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The first girl enters the villa with all the gravitas expected of reality TV, swinging her hips and tossing her arms in the air. Her bikini leaves little to the imagination and the boys waiting in a line by the edge of the pool all rake their eyes over her appreciatively. Three of them step forward, presenting themselves as interested despite knowing nothing about her, Buck rocking on his heels between the other two and smiling in that way that’s part charming and part shy, the way that always gets women on calls swooning over him. The girl scans over her options and Eddie thinks, she’s going to pick him for sure.
“She’s pretty,” Chim commentates.
Hen snorts. “They’re all pretty. That’s the point.”
Chim has his phone hooked up to the TV so they can watch last night’s premier episode in awkward chunks between calls. They’ve already been interrupted once and they haven’t even seen anyone ‘couple up’ yet—just the intros from the boys, where Buck described himself as looking for a genuine connection while ducking his head and laughing. Hen had cooed over that, talking about how if anyone could find that on a reality show, it would be Buck. Eddie can’t help but agree; Buck has a knack for making people love him.
Not that Eddie is speaking from personal experience, or anything.
The first girl doesn’t pick him, nor the second, but the third girl, a redhead in a sage green one-piece named Teagan, does. Buck beams at her, sidling up next to her to watch the rest of the proceedings while she leans flirtatiously against his bare chest. The cameras don’t linger on the pairs, preferring the drama of girl number four picking between the two remaining guys and the then the default coupling of the last two islanders, but Eddie watches them in the background and can see Buck leaning down to whisper something in Teagan’s ear that makes her laugh.
See? He has a knack.
Eddie doesn’t pay attention to the shots of the other couples getting to know each other, instead scrolling absently through his phone screens wishing he could text Buck like he usually does on shifts where he’s not present, but he turns his face back to the screen when it cuts to Buck and Teagan.
Naturally, Buck turns the conversation on her first, asking about her job (a social media marketer for some children’s phone app) and her family (two sisters and a dog) and what she’s looking for on the island (mostly fun, but open to more if she finds someone). He’s an attentive listener, which Eddie could have said before all this, asking follow up questions and really, genuinely trying to get to know her. He smiles the whole time, watching Teagan talk like there’s nowhere else he’d rather be, and she soaks up the attention easily, because of course she does. Eddie does the same, when Buck’s eyes are on him, and only feels a little guilty about it. Teagan, of course, has no reason to feel guilty.
“So, what about you?” she asks finally, poking Buck’s thigh playfully with her toe, which Eddie thinks is mostly an excuse to show off her long legs for the cameras (though that may not be entirely fair). “What do you do?”
“I’m a firefighter,” he answers, lighting up in the all-to familiar way that he always does when talking about his job. Then, before Teagan can say anything else, he adds, “My team is basically my family—it’s a great place to work.”
“Firefighter, huh?” Teagan has the same expression on her face now that people on calls get, and next to Eddie both Hen and Chim groan and roll their eyes. It’s a predictable reaction, and Eddie hears her follow up comment in his head a second before she says it. “What’s the craziest thing you’ve done on the job?”
There are hundreds of answers Buck could give to that, playing up the danger or the heroics or the comedy. He could bring up some of his stories that might clue Teagan into the fact that she’s heard of him before, even if not with his name attached. Eddie’s played the game before, he knows how flirting works and how to play up certain aspects of the job. Buck is better at that than most, Eddie knows from observation and from stories of Buck 1.0, so it’s somewhat surprising when Buck falters at the question, smile going just slightly frozen in the corners.
“I had to kill a snake, once,” he says after an awkward beat.
Teagan laughs, startled. “Isn’t that a job for animal control?”
“Not when it’s choking someone.”
Bobby, who hasn’t been watching as actively as the rest of them, but has paused behind the couch to look at the screen for a minute, shakes his head. “Notice how he leaves out how he immediately hit on ‘someone’.”
Hen boos the screen. Eddie gets the distinct impression that she’d be throwing popcorn at it, if she had any. “That was years ago! How is that the first thing he thought of?”
The camera lingers, briefly, on Teagan’s smile, and then cuts to another couple. Eddie, once again, stops paying attention.
*
Eddie wasn’t there when Buck applied for Love Island, but he was there when Buck got accepted. The email had come through while Buck was in the Diaz kitchen, chopping vegetables, and he hadn’t thought anything of picking up Buck’s phone for him and sliding the message open. He’s known Buck’s password for months now, for one reason or another, and sometimes when his hands are busy, Eddie will read out his messages. The email had been something of a shock, and when he’d finished the first paragraph, he stopped, raising his eyebrows at Buck in a silent question.
Buck had been flushing, he remembers, not enough to turn him fully pink but enough that he ducked his chin into his shoulder and avoided Eddie’s eyes. “Just thought it might be fun,” he said instead of explaining. “I didn’t think I’d actually be accepted.”
