Work Text:
Today I will wear my white button-down
Ranboo buttoned his white shirt and grabbed a red tie, tying it around his neck before pulling his slick suit jacket on. He finally got one that fit him compared to the last jacket he had that went up to his elbows almost. As funny as it was, it was time for a change.
Ranboo sat in his chair and got his face cam setup letting out a huff staring at his face on his monitor. OBS had a way of making him feel like he was shit.
Like he was exactly what he was, nothing. He wasn’t like Tommy where he could be as stupid and open as he wanted, and he wasn’t like Tubbo who could carry happiness around like it was weightless.
Ranboo looked at discord, Tommy had dmed him, asking when he was ready for their collab stream with Phil, Tubbo, Wilbur and Technoblade. There were just so many people and so many things to do. It was hell and it was nothing he woke up for.
Yes he hated being alone, and yes he has sat in a vc having people circle through for 10 or so hours just the other night, and yes the idea of being alone hurt so much and he didn’t want to be alone, not really.
He just didn’t want to be there , he didn’t want to be anywhere, on any plane of existence, with or without people. He just wanted to be in a state of being where he didn’t have to be. Where people didn’t have to always be watching and waiting and judging. He wanted to leave his mask on the table when he started a stream, he wanted to be able to be as stupid and outgoing as he could and he wanted to carry happiness around like the weighted less than the atoms of the world themselves.
He loves his life and he loves his job and he loves his friends but he doesn’t love himself. It was the problem. He wanted to. He wanted the impossible.
TommyInnit > hey, u ok? U’ve been taking forever
TommyInnit > if u want to reschedule we can
TommyInnit > just lmk ok?
Ranboo > another minute? Sorry. I just have to prepare my camera and all that
TommyInnit > ofc mate :D
TommyInnit > take your time
TommyInnit > if u wanna call just us rn call me
TommyInnit > if you want to talk to me ofc, or we can wait for the group, no pressure
Of course Ranboo wanted to talk to Tommy, how could Tommy assume otherwise.
Ranboo would be a terrible person for not wanting to talk to Tommy.
He wouldn’t think about his crush on Tommy everyday like it was a pest crawling around in his brain never leaving, if he didn’t want to talk to Tommy.
Ranboo called Tommy and his facecam automatically connected but he didn’t seem to care that Tommy could see his face. Tommy turned his camera on and waved to Ranboo, who waved back.
Tommy was beautiful. It was pretty obvious. Everyone could see it but he just got a new camera and new lighting and Ranboo was trying his best not to have a heart attack on the spot.
“Do you think my camera looks bad? I was hoping this would be good but then I changed my lighting which I doubt you could tell but you know, I don’t want it to be worse and I might go back to my old lighting or my old camera and keep the lighting-“
“Tommy, relax.” Ranboo said and Tommy nodded, sitting back in his chair. “It all looks fine, I was going to compliment the lighting before you started rambling. Of course I noticed it, I’m not a bad uhm person who is blind.” Of course I noticed. I only notice you, always. Ranboo didn’t even know what the hell happened to his words at the end but he just accepted it and the light tint on his cheeks as Tommy’s smile radiated.
“I’m glad it looks good! And you look good as always!” Tommy smiled and Ranboo put his face in his hands, hiding himself.
Ranboo wanted so badly for it not to be a bit, he wanted this to be more than just a simple friendship.
He wanted Tommy and he was tired of wanting.
I'm tired of wanting more
“I think I’m ready to start.” Ranboo said, putting his mask on, “Your suit looks nice, red is for sure your color.” Ranboo said before leaving the call to get into the one with everyone else, muting and deafening to do an intro and wait a few minutes before being active in the call.
Hours of weird bits from Tommy who was being a little too flirty and a little too clingy and Ranboo could end the stream.
“Are you saying in the call, Ranboo?” Tubbo asked, “we were all going to chill for a bit after we all changed out of our suits.”
“Oh uhm I mean sure.” Ranboo took his tie off, “Yeah, I guess I can. I’ll probably get a snack.”
“You don’t have to stay, mate. You look absolutely exhausted.” Phil said and Ranboo shut his camera off instantly.
“I’m good.” Ranboo said, “I’ll be back in a few.” Ranboo muted himself and got out of his chair with a sigh, grabbing clothes and changing into sweats and a random hoodie.
