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He stumbled twice while going through the choreography, his body struggling to move in sync with the other members. His vision went black for a split second and he decided he could not push himself any further. He sat down in a corner, taking a sip of water while the others continued dancing. The liquid was cool against his burning throat. Closing his eyes, he leaned back against the wall to steady himself.
"Are you okay Felix?" Chan cut the music off abruptly.
With his eyes still closed he nodded, the movement barely noticable. "I just need a minute."
He lifted his hand to his forehead, recoiling at the heat he felt.
"Why do I feel so hot?" He mumbled to himself.
Jisung was the closest member to him, darting across the dance floor to check his temperature.
"Felix, you're burning up," he said, feeling his forehead, neck and back. "Were you okay this morning?"
"I was fine." He opened his eyes, breathing slowly. He could not afford to be sick. He did not want to waste a single minute lying around when he could be practicing. "I think I can dance now-"
Changbin cut him off. "No way are you dancing with a fever. You need to cancel your schedule for the rest of the day, go home and rest."
"He's right." Chan crouched down beside Jisung, pushing Felix's damp hair out of his eyes. "You definitely have a fever. I'm taking you home since my schedule finishes after the group practice."
"You mean you're leaving early for once hyung?" Hyunjin quipped.
Chan ignored him, grabbing his things. "Come on Felix. Let's get the manager and go home. Everyone else, keep practicing. Call me if you need anything."
After informing their manager they returned to their dorm. Felix slowly made his way over to the couch, collapsing onto it from weakness.
"Do you want to eat anything specific? I'm going to make you some soup." Chan was about to head towards the kitchen.
"Soup is fine," Felix said in English, groaning as nausea crept up his throat. "I think I'm gonna puke."
In a flash he was in the nearest bathroom, stumbling at a speed he did not think he could move at in his feeble condition. He doubled over, fingers firmly gripping the toilet bowl as he retched. He had little time to breathe as more half-digested food came up his throat. His eyes squeezed shut. Each wave of nausea came harder than the last.
Too much, it was too much. He panted. Eventually, his stomach emptied itself completely. He clamped his mouth shut, breathing slowly, knuckles turning white with how tightly he gripped the porcelain.
Then a hand was rubbing his back in circles and the toilet was flushed.
"It's alright, you're okay." Chan's comforting voice faded in.
Felix's eyes widened and he pushed himself into the space between the toilet and the bathtub, choking back a sob as he noticed the puddle he was sitting in. Kneeling down in front of him was his hyung still trying to soothe him, uncaring about the wetness from the floor that seeped into his shorts.
"I'm sorry hyung, 'm sorry, I didn't- you're getting wet-" Felix stammered, hands flying to his face. His ears were tinged red.
"It's not your fault, you didn't do anything wrong. Accidents happen." Chan moved in to hug him, noticing how he cowered against his arms, making himself smaller. "Are you feeling little, sunshine?"
"N-no. I'm fine," he sighed. He was pushing it away, ignoring the want to slip right then and there. For now Chan had enough on his hands to deal with. He wanted to be as little of a burden as possible.
"Okay." Chan frowned. "Can you stand up?"
The younger nodded.
"Okay. Don't worry about the mess. Go take a shower, and I'll be right here if you need me. I'll get you some clothes."
Felix was sure he was as red as a tomato. "Okay."
As soon as Chan left he stripped himself of his clothes and stepped into the bathtub. He turned on the water, scrubbing himself clean. Shame settled in. His shoulders shook as the first few tears squeezed past his eyes. Then he was crying quietly, letting the sound of running water drown him out. Upon rinsing all the soap suds off his body he heard the door creak open.
"I'm back." Chan's voice echoed against the walls. "I have some soup on the stove for later."
Felix didn't reply, biting his lip to stifle his cries. The next few minutes were silent, apart from the sounds of Chan cleaning and the shower running.
When he was done, he abruptly shut off the water and stuck his hand out, grabbing his clothes from Chan's arms. "Thanks. Go check on the soup, hyung. I'll be out in a minute."
He dressed himself quickly and stumbled to the bedroom. Wrapping a blanket around himself, he sat on his bed and sighed, shivering. Chan must have gone to shower by now. Damp hair covered his half open eyes, head leaning against the wall for what felt like an hour, but had been fifteen minutes at most. He opened his eyes at the sound of the door opening.
"Hey there baby." Chan sat down in front of him, a steaming hot bowl of chicken soup in his hands. "Open wide for hyungie now."