Eddie might not watch a lot of reality TV, or any at all, actually, but he understands the basic premise of Love Island just from reading the first paragraph of the email. So he’d said, “Why wouldn’t they accept you?”
Buck just shrugged. “I know what I look like on paper—” and he says those last two words like they’re significant, imbuing a little bit of humour into them— “but that doesn’t mean it’ll translate to screen, you know? I mean, physically, sure, but…”
Eddie had thought about saying, how do you not understand how great you are? but the moment had passed as Buck kept talking about how he wasn’t even sure that he’d get the time off approved, and how logistically annoying it would be given that he could get voted off at any moment, and how embarrassing the whole ordeal would be, posing and showing off and spouting ridiculous chat up lines. So instead, what Eddie ended up saying was, “But you want to?”
And Buck answered, “Maybe? I don’t know. It’s certainly one way to get…to start dating again.”
*
Teagan’s red hair is constantly styled in tight, wild curls that has Christopher comparing her to Merida when Eddie shows him highly curated clips of his best friend. Explaining the concept of a dating show to Christopher had been one thing, explaining Buck’s presence on one another, and Eddie draws the line at letting his ten-year-old watch a show where challenges include licking whipped cream off of people’s abs. (Thankfully, that episode aired on a night when Eddie wasn’t working—he’s not sure he’d have been able to cope with watching that around Hen and Chim and, god forbid, Bobby. As it was, he’d barely coped.)
But Buck does talk about Christopher, and the Love Island youtube channel has, two weeks into the eight week show, already posted more than one compilation video (the first titled ‘Buck woos Teagan with stories of adorable child back home’ and the second called ‘Buck charms everyone with tales of his best friend’s son’). He knows Christopher gets a kick out of it, preening and giggling at the screen while Buck ends one of his stories with a sigh and, “I’m gonna have so many movie nights to make up for, when I get home.”
Eddie knows that Buck is saying home in a way that encompasses every part of his regular life, not a specific place. If Buck really did consider the Diaz house to be home, he wouldn’t be on a reality TV show, openly looking for love and, based on the way things are going with Teagan, possibly succeeding. If anyone was going to come out of Love Island with a successful relationship, it would be Evan Buckley.
When Eddie had asked if Buck really thought reality TV would be a good way to find a partner, Buck had grinned, called him a sceptic, and said, “People have left the show with serious partners! Some of them are even getting married.”
“Why do you know that?”
“People on Love Island are hot, Eds. I follow them on Instagram,” he’d answered with a shrug, pulling up the profile of some pro boxer who’d apparently been an Islander a few years before, and that had been the end of that.
In a confessional, Buck is looking into the camera with a bashful smile. “Chris is always gonna be a big part of my life. Anyone who I’m dating is going to have to understand and accept that.” There’s a pause, maybe a subtle cut where someone off camera has offered a prompt, because then Buck says, “And, yeah, I’d love to have—kids of my own, one day.”
Eddie sinks back against the firehouse sofa and tries to keep his face blank. Judging by the look Hen sends his way, he doesn’t think he’s entirely successful.
*
Sometime in the middle of week three, Buck is making lunch for the Islanders in the kitchen with sunglasses perched on his nose. He’s been in the sun long enough that he’s turned a pretty golden brown, pink across his nose and the round parts of his shoulders, and he looks at ease as he turns his head to shout for stragglers on the lawn to come up for food. Teagan is perched on a barstool, her chin propped on her hand while she watches him with a charmed smile.
While some of the other couples have broken up and switched around, Buck and Teagan have remained loyal to each other. Although they both get to know other contestants, there hasn’t been any real relationship drama between them—at least so far. Eddie keeps watching for it, knowing that these sorts of shows can and will absolutely manufacture drama if none is immediately apparent, but honestly? Buck looks happy around Teagan, comfortably flirting with her and making a point to serve her first whenever he makes a group meal—which is a new occurrence this week.
“It’s so nice of you to cook for everyone, Buck,” says one of the other girls—Rachel, Eddie thinks her name is.
Buck, predictably, shrugs, but there’s a pleased smile on his face. “At home,” he says, sounding a little wistful, “my Captain cooks for us all, and he’s been teaching me for a while now. We’re always so rushed to eat at the firehouse, but I kinda miss eating with a big group. Thought I could at least put my skills to the test, since you’re all stuck in here with me.”
“It’s delicious,” Teagan assures him, stretching up to peck his cheek as he takes a seat next to her.
A male contestant who Eddie thinks is called Kendrick asks, “You cook for your team a lot, then?”
“Sometimes! It’s good for expanding my horizons. Usually I’m just making Chris’s favourites.” He gestures to the bowls of pasta he’s lined up around the kitchen island. “If it weren’t so hot, I might’ve tried something more complicated for you guys.”