He sat on the floor, leaning his back against his bed frame, hugging his knees to his chest and resting his forehead on his knees.
Ranboo sighed. He was disgusting for having these feelings about Tommy. He was disgusting for thinking those things about the blonde.
He was disgusting for just.. all of it.
Boo Boy > hey Toms, can you kick me from the call.
Boo Boy > I’m not coming back.
He shut his phone off all the way and shit his eyes letting the tears soak into the fibers of his clothes.
I think I'm finally worn
*
“We’ll talk later, alright?” Tommy asked as Ranboo finished ending his stream, “I just have to run to Phil’s for the rest of the day. It’s what? Noon for me and you did an early stream this morning so it’ll be like midnight for you when this all nighter event ends but you don’t have to stay awake that long.”
“It’ll be worth it if I get to talk to you.” Ranboo said with a yawn, he had unironically pulled an all-nighter and decided to start a stream at 6:30am for god knows why and now he was going to stay up till midnight just to catch Tommy at the end of an all-nighter stream he had with the SBI boys as a bonding experience which meant the only electronics they got were for streaming and streaming only.
“O-oh well see you in a bit.” Tommy said, “bye boo boy!”
Ranboo smiled, “bye Tommy.”
By 1:03 am Ranboo’s time he let himself go to sleep. He had heard nothing from Tommy that night.
For you have a way of promising things
*
There was a story that no one knew. A story of two 17 year old boys, playing on a minecraft server late into the night. To everyone around them, they didn’t get along very well or even talk when they didn’t have to.
But here they were, laughing and enjoying the easy conversations they could have as they built a square around the ocean monument, then giggling into the scratchy mics of their cheap headphones because they thought it would be funny to use their generic headphone mics instead of their high grade streaming mics. They had been right.
They drained all the water from their area, being in Creative because they were no Philza Minecraft, they were just idiots bonding in a weird way.
“What if we use birch for the floors?”
“Only someone with really bad bed head would say something as stupid as that.” Ranboo said, looking at his second monitor at Tommy who’s hair was disheveled.
Tommy snickered, “at least I’m not built like a fuckin’ teddy bear or some shit.”
“Are you saying you want to cuddle with me?” Ranboo asked with a smirk and Tommy scoffed.
“You wish!”
Ranboo chuckled, “I’m down to cuddle whenever you want, Bed Head.”
“And I’m down to kick your ass whenever, Teddy Bear.”
They didn’t stop their call for the next 13 hours.
*
Ranboo hummed and poked at his face, he was obviously going to wear a mask on stream but he was in need of a shave.
Ranboo sighed, he didn’t know how long he had been staring at himself in the mirror but it was starting to become unsettling and uncomfortable. But he couldn’t stop staring. “Hey Siri, call Bed Head on speaker.”
“Calling Bed Head, on speaker.”
Ranboo waited a moment till he heard his call being picked up and he let out a breath of relief, “Hey Ranboo, what’s up?”
“H-hey.” Ranboo cleared his throat, when had it gotten scratchy? He looked back at himself, when had he started crying?
“Boo..” Tommy said softly, “Where are you?”
“Bathroom.”
“Is there a towel nearby?” Tommy asked, his voice was steady and calm despite his rapidly beating heart and worried eyes, he was glad it wasn't FaceTime.
“Yeah from my shower, why?”
“Great! Grab it and put it over your mirror.” Tommy instructed and Ranboo did as told, relaxing a bit and whispering a ‘thank you’
“It’s really no problem, Teddy Bear. I’m here for you, yeah?”
“And I’ll always be here for you, Bed Head.” Ranboo promised and they quickly fell into conversation.
And I've been a forest fire
*
“These fuckin’ comments don’t bother me.” Tommy said, “I promise.”
“You deleted Twitter again, Tommy.” Ranboo said. “It’s okay for you to feel upset over the comments. They aren’t fair. And you of all people don’t deserve them.”
“Teddy Bear.” Tommy tried.
“Bed Head.” Ranboo retaliated and they both laughed.
“You know, we’ve become pretty close.”
“I know, Tommy.” Ranboo smiled fondly, “actually I was hoping to ask you something.”
“Hey boys!” Tubbo’s voice cut in and they both greeted him, knowing what Ranboo was going to ask and accepting the fact he wasn’t going to ask it with Tubbo there.
Maybe next time.