"Hyung," Felix whined, "I'm not little."
He let Chan feed him, struggling to stay big with every spoon he swallowed. "You don't have to fuss over me."
"I like taking care of you, especially now because you're sick." Chan placed the bowl aside once it was empty and started searching for a towel. "I miss taking care of our little sunshine. It makes me so happy."
His cheeks turned pink. He moved behind Felix, toweling off his own hair before wiping the younger's.
Felix was quiet for a bit. "Can we move to the living room? I kind of need a distraction."
Chan nodded. He helped Felix up and led him to the couch. "What do you want to watch?" He sorted through the movies they had.
Felix grimaced, his body aching with every move he made to sit comfortably. He settled against Chan's side, noticing how warm his body really was. "Anything Disney, hyung."
Chan chose The Emperor's New Groove, pressing play on the remote.
"Yay," Felix exclaimed softly. He yawned, only getting about ten minutes in before his burning eyelids drooped and he slumped into Chan's lap. Chan smiled, pausing the movie.
The front door opened and none other than Jeongin entered the dorm, having finished his schedule earlier than the others.
"Hey Chan hyung, how is he?" He whispered, making as little noise as he could while nearing the two.
"He has a pretty bad fever, and threw up earlier. He just managed to fall asleep." Chan was still holding the now cold and damp towel he used to wipe their hair, folding it up and placing it on Felix's forehead. "That should help a bit."
"Poor hyung." He frowned, heading to the rooms. After a quick change of clothes he returned. "Is there anything I can do to help?"
"Well..." Chan instructed him to place the soup bowl he had left on Felix's bed in the sink, then to order in some dinner for everyone else. The members would definitely be hungry once they returned. The maknae happily accepted, choosing to wash the bowl too. He would do anything to help their leader, who had more than enough responsibilities on his shoulders.
The washing machine beeped, reminding Chan of the clothes. He had wanted to deal with the situation discretely, but Jeongin was already at the dorm. He sighed, knowing he could trust him.
"Innie, could you put the laundry in the dryer for me? I'd do it but I don't want to move Lix." He gestured to the dancer laying on his legs.
"Sure thing, hyung." Jeongin trotted off in the direction of the bathroom.
"It isn't laundry day though," he mumbled to himself, opening the lid. He lifted the sopping clothes, his expression softening.
"Oh."
The bundle was tossed into the dryer and he turned it on, wiping his hands on his shirt as he left the room. He sat down opposite to the two others, scrolling through his phone notifications.
Not even half an hour later more high pitched beeping came from the bathroom. "That was quick." Chan stood up. Felix had shifted off his legs to a corner of the couch some minutes ago.
"I put it on fast mode so it would be done before anyone else returns."
"You're so thoughtful I.N-ie, thank you."
Jeongin ducked his head shyly at the praise.
Is...is he little?" He motioned to Felix.
"No." Chan sounded unconvinced, to which Jeongin raised an eyebrow. He continued. "He said he's fine, but I have a feeling he's trying not to regress. As for the laundry, there was a little mishap when he threw up." Chan rubbed his neck.
"Oh no, he shouldn't repress his headspace like that. I guess he feels like he's bothering us by being sick."
Chan nodded. "I hope he doesn't take it too hard though. You know how he hates troubling anyone, even if he needs a break to recover. He tries to hide his worries and problems from us."
He left to retrieve the clothes.
There was a wistful glint in Jeongin's eyes as he gazed at the sleeping boy beside him, gently stroking his back. "I think I know that feeling a little too well, haengbokie."
Chan returned with a small trash can lined with a plastic bag, placing it in front of the couch. "Just in case."
About an hour or so later they woke Felix up to eat. Chan measured his temperature after dinner, sighing at the numbers. He handed the younger a fever reducer and a glass of water. "You're still very sick. I want you to take this and get ready for bed."
Felix nodded, obediently swallowing the pill before heading off to the bathroom to brush his teeth. He could hear the main door open as other members entered the dorm, the peaceful quiet replaced with loud voices talking over each other.
Sighing, he leaned against the sink. He felt tired and his body ached, and he couldn't help but wish someone would hold him up and help him. As he rinsed his mouth he eyed the all-too-familiar cabinet.
Someone knocked on the door before it swung open, startling him. His eyes met Chan's.
"Just checking up on you, I was worried you would get dizzy."
"Ah hyung." He shook his head, ignoring the way his heart fluttered every time Chan did something caring. "You worry too much."
