Work Text:
For the past 16 years of his life, Dazai Osamu had been under the impression that he didn't have a heart. Sure, he felt things, emptiness, boredom, annoyance, even excitement on the very rare occasion, but it was always so fleeting. And yet, he found himself hunched over the toilet in his cramped storage container, thanking whatever higher power may or may not have existed that he hadn't decided to break into Chuuya's fancy penthouse tonight.
Yellow petals fell daintily from his mouth in harsh contrast to the violent coughing fit. His lungs felt full and heavy. Something in the back of his mind screamed at him to purge himself of his affliction.
For 16 years, Dazai thought he didn't have a heart and now, all of that was up in flames. Each previous notion dispelled by the mess of sunflower petals floating innocently as if they hadn't shattered everything he thought he knew.
Dazai had heard of Hanahaki before. In fact, he'd given it to a fair few of his classmates in his previous life. Still, he never thought that he'd be on the receiving end of it, especially given one key detail.
Dazai Osamu had never loved anyone before.
Despite having only known him for a few months, it was easy to see that Dazai was intelligent. His mind ran a million miles a second leaving most of his subordinates hopelessly floundering to catch up. The boy was the walking embodiment of manipulation and careful planning. If he had the ambition to do so, there was no doubt in Oda's mind that he could easily take over the Port Mafia any day. Although, for all his strengths, he had one glaring weakness.
"Oda," Dazai's gaze was intense, his tone as serious as if he were ordering an enemy squadron be gunned down. The ice in his whiskey clinked against the glass, filling the tense silence. "I'm in love with you."
The intensity didn't hold for long after that as a coughing fit left Dazai doubled over. Happy yellow petals dropped from his mouth, scattering all over the floor. Had this been a normal bar frequented by normal customers they may have been reprimanded for their antics. Fortunately, Lupin knew exactly what clientele it served.
"Damn," Dazai choked out between coughs. "I really thought... It might be you..."
Dazai Osamu, half of the terrifying duo known as Double Black. A boy who was already on track to becoming the youngest executive the Port Mafia had ever seen. Someone with the extraordinary power to bend others to his will with just his words. His only weakness? His lack of emotional intelligence.
Oda placed a steady hand on Dazai's back in an attempt to coax the petals out easier. Given that he was two seconds away from spitting up an entire flower, it was clear that this had been building for quite a while. Probably a year if he wasn't mistaken.
It wasn't long before the coughing stopped. Dazai downed his drink to clear his throat only to wince at his poor choice. Wordlessly, the bartender gave him a glass of water before dutifully ignoring both of them.
"I thought it might be you," Dazai admitted between sips of water. He looked more annoyed than anything despite the fact that a normal person might have been mortified by the prior series of events. "I can hardly think of anyone I like that much, let alone love. My plan is just to ask everyone until I figure it out."
"And this has been going on for how long?"
"Three or four days."
"Hm," Oda turned to his drink. Telling him would be the nice thing to do. That way he could be pointed in the right direction instead of blindly grasping at straws. "Have you considered your partner?"
Dazai looked as if he'd just swallowed a lemon. It wasn't too different from the time he'd first tried whiskey just because he saw Oda drinking it. "That slug!?" Dazai sounded disgusted at the mere idea. "OdaSaku, stop messing around!"
"It's worth a try, isn't it?"
"I'd rather be choked to death by flowers!"
"Are you sure? I heard it's a painful way to die..."
That gave Dazai only a moment of pause. Before he could answer, he perked up at the sound of the door opening. In an instant, he'd vaulted from the bar stool, ready to pounce on the poor newcomer.
"Ango! I have something to tell you!"
It'd be nice to point Dazai in the right direction. Unfortunately, he'd never believe it. Maybe it was for the best. Afterall, he'd heard that letting kids figure things out on their own was good for them.
There were some places in the port mafia only available to executives. Those who had climbed as high as they possibly could without spilling the blood of the boss himself. It was an achievement that Dazai found himself ambivalent to achieving. Fortunately, it came with its perks, ones which he was already putting to good use.