“Instead we get a meal approved by an eight year old,” someone teases (Marcy? Eddie’s not sure—given that he’s seen every episode, he should probably know the names far better than he does.)
“Chris is ten,” Buck corrects immediately, still smiling. “And it’s got the Eddie stamp of approval, too, if that counts for anything.”
It’s not the first time that Buck has mentioned Eddie, of course—it would be hard for him to talk so openly about Christopher without mentioning Eddie at least some of the time—but his name comes up infrequently enough that it still has him perking up slightly. He’s tried not to be offended by how rarely Buck says his name; he talks about Chim and Maddie easily, sends teasing comments about Hen directly to the camera, praises Bobby’s influence in his life whenever the conversation turns to family. He mentions Chris often and easily, organically slips in the names of other firefighters at the 118 when they’re relevant to whatever story he’s spinning, but—but when it comes to Eddie, he’s oddly silent.
His work stories never seem to be ones that involve Eddie, or only involve him in passing. When he talks about his life outside of work, Eddie is only periphery to the tales. On the occasions when he does bring Eddie up unprompted, he’s always quick to switch gears or cut himself short.
Eddie’s trying very hard not to let it get to him, but the fact of the matter is that it has settled over his skin like cheap sunblock, sticky and cloying, leaving him feeling kind of dirty even though there’s nothing specifically wrong with the situation. Buck is the best friend he’s ever had, and he knows the same is true in the inverse. He knows how important they are to each other, not just because of everything they’ve gone through together but because of the everyday stuff too. Buck had once literally given Eddie the shirt off of his back (who just does that?), accompanies him for his least favourite chores, treats Christopher like his own. Buck being gone for the last three weeks has left a gaping hole in Eddie’s life, and sometimes, when he notices how little Buck has mentioned him, he wonders if he’s even missed.
He knows it’s silly. Ridiculous, even.
But so is the fact that Buck is on Love Island instead of right beside Eddie. If Buck had wanted to start dating again…
And that’s the crux of it, isn’t it? Buck had wanted to start dating again, and he’d gone on a dating show before he’d even considered Eddie as an option. He knows Buck misses home, misses him, it’s just that it’s not in the same way that Eddie misses him.
*
Buck tilts his head back, lets out a whooping laugh, and playfully shouts, “I got a text!”
It’s the first time since week one that he’s had the chance to say the seemingly iconic phrase, and Eddie can’t help but grin at the way he’s clearly milking it. Everyone in the immediate vicinity perks up, and others wander closer as they emerge from wherever they’d been hiding away. The camera lingers on some other couple, who are carefully framed to ‘disguise’ the fact that they’ve been caught with their literal pants down.
Once everyone is gathered, Buck continues with the dramatics as he puts on a low, tantalising voice while he reads, “Islanders — prepare yourselves for thunder and lightning as a new girl enters the villa!”
Buck’s barely finished reading before heads are turning towards the gate, the camera following them immediately. The new girl strides in, dark skin wrapped up in a white and gold bikini, her hair worn in a gorgeous natural style that frames her face like a cloud. She pauses with her hip jutted to one side and her arms spread, like she’s waiting for them all to bask in her glory. Eddie knows what she is immediately: she’s here to stir up trouble.
His suspicions are confirmed when she grins sharply, scans her rapt audience, and says, “Hello, boys. I’m Storm.” Eddie bristles as her eyes snag on Buck and her grin stretches just that little bit wider. “Hi, Buck.”
Oh no, Eddie thinks, watching the way Buck’s eyes cut to Teagan immediately.
Chimney snorts, and Eddie is pulled enough out of the moment to remember that he’s not watching this episode alone. Chim, Hen, and a few others are also settled around the TV, providing running commentary and teasing jokes at Buck’s expense. Chim, in this instance, is looking at the TV with barely concealed amusement. “If anyone thinks that Buck is going to go against Teagan now, they’re idiots.”
“They haven’t had drama yet,” Hen points out. “New girl gets to take a boy of her choosing on a date, and look at her intro—she’s not here to make friends. She’s gonna pick Buck, probably because some producer told her to, he’s going to have a crisis about it, and then either Teagan will be normal about the fact that this is a game and this kind of thing happens, or they’ll break up. Either way, it’s good TV.”
“I like Teagan,” someone behind Eddie says, but he doesn’t turn to see who as Hen’s prediction plays out perfectly on screen.
Chim hums. “Me, too. Anyone who manages to come across as nice on a reality show is okay in my book.”
“That’s why they’ve made it so far,” Hen says with a nod. “They’re a safe couple. People like them both individually, and there’s not been any drama to turn anyone against them, so why would they be eliminated, you know?”
“Think they’ll make it to the end?” Eddie asks, trying to disguise any of his personal feelings on the matter.
