsuki nearly fell from his shoulder. He saw black and yellow stripes zipping through the forest a moment before a massive Beedrill was upon them. It looked pissed off, and it had one of its massive metal stingers pointed straight at Deku.
Katsuki didn’t think - he just moved.
“FUCK! YA!” He shouted, slamming into the massive bug. He managed to knock it off course, but only barely. The drill plunged into the ground instead of into Deku. The insect hissed angrily in response, and swatted Katsuki away.
Katsuki hit a tree - hard. His small body wasn’t meant to take blows like that, but he couldn’t stop, either. Cherry and Totodile were further up the trail, still playing. Without him, Deku would be totally helpless! His body ached with every bounce, but Katsuki flung himself back into the fray.
“Fuck!” He screamed, and released Fire Flash, knocking the Beedrill back. It wasn’t nearly enough, but… it bought them time. Cherry and Tokkun came rocketing back, lunging into the action just in the nick of time.
“Tokkun,” Deku called, taking control of the situation immediately, “Wave Crash, go! Cherry, support him with Fusion Flare! Dynamy - one more Fire Flash! You can do it!”
They did, and a moment later, the Beedrill limped back into the sky, giving up.
“Oh - my - gosh…” Deku said, and kind of… melted down to the ground. He got up a moment later, though he still looked like he might faint. “Is everyone okay?”
“Cyndaquil!”
“Totodile…”
“F-fuck.”
Katsuki was snatched back into Deku’s hands before he knew what was what. “Oh, Kacch - I mean, Dynamy, oh, I’m so sorry you got hurt. Here, let me see… Oh, that’s a nasty bruise. Don’t worry Dynamy, I’ll take you to the nearest Pokécenter right away alright?” Deku sniffed, and Katsuki whined a little when he was shifted the wrong way.
“I’m sorry,” Deku whimpered, “it’s all because I kicked that rock… I probably hit the poor Beedrill… and you got hurt protecting me.” He sniffed again. “Thank you for saving me. You were like my knight in shining armor… my real Dynamy Prince.”
Deku leaned forward. Katsuki was not prepared for the warm pair of lips to meet his tiny cheek, but that was exactly what he got. An electric current raced from the kissed spot all the way down to his non-existent toes, and he nearly started buzzing in place. Katsuki felt - suddenly - really, really happy. Ecstatic, even. Over the fucking moon.
The next moment brought about an even stranger feeling, one distinctly less normal, and then there was a huge flash of light.
When Katsuki blinked the spots out of his vision, Deku was a lot smaller than he had been before. Still as cute as ever though.
“Kacchan?” Deku asked. Katsuki blinked, and looked down at his hands. His normal, bony, five-fingered hands.
He looked over his shoulder to check out his butt. No tail!
“I’m back!” Katsuki gasped, stunned.
“Kacchan!” Deku cried, and tackled Katsuki to the ground in a very, very forceful hug. “Ohmygosh I was so worried about you! Where were you?! Are you alright?! Cherry and your Dynamy were so amazing - oh no! Where’s Dynamy?!”
“Shitty Deku,” Katsuki wheezed. His wounds seemed to have healed, but Deku’s grip was strong! “I was the Dynamy.”
“Oh!” Deku’s head popped back into Katuski’s line of vision, which meant that he’d given up on trying to squeeze all of the air from Katsuki’s lungs. “I knew it!” He said.
Katsuki shoved him off. “No you didn’t!” He shouted, “you never even came close to guessing that I had been turned into Dynamy by a weird mystery Pokémon!”
“Yes I did!” Deku insisted. “The whole time I was thinking, ‘he looks just like Kacchan, I want to call him Kacchan!’ I knew it the whole time!”
“Well - well then! Y-you should have kissed me earlier!” Katsuki said. He immediately regretted it, but the look of stunned awe on Deku’s face had him continuing on. “N-not that I wanted you to kiss me!” He said, “but it’s how I turned back, okay?! Don’t ask me how I know, I just know!”
“I kissed Kacchan,” Deku said. His face erupted into red, and Katsuki became furious when his own did the same, just a heartbeat later.
“So what?!” Katsuki shrieked. “It-it’s not a big deal! Who cares?!”
“If-if it’s not a big deal,” Deku asked, “then can I do it again?”
Katuski felt like a whole swarm of Beedrill could have attacked right then, and he wouldn’t have even noticed. “Ch-Cherry,” he choked, “Fire Flash!”
“Ah! Well okay then - Tokkun! Tackle him!”
A few hours later, Katsuki, Deku, and their Pokémon made it back to the clearing where Katuski had left all of his stuff. Fortunately, everything seemed to still be in place. In the time it took to walk there, Katsuki built up his courage.
“We’re still rivals,” he told Deku.
“Um… yeah.” Deku’s eyes darted to Katsuki. He looked hopeful. Katsuki took a deep breath.
“But… as long as you’re… y’know… the best rival… maybe we can be friends again… if you want?”
Deku’s eyes began to shine. “Really?” He asked.
Katsuki nodded, nudging at the grass with the toe of his shoe. “And… you can kiss me again if you want - my cheek, I mean! Just my cheek!”
“Okay,” Deku agreed. His smile hurt Katsuki’s heart, a bit. Deku kissed his cheek, and Katsuki swore that his stomach nearly swooped out of his body.
This time, there were no flashing lights. There was just Katsuki, and Deku, and a promise that felt like bubbles in his chest. Katsuki wasn’t sure what could be better than having Deku as a rival, but he guessed he was going to find out.