Dazai walked down a desolate tunnel. Artificial lights flickered around him, giving the impression of disuse but he knew better. To most of the world, this was a tunnel which led to a bunker, abandoned by the mafia. To Dazai, it was the home of Paul Verlaine, the shut-in executive and "older brother" to his least favorite dog.
Brother was, perhaps, the wrong term for their relationship. In reality, Chuuya and Verlain shared no blood which was a boon (however small) for Dazai's sanity. Still, that didn't stop the man from insisting it everytime that slug was brought up in conversation. It didn't stop Verlaine from fussing over him the scant few times Chuuya accepted his invitations to bond.
It was disgusting. Truly disgusting. Just listening to his embarrassed voice come through one of the many bugs he liked to plant on him was enough to ruin his day. It never failed to leave him with a strange mixture of annoyance and restlessness. Usually he got the strong urge to make himself so much of a nuisance that Chuuya had no choice but to waste his time and attention on his antics...
But that wasn't what he was here for. No, Dazai hadn't come all the way to complain about his dog (something he'd happily do if prompted), he'd come here for something much more important.
"It's very dangerous to provoke the other executives."
"It's not my fault he has worse taste than Chuuya," Dazai complained as Mori tended to the various cuts and bruises from his encounter with Verlaine. It wasn't his fault that even the stupid chibi had a better sense of style than he did and it especially wasn't his fault that being compared to Chuuya apparently made the man go into a rage. Honestly, if he can't handle hearing that he's even uglier than Chuuya, maybe he should stop claiming to be his brother. "I was polite enough to point it out in my-" His words were cut off by a sudden barrage of petals making themselves known.
Dazai coughed, not hearing Mori's exasperated pleas for him to sit still. He struggled to breathe as he tried to un-lodge the mass of petals from his throat. After a few seconds of struggle, he spit out an entire flower alongside a few assorted petals.
"Its progress is quite severe," Mori looked down at the crumpled sunflower. Specks of blood stood out against yellow and brown. "If this continues, I'll have to remove the plant for you."
The thought sent a wave of dread through Dazai. He'd heard about the alternate cure to Hanahaki. Removing the core of the infection, the plant itself and your emotions along with it. The thought of having that emptiness back, of being entirely unable to escape from it... He'd rather die of the illness than become completely hollow to prolong his suffering.
"I'm working on it," Dazai mumbled as Mori picked up where he left off. It would have been nice if Verlaine hadn't overreacted to his confession. It would have also been nice if he were a bit less prone to violence whenever Chuuya was brought up. It's not like they were even related by blood, why did he get so worked up whenever he made (correct) observations on his "precious baby brother's" height?
"I'd suggest confessing soon."
"I would if I knew who it was..."
Mori paused for a moment. He gave Dazai an incredulous look before he began to laugh. Dazai sunk into his chair, annoyed and embarrassed. He wasn't used to being the one out of the loop and yet, here he was.
When his treatment was over, he was sporting more bandages than usual. It wasn't unwelcomed by any means. Some might even remain after the injuries healed. He got ready to leave only to stop just at the door. Might as well cover all his bases.
"Boss, one more thing..."
...
Dazai's exit was followed by another round of laughter from Mori. His face burned with embarrassment as he went.
"What's wrong with you?" Dazai groaned at the sound of Chuuya's voice. He'd holed himself away in one of the many conference rooms of headquarters to plan his next move, not to be bothered by a hat rack he could barely see. Even worse, a few stray petals from his last fit still stuck to the roof of his mouth, leaving him with a very unpleasant feeling. "You look like shit."
"Oh? Is someone speaking to me?" Dazai looked around, deliberately passing over Chuuya. "It must be the wind."
"I'm right here asshole!"
"Or maybe it's a tiny fair-" Chuuya hit him in the arm in the same place Verlaine had. "Ow! Such a brutish chibi!"
"Shut the hell up, it didn't even hurt."
