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adaine abernant is so small.
she feels like the walls are closing in on her. she feels like she’s back in the tower in fallinel. her breath catches in her throat and she chokes on the lack of air coming through her.
she’s in mordred manor, her new home. aelwyn’s sleeping in the bunk above her. she needs the rest. she’s been controlled, abused, for too long. adaine? adaine’s fine. she’s okay.
she fumbles for her medication. the orange bottle stares at her from her bedside table. the neon orange bottle that says she’s broken, no matter how many times jawbone insists she’s not.
she gulps two pills down and places her head between her knees. the pressure on her temples is soothing, but her body is wracked with trembling. she can’t even remember why she’s in this state.
the door clicks open and terror shoots through adaine, causing her body to rigidly scoot away, against the wall. adaine lets a whimper slip out as fabian seacaster’s hand touches her calf.
-
fabian seacaster comes to the manor every day he can. he’s her boyfriend, for heaven’s sake. of course he wants to be there for her. he all but barges his way into the manor that morning, barely dodging kristen and tracker on their way to some brunch plans kristen made for them.
“adaine’s up in her and aelwyn’s room,” tracker says, “she hasn’t been feeling well so i think she’s just sleeping.” she follows kristen out the door and just as he’s about to head up, sandra lynn faeth catches him and brings him into the kitchen for coffee. he can’t protest as she pours him a cup in adaine’s gift to him: a mug that says ‘adventure is out there!’ with the house from up on it. his favorite childhood movie.
“fabian,” she starts slowly, “adaine’s been really not well, she may be really tired.” she’s using that stupid mom voice cathilda uses on him too. he nods.
“i know, everyone’s told me,” he says, “just wanted to see if today was any different.” he’s been here every day this week. she’s been asleep every time he’s come, and even after climbing in bed with her and ignoring aelwyn’s funny looks when she comes back from her community service hours, she’s still asleep.
he doesn’t know what’s wrong, but all he wants to do is help.
“i’m not sure,” sandra lynn says, “she’s been upstairs all morning.” she watches fabian as his leg bounces. “i know you miss having her at yours, but it’s better for her right now if she’s here.”
“it’s not that,” fabian says and he hates the vulnerability in his voice, “it’s that i wish…i wish i could fix it all. i wish i could just make her feel better with a snap of my fingers.” he stares at the coffee in the mug. “i hate having to sit back like this.”
he had gone with fig to retrieve her from jawbone and sandra lynn when she was rescued from fallinel. she’d all but fallen into his arms, whether from relief or actual need to because she couldn’t hold herself up, he couldn’t tell. her hair was longer, dirty too, and that stupid hudol uniform was digging into her skin. aelwyn’s size on adaine. aelwyn was in rough shape too, worse than adaine, and jawbone proclaimed that the abernant girls would be living at mordred for the time. he didn’t complain. he couldn’t give adaine that level of care at home.
fabian heads upstairs and he can hear telltale sounds that signal adaine’s having a panic attack. rather than busting the door down and coming to her aid, he slowly opens the door and sees his girlfriend’s head between her knees, gulping as she scurries back into the wall. he places his hand so gently on her calf, waiting for her to signal she’s ready for him.
“it’s just me,” fabian whispers, “it’s okay.”
-
adaine feels disgusting.
her cheeks are tear-stained. her mouth is dry. she feels like she’s been dragged through mud. her hands are so clammy. her hair is greasy. she can’t remember the last time she changed her clothes. she guesses this is what angwyn wanted, her to be ruined forever and stained by his treatment of her.
all she can think about is how she felt when fig and fabian saw her for the first time. the way fig brought her pajamas and tea after adaine scrubbed her skin raw, trying to remove every inch of fallinel-contaminated skin. fabian sat with her until she slept, and he’s been there every day he can since. he reads to her sometimes, sitting on the edge of her bed and narrating from her chemistry textbook, trying his best. just like she is.
“fabian,” she finally whispers. he takes his fingers and tilts her face up to his and holds it gently with his hand. his hands are calloused. his eyes are full of worry, but he’s moving at her pace. “i’m so sorry.”
“it’s not your fault,” he whispers, slowly sitting on the bed with her. he ducks a little to fit in the bunk. “how are you…feeling?”
“like shit,” adaine says, wiping at her eyes. “i need a shower but i…” she swallows. “i don’t have the energy.” she folds in on herself, but fabian doesn’t back away. he sits with her.
“do you want a tea? i can ask fig to run you a bath,” he reaches out and touches her hand. “i can run home. get you new clothes.” her clothes still live in his closet, sweaters and collared shirts next to sports jerseys and t-shirts. “would you like that?”
adaine’s bath is made by fig, and shame burns in adaine as she sits in the water, barely enough energy to sip her tea after washing her hair. fabian’s clothes for her are a new pair of her pajama pants and one of his sweatshirts. her dirty clothes have been taken from the bathroom.
and when she finally finds herself able to pull herself out of the bath and shrug on clothes, he’s waiting for her with a sandwich and another cup of tea.
lavender chamomile soothes adaine as they sit and he puts up on her laptop. he’s drinking tea out of his mug too. her eyes feel heavy. she lets them close as carl and russell argue in front of his house.
-
it’s long after she drifts off that fabian allows himself to relax. he tucks her in, nods to aelwyn when she comes back in, and kisses adaine’s forehead.
“sleep,” he whispers, “nothing will hurt you here.”