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you barely caught his pause out of the corner of your eye, only noticing the deep breath he took because you knew to watch for it. the moment- a few seconds of his hand on the counter, his shoulders slumping, his chest rising and falling- was almost nothing.
but, in truth, it was absolutely everything.
a deep breath to steady himself. you could almost laugh at how small a tell it was, if the thought of that being all he would allow himself didn’t settle into the pit of your stomach like a stone.
and then his posture straightened, his hand fell to his side, and he turned to you as though it had never happened.
“i’m heading out, honey,” he said with a grin.
the tone was light, words casual, but the use of honey was anything but: rare enough to set off warning sirens in your mind and fully tug your attention away from your food.
you turned your head to him, waffling between letting him have his masks and walls or just asking him to stay. asking him to take the night off, get just one decent night’s rest, a few measly hours free of the horrors of the city and the aches and pains of fighting them.
you wanted so desperately to drag him to bed. in your perfect world, you would ask and he would stay and whatever was tugging the corner of his mouth into a subtle scowl would go away.
but it wasn’t a perfect world, so you settled for crossing the room and dragging him into your arms.
a tiny noise of surprise escaped him and his body tensed under your touch, your arms snaking under his jacket. it was as close to slipping through his defenses as you could get, as close as he would let you get tonight.
but this, he gave you. after a brief moment of off-balance tension he all but melted into your hold, helmet getting dropped onto the counter as you were tugged even closer to him.
you squeezed your eyes shut and took a deep, deliberate breath, one he immediately matched. a silent comfort, as much as you thought you could get away with offering.
“be caref-”
your muttered wish of safety was cut off by something best described as a whimper. “just… gimme a minute,” he mumbled into your collar. “need a minute.”
“okay.”
you leaned into him, focusing on the sound of his breathing and the scent of leather wafting from his jacket. his warmth had already spread to the fabric, now seeping into your skin.
eventually, he sighed, pulling his head back enough to meet your gaze.
“hey, jason.”
he gave you a weak smile. “hey.”
you squeezed his torso gently. “wanna talk about it?”
“nah. don’t have time, anyway. gotta be at the docks by midnight.” his gloved hands trailed down your back, coming to rest on your waist. his eyes dropped and narrowed at his right hand as it picked at a piece of lint on your sweatshirt. “just… tired.”
a small huff of laughter escaped you. “never would have guessed that.”
he sighed again. “i gotta go, gorgeous.”
“okay.” you withdrew your arms, bringing your hands down to catch his. you brought them up, resting his palms against your cheeks.
with a small scoot forward, your lips found the skin between glove and sleeve and rested there, feeling his heartbeat.
“i love you,” you murmured quietly against his pulse, turning your head to give his other wrist the same treatment. “just… be careful out there.”
he opened his mouth slightly before closing it again, the motion catching your eye and bringing your attention upwards. his jaw clenched for a beat, contrasting his soft, gooey eyes and the sudden color in his cheeks. “c'mere.”
he led you forwards, meeting you halfway with an invitation to repeat your wish against his lips.
“you heading out?”
a rhetorical question. his helmet was three shades shy of being a neon sign.
months had passed. the crisis at the docks had been resolved, as had several after, but yet another had sprung up and brought with it the same emotional withdrawal from that night in the kitchen.
“yeah.”
the robotic voice was grating, inorganic, telling your ears the same thing his posture told your eyes.
there was a wall up, solid and thick, and it wouldn’t be falling tonight.
you nodded at his back, watching the tension in his shoulders as he shifted in front of the glow of the city. “jason.”
the helmet turned slightly. a question, an acknowledgement, but not much more.
the sight made you sigh.
you crossed the short distance between you, stepping around him and planting yourself in front of the window.
even through the expressionless red, you could feel him watching you as you gently took his hand in both of yours and brought it up to your cheek.
you pressed a soft kiss to the exposed skin below his glove.
the only piece of him exposed, the only sliver of your love that wasn’t hidden behind armor.
his thumb trailed over your cheek, slow and sweet, and you repeated the process with his other hand.
“i love you,” you said firmly, meeting the eyes of his helmet with a challenge in your own, all but daring him to doubt it as you squeezed your fingers around the bare skin your lips had abandoned. “please be safe.”
silence for a beat, two, before he sighed and all but fell forwards. his helmet gently rested against your forehead and his thumbs wandered over your skin again. “i’ll do my best.”
you squirmed back just enough to press a kiss against the shiny red, lingering for a moment before slowly releasing his arms and shifting away. “then go on, hero. i’ll see you tonight.”
he hesitated, head tilted towards you in silent thought before nodding. “see you.”
and with that, he slid out the window and into the night, leaving you to hope the small ritual brought him the comfort it brought you.