He glanced at the cabinet once more before walking to his room, closing his eyes once he was in bed.
He barely had time to think of what the others were doing before he fell asleep.
Felix awoke to a massive headache, blinking a few times to adjust to the dim light of his room. He wanted to whine and cuddle with someone, the urge to regress resurfacing, but he didn't want anyone to get sick.
The first thing he noticed a few moments later, once the headache had subsided slightly, was he was freezing. His blanket lay crumpled up by his feet, he figured he had pushed it aside in his sleep.
The second thing he noticed when he sat up to retrieve his blanket was that he was sitting in a soaked pull-up, which crinkled too loudly for his own comfort in the still silence of the night.
He felt his eyes fill as he frantically felt the sheets underneath him, checking to see if he had leaked. It had been a while since his last nighttime accident and he had been secretly happy about it until this very moment. The sheets were dry.
He recalled waking up earlier, long enough to hear Chan to ask him something about a pull-up. In his semi-conscious state he had nodded, falling asleep comfortably.
The third thing he noticed was he wasn't alone in his bed. Feelings of relief and shame washed over him simultaneously as the person beside him stirred at his movements.
"Channie hyung," he called out. He could feel himself slipping and he knew he wasn't supposed to hide an accident while he was little.
"Felix?" Chan squinted, lifting his head.
"What's wrong?" He impulsively asked in English. His low gravelly voice was soothing enough to make Felix feel warm and fuzzy inside.
"Chrissy?" Tears rolled down his cheeks.
"Yes sweetie?" Chan sat up, pulling him into his arms. "Did you have a nightmare? Is it too dark? Are you feeling really sick?"
He frowned when Felix shook his head at the questions, squirming in his lap. Then he had a sudden thought. He poked a finger into Felix's waistband, being careful not to startle him.
"Oh love, you're wet. You need a change." The younger nodded against his chest, sniffing. "Okay, come with me. That must not feel very nice."
Felix held Chan's finger in his hand as they walked to the bathroom. Chan discarded the soiled pull-up and grabbed a wet wipe, making quick work of cleaning the little up.
"Do you want to wear your big boy undies?"
Felix hesitated. He looked down, wiping away new tears with small fists as he shook his head.
"That's okay, nothing to be embarrassed about," Chan said while grabbing an unopened package from the cabinet, having expected as much. He could guess the pull-ups made Felix feel safer and more at ease, especially since he had a tendency to stress over accidents.
"These are a little smaller than usual." He helped Felix into a new pull-up, then his pants. "Too tight?"
Chan had searched for Felix's usual size two weeks ago, but it had been out of stock at the time with only the smaller size available. He had ordered extra packages of the normal size as soon they were in stock, and that had been a few days ago. In the meantime, the new ones would have to do.
Felix shook his head, no longer crying. "Lid'l snug." He tugged at the waistband and looked away. "Sowwy hyungie."
"What for?"
"Bad?"
"Not at all, my darling haengbokie. You've been very good." He pecked Felix's cheek. "Good boys wake their hyungies up when they need them."
Felix stayed silent, raising his arms. Chan picked him up, grinning as Felix wrapped his legs around him.
"Why are you so cute?"
He heard a soft giggle, then a yawn. "My small sleepy Lissy." They headed for the bedroom.
"Time for bed."
He carefully placed the younger down, who was still clenching Chan's shirt, refusing to let go.
"Appa 'tay?"
Chan's heart stuttered. Felix had recently only stuck to 'hyungie' or 'Chrissy' when referring to Chan, but right now he seemed to be much younger than usual. He was clingier and more sensitive, speaking in shorter sentences.
"Of course baby, appa wasn't leaving." He climbed in, hugging a pouting Felix.
"Sick?"
Chan only held him tighter. "I'll be fine. Go to sleep, love." He began humming a lullaby.
"Ni' ni' appa." Felix placed a thumb in his mouth, curling up in his caregiver's arms. Chan's heart melted. He kissed Felix's forehead, cooing as he smiled with his eyes closed.
Chan knew Felix hadn't regressed in a long time. Chan also knew he had been pushing his headspace aside all day, and he wouldn't have regressed if he had woken up dry. They would have to talk about it in the morning.
Right now, though, Chan was content with holding his precious baby in his arms. He shifted to a more comfortable position, smiling at the small "appa" that left Felix's mouth. He could get used to this.
"Goodnight flower."