Hen shrugs. “I don’t know if they have the classic reality show appeal that’ll let them win, but—maybe they’ll hit the finale.”
Buck and Storm’s date ends up being a cooking class. Even if Storm had been told to ask Buck to cause problems, by the midway point of their time together, she’s clearly smitten. Buck talks about various tips he’s learned from Bobby, shares a brief anecdote about him and Chris destroying Eddie’s kitchen while trying to make meringues, and otherwise asks her about herself. She looks at him with bright, starry eyes, and when their meal is complete and they get to dig in, she hugs him excitedly after the first bite, cheering, “We did that!”
He’s attentive but not flirtatious, loyal to Teagan even if it has only been three and a half weeks. This is one of the things that Eddie loves about him—his loyalty is innate, written into his bones.
Because this is a reality show that thrives on drama, a recoupling is called by the firepit the moment that Buck and Storm return to the villa. When it’s Buck’s turn to choose, the camera makes a show of hovering over both Storm and Teagan’s faces, flicking under the light of the flames, drawing out the moment far longer than Eddie knows it would’ve taken in real life.
Of course, Buck says Teagan’s name, and she beams at him, while Storm gets acquainted with her new beau, and the last man standing is left single.
Teagan says, “I wasn’t sure you’d still pick me.”
Eddie wonders if Teagan will stick around outside the villa. If she’ll move to L.A. or invite Buck to move to wherever it is that she’s from. If he’ll have to get used to seeing her around.
He wonders how she could possibly fit into Buck’s life when she doesn’t even know him well enough not to doubt him.
*
The challenge of this episode is to do with reading tweets from viewers of the show and guessing who they’re referring to. Eddie assumes this is meant to reveal drama—like the guy who’d made out with some girl he is distinctly not coupled up with a few episodes ago—but since he’s only really paying attention to the times when Buck is on screen, he’s not expecting anything shocking to come of it.
Some of the early tweets are softballs. There’s one which mentions a ‘kissable birthmark’ which is obviously about Buck, someone cooing about how cute one of the other couples are, and someone calling Marcy a bitch for some shallow reason. Then there’s a series of reveals that would be more dramatic if Eddie cared even a tiny bit, and then they circle back to a couple of soft ones to end out the game.
The host reads a final tweet with a smile. “Blank is going to be such a good dad one day! The way he takes care of people is so sweet!”
The pairs hurry to scribble down their answers and the camera pauses over Teagan and Buck as she whispers something to him that makes him flush and duck his head shyly, and even if Eddie hadn’t already guessed the answer he thinks that editing choice would’ve given it away.
Naturally, the full tweet is revealed to have been “Buck is going to be such a good dad one day! The way he takes care of people is so sweet! And not to mention when he talks about Christopher…” with an emoji that is allegedly known as ‘the pleading face’.
Teagan stands on tiptoe to kiss Buck’s birthmark, beaming at him like she gets to fantasise about him as a dad. Which—she does. She has more of a right to than Eddie does, anyway. Even if sometimes he looks at Buck and Christipher together and aches, a little. Even if part of why he’s been struggling with Buck’s absence over the last month is because he doesn’t have that extra set of hands to support Chris. Even if all three of them are well aware of where Chris’s place is if it’s not with Eddie.
Teagan is the one Buck’s dating, even if it’s only on TV.
Eddie is the one pining uselessly.
He drops his head into his hands and doesn’t even protest when Hen pats him on the back. He doesn’t have it in him to deny his feelings right now, and he’s fairly certain that she wouldn’t believe him if he tried.
*
Week five hits, and with it the show brings a few things that Eddie wasn’t prepared for. The first is Christopher asking after Buck. This, of course, is nothing new—Chris has been asking when Buck will be home practically since he left, stockpiling stories to tell him when they finally get to hang out again and saving a new Lego build for the two of them to do together. But there’s something sort of fragile about it this time, when Chris wakes up bleary eyed like he hadn’t really slept much at all and then stares at the couch for a solid ten seconds before saying, “When is Buck coming home?”
“I don’t know, buddy. If he makes it to the end of the show, then there’s still about three more weeks.”
Christopher nods, accepting this, but he’s quiet for the rest of the morning and hugs Eddie extra tight when it comes time for him to leave for school. Eddie indulges him, wrapping his arms firmly around his son’s shoulders and holding him there for longer than is strictly necessary.
Kids bounce back from trauma easier, or at least that’s what people say, but Eddie knows that most kids haven’t had to face quite as much as Christopher has. And he knows that sometimes what his kid needs is to see Buck, to get one of his patented hugs and hair ruffles, just to feel settled.
For a moment he wonders what happens when Buck starts his own family, with Teagan or with someone else entirely, when he gets those kids he talked about wanting. He said Christopher would always be a big part of his life, but Eddie knows—he knows that a person’s kids always come first, above all else. He knows that when Buck holds his own child, they’ll become priority number one. He wouldn’t expect anything less of his best friend. He hopes that Buck gets that experience one day, since he knows how badly he wants it.