"Normally maybe, but I'm already injured." A flash of concern crossed Chuuya's face before he clarified. "Your evil brother attacked me for no reason!"
Chuuya narrowed his eyes. "He doesn't need a reason, you make yourself a nuisance just by breathing."
"What a mean thing to say to your master!"
"I'm not your damn dog!" His arm twitched but didn't move. Despite his words, he didn't hit Dazai again like he normally would. Granted, it was probably less out of concern for his health and more because he trusted that Verlaine had already done a good enough job. "And why were you bothering him in the first place!?"
"Because I was confessing my undying love to him, of course."
"Is that why I keep hearing about you bothering everyone?" Chuuya grabbed him by the shirt. Dazai felt petals building as his heart began to race. It was only natural he'd be angry with the chibi so close to him. "I heard gramps talking about-"
Dazai tuned Chuuya out as he normally did. Instead, he focused on trying to keep the petals back. It wouldn't be good for his image if his dog saw him coughing up sunflowers...
Then again, OdaSaku's advice rang in his mind. He'd tried quite a few people by now, but there was still one he hadn't. And even though the thought of saying such things made his stomach do flips, wasn't it worth a try to cover his bases? It's not like he hadn't already tried Mori of all people.
"Hey, asshole!" Chuuya snapped his fingers in front of Dazai's face, successfully drawing his attention. "Are you even listening?"
"Of course not," Dazai dodged an annoyed kick sent his way with ease. "Your temper's just as short as you are!"
"Only when I'm dealing with bastards like you!"
"You know other people like me?"
"Not as annoying, no. If I did, it'd be bad for my sanity."
"How touching! Chuuya thinks I'm one of a kind!"
"That's one way to put it..."
Dazai grinned at Chuuya only for him to drop when he felt petals build in the back of his throat. Right, that. He'd almost forgotten because of how fun Chuuya was to tease.
"What's with that stupid look on your face?" There was the slightest hint of worry in Chuuya's tone. It really was revolting. "You look like you're about to throw up-"
"It's just because I'm imagining what it would be like to spend the rest of my life with such a disgusting shorty."
"What the hell are you on about n-" Dazai shocked Chuuya into silence by grabbing his hand. His stomach began to churn just from the contact. He really was a disgusting slug, wasn't he? And yet, part of him didn't want to let go.
"I can't stand the thought of being around you..." His words clashed against the almost desperate way he held onto Chuuya. "But I can't let such a poor mannered dog run off and find a new owner so... Stay by my side, okay?"
Chuuya stared at him for a moment. His face slowly turned red as his tiny brain finally began to work. He turned away but didn't take his hand back. "Tch... Where's this coming from?"
Dazai frowned more for show than anything. For some reason, his normally controlled pulse was racing. Even more concerning, he couldn't feel the flowers in his throat anymore. Was it too late? Was he dying? Or, most horrifying of all, had he successfully confessed? "Is Chuuya really too slow to know where words come from?" The words didn't come out quite as steady as he would have liked.
"You're an idiot, you know that?" Chuuya finally pulled away leaving Dazai with the desire to capture his whole body instead of just his hands. "I'm not going anywhere until I make you pay for all the shit you've put me through."
"Then I'll just have to make sure there's always something to pay for~" Dazai smiled before snatching the hat from Chuuya's head. He ran before Chuuya could even process what had happened, taking a moment to appreciate the stupid look on his dog's face. "Like right now!"
"Hey!" Chuuya shot after him, obviously not at full speed. Dazai had seen first hand how fast the little slug could be. "Get back here you stupid bastard!"
It’s been two weeks since Dazai coughed up even a single petal. Two weeks since he'd told himself that he'd have to ramp up the pranks he pulled on Chuuya. He couldn't risk his dog falling into someone else's hands, could he?
Not Verlaine, not Kouyou, not anyone. Dazai would make sure Chuuya stayed by his side, because he loved him and, more importantly, he loved to torment him. He'd hold him close (both figuratively and literally now, it was so fun to see how red Chuuya could get without his ability) so that no one could steal away his precious Chibi.