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“Now that Ranboo has been gone for a while, I suppose I can tell you all some of his secrets.” Tubbo said, “you all think he’s one for the romantics and has a big open heart, but that’s not very true. Ranboo came into this friendship with a very closed off heart the deeper you get to know him. He’s rejected plenty of wonderful people for no good reason other than his heart being locked away. Your hopeless romantic is a scam.”
Ranboo huffed, “I’m not a scam. I’m just not trying to date anyone, you didn’t have to out me like that, man- wait no- not like that, chat.”
Ranboo groaned as chat started asking what he meant by being “outed” and Tubbo only laughed saying he had done it to himself.
“Screw you man, I’m going back to the vc with Tommy.” Ranboo kicked Tubbo from his call and moved to ‘vc 2’ where Tommy was. The blonde had been building something and was softly singing, he clearly didn’t notice Ranboo joining but Ranboo only smiled fondly at the blonde disregarding chat and disregarding the fact he had reached a sub goal and was glasses off the rest of the stream.
“Tommy!” Tubbo greeted as he joined and Tommy yelped and pressed his space bar to inevitably pause his music.
“Tubbo!” Tommy greeted, “and Boob boy!”
Ranboo groaned, “Tommy.”
“Hey boss man?” Tubbo asked and Ranboo hummed, “why is your chat saying you were swooning over the big man?”
Ranboo’s eyes widened before he squinted trying to think of an excuse, “probably because they’re idiots.”
“Fair enough, also you didn’t tell me you had hit the sub goal.”
“What was his sub goal?” Tommy asked.
“He has to keep his glasses off the rest of stream.” Tubbo explained.
“Ah, cool.” Tommy said, “Anyway no one cares, come look at my house!”
Ranboo saw Tommy had joined his stream and felt his heart swell. Oh?
Hello, my old heart
How have you been?
Ranboo let out a breath, why did his chest hurt all of a sudden? Tommy was his friend, he shouldn’t feel sick at the idea of Tommy joining.
Was he a bad friend? And why was his heart burning. It felt like it was going to kill him.
He didn’t even think the poor thing could muster emotions, better yet whatever the hell was wrong with it.
Are you still there inside my chest?
“Ranboo, man, are you alright?” Tommy asked, “you’ve gone all quiet.”
“Yup. Yes. Fine. Just random heartburn.” Ranboo laughed awkwardly and brought his character to his friends, his eyes gave away how concerned he suddenly was and chat eventually got muted completely by mods for longer than a minute because people couldn’t control themselves.
It took an hour for Ranboo to suddenly realize what was going on and his stomach only got worse, he actually felt sick.
Chat has calmed down and everything had been fine.
“Guys I need a second.” Ranboo’s speech was slurred before he ran out of his room at full speed and into his bathroom, taking his mask off in time to throw up.
Then throw up again.
And again.
He returned to the stream pale and pretty discombobulated. “Hey.” Ranboo said, “sorry ‘bout that, I had to do something.”
“You look sick Bossman.” Tubbo pointed out.
“He’s right.” Tommy agreed, “were you throwing up just then?”
Ranboo nodded a bit, “I’m not like sick, I just had a sudden realization that made me sick. Welp! On that note though, I’m going to end the stream and go to sleep!”
Ranboo ended the stream and left the call, putting his phone on Do Not Disturb and laying in bed, privating his Spotify to listen to some music.
The first song he got from his sadder playlist was ‘Ur Gonna Wish U Believed Me by Cavetown’
Ranboo frowned and put a hand on his chest, feeling his heart. “I hate you.” He whispered. “Why now? Why him?” Ranboo sniffled, “just why?”
I've been so worried, you've been so still
Barely beating at all
*
“Hey you’ve been weird lately.” Wilbur said, joining a call with the Bench Trio and Phil.
“Who are ya talkin’ to mate?” Phil asked.
“Me.” Ranboo said softly. “And I’m not sure what you’re talking about, Wil, I’ve been fine.”
“Tubs and I noticed it too, you doin’ alright?” Tommy asked and Ranboo hummed.
“I’m good, I’m good. I’m taking a break from content creation for some personal things, nothing too bad. I actually should go.”
“We’re FaceTiming.” Tommy determined and left the call to FaceTime Ranboo. Ranboo left the call and answered. Tommy had the worst case of bed hair Ranboo had ever seen from the blonde and thought it was kinda cute.
“Hey bed head.” Ranboo greeted and Tommy narrowed his eyes at the name.
“Shut up.” Tommy said with a yawn, laying back on his bed.
“I’m pretty tired, I don’t know why you called.” Ranboo said softly, laying in his own bed. “And I know it’s early and I shouldn’t be tired but-”
“Hey, I’m not going to judge you or tell you it’s wrong. If you’re tired then you’re tired. You can sleep if you want, I just like talking to you. It’s nice.”
“We can talk in a few hours when I wake up? Or when you do if it’s too late.” Ranboo smiled, “and I like talking to you also.”
“Well how about we both get some sleep then Boo Boy and then we can talk when we wake up?”