It’s just—selfishly, he’d caught himself daydreaming that he’d be a part of that. He’s been dreaming while awake for far too long, going into every day with his eyes open, and he’s letting his kid do the same. He’s terrified about how he’s going to have to prepare Christopher for that changing.
For now, he breathes through his nose, gives Chris one last squeeze, and smiles reassuringly at Carla.
When he gets to work, Chimney waves him over to the sofa where he and Hen are already waiting. “Just wait for this episode, Eddie,” he enthuses. “I read the description, and things are about to get good.”
“Calm down,” Hen tells him. “We were supposed to be watching to support Buck, not getting invested in trash TV.”
“I can do both things,” Chim says. “Maddie is on my side.”
“I would hope so,” Eddie laughs, setting himself down next to Chimney. “What makes this episode so interesting?”
Chimney’s eyes light up. “ Casa Amor.”
Eddie stares at him blankly. Hen elaborates, “The girls are going to another villa filled with different boys. And the boys are getting a bunch of new girls.”
It takes Eddie a beat, and then he says, “To break up a bunch of the couplings.”
Hen nods. “Oh, yeah. But they won’t know what their other half is up to. The ultimate test of loyalty.”
Oh no, Eddie thinks, and then feels bad for assuming the worst of Teagan. If Buck likes her, then he should at least try to like her as well.
*
Honestly, Eddie finds the Casa Amor episodes boring as fuck, at least for the first two days. Buck doesn’t really look at any of the new girls, although he remains friendly with them and continues to cook for everyone in his villa. He’s charming as ever, bright and bouncy, and on the third day he does hit it off with one girl, a chipper brunette named Sarah, who talks about her much younger sister the same way Maddie talks about Buck. Buck replies with stories about Christopher, only some of which he’s shared before, and Sarah, unlike most of the other girls who were content to just take the stories of a cute kid for what they were, asks follow up questions.
“It’s so sweet that you’re so close with him,” she gushes. “You said his dad is your best friend?”
“Yeah!” Buck agrees, grinning. The pink has faded from his nose and shoulders now that his body is fully used to being out in the sun. “Eddie. They mean the world to me.”
Sarah nods, a smile on her face that seems understanding. “Sorry if this is crossing a line, but—well, I was watching the show before I came on it. You don’t mention your family much.”
Buck’s smile goes a little strained, but he answers, “I talk about my family all the time.”
“Yeah,” Sarah says, nodding. “I guess you do.” There’s a beat of awkward silence, and then she continues, “You’re lucky to have such a big one. Everything you’ve said—they sound fantastic. Especially Christopher. I bet he’d get along with Ivy.”
Buck’s answering smile means the previous awkwardness is forgotten, and Eddie tries to imagine a future where Buck’s inevitable kids or step kids or sisters-in-law play with Chris in the backyard while Eddie makes conversation with his girlfriend or wife in the living room, and feels guilty for hating it.
*
On day five of Casa Amor, Teagan kisses one of the boys in her villa.
She doesn’t seem terribly guilty about it, either, sitting in the confessional and saying, “I know Buck is lovely. He’s so my type on paper—I mean, hello! Firefighter, good with kids, a stellar cook. But there’s just this spark with Kellan that I can’t ignore.”
She pauses, fiddling with the strap of her swimsuit. “I think I’m going to choose him at the recoupling.”
Because this is reality TV, this immediately cuts to Buck and Sarah together and Buck saying, “I really do like her. I’m glad she picked me.”
“You’re sweet together,” Sarah agrees, leaning back in her pool float and readjusting her sunglasses. “I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”
“Yeah?” Buck says, once again flashing his bashful smile. “Yeah, I think you’re right.”
Eddie feels his heart sink on Buck’s behalf.
*
Buck brightens as soon as Teagan steps through the gate, already waving her over, and then deflates just as quickly when he sees her fingers linked with Kellan’s. Eddie almost turns off the TV just so that he doesn’t have to look at the expression on his face—not exactly heartbroken, just sort of resigned—but he thinks that Chimney might actually skin him alive if he did, so he keeps it on and watches with his heart in his throat.
As much as he hates seeing Buck with someone else, he hates this even more. Buck looks strangely worn down, like he should’ve expected this, and Eddie wants nothing more than to be there for him and shake him by the shoulders and tell him a million times or more that he deserves to be loved unselfishly and unconditionally. But, of course, even if Eddie had the courage to do such a thing, Buck isn’t exactly accessible right now.
Buck stays quiet and out of the way until the recoupling, and then the camera stays on his tight-faced reaction as Teagan chooses Kellan over him. It’s gratuitous and evil, and the producers just want a good show and don’t care that Buck has a history of abandonment issues.
