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Adaine woke up, Aelwyn’s arm flung carefully over her body. Aelwyn looked terrible, gaunt and spooked, her darker roots already growing out to a length that in normal circumstances their parents would kill both of them over. Aelwyn wore one of Tracker’s tank tops and a pair of shorts Adaine had pulled out of her jacket. You could see markings on her shoulders where her bra straps, the same bra she had been wearing for a year without taking it off even once, had dug into her skin, days away from cutting into it. She had a similar mark across her waist from her skirt. Adaine’s markings weren’t as severe, but they were still there, small dents in her skin.
She carefully removed Aelwyn’s arm from around her and got up from the floor, where she realised the room was gradually getting smaller and tighter around her. This was a panic attack, and she knew it, and she also knew she had to get out of this palace before it took her over. As quickly and quietly as possible, she left her and Aelwyn’s space to get out and air, even though logically she knew they were still in Fallinel. She shoved open the door, and the person on watch currently, Fabian, fell off his chair.
“Gods!” He yelled, grabbing his sword and pointing it at her. When he saw who it was, the sword was lowered and placed on the floor. “I thought you were Aelwyn.” Adaine shrugged.
“Sorry, I’m not.” Fabian just looked at her and righted his posture.
“Join me on the roof?” He asked after a short pause had passed between them, already climbing up. “You can see everything from there.” Fabian reached out his hand from the roof, and Adaine took it. He pulled her up and held her there for a little bit.
When Adaine rolled onto her back, and looked up at all the stars, she was able to point out most of the constellations. She wasn’t having a panic attack anymore, which was good. She was focussing on naming every constellation she could see. There was normally too much light pollution in Elmville to see all the stars properly, but here the only light came from the glow of the rocks in the rivers and the shine of magic from the grapes and flowers, it was a lot less than the electronic crystals. A lot quieter too. The only sounds were the rushing of water, light music which you couldn’t hear if you weren’t listening for it, and Fabian’s breathing.
“I wouldn’t want you to be Aelwyn.” He said, when Adaine had finished naming all the constellations. “I wouldn’t want you to be anyone but you. Look at you.” He rolled onto his side and looked at her, reaching up and touching her face, her cheek. She leaned into him, feeling the shape of swords and scars imprinted on it forever. “The girls rescued you but I don’t even know if you’re real.”
“I’m real.” Adaine said. “Real as hell, and we know someone from hell.” They shared a laugh. Adaine leaned closer, and pressed her forehead to Fabian’s. “So you know I’m real.”
“Tell me something only Adaine would know. Please.” It wasn’t a question, it wasn’t a demand, it was more of a beg, which was strange, imagining Fabian Seacaster begging for anything but power and glory and respect.
“Before you got me the jacket, you gave me another one. It was old but it was the first time I owned something. I went home with it on and my Father he. He got so mad. He ripped it. It got burnt.” Adaine said. She had loved the jacket, it was soft and too big for her and a faded cream colour. It was ash now.
“I thought you just hated it.”
“No. My Father he. He’s going to kill me, all of us, everyone.” Adaine was losing control again, so Fabian rolled her back onto her back.
“Point out the stars. Do it.” He said. Adaine did as she was told.
And in the morning, when Adaine woke back up with Aelwyn next to her, not any better, and saw Fabian again with a soft smile on his face, they didn’t speak about it.