“Goodnight Bed Head.” Ranboo smiled and Tommy returned the sweet smile back.
“Goodnight Boo.”
They ended the call and Ranboo’s heart was swelling, he needed to tell Tommy now.
Boo > hey, can I tell you something
Bed Head :D > sure, what’s up?
Boo > would it be weird to say I liked you
Boo > nevermind
Bed Head :D > well if you ever wanna say it, I’m here.
Bed Head :D > Get some rest, Boo
Right, Tommy needed sleep and Ranboo couldn’t have him all the time. Tommy would wake up and Ranboo would be alone. Tommy didn’t want to talk to him and that was fine.
…
It was fine..
Oh, don't leave me here alone
*
Chat was the first to notice the warmth shared between Tommy and Ranboo. Wilbur noticed shortly after. “Chat, relax.” Wilbur said and Ranboo stopped his soft conversation with Tommy to worry about Wilbur telling his chat off. Ranboo’s chat hadn’t been bad at all today so why now?
“Chat.” Ranboo’s soft tone turned to his warning tone. “What are you guys doing?”
Tommy huffed, “Ranboo’s chat, you guys have gotta be respectful.”
“They weren’t being terrible,” Wilbur explained, “They were just noticing things and not keeping it to themselves.”
“Oh? What was it?” Ranboo asked and Wilbur paused for a moment.
“You missed a diamond I think. That’s all.” Wilbur said, “You guys can go back to talking about what animal you guys want to adopt.”
“Good, we will.” Tommy said and went right back to where he left off, his tone going soft instantly, Ranboo following.
Ranboo decided to finally glance at chat for longer than just a moment and saw everyone commenting on how soft Ranboo and Tommy suddenly became. Ranboo gasped a little and his hands came off his keys as he leaned back in his chair. The talking faded to the back of his mind as he just stared at the screen.
Was he being unusually soft without realizing it? Was he losing his control? Does Tommy know?
Has his heart actually melted and exposed itself?
“What the hell?” Ranboo asked suddenly.
“What? Are you okay? What’s wrong?” Tommy asked instantly and Wilbur sighed.
“Ranboo, you read your chat.” Wilbur pointed out and Ranboo hummed.
Don't tell me that we've grown
For having loved a little while
“I should end the stream, and get off I think.”
“We can call after like we have been!” Tommy said, “Unless you want to be alone?”
Ranboo’s breath hitched.
Oh, I don't wanna be alone
“Let’s call, after.”
“Okay! Let me get my headphones!” Tommy was clearly excited and Ranboo just chuckled warmly.
“Sure, Bed Head, I’ll join you in a second, let me do my outro.”
Tommy was beaming as he left the call and Ranboo ended his stream sighing. “Bed Head?” Wilbur asked.
“It’s like an inside joke.” Ranboo said, “It’s hard to explain.”
“I’m glad you guys are getting along though, more than before it seems.”
“I know it’s bad of me.” Ranboo sighed, “Please don’t remind me how wrong this is.”
“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it, Ranboo. I think it’s perfectly fine for you to like him. And honestly I think he likes you back, he’s never like that with anyone. Not genuinely. And he’s been talking about you all the goddamn time, it's sickenly sweet.”
Ranboo smiled a bit, “Thank you.”
“Go talk to our boy, yeah?”
“Of course.” Ranboo said and left the call, closing his pc down and plugging wired earbuds into his phone and moving to sit on his bed, facetime calling Tommy.
“Hey Bed Head.” Ranboo smiled warmly.
“Ello, Boo!” Tommy offered a soft smile and Ranboo knew right there that he would spend the rest of time with that boy.
I wanna find a home
And I wanna share it with you
*
“I don’t get why you’re so irritated, the fans are just simply pointing out how close we’ve been, you don’t have to scold your chat for it. Or even think about scolding mine. They aren’t yours to scold and it’s unfair for you to scold your own over this.” Tommy said, crossing his arms.
“Because, what business is it if we’re closer or not, they’re making up all these theories that would probably make you uncomfortable, I’m trying to look out for you.”
Ranboo’s heart ached as he talked, he could feel himself getting to the point of exploding and he wasn’t sure if he wanted Tommy to be the receiving end of that.
Hello, my old heart
It's been so long
Tommy sighed, “Why don’t we just end our streams and talk in private, we can have a calm conversation there away from everyone.”
Since I've given you away
“Why won’t you just leave me the hell alone!? I’m so sick and tired of everything revolving around you in my goddamn life! I’m tired of people talking about you on Twitter, in my chat, on Instagram - just anywhere - and I’m so tired of having to hear from you every goddamn day! Your voice and your just everything sets me off!” Ranboo yelled and he watched Tommy flinch through the screen.
Ranboo was hiding his heart away from the blonde and it was unhealthy.
And every day, I add another stone
Ranboo hated when he did this and Tommy could see his instant regret. Ranboo couldn’t control this, it was a thing he did that he didn’t mean to. He randomly lashes out when there’s too many emotions for him to handle. He had tried to keep that from his friends but he couldn't even do that right.