“Fuck,” Chimney says next to him, shaking his head. “I was hoping she wouldn’t do that.”
“Yeah,” Eddie agrees, making no effort to disguise the bitterness in his voice. “Me, too.”
The silver lining comes from Sarah immediately picking Buck and wrapping him in a tight, comforting hug as soon as she’s close enough to do so. Buck smiles at her, and it’s a genuine expression, and Eddie tries to be happy about that, too.
It’s been a long six weeks without Buck next to him, and there’s still possibly two full weeks remaining.
Eddie resists the urge to groan out loud.
*
Buck and Sarah are even better together than Buck and Teagan were, which is obvious to everyone immediately. Chim says that the Love Island hashtag is full of people rooting for #Barah, which Eddie supposes is a better name than Suck, and even inside the firehouse people comment that Buck looks happier, more at ease, than he has throughout any of his time in the villa. Eddie, who knows Buck better than anyone, has to begrudgingly agree. Buck’s shoulders are looser, his smile brighter. He laughs while he cooks with Sarah perched on the counter next to him, and over the four days since the recoupling, they’ve bonded even more thoroughly than they had during Casa Amor.
Teagan and Kellan are voted out pretty quickly, which Eddie thinks Teagan should’ve seen coming. Buck’s made the public fall in love with him, and betraying him was never going to go well for her. Buck comes out ahead, is the point, and people love watching him flourish with Sarah at his side.
Eddie hates it, but only a little. It’s good to see Buck so happy, or at least that’s what he tells himself as he shows Chris a clip of Buck and Sarah talking about him and Ivy.
“Ivy loves Lego,” Sarah is saying, her eyes going soft and fond. “She has this—it’s this massive dinosaur—”
“With articulated limbs?” Buck guesses, grinning. When Sarah nods, he says, “Yeah, I think Christopher has the same set. We built it just before I left. Does Ivy make up her own builds too?”
“Sometimes! She watches some guy on youtube for ideas, but she gets frustrated easily…”
The clip ends on Buck’s smiling face as the camera cuts away to more dramatic conversations, but Eddie knows what would come next anyway. He can almost hear Buck providing tips for Lego builds, can see Sarah listening attentively, can imagine them curling up together on one of the lounge beds with their heads ducked together.
And, sure, Eddie’s noticed that Buck hasn’t been as flirty with Sarah as he was with Teagan, and they haven’t kissed (or, at least, Eddie assumes they haven’t—that seems like the sort of thing that the show would air), but it’s only a matter of time, really. Buck’s been hurt, so he’s taking his next relationship slower, more carefully. The fact that they’re not openly romantic has done nothing to dissuade any viewers of their chemistry, and Eddie’s not blind. He can see it too, the ease between them, the nearly immediate closeness. He can see Sarah fitting into Buck’s life more permanently than he could see with Teagan, which is ridiculous because Sarah’s been around for much less time.
“I like Sarah better than Teagan,” Christopher says, and Eddie bites back a sigh while he ruffles his son’s hair.
“Me, too, buddy,” he says.
Chris nods. “When is Buck getting home?”
“Week and half,” Eddie answers, and doesn’t bother with the qualifier about if Buck makes it to the finale, because it seems incredibly obvious that he’s going to make it all the way. Now that he has that bit of drama with Teagan, and he and Sarah are so solid, Eddie thinks they might even have a chance at winning the hundred-thousand-dollar grand prize. “But he might want to stay with Sarah for a bit.”
Christopher looks confused. “Why? He hasn’t been home forever.”
Eddie doesn’t really have a good answer for that, because he agrees. He wants Buck to get back and come straight to their house, come straight home, but he knows that might not be how things play out. He should be preparing Chris for that eventuality, like he’d thought about weeks ago, but right now he just sighs, wraps one arm around Chris’s shoulders, and says, “Yeah. I know.”
*
It’s been a day of exhausting, non-stop calls and Eddie trudges up the stairs without a thought in his head. He all but collapses onto the sofa while he waits for the rest of the A-shift to join him. They’re only ten minutes into the second-to-last episode of Love Island, with plans to actually watch the finale live tonight, if they manage to finish this episode between calls. They get off shift exactly a half-hour before the finale stars, and Eddie has offered up his house for a watch party. Hen’s bag is full of snacks and Chim has a bet running on who the winners will be and Chris is excited to get to watch the results together with everyone, because Eddie figures unveiling the results and opening envelopes is probably not going to be inappropriate.
One by one, the others make their way up the stairs and settle in, and then Chim presses play and they watch with dead eyes and very little conversation as the events of the penultimate day play out. There’s some last minute drama, one last challenge that amounts to nothing, and a moment where Buck gives Sarah a piggyback ride which has the whole firehouse chuckling fondly, even through their exhaustion.
