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It was one of those moments where Jayce wasn’t entirely sure how he had ended up there.
Hiding about the halls of the Academy late at night wasn’t exactly an unusual occurrence with Viktor; neither of them were particularly hung up on rules and regulations when there were important theses to test, world-changing equations to be balanced. And so it wasn’t unusual to find himself pressed against a wall in hidden hushed corners, waiting for night guards to pass, or folding himself through tight gaps in windows when Viktor beckoned. That had been a constant about their… relationship. When Viktor called, Jayce came.
So maybe he did know how he got there.
But there was something about the here and now that felt different. Jayce was used to Viktor hushed and serious, or sarcastic and dry, focused… He had a catalogue of each micro-expression Viktor made, of his quips and the corresponding moods, of how to respond to each minor change in mood; most importantly how to make a smile return to that thin, crooked face. In all of that Jayce still managed to be stumped by this.
They had crept up a portion of tinted panes to where glass made way for flat tiles and a handful of brave plants had made their home. He still didn’t know how Viktor had so nimbly climbed and hopped, clutching his cane, but as with all things it took his breath away. When the adrenaline had cleared, in all its clutching-laughing glory, Viktor had stopped.
At first Jayce was concerned. The expression was unfamiliar. Uncategorised. But it wasn’t bad, it can’t have been, for Viktor grabbed at Jayce’s arm and pointed up to the sky.
“Jayce- look!”
And there it was. Awe. Uncomplicated joy and awe. Wrinkles of worry smoothed away; a rare treat, but not so rare as the genuine smile across Viktor’s face.
Jayce was unable to hear or process anything Viktor said as he drank in the beautiful sight that was his partner, excited and smiling. The shape of Viktor’s hand on his arm was being burned into his very skin, hot and tingling even beneath his shirt, sending lines that shiver up through his whole body. Viktor was so close, so comfortable, and yet, the space between them had never seemed greater. It was such a small distance and yet insurmountable.
It would be so easy to close the gap, all it would take was a small movement and he would displace the particles along his skin, replace them with himself; and yet contained in that small space was all that was unspoken, the balance of almost-feelings and not-quite-rejection he was so wary to tip. To lose any of what he had would be the worst crime he could commit.
So Jayce stayed perfectly still, aware of the negative space in their joined silhouette, tucked away in anxious thoughts piling on the thump of his heart.
Until as always, Viktor pulled him out.
“Jayce?” A light teasing smile traced upon his lips and Jayce wants to kiss it from Viktor’s face.
“Mm.. What?” Jayce rubs a hand over his face, blinking.
“Ah, so you were not listening.”
“V… Oh fuck I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to ignore you, I just-”
“Got lost?” He is teasing and so, so beautiful, with moonlight dappling his smooth pale skin. “Yes, I could see that. I was just saying I was about to lay down.”
Jayce’s confusion must have shown on his face, because Viktor laughed and explained.
“The sky is.. So clear. I want to see- to show you. The patterns they make and stories people will tell.. It is easier to see when you lay down. It is also a convenient place to keep from being seen, no?”
Jayce knows they are far from being seen, that nobody is looking for them, but he will not turn down the opportunity to lay beside Viktor, to listen to Viktor. So like the obedient, intelligent fool he was, Jayce followed Viktor and lay down beside him on the cool damp tile, knowing it would do nothing but stoke the fires in his heart, and knowing he would do everything to follow the man wherever he went, even if only as a colleague. A friend.
“Jayce?”
He was addicted to the way the man’s accent curled around the words he spoke, hanging onto it almost as much as the words themselves, but something about his name coming from those lips was intoxicating. Jayce didn’t think he would ever get used to it. He hoped he wouldn’t. The fluttering, warm feeling in his chest was something special he treasured, even if it had to remain one-sided and hidden to preserve their precious friendship.
Jayce shook his head a little and realised he was yet to respond.
”Viktor..” Their name was whispered almost reverently, a small prayer and exaltation. “Sorry! I was miles away.”
Turning his head a little, Jayce caught Viktor’s small eye roll and indulgent smile. His heart soared.
”Mm. Quite.” There was a small huff of breath, and a nervous tongue darted out to wet Viktor’s lips. Anxiety and uncertainty were often hard to read on Viktor, but Jayce knew his tells. Jayce shifted his hips, turning slightly towards Viktor, trying with all his might to stay grounded, show the man next to him he was attentive and caring. “If you are back in the room… well, roof, I did have a few things I had wanted to show you.”
Jayce nodded vigorously.
”Please.” The word came out a little strangled and desperate. Jayce wondered distantly how easy it might be to have Viktor wring that sound from his body in other ways. He cleared his throat. Now was not the time. He did not want to taint this moment with his private fantasies, he wanted to remain present with Viktor. “I- uh. I mean yes. I would love to.”