I am a forest fire
*
“Will you-“
“Tommy!” Wilbur called, walking into Tommy’s office. Tommy shot Ranboo an apologetic look and sighed at Wilbur.
“You didn’t tell me you were coming, Wil.”
“You’re just talkin’ to Ranboo, mate. It’s not like it’s a business meeting or what not. Also, hi Ranboo!” Wilbur waved and Ranboo waved back.
“Well it was kinda important.” Tommy said.
“In what way?” Wilbur asked and Tommy just sighed.
“We can talk later, Boo Boy,” Tommy said and Ranboo hummed.
“Talk later, Bed Head.”
“You’re just saying that because you know I can’t retaliate with Wil here.” Tommy said, knowing Wilbur can’t hear Ranboo. Wilbur was now interested.
“You could.” Ranboo said, “no one is stopping you.” Ranboo rested his elbows on his desk and folded his hands, resting his chin on them in amusement.
“I fucking hate you.”
“Yeah, I know.” Ranboo still had an amused look on his face. “But you won’t do shit about it.”
Tommy gasped at the swear word but recovered quickly, “like you would do shit anyway.”
Ranboo chuckled and had a glint in his eyes before covering his mouth with his hand to talk into the mic, making sure his lips couldn’t be read.
Tommy was dark red in an instant and huffed in defeat. “Ok ok, you will, bitch.” Tommy rolled his eyes, “talk later, Teddy Bear.” Tommy ended the call and Wilbur offered an amused raised brow.
He would ensure Tommy wouldn’t hear the end of it.
*
“Would you like to-“
“Aye,” a voice called from Ranboo’s end and his tossed his hands in defeat as Tommy sighed, “Mom needs you before you stream.”
Ranboo rubbed his face with his hands, “ok. I’ll be a sec, I need to end this call.”
“Don’t be long.” The voice said before leaving. Ranboo’s door was left wide open as any good sibling would do.
Ranboo frowned, “we can talk after my stream.”
“Okay, Teddy Bear. Talk later.”
“Talk later, Bed Head.” Ranboo ended the call and stormed out of his room.
*
“Boys! I need you for my stream!” Tubbo said and Ranboo and Tommy, who had just started a call in dms, both groaned as they had received a call in the BenchTrio group chat.
“Of course, Tubs!” Tommy agreed and Ranboo offered a hum. This was starting to get irritating.
*
“Tommy, would you like to be my boyfriend?” Ranboo spoke as quickly as possible. He had been trying for the last 2 freaking days.
“Yes.” Tommy said, letting out a relieved breath.
“Fucking finally.” Ranboo said, running a hand through his hair, “oh shit, I swore. Shit.”
Tommy chuckled, “it’ll be our secret.”
Ranboo smiled, “our secret.”
*
“Ranboo, you and Tommy have been really really close the last 4 months. Wanna explain why that is?” Tubbo asked, “and don't just say you guys are friends because I will kick you in the balls as soon as I see you in person next.”
Ranboo chuckled a bit, “Tommy.. you should answer.” Ranboo said softly.
“Oh right, uhm okay so don’t be mad we didn’t tell you because it was like, it was that we wanted to but we never did because we were scared how you would react but we uhm, we’re dating. And have been for about 5 months.” Tommy said and Tubbo nodded.
“Okay. That’s fine. Just don’t hurt each other because I will kill you both.” Tubbo said and Ranboo just laughed. He had told Tubbo as soon as it happened and told him to act like he didn’t know because Tommy had wanted to tell Tubbo. “I’m happy for you guys. Just don’t have like weird couple-y talks while I’m in vc.”
“We won’t, I promise.” Tommy said and Ranboo agreed.
“But fill me in on the details.” Tubbo said and the couple laughed.
And I am the fire and I am the forest
*
Ranboo was laying in his bed, on the phone with Tubbo. He was holding a random plushie he had, he was pretty sure Tommy bought him as a gift, and let out a loud ass sigh.
“What if I’m hurting him?”
“What?” Tubbo asked. “What are you talking about?”
“I mean.. I pushed back my visit once again because of my own issues and all this long distance is hurting us both. But I think I’m hurting him more for not jumping to get to him faster.”
“Ranboo..” Tubbo said softly, “Boo, I don’t think you’re hurting him. You’re both longing for each other and that’s okay, that’s normal.”