They manage to finish the episode before the alarm goes off again, and when they’ve finished that call it’s close enough to their end time that Bobby gestures for them to get to the showers as the next shift starts to trickle in.
Getting themselves cleaned up and chattering with each other about whether or not the winners will split the money means that they’re all at least slightly more chipper by the time they file into Eddie’s living room and tune into the final episode.
Eddie’s excited but wary. According to the internet, Buck and Sarah are practically guaranteed a win, which means that Buck will be leaving the villa fifty-thousand dollars richer and a new girlfriend, which is obviously good for him. But Eddie can’t help but worry about what it will be like when he comes back. He’s been watching and waiting and pining for eight weeks, and he’s not sure that he can bring himself to keep doing it, and he can’t quite bring himself to stop either.
The episode is full of faux-sentimentality between the final four couples, sweeping musical scores and linger shots of the villa. Buck and Sarah spend most of their time in the pool, splashing at each other and laughing, before going their separate ways to get ready for the results and reconvening with a warm hug. Buck compliments her dress—gold like champagne—and she pats his face affectionately.
The results are announced slowly, dramatically, but it’s not a surprise when Buck and Sarah make it to the final two. This is the first episode that they’re watching live, so they have to put up with it cutting to commercial right as the host is about to reveal who the winner is. Hen boos and Chim throws a handful of skittles at the TV.
Eddie shoots him a dry look. “You’re picking those all up,” he says, and although Chim grumbles, he does immediately begin picking them up. Maddie, who has also joined for this final episode, laughs affectionately at the sight.
Chimney is back in his seat by the time the show resumes.
No one is surprised when Buck and Sarah are announced as the winners, but that doesn’t stop them from breaking out into chaotic cheering. Christopher claps his hands together, squirming excitedly in his seat as he watches Buck and Sarah exchange another hug and head up to take their envelopes.
The voiceover hastily explains how this final challenge works: one envelope contains the money, one envelope is blank. Whoever opens the one with the money gets to decide if they’re going to split it, or keep the prize for themself.
Buck winks at Sarah, who laughs, and they open their respective envelopes.
Buck’s is blank.
Sarah turns hers around to display the printed number $100,000.
“So, Sarah,” the host says, beaming. “What will it be?”
Hen sucks in a breath during the manufactured delay, saying “If she betrays him like Teagan did—”
She doesn’t get to finish her threat before Buck is saying, “I think you should take the money.”
Sarah blinks at him. “What?”
The sentiment is echoed throughout the living room.
Buck shifts awkwardly on his feet, shrugging his shoulders up to his ears. “It’s just—I came here genuinely looking for—for love, or at least connection, sure, but also because I was trying to get over someone.”
Eddie frowns when people turn to look at him, shrugging and just as confused as they are.
On screen, Buck continues, “But I—I really haven’t. It’s been eight weeks and it’s still hard not to talk about them, even though I try really, really hard not to. It’s been eight weeks and you’re—you’re so great, Sarah, but it’s been eight weeks and all I really want to do is go home.”
“I’m not your type on paper,” Sarah teases, and she doesn’t look hurt or upset or even that shocked.
“You are, is the thing,” Buck admits, smiling a little helplessly. “It’s just that—he’s my type, full stop. No qualifiers.”
He.
It’s not that unexpected or shocking, not really. Buck’s been open about his interest in and attraction to men before. But there’s only really one person with those pronouns who Buck’s been avoiding talking about for these last eight weeks, and Eddie is him.
Eddie’s eyes are glued to the screen but he can feel almost everyone else’s eyes on him. He doesn’t know how he’s supposed to react when pretty much everyone he cares about is in the room with him, so he simply doesn’t. He doesn't move or blink or even breathe, really, as she watches Sarah smile and say, “Let’s split the money anyway.”
She and Buck hug again, and he picks her up to spin her around, and they’re both laughing.
The narrator makes some jokey commentary as the credits start to roll, and around Eddie people begin to stand up and grab their things. If the finale had played out any differently, he’s pretty sure that people would’ve stayed, milling around and making jokes. As it is, most people file out quickly, making jokes about wanting to get back to their own beds.
Maddie lingers, just a moment, and when Eddie finally raises his eyes to look at her, she’s smiling. “I’m so proud of him.”
“Yeah,” Eddie says thickly. “Yeah, that was…”
“Brave,” she says, beaming. “Really brave. You’re picking him up from the airport tomorrow, right?”
He nods. “Yeah, of course.”
Her gaze turns knowing. “Are you going to be brave too?”
She leaves, patting him on the shoulder as she goes, without giving him a chance to answer.
*
Eddie is not brave.