Viktor smiled a little and turned his gaze back up to the stars. Jayce mirrored Viktor’s earlier action, smoothing his tongue across slightly dry lips, resisting the urge to chew on them and instead focus on the sky above them.
”The night sky, it is…” There was a kind of wonder in Viktor’s voice as he spoke, one Jayce clung to whenever he was lucky enough to find it. “It is science, yes, the vitality of a thousand planets, visualised in those burning masses, the elements of our very existence released in their birth and death, but it is much more.”
When he spoke like this, it was as if it were just the two of them. Although Viktor would never be one for public speeches, it was not for lack of skill or a way with words. His words wrapped around the both of them, built them up in this bubble of awe and wonder, where all things were possible and nothing was quite beyond reach.
Viktor continued with a small breath and a serious furrow of his brows, hand gesturing up to the sky to punctuate his words.
“It is everything. There is light, hope…and stories. All up there, trickling their way down here.” He took a shuddering breath again. Jayce watched his chest heave slightly, an edge of worry peeking to make itself known. “Where I grew up, down…” Viktor considers his words. “In the undercity, sunlight is rare. Where we can see the sky it is often filtered through smog and all the foul air.”
As though to cruelly illustrate his point, a slight cough made itself known somewhere in the back of his throat.
”There is always a light on down there. Something neon and burning to show you where you are. As I am sure you can imagine, it makes it hard to see the stars at night.”
It was not often Viktor volunteered information about his childhood, or life before Piltover; Jayce did not pry, knowing something of the kind of life he must have had, but he took the pieces he was offered to build a scrapbook image of the places and people that shaped this odd man. Moments like this? They would be scribbled down and kept close to his heart. Ripped from his journal to be pressed into his breast pocket.
“But hard does not mean impossible, and whatever happened to the world outside, stories remained. Everyone has stories about the stars, about how things used to be, or how they came to be. To be able to see the constellations so clearly…”
Viktor trailed off. Something sparkled in his eye- a tear. Jayce could only guess at what kind, but it reflected the pinpricks of light above them, shone like this itself was a fragment of the stars he looked so kindly on.
He let his arm drop down by his side again. It landed softly alongside Jayce’s. Viktor’s sleeve was bunched around his elbow, sooty and now a little grey from the gravel. Jayce allowed his eyes to follow the soft line of his pale skin down from his elbow to his wrist and elegant fingers, laying palm up, fingers lightly curled and at rest. There was a warmth radiating from him, intensified by their closeness. Jayce had never been more aware of a person’s body. Each intake of breath was an expanse; chest rising, taking up more space, pressing them closer together.
There was almost nothing in it. It would take the barest shift to align their bodies. To fulfil the anticipation. To take Viktor’s hand in his own- less than that. Viktor’s thumb was so close to his, Jayce could feel its heat burning into him (though he knew those delicate digits would be ice-cold).
And yet Jayce felt every atom as if it were a mile wide.
Viktor turned to him, fixing those molten-starlight eyes onto Jayce with a small curve of a smile he wanted to kiss.
”It’s beautiful.”
Jayce nodded. There was a love-drunk smile he couldn’t help but let spread across his face.
”It’s beautiful…” He echoed his partner’s words quietly, though his quiet reverence was more for the man than the backdrop he admired.
Viktor raised his arm again- and Jayce’s heart skipped a beat when he chose to keep the one laying between them still, allowing Jayce the luxury of imagining he wasn’t alone in his love, and allowing an unbroken view of the gorgeous lines and shadows of his face. Viktor began to talk again, pointing out the lines of constellations, giving the stories behind them, and Jayce did his best to follow along without becoming too distracted by his own thoughts or feelings. His feelings were the most distracting.
Love was the word. Jayce could no longer hide behind the dismissal of it as a crush: this was a slow-burning fire of seasoned hawthorn and pine, not a flash of gasoline. If asked, he might be able to pinpoint the moment he fell in love with Viktor, though the specifics would change every day.
The truth was that Jayce did not know when he fell in love. It was not born from the cliche first overwhelming sight. There was something about Viktor, from the moment they met, that burrowed its way into Jayce’s skull and ate its way to his heart, but he did not love Viktor right away. It was more of a slow thing, something he didn’t even realise was happening until it was all he could think about. Until Viktor was all he could think about.
It was overwhelming, terrifying to feel so much from someone doing so little. Jayce was terrified. There were a million unknowns, uncharted territory.
And yet, despite the way his heart beat right through his chest, there was something so calming about it. Viktor, without even doing anything, lifted Jayce up into this bubble of security and light. Made it so he did not run, did not make excuses or fill the silence with awkward jokes, just… sat there and soaked up everything Viktor allowed him. Each word, each gesture at each burning light, was a gift Jayce treasured.
And even though there were glowing wonders of nature filling the sky, Jayce's eyes strayed to something even more beautiful, more special, more dear...
Viktor.