And I am a witness watching it
“You told me something 6 months ago when we got together, and maybe you were right.”
“Boo-“
I stand in a valley watching it
“Maybe you were right.” Ranboo said softly, “maybe Tommy and I don’t love each other and we’re just two people trying to be less lonely. And maybe that’s all we will ever get to be.”
“You’re wrong.” Tubbo said, “I was wrong.”
“No no, it’s fine, Tubbo. I’ve come to terms with it. I’ve come to terms with the pain of not being able to love Tommy forever.”
“W-what?” Tommy asked. When had he joined the call?
And you are not there at all
*
Ranboo buttoned his white shirt and pulled his suit jacket on before tying his tie and turning his camera on. He had started the stream 5 or so minutes ago and was letting everyone join.
He sat down, glasses discarded and a smile on his face under his slick black mask.
So today I will wear my white button-down
I can at least be neat
It took an hour for Tommy to join and Ranboo’s mood shifted, and not for the better.
“Can we talk about the other day, please?” Tommy asked, his voice broken and Ranboo hummed, muting them both to the stream. “Tell me what the hell I heard when I joined the call between you and Tubbo because if you’re planning to break up with me just tell me.” Tommy sighed, “please.”
Walk out and be seen as clean
“I can’t keep doing this.” Ranboo said softly, making sure they were both still muted, “it hurts.”
“I know it does. It hurts me too.”
“I just wish I could keep you happy, Tommy.” Ranboo wiped a tear, “Neither of us like being alone, we both know that. But.. but it’s hurting us to keep doing this.”
“Please don’t cry, Ranboo.” Tommy whispered, “please..”
Ranboo sniffled, he couldn’t stop the tears, “I wish I could give you the happy love you deserve, I really do. God , I wish I could bring you happiness, Tommy. I wish I could be everything you need but you don’t need digital love. You don’t need to be 8 hours apart. You need kisses that are soft, kisses that are rough, cuddles with crappy movies, cute date nights where we can hold hands and you need someone you can touch . We can’t even hug, Tommy. How can we live like this?”
Tommy could tell Ranboo’s chest was growing tight, and he was sure the mask wasn’t helping. Ranboo looked broken, and Tommy was sure he looked just as bad.
He didn’t expect Ranboo to take his face mask off, well aware of the stream, to catch his breath.
Tommy’s heart shattered as he saw the state of Ranboo in full. He was wrecked.
Then he watched as Ranboo saw his face, then Tommy’s sad expression and Ranboo just nodded a bit as his fingers found the bandaids on his jaw with a wince.
“Please put it back on or just.. just end the stream.”
“I’m sorry.” Ranboo whispered, “I’m sorry that I let you love me, Tommy.”
Ranboo ended the call and wiped his face for a moment before unmuting to the stream and sitting upright again, resuming his mining session, “so chat, here’s the face! I accidentally nicked myself shaving so excuse the bandaid.”
Ranboo smiled to the camera like they all hadn’t watched him cry while essentially breaking up with Tommy moments before.
Ranboo went about the rest of the stream like it never happened.
And I'll go to work and I'll go to sleep
*
“Today, Chat, we’re going to revamp an ocean monument!” Ranboo said excitedly. “This stream might get emotional.” Ranboo said even though his unmasked face held a fond smile at the submerged structure.
“About a year ago me and a friend.. well, more than a friend. This person saved me,” Ranboo chuckled a sad chuckle, “he saved me in all the ways I needed to be saved, and I hope I had the same impact on him. But uhm.. about a year ago we spent 13 hours in a call revamping an ocean monument. It was exactly a year ago today.”
Ranboo got started on draining the area and just chatting with chat. Noticing a certain someone lurking in his viewers list. “Hey, bed head.” Ranboo said, smiling warmly. “I’m thinking birch for the floors.”
Chat wondered who Ranboo was talking to, but Ranboo never said anything about it. He kept the smile on his face as he went about the renovations.
Chat hadn’t seen him so.. fond in a long time.
And I'll love the littler things
And there Tommy was, thousands of miles away, watching the sunrise as he had his knees to his chest, having a stream pulled up on his monitor, his headphones on his head and a blanket draped around his shoulders.
He watched Ranboo change the floor to birch and smiled while salty tears burned his cheeks. His voice echoed the empty room as he spoke simply to the screen, “I miss you too, Teddy Bear.”
I'll love some littler things