He brings Christopher with him to the airport and doesn’t answer his pointed questions about what Buck meant during the finale (and the questions are pointed—his son is too perceptive for his own good). Chris’s excitement doesn’t wear off and he’s practically bursting with it by the time they’re arranged by the arrival gates. He’d made Buck a sign, a mess of markers and stickers and crayons that Eddie just knows Buck is going to get teary eyed over and probably keep, with the collection of Christopher art that he doesn’t know Eddie knows he saves.
When Buck wanders out, a duffle bag on one shoulder and a small wheeled suitcase held in the opposite hand, he finds them almost immediately. Chris rushes forward and Buck drops down to his level with his arms spread, scooping him into a tight hug. Eddie watches Buck press his face into Chris’s hair and just breathe, for a moment. It’s not the first time that he’s seen them hug like this of course, and he’s sure it won’t be the last, and anyone who’d paid any attention to Love Island could’ve told you that Buck missed Christopher something fierce, but that doesn’t mean that Eddie’s heart doesn’t swell at the sight of the real, physical proof of it.
Christopher is already talking a mile a minute, filling Buck in on the last eight weeks without pausing for breath. His speech is coming at such a rapid pace that there’s no way Buck is keeping up with it, but he nods and makes appropriate noises and watches Chris’s face with open affection. When Chris finally does stop long enough to suck in air, Buck looks up at Eddie and he’s hit by the full force of his smile for the first time in two months.
Two months. It doesn’t sound like very long except for all the ways that it feels like aeons. Eddie’s watched Buck smile and laugh and joke and flirt on the firehouse TV or on his phone for the last two months, but none of those smiles had looked like this one—like it’s settled back into place without thought or effort, like it belongs there. It’s the smile that Buck has given Eddie and Christopher almost since they first met, and for a second, Eddie’s stomach swoops. It’s a giddy feeling, knowing that their presence brings that out in him.
“I love you,” Eddie says, and he’s not sure it counts as bravery if he didn’t mean to say it.
Buck’s eyes go wide. He’s still crouched down, hands on Christopher’s forearms where he’d been casually supporting him while he talked, and he’s looking up at Eddie. His smile wavers, for half a second, and it’s just long enough that Eddie’s throat constricts, but then it’s back—a little wider than before, a little softer in the corners of his eyes, and, oh. Eddie thought he was giddy about bringing out the first one, but that’s nothing on the excitement that erupts within him now.
“I love you,” he repeats, and Chris giggles, all but collapsing against Buck’s still-startled form. “God, Buck—do you even know how much I missed you? How much I hated watching you—flirt and pose and—and shout about getting texts and give fu—freaking confessionals where you talked about wanting kids? And you didn’t talk about me, not much, none of our stories, and then—you tried to turn down fifty thousand dollars because…because of me, I think.”
Buck brings one arm up around Christopher’s shoulders, which are shaking with what Eddie has to assume is laughter. He’s laughing at his dad for being so ridiculous, and Eddie can’t even blame him because he’s seconds from bursting into nervous laughter, too. Buck looks away from Eddie to glance at the top of Chris’s head, and then he murmurs, “I almost said more.”
“What?”
Buck raises his eyes again, something nervous swimming behind his eyes, “I almost said more. That I wanted more kids.”
Eddie’s heart leaps up to his throat. “You can. Just not with Sarah.”
There’s a beat, and then Buck barks out a laugh. “Hey, be nice to Sarah. She’s my friend.”
“Buck,” Eddie says, half-desperate and all the way in love and definitely not thinking clearly. “We can have more kids.”
“Aren’t you moving a bit fast there, Diaz?” Buck teases, but his smile looks like it hurts, it’s so wide, and Eddie kind of wants to kiss him (really, really wants to kiss him) and he probably should’ve talked to Christopher about this before he sprung it on both him and Buck impulsively in the arrivals gate at LAX, but he didn’t and now he’s here.
“I don’t think so,” he says, and he means it. He’s never been quite so sure of anything.
Buck lets go of Christopher to stand, and then keeps his hand on his shoulder, keeping the boy tucked into his side, as he looks at Eddie. “You don’t think so?”
“I didn’t move fast enough, before—you went on a dating show when you could’ve just dated me.” Eddie laughs, and it’s only a little bit crazed. “I’m not making that mistake again.”
“I think I’d be a good big brother,” Christopher adds, beaming up at them both.
This comment is what ultimately gets Buck choked up. Eddie watches him swallow thickly and blink hard. He hears the waver in Buck’s voice when he says, “You’d be the best.”
“Buck,” Eddie says, stepping closer and winding his fingers into Buck’s. “I love you.”
Buck’s eyes are shining when he replies, “I love you, too. Let’s go home. I’ve missed it.”
Yeah, Eddie thinks, as he tugs Buck and Christopher through the airport and towards the parking lot, so have I.
*
Gemma ♡ @nicegirl__9867
Might not be #BARAH, but I think Buck just got his happy ending after all! #LoveIsland #LAX
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