To the walls I built around you
He always saw it easier to lash out at others while he was hurting to avoid bringing them down with him.
“I’m sorry for exploding like that. I said things I didn’t mean and I’m not sure where that came from.” Ranboo could feel the tears starting. Another thing that happened when he was overwhelmed.
“What’s wrong, Ranboo? Talk to me.” Tommy spoke softly, accessing Ranboo’s stream deck and ending the stream, before ending his own.
“Everything is overwhelming.. I can’t keep track of it and I can’t keep it all down. It hurts.” Ranboo admitted, “and I get like this a lot, mostly to my parents and it makes me feel like shit. I just.. I lose track of it all and it crushes me leaving me so angry that I couldn’t fix it and then I lash out. I lash out then I fucking cry.” Ranboo sighed, “I tried to keep this from you guys, I didn’t want to drag you guys into this because it’s unhealthy. I do it to keep my problems my own by pushing away people who try to help.”
To keep you safe
“How about we talk through all your feelings right now then?” Tommy offered and Ranboo nodded. Maybe not all of them, but a few might help.
*
“Hey Boo Boy! And Tubs!” Tommy greeted as he joined a call holding the two. Tubbo was streaming.
“Hey Tommy, what’s up man?” Tubbo asked, Ranboo was silent as he was concentrating on something he was doing in the game, they were in hardcore after all.
“I haven’t talked to either of you in a few days, so I wanted to come say hi. Especially Ranboo, with our schedules having been so off.”
Ranboo’s heart swelled at the words, Tommy had cared about not talking to Ranboo. Huh.
Hello, my old heart
“Sorry bout that, with everything being so crazy lately with the plans, you know how it gets.”
“Yeah, I know, Boo. You’re all good. It’s my fault too.”
Ayo? Tommy just called him that on stream?
Willingly?
Ranboo’s heart was trying to beat right out of his chest, now.
How have you been?
“Right! The plans to come back!” Tubbo said and Ranboo’s heart sank back into the walls that surrounded it. Right, yeah. He would be face to face with Tommy again.
How is it being locked away?
“Yup, those plans.” Ranboo said, keeping his tone light. “I have the dates and everything, I’ll send you the details after the stream.”
“Okay!”
“You’re coming back soon?” Tommy asked.
“Oh uh yeah.” Ranboo said softly. “I guess I forgot to tell you the other day when we were talking about feelings and what not, sorry.”
Ranboo could feel his heart cracking and he was pushing himself not to let it. He was building the walls back up to keep it all from spilling out, he told himself he was content with being only friends with Tommy. He had to keep that mindset.
Don't you worry, in there you're safe
“Oh it's fine! Let me get on with you guys!”
*
“Has Ranboo been different this week? I’m not sure.” Tubbo said, “Have you noticed anything guys?” Tubbo asked the others in the call after reading a dono.
Wilbur let out a weirdly nervous chuckle while Phil said he noticed something. Tommy seemed to be oddly quiet all stream. “And apparently Tommy has been different this week as well.”
“Well, I have noticed they’ve both been off. They’ve been quiet, don’t talk to each other when we’re all in call together, don’t talk in the gc to each other and have outright avoided being in the same place all week.”
“We can fix that.” Tubbo said and threw Tommy and Ranboo into their own call. “There, now they have to talk.”
“Hey, Bed Head..” Ranboo said softly, his camera being on.
Tommy waved a bit, “Hey, Boo.”
His voice was just so soft it melted Ranboo’s defenses ever so slightly.
“Tommy I-..” Ranboo sighed, “You’re my best friend.” Ranboo spoke, his breath had hitched before and his eyes were incredibly soft.
Tommy gasped a bit, he knew what this was, he knew the look he was getting, “I love you too, Ranboo.”
Ranboo chuckled, “am I that predictable?”
“Just a little.” Tommy admitted.
“Well yes, I love you.” Ranboo said, “I have for a while.”
“As have I.” Tommy admitted. “But I know you have your restrictions.”
Ranboo sucked in a breath, “yeah..”
And it's true, you'll never beat
But you'll never break
Tommy paused for a moment before getting a determined glint in his eyes. “Will you go on a date with me? It’ll have to be virtual but we could watch a movie perhaps?”
Ranboo’s heart was begging for him to say yes, but Ranboo couldn’t protect his heart if he said yes.
Nothing lasts forever
He had to protect himself, even if the idea of rejecting Tommy again hurt him deep down in his core.
Some things aren't meant to be
But you'll never find the answers
Fuck it, “Yes. God, yes. ” Ranboo offered a smile and Tommy gasped, grinning back.
Until you set your old heart free
“Holy fuck really!?”
Ranboo chuckled, “yeah. I’m tired of being afraid.”
Tommy shot his arms up in the air in victory and screamed along with it, “let’s go!”
Yeah, Ranboo for sure loved that boy. And he knew Tommy loved him as well.
Things would work out now, between them, and that’s all that mattered.
They could both be happy together.
Until you set your old heart free